Pure Expression: JustLovelyJenn's Poetry

[JustLovelyJenn]

I wanted to have a place to share some of my poetry with you all. Much of this is from the past, but I am sure I will add a few new ones along the way as well. Feel free to comment on them or not. I really think I am putting this all here more for me then you. I hope you find some enjoyment from it.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Stop.

Listen.

Wait.

Things happen so fast

So fast I want to scream

My mind say no

My heart says yes

I don't understand how I feel

I am cautious

I know what pain feels like, looks like, smells like

I have tasted it in loss, disappointment, misjudgments, and betrayals

Still I trust, I believe, I wait and desire

Setting myself up to take the fall

One day I will fall too far

One day when I jump the bottom will never come

I will just keep falling

Pieces of me be eaten away until nothing remains

Unless.

Unless all my dreaming, all my wishing turns truth

Truth undeniable

Stop.

Listen.

Wait.

Things happen for a reason

Love does exist

Never stop believing

Keep hope in what you have

Always.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Bright and beautiful my soul is drawn to the flames

Drawn in and bewitched

I am warmed by the heat of the fire

I see by its glow

And I walk further

Stepping into the heart of the blaze

For an instant there is heaven

An undaunted happiness before the pain

Then what I held so precious becomes and inferno

Burning out of control

Taking compassion, affection, friendship, more

And twisting it

Turning it deep and dangerous

Bright colors lick at my skin

Scalding first

Then scorching

Devouring my flesh

Scoring to the bone

And then

Nothing

What I am is gone,

Disintegrated by the intensity before me

Around me

Without me to feed it the heat wanes

Dies away

After the last flame is gone

I remain as ashes

Paralyzed and unfeeling

Distanced from the world around me

Yet still I walk

Still I talk and listen, work and bleed

But never cry

Never morn what was lost

Time passes and stands till

Weather changes, coursing through me

New eyes

And I cry, I morn and live again

Rising from the ashes of love past

Stronger, safer, wiser

I have felt the heat and the pain

Experienced the bliss and the loss

Now I know its worth

For just a moment of what I have know

It is worth a million deaths to find again

New eyes

Brown with golden specs

Beckoning, calling

And I fly

Soaring into the heavens and back again

I may land or I may not

But the chance is worth a million deaths

[JustLovelyJenn]

Shrill ringing

I wake

Sun sneaks in through a crack in the blinds

Eyes closed tight

I talk, listen, laugh

Moments pass, minutes

I smile

Eyes open

Movement

Stretch

Still talking, listening, laughing

Smile grows

Good morning

Goodbye

Till later on

[JustLovelyJenn]

I walked down a path beside a river with a cliff face on either side. As I walked I felt a clam take over. This is all so familiar, a dreamscape, my place of reflection and guidance. After a time, the cliff on the far side of the river fell away to a plateau. I saw a hawk fly above me, almost as big as an eagle. He called to me and flew low. Then it was as if I was seeing through his eyes. I flew high and looked over the landscape. Once I was two men, intimately embraced, in another area a city sprung to life. At last I saw what I was seeking. A fire with three people gathered round it. I flew lower and as I landed I changed shape becoming myself again. I walked to the fire and set down among those already there. The first was and Indian chief sitting proud and erect; his chest bare and feathers in his hair, which hung loose to his waist. Next was a solider, from his uniform and equipment and American solider from WWII. He avoided the glance of the others, and I was fatigue in his face. The last was and old Chinese medicine woman. She too was proud; and like the Indian, used to being in charge. For some time we sat in silence as other images cam into my mind: a grave yard and my sister’s grave, playing a game in the yard as a child, lowering yet another loved one into the ground.

Finally I asked the chief, “Why are you here?” indicating the others as well.

He replied “We each represent a piece of you.”

As I again looked at each of my companions I became confused. I had similarities to the medicine woman; we both used herbs and energies to heal. But what could these other two represent in me? “I don’t understand,” was my guarded reply. “I am not a soldier, a warrior as this one.”

The Indian smiled patiently. “You are strong than you thing. You weather storms that would drown many. You fight to be yourself and make choices to place yourself in great adversity to achieve your goals.” He placed a hand on my shoulder before speaking again. “The battles you fight could be easily avoided, the warrior in you must fulfill honor. You must be true to yourself in the face of others.

