Fierce Femmes, Allies and Gender Expectations...

[Apocalipstic]

I have been thinking about starting this tread for weeks, and I keep putting it off for lack of a catchy name.....:)

I in no way am trying to take anything away or diss Traditional Femme and Butch/FtM roles....

However,

I would like to hear from Femmes who ID differently. Alpha Femmes, Femme Daddy's, Femmes who feel like dudes, Femmes who wish they were men, Femme Tops...ALL Femmes who have ever thought "Hey, how come all we discuss is Butch and FtM gender?", "I don't exactly fit the stereotypes people seem to be having about what Femme is?" or even "I do fit every single stereotype, but wants to discuss anyway"...

Femme/Butch does not = Girl/Boy
Femme does not = submissive
Femme does not = bottom

So many expectations of what Femme is supposed to be. What have you faced?

Thoughts on any of this?

Everyone is welcome!!! :)

[Apocalipstic]

I, for example, have way more in common with a 16 year old guy, than I do Betty Crocker!

I am not even sure what a feeling is.

I am very un-romantic.

I fall alsleep after sex.

I strap on.

I like to "run the show", as it were.

I like to be called Daddy

etc....

[The_Lady_Snow]

One thing I have learned to despise over the years is...

"No I don't want a baby girl type femme" in the same breath

"Could you be just a lil more girly or femme?"

makes me want to punt a juice box off their fucking neck...

Folks are uncomfy or to insecure to be with a femme like myself, I don't submit, nor am I a Hallmark moment...

So my femme surely does not fit that pretty lil pink demure box most people are comfy with...

[The_Lady_Snow]

I, for example, have way more in common with a 16 year old guy, than I do Betty Crocker!

Gurlllll, don't I know it... *I* have boys that bake for me

I am not even sure what a feeling is.

*I* can make ya feel though

I am very un-romantic.

Right? You want romance go cruise your local Hallmark store


I fall alsleep after sex.

heh



I strap on.

I too love my cock!

I like to "run the show", as it were.

I too run my household..

I like to be called Daddy

There is only one Daddy in our house, and that is *me*

etc....

For myself I can compute with you in these ways.... I can't with alot of other femmes cause they are what I am not nor ever could be, so at times I have been downed by them for not being a *real femme*

My response..

"I got your *real femme* right here as I grab my big fat femme cock..

Just sayin

[Selenay]

I am femme
I am a bottom
I am submissive
I am passive
I take it

Except

When I'm not

I am butch
I'm a Top
I'm the instigator
I'm Miss
I give it

I don't cook and I don't bake
I don't like to fold and I'm happy to keep all my clothes in two piles: dirty, and clean.
I feel far more powerful walking down a street wearing Tims than I do in Steve Maddens

Who's your Daddy, now?

[Apocalipstic]

One thing I have learned to despise over the years is...

"No I don't want a baby girl type femme" in the same breath

"Could you be just a lil more girly or femme?"

makes me want to punt a juice box off their fucking neck...

Folks are uncomfy or to insecure to be with a femme like myself, I don't submit, nor am I a Hallmark moment...

So my femme surely does not fit that pretty lil pink demure box most people are comfy with...

Ha, no Lifetime television for Women here either! :)

When I first joined a B/F site someone asked me why I did not go with a softer name like Snugglybunnyfemme...well first off, I am not a snuggler...I am llergic to rabbits (adorable as they are)...and well, I just don't feel like anyone's baby anything.

[Apocalipstic]

For myself I can compute with you in these ways.... I can't with alot of other femmes cause they are what I am not nor ever could be, so at times I have been downed by them for not being a *real femme*

My response..

"I got your *real femme* right here as I grab my big fat femme cock..

Just sayin


The Hallmark isle gives me hives. Sometimes all Cynthia will ask for for a holiday is a sweet card I have actually read.....eeeeeeekkkkk....I almost hyperventilate every time.

My cock is blue and opalescent and named Blue Thunder!

[Apocalipstic]

I am femme
I am a bottom
I am submissive
I am passive
I take it

Except

When I'm not

I am butch
I'm a Top
I'm the instigator
I'm Miss
I give it

I don't cook and I don't bake
I don't like to fold and I'm happy to keep all my clothes in two piles: dirty, and clean.
I feel far more powerful walking down a street wearing Tims than I do in Steve Maddens

Who's your Daddy, now?




Oh yeahhhh! :)

I do the laundry, but only beacsue I am picky about it. I don't cook, Cynthia is picky about that.

I bring home the bacon and hand it over!

Woof!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Ha, no Lifetime television for Women here either! :)

When I first joined a B/F site someone asked me why I did not go with a softer name like Snugglybunnyfemme...well first off, I am not a snuggler...I am llergic to rabbits (adorable as they are)...and well, I just don't feel like anyone's baby anything.


My favorite thing is and always will be the horror and offense people take to

the ever so deviant

FEMME COCK


:rant::rant:


heh

[Apocalipstic]

My favorite thing is and always will be the horror and offense people take to

the ever so deviant

FEMME COCK


:rant::rant:


heh

Ohhhhh the humanityyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

:censor:

Though some seem to like it. Muahahahaha.

[SuperFemme]

BOINK. Did somebody say Femme Cock?

I love it (unless it has glitterj). :piratelaugh:

[Apocalipstic]

BOINK. Did somebody say Femme Cock?

I love it (unless it has glitterj). :piratelaugh:


But the opalescence is fine, right???

:batty:

[SuperFemme]

But the opalescence is fine, right???

:batty:

:nixon: Opal IS my birthstone.

[Apocalipstic]

I do not always behave or even sit like a lady....

Do you?

Baby and wedding showers? Can't do it.

and you better remind me when your birthday is if you expect me to remember.

[Apocalipstic]

:nixon: Opal IS my birthstone.


Perfect! :rrose:

[Selenay]

When I strap on my boots
And I slip on my suit
You see the vixen in me
Becomes an angel for you.

