Sub Space

[Words]

I'm starting this thread for submissives and those still exploring the possibility of their being submissive for what I admit is a rather selfish reason.

As a submissive, I often long to hang out with other submissives. Not because I'm incapable of interacting with the general population but because sometimes, well, I want to talk about things that only another submissive could possibly relate to. I'm sure I'm not alone in that, hence the thread.

So...whether you're an experienced submissive, a newly out submissive, or a 'still not sure but definitely curious submissive', do me a favour and come say ''Hi''. No topic as yet...but suggestions definitely welcome.

Words

[Lady Jewel]

Some of you know me and some of you dont know me from Adam <g>. I have 13 years rt experience as a sub/Daddys girl and onetime 24/7 slave. I too would love to hear others experiences and hopefully share some of mine.

Jewel

[christie]

Howdy -

I am not sure that I ID as "submissive" but rather more from a place of service. I usually refer to myself as a martyr rather than a masochist LOL

We have been on hiatus from the Scene for quite some time. Life just took over and while there are still moments of the power exchange, its been quite some time since Syr needed to make an appearance. (Thinking about it, I may have to sit and do some boots this weekend! LOL)

For me, I am in service to Jess every moment of every day, and in a way, I suppose, submissive in ensuring Hys wants/needs/desires/whims are met.

Looking forward to seeing where this thread leads.

Christie

[Bit]

...to say hello to some of my favorite people.

{{{{{{{{{{{Words, Jewel, christie}}}}}}}}}}}} So glad to see you all!

*scoots back out*

[Words]

Some of you know me and some of you dont know me from Adam <g>. I have 13 years rt experience as a sub/Daddys girl and onetime 24/7 slave. I too would love to hear others experiences and hopefully share some of mine.

Jewel

Hi Lady Jewel,

Nice to see you here! I 'came out' as a submissive just prior to getting together with my 'One' six years ago. I am also Hys girl, a slaveheart, and when life permits, Hys slave in practice as well as in theory, the hope being that when the kids have flown the nest, W/we will be able to 'live' M/s on a more or less 24/7 basis.

Anyway, I'm sure that your experience will come in very useful, especially when it comes to helping those still going through the process of discovering their inner submissive and I look forward to seeing you here often.


Words

[Words]

Howdy -

I am not sure that I ID as "submissive" but rather more from a place of service. I usually refer to myself as a martyr rather than a masochist LOL

We have been on hiatus from the Scene for quite some time. Life just took over and while there are still moments of the power exchange, its been quite some time since Syr needed to make an appearance. (Thinking about it, I may have to sit and do some boots this weekend! LOL)

For me, I am in service to Jess every moment of every day, and in a way, I suppose, submissive in ensuring Hys wants/needs/desires/whims are met.

Looking forward to seeing where this thread leads.

Christie

Hi Christie, and welcome to our thread :)

I myself am very service oriented (though I'm also definitely a masochist; must say though, your use of the word 'martyr' made me smile). In fact, one of the things I find hard to deal with (as a submissive) is that because of the demands of O/our very busy life, my opportunities to serve Hym directly are limited (though it could be argued that everything I do for the benefit of O/our family - including the children - is a form of indirect service). Either way, I feel at times that I am not giving Hym the attention Hy deserves, and yes, it bothers me a great deal.

So, total derail here...lol...but, don't you find polishing boots incredibly therapeutic? I always experience such a sense of tranquility when I do it...unless, that is, Hy asks me to do it just after I've put on my nails;)

Welcome to the thread Christie!

Words

[Words]

...to say hello to some of my favorite people.

{{{{{{{{{{{Words, Jewel, christie}}}}}}}}}}}} So glad to see you all!

*scoots back out*

Hey, not so quick Bit, where'd you go?!

(((Bit)))

[christie]

Hi Christie, and welcome to our thread :)

I myself am very service oriented (though I'm also definitely a masochist; must say though, your use of the word 'martyr' made me smile). In fact, one of the things I find hard to deal with (as a submissive) is that because of the demands of O/our very busy life, my opportunities to serve Hym directly are limited (though it could be argued that everything I do for the benefit of O/our family - including the children - is a form of indirect service). Either way, I feel at times that I am not giving Hym the attention Hy deserves, and yes, it bothers me a great deal.

So, total derail here...lol...but, don't you find polishing boots incredibly therapeutic? I always experience such a sense of tranquility when I do it...unless, that is, Hy asks me to do it just after I've put on my nails;)

Welcome to the thread Christie!

Words

Thanks for the welcome :)

Boots? Oh YUM! *Insert deep sigh here* I do find bootblacking VERY therapeutic. If its a "service weekend", its how I like to start the weekend. It puts me into that headspace, and allows the connection and energy to flow between us. (Slight derail... ya'll wont find me using the capitalization W/we very much - its not that important to "our" dynamic - Jess could care less if hy has a capital H - thank god - less keystrokes! LOL. I didnt want ya'll to think I was being disresptful - just conserving energy! LOL)

Back to boots... there is something so soothing about feeling the "face" of the leather under the pads of my fingertips. Something so hawt for Jess in seeing the black (brown, et al) polish staining my normally perfectly manicured ho red nails (I have a thing about hands - and can't stand to have mine in disarray). Maybe the stimulus for Jess is knowing how I feel about my hands and nails that its gratifying the Sadist in that while I love every moment of bootblacking, there is a shrill voice in my head screaming at the mess.

I love the way hy looks down at me while I am at hys feet. The flame in hys eyes bursting when hy watches my tongue touch the leather on hys feet. The feeling of awe that washes over me when I see the depth of hys adoration for me while hys booted foot is planted firmly between my breasts.

OK... I think that I best stop here lest I turn this into an erotica thread! I think you see that I completely get the draw to bootblacking!

;)
Christie

[Bit]

Hey, not so quick Bit, where'd you go?!

(((Bit)))

Aww you sweetheart! I'm only a girl, hon, not a sub... just wanted to say hello is all, since yanno, I relate to the girl in all of you ;) and always like to connect.

.....well, and I love y'all. You're my sisters even if we aren't quite the same, yanno? :rolleyes:

[Words]

I like the idea of using bootblacking to signify the beginning of a more formal period of service.

One of the problems W/we've always faced is marking the transition from 'normal' to 'formal' and as much as I'd like to say that ''Down on your knees'' always works for me in terms of putting me in the right head space, sometimes - very rarely, but sometimes - it just doesn't. This, then, might be something for Hym to consider.

As to the capitalization thing, don't worry about it. That's one of the things that I'm hoping to show in this thread, i.e., that all of our relationships are different and that there is no one way to be a submissive. (For what it's worth, I was never asked or told to capitalize, it was simply something I began doing because, to me, it felt like the right thing to do. Would Hy be bothered if I were to stop doing it? Probably not. I, however, would miss the visual indication of the respect I have for Hym, so hey, like Hy's always saying, ''If it ain't broken, don't try to fix it.'':))

So, I'm throwing a question out there (to anyone who cares to answer). If someone were to say to you, ''Describe in one sentence the moment you knew you were a submissive,'' what would your answer be?

Words

[Words]

Aww you sweetheart! I'm only a girl, hon, not a sub... just wanted to say hello is all, since yanno, I relate to the girl in all of you ;) and always like to connect.

.....well, and I love y'all. You're my sisters even if we aren't quite the same, yanno? :rolleyes:

Amen to that Bit.

But do, please, drop by often, even if it is only to say ''Hi''. You'll always be welcome...

Words

[christie]

I like the idea of using bootblacking to signify the beginning of a more formal period of service.

One of the problems W/we've always faced is marking the transition from 'normal' to 'formal' and as much as I'd like to say that ''Down on your knees'' always works for me in terms of putting me in the right head space, sometimes - very rarely, but sometimes - it just doesn't. This, then, might be something for Hym to consider.

As to the capitalization thing, don't worry about it. That's one of the things that I'm hoping to show in this thread, i.e., that all of our relationships are different and that there is no one way to be a submissive. (For what it's worth, I was never asked or told to capitalize, it was simply something I began doing because, to me, it felt like the right thing to do. Would Hy be bothered if I were to stop doing it? Probably not. I, however, would miss the visual indication of the respect I have for Hym, so hey, like Hy's always saying, ''If it ain't broken, don't try to fix it.'':))

So, I'm throwing a question out there (to anyone who cares to answer). If someone were to say to you, ''Describe in one sentence the moment you knew you were a submissive,'' what would your answer be?

Words

One sentence??? OMG! Does it have to be grammatically correct?? LOL I am sure that I can do a whole paragraph as a run-on! LOL

There isn't one sentence... Its more a short story, but suffice to say that a fateful encounter on a street corner years ago capitulated me into exploring that ever present pull/need/desire/compulsion to serve.

Along the way, it was safer, for a number of years, to be on the upper end of power exchanges. My wiring is one that I have to be inspired to serve. It took a very beautiful, wise and understated Syr to bring me to my knees again, and it often confounded me that it was with merely three words, "Come to me."

Ok, so it was a tad more than one sentence!

Christie

[Words]

I like what you said about having to be 'inspired' to serve and can totally relate to that sentiment.

If I had to describe, in one sentence, the moment I knew beyond all doubt that I was submissive, like you, I'd be hard pressed to come up with a single sentence. I'll try though...(seems hardly fair to ask others to do it when I'm unable to do it myself, right? LOL...)

Okay, so, the moment I knew I was a submissive was when, for the very first time, Hy said something about me that I felt was unjust, but rather than talk back at Hym, I kept silent. Not out of fear (okay, so thats two sentences), but out of respect.

Yep, that, for me, was the litmus test. I knew before then, of course, that I was submissive, but I think it was only at that point that I really began thinking of myself as a submissive.

Funny, isn't it, how it's that one thing that stands out in my mind.

Words

[Lady Jewel]

My responses in pink (Of course)


As to the capitalization thing, don't worry about it. That's one of the things that I'm hoping to show in this thread, i.e., that all of our relationships are different and that there is no one way to be a submissive. (For what it's worth, I was never asked or told to capitalize, it was simply something I began doing because, to me, it felt like the right thing to do. Would Hy be bothered if I were to stop doing it? Probably not. I, however, would miss the visual indication of the respect I have for Hym, so hey, like Hy's always saying, ''If it ain't broken, don't try to fix it.'':))For "me", I have never done the online capitalizing/lower casing letters thingy to denote my status. Im too much of a grammar freak to do that LOL.

So, I'm throwing a question out there (to anyone who cares to answer). If someone were to say to you, ''Describe in one sentence the moment you knew you were a submissive,'' what would your answer be?
It was not a conscious thought, but I was submissive since I was 14 or 15. And I just instinctively knew I was a Daddys girl. (Oops thats two sentences)

Words

[Cajun_dee]

*raises hand here*

Official sub/girl here....

I live in service to my Sir 24/7 and could not be happier.

Looking forward to conversation among sisters ....

[princessbelle]

My first post in a D/s thread after officially entering into this world. There is no way i can express my excitement and thrill to finally be heading where i need to be and have needed to always be in this lifetime.

I can't read enough......I can't talk enough about it......I can't breath fast enough to contain my heart that is finally feeling what it should have felt for so many years.

I am "under consideration" and my life within the past two weeks have taken a complete turn around and i finally say i'm starting to heal from so many things. I finally feel, that which is by my nature, an inner freedom that cannot be touched by anything on this earth.

I am ready to soar, I am ready to fly, I am ready to totally engulf myself with teachings, guidance, love and acceptance to be the best i can be.

What a wonderful journey this has already been, what a wonderful life this will be.

...smiles

[Words]

Lady Jewel,

Thank you for your response. I was going to say 14 or 15? Wow, that's young...But then I got to thinking and I realized that I have never, ever had a sexual fantasy, including whilst still in my teens (some 30 plus years ago now), in which I wasn't submitting, sexually, - and coming to think of it, in other ways too - to someone older, stronger, and generally more dominant.

Which really makes me wonder how it took me so many years to put two and two together. Not that I regret the path my life took me on to get me to where I am today...but even so.

Words

[Words]

*raises hand here*

Official sub/girl here....

I live in service to my Sir 24/7 and could not be happier.

Looking forward to conversation among sisters ....


Hi Sassy_dee, and welcome to the thread:)

Words

P.S. Could we please make that sisters and brothers? I wouldn't want any male ID'd submissives to think that we were trying to exclude them;)

[Words]

princessbelle,

Hi there, and welcome to our thread:)

Words

[Mindy]

Here and ready to be counted, a long with a whole other laundry list of labels, including masochist. (gosh we need tons more smilies!!)

