What do YOU need to feel loved?

[adorable]

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved?

Is it a way that someone talks to you? That they pay attention to how you feel and are in tune with your emotions? Do they make you feel interesting and special? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

Or is it in gestures? Flowers, breakfast in bed? Notes on the pillow?

Is it routine? Coming home every Friday and knowing that Friday is always pizza night? Making the bed together every morning? Sunday is cleaning day?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

[bigbutchmistie]

For me show me. Actions speak louder than words although I wanna hear it too.. If your actions arent matching your words I wont "feel" anything. :)

[daisygrrl]

A very nifty thread—kudos, adorable! Articulating one’s needs is really important—how can someone know that you need something if you don’t tell them?

Just a few from me (because, yes, I do have a list):
*laughter—lots of shared laughter
*surprise texts, voice mails, etc. throughout the day
*supportive of anything that makes me happy (like my career), even if it is dull to the other person—or translates to less “personal time” every-so-often
*not grumbling when I disagree or taking automatic offense (how else can a mature conversation be had when someone fears that s/he is going to be automatically besieged?!)

I'm a lucky grrl,
daisy

[bigbutchmistie]

Ok I will write in detail :)

Romance

Lots and lots of affection

Sweet emails, texts

Laughter

Being supportive

Being loyal

Being patient with me

Being understanding

Be sensitive to my needs and others needs

[Random]

For me to FEEL loved and secure...

Show me you love me by being mindful of me... By listening when I say something is important to me... by being consistancy in your actions...

For me to FEEL loved.. I need to trust that I can count on you... If I don't then I start building walls, taking back my trust, my belief in you... I won't rely on you, won't expect anything... and for me.. that's the beginning of the end...

For me... Romance is wonderful, but it's not what makes me KNOW that I am loved...

[Rufusboi]

Trust is the biggest thing I need. I don't need lots of reassurance or much affection or any romance. If we trust each other then I know she loves me. I need someone I can trust and someone who is emotionally independent and her own woman. That makes me feel loved. Rufus.

[Apocalipstic]

Trust and respect.

I am not very romantic.

[PearlsNLace]

Affirmations really help. Praise/acknowledgement. Attention. I dont think I need bucket loads, but yes, daily attention I do find essential. Im like a plant, I need lots of light and water. :rainsing:

[Random]

Affirmations really help. Praise/acknowledgement. Attention. I dont think I need bucket loads, but yes, daily attention I do find essential. Im like a plant, I need lots of light and water. :rainsing:

Wow.. this is interesting...

I hadn't thought of people as plants... but we are like them arn't we?

You just have to have the right gardener...

[BullDog]

Respect and a true commitment to work through the tough as well as easy times.

[SuperFemme]

Love of self. Without that I tend to be numb to any other kind of love.

[Gemme]

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved?

Is it a way that someone talks to you? That they pay attention to how you feel and are in tune with your emotions? Do they make you feel interesting and special? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

Or is it in gestures? Flowers, breakfast in bed? Notes on the pillow?

Is it routine? Coming home every Friday and knowing that Friday is always pizza night? Making the bed together every morning? Sunday is cleaning day?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

This is a great conversation topic for a thread!

For those that have partnered with me....the bad, the good, the indifferent...I do have to give them props because life with me is not easy. The things that I require to feel secure change as the tides of change come and go. Most of the time, I can articulate what I need, but there have been times where I was at a loss as to what I needed and that, of course, left them floundering too.

Most of the time, I need affection and attention but not so much that I feel stifled and/or smothered. I need an open ear and a spare shoulder for when I have a bad day or situation in my life. I need you to 'fix' my problems only when/if I ask you to.

I have my romantic days but I'm not a big flower-receiver. I prefer them living and in the ground. It has always seemed a bit off to me to give someone a gift that is dying a little bit every time you touch it.

I do like dinners out and seeing shows but I think those things are more maintenance than what makes me feel special and loved and secure. It's the behind the scenes action that accomplishes that.

Someone mentioned gardens and plants. Every plant requires a different amount of light (attention), a different kind of food (nurturing), a different kind of soil and a different area to plant in. I don't do well in frigid and dreary weather. Over time, I shrivel up and inward and I don't let people in. That can make a relationship very difficult. So, for me, this is a very relevant analogy.

[Ms. Meander]

Hugs are helpful :gimmehug:

[Softhearted]

To feel loved and secure I simply need someone who believes in me and who can give me moral support in what I'm doing career-wise.... (yup, I once had a girlfriend who basically denigrated almost everything I did or choose to do).

I need someone who can hold me and show me empathy if things doesn't work out the way I planned... (Don't want to hear the proverbial "I told you so" or "What were you thinking?").

Also, in my own opinion, mutual trust and mutual respect are 2 fundamental keys to a good relationship.

Oh, and some flowers once in a while :D ! ( I love to give them too! )

[MrSunshine]

the ability to communicate like an adult.

honesty, integrity, open to other ideas besides their own.

And for shit sakes don't try to run the fuck!

[WolfyOne]

Trust is the biggest thing I need. I don't need lots of reassurance or much affection or any romance. If we trust each other then I know she loves me. I need someone I can trust and someone who is emotionally independent and her own woman. That makes me feel loved. Rufus.


This is exactly what I need and how I feel.

Trust has to come before anything else because where there is no trust there cannot be any love.

[socialjustice_fsu]

Love of self. Without that I tend to be numb to any other kind of love.


I so agree with this statement. It is the foundation for all good things to come. In some ways I believe this is where we fail in relationships simply because we don't understand the importance and vital role of loving ourselves. I believe it essential to have this in order to be open for another human being to enter our lives/hearts. I believe, for me, I must have a sense of peace - in me - around me. A turbulent soul finds that love alludes them, true?

I must have passion. Not just about each other but simply about living. Passion segues to many other emotions I feel we were all meant to partake. Become passionate and watch passion grow in another. It unfolds beautifully given the chance.

To be feel loved I need to share deep conversations with another. It connects our heads, hearts, souls. Talk with me not to me. Teach me. I will teach you.

To be loved I need one to understand the pain that comes with living and dying. How can you understand my grief when you come to the table of life with no experiences? I believe one has to know deep pain to know deep joy. This is part of the process.

To be loved I want respect. I believe it must be earned. It is how I treat my lover and how I want to be treated in return. Simple, yet it requires work and attention.

What else I need to feel loved...one that understands the breadth and width of odd family dynamics. To understand the connections and the distances. There are bona fide reasons for both.

Lastly, to feel loved I know I need to be validated as a woman, a human being, and a participant in life. Let me know, from time to time, my worth to you. Not so much appreciation, per se, but let me know I mean something to you and my life has meaning. I strive to live a life of significance and I need a witness. I hope to continue to lead a life of service to others (hospice) and my sense of worth comes to me in a myriad of ways - but hearing one say so - well, it simply soothes me and I feel loved.

[Kobi]

For me, whether it is a friendship or relationship, the most important thing is taking the time to get to know someone and developing a solid foundation based on trust, honesty, and mutual respect.

To get to know someone, who they are, what they want in life, their beliefs, goals, dreams, the experiences that made them who they are, their heritage etc is a most invigorating, fascinating and satisfying thing to do.

For me, taking the time to get to know me is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Allowing me to get to know you is an honor. To be known and understood ….there is nothing that compares to it.

Words and actions which reflect this understanding are important to me. I don’t need to be wined, dined, and showered with gifts. An impromptu picnic somewhere in nature means a lot to me. A card that reminds you of me, a seashell, a flower…that is what reflects your understanding of me and makes me feel special.

It is also very important to me that the other person be secure enough in themselves to not be threatened by my need to be my own person with my own interests, pals, activities, and alone time. I am not a “2 will become 1” kind of person, nor do I want to carry someone around in my pocket 24/7.

The ability to be comfortable with separateness and the advantages it provides to both the one and the couple is paramount for me to feel safe and loved.

[Andrew, Jr.]

For me to feel love it has to be genuine. It's a bond. A connection. This leads to true happiness. It is more than phone calls, text messages, hugs, dog walks, or a meal. It is everything. And it doesn't have to be limited to romantic only. I am thinking of all the relationships I have. I am truely blessed with them.

[MsDemeanor]

Puppy kisses.

(In my book, all dogs are puppies. Once a puppy, always a puppy.)

[Ldyluck88]

I feel in order to be loved one has to love oneself. The more I love myself, the more I can love someone else. Expectations? Well, I think the more I love being in the company of someone who can be themselves, by sharing laughter, conversation, heartaches, etc., the more I feel I have found my "best friend" and this is a feeling no one can express in mere words. In essence, they show their love, and in return, I show them love back. :)

[MrSunshine]

Oh. I was waiting for an opportunity to post another one of June's unpopular (and personal) opinions.

Rule #1 - Femmes Always Run The Fuck. Even when they're taking it from behind.


Judging from comments received I would have to say it's not such an unpopular opinion. But we would like to believe we are in charge of something other than holding your purses while you try on a new pair of shoes.

[Apocalipstic]

Judging from comments received I would have to say it's not such an unpopular opinion. But we would like to believe we are in charge of something other than holding your purses while you try on a new pair of shoes.

I let my G/F work on the pumbing sometimes too...you know, on those rare occasions when holding my purse is not enough.

:thumbsup:

[MrSunshine]

I let my G/F work on the pumbing sometimes too...you know, on those rare occasions when holding my purse is not enough.

:thumbsup:


Well, I do feel the love when the purse matches my boots.

[Queerasfck]

Oh. I was waiting for an opportunity to post another one of June's unpopular (and personal) opinions.

Rule #1 - Femmes Always Run The Fuck. Even when they're taking it from behind.

O June, June, June. I'll be first in line to buy your book of rules! I love a good laugh.

[WickedFemme]

Effort; when I communicate my needs, make an effort by listening and then making the appropriate changes. If there is anything I need to do differently, let me know and I'll make the changes. Effort means a lot to me.... I don't expect perfection but some effort and mutual give and take is lets me know that i'm loved, which I am feeling presently... I am feeling the 'love'

[SuperFemme]

Judging from comments received I would have to say it's not such an unpopular opinion. But we would like to believe we are in charge of something other than holding your purses while you try on a new pair of shoes.

Fucking running shoes, right?

[Queerasfck]

Here, honey, hold my football while I do the Touchdown Dance.

:clap:

Why'd you have to take it there June? Now I need a cold shower.

[MrSunshine]

Fucking running shoes, right?


Usually clogs, I like the wood.

[chefhottie25]

kind gestures..kisses..emotional intimacy

[weatherboi]

Strong trust bond...
I would rather someone talk to me about a fear or insecurity before making up stuff in their head about it. I know I am gonna try like hell to do the same.

Checking in with each other regularly...
I am gonna approach the person I am with and ask if everything is ok with the relationship. I am gonna ask if there is something I can do to make things easier/smoother. I am gonna ask if I am igniting the fire on the regular or if I need to step it up. My expectation is my partner do the same. I have had some great all night long conversations from this approach.

Support the girl and the growth...
I am a proud sponsor of the "you go on and grow girl" club . No membership fee required to join. Life is short and we all gotta get our piece of the pie in every compartment of our lives. I need this to be reciprocated.

Common interests and support of things that are not so commonly interesting to one party or the other. Enthusiasm

Passion and input please and I am not talking about sex. I am referring to opinions about the life we are living and having them.

