Behind My Walls

[Sachita]

I decided to post some of my writings. I'll be back.

Protected from the demons
Behind a tremendous wall
Lies my heart inside a vault
Hear its lonely call
The scars all over my body
Pale in comparison to scars inside
I’ve been silent so long
I have forgotten how to speak
The pain inside is so heavy
I can barely breathe
I feel trapped inside my spirit
How long must my heart grieve?
Can he, will he, save me, protect me?
Is his love that strong?
Or will he leave me torn
Remnants of love gone wrong
All that is sacred – All that is true
Can this magic manifest?
Or is it a broken dream?

[Sachita]

I am that woman you passed on the street
Wearing dirty jeans and cowboy boots
Rough hands, graying hair thrown up in a hurry
Full round hips, a few extra pounds
But you never looked at me long enough to see my glow

I am that woman you barely notice
The woman that has lived many lives
Been there, done that and no desire to do it again
Most women would give their right arm
To have lived the life I've lived - seen what I have seen.

I am that woman who knows
That the designer dresses in my closet
Diamonds, the things, the possessions I've collected
Will never define who I really am
I would gladly trade them all for what my heart knows today.

I am that woman that sacrifices & fights
For the people I love & the commitments I make
Tears fall, broken hearted, torn, tattered
But my spirit can never be broken
I stand tall and proud knowing I've made a difference.

I am that woman you should have loved
Because I would love like no other
If only you could see what's inside of me
The pain, the joy, fear , strength and regret
That I didn't see it sooner and escaped all these traps.

I am that woman standing on the mountain
That has paid dues beyond her years
Standing proud, tall and glowing
I have made it so very far & now I am ready
To soar, another new chapter of my life.

[Sachita]

The Stain on My Heart - Poem
I started my New Year without you
Closed the door & let it slam
Torn between love and hate
I gave you everything I am

I cried myself to sleep
Pacing floors day after day
Waiting for the pain to end
Praying for another way

The shadows have all faded
But the memory remains
There's a hole in my heart
Behind that angry stain

But just when I think its over
An old photo suddenly appears
Leaving me spell-bound
And all the pain reappears.

I try so hard to forgive you
For all the pain in my heart
I am shamed by my weakness
Allowing you to tear me apart

I try so hard to see another
Hoping they will open that door
But its hard to love again…. when
you're picking your heart off the floor.

[Sachita]

The Beast Within ~ Erotic Poem


It is dawn and the beast awakens

There is a long growl between slow pants

Slowly he moves yet with purpose

Closer until she is in his view



Come and hunt me my Queen he beckons

I will gladly suffer for you

Come and take me my Queen he pleads

My heart belongs to you.



Her emerald eyes open to see

What seduces her darkness

She lifts her head and moves closer

He hisses, teases and taunts



Come and hunt me my Queen he beckons

I will gladly suffer for you

Come and take me my Queen he pleads

My heart belongs to you.



Unafraid she moves closer

Turning on her charm

Long jet black hair falling wild

Across full feminine breast.



She begins a seductive dance

That smoothes the heart of the beast

Veils swaying in the wind

He is blinded by her light



Suddenly a blade appears

Its reflection shoots like lightening

The beast is rendered helpless

He is unable to move



She slides the cold dagger across his flesh

His body craves to bleed for her

The hunger builds inside his soul

Longing to be a part of her world.



Come and hunt me my Queen he beckons

I will gladly suffer for you

Come and take me my Queen he pleads

My heart belongs to you.



"My warrior, my prince trapped inside a beast.

How long have you been hiding?

My warrior, my prince don't you know

That I've searched for you everywhere?"



Suddenly the dagger that danced

Now penetrates his flesh

Hot red fluid drips down his chest

He feels his spirit escape.



Turning the dagger inward

She cuts an incision on her breast

She moves her body forward

Together they bleed free.

[Sachita]

Sandcastles built upon a beach of dreams

and laced with knights and ladies.

On a sailboat ride from afar

To fill a moat of loneliness.



Flying machines on laughter studded wings

we soar above our sorrows

to climb above the clouds of doubt

that we shouldn't be lovers tomorrow.