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever.
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps getting better.

[Apocalipstic]

When I strap on my boots
And I slip on my suit
You see the vixen in me
Becomes an angel for you.

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever.
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps getting better.



I love it!

[SuperFemme]

I do not always behave or even sit like a lady....

Do you?

Baby and wedding showers? Can't do it.

and you better remind me when your birthday is if you expect me to remember.

I just had to put on a baby shower for my MORMON daughter.

It.
Almost.
Killed.
Me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I hate baby showers, bridal showers, any kind of having to decorate kind of event...

I want nothing to do with it, I will show, bring a gift but I just don't have that gene in me. I get bored.

[Apocalipstic]

Femmes are not just one thing, We can be so many things.

We can fix cars, we can use power tools, we are strong, we are proud.

I refuse to be told I can't know about cars, or pump my own gas, or drive because I am Femme. :readfineprint:

I hate the mere suggestion that I have to be submissive about anything... EVER.

I hate the suggestion that a Butch is soft or somehow less Butch if they like Femmes like Me.

I don't need to be saved.

[Soft*Silver]

wow. I am nowhere near your levels of fierceness but I would strap on for Sarah Pallin...yes I would..mmmmm dandy...

also, but more realistic..the one area I have problems with in the fufu femme arena is that I cant tolerate stuffed toys. Yet, people tend to give them to me. I tell them two times. The third time I take off its head and sew its mouth shut and sew its head on backwards and display it without saying a word. I usually dont get stuffies again

yet I also have to admit the one stuffed animal I will accept is a web kinz...and thats because who gives them to me are the children of my best buddy Jean..her nieces and nephews. They save their money to bring me Webkinz when i am hospitalized. How can I say no?

I admire femmes who can strap on. I love femmes who are God Almighty Herself in the mix. I am not attracted to them but I do admire them. I love our diversity ...

and my ex BF, Alex, who is FtM, was living as a femme lesbian before he transitioned. So yes femmes can transition too...

[Apocalipstic]

I hate baby showers, bridal showers, any kind of having to decorate kind of event...

I want nothing to do with it, I will show, bring a gift but I just don't have that gene in me. I get bored.


I do like to decorate if I can go gothic. :)
I do work for an event company....grin.

But baby and wedding showers? I send a nice gift and call it a day.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Yeah anything to do with Palin makes my dick cringe and makes me want to kick her in the temple...

[Apocalipstic]

wow. I am nowhere near your levels of fierceness but I would strap on for Sarah Pallin...yes I would..mmmmm dandy...

also, but more realistic..the one area I have problems with in the fufu femme arena is that I cant tolerate stuffed toys. Yet, people tend to give them to me. I tell them two times. The third time I take off its head and sew its mouth shut and sew its head on backwards and display it without saying a word. I usually dont get stuffies again

yet I also have to admit the one stuffed animal I will accept is a web kinz...and thats because who gives them to me are the children of my best buddy Jean..her nieces and nephews. They save their money to bring me Webkinz when i am hospitalized. How can I say no?

I admire femmes who can strap on. I love femmes who are God Almighty Herself in the mix. I am not attracted to them but I do admire them. I love our diversity ...

and my ex BF, Alex, who is FtM, was living as a femme lesbian before he transitioned. So yes femmes can transition too...

For Sarah Palin, I vote Permanent Ball Gag! :)

and yeah, no stuffed animals. I would love to see photos of what you have done to yours though, It sounds wonderfully creepy! Yeayy!

I love it that Femme's are transitioning. I thought about it, but I fear I would look like Truman Capote.

[Apocalipstic]

I do tend to look like a Sunday School teacher unless I make an effort though.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I may be guilty of having these kind of plushies....

http://th06.deviantart.net/fs38/300W/f/2008/351/7/e/7e804f6c9b39ff0f20f067fb4ef61e27.jpg

*giggle*

[Apocalipstic]

I have a Barbie with a whip, but I don't think that counts?

[Spirit Dancer]

Femmes are not just one thing, We can be so many things.

We can fix cars, we can use power tools, we are strong, we are proud.

I refuse to be told I can't know about cars, or pump my own gas, or drive because I am Femme. :readfineprint:

I hate the mere suggestion that I have to be submissive about anything... EVER.

I hate the suggestion that a Butch is soft or somehow less Butch if they like Femmes like Me.

I don't need to be saved.



Claps hands thank you for starting this thread.:kissy:

On more than one occasion I've been told why are you an Alpha Femme when you have a Syr. My reply is I was born Alpha I smacked the doc when I came out, grab mom's breast and took control. My gift to Syr is just that a gift and when there comes a time that we are not one, My gift will remain locked to Hym. My energy has always been this way, I tried to change and not going to happen. I'm aggressive and fierce a protector by nature. I can and have worked on cars, fix my own plumbing issues, and I have power tools. Femme Daddy yep that too.:seesaw:

[Apocalipstic]

People do not think before they ask questions or make comments do they? We can be who we want to be, date who we want to date, fuck who we want to fuck.

Thank you to all who have posted so far!

[Martina]

i am femme. And i hate whatever i have tried to prefix to that in the past to let people know that i don't do my nails and i prefer wearing berkenstocks. Andro femme, tomboy femme, hippy femme. They all evoke looks of sympathy from people that make me then want to throttle them.

i am femme. End of conversation. But i am not any kind of stereotype. Up until i made a big career change that took all my time, i spent much of my time hanging out in bars listening to altcountry music -- a genre followed by middle aged white men. Most of my closest friends over the years have been men, and most of them straight. i was kind of one of those High Fidelity geeks except i didn't make lists and have a terrible memory.

i have always disliked the statement that so many femmes put out as if to confound stereotypes -- the i use power tools in my stilletos one. i do not touch power tools, and i have never owned a pair of stilettos. i don't do a lot of traditionally femme things, mostly because those things bore me. i'd rather be reading.

i may not collect shoes, but i also don't like sports. Although i used to hang out with guys all the time, when it was time for me to go home, they walked me to the car and carried my things.

i am happy to be a woman and a femme. i do not love all that woman and femme mean in our culture. Some of it i don't love just because it's not me. Some of it because it's sexist and reactionary.

