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Kobi
04-06-2010, 02:33 PM
A 2 hour drive, even with a cat meowing at the top of her lungs, gives me time to think.

Today I was thinking about exes. Specifically, what role, if any, do exes play in peoples lives?

For me, I went thru the "I want to stay friends" phase. It was easy for me, seeing I usually initiated the break up and was emotionally disengaged. It wasnt as easy for the other person.

I found we remained in contact for a while, then gradually less and less, until now when I find myself wondering what ever happened to....

A couple a years ago, I met a woman with an interesting approach to the matter. Her feeling was "exes are exes for a reason". I can now appreciate the profoundness is such a simple statement.

Anyone else have thoughts on the subject?

Apocalipstic
04-06-2010, 02:39 PM
I am friends with most of my exes, they are like family.

Just because we did not work out living together (I know I am difficult) does not make them bad people.

Maybe my choices have not been so bad in the first place that I had to banish my exes from my presence for all time?

I feel truly blessed to have these wonderful allies and friends in my life. :) and I think they would say the same.

:)

I have heard the "Exes are exes for a reason" thing, but usually from bitter grudge holders.

Linus
04-06-2010, 03:02 PM
Well, I've always believed that whatever happened in my life brought me to where I am. Even if the relationship didn't end as either of us wanted, it was good that it happened for without it I wouldn't have learned whatever I might have learned (however small that experience and no matter how good, bad or downright U-G-L-Y).

Passionaria
04-06-2010, 03:06 PM
:violin: Well, all my exes live in Texas.......

And we still love each other (there is only :fishswim:), but know we are not meant to live in the same house. We have known each other for 8 years and were in a relationship 7 of those. We do things together as friends, share family. I think we have become extended family. We let go of the relationship slowly and kindly, I think that is why along with the love that we are being able to transform it into another kind of love. I hope we can manage to keep the beauty alive, everyone needs all the love they can get, living in this world.

:rose: Pashi

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 03:14 PM
exes are a waste of time.Too much trouble.

Kenna
04-06-2010, 03:21 PM
I always say...

The people in your life... past or present... make you who you are.

I've lived through HORRIBLE abuse at the hands of one ex...lived to tell of it and become a Survivor... not his victim.

He made me who I am today... a woman Standing Tall & Strong... not cowering to his fist or choking grip like I did then.

Cowboi
04-06-2010, 03:28 PM
Had 2 X's that lived in Texas. 1 just moved back here. Briefly dated another from Texas. I talk to all of them often, and wish only the best for them. The other I am not sure whatever happened to her. Last I heard she had a heart attack, and that was years ago.

BullDog
04-06-2010, 03:36 PM
I have exes and relationships/potential relationships where I didn't "learn" anything. I just got very hurt, felt very misunderstood and falsely accused of a million things under the sun, and I feel it was a big waste of my time when I was trying to be patient and give of myself and I ended up being very unappreciated.

Other exes and people I have had in my life I remember fondly.

So no I don't go by the adage that every person who enters my life in some way happens for a reason. I just need to be a better judge of character. I guess that's my lesson.

always2late
04-06-2010, 03:39 PM
I think the answer to the question is dependant on WHY the person became an ex.

Apocalipstic
04-06-2010, 03:43 PM
I think the answer to the question is dependant on WHY the person became an ex.


Totally, and HOW the breakup was handled.

Was it a dignified discussion?

Or, did you chop up the person's furniture in the front yard with a power saw and then catch it on fire. (yes, I know someone who did that)

Daywalker
04-06-2010, 04:13 PM
Like an Apple that shines on the outside, we pick up said apple,
examine it, get to know it, then if we decide this is the
one we want...well, we take a bite out of it.
:hanging:
Sometimes it is not until we have reached the stage of wanting to get to
know an Apple, get to the core of who they are...we then realize that
perhaps that Apple was not as shiny on the inside as we
romanced ourselves into thinking.
:|


:deepthoughts:

Forgive the comparison, but I think Apples n Exes can both serve us well in
our futures when it comes right down to it. They serve as reminders of our
past and are shiny examples of our own personal evolutions. We continue
to be drawn, for whatever reason...to the tasting. Until one day we find the
perfection in our own imperfections, and are fortunate to find the very
Apple that we were seeking all along.
:ohm:

Of course, without all the Ex Apples...how were we to know...?
:seesaw:

This does not mean that I have forgotten the rotten.
This does not mean that I haven't been fooled by the poisonous.