As I once again looked at the soldier he raised his head and as our eyes met yet another mired of images flooded my head. First was the soldier on the battle field, kneeling beside a fallen comrade, assuring him things would be fine and help was on the way. Calm and in control, even through his friends dying breath. Next was a young woman, myself I realized, comforting a relative at my sister’s funeral. Controlling my own emotion until I felt others had been satisfied. I saw myself grow older as other battles in my life were played out beside me. When I returned to the fire I looked at the chief, unable to speak.

He nodded in understanding. “The woman is next. To her people she is invaluable. She is able to see the signs of sickness and relieve the pain of others. You also were given this gift. Not only to use plants as medicine, but to feel pain and remove it. The pain you have felt in your own life serves to heighten these senses, without it you would lack the understanding of the energies you see in others; not to mention the desire to remove from others that which you have suffered.”

In the old woman I saw many things. But, mostly I was reminded of the joy and awe I fee as I use my abilities to help another. This time it was I who nodded in understanding and I to speak. “But what of you? I am not a leader of masses; I was not born to a position of honor as you were.”

At this question he laughed, his head falling back and a great full sound filling the air. “It is true that the position I was born to was clear for all to see. I was a leader to my people and they knew to whom they could turn. I bore my burden of responsibility publicly. You are not so lucky, Little One. You are to be a leader, but quietly. Waiting as I did for a people to come to you for guidance and in return being guided yourself, the spirits putting those in need with in your path. But I represent more than that in you. I am also hear to guide you, as I was guided. Your spirit is close to the land. The animals and plants whisper to you. Listen to them. For to long you have ignored the call. Time grows short. Move quickly to ready yourself once more. You must go.”

At once I awoke, lying beside my lover; the light entering the room a gentle embrace. Still I was shaken.

[JustLovelyJenn]

I enter space, pure space. Nothing exists. Not time, not place, not even me. Then, as if the gods had drawn a collective breath, I found my feet and then began to move. I was walking, moving, but still there was nothing underneath me or above me.

As I continue to move forward a world materializes around me. I know this place. It is my place, may safety, The red tinge of the dirt and rocks brings warmth. On my right stands a wall of rock, atop which I know is a great plateau. To my left a river, wide and strong. As I walk a peace falls over me. My heart lifts, my stance straightens, and my eyes look up to the heavens. I I breath deeply and scan my surroundings. On the far side of the river, in the distance, I see a village. As I approach the sounds of life flood over me. At the rivers edge a woman sings as she works the wash rhythmically over the rough river rocks. Two children play at her side laughing and teasing one another. From the plateau above me I hear the release of arrow from bow. I hear the sound as it flies through the air and the cry of a deer as the arrow hits true. In my minds eye I know the hunter gives thanks to his prey and the gods for their sacrifices. My smile widens as I walk farther.

The noises of joy and life faded from my hearing as the village disappeared into the distance. The river widened and shallowed, its babbling more intense over the now exposed rocks. Around this shallow point in the river was a glade of aspen. There green silver leaves spinning in the breeze and giving the impression that something was moving within. Beyond the white and pealing bark a bright light emanated. As I turned to walk toward the trees and investigate its source an old Indian Chieftain stepped from their depths. With the single movement of lifting his hand palm out toward me, I stopped and sent a questioning look his direction.

"No" was his simple response. "this is not for you, not yet. Just to know that it is here, when the time comes." At these words he turned and left. Disappearing in the dense grove as quickly as he had appeared. Soon after the urge to stop, to rest took me and as I found a log resting at the waters edge on which to sit I noticed, for the first time on my trek, that a bag rested on my shoulder. A pack with a good deal of weight in it. Had it always been there? I set down, placed the pack on the ground in front of me and opened it to reveal its contents. A knife, how strange that it was not a hatchet I though. There was jerky to eat wrapped in soft leather. My hands also found a medicine bag, carefully closed and powerful even to the touch. Then at the bottom, almost overlooked I found it. So small, and seemingly out of place, yet its presence made me smile again. It was important to me but puzzling. It was...

*For whatever reason the gods have seen fit to withhold this last bit of information from me. Whatever that small and happy item is, it seems not for me to know. I will find it soon I hope and be able to keep it close.

[WolfyOne]

Thanks for sharing Jenn, I enjoyed the reads.