Re D/s, i am a submissive. i love it. Most people who know me outside of leather would be surprised to hear it. i am a high school teacher. Mostly kids behave in my class because we have a relationship, but if they don't, it's not a problem. i can take care of it.

Re sex, i have been with stone butches and had perfectly satisfying relationships, but i am so not a stone femme. i love to fuck women. i am good at it. i don't strap. i am an old dyke. i am good with my hands.

i proudly ID as a bottom. i do not know how to use toys. Very little bores me more than long conversations about toys -- though i do take note of which ones i like used on me. But, like many masochists, i am also turned on by sadism, and i have made quite a few folks happy just using my hands and my teeth. Actually i had an old paddle i loved, but i lost it at some point.

i am femme, but i also date femmes. i am in service to a butch-femme couple now. i have served femmes before. i love it. However, i do not love the "ewww" that i have heard in my community when i have said that out loud in the past.

i like butches, but not all butches and not everything about butches. Some butches take my breath away. i love them for all the same reasons most femmes do. But i am not as big of a fan of the swagger as most femmes are. i prefer quiet confidence.

i also do not think that because i am a queer femme that i have anything over straight women or andro dykes. i am who i am. It's awesome. They are who they are. Awesome too. i have no interest in defining myself in a way that denigrates other women. i love women. i am femme.

[Soft*Silver]

I do tend to look like a Sunday School teacher unless I make an effort though.


people use to tell me that when they met me, their first impression was that I was a good little Catholic girl. (And now, yes, I look like a Sunday School teacher.)

some of it is that I am gay. Some of it is that I dabbled in leather just a bit, long ago. Some of it is that I was a strong strong strong farm girl. I could unload a haytruck by myself, throwing the bales into the loft on my own. Trust me. I had arms that could arm wrestle any butch and win. And because I rode horses, my thighs were strong enough to crack nuts..lol...

but then the accidents happened..and no, I cannot do any of that anymore...but they make good stories round the femmes fires, dont they?

[AtLast]

Thank you all for bringing all of this to the site! If there is one thing I have learned since embracing my B-F identity (really a newbie compared to many), is that femmes are absolutely not to be stereotyped! Which gives me so much freedom as a butch! Must be that dance...

I am thinking about attending the Femme Conference as an ally (and a volunteer to do some grunt work) in August in Oakland. I just don't see me affording the Reunion (which does make me sad) financially. And I think it would be a very good thing for me to attend as an ally and listen to femmes tell their stories and demonstrate their diversity.

And I am going to read this thread from start to finish!

[NJFemmie]

also, but more realistic..the one area I have problems with in the fufu femme arena is that I cant tolerate stuffed toys. Yet, people tend to give them to me. I tell them two times. The third time I take off its head and sew its mouth shut and sew its head on backwards and display it without saying a word. I usually dont get stuffies again



I want pictures of these.
Seriously.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I am strong

I am a sadist

I am NOT submissive

I will NOT submit

I am a Daddy

I am a Leather Femme

I am power

I am nasty, kinky, dirty, spit in your mouth, fuck you till you bleed, fuck your mouth with my cock till you pass out from not being able to breathe..

I am unapologetic, a pig and sometimes I like to cuddle...

[SuperFemme]

I am strong

I am a sadist

I am NOT submissive

I will NOT submit

I am a Daddy

I am a Leather Femme

I am power

I am nasty, kinky, dirty, spit in your mouth, fuck you till you bleed, fuck your mouth with my cock till you pass out from not being able to breathe..

I am unapologetic, a pig and sometimes I like to cuddle...

Will you cuddle me after you steal all my oxygen and I'm on the floor? :unicorn:

[SuperFemme]

I love it when femme Daddy answers the phone.
THAT get's me hot.:happyjump:

[Apocalipstic]

It does seem dangerous at best to think about using power tools in stilettos. Seriously. And...would the stilettos have to be clear acrylic to match the safety glasses? Yeah. So NO WAY.

I do my nails because I get hang nails otherwise and It's relaxing to get them done.

I do know what it means when your blinker starts making the clicking noise double time.

Can I do basic plumbing? Yes. Do I? Nah.

When I first came out, I was told I had to be Femme and that meant that I had to let Butches drive my car. WTF. I admit that since Cynthia is a back (side) seat driver extraordinaire, that to keep from killing her I have to tell her to focus on "just sitting there" or just let her drive. Whatever makes it work.

I used to be really strong physically when I was younger and was told I did not make Butches feel Butch enough....I always thought that sounded like a personal problem and kinda too close to "talking about our feeeeelings" for comfort.

High heels? Not so much any more, I fall so often anyways, I don't need to break an ankle.

Sadistic? Yes I am.
Making someone cry gives me a head rush.

[Apocalipstic]

I have dated several people who are girlier than I am. They IDed as Lesbians, not as Femmes per se.

When single I wanted to date Femmes sometimes, but they did not want to date Me.

I think both Butch and Femme energy are hot!!!!

[NJFemmie]

I've done stilettos
I've done combat boots
I hate dresses
I love weaponry
I can work power tools like nobody's business
I've strapped and been strapped
I've topped and I've bottomed
I don't submit to anyone (other than Mare)
I've had nails that shamed a dragon lady
... and there are times when I've had none
I've been with butches, femmes and tweens
I won't let anyone tell me what's femme and what's not
...
because I don't believe femmes should be defined by anyone but themselves.

[Soft*Silver]

I have no photos of the Twisted Teddies. .. they left when the romance did....