Sex is important to me in a relationship in order to feel loved. I am a lover of fucking and having painful raw dirty random renedevouz's so I am gonna be cruising my mate constantly inside the home and outside the home. I like to feel this reciprocated.

:asswhip: this makes me feel loved and secure
:spank: this also makes me feel loved and secure


willingness to negotiate is a good quality :)

i may or may not be back to post more...

[Beau]

Apparently, all I ever needed was a sweet, brilliant, pixie Cubana with an amazing mind, incredible passion, raucous humor, and divine soul.

Life with my Queen makes me feel intensely loved.

:stillheart:

[NJFemmie]

Apparently, all I ever needed was a sweet, brilliant, pixie Cubana with an amazing mind, incredible passion, raucous humor, and divine soul.

Life with my Queen makes me feel intensely loved.

:stillheart:


Ditto, 'cept mine is Polish and comes complete with torture equipment.
*sigh* Life is GRAND!

:stillheart::stillheart::stillheart::stillheart::s tillheart:

[Random]

Judging from comments received I would have to say it's not such an unpopular opinion. But we would like to believe we are in charge of something other than holding your purses while you try on a new pair of shoes.

I let her carry everything (even though I am the stronger) and I try to remember to let her move the heavy furniture... Isn't that enought.. sheese..


Hehe

[Lillie]

Oh. I was waiting for an opportunity to post another one of June's unpopular (and personal) opinions.

Rule #1 - Femmes Always Run The Fuck. Even when they're taking it from behind.

I LOL each and every time I see this posted..something so simple as "run the fuck" gets me each time ..ahahaha..

ok anyyyyyyyway lol..

I have no one way to feel love..I think each person loves differently..and each person recieves love differently..I remember the first time my first (ex) told me she loved me..she kept staring at me over dinner..and of course I asked what? and she said I need to show you..so she took my hand and traced the words I love you on it..it was a moment I know I will never forget..because without words she showed me..it was what our relationship was all about..showing!..it was in the "doing' of something not the "saying" of it..

Now fast forward 20+ years and its in all ways..I love to be romanced..I love to have notes left in places like my lunch box or car door..just saying..hello beautiful..it takes my breath for that moment..that is very powerful for me..I love to hear it as well..but..to me loving a partner must encompass what the word Partner truely means to you..it means everything to me..we share everything..im your rock you are mine..I do not feel the need to be reassured 24/7 of your love for me..but when we are together It will be known, felt..in a touch a certain look..the tone of voice in the conversation we are having. Im a queen and treat hym like a king..and I reap the rewards from that..it is unspoken yet it is the loudest I have ever heard it!..

Lillie

[Lillie]

Usually clogs, I like the wood.

:elefant:I like the "wood" too!" lol sorry had to:elefant:

Lillie

[bigbutchmistie]

For me to FEEL loved and secure...

Show me you love me by being mindful of me... By listening when I say something is important to me... by being consistancy in your actions...

For me to FEEL loved.. I need to trust that I can count on you... If I don't then I start building walls, taking back my trust, my belief in you... I won't rely on you, won't expect anything... and for me.. that's the beginning of the end...

For me... Romance is wonderful, but it's not what makes me KNOW that I am loved...

And Im the same exact way :) except I enjoy Romance

[Mister Bent]

Oh. I was waiting for an opportunity to post another one of June's unpopular (and personal) opinions.

Rule #1 - Femmes Always Run The Fuck. Even when they're taking it from behind.

It scares me when I agree with you.

This may or may not be one of those times.

[Lynn]

I was thinking about this tonight, as I drove into the driveway after dinner out with some old work friends. After five years together, I still feel so loved and so loving. The two go hand in hand. I'm so appreciative of the "little things" she does and gives me every day which all amount to support, validation, and kindness. Contrasted with my past marriage, which seemed to be all about changing me, "helping me" overcome my weaknesses, and expecting me to meet his needs as a prerequisite to meeting my own. I felt like shit all the time. I've never been younger, sexier, prettier, smarter, more important, and more worthy of respect and adoration. Imagine that. So, to feel loved I need to be truly...loved. For me, that means support, validation, and kindness. It's so easy for me to return in kind when I feel so good.

[Hack]

I had a terribly cynical post composed in my head, but I think I will go with this instead....

Acceptance.

There are just certain things I need accepted from the get-go and I feel loved and things go smoothly. They are, in no order of importance...

- Accept the fact that I am a nice guy. I am not going to treat you poorly. It's just not in me. If you are the kind of girl who is attracted to jerks, do us both a favor and move along.

- Accept that between early April and late October my attention is deeply divided between baseball and everything else in the universe.

- Accept that I am not that much a "do it yourself" guy anymore. I'm more a "hire someone and give me the bill" kind of guy. This comes with age.

- Accept that I have old-fashioned manners and they are automatic.

- Accept that I have worked hard to communicate with women in an open, honest and direct fashion. If you can't take the heat, don't step foot in my furnace room, doll.

- Accept that I work a lot. I mean, a lot. And if it's an election year, a nice vacation awaits for you the day after the first Tuesday in November. My treat.

- Accept that I like to give gifts, buy flowers and don't like any fuss whatsoever on my birthday.

- Accept that I sometimes like to wear my green sweatshirt with more holes than a sponge when I am lounging on the couch reading a sports magazine.

- Accept that I like time alone and I'm perfectly fine when you go out with the girls.

- Accept the fact that stress makes me horny and I have a very stressful job lately.

- Accept the fact, too, that if I come home from work and find you in one of my dress shirts and nothing else, it is game on.

I'm sure there's more...but I'm finding it to easy to drift to cynical lately. We all deserve love. And if everyone clearly stated their needs from the start, I think there'd be a whole hell of a lot less heartbreak.

Jake

[Nat]

I feel loved when

I can be exactly as I am

and that's not a problem.

[blush]

but
Goof.

That's all I need to feel loved.

[Cyclopea]

Wow, what a good question and I'm not sure I can answer it. I have been deeply, profoundly loved. But how did I "know" it?
Because I have had other people say they love me and I did not feel anything. It was just like something people say.
When I felt loved, I had the sense of being cherished. Infinitely adored.

Ask yourself this question: Is it more important to love, or be loved?

It is more important to me to love.
No judgement on those who answer otherwise.
But to me "to love" means the person is honest, ethical, beautiful, magickal, a warrior, true, endlessly fascinating, fantastic, deep, hilarious, brilliant, good-hearted, brave, ephemeral, smells good, worthy of respect, amazing, silly, adorable. Etc. They can have crappy qualities too but those are the good ones..
When you love someone that amazing they make you "feel loved" in thousands of wonderful ways that can't be listed. At least not by me!
Those that have loved me have gifted me in ways that can't be quantified and I am grateful. I am one lucky fucker.

[apretty]

I feel loved when

I can be exactly as I am

and that's not a problem.

yes, this.

[adorable]

Whew great answers so far! Thanks everyone. Great posts.

I know that for me I really suck at verbalizing what it is that I need. I like people to guess, which of course is a complete set up. One of the things that this thread has proven to me (again) is that we are all very different when it comes to love.

To ask or explain what we need makes me feel weak and puts me in a vulnerable position of needing anything. The alternative is to let them fumble along while I build resentment. I know this is nuts, hence the thread. lol. I like to say all kinds of things that I don't need - that when I'm saying it - I believe. Which depends, I've discovered, on my proximity to a relationship .

Things that I think in theory, like I don't like romance, start to matter more when it's suddenly not there....and then I'm like "HEY! Where's my romance?" lol. Maybe I'm less romantic and more greedy? Perhaps.

When you come from a dysfunctional place where what you needed never mattered - I think that it is very, very hard to (as an adult) believe that anyone could or even want to meet the needs that you have. Also, I've found that some needs are in direct conflict with other needs. To add confusion to an already confused situation. For instance, I need attention but call me all day and I'll get pissed.

[Oneida]

To feel loved, I need to believe in you...know your authentic self...and be a priority. I need to have known your forgiveness and witnessed how you love others, like your Mom or sister or best friend. To feel love, to me, is to feel safe. Safe from lies, distrust, abuse, misuse, indifference, etc... The most perfect example, for me, is the love I share with my parents.

[Apocalipstic]

It is really amazing how differently we perceive feeling loved.

This is a very interesting thread!

It explains why several relationships I have had have not worked....it had nothing to do with either of us being bad people, we just had different styles of feeling loved. :)

I must say for me, past trust and respect, it really helps to have some things in common. I really would far rather discuss WWII or the Reformation than cleats. I will be in a way better mood if I don't have to attend endless depressing writer's nights or softball practices. Nothing against those things, I just don't care about them at all.

Cynthia (My G/F) would way rather discuss Erasmus than watch football....I am truly blessed! :awww:

Yes we do have some different interests, but don't have to spend every second together to feel loved. For example I love Glee and C loves Cage Fighting....thanks to the DVR, not a problem.

[julieisafemme]

Really excellent thread. For me to feel loved I need to feel partnered. It is hard to explain. I have it now. I did not in the past. I felt alone. Now I feel partnered! Hand holding, decision making, emotional support. We like to do the same things. It's nice.

[AtLast]

Short answer- the ability (and commitment) to build a history with someone. Mutual high regard & respect has to be part of the equation.

[sharkchomp]

How do I feel loved? Wow, great question and not one I've thought on much. So as I've sat and pondered on it, the best I can come up with is this...

They say love is a Verb - an action. True. But I think there has to be sincerity behind the action for it to mean anything. A person could do a thousand things for me but if they're grumbling about it... well it doesn't feel all that loving.

I agree with Hack, being accepted for me, in all that I am and all my shortcomings, that makes me feel loved also.