:spider:
However

One bad apple does not always spoil the barrel.
:farmtree:

:formalbow:

:daywalker:

Duchess
04-06-2010, 04:33 PM
I only have one ex that makes me want to speed up:girlonatv:(thump, thump), then back up. More thump thump..:blah:..The rest are pretty cool. :)

Duchess

Rockinonahigh
04-06-2010, 04:38 PM
A year after my xhubby walked out on me with two kids for a trophy wife and her $$.He got a notice from the draft bord asking about his status.Since he had built a rather nice log home on a huge peice of land and they were living high on the hog while he was a long way behind in child suport and alimony..$200.00 a month wasnt pocket change to him but he shure wasnt sending his kids shit.Well being the good person I am and after working two jobs to suport my kids...I called the local draft bord to let them know what was going on,they came by to see all the paper work.Then a fue days later I was got a call that they were going to pick him up at the fire station M.P.s and all.Well ya know I just had to be siting in my truck watching all this while they picked his but up and from there off to boot camp at ft.leonardwood wich is in the bid boonies.Poor baby had to growup and finaly be man.This was in the vet nam war..I felt other ppl were doing there part why shouldnt he.

BornBronson
04-06-2010, 04:48 PM
:violin: Well, all my exes live in Texas.......


Yep,and the truly evil ones live in Tennessee.



*snort*

Kobi
04-06-2010, 04:49 PM
I have heard the "Exes are exes for a reason" thing, but usually from bitter grudge holders.


I, for one, wish for people to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences without concern to being judged by others who have differing experiences, thoughts, or opinions.

Personal growth can come from many experiences or just the ability to express oneself freely but with respect for others. Can we agree to practice this on this thread?

Gemme
04-06-2010, 05:02 PM
A 2 hour drive, even with a cat meowing at the top of her lungs, gives me time to think.

Today I was thinking about exes. Specifically, what role, if any, do exes play in peoples lives?

For me, I went thru the "I want to stay friends" phase. It was easy for me, seeing I usually initiated the break up and was emotionally disengaged. It wasnt as easy for the other person.

I found we remained in contact for a while, then gradually less and less, until now when I find myself wondering what ever happened to....

A couple a years ago, I met a woman with an interesting approach to the matter. Her feeling was "exes are exes for a reason". I can now appreciate the profoundness is such a simple statement.

Anyone else have thoughts on the subject?

I do, actually. I've had amicable break ups and those that weren't so civil. Those that I felt did no disservice to me, I tend to keep in my heart and thoughts still. Those that I wouldn't wish on an enemy, the ties are severed and, while the pain from that occasionally pops up, they don't. At least, they'd better not. :batmoose:

I am friends with most of my exes, they are like family.

Just because we did not work out living together (I know I am difficult) does not make them bad people.

Maybe my choices have not been so bad in the first place that I had to banish my exes from my presence for all time?

I feel truly blessed to have these wonderful allies and friends in my life. :) and I think they would say the same.

:)

I have heard the "Exes are exes for a reason" thing, but usually from bitter grudge holders.

I liked most of your post, except the last line. While it's true I am bitter about a lot of things, saying 'exes are exes for a reason' doesn't denote that that is what I'm bitter about. *grin*

My exes are exes for two main reasons. One, they mistreated me and I wasn't having it or I mistreated them and knew it wasn't right. This mistreatment ranges from them cheating on me/me emotionally cheating on them to them beating on me. I may not have been able to put my foot down the very second the mistreatment occured, but you can best your sweet ass it *did* come down. Two, we just went our separate ways. There's no anger or bitterness here, just a sweet sadness. I'm glad for the time I had with them, but for whatever reason, it's over.

Though I haven't any anger for the exes that I just parted ways with, I do think that they are my ex for a reason. Now, that reason varies per person, but it's still there. :)

I always say...

The people in your life... past or present... make you who you are.

I've lived through HORRIBLE abuse at the hands of one ex...lived to tell of it and become a Survivor... not his victim.

He made me who I am today... a woman Standing Tall & Strong... not cowering to his fist or choking grip like I did then.

Honey, you know I love and adore you to pieces, but I'm calling bullshit here. You have ALWAYS been a strong woman. Granted, sometimes it takes difficult situations for us to realize that within ourselves, but you would not have been able to do all that you did and survived what you did if you didn't already have the makings inside of you all along.

Please do NOT give an abuser credit for you being strong.

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 05:32 PM
exes are a waste of time.Too much trouble.

They lie and cheat

Gemme
04-06-2010, 05:34 PM
They lie and cheat

That's pretty generalized. Actually, my most recent ex is a very lovely person who did neither of those things.

T-Rex
04-06-2010, 05:46 PM
Just so you know. This thread is making me want to go sit in a corner and bang my head against the wall. It's only a matter of time before someone here thinks you're talking about THEM.

Please be careful not to bring personal drama in here with exes and people who are online in our community.

apretty
04-06-2010, 06:01 PM
Just so you know. This thread is making me want to go sit in a corner and bang my head against the wall. It's only a matter of time before someone here thinks you're talking about THEM.

Please be careful not to bring personal drama in here with exes and people who are online in our community.

stop talking 'bout me!!

Isadora
04-06-2010, 06:02 PM
I find this appalling and inappropriate. Good luck, June, I was thinking the same thing..