[Apocalipstic]

I have no photos of the Twisted Teddies. .. they left when the romance did....

This makes me sad, maybe you should go into business selling tortured stuffies.

[NJFemmie]

I have no photos of the Twisted Teddies. .. they left when the romance did....

I want to send you some "stuffies" so I can see what you do to them.
And, I want pictures.
I. need. them.

lol

Mare and I share a common interest (among the many) with "unusual" (twisted would be a better word) dolls. She has quite a collection of them, actually.

[Soft*Silver]

I would be obliged to do this if you really want me to .... I also am working on "bad butch fairies"...am hoping to have them up for sale by xmas... really disgusting lovable little shits...

[Apocalipstic]

I would be obliged to do this if you really want me to .... I also am working on "bad butch fairies"...am hoping to have them up for sale by xmas... really disgusting lovable little shits...

Bad Butch Fairies? Yeayyyy!

[BullDog]

Oh somebody made me a butch fairy doll once! The doll's name was Horny! :D

[Spirit Dancer]

See why I love you, ENERGY is so HOT and where we derive our ENERGY can vary. :wolf:whistle

I have dated several people who are girlier than I am. They IDed as Lesbians, not as Femmes per se.

When single I wanted to date Femmes sometimes, but they did not want to date Me.

I think both Butch and Femme energy are hot!!!!

[AtLast]

I would be obliged to do this if you really want me to .... I also am working on "bad butch fairies"...am hoping to have them up for sale by xmas... really disgusting lovable little shits...

OMG!!! Big trouble ahead...

:sailing: ... away...

[imperfect_cupcake]

thanks martina. I don't use any kind of qualifier. Nor do I use them with anyone else. When I have a gathering of friends, I don't refer to someone as my "femme" friend. or a "butch" buddie. They are my friend. I don't gender, race or sexuality denote/qualify my relationships to others. Why do they need to know what sexuality they are? when talking I don't say "my lesbian friend" or "my femme friend" or "my spanish friend"

Butches and femmes are just people, just like everyone else. just as diverse. I hate people assuming I know what they are talking about just because they have the same gender expression grouping I do. That's like assuming all people who wear the colour blue have x things in common. I don't. and stop assuming they do.

I have a strong thread of androgenous femininity/masculine femininity in me.
I can be completely gender neutral half the time, especially at work.
I don't like to be refered to by my gender(s). Ever. Use my name. And don't assume you know anything about me simply by my sexuality or because you know one of my genders.
I like gender neutral pronouns and she. if someone doesn't know me, if the world was perfect, I'd prefer they refered to me by gender neutral. And I wish this was done at work.
I'm not interested in how "you" see femmes anymore than being interested in how "you" see any group of people en mass.
Make a single joke about "femmes" and how we all can't drive (or whatever) and I'm more than likely to tell you a joke about all the stupid backward bitches like you I've met too. Sure is funny, you stupid backward bitches! but bless, ain't you cute in your own way? And really I love stupid backward bitches and have the utmost respect for them.

[Nina]

it speaks volumes to *me* that the discussion on this thread has woven around to the making and selling of 'bad butch faries' and the few word responses to the afore mentioned farie dolls...

I may well be wrong in my impression, and I may well be wrong in leaving any comment....still, I just find it so telling that when the question of Fierce Femmes and the whole range of self-expressions is on the table, the discussion comes back to butches and dolls

[Apocalipstic]

it speaks volumes to *me* that the discussion on this thread has woven around to the making and selling of 'bad butch faries' and the few word responses to the afore mentioned farie dolls...

I may well be wrong in my impression, and I may well be wrong in leaving any comment....still, I just find it so telling that when the question of Fierce Femmes and the whole range of self-expressions is on the table, the discussion comes back to butches and dolls

Lmao! Sorry I have my life in the evenings and have not been back to post anything more heavy. But no I did not plan to end up talking about Butches and dolls, but I must admit to being amused my my own mental pictures of stuffed animals with backwards heads.

[Apocalipstic]

I actually do sometimes use Femme qualifiers because I am so excited to have Femme friends. I knew zero other Femmes before finding the Internets (heh) and it still makes me happy to be able to say "my Femme friend________". I think those of us who do not live in cities with millions of people and have less opportunity to see and meet other Femmes are maybe even a little star struck by other Femmes.

Also for me, the word "She" holds great power. Maybe because my mother died when I was a kid and Women have always been these mystical elusive creatures to me. I feel honored to be a She, while at the same time having a piggish teen aged boy/James Bond thing going on in my head.

As a child I wanted to be a boy about half of the time. I am not into sports either, not do I work on cars, though I can to a degree work on older cars(due to having owned some doozies in the past). I like books, art, music, theater, history and things of that nature.

I always rebelled at the thought that boys and girls had a completely different set of rules on how to act....which now gets carried over to Butch-Femme to quite an extent.

Except.

I love the transgressive feeling I get after work reading the newspaper while my big tattooed BullDyke G/F fixes dinner for me. It's HOT.

[Apocalipstic]

Oh and, yeah, my driving record is perfect.

[AshenLady]

I have been thinking about starting this tread for weeks, and I keep putting it off for lack of a catchy name.....:)


So glad you came up with a catchy name. Thank you for this thread - what a breath of fresh air ...

I am femme, no doubt about it :spruceup: but if something needs fixin' or there's hard work to be done or something needs drivin' - I'm on it, and don't you dare try to belittle or redefine me. :pirate-steer:

[Apocalipstic]

So glad you came up with a catchy name. Thank you for this thread - what a breath of fresh air ...

I am femme, no doubt about it :spruceup: but if something needs fixin' or there's hard work to be done or something needs drivin' - I'm on it, and don't you dare try to belittle or redefine me. :pirate-steer:

I used to enjoy driving the big trucks at work back before they got so picky about CDL's and all.