[Words]

Hey Mindy, welcome to the thread:)

And yep, masochist works for me too.

Words

[Lady Jewel]

Masochist works for me, but I prefer painslut :)

Jewel


Hey Mindy, welcome to the thread:)

And yep, masochist works for me too.

Words

[Words]

Masochist works for me, but I prefer painslut :)

Jewel

Just curious, but do you - or anyone else for that matter - make any distinction between masochist and painslut?

[christie]

Just curious, but do you - or anyone else for that matter - make any distinction between masochist and painslut?

To me, there is a distinction between the two. A masochist is more in the submissive/service realm whereas, to me, a painslut might not be submissive. For me, a painslut works their own agenda for satisfaction while a masochist submits to a Top's agenda.

I see painsluts more manipulative and masochists not so much. That isnt to say that someone who IDs as a masochist cant be manipulative, but for me, the two aren't synonymous.

I'm sure that others have differing points of view and I am curious to hear what they are.

Christie

[PearlsNLace]

I think Id like to add my name to the list, as one who is exploring the possibilities of submission.

I dont have much else to say yet.

Except for well, maybe Hi. (feelin shy)

[Bit]

....why am I "only a girl" why am I not a submissive??

I think we might have a clue here.....
...But then I got to thinking and I realized that I have never, ever had a sexual fantasy, including whilst still in my teens (some 30 plus years ago now), in which I wasn't submitting, sexually,

Yes, this is true for me also--starting in childhood, even.

- and coming to think of it, in other ways too -

Errrr... no. NOT.

Hello to princessbelle, and thank you for your post; I think it's pointing me to a conclusion....

....I am ready to totally engulf myself with teachings, guidance, love and acceptance to be the best i can be.

My response to anyone who would guide and teach me? "Who do you think you ARE, boy? Over there *points to corner* NOW--go."

So.

Possibly this is a 2x4 upside the head to remind me that I am not submissive because :doh:I am dominant.

Please don't hurt yourselves when you fall out of your chairs laughing, k? A person can't always see the trees for the forest.... and in my case, the forest is how much I relate to all of you through my being a girl. *sheepish smile*

Anyhow, thank you for the revelation....

[Petal Soft]

:rose:A big hello to everyone!!

I`m not sure I fit here in total but in part maybe.

I`m very submissive but would not call myself `a submissive` as I have never been part of any community practicing this. It is simply a part of me, who I am, its all I know how to be in the bedroom and whilst I have a hell of a lot to say for myself in my relationship as my Daddy would agree, when there is even a hint of disapproval at anything I say or do I fall right back in line and work on getting back hys good book!! OF all the pleasures I enjoy from my relationship the deepest comes from knowing I am pleasing hym and allowing hym to be dominant over me even if it is merely with a look.

~~~Petal~~~

[Words]

I think Id like to add my name to the list, as one who is exploring the possibilities of submission.

I dont have much else to say yet.

Except for well, maybe Hi. (feelin shy)


Welcome to the thread:)

When I was first exploring the possibility that I might be a submissive, I would spend hours and hours sitting in a Gorean chatroom just listening, and observing, in the hope that by doing so I'd find something with which I could connect (and I did). It took me forever, however, to actually post.

I'm glad you're showing a bit more courage:)

Words

[Words]

My response to anyone who would guide and teach me? "Who do you think you ARE, boy? Over there *points to corner* NOW--go."

So.

Possibly this is a 2x4 upside the head to remind me that I am not submissive because :doh:I am dominant.


LOL...

You know Bit, girl, submissive, it doesn't really matter as long as we've found what works for us.

Right?

(((Bit)))

Words

[Cajun_dee]

hi there sub sisters and brothers ( Smiles @ Words :) )


Are any of you on Fetlife?

[Words]

:rose:OF all the pleasures I enjoy from my relationship the deepest comes from knowing I am pleasing hym and allowing hym to be dominant over me even if it is merely with a look.~~~Petal~~~

Um, that sounds like a submissive to me:)

Seriously, it's good to be part of a leather community and I'm kind of sad that W/we don't have one here (or, more accurately, one that W/we feel a part of). But the fact is, we don't need a community to be who W/we are by nature, right? So whether or not you consider yourself a submissive, you give the gift of your submission and derive joy from it, while hy, in turn, gives you the gift of hys dominance and, in turn, derives joy from that.

To me, that sounds just perfect.

Best,

Words

[Words]

Not me Sassy_dee, I'll have to check it out though.

Btw, LOVE the photos!

Best,

Words

[Cajun_dee]

Not me Sassy_dee, I'll have to check it out though.

Btw, LOVE the photos!

Best,

Words

Thank you and yes Fetlife is a great place if you just keep in mind it's very public and there does seem to be a ton of sub/slave collecting going on, common sense will aid you.

[Words]

Hi again,

Okay, so I took a look and, well, it just looks similar to other sites I've seen/been on and doesn't really hold much interest. I usually find when I go on such sites that I end up in the Gorean rooms (or else leaving within only a few minutes) because it's the one place I feel 'safe', meaning, the one place, or so it seems, where there's some kind of respect for the submissives/slaves of other Tops/Masters/Mastyrs. (I'm not into Gor per se, but I do have a fondness for some of the protocols.)

Thanks for the link, though, and please, to anyone else reading this, don't be put off by what I've said here. It's for everyone to find what works for them.

Words

[Bit]

LOL...

You know Bit, girl, submissive, it doesn't really matter as long as we've found what works for us.

Right?

(((Bit)))

Words

{{{{{{{{{{{Words}}}}}}}}}}}

Ah well, darlin, it's been on my heart to figure it out because for a short yet intensely life-changing time, I had a Daddy who truly needed me to be a submissive.... and so I desperately tried to be.

I've been trying to figure out the difference between a girl and a submissive ever since.

I always have that same reaction though... and yanno, when I posted, I was thinking, "well, that's the mama in me" but I've thought about it, and it isn't. I have that reaction all through my whole self... even lil bit has that instant one-eyebrow-raised-who-DO-you-think-you-are? kinda reaction. *wry smile*

Thank you very much for the space to figure it out!

[Surayna]

Hi again,

Okay, so I took a look and, well, it just looks similar to other sites I've seen/been on and doesn't really hold much interest. I usually find when I go on such sites that I end up in the Gorean rooms (or else leaving within only a few minutes) because it's the one place I feel 'safe', meaning, the one place, or so it seems, where there's some kind of respect for the submissives/slaves of other Tops/Masters/Mastyrs. (I'm not into Gor per se, but I do have a fondness for some of the protocols.)

Thanks for the link, though, and please, to anyone else reading this, don't be put off by what I've said here. It's for everyone to find what works for them.

Words

Words -

Several years back when I was still going to chat rooms, there was a Gor chat I visited on a daily basis for well over a year. It wasn't that I was into Gor, per se, either, but I found the respect to be much higher there, as well.

With that being said, I think I will go see what link you are talking about and check it out. Thanks for your opinion on it!

Surayna

[Surayna]

.

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=Teal]My response to anyone who would guide and teach me? "Who do you think you ARE, boy? Over there [SIZE=2]*points to corner* NOW--go."

*sheepish smile*

Anyhow, thank you for the revelation....

Bit,

I had to kind of chuckle at this, because while I do tend to be submissive by nature, I also have some kind of knee jerk reaction to the whole idea of anyone "guiding and teaching" me. It has to be handled very delicately or I will look at them and say exactly what you said above.

I'm really exploring the differences between girl and submissive.

Surayna

[Niteshift]

Ok, so I've been in this thread a couple of times...you know, just kind of checking things out. This is my story. Up until about 2 years ago, I was in a relationship with an older woman and she did not identify as either butch or femme, much less top/bottom or domme/submissive or any other variation on the theme. I didn't either as I was still, as they say "young, dumb and ..." and had had limited exposure to the queer community because of where I grew up and my particular employment at the time. But often I felt as if something was just not quite right...something was missing or not in the right place.

Though I still greatly care about my ex, I have since become involved with wonderful and amazing femme domme. Wow! In the beginning of our relationship I had no idea that I was a bottom or a submissive. I had no idea that I really enjoyed the feel of leather kissing and biting my skin after a whistling journey through the air. On my knee, kissing the squared toe of her 5inch heel, face down and my neck completely exposed is such an amazing feeling. This was it, this was the thing I was missing. I feel more comfortable in my own skin and more alive.

I am still exploring and figuring out this aspect of myself and I am most fortunate to have someone who keeps me in check but allows me some room to make mistakes before instructing me on how/why I could do things better to please her.

I look forward to hearing other points of view and continuing my journey of discovery.

[Words]

I always have that same reaction though... and yanno, when I posted, I was thinking, "well, that's the mama in me" but I've thought about it, and it isn't. I have that reaction all through my whole self... even lil bit has that instant one-eyebrow-raised-who-DO-you-think-you-are? kinda reaction. *wry smile*

I'm glad the thread is helping you in some way to figure out the difference Bit:)

My experience, prior to meeting B., was very much like yours. My whole life, I had fought, literally, against being told what to do and how to do it. At home with my parents, at school, at work, and yes, even, eventually, when married (to a Muslim Arab -you can imagine how that went down, no?). When I finally came out - some ten years ago - I said, no more, from now on, *I* call the shots and no one will ever tell me what to do again, I've worked and lived in some of the most dangerous areas in the world, brought up 3 kids more or less alone, and am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. But then, I found submission. Not, at first, to another, - prior to this relationship, I had never been in a D/s relationship - but to the realization that I was tired of fighting, that it didn't have to be that way, that the difference between my experiences to date and those I hoped to have in the future was that by choosing the path of submission, I was, in fact, calling the shots because there was now an extra ingredient - consent.

The same thing applies to my masochism. Were B., as my husband, my Top, my Daddy, and yes, even my Mastyr, to ever turn around and hit me, for example - out of anger, or because, let's say, Hy'd had too much to drink - I would withdraw my submission to Hym so fast that it would literally make Hys head spin. And yet I crave the pain Hy inflicts on me with my consent. And that honestly is the difference, the power of consent and the realization that ultimately, it is mine to give or withdraw.

I've said it before elsewhere but I'm going to repeat it here. As a woman, as as a feminist even, the most liberating thing I have ever done is to gift my submission to another, to say to another, this is my body, my heart, my soul, and I hereby give you my consent do with them as you please because I hold all three dear and trust you to cherish them as much as I do.

Words

[Petal Soft]

[QUOTE=Words;5519]Um, that sounds like a submissive to me:)

Seriously, it's good to be part of a leather community and I'm kind of sad that W/we don't have one here (or, more accurately, one that W/we feel a part of). But the fact is, we don't need a community to be who W/we are by nature, right? So whether or not you consider yourself a submissive, you give the gift of your submission and derive joy from it, while hy, in turn, gives you the gift of hys dominance and, in turn, derives joy from that.

To me, that sounds just perfect.

Best,

Words[/QUOTE
Thank you for this Words. You are very acurate. Perhaps I am a submissive!! I think I shyed away from proclaiming this for fear of being asked questions that I was too inexperienced to answer given the basic level I enjoy this dynamic at. But I guess that doesnt make it any less a part of me.

~~~Petal~~~

[Words]

No, it doesn't.

And BTW, nice to see a fellow Brit in here:)

Words

[christie]

I've said it before elsewhere but I'm going to repeat it here. As a woman, as as a feminist even, the most liberating thing I have ever done is to gift my submission to another, to say to another, this is my body, my heart, my soul, and I hereby give you my consent do with them as you please because I hold all three dear and trust you to cherish them as much as I do.

Words

Just beautiful :awww:

[Bit]

and yes, even, eventually, when married (to a Muslim Arab -you can imagine how that went down, no?).
OH my dear heavens... I refused point-blank to even consider a relationship with the American Arabs in my life. I knew what would be expected of me, no matter how modern they pretended to be.... it was pretty clear they all expected a submissive, passive, house-and-childcare drudge.

I may be a housewife, and I might have been a good Mom (if I could have gotten preggers, that is)... but oh my... submissive? Passive? Me? :superfunny:

[Words]

Niteshift,

Hi there, and welcome to the thread:)

I absolutely hear what you're saying about having felt that ''something was missing or not in the right place.'' Until I acknowledged my submissiveness and masochism and started on my journey, it was as if no matter how happy I was in a particular relationship, there was always this hunger that I simply couldn't explain. Sadly, it took me way too many years to figure out what it was, exactly, that was 'wrong'. You seem to have figured it out much sooner...well done:)

Again, welcome to the thread.