Soft*Silver
04-06-2010, 07:37 PM
I have learned that when I cant be friends with an ex, its because of MY behavior, not theirs. Thats a hard pill to swallow but in my personal experience, this is the Truth that sticks....

bigbutchmistie
04-06-2010, 07:42 PM
I am friends with some of my exes. Two in particular that Im really close too. One of which I will attend their wedding soon, and hang out with, and go to church with. I never thought after we broke up that it would turn out this way. We both admit why it didnt work. Not because of something she did or didnt do or what I did or didnt do. Just sometimes things just dont work. Doeesnt mean we cant be friends. And we are really good friends. I am great friends with her fiancee. Who I think is a wonderful person. I love her friendship to death.

The other one is my first love. We have been through everything as friends and she broke it off cause of her cancer years ago... Our paths have led us to lead separate lives. And thats fine. If we were meant for each other we would have already ended up together.

Whoever I end up with, is going to have to accept my friendship with them. They have always been there and will always be..

Its not sexual or any romantic feelings there for me. Although I willalways care about each of them...

Other exes are just plain crazy and I dont want them in my life. Its not healthy for me.

So I say depends on the situation and the people if exes should be friends... :)

Cowboi
04-06-2010, 08:06 PM
Just so you know. This thread is making me want to go sit in a corner and bang my head against the wall. It's only a matter of time before someone here thinks you're talking about THEM.

Please be careful not to bring personal drama in here with exes and people who are online in our community.

Gives Miss June a crash helmet. Stay safe out there!

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 08:26 PM
That's pretty generalized. Actually, my most recent ex is a very lovely person who did neither of those things.

That was not directed to anyone person..please get your facts straight

Gemme
04-06-2010, 08:31 PM
That was not directed to anyone person..please get your facts straight


My facts are just fine, thank you.

You said "They lie and cheat" which is a very generalized comment about exes, applying those traits to *all* exes. I never said you were directing it towards anyone specific. I provided you with an example of an ex of mine who was not either of those things. Perhaps a space between the lines would have made that more clear, however, I thought it would be nicer than telling you that you sounded bitter. :)

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 08:35 PM
My facts are just fine, thank you.

You said "They lie and cheat" which is a very generalized comment about exes, applying those traits to *all* exes. I never said you were directing it towards anyone specific. I provided you with an example of an ex of mine who was not either of those things. Perhaps a space between the lines would have made that more clear, however, I thought it would be nicer than telling you that you sounded bitter. :)

Did it cross your mind that I was talking about someone in my life yers ago. Oh of course not.

Gemme
04-06-2010, 08:38 PM
Did it cross your mind that I was talking about someone in my life yers ago. Oh of course not.

Obviously, you are primed for a fight.

Have a lovely evening.

*disengaging*

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 08:48 PM
Obviously, you are primed for a fight.

Have a lovely evening.

*disengaging*

No maam I was talking about an ex of 16 yrs seems you want to make a mountain out of a mole hill

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 08:49 PM
Obviously, you are primed for a fight.

Have a lovely evening.

*disengaging*



No maam I was talking about an ex of 16 yrs seems you want to make a mountain out of a mole hill
__________________

Corkey
04-06-2010, 08:51 PM
This is why I hate treads like this. Don't talk about your ex, talk about your shortcomings. Your ex isn't here to defend themselves, and if they were it's a whole lot of drama for no good reason.

you meaning general

Forgetmenotfemme
04-06-2010, 08:52 PM
Just so you know. This thread is making me want to go sit in a corner and bang my head against the wall. It's only a matter of time before someone here thinks you're talking about THEM.

Please be careful not to bring personal drama in here with exes and people who are online in our community.

June I was talking of an ex of 16 yrs thats all..

Waldo
04-06-2010, 09:14 PM
exes are a waste of time.Too much trouble.


They lie and cheat

That was not directed to anyone person..please get your facts straight

June I was talking of an ex of 16 yrs thats all..

FMNF - I think you may be missing the point.

You said something very generalized - implying that all exes were liars and cheats.. Someone called you on that fact. You then say it's not directly at anyone in particular and then follow that up with saying it IS IN FACT about someone in particular.

So. Sucks that someONE lied to you and cheated on YOU.

BUT that doesn't mean all exes are liars and cheaters or wastes of time.

However, saying things like this in a thread of this nature? Just really not the best idea.

Generalizations kind of suck. Might I suggest:

"Years ago I had someone lie to me and cheat on me. Ever since then I don't waste my time on exes". It gets across your point and avoids generalizing all exes.

Kobi
04-06-2010, 09:14 PM
I try and start threads with some substance and commonality that we all experience as people. Sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesnt.

Thank you to those who understood what the thread was about.

My apologies to those who are still obviously healing from some bad experiences.

June please close this thread.

Admin
04-06-2010, 09:16 PM
I try and start threads with some substance and commonality that we all experience as people. Sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesnt.

Thank you to those who understood what the thread was about.

My apologies to those who are still obviously healing from some bad experiences.

June please close this thread.


We'll close it, Kobi. Thanks for trying :)