But our dreams awakened to the night

of the sun and the moon and neon light

when every word had feeling

and every sigh had meaning……we were one.



Then our dreams came crashing in the night

as we clung on tightly to our sacred flight

having feared we'd gone much to far

seared hearts and a lovers scar……we fell to our reality.



Yet I climb upon our sailboat mass and whisper to the world going by…



We were lovers for a time.



Tamara

[Sachita]

Silent whispers speak to me

tell me secrets of days gone by

Primal dreams from long ago

Reasons why the angels cry.



Sleeping demons awaken within

I am not afraid of darkness.

Share your secrets of where you've been.

Dare I dance with you?



Goddess hold me in your arms

and protect me from thyself

So free, so free from harm

An innocent child I am.



Shadows float across my vision

obscure and disconcerting they scream,

unrevealed cries of passion,

that intrude into my dreams.



Kali please aid me on my flight

to journey into the unknown light

where truth lives in darkness.

and all of life a seductive fight against wills.



Diana please come to me

share your vision of my destiny

set my spirit free

Sweet huntress please come to me.



Aphrodite flying on your white dove

show me the mystery of Eve

Crimes of passions in the name of love

How long will She grieve?



Sacred feminine abound in thyself

A sense of beauty for all

That I might see beyond the certain

and lift the vale of this camouflaged curtain

so that I might hear your call.



Give me strength to confront defeat

and forgiveness in my heart

so that I may love my adversary

yet continue to do my part.



May the circle never be broken

and no love ever be final

May I feel the words unspoken

and never encounter denial.



May I walk my talk and dance my freedom

in the name of all who are free

to break the chains of silence

By breaking them first in me.



So this must be.



Tamara
Copyright 1997
Please do not copy. If you want to use any of my writing, please just ask me first.

[Sachita]

i decided to also post here some thought provoking musings and reflections. Please feel free to comment and or add,


posted in random thread.....


Sometimes desire overrides reality and you're left disappointed, ashamed at your choices and mistakes. Sometimes you have to take a few steps back, reevaluate and figure out how to work things. Life is full of lessons and if you watch the processes of nature, mother nature you see how she knows the right time to present a storm, a flood, a fire and even through the most devastation something spectacular emerges. The only compass you really need for this life is being true to yourself and honest with others.



more coming soon

[Sachita]

SassyLeo posted a thread on unconditional love
http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1053

This thread I returned to many times. I threw my back out and spent a great deal of time thinking about the topic and all the replies. I wanted to share some very important thoughts. At least to me.

Relationships are the experience of learning. A journey we engage to know and love ourselves. For whatever reason we are drawn to people. Sometimes romantically, family connections and even adversity. It seems that each relationship we are in teaches us "something" that is if we are conscious to it.

I have lived a very full and interesting life. Many experiences and relationships. When I look back, even on the most painful times, I see the value of that experience. I see the transition of relationships.... beginnings and endings. Everything meets its time. I use to make excuses and pass the blame when my heart was broken or a relationship didn't turn out quite the way I expected. I am guilty as most in walking away too soon, allowing fear to rule and sabotage.

I have learned that sometimes a romantic connection was really meant to be an awesome friendship or a friendship brews unconditional love. Sometimes our perception tricks us or is fueled by insecurity and fears. Or what if we feel lied to or deceived? Certainly we all have our limits but do we weigh the3 good against the bad or do we cling to the negative and make it much larger than it really is.

I spent 4 years entangled in a relationship I probably never should have been in. I can blame the insanity on hym and even though hy was emotionally and spiritually immature hy was simply being who hy is. It was my choice to invest and even though I loved hym with all my heart, thought hy was my soulmate, I always wanted to change hym and fit hym into a relationship mold I designed. I look back, long after the heartache and see the valuable lessons I learned. I am far more a woman after that journey.

I take risk with love and relationships because now I know that its a journey meant to be. The degree of investment depends on the reciprocation.

At this point in my life I'm not walking away. This includes my friendships. I might not like you sometimes or agree with what you but I will weigh the good and the bad to see the true value of the relationship. If I shift my sails at time its ok. I'm just going to stop closing doors and throwing up walls and learn to embrace all of my experiences.