I'll add more to this when I have more time....

~~~shark~~~~~~~~

[bigbutchmistie]

After a long hard day at work I wanna come home lay on the couch put my head in "her" lap and we just talk about our day...

And a whole lot of other things that will come to my mind... Other than what Ive already posted Im sure

[moxie]

Like what a lot of people have said, accept me as I am. That includes all of my flaws. Some are adorable, some are not.

An obstacle that I have had in many relationships I have been in is the fact that I am an independent person. I have pretty much been taking care of myself since I was 13 and I am 37 now. I have been told that it is difficult to love me because I don't need to be taken care of because of my strong sense of self-reliance. But I also like to take care of others. Kind of a double standard I guess.

But the thing is, I do need to be taken care of. Just in different ways. I need someone to listen to me when I need to talk about my feelings, which isn't often. I need someone that pays attention to what I say and actually listen. Simply asking me how a meeting went that I had that day. Know that I hate Pepsi. Know that I don't shop without coupons.

That is how I feel loved.

[Mister Bent]

Other than a mirror? Self love is where it starts.

A little big red dog and mini me.

[AtLast]

Like what a lot of people have said, accept me as I am. That includes all of my flaws. Some are adorable, some are not.

An obstacle that I have had in many relationships I have been in is the fact that I am an independent person. I have pretty much been taking care of myself since I was 13 and I am 37 now. I have been told that it is difficult to love me because I don't need to be taken care of because of my strong sense of self-reliance. But I also like to take care of others. Kind of a double standard I guess.

But the thing is, I do need to be taken care of. Just in different ways. I need someone to listen to me when I need to talk about my feelings, which isn't often. I need someone that pays attention to what I say and actually listen. Simply asking me how a meeting went that I had that day. Know that I hate Pepsi. Know that I don't shop without coupons.

That is how I feel loved.


Really being heard and valued for exactly who we are (yup, flaws and all) makes all the difference! And paying attention to those little things (I prefer Coke), are not all that little, really. When someone pays attention to these small things, I feel loved, too and truly cared about.... my idiosyncrasies have been noticed and are appreciated! Its fun to take notice of these kinds of things as a couple and give them to each other. I remember this!!!

Self-reliance and an independent nature does seem to be misinterpreted quite often when for me, it doesn't have a thing to do with the ability to inter-depend as well as be intra-dependent in healthy ways.

[bigbutchmistie]

I agree its the little things... :) And feeling valued and cherished for WHO I am not what someone wants me to be..

[adorable]

Being heard, listened to and understood are very important to me too. Of course, I have to actually say something - which at work, on the street, in a room full of people I don't know - isn't a problem at all. In a relationship though, I don't know why, I think it's to avoid conflict or rejection, I tend not to say what I feel or what I need from the other person. But it's only when it comes to my needs. To win a stupid argument, I'll draw blood if I have to in order to win. I also don't want to hurt the other person's feelings or make them feel bad.

Of course, what ultimately happens is I get fed up and walk. Which has yet to make anyone feel good....

[apretty]

sap-moment*

when ez and i were first dating we'd gone to the dog park with all 4 of the dogs, his 3 mild-mannered and older, fairly well-behaved pack and my holy terror, insane, bark at your face till you play with me, pick fights with bigger dogs, jump up in the air 5 feet, eat-your-shoes, terrible, bad mannered baby boy, Chester (the frenchie that thinks he's pit and 12 feet tall)...

we had to be out of his house for 2 hours because his real estate agent was showing it most saturdays (he was selling) and had to take the dogs--we even went in separate cars to the dog park because the dogs didn't know each other well, yet...

so, we had a LOOONG walk and the park was filling up with all sorts of dogs (saturday morning) and we're about to leave and this crazy lady enters the small-dog area with her very fearful and barking tiny dogs, and chester takes off running towards them which would have been fine if their owner didn't start screaming and then the dogs start screaming and chester tries to attack and the lady won't unleash the dogs so (so they can actually greet each other) so they're getting all tied around her legs and she's screaming 'who's dog is this!!!!! this dog is attacking my dogs!!!!' and we were already running after him, about to leave anyway but she was cornered and cowering and screaming while chester was trying to sniff her dogs and bark back at them. the entire time she wouldn't shut the fuck up and i was thinking that ez probably hates my dog and is embarrassed to be out with a dog who has such FEW manners and instead he gathers all the dogs leashes and we're now actively leaving the enclosure, nearing the gate and she still is staring at us moaning and paralyzed in exaggerated fear and her dogs are still barking and wrapped around her lunging at chester and ez turns to the woman and yells at her, 'what are you looking at!?'

my heart melted a little cuz i knew ez would step up--he wasn't one of those guys that could talk big and no follow through (in fact, ez isn't much of a talker at all), and it really touched me how my dog is nearly the worst dog on earth (loves all people but can be dog phobic) and he still chose to stick up for him.

so, this is my tiny dog park story <3

(also, there's this time that ez sang chester to sleep in his lap, singing the baby beluga song -a favorite of mine- but i doubt that he wants me to tell how it was so sweet that i started crying.)

mK1sF6kv0l8

[Mister Bent]

sap-moment*

my heart melted a little cuz i knew ez would step up--he wasn't one of those guys that could talk big and no follow through (in fact, ez isn't much of a talker at all), and it really touched me how my dog is nearly the worst dog on earth (loves all people but can be dog phobic) and he still chose to stick up for him.



Ezee does step up.

This post mushed me all over.

[Blaze]

What do You need to feel loved?

Truly. You shouldn't need anything out of the ordinary to feel loved.
Like many said, if you can look into the mirror and love yourself, that is the start to the greatest love. If your don't feel good about yourself, then it is impossible to love others. You will pretend and eventually it will show/
If one truly needs to the ACT of feeling loved by stimulation of another, than that what it is, just an ACT.
You can Want... But do you truly Need?
You can Give... But do you Truly Mean?
I guess my answer is I love waking up every morning.
I love my first cup of coffee.
I love showering and getting ready for work.
I love working and my friend/co-workers.
I love my drive home from work.
I love walking into the door and being greeted by all my four legged family.
I love Being hugged and kissed by my girl when I come home.
I love my quiet time, I love my family time. I love all that Life has to Offer.
That about sums it up for what it takes to make me feel loved....
And this is just my opinion of what I think...

[TROOPER]

What Do You NEED to Feel Loved?

TRUST, COMMUNICATION, and RESPECT.

I think this is a good start!
If a person does not CARE enough about you and/or the relationship to GIVE you this...

Why bother?


:cool:

[Blaze]

I was thinking about this again...
Personally, I don't need validation to feel love.
Now don't get me wrong. Being validated is a very nice thing. But it's not something I depend on hearing or receiving.
I am happy with myself. I am content and very happy with my girl. We do little things for each other, we do big things for each other. It's a balance.
It's not a 50/50 expectation. Some days we give 20/80 or visa~versa. At the end of the day, it's just simple love.
When you have been together as long as we have. I would say validation is the sparkle in the eye when we wake up together, or the excitement of a little get away....

[bigbutchmistie]

Knowing that when all hell breaks lose in my life I can count on "her' to stand by me through it all. Without any reservations. I wanna know that they are there...

[AtLast]

[QUOTE=apretty;91031]sap-moment*

when ez and i were first dating we'd gone to the dog park with all 4 of the dogs, his 3 mild-mannered and older, fairly well-behaved pack and my holy terror, insane, bark at your face till you play with me, pick fights with bigger dogs, jump up in the air 5 feet, eat-your-shoes, terrible, bad mannered baby boy, Chester (the frenchie that thinks he's pit and 12 feet tall)...

we had to be out of his house for 2 hours because his real estate agent was showing it most saturdays (he was selling) and had to take the dogs--we even went in separate cars to the dog park because the dogs didn't know each other well, yet...

so, we had a LOOONG walk and the park was filling up with all sorts of dogs (saturday morning) and we're about to leave and this crazy lady enters the small-dog area with her very fearful and barking tiny dogs, and chester takes off running towards them which would have been fine if their owner didn't start screaming and then the dogs start screaming and chester tries to attack and the lady won't unleash the dogs so (so they can actually greet each other) so they're getting all tied around her legs and she's screaming 'who's dog is this!!!!! this dog is attacking my dogs!!!!' and we were already running after him, about to leave anyway but she was cornered and cowering and screaming while chester was trying to sniff her dogs and bark back at them. the entire time she wouldn't shut the fuck up and i was thinking that ez probably hates my dog and is embarrassed to be out with a dog who has such FEW manners and instead he gathers all the dogs leashes and we're now actively leaving the enclosure, nearing the gate and she still is staring at us moaning and paralyzed in exaggerated fear and her dogs are still barking and wrapped around her lunging at chester and ez turns to the woman and yells at her, 'what are you looking at!?'

my heart melted a little cuz i knew ez would step up--he wasn't one of those guys that could talk big and no follow through (in fact, ez isn't much of a talker at all), and it really touched me how my dog is nearly the worst dog on earth (loves all people but can be dog phobic) and he still chose to stick up for him.

so, this is my tiny dog park story <3

(also, there's this time that ez sang chester to sleep in his lap, singing the baby beluga song -a favorite of mine- but i doubt that he wants me to tell how it was so sweet that i started crying.)

QUOTE]

Viva la Chester!! KUDOS to EZ!!! Yanno though, Chester actually got things going for you two... smart dog! Get right out there and test Mom's choices!!! Have to laugh because I have a little Chester myself.... could be brothers Aye!!! Fact is, how someone relates/interacts with my pooch makes a big difference in how things might develop!

Great story! Good peeps, good dog...

[JakeTulane]

Communication.

Communication.

Communication.

[Strappie]

A
Girlfriend...

[Guy]

a good porn

[redrose]

what do i need to feel loved?

a lot ...

~ respect me all the time whatever the situation (whether i am wrong or right, whether i've been bad or good)
~ you're focus should be on me
~ you must give me your 100% attention
~ you must have patience
~ you must have perseverance
~ you must win me over and over and over
~ you must be over protective of me
~ you must be intelligent so i can learn from you
~ you must do anything in your power to keep me
~ you must be my kind of butch,,, intense and using her imagination,,,
(i don't go for cocks in any form whether the real ones or the plastic ones, i don't go for dildo, or any other toys)
~ i just want my BUTCH

it is really hard to love someone like me, i am the freakin' jealous type, i am lazy, i don't know how to cook, i say whatever i want and i don't care if you would be hurt or not,,,
and because my family and friends know that it is really hard to love someone like me, i am very sure that they will love you back for loving me...

my butch really loved me and i love the way she loved me,,,
and i know she feel that i love her more because i can still hear her last words,,
"THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME" (f)

[Butterbean]

It is difficul to define, but I definately recognize/feel it when I am.

:thumbsup:

[bigbutchmistie]

Knowing that when all hell breaks lose in my life I can count on "her' to stand by me through it all. Without any reservations. I wanna know that they are there...

For the record cause Ive had some questions lol there isnt anyone special in my life or anyone Im referring to other than the fact that IF I had a partner I would feel loved when... then I comment :) That is all folks :) thanks for the well wishes though :)

[MsTinkerbelly]

To feel loved....

Not flowers, and sonnets....not money and things....not even promises of forever. Just the dead certain knowing that with her hand in mine, we can move mountains, and the certainty that we can face the future and anything in it, if we just keep holding on to each other.
.:heartbeat:

[Soft*Silver]

I just need someone to be present with me. Present. Capital P. They need to be aware of me and my life, as though I matter. I dont need alot of attention but I do need to be tended to. I dont think thats asking too much...

[Mister Bent]

an internet connection

[Queerasfck]

bustin a nut on her

[Greyson]