Words

[Words]

OH my dear heavens... I refused point-blank to even consider a relationship with the American Arabs in my life. I knew what would be expected of me, no matter how modern they pretended to be.... it was pretty clear they all expected a submissive, passive, house-and-childcare drudge.

I may be a housewife, and I might have been a good Mom (if I could have gotten preggers, that is)... but oh my... submissive? Passive? Me? :superfunny:

I don't think my ex ever expected me to be submissive Bit. He did, however, expect me to at least pretend to be submissive in front of his family and friends, and on the whole, I gave him what he wanted.

I'd love to know what he's thinking when he comes here to visit and sees me give so naturally to B. - talking about my submission here - what I could never give to him. Talk about a double whammy, huh? LOL...

Words

[Bit]

That would be a double whammy, Words!

But then.... *tilts head, considering* maybe it's all tied together? *no pun intended, honest, lol* Forgive me, I don't remember if you identify as queer or not (I lose track after a while and some days I'm not sure about how anyone identifies!)... but if you identify as queer in some way, wouldn't your ability to relax into who you truly are be part of that? Wouldn't it depend on having the right partner?

Forgive me if I'm stating it badly; I don't mean to cause offense or confusion... but it seems to me that it would be impossible to give someone your submission if he didn't GET you, if he didn't connect with you on that deep level where someone really knows who you are, if he didn't understand enough about you to respect you for everything you are.

I don't know how it is for you, but for me, the partners I can trust are the ones who deeply understand my life, my heart, because we are (or have been) queer together--even those who transition into straight men have a basis for understanding my life that none of the biomales I've known could ever experience.

Again, I'm sorry if I've stated this badly. It's just that it doesn't seem like two separate things to me; it seems like we're only discussing one thing--our deepest self--and it shows in two places in our lives.

YMMV--a lot!

[Words]

When I finally came out as queer Bit, I was still married to my ex. Because my kids were still young, we agreed that although we would continue living in the same house and I wouldn't leave the country until they were older, we would live more or less separate lives although whilst maintaining the image of being together, supposedly for the children's sake but more I believe for his. I thought, at the time, that that would be 'enough'. But then I gradually realized that it wasn't 'just' about my being queer (by this time, I had left him and moved to a different part of town) - which was something I'd been reluctant to accept since my teens - and it was then that my quest to discover the missing link, if you will, began in earnest.

In retrospect, I definitely feel that my marrying a Muslim Arab, knowing full well what would be expected of me (at least on a superficial level), was somehow connected to my submissiveness and a subconscious need (but not desire) to serve, even on a superficial level. Had I come out and been exposed to the world of D/s prior to marrying him, then I'm sure that I would have recognized my needs and yearnings for what they actually were. I didn't though, so, who knows, perhaps it was those very same needs and yearnings, still nameless, still unrecognized, but still there, that drove me to do what I did.

Either way, I'm happy that I'm where I'm at today. It took me a while to get here, but hey, I made it:)

Words

[Niteshift]

ability to relax into who you truly are be part of that? Wouldn't it depend on having the right partner?

connect with you on that deep level where someone really knows who you are...understand enough about you to respect you for everything you are.

I don't know how it is for you, but for me, the partners I can trust are the ones who deeply understand my life, my heart


Thank you for the warm welcome, as a newbie, I really appreciate it.

And Bit, I agree. I think having the right partner makes a huge difference. I know that it did for me personally. I wasn't even cognizant (sp?) that I was submissive. But Madame was. And she was amazing in her patience and gentle guidance. I had that "ah ha" moment and then I asked her how she knew. She just smiled and said that it was her job to know.

Mme. sees me, she knows me. Sometimes even better than I know myself. I can see where the two previous statements could be misunderstood and seen as "scary" by some but for me, I find it wonderfully liberating. Sometimes when I'm floundering she puts me in check and it is comparative to feeling well after being mildly sick. Does that make any sense to anyone but me?

[Bit]

Words, I am so glad you made it! Such a journey, eh? And I think that if any of us were given the info about D/s or about D/g along the way, it might have made things VERY much easier... but oh well, I suppose we wouldn't be who we are if we had walked different paths than we did.

I had that "ah ha" moment and then I asked her how she knew. She just smiled and said that it was her job to know.

Yes, it is, but more than that, I think it's something that a Madame, a Syr/Sir, a Mama, a Daddy knows because of the connection--and it works that way for submissives and girls and boys/bois once they know themselves. In my experience, there's a way one connects, an energy bond that sparks to life and has the potential to roar into flames, when one is in the presence of one's natural counterpart.

Speaking as a girl, I always--ALWAYS--know when I am in the presence of a Daddy, even if the Daddy has no clue and has never even been called that before. I know it because of this connection, which is never present with anyone else.

In the same way, speaking as a Mama, I always know when I am in the presence of a boy/boi or girl, and for the same reason.

Sometimes when I'm floundering she puts me in check and it is comparative to feeling well after being mildly sick. Does that make any sense to anyone but me?

Yes, of course. She knows how to ground and center you, get you stable again. It's a gift that most Tops/Dominants/Bigs seem to develop as they spend time with their bottoms/submissives/littles; as far as I can tell, it's one of the things that most of us consider "part of the job" just as your Mme. considers it part of the job to know you. ;)

[Diva]

First, thank you, Words, for this thread....I've read and re~read and re~RE~read.....and so now I'm posting. <smile>

I have only recently discovered ~ in the last year and a half ~ my extreme passion and craving for pain. I would describe myself as a masochistic submissive painslut. <weg>

Also, only recently (same time frame) I have discovered that powerful 'subspace'.....and I must say that I can't have THAT enough.....if is THE most amazing 'drug'.....and my addiction is overwhelming at times.....I will never forget the first time I slipped into subspace ~ the floating sensation rocks my world......

There is still quite a lot I need to learn....but the journey is remarkable indeed. I have been told I'm "a natural".....and I'm ok with that......as I have come to discover that my perfect reward is His hand on my pale ass......His flogger marking me....His cane striping my thighs.........

.....or all of the above. :spank::sado::whip:

[Words]

Welcome to our world Diva...it's pretty amazing, isn't it:)

I actually feel bad because I haven't paid the thread the attention I'd like to recently. Life has been an absolute bitch for the past few weeks and every time I've come in here with the intention of posting, my mind has gone elsewhere. I'm finally in a place - I think - where I can focus on stuff I enjoy, this thread included, so I'm really looking forward to the exchange of thoughts and ideas that I'm confident will be forthcoming. Again, though, I do feel bad for not keeping the thread alive, so, my apologies.

In the meantime, a little game for the masochists amongst us *winking at Diva*. It's called 'Good Pain Bad Pain' and it's very simple...I'll start.

Good pain. Needles. Love them anywhere excluding the genital area.

Bad pain. See the above. Have been pierced there just once, and very unexpectedly - in Hys words, ''Just for fun'':confused: - and actually screamed (which for me, is unusual).

Your turn.

Words

[Diva]

Welcome to our world Diva...it's pretty amazing, isn't it:)

I actually feel bad because I haven't paid the thread the attention I'd like to recently. Life has been an absolute bitch for the past few weeks and every time I've come in here with the intention of posting, my mind has gone elsewhere. I'm finally in a place - I think - where I can focus on stuff I enjoy, this thread included, so I'm really looking forward to the exchange of thoughts and ideas that I'm confident will be forthcoming. Again, though, I do feel bad for not keeping the thread alive, so, my apologies.

In the meantime, a little game for the masochists amongst us *winking at Diva*. It's called 'Good Pain Bad Pain' and it's very simple...I'll start.

Good pain. Needles. Love them anywhere excluding the genital area.

Bad pain. See the above. Have been pierced there just once, and very unexpectedly - in Hys words, ''Just for fun'':confused: - and actually screamed (which for me, is unusual).

Your turn.

Words


<big smile>
Thank You, Words.... I know Your life has been crazy lately.....You've been in my thoughts, of course....

Admittedly, I have been reading and re~reading......but didn't feel as though I had much to share just yet......and was encouraged to do so.

W/we have decided that I'm a masochistic painslut. :eyebat: I am thrilled with that label (and I know how some feel about labels!!<giggle>)....

So.....Your game....

GOOD PAIN: His flogger, His belt, His hand, His cane on my skin.....a lot.

BAD PAIN: I haven't met a pain I didn't like.....yet.....but I'm thinking 'needles' might be that for me personally, as I'm not into the bloodplay.

Thank You again,Words, for this safe space....

[Words]

I think your fear of needles is a common one Diva. I remember the first time that B. and I did a workshop for a bunch of womyn, none of whom at that point were into BDSM but a lot of whom, or so it seemed, were curious. They were fine with the cane and the flogger - which actually surprised me as B. doesn't mess around when it comes to flogging - but when it was time for some needle play, a lot of them just couldn't bear to watch. Thing is, within a few months, some of those very same girls were engaging in needle play themselves and really enjoying it.

Why the switch? I think - and this is only speculation on my part - that many of us carry negative memories associated with needles (especially in regards to having blood drawn) and that it's only when we can let go of those memories that we realize that the actual pain involved in being pierced is minimal - and it really is - in comparison with that involved in other forms of S/M. Most of us, thank God, have no memories associated with being caned or flogged/beaten as children, right? So we're willing, as adults, to give it a try. But bring out a needle and we run. In other words, it's our fear of what was, not what is, that holds us back.

Thoughts anyone?

Words

[Words]

I almost forgot....

Good pain: Cane on my ass (just 'okay'), upper back/shoulders (yum).

Bad pain: Cane on the back of my thighs. Hate it.

[Diva]

I think your fear of needles is a common one Diva. I remember the first time that B. and I did a workshop for a bunch of womyn, none of whom at that point were into BDSM but a lot of whom, or so it seemed, were curious. They were fine with the cane and the flogger - which actually surprised me as B. doesn't mess around when it comes to flogging - but when it was time for some needle play, a lot of them just couldn't bear to watch. Thing is, within a few months, some of those very same girls were engaging in needle play themselves and really enjoying it.

Why the switch? I think - and this is only speculation on my part - that many of us carry negative memories associated with needles (especially in regards to having blood drawn) and that it's only when we can let go of those memories that we realize that the actual pain involved in being pierced is minimal - and it really is - in comparison with that involved in other forms of S/M. Most of us, thank God, have no memories associated with being caned or flogged/beaten as children, right? So we're willing, as adults, to give it a try. But bring out a needle and we run. In other words, it's our fear of what was, not what is, that holds us back.

Thoughts anyone?

Words


I'm not afraid of needles. I have no issue getting a shot, or having blood drawn and I adore acupuncture.

But needleplay as "sport" just doesn't appeal to me personally. That's all...<smile>

:sado:
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........

[Words]

You're right, of course, Diva...sometimes it's simply a case of some things appeal whereas others don't.

Like, right now, I could definitely do with some of this:chocolate: Now if only I could come up with a way to make B. think that making me eat loads of this was 'punishment'. LOL...

[violaine]

head.spin.lift.off.return.

[Diva]

You're right, of course, Diva...sometimes it's simply a case of some things appeal whereas others don't.

Like, right now, I could definitely do with some of this:chocolate: Now if only I could come up with a way to make B. think that making me eat loads of this was 'punishment'. LOL...




For me, punishment would be milk chocolate instead of dark.....

:eatinghersheybar:

[MrSunshine]

any chocolate is punsihment to me but hey, I'm a freak like that.

[Martina]

i almost started a thread because i thought this one was literally about sub space. There are mainstream threads more appropriate, like what gave you joy today or whatever, but it's weird to me to post too much leather on non-leather threads.

So, i was emailing one of my Dominants this morning. (i am in service to a butch-femme couple). Anyway, i used the word "my" in reference to Her, as in my Ma'am or my Sovereign. In the past, when that happened, i had to edit it out because we weren't under contract. But today, for the first time, i didn't have to. i got collared Sunday. i have a contract. i was suddenly so excited at the thought that She IS my Ma'am and Sir IS my Sir. Anyway, it was one of those moments, and i wanted to share. Happy me.

[Words]

So happy for you Martina. Really.

Words

[Diva]

I miss it like I can't even describe.....

~the flogging
~the spanking
~the caning
~the pleasurable pain......

I just f***ing miss it.

[christie]

Martina -

That is lovely news! Many blessings for you all!

Christie

[NicolaitheMorbid]

For me, punishment would be milk chocolate instead of dark.....

:eatinghersheybar:

no kidding....