I went by Big Rig Jenny! :)

[Martina]

Also for me, the word "She" holds great power. Maybe because my mother died when I was a kid and Women have always been these mystical elusive creatures to me. I feel honored to be a She, while at the same time having a piggish teen aged boy/James Bond thing going on in my head.


i loved this post so much i had to quote part of it back.

[Jess]

Let's not forget MOMMY can be totally fierce!!!

ADULT LANGUAGE IN USE: YOU BE WARNED!

YouTube- Missy Elliott - Mommy

[Gemme]

Let's not forget MOMMY can be totally fierce!!!

ADULT LANGUAGE IN USE: YOU BE WARNED!

YouTube- Missy Elliott - Mommy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAk1dt13yLA)

This is one of my FAVES by Missy Elliott and I think exemplifies the strength I've seen shown in here.

Count me in as a strong ally.

[Soon]

To all of the kick ass, beautiful fierce femmes out there... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q7IzwUa_kI&feature=player_embedded#!)

[Medusa]

My Femme laughs at fart jokes, likes porn, and drives too slow - AND is a Feminist. :)

[Spirit Dancer]

My Femme laughs at fart jokes, likes porn, and drives too slow - AND is a Feminist. :)

Jack are you posting as Dusa?:cheer:

[redrose]

i am femme,,,
i am submissive,,,
but since my butch was super quiet, i was the one who will always fight for her, but she was very protective of me,,, :|
i guess we're different from the others because we both don't believe in toys, i mean, strap ons, vibrators, plastic cocks, dildos, etc...
:thumbsup:

[apretty]

I actually do sometimes use Femme qualifiers because I am so excited to have Femme friends. I knew zero other Femmes before finding the Internets (heh) and it still makes me happy to be able to say "my Femme friend________". I think those of us who do not live in cities with millions of people and have less opportunity to see and meet other Femmes are maybe even a little star struck by other Femmes.
...

I love the transgressive feeling I get after work reading the newspaper while my big tattooed BullDyke G/F fixes dinner for me. It's HOT.

i love all of this! yes yes and yes!

i have said 'femme friend' because it's short-hand for 'she who gets a MAJOR part of my life without explanation, above all others' additionally, why not use the title (qualifier, if you must) for what it is, a title of respect?

<3

[Apocalipstic]

i love all of this! yes yes and yes!

i have said 'femme friend' because it's short-hand for 'she who gets a MAJOR part of my life without explanation, above all others' additionally, why not use the title (qualifier, if you must) for what it is, a title of respect?

<3


So glad I am not the only one to proudly say...this is My Femme Friend! :)

[Spirit Dancer]

So glad I am not the only one to proudly say...this is My Femme Friend! :)

My fiesty fierce femme friend you ROCK:batman:
where is a cat woman icon pfft

[waxnrope]

just droppin' in to ask:
:wtf: is a "bad butch fairy"?

[The_Lady_Snow]

just droppin' in to ask:
:wtf: is a "bad butch fairy"?


So as an ally all you got out of the convos was this???

[waxnrope]

So as an ally all you got out of the convos was this???

um, no. but it is the one question that continues to tickle my grey matter ... so far. :watereyes:

[The_Lady_Snow]

um, no. but it is the one question that continues to tickle my grey matter ... so far. :watereyes:

This is the only Fairy Butch I know of

Is he bad?

I can't really say, rumor has it hy maybe a lil wicked...
http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/4/s_b6a7f1c80a7b46c4b181a89d0f542860.jpg

[Nat]

I do not always behave or even sit like a lady....

Do you?

Baby and wedding showers? Can't do it.

and you better remind me when your birthday is if you expect me to remember.

I think if I die and go to hell, it will be a baby shower that never ends.

This is a great thread - thanks for starting it.

I'm a femme whose ID has morphed a lot since I came out 4 and a half years ago. I guess I'm not a baby-femme anymore, but I understand now more than in the past that I am still discovering who I am and what I enjoy and/or will enjoy in the future. I suspect it may be my fate in life to continually be going through some sea change, and that's alright I guess.

I don't think of myself as fierce, but I'm glad there are fierce femmes here. I feel like a guy a lot of the time, but I live in the femme. Both elements seem to me to be my nature.

Lately I have decided that for me all lines that separate one thing from another need to be dotted, permeable. Like the walls of a cell, I guess.

Several of you in this thread have helped me understand myself better by sharing your lives and experiences and that means a great deal. So thanks.

[Apocalipstic]

I think if I die and go to hell, it will be a baby shower that never ends.

This is a great thread - thanks for starting it.

I'm a femme whose ID has morphed a lot since I came out 4 and a half years ago. I guess I'm not a baby-femme anymore, but I understand now more than in the past that I am still discovering who I am and what I enjoy and/or will enjoy in the future. I suspect it may be my fate in life to continually be going through some sea change, and that's alright I guess.

I don't think of myself as fierce, but I'm glad there are fierce femmes here. I feel like a guy a lot of the time, but I live in the femme. Both elements seem to me to be my nature.

Lately I have decided that for me all lines that separate one thing from another need to be dotted, permeable. Like the walls of a cell, I guess.

Several of you in this thread have helped me understand myself better by sharing your lives and experiences and that means a great deal. So thanks.


I totally feel like a guy most of the time. Some can see it, some can't.

Those who do see it are most dear to me!

4 and 1/2 years? Man time flies! xoxooxox

[Medusa]

Apoc! Im with you on the whole baby-shower thing.

Jack and I had to attend one about a week ago for my little cousin and both of us were in excrutiating grossness with all the shower games and "ooh-ing" and "aah-ing".
No, I do NOT want to try to draw a baby on a paper plate with my eyes closed but I will oblige for the sake of my beloved cousin.

Im always really amused too at how other (mostly straight) women shriek in horror when I tell them I don't really like kids and never want to have any of my own. Sometimes I feel like I have just told them that my uterus is made of acid and Im not really human by their reactions.

On some level, I think its the whole expectation for some that woman=Mother=nurturer. Have a big fat bitch tell you that she hates kids and the little bubble of "Stepford Pussy" is popped rather easily.

Fantastic thread!

[Apocalipstic]

So it's been a year and much has changed.

Still Femme

Still fierce

Discovering my Momi side. Learning to accept sweetness in my life and that gentle kisses and cuddling do not make me weak.

LOveee "Stepford Pussy"! lmaorof

Still hate baby showers

Sending out a big hello to all my Fierce Femme Sisters and Allies!

[EnderD_503]

Just wondering how different femmes here at BFP participate in creating more visibility for femmes at queer events like Pride, or if you've ever partaken in any kind of femme event of some sort.

Also, do you see an effort to create more visibility for femmes within the queer community where you live? How about at Pride events where you live? Is that something you actively try to create more of, and if so how do you go about it?

[The_Lady_Snow]

When we were younger the Ohio femme population would place "Femme" stickers on our asses, we'd all walk around and clearly as diverse you could see we were a force to reckon with. As older femmes we now gather at one place and wear our femme pride without needing that sticker, once you meet a femme, well we are hard to forget. We attend events the younger crowds now put on and support and still have our phone tree:).

Here in Florida I've yet to find Femme companions, which is kinda sad.

As a Femme ally, what do you Ender do to help keep our visibility out there?

[Sparkle]

Just wondering how different femmes here at BFP participate in creating more visibility for femmes at queer events like Pride, or if you've ever partaken in any kind of femme event of some sort.

Also, do you see an effort to create more visibility for femmes within the queer community where you live? How about at Pride events where you live? Is that something you actively try to create more of, and if so how do you go about it?

Great questions.

The town I live in often has a Femme contingent in the Pride Parade.
I must admit I've not joined it, my lack of participation isn't out of apathy, but because I enjoy watching the whole parade. Also, I live in a town that has a very high % of queer families and is an ultra-liberal bubble. Its easy to take visibility/acceptance for granted here.

But that wasn't always the case. When I was younger Femme visibility was really important to me because I felt invisible to everyone (queer & heterosexual). I spent a lot of time empowering myself and my peers - to be out and loud and fierce.

But now I am older, self-confident and I am blessed to have some fabulous Femme friends who live right here and that I spend time with. So, I've not felt the need to join a specific Femme group.

I'm politically active, but I choose carefully which queer political battles I get involved in and I direct my energy and resources in those directions. Femme visibility, while important, is not a high priority politically *for me*.

All that said, I've seen a rise in the number of Femme visibility and coalition building groups in some of the nearby big cities like New York and Boston in recent years. And I think it is GREAT! especially for young or just coming out Femmes.

[Apocalipstic]

Great posts!

To be honest, I have not gone to Pride the past few years or participated much in Queer events locally and that needs to change! I was in a relationship and my G/F was a home body and we just did not go.

But Ender your post really made me re-think....I do need to get involved in more Femme stuff and making ourselves more visible...htough it does seem with the younger Lesbians, being Femme or Lipstick is WAY more accepted than back in the 80's.

So I guess I need to look up when Pride is this year and go.

[Jess]

Great posts!

To be honest, I have not gone to Pride the past few years or participated much in Queer events locally and that needs to change! I was in a relationship and my G/F was a home body and we just did not go.

But Ender your post really made me re-think....I do need to get involved in more Femme stuff and making ourselves more visible...htough it does seem with the younger Lesbians, being Femme or Lipstick is WAY more accepted than back in the 80's.

So I guess I need to look up when Pride is this year and go.

I think Christie is wanting to come down for Nash Pride. Last time it was on the riverfront and she came close to heat stroke.. ack.. Hoping they move it back to the park, much nicer/ roomy and more places to escape the heat! Hope to see you :)

[AtLast]

I really like the use of "fierce" and femme together! Just do.

[christie]

Great posts!

To be honest, I have not gone to Pride the past few years or participated much in Queer events locally and that needs to change! I was in a relationship and my G/F was a home body and we just did not go.

But Ender your post really made me re-think....I do need to get involved in more Femme stuff and making ourselves more visible...htough it does seem with the younger Lesbians, being Femme or Lipstick is WAY more accepted than back in the 80's.

So I guess I need to look up when Pride is this year and go.

You betch'er glittery fierce femme self needs to go to Pride this year! We will be there, avoiding heat stroke, and honestly, I've not experienced much of being unaccepted - in fact, most of the "kinder queers" (younger crowd) I've known in Nashville actually love that I am comfortable embracing femme.

[LaneyDoll]

I tell everyone I am an enigma. So, if any of these sound stereotypical or offensive, I apologize-this is simply what I have encountered in my time...

I CAN take 3 hours to get ready BUT that is start to finish (shower, shave, shampoo etc etc etc).

However, if you tell me that I have 30 mins to get ready, I can-assuming I am already clean or can go with damp hair.

I am a disaster in the kitchen but can bake fairly well.

I know nothing about tools but can repair my costume jewelery when need be. AND, can make my own floggers (which would be in high demand if I would actually sell them.)

I cannot do anything to maintain my car and prefer to pay someone else to change the oil, detail it etc. I love to drive though and I love to drive fast!

I love to get dirty & sweaty when I work outside.

I do not bemoan a broken nail or a bad hair day.

I love to be waited on but do not expect it.

I will pay the check if you let me. I will always offer to, unless I tell you I am broke and cannot afford to go out and you offer to treat.

I do not maintain a manicure. I keep my nails short and neat but polish free. My toes ALWAYS have a pedicure-even in winter.

Do not dare to suggest I cannot do something I want to do. Just let me succeed or fail on my own.

Please do not ask me to be in a wedding-especially if you want me to be a server. If we are related, I will gladly help though. Do not ask me to host a shower. I will maybe attend, I WILL send a gift but I am not comfy chatting about most things discussed at those events.

Yes, I am approachable but am rarely approached. But, few people actually make the first move. I have had people tell me I am intimidating but I am really not.

[greeneyedgrrl]

I, for example, have way more in common with a 16 year old guy, than I do Betty Crocker!

I am not even sure what a feeling is.

I am very un-romantic.

I fall alsleep after sex.

I strap on.

I like to "run the show", as it were.

I like to be called Daddy

etc....
YES YES YES! :candle:

Femmes are not just one thing, We can be so many things.

We can fix cars, we can use power tools, we are strong, we are proud.

I refuse to be told I can't know about cars, or pump my own gas, or drive because I am Femme. :readfineprint:

I hate the mere suggestion that I have to be submissive about anything... EVER.

I hate the suggestion that a Butch is soft or somehow less Butch if they like Femmes like Me.

I don't need to be saved.
EXACTLY!! ..and tell me i CAN'T do something i want to do..and i'll show u i CAN! what now?? :harley:

[PumaJ]

I totally claim/ID as High Femme. I love glam, bling, makeup, nail polish, jewelry & other "girlie" types of things. Not fond of frills, ruffles & lace much at all though. I can cook & sew, though I hate doing either one. I can & do use power tools, do most of my own landscaping, minor electrical & plumbing work. I've regrouted the tile in my kitchen & bathroom, stripped & re-stained my decks at least three times. I've held management positions for at least 2/3 of my professional life, generally in positions that required that I supervise others.

Intellectually, I'm quite the nerd.

I am a very Queer feminist Femme who is only romantically/ sexually attracted to very masculine of center women who bend gender & like to strap it on.

I am very fierce in my protection of those I love & was given the nickname of
Pumawoman by a Native American Butch/Two Spirit with whom I was lovers
for a few years, because of my fierceness.

To look at me, one might not get it because I am so "girl" in my appearance. But girl doesn't mean weak, or passive, or incompetent. Girl means strong and I am one very tough woman who is also very nurturing, very mothering at times.

I define myself as a Femme, no one else defines that for me. I embrace the fiercely powerful energy of the Feminine. IMO, A person who thinks that that energy means being soft & passive is either sadly misinformed or brainwashed by the patriarchal hierarchy.

It is my long held philosophy that we each get to define what Femme is for ourselves.

[paintedleofemme]

I am so loving this thread! So many butchs that i have dated assume that because I am femme I am submissive woman, oh how wrong they are, and I loved proving it to them, I am a switch, believe me, their are times that I love to take control in the bedroom, and sometimes out of their too. I like to tell people, just because I look femme don't think I cant become a dominant fierce woman in the blink of your eye!

[lettertodaddy]

I learned quickly not to assume that femme = bottom and that butch = top. That's probably why my description says "dorky queer femme bottom", because I know those terms aren't synonymous.

[Starbuck]

I learned quickly not to assume that femme = bottom and that butch = top. That's probably why my description says "dorky queer femme bottom", because I know those terms aren't synonymous.

The same goes here. Femme on the streets, butch in the sheets...when I wanna be :cigar2:

Being submissive can also be a way of being fierce, because I let her have control of me when I want to. It's rather delicious.

I can work on my truck, say change a tire, change the oil and filter, lube the joints, check fluid levels and such and fill as needed, but beyond that I let someone else do it.

I keep my nails short and neat. :cherry:

When I'm out with my gf, if I feel we are threatened, I bow up ready to fight for both of us. Yes I've been in fights. Yes I had to have a CT of my head to see if I had a head injury after a fight, but I never quit. I am a fierce femme! :fastdraq:

What I'm trying to say is, looks can be deceiving and as dynamite comes in small packages, so do fierce femmes!

[BugsAndKisses]

I have decided this is my favorite thread, lol.... HERE are all my sisters, lol!

I am under 5ft tall
I wear skirts
my nails are always painted
I don't leave the house without eyeliner on
and yes...i giggle (and I will punch you if you poke fun)

BUT

I am the gross out QUEEN
I can make anyone jump given enough time to find a weakness
Dirt is my friend and bruises are my jewelry.
I don't care how much you work out, your not gonna out pace me cause my stamina/adrenaline is through the roof
I am not delicate and if you treat me as such your just gonna get a raw deal.


:pirate-steer::pirate-steer:

[Apocalipstic]

Some great new posts!

I went to the B-F reunion last weekend and being in the presence of so many strong women really got me thinking about how important it is that we see and empower and help one another.

I do want to say that I was not trying to imply that submissiveness is not fierce in my earlier posts. It so totally is. It is so totally brave in ways I mostly can't even face thinking about. :)

[little_ms_sunshyne]

You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z.

While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!!

I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on *sigh* That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

[Apocalipstic]

You come off so poised and elegant. You look like you invented Femme. :)

Breaking stereotypes is living the dream!




You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z.

While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!!

I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on *sigh* That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

lol Thank you! We needed to sit down and chat a bit more!
I am one of those terribly clumsy, trip on my own feet, no idea how to flirt, curse like a sailor femmes. YUP! Are there anymore that exist out there? lol

Poised and Elegant! Shoooot! I will take that!

You come off so poised and elegant. You look like you invented Femme. :)

Breaking stereotypes is living the dream!

[Apocalipstic]

Right there with ya on the cursing! Hell yeah!

Man I wish we lived closer!


lol Thank you! We needed to sit down and chat a bit more!
I am one of those terribly clumsy, trip on my own feet, no idea how to flirt, curse like a sailor femmes. YUP! Are there anymore that exist out there? lol

Poised and Elegant! Shoooot! I will take that!

[Kenna]

I have been thinking about starting this tread for weeks, and I keep putting it off for lack of a catchy name.....:)

I in no way am trying to take anything away or diss Traditional Femme and Butch/FtM roles....

However,

I would like to hear from Femmes who ID differently. Alpha Femmes, Femme Daddy's, Femmes who feel like dudes, Femmes who wish they were men, Femme Tops...ALL Femmes who have ever thought "Hey, how come all we discuss is Butch and FtM gender?", "I don't exactly fit the stereotypes people seem to be having about what Femme is?" or even "I do fit every single stereotype, but wants to discuss anyway"...

Femme/Butch does not = Girl/Boy
Femme does not = submissive
Femme does not = bottom

So many expectations of what Femme is supposed to be. What have you faced?

Thoughts on any of this?

Everyone is welcome!!! :)

Ohhhh so happy to rediscover this thread !!
I recently had an experience that I'd like to learn from and move forward in my classic Alpha Femme style ...

[Kenna]

God I hate my new phone !

The experience I mention above stemmed from someone's perceptions of my physical appearance, using this to base their own definition of my Identity and making comments that left me feeling "less femme" in their eyes ...I won't lie, I got pissed...especially since they are a member of the LGBTQ community (however not of this site)... we had a long chat about their perceptions and misguided attempt to TELL me I appear "too butchy" because of my "tomboy tendencies"...

Since I joined the online community in 2006...I have come to embrace that I do not fit into certain peoples' definitions of Femme ... and I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel less than simply because of my appearance or notions that Femmes are not 'supposed to" be mechanically inclined ...etc.
I got fired up because I never expected someone that identifies such as this individual TELLING ME that I'm not Femme ...
I want to learn from this fire I feel and come to understand how to better address the issue if it ever comes up....It took me many years journey to embrace my way of Femme ...

thx
sighed,
Damn Happy to be an incredibly sexy, empowered Alpha Femme

[Kenna]

You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z.

While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!!

I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on *sigh* That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

OMG THIS ROCKS!
YOU'RE AWESOME

[ProfPacker]

I keep on finding threads on this site that make me want to say Yes, a place for me. I am femme but also like to pack, strap on and use butch and femme cock. I can take it and give it. I am soft and I can be edgy. I a cougar with a mnd and sex of a 30 year old.

[GeeGina]

I consider myself "femme, but flexible", which reserves me the right to express myself in the manner that feels authentic to me. I make no rules for others and will have no such rules placed on me.

So, I will:
Make the first move if I want to.
Smoke fat cigars while wearing lipstick.
Shave my head in the summer, then wear a sundress to a bbq.
Wax. Or not.
Appreciate the feel of the packed crotch of my partner's jeans against my capri pants.
Never change my own oil.
Bake like a grandmother.
Buy shoes.
Mani and Pedi.
Burp (though not in public).
Drink big beers at the bar.
Wear your oversized shirt around the house.
Ask you what you need.
Make soup.
Wear boots.
Get muddy, then take a bubble bath.
Actually catch a football.
Rock a cocktail dress and hit a buffet like I'm going to the chair the next morning.

Etc, etc, etc. My point - be who you are and who you want to be, not what society or culture or mores thinks you should be...

[imperfect_cupcake]

that seems totally femme in my books and not any different to the ones I've hung out with in the past 10 years. ;)

[Crow]

My gosh...but you're the perfect girl.

[LexiLove]

I am a newbie but I had to post to this thread. I would consider myself a femme for the most part. I love makeup, lace, heels, lingerie, etc BUT I am not weak. I have no problem getting under a car, getting in the dirt, letting my hair get wet, have makeup smeared on my face. I am a chivalrous person and can be very masculine at times yet demure and "delicate" other times. I am so happy that there are other femmes that are like me. I am sort of newly "out" and reading these threads has made me feel far less alone.

Thank you.

[Gemme]

I am a newbie but I had to post to this thread. I would consider myself a femme for the most part. I love makeup, lace, heels, lingerie, etc BUT I am not weak. I have no problem getting under a car, getting in the dirt, letting my hair get wet, have makeup smeared on my face. I am a chivalrous person and can be very masculine at times yet demure and "delicate" other times. I am so happy that there are other femmes that are like me. I am sort of newly "out" and reading these threads has made me feel far less alone.

Thank you.

:welcome: Lexi!

Don't let anyone tell you that femme equates weak. The strongest, most fierce people in my life are femmes right here on this site. I'm glad you feel comfortable here and look forward to seeing you grow. Welcome to the site and please continue to embrace your femmedom.

[Medusa]

For lack of a better thread, and she may never see this anyway, but I wanted to honor a Femme sister with some love.

Arwen.

The simplest and most powerful thing I can say is that she is a true Sister in every sense of the word. Supportive. Calming presence. Smart as fuck. Sexy. REAL. She's honest in ways that most people only dream of.
In short, I love the woman and I'm honored to know her. <3

[girl_dee]

For lack of a better thread, and she may never see this anyway, but I wanted to honor a Femme sister with some love.

Arwen.

The simplest and most powerful thing I can say is that she is a true Sister in every sense of the word. Supportive. Calming presence. Smart as fuck. Sexy. REAL. She's honest in ways that most people only dream of.
In short, I love the woman and I'm honored to know her. <3

I completely agree!

[introverted1]

I am so loving this thread! So many butchs that i have dated assume that because I am femme I am submissive woman, oh how wrong they are, and I loved proving it to them, I am a switch, believe me, their are times that I love to take control in the bedroom, and sometimes out of their too. I like to tell people, just because I look femme don't think I cant become a dominant fierce woman in the blink of your eye!

This resonates with me...I'm definitely a switch, too!

[girl_dee]

This resonates with me...I'm definitely a switch, too!

me too.

It fluid for me.

[Arwen]

You honor me. And I love you.

For lack of a better thread, and she may never see this anyway, but I wanted to honor a Femme sister with some love.

Arwen.

The simplest and most powerful thing I can say is that she is a true Sister in every sense of the word. Supportive. Calming presence. Smart as fuck. Sexy. REAL. She's honest in ways that most people only dream of.
In short, I love the woman and I'm honored to know her. <3