Acceptance for who I am. Not your idea of who I may be but who I really am. Not a stereotype nor a caricature but a real human being. This is what I long for in a relationship of all types of connections, friendships, romantic, professional ecetera.

[Kätzchen]

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved?

Is it a way that someone talks to you? That they pay attention to how you feel and are in tune with your emotions? Do they make you feel interesting and special? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

Or is it in gestures? Flowers, breakfast in bed? Notes on the pillow?

Is it routine? Coming home every Friday and knowing that Friday is always pizza night? Making the bed together every morning? Sunday is cleaning day?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

I think the number one thing that adds to my feelings of safety and security in a loving relationship is when the other person makes time for me and gives me their undivided attention.

For example, they hear me: they listen to me actively and when they respond to me (in the way that they do), it makes me feel loved. Or said differently??? When they care about what bothers me, hurts me or causes me pain or brings me joy or any number of things and they offer comfort to me - in whatever form of natural expression that comes from a heart centered place of genuine care and concern for me??? It's the number one way that I am able to recognise that they truly love me. I need that the most; it's like oxygen to me - knowing that they care about me: This is what causes me to feel secure and loved.

[Blade]

Obviously I don't have a clue..................or at least don't have a clue how to recognize when it happens or not

[JustJo]

When you come from a dysfunctional place where what you needed never mattered - I think that it is very, very hard to (as an adult) believe that anyone could or even want to meet the needs that you have. Also, I've found that some needs are in direct conflict with other needs. To add confusion to an already confused situation.

Thank you adorable...I come from the same place, and it makes it very difficult for me to verbalize what I need or want. I don't expect that anyone can read my mind, but there's a part of me that wishes they could...and then tell me so that I could know too.

I'm learning... :rrose:

[gotoseagrl]

my cat resting her head on my hand. *purr*

[femmedyke]

understanding, most certainly.

[waxnrope]

chocolate :cracked:

[Andrew, Jr.]

The touch of Dino's paw, or a lick from him. Or it can be love from one of the cats laying on my lap or stomach while I am on the soffa watching sports or sleeping.


:rollcat: :ballcat: :cat:

:doghead: :awww:

[Kenna]

This one is very hard for me to think about.

I try not to think about love or being loved ... it might cause me to let my walls down or to give someone a key to a very deep part of my inner-self.

I'm not a "needy" person. But there are a few things I would like to experience in this life...before going to the next one and having to search all over again.

I need to feel protected... to eventually share my worst fears with someone, and have them NOT use it against me.

To feel protected when I have had a nasty day being a Tough-Ass-Boss at work, but the "little girl" in me needs comfort and a tender touch.

I am far from weak... but have weak moments... if I can ever find someone to trust with that key to the very deep part of my inner-self,
I need to feel protected and respected during my weak moments.

I didn't feel protected as a child or young adult... I would NEVER take for granted the special person that could do this for me. And I would NEVER take for granted the special gift of protection they would bestow on me.

I think if I could find the kind of special person who's willing to protect me in a way that I have always dreamed of... I may possibly be able to think about love and being loved without fear of being hurt. I think I would and could love them with all my heart and soul if they could do this for me.

(that's all I wish to share at this time... maybe more later)

[Passionaria]

I need tenderness, it is the key to my heart......

:rose: Pashi


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[Lady Pamela]

Understanding of my condition and patience when It is flaired up.

Honesty and full trust in me. "That I will do and act as I say" And that I will honor my relationships in whatever scene or circumstance.

The freedom to be me without being degraded or accused of false actions. Even if I am silly at times.

Acceptance that family and committment to those I care for are the most valuable thing in my life. And that I take an active role in every one.

[Gemme]

This one is very hard for me to think about.

I try not to think about love or being loved ... it might cause me to let my walls down or to give someone a key to a very deep part of my inner-self.

I'm not a "needy" person. But there are a few things I would like to experience in this life...before going to the next one and having to search all over again.

I need to feel protected... to eventually share my worst fears with someone, and have them NOT use it against me.

To feel protected when I have had a nasty day being a Tough-Ass-Boss at work, but the "little girl" in me needs comfort and a tender touch.

I am far from weak... but have weak moments... if I can ever find someone to trust with that key to the very deep part of my inner-self,
I need to feel protected and respected during my weak moments.

I didn't feel protected as a child or young adult... I would NEVER take for granted the special person that could do this for me. And I would NEVER take for granted the special gift of protection they would bestow on me.

I think if I could find the kind of special person who's willing to protect me in a way that I have always dreamed of... I may possibly be able to think about love and being loved without fear of being hurt. I think I would and could love them with all my heart and soul if they could do this for me.

(that's all I wish to share at this time... maybe more later)


I understand and relate to this very much.

[Pretty Woman]

Two part answer from me:
What do I need to feel loved (inside myself): Safety, calm, quiet, introspective time. Days when I can put the dysfunctional chatter of my upbringing on the shelf and know that I am a superb human being, meaning that I do the absolute best I can and take steps to correct my mistakes when I fall short of my goals for myself. That stuff happened in the past..by folks who really needed help and had no capacity for parenting.

What do I need to feel loved (by another human being): See above...I absolutely am unable to be in true partnership with another individual unless I'm cool with me. And once that's in place, interaction with another human being who is also committed to knowin that it takes two to tango and that half of the problem is on each side. And, that defending a heels dug in position doesn't advance the ball.

[Sachita]

This one is very hard for me to think about.

I try not to think about love or being loved ... it might cause me to let my walls down or to give someone a key to a very deep part of my inner-self.

I'm not a "needy" person. But there are a few things I would like to experience in this life...before going to the next one and having to search all over again.

I need to feel protected... to eventually share my worst fears with someone, and have them NOT use it against me.

To feel protected when I have had a nasty day being a Tough-Ass-Boss at work, but the "little girl" in me needs comfort and a tender touch.

I am far from weak... but have weak moments... if I can ever find someone to trust with that key to the very deep part of my inner-self,
I need to feel protected and respected during my weak moments.

I didn't feel protected as a child or young adult... I would NEVER take for granted the special person that could do this for me. And I would NEVER take for granted the special gift of protection they would bestow on me.

I think if I could find the kind of special person who's willing to protect me in a way that I have always dreamed of... I may possibly be able to think about love and being loved without fear of being hurt. I think I would and could love them with all my heart and soul if they could do this for me.

(that's all I wish to share at this time... maybe more later)


I couldnt have said this better. Thank you and agree 100%.

[SuperFemme]

I think a terminal illness is perhaps the biggest test of love.
Plato is stil here, and loves me. Even when I can't get out of bed
and have puke in my hair.

Knowing that hy can love me thru even the worst days has given
me a sense of security I've never had before.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Lady Pamela,

I just cried when I read your post. It was so beautiful. :gimmehug::cheer::goodscore::goodpost:

Love,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

SuperFemme,

You are right. A terminal illness is a test. I know from watching my sister and her husband. How he would gently hold her when she cried, or when they were told that there was no chance of survival. The tears. :praying:

Or when one of our siblings would hold her head while she was having the after effects of chemo, experimental drugs, or stem cells and wiping off her face with a cool wet wash cloth. The love is just so obvious. It is tender, sweet, loving, and so bonding. Until you experience this love, you really never know what love is about or how deep it can be reached in your heart and soul.

It isn't about bravery or courage. It is about love. That is what life is really about. Some haven't figured that out yet, and may never. Thank God it isn't our issue.

Namaste my sweet, dear sister,
Andrew

[jey_z76]

Well, instead of posting what I need, I figured I would just let everyone know the kind of person I am.

We all know that while relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, they aren't always easy. They're hard work and require oodles of love, patience and, well, sometimes the ability to know when to keep your mouth shut! Those in relationships need to let their partner know some things about themselves. Here are a few things about me.....

I would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.

I enjoy romance. Pretty much of a hopeless romantic! But sometimes I doubt my skills to be romantic.

I care about my woman's appearance. Everyone knows that I am very visual but women often forget just how helpless I am to what I see. The right visual stimulation can hypnotize me. And I am sure it has the same effect on others.

I want my partner to know how much I care.

A woman who smiles, makes it easier for me to approach her by conveying an attitude of confidence and playfulness.

I rarely get listened to, at least not beyond a few minutes. Most of the time that is all I really need, but since I hate to be rejected, it is easier for me to keep conversations superficial.

I am stubborn.....that's not much of a secret! I would like to have my partner be able to take my shit as well as give it right back to me! I sometimes need a reality check of how I am acting!

Ok......these are just a few things about me!

[Leader]

trust
communication
touch
laughter
passion
sensitivity

going deep...

love.

:stillheart:

[Tcountry]

Love is a mutual agreement between two hearts and souls...

I need a woman to BE HERSELF...
To actually Trust that I genuinely love her for who she is...
That even though I am cheezy/smooth, it is not an ACT, it is just me...
One who can take all my honesty, good and bad, and return the favor...
One who gets my humor, sometimes smartass/sarcstic...
& one who can comfort me...even when she is wrapped up in my arms...

[DamonK]

Don't define me by what I'm not. Define me by what I am.

Don't look to complete me. Complement me.

Know my devotion is unwavering. And allow me to expect the same from you.

Treat me as you would want to be treated.

Accept me with all my faults, and know I will do the same for you.

I'm simply a human being. I'm frequently wrong. Don't remind me of every time I'm wrong.

Support me as I support you.

You can make suggestions concerning my conditions, and we can make a decision together, but don't ever make a decision about "me" without me.


Luckily...MBE does all this.

[Gemme]

I need to be heard. You don't have to understand my motivations/reasons/etc, but HEAR me tell you what I need from you.

[paposeco]

Trust.
If you Trust me with your heart, then I feel Loved and once that happens...oooooh baby girl, 'Katie bar the door', I'm at your command(f)

[Jesse]

In order to feel loved...

I need to be able to trust before I can feel loved and in order for that trust to take form, I need to see that what you say and what you do match up as one and the same.

I am a deep and constant thinker and need for you to reach those depths with me. I can't live well in shallow land.

I need emotional intimacy as much as I need sexual intimacy, if not more.

I need to know we are on the same team and that you have my back.

I need honesty and truth

I need for you to be doing your work as far as your health goes; emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health. And I need for you to gently kick my ass if I am not doing mine.

I need shared laughter and a time to be like kids when appropriate to do so. Humor is important to me.

[adorable]

I have found that I feel loved when I am listened to.

I feel loved when I am missed and held.

When hy worries about me and for me.

When hy tells me that everything will be ok.

Being loved is so strange for me sadly - but I like it. A LOT. lol. It works for me.

[Scorp]

- A Gentle Touch

- A Certain Look

- Hugs (of course)

- To be heard

- Understanding

- Trust

- Honesty

- Laughter/Silliness

- Compassion

- Nurturing

- Date Nights

- Romance

[Soft*Silver]

....attention....

[Gemme]

In order to feel loved...