I love me some dark dark (85% cocoa) chocolate

just kinda peeking my head in. I've read through this a few different times and there's about 1700 different things I want to respond to but...

I've served my Ms for *thinks* 3 years now, and the longer I remain here the more I realize I'm not quite sure what I was doin' before. I tried out a few different boxes and crashed and burned before I settled happily in my little "slave" box.

I'm a masochist, I need pain though I hate when ANYTHING touches my feet. As much as I hate the sting I love the cane...no idea why...

I prefer to stick to myself instead of interacting with other submissives/slaves/ect. more because when I open my mouth they look at me like I'm crazy, strange, a freak for the way that I describe my feelings and emotions.

*shrugs* I love what I do and who I am and I can't say I've ever been as happy as I am when I'm walking just behind my Ms with my collar around my neck bright and shiny against my black shirt...and that's all I've got to say about that

[violaine]

:stillheart::fallenangel::leatherflag:

Physiological Processes-

During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Producing a sort of trance-like state due to the increase of hormones and chemicals, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives once reaching a height of subspace will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.

:bunchflowers::bunchflowers::bunchflowers:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_(BDSM)

[adorable]

no kidding....

I love me some dark dark (85% cocoa) chocolate

just kinda peeking my head in. I've read through this a few different times and there's about 1700 different things I want to respond to but...

I've served my Ms for *thinks* 3 years now, and the longer I remain here the more I realize I'm not quite sure what I was doin' before. I tried out a few different boxes and crashed and burned before I settled happily in my little "slave" box.

I'm a masochist, I need pain though I hate when ANYTHING touches my feet. As much as I hate the sting I love the cane...no idea why...

I prefer to stick to myself instead of interacting with other submissives/slaves/ect. more because when I open my mouth they look at me like I'm crazy, strange, a freak for the way that I describe my feelings and emotions.

*shrugs* I love what I do and who I am and I can't say I've ever been as happy as I am when I'm walking just behind my Ms with my collar around my neck bright and shiny against my black shirt...and that's all I've got to say about that

I hear that! Not being understood is tough. I think what I've discovered is that everyone feels differently about being a sub in the same way that food tastes differently to different mouths. I personally don't love pain just for pain. I love the feeling of being used in that way. As an object desired for what I can do or not do, for what and how much I can take....the way my body reacts in spite of my feelings. Humiliation, embarrassment, dirtiness, wrongness, powerlessness and a little fear are just a few of my favorite things.

[Lillie]

OMG HI JEWEL!..I WILL TEXT YOU WITH MY NEW NUMBER MY ONLY FEMME CRUSH LOL

as for being a submissive yes I am..I am completely hys babygirl.princess...Hy is treated like a king and in turn I am his queeN...I havent always been a babygurl..i dated butchs from soft to stone..but was never content..till I met hym....

Lillie...

[Diva]

I miss it like I can't even describe.....

~the flogging
~the spanking
~the caning
~the pleasurable pain......

I just f***ing miss it.




I'm still missing it....... :innocent::princess:

[Delish]

I miss it like I can't even describe.....

~the flogging
~the spanking
~the caning
~the pleasurable pain......

I just f***ing miss it.

AMEN sista!

[Strappie]

I'm still missing it....... :innocent::princess:




Diva.... I can show you my belt again when we get to Little Rock for the Reunion.. *chuckles*

[TickledPink]

I'm still missing it....... :innocent::princess:




Me too!

All of the above.

And, very interested in hearing more relations from other submissives about this subject. (subscribing) Although, I hear that implies that we may be forming a union to which I will be in BIG trouble! :|

[diamondrose]

Hi everyone.. Sub space canbe a wonderful place. I have been active in D/s for about 8 years. I have grown and continue to grow. With the right One , I can almost instantly fall into sub space with a simple snap of the fingers in the right place at the right time of course. For me it feeds my soul.

[adorable]

I'm wondering if anyone has a consensual non consent agreement and how it works for them? Has anyone experienced their Dominant struggle with the feelings that might come from such an understanding? Is there anything that you do during the scene to show approval or acceptance of the situation? I hope I'm wording this right so that it makes sense.

[freyja]

Adorable, could you rephrase your question for me (am i the only one in the darkness?)

for me "consensual non consent" would be used in a M/s contract.
But for a submissive or merely a bottom in play, i would think that cannot work safely.

i might be way off base with where your words are going.

Would you like to help me understand you?

[adorable]

Adorable, could you rephrase your question for me (am i the only one in the darkness?)

for me "consensual non consent" would be used in a M/s contract.
But for a submissive or merely a bottom in play, i would think that cannot work safely.

i might be way off base with where your words are going.

Would you like to help me understand you?


For me it's about forced situations. Not M/s. It's consensual with hard limits discussed beforehand. It would seem that I don't want it, that of course is the idea for me personally. That is the part I like.

[mxxi]

new here :) can't get this off my mind - i have been discovering more about my submissiveness and how deep it runs. however, my few serious relationships have been with people who could be considered "switch" or probably as submissive as i am and it never works. i always feel very uncomfortable being shifted into that position/role. speaking in general terms about the dynamic of a relationship, is that common? i feel i won't be truly satisfied unless i have an exclusively dominant partner.

[Martina]

new here :) can't get this off my mind - i have been discovering more about my submissiveness and how deep it runs. however, my few serious relationships have been with people who could be considered "switch" or probably as submissive as i am and it never works. i always feel very uncomfortable being shifted into that position/role. speaking in general terms about the dynamic of a relationship, is that common? i feel i won't be truly satisfied unless i have an exclusively dominant partner.

i have been with switches, but OUR relationship did not switch. i know people who do that, but once someone puts me in the Dominant position, that's it. We can fuck -- occasionally -- but there's no relationship potential there.

i have been sort of dominant in vanilla relationships. That's OK, but it's not how i want to live. i am getting old. It's time to live how i want to live. And in many ways i am.

You should have what You want.

[Passionaria]

As a woman, as as a feminist even, the most liberating thing I have ever done is to gift my submission to another, to say to another, this is my body, my heart, my soul, and I hereby give you my consent do with them as you please because I hold all three dear and trust you to cherish them as much as I do.

Words

Warm greetings to you all,
I am just beginning to honestly explore what Submission means to me. I've enjoying reading everyone's responses and thoughts here. I was particularly touched / intrigued by your description Words, and the notion of submission as freeing or liberating. Do others of you have this experience? Would you be willing to share stories about your experiences?

:cat: Pashi

[ravfem]

...
Speaking as a girl, I always--ALWAYS--know when I am in the presence of a Daddy, even if the Daddy has no clue and has never even been called that before. I know it because of this connection, which is never present with anyone else....

i agree Bit, i just instinctively know when i'm around a Daddy. It's the energy, i think.

For example, when i first met Massive in the chat room, i knew Hy was a Daddy. Hy, however, wasn't aware of that side to Hys personality at that time. :giggle: Hy possesses the inherent qualities that i personally look for in a suitable Daddy, even though really, i wasn't "looking" for a Daddy at that time.

Yes, of course. She knows how to ground and center you, get you stable again. It's a gift that most Tops/Dominants/Bigs seem to develop as they spend time with their bottoms/submissives/littles; as far as I can tell, it's one of the things that most of us consider "part of the job" just as your Mme. considers it part of the job to know you. ;)

Agreeing again :) All Daddy has to do is talk to me calmly and quietly, saying certain things, and it centers me, brings me back into focus.

...In the meantime, a little game for the masochists amongst us *winking at Diva*. It's called 'Good Pain Bad Pain' and it's very simple...I'll start.

Good pain. Needles. Love them anywhere excluding the genital area.

Bad pain. See the above. Have been pierced there just once, and very unexpectedly - in Hys words, ''Just for fun'':confused: - and actually screamed (which for me, is unusual).

Your turn.

Words

Good pain ~ being cut open by Hys knife :freak: :clap:

Bad pain ~ 12g needles! :twitch:


Warm greetings to you all,
I am just beginning to honestly explore what Submission means to me. I've enjoying reading everyone's responses and thoughts here. I was particularly touched / intrigued by your description Words, and the notion of submission as freeing or liberating. Do others of you have this experience? Would you be willing to share stories about your experiences?

:cat: Pashi


hi Pashi :)

For me, there is nothing more freeing, more liberating, more centering than being in service and offering my submission. Usually, when i am feeling out of control or stressed, being asked to do something that will refocus my mind on my service and submission is such a needed and desired thing.

rhonda :)

[waxnrope]

Just stopping in to say that I am reading and supporting this thread. I hope that you do not mind if I post a thanks or rep now and then ... otherwise, I'll tip toe in and out

[PearlsNLace]

I have a question, and it could go into a couple of different threads, but I think this one MIGHT be the best.

So there is definately something about His dominance thats workin for me, thats awesome. Im looking forward to playing with D/s more.
What we are finding is that Im just not much of a masochist- at this point (I have heard how this can totally change over time)

Im wondering how much this might have to do with some chronic pain issues I allready have. I was wondering if there are any masochists out there who currently deal with anything along the lines of chronic pain like the various forms of arthritis, fibromyalgia, even chronic fatigue syndrome. Do you find that these get in the way of you being a masochist, or are there coping skills you have learned to manage living well, with your diagnosis, AND enjoying this aspect of play?

Thanks,
PnL

[*Magic_and_Silk*]

Hello,

I have been reading here and thought it was time for me to stop and say 'hello'.

Yes, I have experience being a submissive. Mostly, my experience was as a 24/7 slave.

I learned quite a bit in my years of experience. In the scheme of things, it really wasn't a lot of time. But the width and breadth of the experience was enormous for me; I cherish it and always will. I know that there is always more to learn and that is as it should be.

For now, I am going to be pretty quiet here and mostly read. However, if there are any questions directed specifically to me, I would be happy to answer to the best of my ability.

This is an awesome thread. I am glad it is here.

[Bit]

Hello everyone! I haven't been here in a long time, and really wasn't going to come back in, but I wanted to say hello to rhonda (since yanno, she quoted me, lol) and then Pearls said this...

...What we are finding is that Im just not much of a masochist- at this point (I have heard how this can totally change over time)

Im wondering how much this might have to do with some chronic pain issues I allready have. I was wondering if there are any masochists out there who currently deal with anything along the lines of chronic pain like the various forms of arthritis, fibromyalgia, even chronic fatigue syndrome. Do you find that these get in the way of you being a masochist, or are there coping skills you have learned to manage living well, with your diagnosis, AND enjoying this aspect of play?

So, hello rhonda!

And Pearls, the idea of pain is much more appealing to me than actual pain... BUT because of my fibro, what most people experience as pleasure, I personally experience as pain. I had to work that into my kink, yanno? Finally just gave up on ever trying to make it be like everything vanilla says it's supposed to be, yanno, the whole "all you need is gentleness and there's no reason for it to ever hurt" thing? Well, yanno, if it hurts when *I* touch myself gently, how can it not hurt when a partner touches me?

There IS a reason for it to hurt, and it's the fibro. My nerves are just set wonky. My workaround is to eroticize the pain, to just go with it and work it into the dialogue and scene.

Now if only I could figure out some way to eroticize sudden leg or hip cramps, sheesh!

Spankings seem to be different, and I'm not sure why. Being touched on my butt doesn't hurt, and spankings DO hurt... lol, maybe I think that's hot because it's one part of my life where I'm normal?! But I don't think I can take as much as other people can, mostly because my back and legs start aching, oy.

[christie]

I have a question, and it could go into a couple of different threads, but I think this one MIGHT be the best.

So there is definately something about His dominance thats workin for me, thats awesome. Im looking forward to playing with D/s more.
What we are finding is that Im just not much of a masochist- at this point (I have heard how this can totally change over time)

Im wondering how much this might have to do with some chronic pain issues I allready have. I was wondering if there are any masochists out there who currently deal with anything along the lines of chronic pain like the various forms of arthritis, fibromyalgia, even chronic fatigue syndrome. Do you find that these get in the way of you being a masochist, or are there coping skills you have learned to manage living well, with your diagnosis, AND enjoying this aspect of play?

Thanks,
PnL


Pearls,

As I have stated before, I am NOT a masochist. Not today, not tomorrow, not that, not ever. I actually envy those who do find pleasure in pain.

I am, however, a martyr. Knowing that I also suffer from fibro, combined with my NOT being a masochist, well, let's just say that I get off on being the vessel and my endurance of Hys Sadism during play is the turn on for me. Its how I find pleasure in bottoming. To me, I could give no greater service or devotion to my Syr.

I have found pleasure/relief/difference in pain with some aspects of play. Thuddy floggings are more appealing than that stingy fucking cane or singletail. Needleplay in the fibro affected areas can also give me relief afterwards - almost akin to acupuncture.

I think that sometimes (well, a lot of the time) the fluidity of how we manage the different dynamics of our relationship is impeded by either my having a fibro flare and not being physically able to comprehend how to get into bottom headspace or from Daddy being concerned for my health and is struggling to silence Syr. Make sense? It does to me, but I am not sure I am finding the right words (its a fibro flare day)

I think that not only do we have to find ways to navigate chronic health issues but to also navigate the waters of aging. I can't kneel for long periods of time now - 5 knee surgeries later and a fast approaching need for a 6th - well, getting old sucks! We just find other ways - lovely vintage ottomans work well.

I think the biggest thing to remember is communicating with your Dominant and finding ways that you can still find fulfillment in this dynamic of your relationship.

C

[Martina]

i was just talking to a friend today about disabilities and how they affect play. She wants to start a thread on it because it affects her play with her partner/sub. i hope she does.

i just played last night for the first time since i developed BAD arthritis in one of my knees. i am using a cane right now and will be going to PT.

Anyway, last night, i couldn't kneel. i think it changed the dynamic some. It's a loss. For real. But i have good Tops, and we had a wonderful time. Still, i feel sad. This is the first time i have been with Them and not kneeled.

Also dealing with this pain and the fears around it being chronic, plus other stressors (as well as our having had too much time apart) -- i had a hard time getting into space. Something about this kind of pain and the self-pity i feel because of it -- and because of other life stressors -- i don't know. i thought last week about playing and thought that if someone hit me now, i'd just cry -- or get mad.

We had a good time because we have a connection, and they are good. But it took that. i would so not have sought out casual play or reached out at all, but just gotten rest and spent more time alone.

i know my disability -- so new -- doesn't compare to others' long term stuff. But it has really narrowed my world. i am going to have to fight that.

[ravfem]

hey y'all :)

i don't have a chronic pain syndrome, per se. i do have most of the 'common' issues surrounding the aging process as well as scoliosis and cerebral palsy mildly affecting my left side from my eye to my toes, and along with these come pain.

To back up just a bit, i don't really consider myself a masochist, and definitely NOT a pain slut. Similar to what christie said, generally i'm more into taking the pain for the top....it's very satisfying to my service mind to know they are getting off on inflicting pain upon me. But at the same time, there are certain things, experienced with certain people, at certain times (can i have any more 'certain's??) that just send me absolutely flying into the most wonderful of head spaces from the pain.

Anyway, i have never been able to kneel in service, so i don't know what it would be like to have to stop doing something that was part of my service/submission. But again i think it goes back to the "which is worse: having it then losing it or never having it to begin with?" argument. (i personally think to have it then lose it is worse)

For me, if i am in more than my 'average daily pain', i usually find it very difficult to get into a good head space. Shoot, there were times when i didn't even want to clean up the house, much less let her near me with her crop or needles! But, there were times that i did anyway, because i knew she needed the release, just as she knew when i needed mine.

The main thing is, as usual with anything, talk, talk and then talk some more! Be honest and open about how you feel physically as well as emotionally! i know when i first started playing, i wouldn't tell her anything at all that was wrong....thought i was being a 'good sub' for trying to deal with my issues alone. i was SO wrong about that!! Part of being a 'good' sub/slave/bottom is the ability to communicate and be honest and open in your communication. That's just my personal opinion, of course.

*waves to Bit* :hippie:

I have a question, and it could go into a couple of different threads, but I think this one MIGHT be the best.

So there is definately something about His dominance thats workin for me, thats awesome. Im looking forward to playing with D/s more.
What we are finding is that Im just not much of a masochist- at this point (I have heard how this can totally change over time)

Im wondering how much this might have to do with some chronic pain issues I allready have. I was wondering if there are any masochists out there who currently deal with anything along the lines of chronic pain like the various forms of arthritis, fibromyalgia, even chronic fatigue syndrome. Do you find that these get in the way of you being a masochist, or are there coping skills you have learned to manage living well, with your diagnosis, AND enjoying this aspect of play?

Thanks,
PnL

Hello everyone! I haven't been here in a long time, and really wasn't going to come back in, but I wanted to say hello to rhonda (since yanno, she quoted me, lol) and then Pearls said this...



So, hello rhonda!

And Pearls, the idea of pain is much more appealing to me than actual pain... BUT because of my fibro, what most people experience as pleasure, I personally experience as pain. I had to work that into my kink, yanno? Finally just gave up on ever trying to make it be like everything vanilla says it's supposed to be, yanno, the whole "all you need is gentleness and there's no reason for it to ever hurt" thing? Well, yanno, if it hurts when *I* touch myself gently, how can it not hurt when a partner touches me?

There IS a reason for it to hurt, and it's the fibro. My nerves are just set wonky. My workaround is to eroticize the pain, to just go with it and work it into the dialogue and scene.

Now if only I could figure out some way to eroticize sudden leg or hip cramps, sheesh!

Spankings seem to be different, and I'm not sure why. Being touched on my butt doesn't hurt, and spankings DO hurt... lol, maybe I think that's hot because it's one part of my life where I'm normal?! But I don't think I can take as much as other people can, mostly because my back and legs start aching, oy.


Pearls,

As I have stated before, I am NOT a masochist. Not today, not tomorrow, not that, not ever. I actually envy those who do find pleasure in pain.

I am, however, a martyr. Knowing that I also suffer from fibro, combined with my NOT being a masochist, well, let's just say that I get off on being the vessel and my endurance of Hys Sadism during play is the turn on for me. Its how I find pleasure in bottoming. To me, I could give no greater service or devotion to my Syr.

I have found pleasure/relief/difference in pain with some aspects of play. Thuddy floggings are more appealing than that stingy fucking cane or singletail. Needleplay in the fibro affected areas can also give me relief afterwards - almost akin to acupuncture.

I think that sometimes (well, a lot of the time) the fluidity of how we manage the different dynamics of our relationship is impeded by either my having a fibro flare and not being physically able to comprehend how to get into bottom headspace or from Daddy being concerned for my health and is struggling to silence Syr. Make sense? It does to me, but I am not sure I am finding the right words (its a fibro flare day)

I think that not only do we have to find ways to navigate chronic health issues but to also navigate the waters of aging. I can't kneel for long periods of time now - 5 knee surgeries later and a fast approaching need for a 6th - well, getting old sucks! We just find other ways - lovely vintage ottomans work well.

I think the biggest thing to remember is communicating with your Dominant and finding ways that you can still find fulfillment in this dynamic of your relationship.

C



i was just talking to a friend today about disabilities and how they affect play. She wants to start a thread on it because it affects her play with her partner/sub. i hope she does.

i just played last night for the first time since i developed BAD arthritis in one of my knees. i am using a cane right now and will be going to PT.

Anyway, last night, i couldn't kneel. i think it changed the dynamic some. It's a loss. For real. But i have good Tops, and we had a wonderful time. Still, i feel sad. This is the first time i have been with Them and not kneeled.

Also dealing with this pain and the fears around it being chronic, plus other stressors (as well as our having had too much time apart) -- i had a hard time getting into space. Something about this kind of pain and the self-pity i feel because of it -- and because of other life stressors -- i don't know. i thought last week about playing and thought that if someone hit me now, i'd just cry -- or get mad.

We had a good time because we have a connection, and they are good. But it took that. i would so not have sought out casual play or reached out at all, but just gotten rest and spent more time alone.

i know my disability -- so new -- doesn't compare to others' long term stuff. But it has really narrowed my world. i am going to have to fight that.

[Bit]

I think that sometimes (well, a lot of the time) the fluidity of how we manage the different dynamics of our relationship is impeded by either my having a fibro flare and not being physically able to comprehend how to get into bottom headspace or from Daddy being concerned for my health and is struggling to silence Syr. Make sense? It does to me, but I am not sure I am finding the right words (its a fibro flare day)

It made complete sense to me. Both things happen to us just in every day living, so I would think they would be magnified when it comes to subspace. Gryph is never Sir with me--that's not part of our relationship at all--but HOW he is Daddy with me changes depending on whether or not he is worried about me. And there are plenty of times when I cannot get out of the chronic pain headspace to enjoy anything at all.... not even chocolate (hard to want it when you're nauseated from the pain, oy). That's when he worries the most.

One of the people who watched him do some energy work at our local Beltane celebration told him that what he does is akin to Reiki, so I think that if a person with chronic pain can find a Reiki practitioner and have a couple sessions, that might bring significant pain relief.


For me, if i am in more than my 'average daily pain', i usually find it very difficult to get into a good head space. Shoot, there were times when i didn't even want to clean up the house, much less let her near me with her crop or needles! But, there were times that i did anyway, because i knew she needed the release, just as she knew when i needed mine.

The main thing is, as usual with anything, talk, talk and then talk some more! Be honest and open about how you feel physically as well as emotionally! i know when i first started playing, i wouldn't tell her anything at all that was wrong....thought i was being a 'good sub' for trying to deal with my issues alone. i was SO wrong about that!! Part of being a 'good' sub/slave/bottom is the ability to communicate and be honest and open in your communication. That's just my personal opinion, of course.

*waves to Bit* :hippie:

Hey darlin *waves back* I thought that "talk, talk talk and be honest" thing was a rule! lol! Certainly I believe that a girl (or boy) is supposed to always tell Daddy (or Sir/Syr)everything, and that it sabotages the relationship to keep things back.

[adorable]

Sigh, I do love Christie!!!!!!!!
She was the first person that I read as a submissive and said OMG OMG OMG! I KNOW what she means YAY! I'm not the only one. :)

I am also not a masochist in a physical sense. But emotionally and mentally I'm all about pain. Soooo if he wants to beat me, I will take it because that is what a good girl should do...at least in my head. He can call it whatever works for him but what works for ME is that I'm a good girl. A sick twisted perverted good girl..... who is willing to take it to please him.

Anyway, I don't have a chronic pain condition but I do have a brain condition which can make head space a challenge. I need to be clear on my communication. (As others have said.) I also have a knee that would make kneeling problematic for long periods.

Luckily, my Sir has mastered mind fuckery.

As a sadist, there are things he can do that having nothing at all to do with inflicting physical pain. Mentally and emotionally they take a dexterity that is difficult to sustain. Does he like to beat me? Oh, yeah. BUT - there are plenty of things outside of that he can do which would make me rather just take the beating instead. lol. With mind fucks he controls me without the physical but may give me choices. (Ugh, trust me having a choice is worse!) He has the power to make me do things that I would really rather not. Which for us is fun. It's not for everyone.

It might be an alternative though instead of intensely physical things for you.

[christie]

Sigh, I do love Christie!!!!!!!!
She was the first person that I read as a submissive and said OMG OMG OMG! I KNOW what she means YAY! I'm not the only one. :)

I am also not a masochist in a physical sense. But emotionally and mentally I'm all about pain. Soooo if he wants to beat me, I will take it because that is what a good girl should do...at least in my head. He can call it whatever works for him but what works for ME is that I'm a good girl. A sick twisted perverted good girl..... who is willing to take it to please him.

Anyway, I don't have a chronic pain condition but I do have a brain condition which can make head space a challenge. I need to be clear on my communication. (As others have said.) I also have a knee that would make kneeling problematic for long periods.

Luckily, my Sir has mastered mind fuckery.

As a sadist, there are things he can do that having nothing at all to do with inflicting physical pain. Mentally and emotionally they take a dexterity that is difficult to sustain. Does he like to beat me? Oh, yeah. BUT - there are plenty of things outside of that he can do which would make me rather just take the beating instead. lol. With mind fucks he controls me without the physical but may give me choices. (Ugh, trust me having a choice is worse!) He has the power to make me do things that I would really rather not. Which for us is fun. It's not for everyone.

It might be an alternative though instead of intensely physical things for you.

:awww: thank you, adorable! You humble me with your words and I am glad that my sharing, which is often difficult, has made you feel that you are not the only one... I felt that way for a long time within the kink world and remember so well when I found other kindred martyred spirits.

Mind fuckery. Oh.My.Gay.

One of the ways Jess' Sadism manifests is that I ABHOR the color pink. Period.

My crackberry - pink. The two previous phones - pink. Most of my pjs and weekend clothes - pink. Jess even has our friends in on it. Our dearest pal and my older mini me, Addie, LOVES LOVES to buy me pink things - on her last foray to the Winter Olympics added a PINK and GLITTER (glitter and sparkles run a close second to pink in my world) tshirt from the figure skating events. Addie's dear mother, right before she died, gave me a pink knit scarf because Jess and Addie told her how much I "loved" pink (both of them Sadistic fuckers, I tellya!).

Some days, I feel like Sally Fields in Steel Magnolias, "That sanctuary looks like it has been hosed down with Pepto Bismal" LMAO

To me, the mind fuckery can be so much more painful to endure than the physical infliction of pain. It makes my brain hurt just to open a dresser drawer and the pink just looks like its multiplying like lil bunnies! :seeingstars:

[christie]

[QUOTE=Bit;112869]

[SIZE=3][COLOR=teal]One of the people who watched him do some energy work at our local Beltane celebration told him that what he does is akin to Reiki, so I think that if a person with chronic pain can find a Reiki practitioner and have a couple sessions, that might bring significant pain relief.


I snipped your post for brevity :)

Energy work is ever-present with Jess and I. I can be in Richmond, 237 miles from our home, and Jess will call and say, "You're really having a bad day"(meaning pain-wise) and it never ceases to amaze me! I have mentioned that I utilize marijuana to assist with my pain management and Jess is often high as gas via proxy - the call will be, "Are we high? I have been sitting here for an hour playing with the cats and the laser light!" Yep, we have nonconsensual highness!

When its really bad, I will sit in front of Jess and Hy will "massage" my back/shoulders - but its so much more than just massage. I can feel Hym drawing the pain from me and there are times when Hys energy is so intense, it turns into subspace from me. I have to be willing to let the muscles relax enough to have Hym take it from me. The euphoric, almost surreal place I go to is palpable and a good session has been known to leave me in tears.

I think that this type of energy work can be a part of D/s, if its contexted so that you both agree that it will be.

We had friends from Cali who were learning Reiki and would often do distance sessions for us. When M would call or we would yahoo the day after they had done a session for me the previous night, she would ask certain questions or know certain things about me and my psyche that quickly made me go from optimistic skeptic to a full fledged believer.

As Jess and I were talking about the managing of service or play with chronic health issues, Hy also pointed out that from Dominant space, the rigors of aging can become problematic - a scene with a heavy flogger is much more of a workout than with something all in the wrist.

[deeperstill]

Hi! just came by to introduce myself. i'm a femme submissive. i'm new to bfp so i'm trying to catch up on all the great threads :)

[Velvetkitten]

Hi! just came by to introduce myself. i'm a femme submissive. i'm new to bfp so i'm trying to catch up on all the great threads :)

I am new myself to BFP and really enjoyed reading this thread. Where did everyone go? I loved the talk of black booting and thought the idea of that being the transitioning period is a wonderful idea. Unfortunately our living situation has changed and now we have my cousins (straight males) living with us. It is really beginning to weigh on me as we were into the 24/7 life style. Has anyone else had to put their life style on hold? Any suggestions?

[IrishGrrl]

I have a really hard time reaching sub space. That floating feeling, euphoria.
I have only been there once, and another time almost. I know what I need, but it's hard to put all of the pieces together. It's like a puzzle. I need the mind fuck. That in itself is VERY difficult for me. I pride myself on being mentally strong. It can be difficult to let the walls down that I've spent a lifetime building up. To relax enough to begin letting them down, I need ritual. Blindfold,cuffs, leather collar, protocol. When playing publicly, I often need earplugs because the noise is very distracting to an already difficult process of letting my mind relax. Same with the blindfold. I need to be told I'm a good girl , and that its ok to relax, not be afraid. I'm not afraid of the pain, I like to play hard. I guess I"m afraid to be taken down emotionally, so I have to know that I'm safe with the person I"m playing with, that I can trust them to not fuck my head up in a shitty way. It all boils down to trust. Which is difficult at times.

Irish

[Velvetkitten]

I have a really hard time reaching sub space. That floating feeling, euphoria.
I have only been there once, and another time almost. I know what I need, but it's hard to put all of the pieces together. It's like a puzzle. I need the mind fuck. That in itself is VERY difficult for me. I pride myself on being mentally strong. It can be difficult to let the walls down that I've spent a lifetime building up. To relax enough to begin letting them down, I need ritual. Blindfold,cuffs, leather collar, protocol. When playing publicly, I often need earplugs because the noise is very distracting to an already difficult process of letting my mind relax. Same with the blindfold. I need to be told I'm a good girl , and that its ok to relax, not be afraid. I'm not afraid of the pain, I like to play hard. I guess I"m afraid to be taken down emotionally, so I have to know that I'm safe with the person I"m playing with, that I can trust them to not fuck my head up in a shitty way. It all boils down to trust. Which is difficult at times.

Irish

I can so relate to this Irish. I had someone fuck my head up in a shitty way as you put it. It is much more difficult to let my guard down now. I need the same rigid boundaries(The collar& Protocol) time to relax to get into that space to be taken down emotionally. I still cry sometimes as it happens, as my walls come down.

[IrishGrrl]

I can so relate to this Irish. I had someone fuck my head up in a shitty way as you put it. It is much more difficult to let my guard down now. I need the same rigid boundaries(The collar& Protocol) time to relax to get into that space to be taken down emotionally. I still cry sometimes as it happens, as my walls come down.

It doesnt happen often, but when the walls come down, I cry. And once they are down I want to play hard!!!!!!!! That's the avenue to sub space for me.

[Rope]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

[Velvetkitten]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

Getting into that headspace has nothing at all to do with pain(though I like it at times) it is the whole power exchange, giving of myself that which no one else gets. I have a very and I mean very dominant personality. I don't typically like being told what to do or when to do it. To me it is like a release to give that part of me to someone special to just "let go"to not have to think but just feel. It is extremely erotic and a gift to my Master who cherishes that gift.

[IrishGrrl]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

I dont ID as a slave. But I will give my answer. I asked myself for years "why".
And I dont know that I'm a masochist either. Some days I am, some days I"m not. For me it's about giving my gift of submission to someone I highly respect. Someone I trust. I also enjoy certain types of pain. I take the ones I dont enjoy as well..because I feel like it's an exchange of power. For the most part though I get off on the mind fuck, and that's the best part for me..with the added bonus of pain.

I cant get into the headspace to submit unless there is trust, respect for that person, and a physical attraction of some kind. Then there is the protocol and ritual that helps me get into that place.

hope that helped!

[Cajun_dee]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

Kick you out? Not hardly! I welcome the critical thinking.. I guess I am confused tho, are you addressing this to those who take pain who don't particularly like pain?

[deeperstill]

Sometimes, the scent of Their power...of a Syr standing in hys power...is enough to do it for me.

Part of my kink is that i like to be used--this definitely helps to produce the headspace you describe. If Syr decides to do a certain thing, i take it because Hy is using me for Hys pleasure. my heat comes from that...

For me, to be used by One that i respect, who is strong and smart and ...Powerful...creates its own magic from which all things can flow (including taking more pain than i thought possible)

i also relate to VelvetKitten's comment about the release of giving myself to another--a worthy Other. i am a highly analytical person and spend a lot of time in my head. The One is able to focus me and to bring me out of my head and into my body...

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

[Cajun_dee]

I get that scent of the Power mode.. that happens to me.. When both of my Dominants are in my presence at the same time, I'm floating!

My heat comes from being pushed out of my comfort zone.. and him enjoying my squirming over it.

Endorphin release sends me floating too...

[ravfem]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

As others have mentioned, it's about the power & dominance of the top/Dom. The confidence, control, cockiness they exude that gets to me and will send me into the headspace of *wanting* to take it for them, craving it even.

For me, this can lead to a dilemma though, because there have been times where i'm responding to a Dom when i shouldn't, so i end up trying to hide or squelch my want. i wonder if they can sense my desire to submit... i really hope not, because i never want to appear needy or desperate. i hate even the thought of appearing desperate.

[Velvetkitten]

As others have mentioned, it's about the power & dominance of the top/Dom. The confidence, control, cockiness they exude that gets to me and will send me into the headspace of *wanting* to take it for them, craving it even.

Well said....Just thinking about it starts to put me "there"

[weatherboi]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

*head down/on my knees*

hello Syr-

thank You for taking the time to read my response to Your question.

i love pain but i have had an instance i was not in the headspace to take it when i was about to receive punishment for a protocol infraction one time. i got scared and expressed where my head was. Ms didn't beat me but i know that i had not fulfilled my slave duties. that is what it boils down to for me Syr. my slave heart feels very strongly that my body and mind are Hers to do with what she wants. i also love to serve. it is vocational for me. i love the structure and the honor that comes with serving Ms!!! i am very confident that Ms has Her best interests at heart when it comes to owning me, so i know no harm will come to me by Her hand or Her mind. i am very well aware what i want at any given time does not come into play when She is deciding what to do with me. so my headspace doesn't matter...Ms was giving me one kind time to have my experience and i consider myself lucky She still allows me the use of a safe word. having a very clear understanding of how our dynamic works helps and she has provided that clarity for me. it is Her protection, Her ethics, Her loyalty and Her support that makes me take it during those times my headspace has not caught up with my internal desires. finally, it is also my fierce desire to trust fully in another human being, Ms provides that space for me to feel safe and that motivates me to take it.

[Tommi]

I have a question, and it could go into a couple of different threads, but I think this one MIGHT be the best.

So there is definately something about His dominance thats workin for me, thats awesome. Im looking forward to playing with D/s more.
What we are finding is that Im just not much of a masochist- at this point (I have heard how this can totally change over time)

Im wondering how much this might have to do with some chronic pain issues I allready have. I was wondering if there are any masochists out there who currently deal with anything along the lines of chronic pain like the various forms of arthritis, fibromyalgia, even chronic fatigue syndrome. Do you find that these get in the way of you being a masochist, or are there coping skills you have learned to manage living well, with your diagnosis, AND enjoying this aspect of play?

Thanks,
PnL

That naturally occurring response to pain within, or to our bodies, is to avoid it, not do things to create it, not to exacerbate it.

In the world of kink, I want to create extreme sensation to another and satisfy that euphoric hunger. If I have let her know what I am thinking, she may become nervously excited, or fearfully freaked. We learn from birth to avoid pain, so, to go beyond the bodies defense, and a possible physical ailment takes a lot of practice. My mental
preparation, and discussion and her fantasizing about that desire I just planted, hopefully will help her fly higher, trust more, will help her cross over the threshold to good triggers and euphoria, and desire different sensations each time deeper than before. Hoping to step gently into her mind and take her body to the peak of a mountain, then leap into outer space as I touch her, are the greatest challenge and have the most profound and extremely powerful rewards.

[deeperstill]

ravfem...being unowned and not in service to anyone, i find myself "responding" to Doms and Masters in my vicinity when i shouldn't (and to me it feels like a huge blinking neon sign)...and so, i too take steps to mask that reaction. my fear is that i may go overboard -- that the mask may become too effective, and that i may come off as being not-submissive, not-slave...a fine line...

i prefer to express myself authentically, but there are norms and rules to observe. Paradoxically, being unowned inihibits me from expressing myself completely...

... will send me into the headspace of *wanting* to take it for them, craving it even.

For me, this can lead to a dilemma though, because there have been times where i'm responding to a Dom when i shouldn't, so i end up trying to hide or squelch my want. i wonder if they can sense my desire to submit... i really hope not, because i never want to appear needy or desperate. i hate even the thought of appearing desperate.

[ravfem]

ravfem...being unowned and not in service to anyone, i find myself "responding" to Doms and Masters in my vicinity when i shouldn't (and to me it feels like a huge blinking neon sign)...and so, i too take steps to mask that reaction. my fear is that i may go overboard -- that the mask may become too effective, and that i may come off as being not-submissive, not-slave...a fine line...

i prefer to express myself authentically, but there are norms and rules to observe. Paradoxically, being unowned inihibits me from expressing myself completely...

exactly my situation too, deeper :)

i'm fortunate to be a member of a very loving, giving Leather Family. When we are together, i am allowed to serve my Leather Mama, which does help at the time, but then i come home and am left sort of floundering again.

i can definitely tell that my head space has shifted since being unowned, because like you said, it inhibits expressing myself completely, naturally.

[Words]

I love that this thread is still active.

Thank you.

Words

[Rope]

Thanks people for your responses. I was trying to get out of subs/slaves/girls besides 'I must trust the person before I submit' something deeper about how they get past times when they are not in the mood, or they are being asked to do something past their comfort zone.

True in the Master/slave dynamic, I do not care what my slaves whims, moods or difficulties are except when I do. Take it for me because you are owned by me. As for girls/bois and subs, they often need to know that their "taking it" will be rewarded even if with only appreciation and nothing more. It's not a good or bad thing, it's just a thing, a function of those dynamic.

As to can Masters/Doms/Tops/Daddys/Mommies 'smell' the desire or the want-sometimes yes and for butch M/D/T/D/M's, we still need a two by four to notice those who are attracted to us. Is it hot for us to smell that desire and want, of course. Dispicable is the M/D/T/D/M that exploits that desire and want when they cannot reciprocate.

It is NOT a bad thing to ask a M/D/T/D/M if they are interested in playing, or that you're into this or that dynamic,,,,help a poor M/D/T/D/M out and yourself. We're not always aware that you're at the play party with a friend vs. a date, or that you're into this dynamic or that. Just sayin'

Rope--

p.s. when I asked about 'kick me out', I meant if this space is reserved for subs/slaves/girls/bois then just let me know.

[IrishGrrl]

How do I take it when I'm not in the mood, have the desire, etc?

I try to focus my mind, and get myself in headspace as best I can. Of course, one of my loves is being used for His whims and whatever purposes. I love to be pushed to do things that are out of my comfort zone. So even if I am not in the mood per say, I want Him to do whatever He wants with me regaurdless. That's what I love.

[Tommi]

How do I take it when I'm not in the mood, have the desire, etc?

I try to focus my mind, and get myself in headspace as best I can. Of course, one of my loves is being used for His whims and whatever purposes. I love to be pushed to do things that are out of my comfort zone. So even if I am not in the mood per say, I want Him to do whatever He wants with me regaurdless. That's what I love.

Nice post IrishGrrl. :moonstars:

[Cajun_dee]

Thanks people for your responses. I was trying to get out of subs/slaves/girls besides 'I must trust the person before I submit' something deeper about how they get past times when they are not in the mood, or they are being asked to do something past their comfort zone.

True in the Master/slave dynamic, I do not care what my slaves whims, moods or difficulties are except when I do. Take it for me because you are owned by me. As for girls/bois and subs, they often need to know that their "taking it" will be rewarded even if with only appreciation and nothing more. It's not a good or bad thing, it's just a thing, a function of those dynamic.

As to can Masters/Doms/Tops/Daddys/Mommies 'smell' the desire or the want-sometimes yes and for butch M/D/T/D/M's, we still need a two by four to notice those who are attracted to us. Is it hot for us to smell that desire and want, of course. Dispicable is the M/D/T/D/M that exploits that desire and want when they cannot reciprocate.

It is NOT a bad thing to ask a M/D/T/D/M if they are interested in playing, or that you're into this or that dynamic,,,,help a poor M/D/T/D/M out and yourself. We're not always aware that you're at the play party with a friend vs. a date, or that you're into this dynamic or that. Just sayin'

Rope--

p.s. when I asked about 'kick me out', I meant if this space is reserved for subs/slaves/girls/bois then just let me know.


Part of what would get me in that space.. is hearing just what you said..
*take it for me because you are owned by me, your whims are not a concern of mine*

I like gentle reminders (sarcastic) that make me feel owned and loved by my Sir. Even in the worst of times that's the best thing ever.

Yup that would do it for me.

[nicetgurl_30]

Its soo amazing to get the view point of everyone in this thread. Its been so nice to have this open format. :hamactor:

[tiggs]

Whether or not my 'head-space' is there or other things are going on for me is irrelevant to O/our dynamic unless Hy decides to make it relevant. But if Hy has decided it is time to 'play' so to speak it is up to me either get into subspace or not, either way I am to submit without question to Hys will. The difficulty getting into sub space happened more so early on in our relationship and this was due to me being new to the dynamic and still learning to accept who i am. Since then I have found methods of bringing myself into the right space when I was not initially there, unfortunately they are not always successful.

In the beginning it was with Hys guidance and the rituals i was to follow that would assist me in slowing myself down and focusing on Hym and my submission to Hym. Since then i have been able to develop a mantra that I use during a scene if i am having difficulty finding sub space. I repeat this mantra to myself silently and slowly each word reinforcing my desire to submit to Hys desires.

From the very beginning of O/our relationship it was made crystal clear to me that 'no' was not to be in my vocabulary, in any way. Though limits were discussed it was so that Hy knew which areas would be potentially difficult or reactionary for me not as a means of limiting what Hy could do. I belong to Hym fully, i am Hys to do with as Hy pleases, so to that end, if Hy is wanting something then that is what will happen.

I am a submissive and very much a masochist, submitting to Hys desire is something I take great pride in and crave deeply.

Oh and like many others have said the energy and strength that Hy exudes well dang it makes my knees weak :tease:

[Tommi]

Whether or not my 'head-space' is there or other things are going on for me is irrelevant to O/our dynamic unless Hy decides to make it relevant. But if Hy has decided it is time to 'play' so to speak it is up to me either get into subspace or not, either way I am to submit without question to Hys will. The difficulty getting into sub space happened more so early on in our relationship and this was due to me being new to the dynamic and still learning to accept who i am. Since then I have found methods of bringing myself into the right space when I was not initially there, unfortunately they are not always successful.

In the beginning it was with Hys guidance and the rituals i was to follow that would assist me in slowing myself down and focusing on Hym and my submission to Hym. Since then i have been able to develop a mantra that I use during a scene if i am having difficulty finding sub space. I repeat this mantra to myself silently and slowly each word reinforcing my desire to submit to Hys desires.

From the very beginning of O/our relationship it was made crystal clear to me that 'no' was not to be in my vocabulary, in any way. Though limits were discussed it was so that Hy knew which areas would be potentially difficult or reactionary for me not as a means of limiting what Hy could do. I belong to Hym fully, i am Hys to do with as Hy pleases, so to that end, if Hy is wanting something then that is what will happen.

I am a submissive and very much a masochist, submitting to Hys desire is something I take great pride in and crave deeply.

Oh and like many others have said the energy and strength that Hy exudes well dang it makes my knees weak :tease:

For me, that weak knee response is what makes the world a better place, and puts me in the best of places. Great post. Thanks Tiggs.

[FeminineAllure]

I hate to admit I can be a real SAM and will try to Top from the bottom at first. So private humiliation, punishment, pain and ignoring me for a time period slaps me back into the reality of who is in charge. Or it will let me know who is NOT in charge and who I would not trust my mind, body, heart and soul with.
I must trust my Dominant 100% to give my all to them to be able to melt into sub space.
It can be a combination of the music, the silence, their voice, their instructions to me, fear, the pain, the controlled rhythms, the absense of any senses. The trust is enormous for me. And to enjoy it the consistant aftercare is imperitive to me.

[FeminineAllure]

I apologize for the incorrect spelling of the word Dominant.
I had no time left to correct it.
Thank you.

[FeminineAllure]

And...I did spell it correctly afterall. I must be in need of some school girl scene I guess.:waitinggirl::spank:

[Cajun_dee]

And...I did spell it correctly afterall. I must be in need of some school girl scene I guess.:waitinggirl::spank:

woooohooo oh yes!

[adorable]

So kick me out of this thread if you want....I won't be offended. But I've got a question for submissives in particular those who id as slave. What makes you take it? If you're not particularly a masochist or into pain, what helps you get in the headspace to take it for Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Ma'am, Dom?

Rope--

I like not wanting it and having it done anyway. A few months ago I saw these video's on sex and submission - o-m-g! And I realized that other people got it too. lol. They were consenual but the girls were slapped in the face, tied up, fucked five ways from Friday and it looked brutal - they seemed rather unhappy but compliant. That's me. To be called a filthy whore is one thing, to be beat and used like one another. Therein is where the mindfuckery for me lies. So if hy wants to beat my ass, I'll take it - if I liked it - it wouldn't make as much sense to me. I don't need to be in a headspace to be put in a headspace. Whether I am in the mood or not is irrelevant. I will never be in the mood for most of it. The part that turns me on is that I'm not, hy knows it and does it anyway just because hy can. When hy is hitting me, it hurts - I don't have the "subspace" or spiritual revelations that some do. I'm thinking "please let this end soon." The disconnect between what is being done vs what SHOULD be, the wrongness of it all - is what is hot.

[Velvetkitten]

. To be called a filthy whore is one thing, to be beat and used like one another. Therein is where the mindfuckery for me lies. So if hy wants to beat my ass, I'll take it - if I liked it - it wouldn't make as much sense to me. I don't need to be in a headspace to be put in a headspace. Whether I am in the mood or not is irrelevant. I will never be in the mood for most of it. The part that turns me on is that I'm not, hy knows it and does it anyway just because hy can. When hy is hitting me, it hurts - I don't have the "subspace" or spiritual revelations that some do. I'm thinking "please let this end soon." The disconnect between what is being done vs what SHOULD be, the wrongness of it all - is what is hot.

I get where your coming from and I love that you were so honest. I think we all go through times when we are not in the mood or just can not get to that space but then it doesn't matter because what Hy wants is all that matters. I have caught myself just plain annoyed at times but as you said it is the wrongness of it and then for me the not having a choice that makes it hot.

[Cajun_dee]

*not wanting it and having done it anyway*

perfect !

I feel like have pleased my Sir to the utmost when this happens.

I'm not here for my own pleasure.:|. yup thats my mantra

[ravfem]

hey y'all :)

You know, i completely get what y'all are talking about and agree for the most part.

It isn't about me, and yet.....it is. i mean, for me, if i didn't enjoy and take pleasure out of serving and "taking it", i wouldn't be here, ya know?

There have been *many* times i didn't want to do something, for a multitude of reasons, but i did them anyway (and times when i didn't) because it was what was asked/desired/needed.

Sometimes it helped my head space to mumble my 'mantra' of "it pleases her" to myself, and sometimes it didn't.

i miss that head space, that thought process. The dynamics, the trust & loyalty.

[tiggs]

hey y'all :)

You know, i completely get what y'all are talking about and agree for the most part.

It isn't about me, and yet.....it is. i mean, for me, if i didn't enjoy and take pleasure out of serving and "taking it", i wouldn't be here, ya know?

There have been *many* times i didn't want to do something, for a multitude of reasons, but i did them anyway (and times when i didn't) because it was what was asked/desired/needed.

Sometimes it helped my head space to mumble my 'mantra' of "it pleases her" to myself, and sometimes it didn't.

i miss that head space, that thought process. The dynamics, the trust & loyalty.

Ah yes the 'mantra' mine is 'submit, drop, bleed'.

Submit as a reminder of why I am there of what I am to do for Hym. Drop to remember that I belong at Hys feet and to mentally place myself there and bleed is to remind me that I will bleed for Hym if Hy so chooses and that I am Hys property.

The times I have been able to break through my barriers and past my pain threshold I had used my mantra, just a constant soft whisper in my mind. It allowed me to reach a place of contentment in accepting Hys beatings and a level of pride within myself at what I was able to take for Hym.

hmmmm has me craving a good beating now, the heady smell of leather and the whistle of the single tail through the air *sigh*

[MidnightBlueEyes]

Getting into that headspace has nothing at all to do with pain(though I like it at times) it is the whole power exchange, giving of myself that which no one else gets. I have a very and I mean very dominant personality. I don't typically like being told what to do or when to do it. To me it is like a release to give that part of me to someone special to just "let go"to not have to think but just feel. It is extremely erotic and a gift to my Master who cherishes that gift.
Hmmmm... Velvetkitten.. I can SOOOO relate to this post in many ways. I have an extremely dominant personality. I am dominant in my everyday life. I command my world at work. I am a take charge type of woman and absolutely love it when I succeed at what I am doing. That dominance can only go so far until I am absolutely miserable in it however. I desire to submit with my heart and soul. I am happiest when I am on my knees obeying Sir's every command. Releasing that dominance to Sir is what can send me spiraling serenely into subspace.

Its the "you are mine and you will do as I say" that drops me. Telling me what to do doesn't sit with me well in my everyday world. But let my Sir tell me to do something and I would move heaven and earth to do it.


Part of what would get me in that space.. is hearing just what you said..
*take it for me because you are owned by me, your whims are not a concern of mine*

I like gentle reminders (sarcastic) that make me feel owned and loved by my Sir. Even in the worst of times that's the best thing ever.

Yup that would do it for me.
Sassy_girl, I remember many times that I thought I couldn't take the pain, couldn't take one more hit of the flogger on already reddened burning skin. Then he softly whispers a command and I relax and float into it absorbing the pain into my soul releasing everything until I am floating for him.