[JustLovelyJenn]

As from above like a bird in flight
I can see life grand and splendid design
The perfect flow from one to the next
Boundaries and paths, moving forward in life

As the rivers that flow and turn
Cut in with care by natures hand
I see and I know that that things are right
The way that I'm headed is what the fates intend

As the mountain shaped by time
Set in the knowledge of foundation so strong
Faith have I in the gift I was given
Time will not alter my love for you

As the tree in the wind with it root planted deep
Swaying and bending never to break
So are my efforts for lasting affection
Grounded and founded to last till forever

As the wind that blows from every direction
A force of destruction or help from heat
So is emotion when let loose on the soul
But power from both can be harnessed an used

As a flame that was lit from lightnings quick strike
Burning and cleansing all in its path
So is the hardship of a new love started
The old must be purged for the new to grow strong

As all of nature works as one
Graceful and flowing with life and with love
So will my life be full to exceeding
Now that the journey is finally begun

-written 1/10/2009

[JustLovelyJenn]

Its a little girl in yesterdays dress
The boy on the team who was always picked last
Its a hidden bruise from daddy's fist
And the broken spirit that nobody missed

So many times in the world today
The ones that are lost, they just wont go away
All of the beatings and all of the words
Make us stronger, make us harder then we were at first

Those of us who can not see the light
Ride our dreams on the back of broken faith
Those of us who are driven to the edge
Find our way through the world by building a bridge

Its a singer on the corner, its a bum on the street
A single mother with her kids at her feet
Its all the lost souls in the angels choir
That you just look over as they burn in the fire

Those of us who can not see the light
Ride our dreams on the back of broken faith
Those of us who are driven to the edge
Find our way through the world by building a bridge

So if your out there looking and your down on your luck
You don't know where to turn and your feelin' stuck
Just pick up your feet remember faith is never wrong
Move to the beat and know I'm singing your song

Those of us who can not see the light
Ride our dreams on the back of broken faith
Those of us who are driven to the edge
Find our way through the world by building a bridge

Those of us who can not see the light
Ride our dreams on the back of broken faith
Those of us who are driven to the edge
Find our way through the world by building
By building, by building a bridge

[JustLovelyJenn]

Sittin' at a coffee shop on 5th and Main
Talkin' to a girl, I almost called her your name.
She leans in for a kiss and I pull away
It happens all the time now, they just aren't the same
Why cant her eyes draw me in
Why don't her lips tempt my skin

I know that I did what I did
I did it to you
I see your face as you say
That this pain is real
All that I want is to take it all back
Be back in your arms, make up for what I lack

I woke up in bed at a quarter past two
That last conversation between me and you
Is all that I think about, again and again
That look in your eyes, my world at an end
Somehow through yours tears I walked away
The biggest mistake that I ever made

I know that I did what I did
I did it to you
I see your face as you say
That this pain is real
All that I want is to take it all back
Be back in your arms, make up for what I lack

The sorry that I gave you was just not enough
It patched up the anger but left mistrust
When your hurt you stay hurt, Is what you told me that day
What we had is gone, I can't wipe this away
So 5th and Main is where I'm gonna stay
Just tellin' my mind to push you away

I know that I did what I did
I did it to you
I see your face as you say
That this pain is real
All that I want is to take it all back
Be back in your arms, make up for what I lack

But 5th and Main is where I'm gonna stay
Just tellin' my heart to push you away

[JustLovelyJenn]

From high on the cliff she looks down at the sea
As reflections of sunset bring fire

From high on the cliff her tears fill the sea
And extinguish the burning fire

The flames die away and the stars fill the sea
An illusion of calm desire

The stars fill the sea and the dreams can be seen
But you cant see the churning ire

She is the sea, hiding from thee
With a surface of calm require

From high on the cliff, her hair blowing free
Her voice calls higher and higher

From high on the cliff she sings to the sea
Angelic refrains that inspire

The flames shall return to ignite the sea
To ignite the drifting pyre

Too many times they have failed to see
Her soul in its entire

The strength she holds they have failed to see
And alone she walks the mire

From high on the cliff she looks down at the sea
The Goddess she doth enquire

From high on the cliff she joins the sea
And relieves her burning ire

-- 4/8/2010

[JustLovelyJenn]

Times a tricky thing
It moves a pace that even we can not predict
You can run out of time
Or miss your time
There's time to move
And Time to stop
Maybe smell the flowers?
There's moments out of time
And the moments time stands still
Time is of the utmost importance
And time passes while you stand still
Its all in the timing
The timing just wasn't right
Well, third times a charm
I will get it right this time...
I hope.

-Sunday, May 9, 2010