I need to be able to trust before I can feel loved and in order for that trust to take form, I need to see that what you say and what you do match up as one and the same.

I am a deep and constant thinker and need for you to reach those depths with me. I can't live well in shallow land.

I need emotional intimacy as much as I need sexual intimacy, if not more.

I need to know we are on the same team and that you have my back.

I need honesty and truth

I need for you to be doing your work as far as your health goes; emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health. And I need for you to gently kick my ass if I am not doing mine.

I need shared laughter and a time to be like kids when appropriate to do so. Humor is important to me.

This is an excellent post, Jesse.



The things that help me to feel loved have evolved over time. At one point, it was the physical love and the physical actions that made me feel loved. While I enjoy that still, at this point, it's the "small" things that many people don't even think about that do it for me.

I need consideration as a human being and as an equal partner. I need pleases and thank yous and manners in general. I need the daily sensitivities that tell me that my partner is thinking of me and what I may want or need. I need to know that my partner thinks of me like I think of them, and often. I need to be a priority in their life, though I may not always be the highest priority at that moment, I need to be up there.

I need for my partner to see the big picture not exactly as I do, but to SEE it...to have their own plan for their life and path and for OUR union and path. I need for my partner to have similar goals and beliefs concerning the big stuff (knowing my big stuff might not equal someone else's big stuff, of course). I need them to walk that path, during the process of obtaining those common goals, with me...side by side, and knowing their needs are neither greater nor lesser than mine.

I need laughter and shared jokes. The more offensive the better, because I need my partner to be as much of a deviant as I. I need tender moments in quiet times and the knowledge that that moment means just as much to me as it does to my partner. I need patience in spades and forgiveness when it doesn't come easily from myself. I need my partner to love me more than I love myself, because as hard as I am on them, I am much harder on myself.

I've used the term partner several times now and that is what a relationship is to me: a partnership. A team. Both members must look out for one another and be kind to one another and forgive one another when those moments come (and they will) and keep working towards the team's goals in the big picture. They need to act as one entity, moving and flowing in unison.

Mind you, this doesn't mean spending every waking moment with one another or tying two of your legs together or anything like that. Heaven knows, Organic would have been strung out on the balcony a long time ago if that were the case. The relationship takes on a life of its own and that is what needs to be fluid and evolve.

[princessbelle]

Gosh these posts in here are just fabulous and it shows that many, many of us have had that opportunity to really REALLY feel love. What a wonderful thing.

I agree with everyone that so many things truely can help you achieve that level of connection to allow someone into that special place that we protect at all costs until we trust someone and welcome them into that wonderful part of who we are.

There is one thing though, imo, above all the other wonderful dynamics of being treated good, cuddled, reassured, trusted and trusting, honesty, devotion, tenderness all of those precious parts in a real loving relationship...

And that is, imo, that look.

It is a look from their eyes that radiates back into mine that is just beyond anything that can really be explained.

It is that place where songs are written before they are sung, where poetry is thought of before it is written, where dancing is felt before any movement and a place where the words "I love you" are touched before they are spoken.

That to me is what *i* need, want and desire. That is love and if that place is felt..the rest will fall into place.

[Glenn]

I look deep into my eyes and say I lovel you in the mirror or I drink a smooth whiskey and smoke a good cigar

[Duchess]

Oh. I was waiting for an opportunity to post another one of June's unpopular (and personal) opinions.

Rule #1 - Femmes Always Run The Fuck. Even when they're taking it from behind.

High five to you my beautiful Femme sis!!!

[Stargazer]

Fun and interesting thread and with so many commonalities I wonder if were all consciously giving it back..

but anywho...

What I need to feel loved:

I need to know you got my back.. day and night, when i am right and when I am wrong. Not to stand up for me but with me or support me when I am wrong and say so.. gently...

I need someone to share the load. Not just expect life will miraculously poof in front of them.. this includes clean clothes, the dinner, a movie night out, or a vacation abroad..

Hold my hand

Sleep with me at night

Hug me before running off in the morning

leave the world outside our front door, often.

Surprise me.. little tiny cute girly things..

Honesty, say yeah or nah and know its ok.. and make sure its ok when I say it back. Mean what you say or dont say it at all. If you're not getting what you need, say so.

equality

Make us as important than you or me

Im sure there is more or even less but the older I get the more I see how important working together to make the relationship makes me feel loved, to know I am important, cherished, needed, wanted, desired, when were both in it for each others well being.

Star

[Jesse]

:blink: :|

Oh. I was waiting for an opportunity to post another one of June's unpopular (and personal) opinions.

Rule #1 - Femmes Always Run The Fuck. Even when they're taking it from behind.

[sweetfemme247]

I look to myself for love because if i dont love myself then I cant have anyone else love me, I need honesty and trust.

[RockOn]

I need to be treated with kindness, respect, open-ness and honesty on a continuum. And if she laughs at my corny jokes a lot of the time, then that is great too.
:)

[JAGG]

waking up gentlly as she crawls on top to lay her head on my shoulder and fall back asleep.
Soft unexpected kisses for no reason.
Surprise visits out of the blue.
The feeling of her touch when she reaches for me in the middle of the night.
Bringing me a cold drink on a hot day , just cos she figured I needed it.
Being a partner in home projects.
Being honest and trustworthy, so I would never doubt or have to look over my shoulder.
Be as invested in US as I am.
Make sacrifices , IE. sit through a boring football game happily.
Know how to get through to me when I'm being hard headed, if I'm in love with you , you have the power to win any disagreement we could ever have, if you know how to get through to me.
Little notes left in unexpected places, telling me why she loves me.
Grabbing my hand and pulling me away from a project , and walking me directly into the bedroom , I see candles burning and ........
Communication about everything.
Taking care of me when I'm hurt or sick.
Knowing what loyality, and devotion, and love mean.
Being able to sense when I'm not ok, even if I say I am.
Buying small inexpensive gifts like my fav gum, placing it in my breifcase to find when I get to work.
Get up early on a work day and secretly make me breakfast while I'm in the shower.
Put a sweet love note in my lunch box.
Send me hand written love letters or cards in the snail mail,
Make me something with your own 2 hands, even if it's a poem that you put in a frame for me.
Playing little jokes on me so we both laugh out loud.

[Tucker]

I need a Bad Boy.
I need Mischevious, Raw, and Nasty guys.
To feel loved, I need to not hear things like "Baby. Princess. Darling.
I need to hear things like "Girl. Mine. HellCat"

[bigbutchmistie]

A Look

Nurture Me

Laugh With Me

Consistency in Words and Actions

Affection Lots And Lots Of It

Trust

Honesty

Sensitivity

Romance

Making Me A Priority

Be Spontaneous. Surprise Me At My Place At My Job...

Fall Asleep In My Arms

Love me for me. Dont try and change me. Im stubborn as hell. But if you have my heart I'll hang the moon for you... ;)

[LipstickLola]

waking up gentlly as she crawls on top to lay her head on my shoulder and fall back asleep.
Soft unexpected kisses for no reason.
Surprise visits out of the blue.
The feeling of her touch when she reaches for me in the middle of the night.
Bringing me a cold drink on a hot day , just cos she figured I needed it.
Being a partner in home projects.
Being honest and trustworthy, so I would never doubt or have to look over my shoulder.
Be as invested in US as I am.
Make sacrifices , IE. sit through a boring football game happily.
Know how to get through to me when I'm being hard headed, if I'm in love with you , you have the power to win any disagreement we could ever have, if you know how to get through to me.
Little notes left in unexpected places, telling me why she loves me.
Grabbing my hand and pulling me away from a project , and walking me directly into the bedroom , I see candles burning and ........
Communication about everything.
Taking care of me when I'm hurt or sick.
Knowing what loyality, and devotion, and love mean.
Being able to sense when I'm not ok, even if I say I am.
Buying small inexpensive gifts like my fav gum, placing it in my breifcase to find when I get to work.
Get up early on a work day and secretly make me breakfast while I'm in the shower.
Put a sweet love note in my lunch box.
Send me hand written love letters or cards in the snail mail,
Make me something with your own 2 hands, even if it's a poem that you put in a frame for me.

Perfect! one teensy lil thing to add.....laughter and lots of it! :)

[JAGG]

Perfect! one teensy lil thing to add.....laughter and lots of it! :)

You are 100% correct I fixed my error thank you .:seeingstars: How could I skip that one?

[Jess]

to wake everyday knowing she is here.
yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.
so for today, I am here.

[Mister Bent]

Toast.

Make me some fucking toast and call it a meal, then tell me you love me.

[PearlsNLace]

I am finding that I need a sense of team work with my partner, on many levels, including the things that Im working one outside of our relationship.
If I am deeply involved and passionate about a project, if my partner does not show ANY interest or any willingness to listen and at least be somewhat involved in, I feel less valued.

[Ms. Meander]

I don't know anymore. But that doesn't mean I give up.

[Soft*Silver]

I am working my 12 steps of AA and doing my inventory and you know, I have discovered a whole bunch of stuff about me.

Including how I define love.

as well as how I have settled for what wasnt love

and

how I justified it in my head.

I put down in an earlier post that I need attention to feel loved. Thats correct. I do. Its the number one thing I must have from someone in order to feel loved. It doesnt have to be alot. It doesnt have to be lavish. But it has to be ENOUGH. And if I have to spell out to them what enough is, then I dont feel loved. Period. Its simply not the right relationship for me.

[rlin]

basically i only need respect...
it seems like a small thing...
but...
all those other little things can be present... all the right moves... looks... words...
but...
realizing that respect is not there blows it all away...

[MrSunshine]

fruit snacks and granola

[Kenna]

To spend one on one time with my beautiful, smart, sassy, bright, funny nieces.
To get lots of hugs and cuddles with them...
to watch them play their sports;
or dance around the house in their froggy pjs and slide around the kitchen in their fuzzy socks;
to giggle at them as they bounce around their rooms telling me about their crushes;
to have the youngest curl up on my lap when she asks me to read to her;
to get tickled when the oldest asks to brush and braid my hair;
to watch how silly they are on the trampoline;
to hear them once again yell out "Aunt, You're THE BOMB!!";
to share "ooooo's and ahhhh's" as we all huddle around the computer to flip through the National Geographic website and to have them tell me of places they dream to visit;
to inspire them when they tell me what they want to be when they grow up.... to be there for them when they need me.
To be a part of their life as much as possible.
To give them the HUGE Love and Attention back that they lavish on me.
To see them happy and to watch them grow into beautiful, well accomplished, confident, well loved young ladies.

[girl_dee]

love at this point in my life means cut the crap and own me, tell me "You belong to me and don't fucking forget it",

unless of course, you are my mother :|

[princessbelle]

Toast.

Make me some fucking toast and call it a meal, then tell me you love me.

I just can't get over this post. It totally cracks me up. OMG

[Leigh]

All I need is a few simple things:

1) Accept Me as I am, flaws and all

2) Talk to Me, don't go and air out our problems to someone else ~ if its something with us please just talk to Me

3) Don't tell Me you want Me and then get so caught up that you suddenly realize your not ready to give yourself ~ once My heart is invested, I don't want to find out you've gone too fast

4) Be honest and up front with Me, especially if you expect it in return

5) Don't try and change Me, it wont work


There's more but its simply really ~ just love Me, thats all I ask

[WolfyOne]

Love, sometimes overrated, but everyone needs it or so I've been told

I think at this point in my life as long as I'm accepted for good, bad or ugly, I know you understand me enough and I'll truly feel loved

Feeling content and secure in self and relationship also screams loved

Top of my list though has to be communication, without it, love is lost

[Kenna]

Security; knowing I'm safe and respected
a Partner that doesn't expect me to be the sole care-taker, provider and cook in the kitchen (I'm so tired of doing it all myself for the past 30+ years)
Support and Compassion
Hugs and quality time with my nieces
tender kisses on my forehead at the end of the day
Someone (friends, family, lover, et al.) to share dreams and life with, and not someone that sucks the life out of me or kills my dreams and cuts my connections with family & friends like my ex of many many years ago did.

family dinners where we can share our day's events and quality time together
Space of my own when the time is needed; without having to defend why I need space
Shared Space where their presence is very comforting and reassuring.
the sense of Familiarity and Protection

[AtLast]

Willingness to engage when things are shakey. What is uncomfortable must be resolved.

[Tcountry]

Understanding...no matter how hard the circumstance...

[girl_dee]

safe haven
understanding
tight grip
acceptance
allowing me to love back.

[LipstickLola]

I need you to always, have my back, for I will always have yours

[asphaltcowboi]

good two way conversation
fire in the fireplace
cup of coco
shared puffy blanket that smells like lavendaer fabric softner

[bigbutchmistie]

I need your time

I need touch

I need understanding

I need patience

I need loyalty

I need intimacy

I need faithfulness

I need honesty

I need trust

I need communication. I need to be able to talk to someone about anything and everything. I need to feel that they"get me"

I need passion filled love making nights

I need affection without me asking for it... I love lots and lots of hugs, kisses, hand holding...

Sharing my dreams, goals and my past

Accept me for me. Dont try and change me...

I need to feel that I am someone's priority.. And that "us" is priority to someone

[HoneyedChrysanthemum]

a cup of kindness. when i've rested in your arms, i will give back."
i will elaborate on this later.

[Julie]

A four carat Canary Diamond.
I am a simple girl - with simple needs!

[Sachita]

I feel loved. I need honesty, loyalty and security.

[Gemme]

I'm simpler than IF. Three carats is good for me. And you can save the canary. I don't like yellow.

:blink:

[Julie]

I'm simpler than IF. Three carats is good for me. And you can save the canary. I don't like yellow.

:blink:

I changed my mind!

When I was in Australia - Dreamer and I went into an Opal store in Melbourne - OMFG

This was the most brilliant Boulder Opal I have ever seen (as if I have seen a lot) and it was surrounded by tiny diamonds - the gold had a black rhodium finish - so it was neither yellow or white but black. The Opal was free form - simply stunning and a work of art.

I wanted this!
I did not get this!

I might feel loved if I did.
And it was less than a canary diamond.

[Jesse]

FOOD! At least for now

[Tucker]

Laughter. Laughter until our tummys hurt and we can't breathe.

(Oh, and someone that can make fun of me.)

[Gemme]

I changed my mind!

When I was in Australia - Dreamer and I went into an Opal store in Melbourne - OMFG

This was the most brilliant Boulder Opal I have ever seen (as if I have seen a lot) and it was surrounded by tiny diamonds - the gold had a black rhodium finish - so it was neither yellow or white but black. The Opal was free form - simply stunning and a work of art.

I wanted this!
I did not get this!

I might feel loved if I did.
And it was less than a canary diamond.


That sounds gorgeous! When I was on a cruise, I saw a lovely opal that made me wish I had the money for it sooooo bad. I wanted it and it wanted me, I could tell. It's tragic, I tell you.

*cry*

http://www.paulgallienne.com/page19.htm

I love the black and boulder opals on this page.

[katsarecool]

Receiving books and chocolate is a good start!

[Tommi]

Receiving books and chocolate is a good start!

giving away books, (f) and getting lotttsa chocolate.

[Leigh]

What I need to be loved is very simple - tell Me and show Me

[Strappie]

My Friends

My Family

Oh and a gf would be the bonus.

[bigbutchmistie]

To just be able to snuggle up and talk about the day. No matter how good or bad it was...

Sharing hopes and dreams..

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Hmmmm...What I need to feel loved...

~ Ask me how my day went...and actually listen and care about the response

~ Tons of affection filled with snuggles, hugs, and kisses

~ Eyes meeting even in a crowded room, lingering glance

~ Sweet Gestures or thoughts

~ Tell me you want me or how much you missed me

~ A nice text or a surprise phone call

~ Being able to laugh and just be silly together

~ Being there to comfort me and listen when the world just doesn't make sense...knowing that I will do the same

~Sharing in the laziness of a rainy day that calls for take out, snuggles, and movies

~ Being able to share in those intimate moments behind closed doors...The type that only you and your partner know about...delicious, sinful, and loving all wrapped in one :)

:) Too specific, I'm sure..But hey I am a girl who knows what she wants :)

[Corkey]

My wife
that's all.

[Soft*Silver]

submission

[Lynn]

To feel loved, I need to be accepted as I am, without a need for me to change in order to meet anyone else's expectations. I need to be able to ask for and get hugs and support. I will feel loved if I am loved according to my own needs and desires, and not those defined by another. I feel loved when I am listened to and HEARD, and when I am CONSIDERED. When we do something just because I want to do it, and when she is happy because *I* am happy, I feel loved. And, when you tell me how you need to be loved and then let me love you that way, I also feel loved. xxoo

I do feel loved.

[Just_G]

I need to know that we are BOTH vulnerable and ready to BE loved.

[Starbuck]

Your soft caress on my arm that asks, "how was your day?"

Letting me show my affection for you makes me feel loved

When you look in to my eyes and tell me how pretty they are

To know that you accept me for me, w/o reservations

Shared kisses that speak volumes in moments of complete silence

To know you feel the same way

[Baby Bear]

For someone to love me unconditionally, and allow me to be vulnerable and dependent in their arms yet recognize my strength and abilities as a individual.

[redrose]

what do I need to feel loved??? a lot lol!!!

-food (lol! no one would like me if i'm hungry)
-on call (lol! should always be available)
-good listener (i am a nagger, lol! i am so quiet with other people, and i only talk to my butch, unfortunately, i could be annoying)
-has a good memory (should never forget important occasions)
-should bring out the best in me (i need to feel beautiful and wanted without saying it, lol!)

[bigbutchmistie]

I need to know that no matter what life throws at me I have a partner who stands by my side through it.

Affection and lots of it

Make me feel like I'm your King cause I will only treat you as my Queen

So much more but I need to get back to work :)

[Jesse]

For me, what is important in love is to take the time to find out what love feels like to my partner and then make sure I know how to love them in that way and vice versa. This is important because what feels like love to me may not feel like love to another person, and their way of showing love may not reach me in that capacity.

[Merlin]

Physical attention,
Plenty of kissing,
Caresses,subtle touches.
Cuddles.
Hair ruffles,
Candlelit baths,
Intimate massages,
Nice meals cooked,

[storyofmylife]

Just the knowing that I am.......
even if we are miles apart :stillheart:

[musicman]

To have faith in my abilities

To believe in who I am

To Trust me

[MsTinkerbelly]

THAT look...the one that says no matter what, no matter who, she thinks I hung the moon.

[violaine]

consistency

[BullRider_Dillon]

Fidelity! Really,how hard is it???

[Stud_puppy1991]

Ok I will write in detail :)

Romance

Lots and lots of affection

Sweet emails, texts

Laughter

Being supportive

Being loyal

Being patient with me

Being understanding

Be sensitive to my needs and others needs

OMG, I am the same, but I also need for someone to give me unconditional love and to love me for me, not a mold.

[Quintease]

consistency

That along with 'normality'.

[Amber2010]

We are not together in the way most are... For me to feel love is in the voice... It makes my heart race and I can't help but smile and sometimes even giggle...
It is in the texts.. When I hear my phone go off at work or anywhere I look down and again my heart is racing and I am excited before I even read what hy says ....
It is in the actions... I can have bad days and still feel loved... the support the caring ... the quick words of " I love you so so much" it melts me right there... I wake up and am thinking of hym I go to sleep and the same...
To me that is real love... More then I have ever had... I am respected... cared about... supported.. and most of all I have it all unconditionally .. I love you Dallas so much!

[Dallas2010]

We are not together in the way most are... For me to feel love is in the voice... It makes my heart race and I can't help but smile and sometimes even giggle...
It is in the texts.. When I hear my phone go off at work or anywhere I look down and again my heart is racing and I am excited before I even read what hy says ....
It is in the actions... I can have bad days and still feel loved... the support the caring ... the quick words of " I love you so so much" it melts me right there... I wake up and am thinking of hym I go to sleep and the same...
To me that is real love... More then I have ever had... I am respected... cared about... supported.. and most of all I have it all unconditionally .. I love you Dallas so much!

Oh sweetheart I love you so so much :bunchflowers:

[lespere]

I feel most loved with a combination of physical touch, cuddling as well as romantic / sexual and listening.

To me feeling most loved is to be supported and encouraged to what makes me the happiest, and allows me to care for someone in the same way.

I read an interesting book a few years ago about how each of us shows and feels love in different ways - how to help identify what makes you and your Sig Other feel most loved - called "The Five Love Languages":. While not all parts of the book were in sync with my beliefs I felt the message was a good one.

[cinderella]

attention (the good kind)
tenderness and kindness
consideration
helpfullness - the unselfish kind
strength - moral, spiritual, and character
integrity & honesty without brutality
humor - able to laugh at themselves first
humanity - a strong love for nature and all it's living creatures (except bugs - I hate bugs! lol)
affectionate - without shame or embarrassment in showing it
unbridled passion and romance (even the corny kind, I love it!)

well that's the short list... :)

[girl_dee]

Her hand at my throat and a me at Her boots.....

[bigbutchmistie]

OMG, I am the same, but I also need for someone to give me unconditional love and to love me for me, not a mold.

I agree I should have put that as well.

Also someone who values relationships as I do. Someone who doesn't move from relationship to relationship. :)

[Quintease]

This book is amazing! (http://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Attachment-Find%C2%97-Keep%C2%97Love/dp/1585428485/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1309297902&sr=1-1) I wish I'd read it long ago

[amnesia.bfp]

I don't remember.

Who am I?

[gotoseagrl]

... peace.

[Gráinne]

High love for myself-without that, no one else is getting through my walls.

Acceptance for all I am, faults and all, BUT also someone who will push me in the ample behind when I make up my mind to better myself. Challenge me, dare me.

I don't need gifts, but if you want to give me one, make it something personal-like you know who I am. The best are made, or planned. Something simple like my favorite dinner on the "good" dishes, followed by slow dancing in the living room...etc.

For example, it would rock my world if she would massage me; better still if she snuck out and took massage classes just to learn how to pleasure me ;). I was married to a man who gave me a gift certificate for the cheapest massage at a spa, and I had to drive myself there and back. No more.

I must have laughter, enough to make my sides hurt and so I can't breathe, tears rolling down my face. I won't ever be with someone who can't make me laugh. I hope I make my future girlfriend laugh the same way.

I must have someone who listens to me and who doesn't talk to me while walking out of the room.

Be reliable and authentic.

Tolerate me when I'm a big kid and love cool things, whether you think they are or not; better yet, sometimes be a big kid yourself. This does not mean being childish or un-adult when seriousness is needed.

I like the physical part of a relationship often. Very often. This is my primary "love language", from that book. It does not always mean sex; I love contact, period. Don't expect me to warm all over you in bed if you've not touched me at all during the rest of the day.

That's a long list, all to say I can't define it but I know when I feel it :)

[bigbutchmistie]

Accept me for who I am and dont try and change me.

Being affectionate

Being intimate without being sexual

Dependable in every situation.

Being able to be silly and laugh

Trusting without reservation

Pouring out my hopes dreams and goals. The most intimate parts of my soul. And know Im being supported.

Little things like massaging my back, or leaving notes in my lunch. So many things. Doesnt have to be grand gestures. Its the little things that mean the most to me. :)

[JAGG]

I always feel loved. I need nothing to have that feeling. Others can add to it but no one, and nothing can take away from it.

[girl_dee]

I agree Jagg, no tasks need be done to feel it.

[justkim]

It just is... a feeling...

[The cute widdle wesbian]