I like not wanting it and having it done anyway. A few months ago I saw these video's on sex and submission - o-m-g! And I realized that other people got it too. lol. They were consenual but the girls were slapped in the face, tied up, fucked five ways from Friday and it looked brutal - they seemed rather unhappy but compliant. That's me. To be called a filthy whore is one thing, to be beat and used like one another. Therein is where the mindfuckery for me lies. So if hy wants to beat my ass, I'll take it - if I liked it - it wouldn't make as much sense to me. I don't need to be in a headspace to be put in a headspace. Whether I am in the mood or not is irrelevant. I will never be in the mood for most of it. The part that turns me on is that I'm not, hy knows it and does it anyway just because hy can. When hy is hitting me, it hurts - I don't have the "subspace" or spiritual revelations that some do. I'm thinking "please let this end soon." The disconnect between what is being done vs what SHOULD be, the wrongness of it all - is what is hot.
Interesting.... I too find it absolutely HOT to be taken against my will. I know Sir will never hurt me. He will push me beyond my limits as far as he wants. I am his to use in any way he chooses. I require this to drop me from my dominance. Sir knows very well how to strip that dominance layer by layer until I am raw and broken letting him build me back up into a beautiful masterpiece made only for him.

[Tommi]

Post to Post, this is spatial reading. :moonstars:
Realization that the world is a better place when we are in space on or off the Planet.

[WheelieStrong]

how would someone go about getting RL experience (an not just thinking about it) if they are not sure what makes them submissive or what their limits are?

i have often talked the talk, but i am not sure i could roll the roll (i don't walk lol)

[Cajun_dee]

how would someone go about getting RL experience (an not just thinking about it) if they are not sure what makes them submissive or what their limits are?

i have often talked the talk, but i am not sure i could roll the roll (i don't walk lol)


there is a whole world of information/answers around this question.

You must know what your inclinations are deep inside...

[Cajun_dee]

Great point.. subspace is not always about pain...

Power exchange, a voice, a tone a feeling can send me off anytime..

[violaine]

In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will
Will you let the morning come soon
Or will you leave me lying here
In your favourite darkness
Your favourite half-light
Your favourite consciousness
Your favourite slave

In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here
Your favourite innocence
Your favourite prize
Your favourite smile
Your favourite slave

I'm hanging on your words
living on your breath
feeling with your skin
Will I always be here

In your room
Your burning eyes
Cause flames to arise
Will you let the fire die down soon
Or will I always be here
Your favourite passion
Your favourite game
Your favourite mirror
Your favourite slave

I'm hanging on your words
living on your breath
feeling with your skin
Will I always be here

--dm

[LaneyDoll]

I remember many times that I thought I couldn't take the pain, couldn't take one more hit of the flogger on already reddened burning skin. Then he softly whispers a command and I relax and float into it absorbing the pain into my soul releasing everything until I am floating for him.

This is so very beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[Delish]

Oh sub space....how I miss thee.......

[Cajun_dee]

Oh Subspace, how I love thee.

[CherylNYC]

Oh subspace, how I anticipate thee.

Getting on a plane for IMsL on Wed night. Woo-hoo!

[LaneyDoll]

Oh subspace how you elude me.

;)

[Cajun_dee]

oh Subspace how I crave thee!

[Cajun_dee]

subspace how I enjoy thee.............

[Tommi]

subspace how I enjoy thee.......

...... when I take thee there.

[Miss Scarlett]

oh lovely subspace...i am starting to crave thee...

[Cajun_dee]

Subspace how I drop from thee..........

[Rope]

TODAY: APRIL 20TH join us for BDSM chat in the Dungeon here at 5 p.m. PST

[MidnightBlueEyes]

Ughhh... See what I get for being wore out from work the past 3 days.. I missed this.. Will look forward to the next one!

Subspace... how I anticipate your next arrival.. :bdsmslave:

[Rope]

Tommi asked me if every Wednesday at 5 p.m. PST was going to be BDSM chat in the Dungeon room. Yes, we were shooting for every Wednesday at this time. I know it's a little early for the west coast but we were trying to not make it so late for the east coast folks.

So no one and everyone is the moderator. I'll try to put out ping reminders in the bdsm threads. I may be starting a new job in a couple of weeks, so I may not be able to join but please, have at it.

We've had some interesting chats and some just sharing moments.

[Cajun_dee]

I love the idea of having the weekly leather chats, But I am very limited on my time at that time and feel a chat around a certain subject would be a good thing. Not an official agenda with moderators but a subject matter that we could bounce around on.

[Rope]

Well we've been fairly loose with the topics letting those that come decide when they get there. Most of the topics have been newbies or non-leather folk asking questions so far. If you've got a burning topic, let us know via this thread or the BDSM Exploration thread, and that way it can alert those interested in that topic.

Just a suggestion---if you want to do something different, please have at it.

Rope--

[Cajun_dee]

Well we've been fairly loose with the topics letting those that come decide when they get there. Most of the topics have been newbies or non-leather folk asking questions so far. If you've got a burning topic, let us know via this thread or the BDSM Exploration thread, and that way it can alert those interested in that topic.

Just a suggestion---if you want to do something different, please have at it.

Rope--

A burning topic, maybe someone wanting to chat has one.

Thanks Rope

[Martina]

i often think of being a bottom and a sub as being an emotional artist. There are lots of times we have to just cope with our own reactions so as not to disturb the peace of our Dominant. This is actually a very healthy thing for me. Very buddhist. Learning that emotions are just emotions, and not reality -- and practicing that. Realizing over and again how a week or so later, i can barely remember what concerned me before. i don't just stifle. i let things go -- not always, but often. It's a great discipline, and it helps me cultivate a peaceful mind.

The other side of that is not transparency in the larger sense, but being readable. It's not just when i am bottoming that my Tops enjoy my body language, my facial expressions, and the sounds i make. When they tease or demand, when they scare me or delight me, they want to see my authentic reactions. i have had to learn to reveal myself more and more, to allow myself to make the sounds and show the facial expressions i truly feel, but completely openly, almost like a child.

i don't know. i was just thinking today what a discipline it is being a sub. It is the opposite of self-indulgence in some ways, but it also requires being as in one's body and in touch with one's emotions as it is possible to be. It's a strange combination of nun and courtesan.

[Miss Scarlett]

i often think of being a bottom and a sub as being an emotional artist. There are lots of times we have to just cope with our own reactions so as not to disturb the peace of our Dominant. This is actually a very healthy thing for me. Very buddhist. Learning that emotions are just emotions, and not reality -- and practicing that. Realizing over and again how a week or so later, i can barely remember what concerned me before. i don't just stifle. i let things go -- not always, but often. It's a great discipline, and it helps me cultivate a peaceful mind.

The other side of that is not transparency in the larger sense, but being readable. It's not just when i am bottoming that my Tops enjoy my body language, my facial expressions, and the sounds i make. When they tease or demand, when they scare me or delight me, they want to see my authentic reactions. i have had to learn to reveal myself more and more, to allow myself to make the sounds and show the facial expressions i truly feel, but completely openly, almost like a child.

i don't know. i was just thinking today what a discipline it is being a sub. It is the opposite of self-indulgence in some ways, but it also requires being as in one's body and in touch with one's emotions as it is possible to be. It's a strange combination of nun and courtesan.

i love this post Martina!

i want to say more but time is not on my side right now...will do so this evening...

[deeperstill]

Thank you for this Martina
These things are on my mind, particularly stifling vs. letting go and being authentically readable
my life of pleasing others has included a lot of *creating* reactions to please others, but my Syr expects and deserves my authentic reactions
It has been quite a process to untangle myself
This has spilled over into my life overall, and i am grateful for that
it is quite something to let go AND to be authentic in one's reactions
:bunchflowers:

i often think of being a bottom and a sub as being an emotional artist. There are lots of times we have to just cope with our own reactions so as not to disturb the peace of our Dominant. This is actually a very healthy thing for me. Very buddhist. Learning that emotions are just emotions, and not reality -- and practicing that. Realizing over and again how a week or so later, i can barely remember what concerned me before. i don't just stifle. i let things go -- not always, but often. It's a great discipline, and it helps me cultivate a peaceful mind.

The other side of that is not transparency in the larger sense, but being readable. It's not just when i am bottoming that my Tops enjoy my body language, my facial expressions, and the sounds i make. When they tease or demand, when they scare me or delight me, they want to see my authentic reactions. i have had to learn to reveal myself more and more, to allow myself to make the sounds and show the facial expressions i truly feel, but completely openly, almost like a child.

i don't know. i was just thinking today what a discipline it is being a sub. It is the opposite of self-indulgence in some ways, but it also requires being as in one's body and in touch with one's emotions as it is possible to be. It's a strange combination of nun and courtesan.

[Cajun_dee]

Ohhhh how I do love subspace, and that totally dimwitted, floating feeling I enjoy for a while afterwards...... mmmmm

Thank you Syr!

[Miss Scarlett]

Thank you for this Martina
These things are on my mind, particularly stifling vs. letting go and being authentically readable
my life of pleasing others has included a lot of *creating* reactions to please others, but my Syr expects and deserves my authentic reactions
It has been quite a process to untangle myself
This has spilled over into my life overall, and i am grateful for that
it is quite something to let go AND to be authentic in one's reactions
:bunchflowers:

Excellent post...can't help but wonder if we aren't the same person because this certainly sounds familiar...

i'm still in the process of re-learning to let go and be authentic (beginning in my overall life since i'm barely dangling a toe these days) but this isn't as simple as it sounds because it requires trust - in others yes, but mostly in myself...so i guess we can add confidence to the list as well...

For me trust is paramount and is in a photo-finish with honesty and openness of communication...

Getting back to authentic reactions/responses...understanding that while a particular reaction/response from me may be desired, my Dominant is always entitled to an honest one.

[Martina]

i don't even drop hard and it sucks. CRANKY me!

[Cajun_dee]

Subspace ... Sometimes I don't make it to subspace, sometimes it takes me a long slow while to feel endorphins taking over, which is the first step to finding subspace... I wish I could get there faster sometimes.

I am finding that a longer, slower beating will bring me there, then it's meltdown city.. then I float for a long time after.. then crash the next day.

I don't like the crashing part but at least I know what it is, and I always appreciate what I was given.

[Dominique]

I find my endorphine *conditioning* from my hobbies has helped me tremendously, with sub space.

*I* prefer the terminology ~beatdown~ as opposed to beat. Not that there is a right word, to each their own. Beatdown is a process. It takes
that process for me to reach the sub space. I too float. I don't crash,
in fact quite the opposite. I come out of it very collected, and stronger.

An absolute in my life.(f)

[Softly]

I feel like my life has been so crazy hectic out-of-control lately that I forgot what this felt like!!

miss it!

:seeingstars:

[Dominique]

There's something to be said about the correct combination of raised welts and tears.......:sado:

[Hunter Green]

i often think of being a bottom and a sub as being an emotional artist. There are lots of times we have to just cope with our own reactions so as not to disturb the peace of our Dominant. This is actually a very healthy thing for me. Very buddhist. Learning that emotions are just emotions, and not reality -- and practicing that. Realizing over and again how a week or so later, i can barely remember what concerned me before. i don't just stifle. i let things go -- not always, but often. It's a great discipline, and it helps me cultivate a peaceful mind.

The other side of that is not transparency in the larger sense, but being readable. It's not just when i am bottoming that my Tops enjoy my body language, my facial expressions, and the sounds i make. When they tease or demand, when they scare me or delight me, they want to see my authentic reactions. i have had to learn to reveal myself more and more, to allow myself to make the sounds and show the facial expressions i truly feel, but completely openly, almost like a child.

i don't know. i was just thinking today what a discipline it is being a sub. It is the opposite of self-indulgence in some ways, but it also requires being as in one's body and in touch with one's emotions as it is possible to be. It's a strange combination of nun and courtesan.


What an open, interesting and honest post. Thanks for sharing this, Martina.

[Sassy]

((*squee!* I'm happy to have found this part of the website!))

My Love is my Top. I'm Her sub. It's an intrinsic dynamic in our relationship. We met at a BDSM group. Flirted over beers at the local fetish club with someone on a St. Andrew's cross in the background before we ever went on our first date. :drool: Ah, memories. *grins*

[Miss Scarlett]

There's something to be said about the correct combination of raised welts and tears.......:sado:

Indeed there is...

[MidnightBlueEyes]

Ohhh... how I miss sub space... :bdsmslave: