A Community Request

[Admin]

Hello all,

I wanted to take a minute to talk a little bit about the growth of our site and how you as a community member can help keep ThePlanet a warm and welcoming place.

We have a LOT of new members lately. Many of these new members are ALSO new to the Butch/Femme dynamic and many of them have never been a member of any kind of social internet community. Some of the new folks are trying to figure out if this community will fit their needs, how they identify, and where their desires are leading them.

I want to ask each of you to please understand that with the introduction of so many new folks on our website, that you might need to take some extra time to help a newbie understand what some of our terminology means or how to better navigate the myriad of ways that we all identify. Please be extra patient with folks who might be at the very beginning of their journey and try to remember where you were and how you felt when you were brand new to your identity or to the online world.

I also want to request that you take the time to *ask for and provide clarification* in conversations where someone may have inadvertently used an incorrect identifier for you or someone else or made an unglamorous or clumsy statement. Please stop and ask yourself if it is possible that the person might merely be new or if they might not yet have familiararity with your personal way of being.

Many of us have known each other online for 5 or even 10 years. Some of us for 12 or longer! I think that sometimes we forget that ThePlanet is bigger than our personal bubble of experience. That we need to embrace people who come to this community in search of family, friends, or fuckbuddies. That we need to welcome the diversity of new ideas, new experiences, and even new ways of identifying within the Butch/Femme dynamic and Trans communities.

There are a great number of younger people joining this site and even people from many different countries. We can learn just as much from them as they can learn from us and I hope that we all will remember that as the weeks and months spread out before us.

When Jack and I decided to go ahead and do this damn thing and started gathering people and ideas, we never imagined that ThePlanet would actually work as well as it is working. We never imagined that almost 10 month later we would have 1300 members, be getting ready for a Reunion, and be looking at a long and bright future.

This community is such an important space, not because we built it, but because all of YOU built it. I am amazed every day when I wake up and see another 10 members have come and joined this space. I am amazed when I see people reaching out across fences to connect. I am amazed that we are actually doing this. Together.

Im not asking you to be all woo-woo or make glittery kittens shoot from your nether-regions. I am asking you to remember the love. Remember how you felt or would have felt the first time someone said to you, "Hey, you're ok just the way you are!" or "Hey! I get it!"

Please join me in helping keep ThePlanet a healthy and welcoming space for everyone who is already here as well as those who find their way here. I beleive we have the most amazing community here and believe that we have the ability to affect change right here every day. So let's do that!

Thank you.
Admin

[little man]

i suspect you are a glittery kitten shot from some nether region or another...

[Apocalipstic]

Yeayyy! Thank you for being so cool Admins!

[TenderKnight]

I really like this post and these thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to post them.. I will always try to see things from the other side, hopefully, others will extend the same kindness to me.

Thank you again and I'm behind this thread, 100%.

Tony, who has had glitter shoot from nether regions, but never kittens..

[little man]

Tony, who has had glitter shoot from nether regions, but never kittens..

my sister has some kittens, if'n you're needing one or two.

[Oneida]

Timely, good post, Admins. And I thank you for recognizing the noise going on here from time to time that is unhealthy/detrimental the overall good and sustainability of an (this) online community.

When people feel they must preface and/or end their posts with caveats in order to protect themselves from what they certainly must feel is an imminent attack, well...that's not good. It happens too often here that folks feel the need to put on their armor (or worse, apologize in advance) in order to express a benign, personal opinion. Or, they just stop posting in the "meatier" threads...

Here's to thinking of others...for you never know the battle they might be fighting.

[waxnrope]

Thanks so much for this thread.
Since Tony already said something about nether regions in pubic, I will forego making a similar comment and risk getting into some type of difficulty. But, just thanks for some stuff to think about and mull over. Always learning here.

[TenderKnight]

my sister has some kittens, if'n you're needing one or two.

awww.. Thank you! But I have to be honest, not sure I'd want that.. Kittens have those friggin wicked needle claws.. Not fun on the way out, even with lots of glitter to lubercate.. And they wiggle.. and pounce.. hmmm

[Ebon]

Im not asking you to be all woo-woo or make glittery kittens shoot from your nether-regions.

Thank you.
Admin

Awww man!!

[little man]

awww.. Thank you! But I have to be honest, not sure I'd want that.. Kittens have those friggin wicked needle claws.. Not fun on the way out, even with lots of glitter to lubercate.. And they wiggle.. and pounce.. hmmm

but...(or butt) i hear the wiggling is a good thing. :)

tell ya what, take a pair of them and they'll keep each other busy while we find something less scratchy for you.


ever helpful,

wil

[TenderKnight]

wil, sounds like a plan to me!

[Gemme]

Thanks so much for this thread.
Since Tony already said something about nether regions in pubic, I will forego making a similar comment and risk getting into some type of difficulty. But, just thanks for some stuff to think about and mull over. Always learning here.

Freudian slip? :innocent:

These kittens of glittery fame....are they declawed? :blink:

[little man]

Freudian slip? :innocent:

These kittens of glittery fame....are they declawed? :blink:

tony says they're not.

[suebee]

Declawed kittens are for wusses. Jus sayin'.

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e21/lithium_green/fighting_cats.jpg

[Arwen]

http://media.superpimper.com/graphics/Cats_Kittens/cats-kittens-1075.jpg

[Gemme]

tony says they're not.

Ouch. :blink:

Let's hope for no breachies, yes?

Declawed kittens are for wusses. Jus sayin'.

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e21/lithium_green/fighting_cats.jpg

You, missy, are not being helpful. :eyebrow:

[Oiler41]

Thank you for posting this. Pup and I have had a very similar discussion on more than one occasion. I think we have all seen the negative result of someone new to this site (or any other similar site) or the dynamic (and sometimes someone not so new that is trying to understand a component of our community that they may not have really considered before), use the wrong identifier and get blasted for it; or say something that seems ID insensitive, and get blasted for it and/or labeled as intolerant of this or that and discounted from that moment forward. It's not pretty, it's not very fair and it can be quite divisive. I for one don't like or want to see the division of our community along such a boundary. In my opinion, the collective "we" are already a microcosm within a microcosm. As such, good debate is healthy; division is not.

I really do appreciate the stance, wisdom and tolerance of the admins and most of the community here in their desire to create a positive space in which everyone should feel welcome to a space that provides us with a place to play, learn, share, debate and best of all, connect with our community; our online family that we often have the luxury of meeting in person along the way. Every single one of us is at a different point in our own personal journey and knowledge, and that often is reflected in what we say, how we say it; what we view as humorous or distasteful. Tolerance and understanding cannot be forced. Many of us have seen the result of that premise. It must instead be nurtured through dialogue, information exchange and patience. Many thanks for reminding us all to engage our brains and our hearts before engaging our keyboards.

Didn't want to get on a soapbox, but hey, it's 3:30 in the morning and this thread certainly hit on a point that I feel pretty strongly about but never took the time to vocalize. Thanks for the prompt, thanks for the space and thank you for the reminder to us all to help keep this place healthy across the board!

Glynn

[sharkchomp]

I'm personally against shooting kittens from any region. I don't hold glitter grudges.... just saying

sly grin

~~~shark~~~~~~~~

[Gemme]

Breachies = breach birth...er, extraction. Claws could....hurt.

Thought I'd clear that up. :|

[SassyLeo]

I love the "personal bubble"

A couple of years ago, June and I were talking about friendships and she said "friend bubble". It made SO much sense to me!

What got me thinking is how we all come from our own life experiences and then from all kinds of different communities...some of us know each other from more than one and each has their own dynamic. I think it is easy for those environments to bleed into each other... and although it can be great when they collide, I think it is also important to remember the different energies... "bubbles"

June - please explain better :blink:

[Gemme]

I love the "personal bubble"

A couple of years ago, June and I were talking about friendships and she said "friend bubble". It made SO much sense to me!

What got me thinking is how we all come from our own life experiences and then from all kinds of different communities...some of us know each other from more than one and each has their own dynamic. I think it is easy for those environments to bleed into each other... and although it can be great when they collide, I think it is also important to remember the different energies... "bubbles"

June - please explain better :blink:

I think I see where you are going with this. In my mind's eye, I see those hideous circles they made us do in geometry that are separate but some overlap.

For example, one circle would be blue and over there. One circle would be red and over here. There would be a section of the circles that overlapped (those with common elements, such as mutual friends or interests) and that section would be purple. Each circle has its own environment and parameters but the purple is unique in that it is a blend of the two separate circles (with their energies already in place), therefore coming up with its own energy that is derived from the energies of the red and blue circles.

Okay, it may not make sense to anyone else, but I get it. :blink:

[waxnrope]

I think I see where you are going with this...

Okay, it may not make sense to anyone else, but I get it. :blink:

I am so glad that you get it ... :|

[WolfyOne]

This thread is turning out to be just what I expected.......shared effort and community spirit.

I remember how hard it was for me to find my place and fit in, way back. When on another site as a newbie, many old timers would jump on anything you wrote that didn't conform to their way of thinking. I used to back away from many threads because of it. Over the last couple of years, I've learned to hold my own. I promised myself when this site opened and I became a member that I would not put anyone through what I had to go through to fit in somewhere. I've tried really hard to help newbies I see here if I'm not familiar with them from another place. I want us to keep new members not chase them away. Community is about standing up for each other and helping those that don't understand to be aware. We have to remember, we were them once. Debates are great, but not at the cost of embarrassing another in public view.

Admin, thank you for all you do to make this a great place. A place that feels like a home. A place worth coming back, again and again. A place where love or at least like is felt and not hate. A place where as a community we can help others become whomever they want to be.

[Dude]

We might could use some of them there aura fluffers :sock:
:cigar2:

[Gemme]

We might could use some of them there aura fluffers :sock:
:cigar2:

I hesitate to use any kind of fluffer. :blink:

[Dude]

I hesitate to use any kind of fluffer. :blink:

it's only scarey the first time

[Gemme]

it's only scarey the first time

I'll take your word for it.

[Nat]

I hesitate to use any kind of fluffer. :blink:

you crack me up.

I wouldn't even know what a fluffer is if I hadn't seen that documentary about anabelle chong. I wonder how one goes about becoming a professional fluffer. Like, is it a job you just fall into, or is it more of a chosen career path? I would totally like to read a history of fluffers.

[waxnrope]

ok, I'll bite: what is a fluffer? a person who fluffs pillow? I dunno! maybe it's something on the new iPhone!

[Nat]

A fluffer is a sort of stage hand (or mouth) - for porn. A person whose job is to keep the actors from going soft between scenes (or while they are waiting their turn). At least that's my impression. :)

[Dude]

maybeee instead of warnings, posting offenders could be given a blank screen with
a Tony Orlando and Dawn medley to simmah them down with. I say a half hour on repeat just might do the trick. :cigar2:

[Fancy]

A fluffer is a sort of stage hand (or mouth) - for porn. A person whose job is to keep the actors from going soft between scenes (or while they are waiting their turn). At least that's my impression). :)

OMG I had no idea.

And all this time I was imagining reheating (fluffing) the clothes in the dryer.

:blink:

[Ryobi]

A fluffer is a sort of stage hand (or mouth) - for porn. A person whose job is to keep the actors from going soft between scenes (or while they are waiting their turn). At least that's my impression). :)

I can assure you, they aren't stagehands but, you are right about what a fluffer's "job" is.

[Gemme]

A fluffer is a sort of stage hand (or mouth) - for porn. A person whose job is to keep the actors from going soft between scenes (or while they are waiting their turn). At least that's my impression. :)

Yep. Gotta keep those boys upright and tight!

maybeee instead of warnings, posting offenders could be given a blank screen with
a Tony Orlando and Dawn medley to simmah them down with. I say a half hour on repeat just might do the trick. :cigar2:

William Hung? That would cure me. :blink:

[Random]

A couple years ago Eve used her apt as an analagy and it sort of stuck with me.. (I'm incredibly protective of my home space)

There are people who wait at the door while you grab your purse, there are people who come in a sit on the sofa, there are people who can get something from the fridge, and then there are the people who can lay on your bed...

With me... If you try to go from waiting at the door to sitting on my bed while I put my shoes on without doing th work.. Well, that's going to get you being met at the movies and not being even invited to my house..

For me.. it's all about stages and respecting someone's space...

[Gemme]

A couple years ago Eve used her apt as an analagy and it sort of stuck with me.. (I'm incredibly protective of my home space)

There are people who wait at the door while you grab your purse, there are people who come in a sit on the sofa, there are people who can get something from the fridge, and then there are the people who can lay on your bed...

With me... If you try to go from waiting at the door to sitting on my bed while I put my shoes on without doing th work.. Well, that's going to get you being met at the movies and not being even invited to my house..

For me.. it's all about stages and respecting someone's space...

I've given out too much rep again, so I can't rep this to you privately (and I was going to say something anyway, soo....)....

I love this analogy. Thank you and Eve for it. The physical space may only be a few yards but for every yard someone would get closer to me, there is quite likely weeks or possibly months of familiarity behind it.

[SassyLeo]

I think I see where you are going with this. In my mind's eye, I see those hideous circles they made us do in geometry that are separate but some overlap.

For example, one circle would be blue and over there. One circle would be red and over here. There would be a section of the circles that overlapped (those with common elements, such as mutual friends or interests) and that section would be purple. Each circle has its own environment and parameters but the purple is unique in that it is a blend of the two separate circles (with their energies already in place), therefore coming up with its own energy that is derived from the energies of the red and blue circles.

Okay, it may not make sense to anyone else, but I get it. :blink:

Yes!

I remember when I first became involved in the community. I joined the dash site and I purposely spent a fair amount of time reading...trying to guage the tone of language and conversation dynamics.

At first I spent alot of time in the "fluff" threads because I didn't feel I was as knowledgeable about gender and b-f stuff. I didn't want to appear or sound lame... I don't recall it being specifically about others being made fun of or called out, mostly my own fear of sounding like a total idiot.

Gradually as I learned and read more, I participated in the more intense threads and I am sure I still said some completely ridiculous stuff (and still do), but I was much more willing to take the risk - I think partially because I felt more "comfy" with the site energy and also I think by that time I had met some folks in person (bay area b-f group events), so it made it easier for me to connect.

I try to give the benefit of the doubt... I think (someone can call me on this if I'm oblivious :))

[Strappie]

Medusa....

What a great reminder and thank you for posting this. I think it is important that we ask to clarify before we JUMP all over someone. I have seen a few times when someone refers to someone as one ID and they are not that ID and that person gets ridiculed. If they are new they will NOT have a clue as to what YOU ID AS....

I for one am all for being patient and giving them the opportunity to get to know who I am and how ID as.

I agree with everything else that was said too!!

Thank you once again Medusa!~

[Arwen]

Some threads need bumping. Read the first post first.

[Medusa]

Hey Planeteers!

I'm bumping this thread in anticipation of what might be a small influx of new signups. We have steadily seen anywhere from 5 - 15 new signups a day for a long time, with it being a strong average of 10 a day most of the time.
I just renewed an ad on Facebook with some vey specific targeted marketing toward Butches, Femmes, Genderqueers, and Transfolks who might not yet be members of the site. This might mean that we get several new people who are either new to the dynamic or new to having a "home" on a community forum.
I wanted to ask everyone to read the first post in this thread again as a reminder of how to greet newbies or help folks find their way who are new here. I trust that everyone here will be amazing!

Thanks!
me

[rlin]

Hey Planeteers!

I'm bumping this thread in anticipation of what might be a small influx of new signups. We have steadily seen anywhere from 5 - 15 new signups a day for a long time, with it being a strong average of 10 a day most of the time.
I just renewed an ad on Facebook with some vey specific targeted marketing toward Butches, Femmes, Genderqueers, and Transfolks who might not yet be members of the site. This might mean that we get several new people who are either new to the dynamic or new to having a "home" on a community forum.
I wanted to ask everyone to read the first post in this thread again as a reminder of how to greet newbies or help folks find their way who are new here. I trust that everyone here will be amazing!

Thanks!
me
i was lately reminded of how tenuous our stay around these parts is... with that in mind i wanted to take the opportunity to tell you that things like this post are only a fraction of the reason i think that you and jack are flippn amazing folks!!

[Jet]

I also want to request that you take the time to *ask for and provide clarification* in conversations where someone may have inadvertently used an incorrect identifier for you or someone else or made an unglamorous or clumsy statement. Please stop and ask yourself if it is possible that the person might merely be new or if they might not yet have familiararity with your personal way of being.


we'll do.....

[Medusa]

Bump and Repost:

Hey Planeteers!

I'm bumping this thread in anticipation of what might be a small influx of new signups. We have steadily seen anywhere from 5 - 15 new signups a day for a long time, with it being a strong average of 10 a day most of the time.
I just renewed an ad on Facebook with some vey specific targeted marketing toward Butches, Femmes, Genderqueers, and Transfolks who might not yet be members of the site. This might mean that we get several new people who are either new to the dynamic or new to having a "home" on a community forum.
I wanted to ask everyone to read the first post in this thread again as a reminder of how to greet newbies or help folks find their way who are new here. I trust that everyone here will be amazing!

Thanks!
me

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm still waiting for glittery kittens to shoot out of someones nether regions.


Me. I'll do it; I now own a pink bridal pony from the wedding, so I can now shoot glitter teacup kittens from my @ss.


http://i413.photobucket.com/albums/pp213/Honeybarbara_photo/moremethanme.jpg

[WolfyOne]

I forgot about this thread and started to reread many posts. I think we should all remember how awkward some of us felt in the beginning. Coming out and/or being new to an online community. Learning how to write it the way we think it should be written, so others don't jump on us and make us want to never post again. Keep in mind many newbies are timid or shy when it comes to posting, so it only takes one harsh post to them to make them stop posting. Perhaps PMing them instead of embarrassing them (even if we don't think it's embarrassing, they might). Some newbies have no problem fitting in from the start because friends sent them here. If they don't post a thread in the newbies forum, maybe go welcome them on their message board and they'll start feeling comfy with us. I'd like to know, in time that we'll all mix and mingle never thinking about the newbie that was once awkward in the beginning.

[Medusa]

I just wanted to bump this thread to remind folks to take some extra care with our newbies.

I just accepted about 200 friends requests on Facebook which might mean we get some new faces around here. Please be patient and take extra time to explain things if someone seems confused.

The first post in this thread is a good read. I thank all of you for your continued support of this community!

[amiyesiam]

I just wanted to bump this thread to remind folks to take some extra care with our newbies.

I just accepted about 200 friends requests on Facebook which might mean we get some new faces around here. Please be patient and take extra time to explain things if someone seems confused.

The first post in this thread is a good read. I thank all of you for your continued support of this community!

does that mean we aren't allowed to eat have them for lunch?
so by default that probably means breakfast and dinner are out too:|

[suebee]

I just wanted to bump this thread to remind folks to take some extra care with our newbies.

I just accepted about 200 friends requests on Facebook which might mean we get some new faces around here. Please be patient and take extra time to explain things if someone seems confused.

The first post in this thread is a good read. I thank all of you for your continued support of this community!


I take it you have the game postings blocked. :|

[Linus]

I still want to know how I can make glittery kittens shoot from my nether regions. :blink:

[amiyesiam]

I still want to know how I can make glittery kittens shoot from my nether regions. :blink:

well first you take a kitten................

well actually you better get the glitter ready first:|

so fill a large pot, bowl, bag full of glitter (color to be determined by you cause it is your region)

then you take a kitten (make sure it is color coordinated with your glitter for best effect)

take hold of the kitten firmly (you might want gloves on for this part)
spray said kitten with some type of spay on adhesive
(I don't recommend glue as you would have to roll the kitten in it and might lose you grip and the kitten. You won't catch that particular kitten again:| and would have to get another kitten)
quickly, but gently, (well as gently as you can be with a 10 oz ball of tacky, screeching kitten:|) dunk the tacky kitten in the glitter. And roll em about thoroughly.
When the kitten has reached a glitter level that meets with your approval, take kitten out of glitter and place in a secure kitten carrier. (you will never find it again if you let it go)

NOW, for the next part, you are gonna need the help of a very close friend.............

[Corkey]

well first you take a kitten................

well actually you better get the glitter ready first:|

so fill a large pot, bowl, bag full of glitter (color to be determined by you cause it is your region)

then you take a kitten (make sure it is color coordinated with your glitter for best effect)

take hold of the kitten firmly (you might want gloves on for this part)
spray said kitten with some type of spay on adhesive
(I don't recommend glue as you would have to roll the kitten in it and might lose you grip and the kitten. You won't catch that particular kitten again:| and would have to get another kitten)
quickly, but gently, (well as gently as you can be with a 10 oz ball of tacky, screeching kitten:|) dunk the tacky kitten in the glitter. And roll em about thoroughly.
When the kitten has reached a glitter level that meets with your approval, take kitten out of glitter and place in a secure kitten carrier. (you will never find it again if you let it go)

NOW, for the next part, you are gonna need the help of a very close friend.............

You jus ain't right....

[betenoire]

does that mean we aren't allowed to eat have them for lunch?
so by default that probably means breakfast and dinner are out too:|

My mom says that I'm not allowed to cannibalize the newbies any more. I called her just now to ask.

It sucks, too. I am SO HUNGRY.

[Soft*Silver]

no one said we cannot drink them.....

[Medusa]

Bump - Bump

Please refer back to post #1 in this thread.
Thanks!

[Admin]

One more bump for good measure ;)

[Arwen]

Hello all,

I wanted to take a minute to talk a little bit about the growth of our site and how you as a community member can help keep ThePlanet a warm and welcoming place.

We have a LOT of new members lately. Many of these new members are ALSO new to the Butch/Femme dynamic and many of them have never been a member of any kind of social internet community. Some of the new folks are trying to figure out if this community will fit their needs, how they identify, and where their desires are leading them.

I want to ask each of you to please understand that with the introduction of so many new folks on our website, that you might need to take some extra time to help a newbie understand what some of our terminology means or how to better navigate the myriad of ways that we all identify. Please be extra patient with folks who might be at the very beginning of their journey and try to remember where you were and how you felt when you were brand new to your identity or to the online world.

I also want to request that you take the time to *ask for and provide clarification* in conversations where someone may have inadvertently used an incorrect identifier for you or someone else or made an unglamorous or clumsy statement. Please stop and ask yourself if it is possible that the person might merely be new or if they might not yet have familiararity with your personal way of being.

Many of us have known each other online for 5 or even 10 years. Some of us for 12 or longer! I think that sometimes we forget that ThePlanet is bigger than our personal bubble of experience. That we need to embrace people who come to this community in search of family, friends, or fuckbuddies. That we need to welcome the diversity of new ideas, new experiences, and even new ways of identifying within the Butch/Femme dynamic and Trans communities.

There are a great number of younger people joining this site and even people from many different countries. We can learn just as much from them as they can learn from us and I hope that we all will remember that as the weeks and months spread out before us.

When Jack and I decided to go ahead and do this damn thing and started gathering people and ideas, we never imagined that ThePlanet would actually work as well as it is working. We never imagined that almost 10 month later we would have 1300 members, be getting ready for a Reunion, and be looking at a long and bright future.

This community is such an important space, not because we built it, but because all of YOU built it. I am amazed every day when I wake up and see another 10 members have come and joined this space. I am amazed when I see people reaching out across fences to connect. I am amazed that we are actually doing this. Together.

Im not asking you to be all woo-woo or make glittery kittens shoot from your nether-regions. I am asking you to remember the love. Remember how you felt or would have felt the first time someone said to you, "Hey, you're ok just the way you are!" or "Hey! I get it!"

Please join me in helping keep ThePlanet a healthy and welcoming space for everyone who is already here as well as those who find their way here. I beleive we have the most amazing community here and believe that we have the ability to affect change right here every day. So let's do that!

Thank you.
Admin

In case anyone doesn't actually want to read backwards. I think this bears revisiting often.

[Medusa]

bumpity bump :)

[Arwen]

Bumping for peace. These statements of Medusa are good to remember for how we treat ALL members of the Planet.

[AtLast]

Bumping for peace. These statements of Medusa are good to remember for how we treat ALL members of the Planet.


I second this!

Let's orbit with good communication!!

[Nat]

I ran across this today and thought it was advice I could use. :) So I thought I'd share.

"Disagreeing agreeably requires two behaviors up-front and one more as a refinement. The two required behaviors up-front are:

1. Acknowledge the other person's idea is valid.
2. Assert that your position is different. Not better, just different.

The refinement that helps you avoid a defensive reaction is to keep listening to their idea longer than you normally would. Ask questions. Be curious. Really hear them out.

If you can accept that the disagreement of others doesn't diminish your ideas, then you can afford to be patient and generous."

- Tom Henschel

[Linus]

I ran across this today and thought it was advice I could use. :) So I thought I'd share.

"Disagreeing agreeably requires two behaviors up-front and one more as a refinement. The two required behaviors up-front are:

1. Acknowledge the other person's idea is valid.
2. Assert that your position is different. Not better, just different.

The refinement that helps you avoid a defensive reaction is to keep listening to their idea longer than you normally would. Ask questions. Be curious. Really hear them out.

If you can accept that the disagreement of others doesn't diminish your ideas, then you can afford to be patient and generous."

- Tom Henschel

I think the 2nd point is an important one. I think we often confuse disagreement with someone trying to "look better" or make ourselves feel like we're inadequate or something like that.

Thanks for posting this, Nat.

[Medusa]

Bumpity Bump!

Hey folks -

Please read the first post in this thread! This is a thread centering around the request for our community to be super welcoming to newbies and also to lay down our defenses if someone appears to say something clumsy or that you feel offended by.

Many times, people are merely speaking from their place and they don't have the long history of language and definers that we all have with one another and I'd hate for someone to feel unwelcome for not phrasing something correctly or in the framework of "how we do things 'round here".

Let's all remember that this Planet is only as good as we make it and that our bubbles of experience here on the Planet are not "the" experience. We all come from different places and we can learn just as much from newbies as they can learn from us.

Thanks to you all who make this a welcoming and diverse place!

xo

[Arwen]

Bumpity Bump!

Hey folks -

Please read the first post in this thread! This is a thread centering around the request for our community to be super welcoming to newbies and also to lay down our defenses if someone appears to say something clumsy or that you feel offended by.

Many times, people are merely speaking from their place and they don't have the long history of language and definers that we all have with one another and I'd hate for someone to feel unwelcome for not phrasing something correctly or in the framework of "how we do things 'round here".

Let's all remember that this Planet is only as good as we make it and that our bubbles of experience here on the Planet are not "the" experience. We all come from different places and we can learn just as much from newbies as they can learn from us.

Thanks to you all who make this a welcoming and diverse place!

xo

Time to bump the donuts....

[AtLast]

Always a good reminder-

Bumpity Bump!

Hey folks -

Please read the first post in this thread! This is a thread centering around the request for our community to be super welcoming to newbies and also to lay down our defenses if someone appears to say something clumsy or that you feel offended by.

Many times, people are merely speaking from their place and they don't have the long history of language and definers that we all have with one another and I'd hate for someone to feel unwelcome for not phrasing something correctly or in the framework of "how we do things 'round here".

Let's all remember that this Planet is only as good as we make it and that our bubbles of experience here on the Planet are not "the" experience. We all come from different places and we can learn just as much from newbies as they can learn from us.

Thanks to you all who make this a welcoming and diverse place!

xo

[Arwen]

Hello all,

I wanted to take a minute to talk a little bit about the growth of our site and how you as a community member can help keep ThePlanet a warm and welcoming place.

We have a LOT of new members lately. Many of these new members are ALSO new to the Butch/Femme dynamic and many of them have never been a member of any kind of social internet community. Some of the new folks are trying to figure out if this community will fit their needs, how they identify, and where their desires are leading them.

I want to ask each of you to please understand that with the introduction of so many new folks on our website, that you might need to take some extra time to help a newbie understand what some of our terminology means or how to better navigate the myriad of ways that we all identify. Please be extra patient with folks who might be at the very beginning of their journey and try to remember where you were and how you felt when you were brand new to your identity or to the online world.

I also want to request that you take the time to *ask for and provide clarification* in conversations where someone may have inadvertently used an incorrect identifier for you or someone else or made an unglamorous or clumsy statement. Please stop and ask yourself if it is possible that the person might merely be new or if they might not yet have familiararity with your personal way of being.

Many of us have known each other online for 5 or even 10 years. Some of us for 12 or longer! I think that sometimes we forget that ThePlanet is bigger than our personal bubble of experience. That we need to embrace people who come to this community in search of family, friends, or fuckbuddies. That we need to welcome the diversity of new ideas, new experiences, and even new ways of identifying within the Butch/Femme dynamic and Trans communities.

There are a great number of younger people joining this site and even people from many different countries. We can learn just as much from them as they can learn from us and I hope that we all will remember that as the weeks and months spread out before us.

When Jack and I decided to go ahead and do this damn thing and started gathering people and ideas, we never imagined that ThePlanet would actually work as well as it is working. We never imagined that almost 10 month later we would have 1300 members, be getting ready for a Reunion, and be looking at a long and bright future.

This community is such an important space, not because we built it, but because all of YOU built it. I am amazed every day when I wake up and see another 10 members have come and joined this space. I am amazed when I see people reaching out across fences to connect. I am amazed that we are actually doing this. Together.

Im not asking you to be all woo-woo or make glittery kittens shoot from your nether-regions. I am asking you to remember the love. Remember how you felt or would have felt the first time someone said to you, "Hey, you're ok just the way you are!" or "Hey! I get it!"

Please join me in helping keep ThePlanet a healthy and welcoming space for everyone who is already here as well as those who find their way here. I beleive we have the most amazing community here and believe that we have the ability to affect change right here every day. So let's do that!

Thank you.
Admin


We proved in Little Rock that we can do this in real time. When you forget how to do it in cyber, read this again. Or, read this Reunion 2011 thread (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4012) to recall/learn what it means to be this way in face-to-face AND cyber. And read every word on every page. Love you. Me.

[Apocalipstic]

I wish there was a way to keep this thread and these reminders front and center!

[Medusa]

Bumpity Bump Bump!

[WolfyOne]

I happened to see Medusa bumped this thread just before I left for work this morning. I was hoping when I came back from work, I'd see some new posts here and read what was on the minds of others. Is there no one that hasn't posted in this thread interested in adding their 2 cents. I happen to think community is important. Especially for those of us that don't really have any around us where we live. Also, with the Reunion coming real soon, many of us will get a chance to see and meet those that have been posting in this community. Those that have voiced their opinions in many ways. Those that aren't as bold, but feel what they write in a post may help another. Those that post that may have different opinions than others. Just know, everyone that posts in threads matters to someone here, even if another comes and corrects you or asks you to explain yourself. We have such an awesome community here at The Planet and I for one, always look forward to reading what others write anytime I'm in any thread.

So, to the newbies and those that have been here awhile or forever, lol...please post, I want to read what you hagve to write.

[BullDog]

Well said Wolfy. I am very happy this thread has been bumped. I believe very strongly that new people should be welcomed and given the chance to get their sea legs.

We were all new once, and most people do not have a lot of real time butch femme community where they live. Those that do often find out about these communities or groups of friends from being on a site like this.

If someone seems harmful you can give a heads up to the owners and moderators. Otherwise why not just give people a chance and time to get the hang of things. Community is important for all of us.

[lusciouskiwi]

I've never seen this thread before so I'm glad Admins, Wolfy, BullDog and Arwen have bumped it.

I know for me I signed up and just sailed in, forgetting about cultural differences - I feel that sometimes there's an assumption that we all share the same cultural information. We don't. I don't. And, if a member doesn't seem particularly knowledgeable, it doesn't mean that they don't know anything.

Anyways, I'm happy to be here, made friends (I think - hope!). Certainly learnt some new stuff which is especially great living in a conservative country with inconsistent and hostile censorship regulations.