I believe in the 5 love languages for basically what everyone does to express love, and basically how they feel most loved. There's a lot of other stuff mixed in, we can never make it easy lol, but the 5 love languages are: Words of affirmation, acts of service, giving/recieving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. I'm definitely physical touch and my wife is words of affirmation, which simply means that she sometimes has to bat me off her with a stick when I'm feeling too sentimental and I have to shut her up when she's that way. lol, but we balance each other out. She loves my touchy feely ways, how I constantly need hugging and kissing and rubbing and holding and lots of cuddling, if she didn't like that then it would be a disaster for both of us lol, and I like hearing her mooshy wooshy lovy dovy 5-minute long explanations and 3-page letters of her love for me, if I didn't I'd me much too easily annoyed with her. It's the click that we have with each other, even though sometimes she thinks I'm hanging off her too much and I think she talks too much. :P

So that's what makes me feel loved, lots of touching. I'm horrible at expressing my deep feelings through words, I'm the clumsiest person there is with words, but I'm great with touch. So that's how I feel the love, but I also love hearing the words, which I guess would be my second love language in a sense. Just don't expect me to make a speech of love, I feel like a rambling fool when I get started.

[Mister Bent]

http://dyn-images.hsni.com/is/image/HomeShoppingNetwork/pd300/andrew-lessman-nac-500-n-acetyl-cysteine~385999.jpg

[J. Mason]

Honesty and respect and some beer.

[clay]

Don't need anything as I haz it ALL now....<smile> I AM loved!!!

[bigbutchmistie]

Gosh I havent seen this in awhile. :) I love this thread. I still stand on all the previous things I have stated....

Its very hard to get my heart. But once one does, its very easy to make me feel loved :)

[Estella]

I am a simple girl with simple needs. All I really require to feel loved, cared for and protected is someone who will, without question or comment, come into the bathroom while I'm showering to dispose of the large, unidentifiable bug lurking in the corner.

[Library_girl]

I've read several pages in this thread, and I keep nodding my head, sighing, agreeing with so many! But I'm going to post anyway, so here goes:

I need affection, lots of it: kisses for no reason, surprise touches, your fingers through my hair, walk up behind me and wrap your arms around me....

I need laughter

I need someone who will let me shower them with love

I need communication

I need nurturing

I need someone who won't run for the hills when it gets rough--because I never will

I need fidelity

I need trust

I need passion (oh yes, please)

I need a little PDA

I need someone who will tell me and show me how they feel

I need understanding

I need commitment

I need someone who thinks I'm the most beautiful and wonderful femme on earth (because if I love you, I will think you are the most fantastic, hottest, sexiest butch ever, and you will know it)

I need someone to challenge me

I need someone who equally gives and takes

I need intelligent conversation

I need some who has similar and different interests than my own

I need romance: little notes, showers together, slow dancing, holding hands, anniversaries, etc.

I need someone who thinks "we" are so important!

I need someone who is proud of "us" and of me

I need respect

And did I mention affection? Plenty of that.

[diamondrose]

I need actions, mostly refering to physical touch and affections. That would have to be my top thing amoungst many other things.

[lettertodaddy]

I'm new here, and after having my heart broken recently by a careless butch, I've been thinking about this quite a lot.

I need attention. Yes, I'm needy. Not psycho stalker needy, but I like it when you reply to my texts/emails, send me texts/emails throughout the day just to say hi (or to share a joke).

I like to be touched. Not full-on making out in public (though that's OK), but just hold my hand when we're out and about. Touch my shoulder when you walk by.

I need you to let me touch you. I can live with not touching you that way if you're stone, but let me hold you sometime. You can't always be the strong one.

I need open communication. I need honesty. I need respect and a willingness to remember that we love each other, even when we're angry with one another.

I need someone who is present and lives in the moment. Don't worry about what will happen tomorrow, or next week, or next year. Just focus on how we feel in that moment and let those feelings guide how we act toward one another.

That sounds like a lot, doesn't it? It may be why I'm still alone. :(

[princessbelle]

Not a lot.

This, however, is a must.

http://dl6.glitter-graphics.net/pub/307/307396ida4iwnovc.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[The_Lady_Snow]

I need to be able to:

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e321/kbizs/TT/Flogger_Black_Red_Suede.jpg

http://www.kinowear.com/images/belts/belt5.jpg


http://th04.deviantart.net/fs7/150/i/2005/265/c/c/needle_play_by_LadyMynx.jpg


http://www.monkeybound.com/pics/products/mb_ms_DSCF7576.1.jpg

whenever I want....

[bigbutchmistie]

I need consistency

I need affection and lots of it

I need to feel like I am your King. Cause be damned sure I will treat you as my Queen

I need someone who challenges me

I need someone who "gets" me

I need to hear it but I more so need actions. You can tell me all day long and if you arent showing it. It has no meaning

I will be back to add more later.... :)

[Ginger]

To feel loved, I need to feel seen clearly and listened to. I need to feel trusted. I also need to know that I am a priority in that person's life, and that my safety, comfort and well being are a factor in her and our decisions. I need to be part of a long-term plan, that we make together. I want to feel that she is happy to see me when I walk in the door, and is sad to see me leave for little trips or whatever. I need to feel confided in, and I need her to be a confidante for me.

Not so outrageous, these expectations, but not so easy to find, either.

[Nomad]

- self respect makes it possible for me to feel loved. that's a definite need. maybe we concentrate too little on that sometimes. losing it certainly brings things into focus.

- healthy, well balanced Dominance makes me to feel loved. so much so that i cant engage without it. not a popular answer maybe. dont know. dont care. Dominance from someone who is made up of equal parts respect for themselves and for me, consistency between words and actions, decisiveness, trustworthiness, honesty without fail, compassion, a healthy dose of humility, self-awareness, open mindedness, and the ability to be a mentor and friend, all with a vein of humor running through the mix makes me feel loved.

*might as well add that if someone cant show me those qualities outside the bedroom there's no point in making an effort to get inside the bedroom. i stopped defining sex as love a long time ago.

[Bard]

all i need is to be taken for who I am not who they may wish I could be to be respected and cared for .. I found all of this in my Desd all I really need is her .. her arms around me make me feel like I am home .. she makes my heart smile

[Corkey]

a smile from my girl
I'm a simple man.

[LesboNascarFan]

Hmmm...
I need my partner to let me know that I exist and am special to her. It would make my day to get replies to my texts or even send an occasional text to let me know you are thinking of me.

Have open communication. Talk to me when something is bothering you or you are having a bad day and hear me out when I have to talk to you about something or I have a bad day.

Hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, look into my eyes and tell me you love me..show me your love as I will show you how much I love you. Even when we are angry with each other, we still need to hug and kiss our goodbyes for the day.

Treat me with respect as I will treat you like you are the center of my universe.

I know..too much...maybe that is why I have noone special in my life right now.

[*Anya*]

“Becoming real happens when someone loves you for a long, long time...generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.

But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

~The Velveteen Rabbit~

To feel loved, I just need to be able to be Real.

[Vivacious1]

Honestly, I think I am pretty simple but most have said too high maintainence! I want to be protected, respected, honored and cherished. (and spoiled sometimes) *s I want someone to stand up to me when I need that and to just listen when I don't and someone that knows the difference. Don't say you like me one way and change your mind later. Be secure in yourself and with me. Be confident, not cocky. Finish my sentence, when I can't. Hold me when I don't know what I need. Be strong for me when I feel weak. Don't tell me what I can't do, help me to do them. Look at me like I am the only woman in the room. Touch me softly, just to let me know your there. Don't grope me.... Don't try to buy me, share life with me. You don't need to put me above you.... just walk beside me. I am old fashioned in some ways, I will take the best care of you... always let me know how valued I am.

[alexri]

Gonna take a different approach here...

I need someone who doesn't buy into the Jerry McGuire "you complete me" bullsh*t. You don't complete me. I am complete by myself. You complement me. You help me see things in myself that I didn't see. You bring out great things in me, and I do that for you too.

I need someone really, really, close... who will occasionally leave me alone. We don't have to do every single thing together. We don't have to have 100% of the same hobbies, friends and interests. I hate it when couples morph into this "one" thing and the individuals lose their identity. I expect to have individual activities with or without other friends involved. That's not to say that if your idea of a hobby is robbing liquor stores or blowing the family fortune at the casino that it's okay.. obvious issues there. But if you love to knit and I want to poke my eye out, or I like to do races and you wouldn't run if a lion was chasing you, I don't expect you to take up a hobby I have or go to an event I like if you have no interest. I need alone time and buddy bonding time.

And I need chocolate. Just sayin.

[ruffryder]

just love in all ways.. heart, mind, body and soul. Everything else will come naturally. :)

[Mel C.]

Hmm..I think feeling loved starts with self. I'm not sure I allow myself to feel loved, so I have to get over that hurdle. Then, I suppose it would be kind words, kind gestures, patience, feeling heard and appreciated, also feeling that the other person(s) are willing to receive my love. Sounds like a good start, I may be back after pondering some more...

[FeminineAllure]

I need...
acceptance of my imperfections

feeling protected and safe

consistency

honesty

trust

respect

communication

passion and romance

humor

I only ask what I myself have to give as well.

[InkSlinger]

I am sure there are other "things".

However, could someone just love me for ME? If you love Me for Me.. the rest just falls into place (atleast in my experience), I can honestly say I have only dated 1 woman and lived with another that truly loved and accepted me for me good and bad quirks and all. Communcation, is key.

*thinking no wonder I mentioned in the other thread that a hug would feel good right now*

[Leigh]

I don't need much to be loved, but I do need a few certain things:

~ love me for who I am am, faults and all

~ show me and tells me everyday just why I mean to you

~ support me in whatever I do and stand beside me

~ kiss me everyday, hold my hand, cuddle me and play with my hair

~ the easiest thing of all - just love me!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Making sure that pesky spot mid shoulder blades is scratched thoroughly without direction when it itches!

[Tuff Stuff]

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?


What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

Nothing material will make me feel loved.It won't be nothing she said.It won't be nothing she does for me physically.I feel loved when she's right there by me.She can be a thousand and one miles away from me,but I can still feel her right next to me.I can pick up my phone and give her a call and hear her voice.I feel loved when she looks at me and without speaking any words tells me to "fix it" (take action,take the reigns)and I can.

[Shystonefem]

Kindness

Surprises (doesn't have to be expensive gifts)

Let me be who I am - don't love me for what you think you can change me into

Emotional and intellectual intimacy

Should have a couple things in common

Treat my family kindly. You don't have to like them but be kind because I love them.

Be secure enough to not get upset when I go out with my friends and I will do the same.

Support my dreams as I would support yours.

[Gemme]

petroleum jelly and a snorkel
a stuffed Pooh bear
sushi
singing "I feel pretty....oh so pretty!" in the middle of the street

:rubberducky:

[JDeere]

ATTENTION! I am an attention whore galore. If I give you my time and attention I expect it back in return!

[Vivacious1]

Choccie, lots of it!

[JDeere]

I second what Viva said, choccie! And Lots of it too!

[Chad]

Being single is hard at times and easy at times. Sometimes I feel all alone in the world but then I remember that I have friends and family.

I have raised kids with different partners but the boys that I raised with my best friend are all mine. Kids by love not blood. When my boys hug me I know that I am loved in a way that I never thought was possible. I am the unlikely parent of two loving and kind grown men.

[JDeere]

Sometimes I just need a bit of reassurance.

[imperfect_cupcake]

My friends, my family, a kitty, a career that I love has made the biggest difference in my life ever. I get people I can help with pain, I touch people I helpful, non-hurtful, non-sexual ways all day - for many it's the first time they have experienced that. I love introducing people to new touch, especially if they have difficulty with touch. I know how much it can change brain chemistry, and I think it's important. As someone who was trained as a primatologist, I know how important touch is to our functioning as primates. Our brain chemistry changes for the better even when we think we don't need it, so getting a very good, well trained massage (non-invasive) eases stresses when we don't have regular touch in our lives.

The care I can bring my patients and the respect I get back I can't tell you much that matters in my life. I used to suffer from depression, stress, feeling like I wasn't any use or that I wasn't good enough... Became codependent in relationship by tiring myself out trying to be useful to others and killing myself in the process, trying to get praise and a sense of value. Work certainly didn't give it to me - bosses and line mangers were awful, when I worked in service industry customers were rude and sometimes down right cruel.

Now I work with people who are genuinely interested in what I can do to help. And actually doing something that stops pain by adjusting their bodies is better than an orgasm.

So it affects how I feel in myself and how I feel with others. I still need cuddles from my friends, from my cat. I still need intimacy from my friends. But I'm way, way more happy single now and feel loved and appreciated and I'm not killing myself for someone anymore. My patience for bullshit is zero as well, because I know how easy it is to be single. Frankly, it's easier lol.

I've got a good family and good friends and an amazing career. Broke as fuck, mind. But I have my rent and bills paid and I can eat. So, I'm ok.

I do feel loved. I also feel I can take care of myself and it's not hard. Not a struggle.

[Bubala]

Just a little bit of time...

I'm independent. I'm a career woman. I'm intelligent and decently well educated. I'm a realist, I stand with my heels firmly on the ground. I can hold my own in the big boys business world out there. I take no BS and I do not back down.

Then again at the end of the day, when corporate lights go down, and our daily masks start to peal off, I make my way home. At the end of the day I am just a girl... I am a full blooded woman... I need you...

Pay attention, miss me....tell me that you've missed me... show me that you've noticed... Make me laugh, make me giggle like a little girl. Only you can make me giggle like that. Only you know the silly, crazy, stupid, childish side of me.

Talk to me, arouse my mind... calm my thoughts... Hold me like a child, hold me life a woman. Wrap your gorgeous hands around my waist and pull me in, closer, closer.... I want to hear your loud foreceful heartbeat. I want to inhale your scent. Disarm me with you gentle strength. Make me feel like a woman... I want to be loved, I want to be safe and protected, I want to be yours...your and no one else's. I want to be your girl, I want to be your lover, I want to be all woman for you...

That all... all I need to feel loved is just a little time...miss me, let me know you've noticed...Let me know you still care...

[kittygrrl]

kind, wise, love-unconditional, in sync

[storyspinner70]

Don't ignore me. I am the quintessential babygirl in that aspect. My butch tends to tune me out:
1. because she doesn't multitask well
2. because I talk more than she is used to - or likes...lmao she's told me to shut up on more than one occasion. That I have no issue with.
3. because I need more of that type of attention than she's used to

But when she doesn't really listen to me it upsets me. I've always been like that. I'll even make people look right at me so I know they're listening to me if something is important. When she ignores me I feel...maybe not unloved, but unimportant. I know what she's like - this is my hangup, but it's a big one. She makes more of an effort to pay attention to me when I need it, and I make more of an effort to actually tell her "hey you need to stop ignoring me" and to accept her flaws instead of saying "I take her as she is, no matter what" but then actually not accepting who she is. I forget sometimes she can't read minds and has no idea what it's like to be needy in the way I am.

But there's so much else she does for me that I need: she takes care of me, she teaches me things I don't know, she makes me eat my vegetables when I come visit her cause my health actually matters, she makes me go to bed when I'm up at 4am when I shouldn't be, she reins me in when I get too cocky and arrogant, she loves me even when I'm unloveable, she ignores my sulking when I forget I'm not a jealous person and she puts me right back in line when I'm out of control.

These are the things I need to feel loved. One thing she mostly fails at. All the others, she mostly succeeds - better than anyone I've ever known.

[JDeere]

Little things, as I grow older I see that little things mean more than big things in the relationship but sex will always be a huge one for me.

[gotoseagrl]

~ Super strong communication - we never have to wait for a response from one another, no matter what is going on, via text, phone, email, verbal or anything. This is a need we both have. We are also constantly talking and/or writing to each other about our feelings, thoughts & more, especially since living together.

~ Honesty - We tell each other everything.

~ Fearlessness - I never feel afraid of anything when we are together, and that says a lot because I tend to be anxious with most people. I am so incredibly relaxed when we are together that I find myself starting to nod off sometimes, which is unusual for me. And I am never afraid to talk about or bring something up with her cause I Just always know it will be ok.

~ Stability - by nature, my Partner is the Dominant one in our relationship & maintains steady routines and daily structure that never change, and I quickly learned I needed that as soon as we started dating. I couldn't do without them now.

~ Protection - my Partner is the one person I feel 100% safe with, always, and it has been that way since the first day we met. She is always looking after me and I am so grateful for that. Also, neither of us could bear to see the other hurt, and we have never hurt each other, not even once, since we've been together. We also never argue or fight.

~ Support - We are each other's #1 fan, and we admire and encourage each other all the time. She is so incredibly supportive of my creative outlets and any interests I want to pursue, and she is amazing with knowing where my strengths and limitations are and knowing which way we need to be headed for both our personal & relationship growth, which is more than I could have ever asked for.

~ Passion - I'm a very passionate person, and in our relationship, this is something that comes effortlessly and intensely. And boy did I meet my match. There is a wild flame that we know will never die.

~ Sense of humor - We are always laughing with and at each other, out of love. Sometimes we can't even stop!

[MitchM42]

There is quiz you can take online that will tell you what you #1 and #2 languages are out of five. It was interesting, because my wife and I took and realized that we not only do NOT need the same things....but we also didn't "talk" in the language the other needed. I am a touch language and she is an act of service.

[femmeandstrong]

Just exactly what I am experiencing now.
♡♡♡

[Nattih]

To feel sexy (even when I'm not), to feel attended to, and to feel valuable.

[clay]

for someone to be in that moment, its in the kiss, the touch, the pheromones....a gentle touch, a kind heart, & honesty, being able to actually communicate....

[homoe]

There is quiz you can take online that will tell you what you #1 and #2 languages are out of five. It was interesting, because my wife and I took and realized that we not only do NOT need the same things....but we also didn't "talk" in the language the other needed. I am a touch language and she is an act of service.

Yes, and a book as well The Five Love Languages written by Gary D. Chapman. I just re-read it last year and even tho it's aimed at straight people, I've found it very helpful.

[JDeere]

To feel appreciated, to be shown appreciation.

[Orema]

I have to be heard. I need hym to listen to me. And listen to me with the intent of understanding, not with the intent of changing my mind. We don't have to always agree, but I have to know I'm being heard.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I have to be heard. I need hym to listen to me. And listen to me with the intent of understanding, not with the intent of changing my mind. We don't have to always agree, but I have to know I'm being heard.

This. I need to feel listened to. I need to feel accepted no matter what as well. And to feel valued. I also need a fair amount of attention.

[gotoseagrl]

The actions, efforts, simple things. I read between the lines/words.

[kittygrrl]

thoughtful leadership, kind guidance, respect, meaningful kisses

[JDeere]

The actions, efforts, simple things. I read between the lines/words.

Actions is another good one to add to my list.

Actions do speak louder than words!

[gotoseagrl]

Yes they do, they speak volumes, and I think that is what you can always count on.


Actions is another good one to add to my list.

Actions do speak louder than words!

[JDeere]

Yes they do, they speak volumes, and I think that is what you can always count on.

I agree whole heartedly as well!

[RockOn]

I need her to be respectful and it is shown through her actions.

I am talking about those intrinsic characteristics along the lines of but not limited to respect, ethics, character ...
Here are some thoughts on that:
To feel loved I need a woman who is honest, won't lie to me or intentionally leave out certain parts because I consider that withholding part of the truth (not telling entire truth) which to me is a subtle form of lying ... one who believes in me enough to realize I really have integrity which encompasses thing like
being open and honest with her, won't lie to her, won't say or do things to evoke jeoulousy, won't betray her, cheat on her, realizes I know my humor can be somewhat goofy at times, I need a femme who can give in to her silly side

I could go on and on but need to get up off this patio chair and get busy with my outdoor work. All of this does not matter anyway. I have been off the romance market for a very long time and intend to remain that way. I am content. :)

[kittygrrl]

I never have to worry, I know I can count on you:hk8:

[Cin]

It's hard to put into words what makes me feel loved. I'm not sure I even know half the time what will work during any given set of circumstances. I know we all have our issues and our baggage. Personally I have a lot of luggage. I'm no picnic for sure. But whatever it is I need, whatever it is it takes, my wife is doing it. Thirteen years and counting. I am so lucky she loves me. She just naturally finds the holes in my heart and somehow fills them.

[McGeek]

when i feel trusted i feel loved...as im a loyal old dog

[C0LLETTE]

intimacy, good food, no yelling.

[Jesse]

I agree. For me, actions definitely speak louder than words...sometimes so much they scream!

Actions is another good one to add to my list.

Actions do speak louder than words!

[homoe]

A Honey Do List..................

[Stud_puppy1991]

Appreciation, loyalty, to be told I have worth, cuddles, kisses, gentle touches, and honesty. I don't think that's asking too much

[Gemme]

A Honey Do List..................

It's good to feel wanted and needed!

[Zimmeh]

That I will have days where I just need a hug to make my day complete.

Zimmeh

[girl_dee]

i recently retook the 5 languages of love test and while i am not even sure i agree with the results, this came up....

Words of affirmation are key. i don't know why but those words that come from no where, for no reason.... anchor me in.

[2qt]

A smile even when you know i'm just being stubborn.... Personal space to grow & learn from myself & in each other...Not to be your only priority in life...To just be held in my weakest moments when I may not appear to want it...

A massage now & then would be great... lol

[hopelessromantic69]

Understanding me as I can be hard to love at times. Allowing my loner side some space. Forgive my weaknesses and enjoy my strengths. Except the fact that I talk a lot...I mean a lot after drinking coffee lol. Trust in my understanding Of your fears or concerns.

When I'm sick I tend to take care of myself but some home made chicken noodle soup would be nice ;)

[Tuff Stuff]

Cupcakes... :cheer:

[gotoseagrl]

~ Consistent peace
~ Authenticity
~ Listening
~ Respect
~ The feeling that words can't provide
~ Puppy sleeping on my head in the morning

[hopelessromantic69]

A smile even when you know i'm just being stubborn.... Personal space to grow & learn from myself & in each other...Not to be your only priority in life...To just be held in my weakest moments when I may not appear to want it...

A massage now & then would be great... lol

I will hold you in your strongest moments also 😉

The massage is only if you have behaved...

[kittygrrl]

to feel safe-

[2qt]

Coffee..... :giggle:

[Canela]

i recently retook the 5 languages of love test and while i am not even sure i agree with the results, this came up....

Words of affirmation are key. i don't know why but those words that come from no where, for no reason.... anchor me in.


I was just going to post the same thing!

Words of affirmation are exactly the balm my spirit needs sometimes. Just that is enough usually... but then I'm a teacup... lol

[homoe]

CASH.......bushels and bushels of cash.........:giggle: