Are you OUT at work? [Archive] - Butch Femme Planet

Bard

09-17-2010, 11:07 AM

Yes I am adn excepted for the the most part even protected by the guys I work with :police: there is a person in the department who has a problem with it but that is her problem she really can not make waves and really the patrol devision is what matters.. Now in my othe job in the military as a medic in the USAFR I am not and it kills me slowly. one o the graduate students at the university did a profile documentary on me and the duality on my lfie as a cop and a medic but I am who I am and can not nor will not be anything else a study in the contrasts the cowboi, the cop, the airman, the mother the partner and friend
:cigar2:

Arwen

09-17-2010, 11:16 AM

Way way waaaaaaaaaaaay out. I make it a point to NOT hide because I certainly could.

The evil toddler Arwen gets a HUGE kick out of the reactions when the very slow finally catch up.

I had a co-worker (new on our team and at my last job) ask me, "But if you like mannish women, why don't you date women?"

You could see the guys on my team just cringe. They knew me. I'm blunt at times.

I smiled at him as I patted him gently on the leg. "Honey, my dates can buy the size I like."

I left it at that. The look when he got my meaning was PRICELESS. The others on my team harassed him unmercifully. He took it well though. Good kid. I don't think he expected this feminine, older woman (who he said reminded him of his MOM) to be queer.

Where I work now includes transgender in their anti-discrimination policy. At least two managers are openly gay and there are about five of us in the call center. Sadly, I've just learned that my company donated to the Tea Party. I'm going to write a letter and ask why they would support hate.

scootebaby

09-17-2010, 11:28 AM

yes i am,and have been for a very long time...regardless where i work...all my employees know and have met Jo and know she is my girlfriend/partner....my coworkers at the other stores know and have also met JO...some of my customers know even...i dont broadcast it nor do i hide it...if asked i tell.....even my son doesnt hide the fact...he usually tells his friends before i ever meet them...he says if they have an issue with it he doesnt need them as friends

DamonK

09-17-2010, 12:20 PM

Most of my coworkers know.

I don't hide it; I don't advertise it. I out myself half the time just by my looks.

A select few know my trans status, but they don't get it. I'm still called my bio-name and still referred to as she.

Whereas I don't like it, the way I see it is that I'm at work to work, not make friends. The ones that count call me he and Damon.

My residents, however, do NOT know. Like I said, I don't advertise it and my coworkers respect me enough to not advertise it either. If they do know, it's not from staff.

Apocalipstic

09-17-2010, 01:33 PM

Though I live in tge South, I am very out and we hold hands wherever we go!

I think it is important to be out and stand PROUD!

Strappie

09-17-2010, 01:37 PM

OUT.... and .... PROUD....

All my co-workers know, we have same sex beny's too!!

bright_arrow

09-17-2010, 01:48 PM

Always been out :) Don't advertise, but I won't beat around the bush if it comes up

dreadgeek

09-17-2010, 02:24 PM

Yes. I'm very out at work. My entire department has met my wife and a number of my co-workers were at our nuptials. Even my very conservative Christian co-worker calls my wife, well, my wife.

I got some grief when I first started there led, ironically, by a closet case but at the end of the day, the harassers are gone, I'm still there and I earned the respect of my co-workers for how I handled myself while it was going on.

:)

Cheers
Aj

Gayla

09-17-2010, 02:35 PM

I don't think I'm ever "in" so coming out really isn't an issue.

It's not really anything I ever think about or am really concerned about, it's just something that is. I work from the assumption that everyone knows and it's a non-issue.

There are a couple of other agents in my office that may have a problem with it but no one has ever said anything to me. As far as clients, it's not something I beat them over the head with but it's not something I hide. Clients have a choice to work with me or not, and I have a choice to work with them or not. I think if it's an issue, they just move on to someone else. On the other side of that, I wouldn't really know if my clients have issues or not because we don't talk politics, gay rights, religion, etc. It's not like I only sell gay houses or only sell houses to gays.

As I said to someone a few weeks ago, I'm a flag waving liberal in an industry of people who are, well.. who are not flag waving liberals. If I choose who to work with based on their political beliefs, I probably wouldn't have much business. This goes not just for clients but all of the other people who I interact with on a daily basis to complete transactions. Again, I don't walk around waving my rainbow flag all day every day but it's not something I hide.

Apocalipstic

09-17-2010, 02:43 PM

I purposefully chose an industry where my sexual orientation would never be a problem. I thought about teaching, but was afraid that here in TN people would show up with pitchforks to burn down my house.

Waldo

09-17-2010, 03:09 PM

Would be hard for me to be closeted at work, but I live openly and refer to my girlfriend in context.

morningstar55

09-17-2010, 03:09 PM

i have heard this happening.... there are sometimes it seems in a work place another woman will have a problem with it......
and then you hear , something to the effect of hoping you wont try anything with her.... and then you make it known she is NOT your type and she has Nothing you want...... then the woman gets offended with a huge ? mark.... LOL
ok did this story sound right ?? lol its something i have experienced and know a few others that had something like this happen.

Isadora

09-17-2010, 03:14 PM

Old story: My mother asks me why I date women that look like men? Me: Because they last longer. Mom, with puzzled look that moved to understanding: Very Good Reason.

heh.

Way way waaaaaaaaaaaay out. I make it a point to NOT hide because I certainly could.

The evil toddler Arwen gets a HUGE kick out of the reactions when the very slow finally catch up.

I had a co-worker (new on our team and at my last job) ask me, "But if you like mannish women, why don't you date women?"

You could see the guys on my team just cringe. They knew me. I'm blunt at times.

I smiled at him as I patted him gently on the leg. "Honey, my dates can buy the size I like."

I left it at that. The look when he got my meaning was PRICELESS. The others on my team harassed him unmercifully. He took it well though. Good kid. I don't think he expected this feminine, older woman (who he said reminded him of his MOM) to be queer.

Where I work now includes transgender in their anti-discrimination policy. At least two managers are openly gay and there are about five of us in the call center. Sadly, I've just learned that my company donated to the Tea Party. I'm going to write a letter and ask why they would support hate.

ruthie14

09-17-2010, 03:15 PM

Not out at work. I am a nursery school teacher and people sometimes get wierded out when your job involves children. The only people at work that know is one teacher who was my friend before I worked there and my only set of lesbian parents. Wish I could..but you can still lose your job in NJ for being gay. Wouldn't be a safe move.

MysticOceansFL

09-17-2010, 03:17 PM

Does it really matter if your out at work , How you perform your job and get along with others isnt based on your lifestyle now is it ?

lipstixgal

09-17-2010, 03:21 PM

Does it really matter if your out at work , How you perform your job and get along with others isnt based on your lifestyle now is it ?

So true so true well said I don't think I will come out at work when I get a job that is if there are any jobs!!

Chancie

09-17-2010, 03:25 PM

Oh G-d no I wasn't out at school either only in the gay and lesbian group did I come out. It was very homophobic and since I live very close to NYC you would think otherwise but I think that the population that was there(mostly hispanic and black) it was a cultural thing, everyone was either with a boyfriend or pregnant!! As for teh internship I don't think so I would like to be though but I don't think so..:(

I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

Did you mean that because your classmates are hispanic and black, everyone had a boyfriend or was pregnant?

bright_arrow

09-17-2010, 03:28 PM

The only female co-worker I have ever known to have a problem with it was because she saw me as 'competition', apparently. Yes, for another female's attention.

Seriously? Seriously.

Everyone at my prior job knows of my girlfriend, many have seen her with me and/or met her as well.

I won't put it in your face, but I will mention my girlfriend as such.

bright_arrow

09-17-2010, 03:33 PM

I want to make sure I understand what you are saying.

Did you mean that because your classmates are hispanic and black, everyone had a boyfriend or was pregnant?

I read it as the people she was around were homophobic because they were other cultures and therefore different cultures from her? I took the next part of the sentence as an observation - the other females either had a boyfriend, or were pregnant - therefore not a lesbian.

Apocalipstic

09-17-2010, 03:36 PM

Does it really matter if your out at work , How you perform your job and get along with others isnt based on your lifestyle now is it ?

I think it does matter.

It matters to us that we don't have to lie about our lives or live closed off. It is not healthy.

It matters to the Community, that there are role models of Queer professionals they can look up to.

It matters politically that we have an OUT voice and are counted as constituency when laws are suggested.

We would not have the rights we have today if the Gay/Lesbian/Queer people who came ahead of us had not come out.

I could cite many more reasons.....

I think it is of utmost importance.

pajama

09-17-2010, 04:07 PM

Well considering most of my co-workers are on my FB. I would say that's a big ole yes. Especially after the Reunion pictures. bwahahahahahahaha

JustJo

09-17-2010, 04:22 PM

I work remotely from home and my colleagues know me via phone and email...plus one company-wide meeting a year. I know virtually nothing about most of my co-workers and they know virtually nothing about me.

As far as my closest work buddies (like my work partner, who describes himself as a fruit)....yes, I'm out. My work partner's statement when he saw a pic of Scoote... "ooooohhhh she's all cute and butch and stuff."

My company includes full same-sex partner benefits and includes "sexual and gender orientation" in their non-discrimination policy. I only ever heard of one person giving gay colleagues a difficult time. He was fired. :)

JustJo

09-17-2010, 04:24 PM

princessbelle

09-17-2010, 04:49 PM

ravfem

09-17-2010, 04:54 PM

my first "adult" job was working admin for a very conservative doctor (he was a Bob Jones man, for those of you who know BJU). i came out within my first month of being there, and brought my (then) gf to the holiday get-togethers. During my time there, BJU was asking the city for public tax money to remodel their art museum, and i was one of a handful who were openly protesting it.

At the county council meeting regarding it, the local news station got me speaking about it. The next day at work, he told me he had seen me on tv, and thought i was very articulate. i took that as a huge compliment! i worked for him for 4 years before moving away from the city for a year. When i ran into him at the grocery store not long after moving back, he asked me on the spot to come back to work for him.

i was out at every job after that. The hardest was when i was with my TG ex. It was before he'd started medically transitioning, but was already referred to as "he". That took my co-workers & boss a while to grasp - that i was a lesbian with a "woman" who wanted to be a man. But they were good sports and he was always included in office get-togethers.

Personally, for me, it *does* matter to be as out as possible, though i completely understand that not everyone feels comfortable or safe coming out.

Kobi

09-17-2010, 05:25 PM

I have never hidden who I was in the workplace. I have always referred to my partners by name and used the term partner without even a second thought. I have brought partners to company events and they were readily accepted and welcomed.

For me, being a lesbian is just a part of the person I am. It doesnt define who I am or what I am about as a person in and of itself. And, I have never encountered a negative response, so it never occurs to me to hide it. It also never occurs to me to make a big deal out of it i.e. I dont ever remember having a coming out to someone talk. I just live my life.

I'm blessed to live in an such an accepting area with such super coworkers.

TIMBERWOLF

09-17-2010, 07:47 PM

Yes Im out to my staff and company. Thats one of the reason i got hired. My Office Manager is gay and he wanted a gay person to work for him. Most of our company is gay. As far as patients , no and if they ask we explain to them that they aren't there to wonder about sexual orientation but to receive treatment. Im sure that the gentlemen would have a problem with him when he is handling their testicles or the females with me as im in their inguinal lymphnodes or moving their breast out of the way to get to their axillary lymphnodes.
WT is out at her work and she gets same partner benefits as I was on her insurance until i got my own.
TIMBER

dixie

09-17-2010, 07:49 PM

I am very much out at work. Luckily, I have the most awesome bosses and co-workers. Everyone is very open and understanding. In my line of work tolerance and open-mindedness is the only way to do this job, so it just seems natural that the folks I come in contact with have no issues. My boss is also very proud of her bi sexuality, but has not been in the community as much. Therefore, since I am the "token queer girl" (a joke between me and the boss) and have a few more connections in the community, I have become the transitioning liason. I work with folks who are interested in beginning the transitioning process by connecting them with outside resources such as support groups (other than the one we have here), counselors and therapists, and other doctors/surgeons and such. I am very out and proud in all other areas of my life, so I am very happy that I am able to include my workplace in this as well. :)

Laerkin

09-17-2010, 08:12 PM

For me, it's a matter of visibility.

My company does not offer gay benefits of any kind, so in our continuing fight for equality it's very important that some of us prove being "out" at work does not impact anything at all. In fact, we are proving that those of us within the LGBT community at the office are quite valuable.

I am out, but I don't loudly advertise. I talk about Pride in June, I talk about my ex Michelle from time to time and I talk about the adventures SB and I are constantly going on. I have pictures of all of my friends in frames on my desk (and a large proportion are same-sex couples). But there is no agenda, there are no rainbows, there are no obnoxious conversations. I am incredibly respectful.

The VP of Human Resources has met with me on several occasions for various gay-related issues and she is constantly encouraging me to be myself, to share my life in the same way everyone else shares their lives, to have gentle and honest dialog because that's the only way progress will happen. The people around me need to know I'm gay before they'll start supporting gay initiatives and gay equality because they won't realize the impact their silence will have on someone they care about if they don't know the person next to them is gay.

I am on the LGBT Equality Committee at work. Upper management is constantly trying to shut us down, discourage our work, silence us through small, irritating little gestures.

So yes, being out at work is very important. The only way the company is going to offer gay benefits and give the LGBT employees equal pay is if we make ourselves known, if we walk the halls without shame, if we make it clear to people that we are vital, valuable, reliable, responsible, smart employees regardless of our lifestyle and that we deserve to be treated fairly.

I will not go silently or let them treat me unfairly without a fight. It's a good company that's done amazing things for me, but that doesn't mean they don't have room for improvement and this is something I will fight for. If I don't fight, who will?

The LGBT Committee regularly submits proposals and budget plans for extending gay benefits, meets with HR on issues and visibility, we encourage people to join the list (both gay and straight) to maintain communication about the latest events and developments in each of our offices...it's frustrating, irritating, disheartening and very very necessary.

I do not expect special treatment, but I do expect fair treatment and equal pay and compensation for the work I do especially because I'm in management and work my ass off for them.

So yes - performance is important, but every single one of us are excellent performers at work (most of us are in management in some form or another) and being out is imperative if we are going to ensure that future generations at the company have a shot at fair and equal treatment.

Does it really matter if your out at work , How you perform your job and get along with others isnt based on your lifestyle now is it ?

Rockinonahigh

09-17-2010, 10:20 PM

Over the years I mostly was self employed or worked for othe ppl in the equine work force,for the most part my sexuality never has been an issue to any one.I dont flaunt it but dont deny it either..but with me being as big as I am and walking like a tank its hard to not know im queer.The only time I ever had a problem was when I worked for one of the casinos hear with my boss harrasing me about it so bad I had to quit to get away from it and him..yes I reported it but as there were no whitnesses who would tell it like it was for fear of there jobs, hr called it hear say.When I was in college in my last semester I had a big prob with a instructor giveing me hell about it but as I only had the rest of the quarter to do I sucked it up...no I didnt like doing that but I did it to get out with my diploma and be gone.

dreadgeek

09-22-2010, 12:59 PM

Does it really matter if your out at work , How you perform your job and get along with others isnt based on your lifestyle now is it ?

Yes, it matters. It matters because being 'out' at work can be accomplished with one simple sentence "This weekend my wife and I just puttered about the house..." At that moment, I am out. Even if I just changed the word 'wife' to 'girlfriend' or 'partner' I would STILL be out. Now, I suppose I could just not talk about my personal life at all with my co-workers and pretend to not exist when I'm not here. But why on Earth would I do that? Why SHOULD I have to do that? If I put a picture of my wife on my desk then I've outted myself. If I say "I love you" when I get off the phone with her, I've outted myself the moment I say who I was speaking with. I refuse to pretend that the woman I love with a depth I did not know I was still capable of is my roommate or some casual acquaintance. She is too important to me for me to do that since I do not HAVE to in order to be economically viable.

My heterosexual coworkers are constantly on about what they did with their husband or wives, or what the kids were doing, or the new person they are dating. Haven't they just stated that they are heterosexual by talking about the road trip to the coast they took with their husband? Why should it be that if I were heterosexual and talked about my husband I would NOT be putting something about my 'lifestyle' out there but if I'm talking about my wife I *am* talking about my 'lifestyle'. I reject that construction out of hand because I do not think that the word 'lifestyle' is appropriate when talking about being queer.

My lifestyle is that of an urban, upper middle-class, professional in middle-age. My being a lesbian is not a 'lifestyle' in much the same way that my being a woman or black isn't a 'lifestyle'.

Cheers
Aj

Rockinonahigh

09-22-2010, 01:14 PM

Im not shure how things will go with my new pt job..but im just going to go and do my job,pick up my check on payday.They can think what they like or not,im not advertiseing or denying a thing.I wear a gay pride ring and u can bet this old butch wont be wearing makeup or girlie things to work.This job is in a catholic hospital thats local..im not shure what to make of that so I will cross that bridge when I get to it.Its a desk job in the records office.

christie

09-22-2010, 02:03 PM

Like Jen, I think its important to be out at work. It matters to me that I live an authentic life. It matters to me that I believe that to change some of the negative stereotypes, I have to be out.

So yes, I am out at work. Not an easy feat considering the ownership are conservative, white males. However, I am fortunate in that we have established not just a mutually-respectful professional relationship, but also a friendship.

We have had many conversations about equal rights and I have been able to give a more personal perspective to the issue - so much so that Jack has changed his position on marriage equality and is supportive. Its really enheartening when we facilitate that process and it couldn't have been possible if I hadn't been out.

Being a small business with less than 100 employees, we are unable to offer domestic partner benefits, but Jack has stated that the moment its possible, I'm to sign us up!

Given my position of Director of Operations, which encompasses HR, I haven't had a single issue with my managing team nor with the rest of the staff. I am also involved in a new partnership venture with another local company and am also out to these folks. Once the ownership of the other company knew, they shared that they have two gay children and just that commonality eased some of the "get to know you" jitters.

Jess has attended work-related functions with me and I can't tell you how many times a week I am stopped and its not, "Hey Christie - how you doin'?" but rather, "Hey - How's "MY" Jess doin'??" LOL I think they like Jess better than me!!

sweetbutch26

09-22-2010, 02:44 PM

i'm out everywhere. it's kind of hard to miss that i am lez. i wear pride rings and necklaces. i'm proud of who i am

chefhottie25

09-22-2010, 02:50 PM

I am out at work...and I work with all straight guys. I have no problems. The guys also try to include my thoughts and opinions on the conversations about women. It's like I am just another guy to them. I really am happy and grateful about that. I am also aware that kitchens are not like other work places...i don't know if I would be so openly gay in a more professional enviroment.

rainintothesea

10-11-2010, 12:51 PM

I am also out at work, and I agree that it's extremely important... but I do understand that it's sadly just not possible for some people and some working environments. My company is extremely liberal, donated money to fight Prop 8 and includes both sexual orientation and gender expression in its nondiscrimination policy.

Even though I've never made it a secret, occasionally I am surprised to learn that a coworker has worked alongside me for two years and had no idea. Some of my friends joke that I'm a "stealth lesbian," even though I wear little rainbow ring earrings every day... so I recently had thin rainbow bands tattooed around my left wrist, also, of which I am very fond. I'd like to say it helps me be more visible, but I guess that remains to be seen (accidental play on words, but I'm keeping it)! A continuing source of frustration for me is my seeming invisibility sometimes... it's difficult to let all these wonderful butches know I'm here. :)

The_Lady_Snow

10-11-2010, 12:59 PM

“Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight.” Harvey Milk

I am Queer everywhere I go.

Cowboi

10-11-2010, 01:05 PM

I am out at work. For the most part I don't have any trouble. My OR Manager doesn't care for me. I have never had any problems till I started to work at the hospital I am at now.

I just do my job, don't talk about my private life. I do have some good friends there.

dark_crystal

10-11-2010, 01:10 PM

out at work since day one! Two hours into my first day the other librarians took me to lunch- the very second our waiter left with our drink orders, out came THE QUESTION:

"so, are you married?" :spruceup:

DOH! Do i lie and say yes, or lie and say no? i decided to say "i am engaged but i can't get married because it's illegal here"

Greyson

10-11-2010, 01:18 PM

Yes, I am out at work and everywhere. I just got back home from the BV conference in West Hollywood this past weekend. The topic of "visibility" came up during the "Many Faces of Butch" panel presentation.

It occurred to me that many of us limit visibility to outward appearance. Are you passing or not passing? I think visibility goes to who we see ourselves to be, how do we give that self identity expression and do we invite or participate in educating others? One can be "out" without looking like a stereotype of what it means to be Queer.

Another thing that came to my attention is how important it can be to some of our elders, the ones that came before us and took risks busting down the doors. They see much of this "moving forward" in our community as an attempt to blend in and lose our history, herstory, power. This gives me something to think about. I will not forget. Without the first and second wave of Feminism I do not believe my world as a Transmasculine Butch/Transman would be possible.

Lynn

10-11-2010, 01:48 PM

My co-workers who have taken the time to know me at all, also know about my partner and our life together. I refuse to speak in generalizations or change the gender when I'm talking about what's going on. I do not discuss my life with my clients, though, and some of the nosier ones are under the assumption that I'm engaged to a man. These are senior citizen counseling clients, and there is no good reason to get that personal with them.

While I am out and open, I do feel that my life is personal. Not everyone cares about me or supports me, so I do try to be aware of who I let in. If you know me on Facebook, though, you had better be prepared for some educating.

Sparkle

10-11-2010, 02:12 PM

Yes. I've been out in every job I've held (bar one) since I was 19.
It was unsafe for me to be out at that one particular job; but I felt incredibly disingenuous none the less.

I feel strongly that I do not wish to work for anyone who is homophobic.
I get the outting out-of-the-way early by citing the work I did with Stonewall Lobby Group and other local queer non-profits on my curriculum vitae.

But I rarely out myself to my "clients"; if I am talking (with them) about myself/my personal life I am not doing my job well.

Rockinonahigh

10-11-2010, 02:34 PM

Well beign as I started a new job a couple of weeks ago...so far nothing has been said about my queerness.Really they cant miss it,big pride ring on,wear mens clothes,deep voice ect.I work in a religious hospital so im waiting for it to come up but its not anyones buisness about my sexuality.U cn bet I wont deny it if it dose.

Julie

10-11-2010, 02:47 PM

I am out at work
I am out at home
I am out at my children's school (from nursery to college)

The only time I have been told I could not be out with work - was when I was invited to Afghanistan. I can handle that. There are other countries in which I will travel to (third world) that I will not be out. I would face imprisonment or death.

Rope

10-11-2010, 04:51 PM

Yes, I am out at work--and there are other queers there as well as one hottie femme <g>. Kinda hard to look like me and not be assumed to be a butch dyke. Also, I have the luxury of being out--I live in the San Francisco area, and there are lots of us here. I've always been out.

I don't so much see that we're trying to blend in by hiding what we look like but blend in so that people think we deserve Gay marriage. Not my words, the words of those 10 and 20 years younger than me. I think that many queers face discrimination so best to fly under the radar, not draw attention their way and I totally get that. You've got to do what's safe.

My roots are in counter culture, so fitting in and being the "norm" never occurred to me or seemed fun.

Rope--

Corkey

10-11-2010, 05:20 PM

I've been out every where I've worked but one, the AF. This was before DADT when one could either not join or join and keep ones mouth shut. I was always obvious, but no one ever messed with me. At my MOS I wore a weapon, they knew better.

Isadora

10-11-2010, 05:21 PM

Yes, everywhere.

turasultana

10-11-2010, 05:36 PM

everyone i work with closely knows. if it comes up in any way with those i more casually associate with or on different teams i have no problem letting them know.

Once I'm staff instead of contract (next week) I'll be joining the LGBT group at our office. The company has domestic partnership benefits and a diversity policy that specifically calls out gay/lesbian/trans folk in terms of equal treatment/non discrimination etc. But it's a very large corporation so it kind of has to have those policies in place.

oblivia

10-11-2010, 08:59 PM

I'm out at work... always have been. I just keep it basic. When I start a new job, I just put photos of me and my family up in my cubicle or whatever like anyone else would. I let people ask questions if they choose. I don't make a big deal out of it and I think because of that, others don't make a big deal out of it either (usually). ;)

WhiteTigress

10-11-2010, 09:20 PM

As Timber said, I'm out at work.

I am a medical secretary, and I work for 3-4 physicians, and with a nursing staff of 11. They all know. It's not an issue. They've all met Timber, and like hir.

I don't normally out myself to patients, with the exception of when I'm working with lesbian couples. We do infertility work, and often a woman comes in with her "friend". When we are doing their paperwork for treatment, and I'm helping them with notarized documents, I let them know that I'm family in a subtle way, when it's really clear to me that they are a couple. I tell them that I hate that they have to sign documents that say they are a single woman, because our state won't acknowledge same sex couples as having rights to have children together. When they relax, I let them know that I'm family, too. It so often opens them up, and lets them feel more comfortable and reassured that they won't be judged in a negative way. I always wish them luck before I go. Sometimes they see me again, while in the office once they are pregnant. It's always special to me, when they take a moment to thank me. It's nothing that I do, but make them feel as at home as any other patient or couple. They have a right to a family, too.

WT

P.S. A couple of months ago, I was talking with a few of my nurses, and said something about being engaged. One of them said, "You can't be engaged. You can't get married." I told her, "Marriage is a ceremony to join two spirits, therefore, not only can I be engaged, I can get married. The government just won't recognize it." Others around looked at her and laughed at her for not thinking that far ahead. They had to agree with me.

Venus007

10-11-2010, 11:26 PM

It hurts my heart to say I am not out at work. I am an educator and I live in a very conservative state and my boss, my boss's boss, and my boss's boss's boss are all religious zealots (and not the groovy kind).

I do not discuss my personal life with my coworkers because I don't want to lie to them. I have told a couple of people who I am friends with and they understand the need for discretion. I hate that I have to be closeted, I mean really hate it. I am just biding my time until I complete my master's degree and can find a job somewhere that it will be if not celebrated than at least ignored.
Cold comfort that.

Laerkin

10-12-2010, 04:24 AM

A dear friend of mine is a gay male and he's a teacher at an elementary school. He is out with his coworkers and staff and they are very supportive because he's a great teacher and the kids love him. I think he's out with a few of the parents, but not all. It still impresses me since this is in Virginia.

I know you'll find a place that welcomes you completely! Don't lose hope! :)

It hurts my heart to say I am not out at work. I am an educator and I live in a very conservative state and my boss, my boss's boss, and my boss's boss's boss are all religious zealots (and not the groovy kind).

I do not discuss my personal life with my coworkers because I don't want to lie to them. I have told a couple of people who I am friends with and they understand the need for discretion. I hate that I have to be closeted, I mean really hate it. I am just biding my time until I complete my master's degree and can find a job somewhere that it will be if not celebrated than at least ignored.
Cold comfort that.

lipstixgal

10-12-2010, 06:15 AM

Sadly I'm not out at work its an internship so I don't want to influence them in any way. But it is great that everyone else can be. Maybe when I get a full time position some place then I will come out!!

LipstickLola

10-12-2010, 10:46 AM

I was "outed" at work, once the bruhaha died down, it was all good.
I'm pretty private, but ultimately all of my worlds collided.

Leigh

10-12-2010, 12:22 PM

I've never really been out at work, but now with starting My new job tomorrow and beginning My transition this friday I'll have to be out atleast somewhat since I'll be going through My changes as I work

sweetfemme247

10-12-2010, 12:23 PM

I am not out at work because alot of people judge me there already

chefhmboyrd

10-12-2010, 12:39 PM

i was out at work before my transition and during.........
my company has a very comprehnsive diversity policy, covering sexual preference and gender identity.
there are a few people who were initially uncomfortable with my transition. i guess it was ok for me to be a big dyke, but when i became a man, it was a bit of an adjustment for them.
all in all, it as been a very positive experience.
i have even been promoted to management since i transitioned.
i love my job.
@

Ebon

10-12-2010, 01:34 PM

I'm always out at work. I don't see any reason not to be. I mean I don't go flying a rainbow flag around or anything but if some nosey old lady asks me if I'm married or if I have a boyfriend I say no I am the boyfriend or I'm a homo I like women. There is no need for both of us to be uncomfortable, it might as well be her.

Cyclopea

10-13-2010, 09:12 AM

Yes I have always been out at every job since I was 14 years old, even though I have worked in some awfully homophobic and sexist environments. It can be very tiring answering the questions of the sheltered and confused, and I admit in recent years my tolerance for educating folks has waxed and waned. Recently I am just as likely to say "Google it" as provide a diplomatic answer. After 30 years I'm tired of being a 24/7 diplomat for the gay community.

My physical appearance does not allow me the option to pass as heterosexual since I am read as "butch dyke". Heterosexuals I've known who "read" as gay are quick to mention their opposite sex partners in casual conversation so I guess if I wanted to create a fictional life I could try it. That might be fun! :lol2:

I know someone who invented a fictional baby so she could call out from work when she wanted because "the baby is sick". I always thought that was shocking- I guess because I tend to cultivate friendships among coworkers and don't want to lie to them.

I do think it's important for gays and lesbians to be out to everyone and feel that is what- more than any formal activism- has transformed broad public opinion in our favor. But it is tiring.
:rainbowAfro:

DomnNC

10-19-2010, 11:20 PM

I've been out at every job except one and that being the US Army, back then there was no such thing as DADT, you told and you were dishonorbly discharged.

I've been out most of my life to my family. I've always been out to my clients as well (I own my own business).

If there was anyone in this town who didn't know prior to Nov 2007 they sure as hell know now. My wife passed away Nov 26, 2007, we were together nearly 17 years. I was listed as the surviving spouse and my parents were listed as her surviving "parents" as well in the small local paper as well as the larger paper of the big city we lived in. I was expecting some backlash perhaps at the funeral home because this is a small town but they were as gracious, accomadating and sympathetic as they come. They treated me and my wife with dignity. My clients sent flowers, a lot of them also attended her funeral as well. They were all great during this difficult time and they all saw that yes, we can have meaningful relationships and marriages as well.

My parents and my siblings were awesome as was the rest of my large family. All my brothers were pallbearers as they loved her very much. My parents flanked me on each side and held my hands as I was led down the aisle at the start of the service. The service itself was led by a femme lesbian minister. It was beautiful, loving and portrayed her as the deeply loved and lovely woman she was.

I wanted my family, my clients and anyone who wanted to be there to see that yes we exist, that yes we love, that yes we grieve and yes, our families are just like any other family.

Miss Scarlett

10-20-2010, 04:39 AM

Have I gone as far as telling my current boss outright? No. I have a lovely string of rainbow crystals hanging from the mirror in my car and my "Pride Charlotte" sticker is in my rear window. The last time she rode in my car she closely examined those crystals and made no comment. We don't talk about our personal lives which, after my last boss Ms. TMI, is just fine with me. If she asks I will answer her truthfully. But I doubt that will ever happen. My boss is a lady who would never dream of poking around in my personal business. Not that it would matter to her anyway. There is a very out and proud attorney in town who happens to be gay and lives across the street from my boss. They are very close friends. She also used to work with an attorney who happened to be a lesbian.

I was out at my last job and it caused no problems. In fact she may have been a bad boss but she is a staunch supporter of the LGBT community and allowed me to work on things for Pride (and the half dozen other LGBT groups I was associated with) during my hours and use company resources like the copier.

The job prior to that - no way. In fact it was at that job where I knew I would be fired. But it was while I was working at this job when I became involved with Pride and several other LGBT groups. I knew that I ran a risk because the high visibility of some of the projects meant I would be in the mainstream media from time to time and really didn't care. If it cost me my job then so be it. (It has nothing to do with my job performance.) And it was while I was working here and taking this risk that my Mom told me that she and my Dad were proud of me - the first time I heard this from them in 47 years. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

sylvie

10-21-2010, 07:10 AM

yes, i am out at work and in all aspects of my life..there are people at work who might not know, but that is probably due to the fact they don't know me much.. my friends there talk about it openly when i'm around and are comfortable with doing so..

i work with a cousin, my stepmother, an aunt and a few close friends.. so people know usually through them, especially my cousin, she loves gossip and feeding a good story to all, "hey, did you know..." lol.. if they ask me, i'd gladly tell them .. but of course no one really asks..

i've only had to tell a few - the word spreads around via them, or my cousin probably, lol. i have worked in some really homophobic environments in the past, so happy that my current job isn't like that at all.. although there are a few who don't like it, they just don't voice it but it's obvious in their actions...

diamondrose

10-21-2010, 07:27 AM

At work, I don't put my buisness on the streets, but I also don't hide who I am. Also, at my job, there is not a lack of "family" and never has been. Overall, I do love to socialize and chatter my gums, but I keep to myself when it comes to my private life and others. I don't put myself out or into someone else's personal matters.

JustJo

10-21-2010, 09:12 AM

I was on my enrollment information conference call about next year's benefits yesterday...more than 100 of us listening to the HR director.

She said...before we begin, I want to reiterate that if I slip and say "spouse" that also means "domestic partner"...so mostly I'm just gonna' try to say "your honey"...we all good with that?

Ever heard 100 voices all agree at once? :)

My company offers full and equal benefits to "my honey" and her son. Not only that, but she can earn the same incentives I can...which means they'll pay "my honey" $100 a month for using the free gym membership that they provide to both of us. Guess they want "my honey" to be healthy too. That's just how we roll. :hangloose:

Did I mention I love my company? So much for tales of corporate evil...

oboejive

05-27-2011, 03:17 PM

I work for Fedex and have been for almost 2 years. While it has its annoying moments, the people I work with are awesome and trustworthy. All of them known I'm gay, and I even came out to my HR person (well....that's kind of a story in of itself). When I moved in with my partner, I was surprised to see that Fedex offers benefits to Domestic Partners. I think that it's awesome that they are open to diversity.

nekohl

05-27-2011, 04:21 PM

I was out at work before I even started working there. I took my father's place when he retired and so everyone knew from him.
I'm treated as one of the guys/little sister by the guys. This means I am subjected to more burps and farts than I exactly care fore. :)

Other than that, my guys are cool. They don't get all pervy and ask about bedroom details. And the president of the company has made it clear that I am always welcome to bring a 'significant other' to company functions.

I have noticed that a couple of the girls in the back office get a little flirty with me even though they are married to men. I guess they think that since I'm a lesbian I would be into them? Lol I don't think they get that I'm not into girls who share their nail polish and make up tips with me. :D

Abigail Crabby

05-27-2011, 04:46 PM

No one ever concludes I'm Queer unless I bring up the subject. Being taken for a straight woman is a curse to me, so I tend to speak up when it's assumed I'm the *little* woman and they ask about my husband.

My company is very progressive and offers domestic partnership health care, although the US doesn't allow it to be tax free as mine is, I'm happy that I've been able on ocassion cover my parter when I was partnered.

Been out in every job I've had since I first stepped outta dat closet.

Jar

05-27-2011, 05:22 PM

I'm not sure I couldn't be

msW8ing

05-27-2011, 05:25 PM

Being a 5'10" Amazon Femme with gay pride tattoos. I couldn't hide it. Not that I've ever wanted too. I'm out to everyone that spends more than 5 minutes talking to me. lol

starryeyes

05-27-2011, 05:26 PM

Yep, 100%.... I work in a field that is full of us, though... so it isn't that difficult.

:aslpeacelove:
Starry

BlindProfit

05-27-2011, 05:29 PM

there is still discrimination in my work place, so no one knows. I don't talk about my private life at all at work, so I don't know if anyone would know even if there was no discrimination. It doesn't really bother me, it doesn't change who I am, so I haven't really given it much thought. But I am single, so perhaps if I had a partner, I would want the benefits to cover them as well, and maybe then it would be an issue for me.

Reader

05-27-2011, 06:22 PM

A funny thing happened earlier in the week. My boss emailed me to ask if I knew someone she was with at a business conference out of state for the company. It turned out that the woman she asked me about and I had, in fact, worked on another project together.

When I asked my boss why she was asking I was shocked that she said she was thinking that maybe I would be interested in dating this other woman.

I thought it was sweet, but also a bit odd to have my boss trying to be a match-maker for me!

princessbelle

05-27-2011, 06:34 PM

I am out more than I thought I would ever be at work. It's not common knowledge but I have told a few people that are close and then there are also some gay people there that are out and they know as well.

I don't discuss it for just any old reason. But, if someone is trying to fix me up (rme) as in wanting me to meet their brother for the 5th time (rme again) I finally just tell them so I can get on with things and try and hang out with the few that know my sexual preference without all that stuff.

My boss also knows because i felt that was important in case i am someday in a relationship and my partner or their family get sick/die etc.

I have been totally accepted by it all at least to my face. It makes me more comfortable and i'm glad i've at least told the few that I have.

Wrote this back in Sept last year. It's fun to go back and see past posts and see the amount of progress or changes we make in life isn't it?

Many at work know i'm gay now. I have found my company is very accepting however i am still somewhat careful with whom i tell. Mostly because it is no one's buisness unless "i" feel like it is.

Snacktime has met my boss, the office secretary and as a matter of fact also met my company's pastor (hospice clergy). They were very accepting and treated him with respect and ask about him from time to time and stuff.

It feels good to be accepted. It feels good to not hide. Now, just gotta work on the rest of the world.... *smiles.

Red Dirt Girl

08-09-2011, 07:17 PM

Definately out. On the LGBTQRST advisory committee and we actually have "Gay Day" there! And it's not a queer organization. They just embrace the gays.

Strappie

08-09-2011, 08:01 PM

I couldn't be more out at work...

The owner of our company, 2 sales people, and 3 warehouse people are gay out of 17 ppl. We have same sex beny's. Any work gathering we are all asked to invite our "partners/significant other" In fact the other owner is str8 he supports us and marches in Pride every year.

I couldn't be happier at a job!!

Softly

08-09-2011, 08:17 PM

No

I came out to one girl, she surprisingly told me she had feelings for women. She left the company few months ago.

I haven't had to come out, or reason to.
I don't feel comfortable enough in my office to speak openly about it just randomly.

At my previous job, over a year ago, I was open, pictures all over. Its just a different environment and set of people.

I saw a woman with pride stickers on her car. I just feel warm inside knowing she's there.

Jessica

08-09-2011, 08:30 PM

I am out at work. I don't hide it at all. There are a few of us at my job. We joke around with the straight people to watch out cause the rainbow attacks. Its nice to work with people who don't treat me any differently because of who i choose to be with. Hopefully my next job will be just as accepting as this one has been. :)

sweetiefemme

08-09-2011, 08:32 PM

I do social work for a Catholic agency. I had to come out to my boss because a coworker kept saying "That is so gay". I finally had to tell her that she is a grown up, working in a professional job and it is unacceptable. So needless to say I am the gay one at the Catholic agency that is going to hell.

CherylNYC

08-09-2011, 08:43 PM

I'm as out as I could possibly be. It's easy for me because I'm a freelance artist in NYC. I belong to a Union of artists with a high proportion of gay men, but not that many lesbians for some reason. If I can't be out I don't know who could be. My picture is in the paper fairly regularly after the Pride Parade, (they love to print pics of the women on motorcycles), so I would be out even if I never said a word.

I work with a rotating cast of coworkers who I may work with for months at a time, and then I may work with the same crew again for another several month stint, or I may not work with the same artists again for years. Because we're artists the environment is usually pretty open, and no one seems to feel the need to hold back about their lives. If it's been awhile we'll want to catch up with each other. I hear about my co-workers children, house projects, etc. They hear about my motorcycles, girlfriends (when I have them), and any other not painfully private details. My coworkers were unbelievably kind and supportive when I lost my partner, and again when I lost my girlfriend. Everyone just poured out their good will towards me.

Previous to working in my wonderful union full of artists, I worked in the stagehand's union as a carpenter/stagehand. The environment couldn't have been worse for a woman, much less a lesbian. I was very, very out anyway. Did I get harassed? You bet. Did I lose work? I'm sure of it. I was pretty cranky about being out no matter what the repercussions, and I have a smart aggressive mouth. I think it would have been even worse for me if those big ole bigoted men weren't perhaps a little bit apprehensive about facing my angry mouth. I'm SO glad that part of my life is long behind me.

bigbutchmistie

08-09-2011, 10:40 PM

FYI I cant stand it when I hear that at my job "Thats so gay" turns my insides out and makes me fighting mad.. Ive had to tell my bosses about hearing individuals say that phrase. I am gay and I DONT appreciate it.. Ok stepping off soap box now... LOL

Yes, I am completely totally out. I wouldnt work somewhere I couldnt be. No my company doesnt march in gay parades. But I love it our annual sales meeting when the President and Vice President stand up every year and say I dont care your color sex if you are straight gay bi trans how you identify. I care about the JOB you do for us. And that always makes me feel good. I guess that's why Ive stayed there for so many years and made it my career. :)

Red Dirt Girl

08-10-2011, 04:32 AM

Oh yeah, we have a booth at Pride every year too. :)
I couldn't be more out at work...

The owner of our company, 2 sales people, and 3 warehouse people are gay out of 17 ppl. We have same sex beny's. Any work gathering we are all asked to invite our "partners/significant other" In fact the other owner is str8 he supports us and marches in Pride every year.

I couldn't be happier at a job!!

Random

08-10-2011, 07:00 AM

It's important to me that I work for a company where I'm going to be a good match with the company culture. (I have a very hard time staying at a job where I'm not happy)

So, I casually out myself during interviews. Generally when I'm asked about hobbies or how I balance work and home.. something like that... I meantion that my partner and I are foodies...

After experiencing the deep freeze of being I was a perfect match, skill set wise, but DID NOT in any way fit in to the company culture.. (Long time, close knit, go to church with each other employees) I would rather avoid it...

My last job, I was out to my company, but not all my clients... My long term clients, yes...we formed bonds/had a relationship.... but my occassional clients or one off's, no...They didn't need to know that much about me....

My new job... (Moma needed bennies) We have partner bennies and diversity is more than embraced... It's the company culture. (Love that the top level of executives are Women and POC)

I don't want to jinx my new job by getting too excited about it, but I'm sincerly hoping this is the company that I will retire from...heheh.... we have chapters and divisions ALL over the world and the mission is SUCH a good one...... (It's important to me that the work I do make a difference)

Dean Thoreau

08-15-2011, 06:39 PM

glad u got bennies momma random and can be out.....at work

I am sort of out at work...well one look at me and u know..but working in a school system, a nice conservative republican one is not conducive to carrying the rainbow flag down the hallway.....
....so my coworkers, principal and the administrators etc all know.I do not hide it,,,,if asked what i did over the weekend I will say Wife and i went to.....or whatever.
.. i do not tell the parents of the kids, or the kids.....that is not what i was hired to teach the kids....sexuality comes under health...
and i am not the health teacher...would not want the union to get cranky....

everyone is pretty cool,,,even when i do run into a student and their parent at home depot when i am wearing my work boots, and cut off tshirt and shorts that is revealing all my tattos and the rainbow ball cap on my head,,,and the rainbow stickers on the truck..they dont seem to mind. (Of course the only difference between that outfit and what i wear at work is the shorts have hems and the shirts have sleeves.....and my sneakers match my clothes :) Once the students and parents get to know Dr Thoreau,,,and the parents see how much their kids love being in the docs class....there is no problem...those that have given me the stare at Back to School night in the beginning of the year usually by halloween parade are hanging out with me laughing at my crazy jokes.....since usually their kid is giving me a high five a hug or a ...secret password to enter my classroom signal...

:mohawk: .............. yes i have a mohawk now :) old fat grey haired butch with mohawk

and yes I love this wonderful career and will really miss it..when i retire.....next june (they are really cutting our school budget to shreds)
t

tapu

08-15-2011, 07:06 PM

I've been out in the workplace since I had a workplace. I can't be with people every day and not have them know me. And if you don't know I'm gay, then you don't know me.

Medusa

08-15-2011, 07:17 PM

I'm out at work. Way out.

I have been out at every job I've had since I was 17.

I work in a large company. We have 1500-2000 people on our particular campus and I am one of maybe 15 out GLBT folks. Many of the GLBT folks who are not out (but known to me from years in clubs or with volunteer orgs) are people who are very "old school" about their privacy or who are in upper management VP positions (perhaps fearful of their promotion opportunities even though our company has a good diversity policy)

I have brought Jackhammer to work with me and she has met my boss and several of my coworkers. I have photos of her on my desk and openly talk about our activities together. I probably would not work for a company where I had to hide myself or relationship.

deb_U_taunt

08-15-2011, 07:23 PM

I am out in all areas of my life. It takes too much work to censor myself.

tapu

08-15-2011, 07:23 PM

Also, since I seem to fall into dating co-workers....

Logicaly

08-17-2011, 09:04 AM

I am out at work, ever since I started this new job, its been great. I've always been out about being gay, however at my new job they are aware of my transition and are fully supportive of it, even if they don't always know how to handle every situation, they don't hesitate to ask me.

I am very fortunate, especially since we are a smaller company of about 30-40 people across all three of our offices. It helps also I am sure that I am not the only queer person here.

JAGG

08-17-2011, 09:28 AM

Well let's see, I've been with the same company for 22yrs, if they haven't figured it out by now... My company has equal rights for everyone that includes sexual orientation. If you live in a state that gays can legally marry, then your spouse can be added to your medical and dental plan.

JoSchmooze

08-17-2011, 09:38 AM

If I couldn't be out at work....
I wouldn't be working there,

I spent 10 years in the Army,back in the days of witch hunts...
Not doing that ever again...
Some times I just say....."well hell, look at me and just think about it"...

:cigar2::cigar2::cigar2:

Novelafemme

08-17-2011, 10:49 AM

i'm out in life. :) work included.

Jeep

08-18-2011, 02:33 AM

Halfway. There are people who know and people who haven't quite figured it out yet. I'm not the only one and it's not exactly a secret, but if they don't talk to me or hang out in the smoker's corner at break they don't have a reason to know. Also, one of the three supervisors is gay (and funny as hell) so they don't tolerate intolerance.

Ginger

03-15-2012, 02:29 PM

Yes, I'm out at work. I haven't experienced any discrimination or backlash, or even much interest. I have long hair, and wear dresses, or a skirt and blouse and heels every day, plus I'm older, so maybe when people see me it doesn't set off any "warning alarms." Ha, if they only knew! ;)

Mr Nice Guy

03-15-2012, 03:04 PM

I'm sooo out at work that anyone standing next to me is gay too. Lol

girl_dee

03-15-2012, 03:08 PM

I've been out at every job! Being an invisible femme people
assume i'm straight.

After sending empty boxes to myself so the UPS butch can come
See me several times they figure it out.

clay

03-15-2012, 03:29 PM

all 21 years of my Nursing career, I was OUT! and PROUD! I have never, ever been harassed, heckled, or had any kind of hassles with my being gay. Even in public, with discreet PDA's. Even though I am retired, I am still OUT & PROUD! and still NO kind of issues anywhere I go...

Scuba

03-15-2012, 03:42 PM

After sending empty boxes to myself so the UPS butch can come See me several times they figure it out.

This...is priceless! **chuckling**

Scuba

03-15-2012, 03:42 PM

Out at work btw :)

Okiebug61

03-15-2012, 03:53 PM

I have never been in or out. I know that will sound strange to some but I have always assumed that it was ok to be who I am and if people figure out I am a "lesbian" then good for them. I don't require them to let me know if they are straight therefore I have never considered it to be a requirement that I tell them I am lesbian.

1QuirkyKiwi

03-15-2012, 04:24 PM

I’m Out and Proud at work; always have been. There aren’t many gays where I work…..there’s only two of us and he’s the Stone Mason, lol! I’ve not met with much prejudice and so many have said they would never have guessed, lol! The works annual Ball my partner has always been invited.

At work I try to maintain a high level of professionalism, especially as I deal with students, relatives, the Police, etc.

I’m Out and Proud at the Disabled Arts Studio. I’m the only Lesbian and there are three gay guys.

girl_dee

03-15-2012, 05:41 PM

This...is priceless! **chuckling**

once our repair person was a butch, i kept *breaking* things in my office...

thedivahrrrself

03-15-2012, 06:10 PM

I've been out at every job! Being an invisible femme people
assume i'm straight.

I'm out everywhere, but work is a particularly important place for me. I found that if you mention things in passing ("yes, these flowers are from my partner") rather than announcing ("I'm a big homo! How does that make you feel?"), things tend to go better. One of the most conservative places I ever worked, I simply put up a picture of my partner's Navy photo, and people would ask who it was. I would tell them, and then what were they gonna do? Criticize a veteran? LOL Worked great, and everyone treated me like the Big Gay SME (Subject Matter Expert), which I don't really mind. ("Yes, I know where drag queens put their thingies. No, I cannot fix your car, but I know 5 lesbians who can. Actually, there are hundreds of ways two women can have sex....")

thedivahrrrself

03-15-2012, 06:12 PM

Oh, and I quoted Dee because I can totally relate. The last thing I want is a flood of bio-men hitting on the new girl! Femmes have to come out as a precautionary measure!

girl_dee

03-15-2012, 06:17 PM

Oh, and I quoted Dee because I can totally relate. The last thing I want is a flood of bio-men hitting on the new girl! Femmes have to come out as a precautionary measure!

Yup and i went through a lot of crap at one job. My boss would whisper to the men as they came in that were nice to me *Dee's gay*... i was like will you STOP telling everyone that!

One of our foremen said to him * are you SURE she is gay???*

And of course the one who said *she hasn't met the RIGHT man yet*

at which i replied if we were the two people on earth, mankind would end with us.

thedivahrrrself

03-15-2012, 06:21 PM

I always tell them, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that I just haven't met the right man yet, or worse, "I'm a lesbian too, trapped in a man's body", I'd be richer than Donald Trump. Guys can be SOOO original :phonegab:

Yup and i went through a lot of crap at one job. My boss would whisper to the men as they came in that were nice to me *Dee's gay*... i was like will you STOP telling everyone that!

One of our foremen said to him * are you SURE she is gay???*

And of course the one who said *she hasn't met the RIGHT man yet*

at which i replied if we were the two people on earth, mankind would end with us.

girl_dee

03-15-2012, 06:53 PM

thedivahrrrself

03-15-2012, 07:12 PM

I tell them God made me a lesbian because I hate body hair so much. LOL

:flasher:

deedarino

03-15-2012, 07:41 PM

Totally out to all co-workers, not out to my clients. In order for me to be effective, I don't dare add anything that will put up defenses. Although when I do the diversity training, I spend a few (lotsa) extra minutes on gay issues :giggle:

On the other hand, my co-workers are freaks. A bunch of straight women, but you wouldn't be able to tell...

TimilDeeps

03-15-2012, 07:44 PM

I am so out at work; I'm in.

aishah

03-16-2012, 04:20 AM

yes and no. i'm very out in my non-profit work. i don't hide the fact that i'm queer when i do sex work but since most of my customer base is straight men, i don't exactly trumpet it, either.

spritzerJ

03-16-2012, 04:42 AM

I am out at work. To coworkers, bosses and such. Not to the parents of students I work with or the students. They are really unconcerned with my life. Heck most of the kids think I live at school :) It is a small town but so far so good.

ArkansasPiscesGrrl

03-16-2012, 10:27 AM

I've been out at every job! Being an invisible femme people
assume i'm straight.

After sending empty boxes to myself so the UPS butch can come
See me several times they figure it out.

I came out at a late age, at 49. Being one of those "invisible femmes", I wanted EVERYONE to know, and it was almost like "Hi, my name is Ann and I am gay!" (OK, not really THAT bad, but pretty close! LOL)

Then that settled down a lot, but I was still determined to stay out in everything I did. I didn't advertise it (other than all the pride bumper stickers I had on my car in their parking lots), but I didn't hide anything either. I really didn't get hassled at all. My last company I worked for in FL before moving here and opening my own business, they all knew from right away, about my sexual orientation, about my being in recovery, etc. It actually helped me many times, since I worked in the behavioral health field.

I also got to be the "token expert" on all things gay. And yeah, I have had female co-workers (straight) try to hit on me. I have heard on many an occasion that I just don't LOOK gay at all!

Princess

03-30-2012, 01:24 AM

I am out at work, although I wasn't for the first 2 years that I worked there. You just never know with people in kansas...well people anywhere really. I got tired of hiding it though and just kinda jumped out. Turned out everyone was really accepting and now the guys at work constantly crack jokes with me, I love it. :)

TWolf

04-08-2012, 08:17 PM

I'm completely out at work... though I'm butch enough to trigger even the faultest gardar... totally funny when my last manager would get flustered everytime he'd call me "sir".... I work in a very accepting environment though... my computer has a pic collage of my gal, her son, and my son proudly displayed... and we attend company events as a couple...

Just_G

04-08-2012, 08:28 PM

For me, the question is when am I NOT out, ANYWHERE I go? :blink:

I just started a new job at a huge engineering firm....I am positive that not one person that has seen me come and go from the building thinks I am straight.

Even though I didn't have to "come out" at work, there is still an awkward uneasiness around all of my female co-workers....not on my part though. I try to make conversation, but they just kind of turn and walk away. They don't make eye contact, and when it is time for a meeting that I don't know about, they leave me sitting in my cubicle and send one of the guys to get me.

I can honestly say that some days I wish I blended in and could go on about my business without the awkwardness. That will never happen with me.

It's funny, there is another thread on BFP about femmes having to come out all the time and how they are not noticed, and most of the time, I so wish I was NOT noticed so easily. It's like when you have straight hair and want curly hair or vice versa...lol

genghisfawn

04-09-2012, 07:20 AM

I don't come out at a new job until I have firm friends. Right now I'm contracted to another company, working full-time on their site. When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone or married or something, I respond with a subtle, "Eventually!" and a smile.

However, I had lunch with another division's manager when I first started with my company and it came up that I'd been engaged. She said at one point after that, "Don't be offended, but are you a lesbian?"

I was FLOORED. Not because she asked, because I don't really care, but that she actually read me as gay! Could it have been the sweatervest and blouse combo over no-nonsense trousers and shoes? I just said, "Yes... why, do I, you know, look gay or something?"

She said, "No, not at all. I have a sixth sense for these things."

She and I are totally friends and we're totally going shopping this week. :)

apretty

04-09-2012, 07:57 AM

Yes, as I'm asked about my personal life I always correct the inevitable presumed heterosexuality--I don't offer personal information generally because it doesn't pertain to the job (and as I have a supervisory position I like a little distance), but I will share bits of who I am, as appropriate.

Novelafemme

04-09-2012, 08:08 AM

Like, apretty, I am out at work (and everywhere) but I keep my personal life private as much as I can. At one point I had several coworkers as friends on facebook but I found it very awkward when they knew about my active social life outside of work and would comment on what I did over the weekend. I am a total contradiction when it comes to my privacy, lol. So, I "unfriended" them on facebook and keep my friend list to only those I know pretty darned well (and family).

I have pictures of Katy and I up in my office, as well as pics of my girls and other friends and family, and sometimes new people stop by my office and I catch them looking at the photos and then looking at me as the little light bulb goes off in their brains. ;)

Quintease

04-09-2012, 08:21 AM

Not really, but then I am married to a man. Generally I like to scope out the situation before I come out, but sometimes it still doesn't help. I've come out in the past and experienced harassment (always from other women). I've also chosen not to come out in other jobs and regretted it.

My husbands not out to anyone but his boss. Foolishly he added one of his workmates to his facebook, only to have to 'out' me as bisexual after we made a mistake with his privacy settings. He has since deleted that person.

SaltyButch

04-14-2012, 08:39 PM

I am totally out at work and have been in all the places that I have worked as an adult. It is not something that happens on the first day you walk in but after you have been able to gauge people's responses. I have been fortunate enough that my peers accept me and in fact have been educated to some degree because I am open to discussing most anything they may be wondering about.

The JD

04-14-2012, 09:06 PM

I'm out at work. I just posted a pic of me at work- it's kind of obvious, I think...heh. But I've also addressed it with my coworkers at first indirectly, by not pretending to be single if I'm not and using the correct pronouns (and first name) when referring to my girlfriend... but also directly- once some see that I'm comfortable with it, they get comfortable enough to ask more.

The strangest example of this is the 60 year old coworker who said to me, "I heard a DJ using this word on the radio this morning, and I think it might be a gay thing. What's a 'carpet muncher'?"

After I spit my coffee out and got my laughter under control, I told her. :|

TheresaD

05-08-2012, 06:37 PM

I sure hope so because I am f*cking my boss. Have been for nearly 7 years.
:thumbsup:

MaggieBluIze

05-08-2012, 06:53 PM

In every fabulous way possible!!!!!

I :heartbeat: it!!!!

Turns out so is my supervisor, his supervisor and many of my coworkers!!!!!!! *big grin*

stephfromMIT

08-13-2012, 07:25 PM

I not working yet, but I am out with my fellow grad students/lab colleagues. If I don't "ping" your gaydar, you have no gaydar.

Mrs Arcstriker

08-14-2012, 08:51 PM

I am out to my entire family, my friends, my employers and my neighbors...That said, I am NOT out to my residents of my nursing home. Some "get it" when they see Arc come in to work, but I did have one elderly man ask if Arc was my son, and another with expressive aphagia just gave me a knowing giggle...I have no expectation that my residents need to know, nor do I have an expectation that if they did they would condone.

At my job at the college, I don't tell my students per se, but they figure it out when they meet the family.

I've been OUT since I left my marriage to my ex-husband in late-1999, and thus far I've had not one scrap of negativity...even though I came "out" in a very predominantly Catholic community where I have lived for 33 years.

Lady Pamela

08-14-2012, 09:01 PM

It would be extremely hard for me to do that considering my clientell are my own...My other job is also child based and probably about 200 to 300 children each event. Ha!

But in years before now at work..Yes I was also out when in medical field positions.

But should someone ask..Sure I would most definately tell them the truth..Like one on my client I have a session with.

.

cinnamongrrl

10-02-2012, 12:44 PM

No.... I work for an uber christian....I try not to discuss religion and politics with clients anyhow...but it DOES give me a tickle being on BFP while I'm at work....I'm just naughty like that ;)

SleepyButch

10-02-2012, 12:51 PM

I am totally out at work and I love it!

Breathless

10-02-2012, 12:55 PM

Kind of.. I work outside .. sort of.. JK.. Absolutely.. I could only be more out if I was flying a flag behind the car around town doing pickups. .

Greco

10-02-2012, 01:03 PM

Yes, always.

Greco

Talon

10-02-2012, 02:07 PM

Nope. And I do prefer it that way. My sexuality is no one's business and has nothing at all to do with what I do for a living. My performance is what matters.

jules5041

10-02-2012, 03:03 PM

i work for a small clinic in Little Rock. There are several of us that are gay and out that work here. It is a very relaxed, positive enviroment. Most of my co-workers are also accepting and tolerant so that is also a plus. I am lucky as I know many places are not as liberal as my place of employment is.

Jules

Duchess

10-02-2012, 03:12 PM

Absolutely:LGBTQFlag:

GreeneyedMe

10-02-2012, 03:20 PM

Yes, I am out....everywhere. Work is especially comfortable and tolerant...my company even offered partner benefits many years before marriage was legalized in NY. Nice place to be. :)

easygoingfemme

10-06-2012, 07:50 AM

Yes.
I am self employed so it's a different kind of out. I keep a rainbow flag visible in my office for clients to see easily. I keep LGBTQ safe and open statements on my website along with the types of clients I specialize in. Lots of people don't pick up on it but those who do appreciate it.

BstlMyhart

10-06-2012, 08:17 AM

I've never been "in" anywhere...I've always just been me. I have rarely run into any issues about my obvious sexual orientation. And they were someone else's issues...not mine. Everyone from the Director to the inmates knows. We have anti discrimination policies that include sexual orientation and we do have domestic partner benefits. I'm just "Lt." one of the "brothers in uniform". They know when things go back, I have their back and I know they have mine. It's been proven time and again. There have been a few occassions when an inmate will "go off" and call me every derrogatory name in the book. I've had to hold back a fellow officer because THEY took greater offense than I did. I knew the inmate WANTED to hurt me, and I would not allow them that satisfaction. My partners however were pissed. I think if I were hetero...THAT would be an issue...no one in my life anywhere would consider that normal. lol

Also, being who I am and having my rank, I've recently had a few new officers, and now a few cadets going through our academy, telling me they know they can be themselves and will be able to advance in this career and in our facility. They have no fear that their sexual orientation will hold them back. I see their self confidence rising to the surface as oppose to their body language showing they fear they have to hide part of themselves to be accepted as a fellow officer, which is something I saw with a few officers when I first started. Those officers are no longer with us though I can't speculate that this was the reason they left...did they feel like outcasts and ostracized? I can't answer that. I do know that I see a new self awareness, pride, and self confidence in those joining our ranks now. And it makes me proud that where I work...it's all about the work and one's ability to carry out their missions. It's not about who you date and sleep with. The world really has evolved.

jac

10-06-2012, 08:30 AM

out and about here on the job. this is a safe zone. diversity is an absolute in an adolescent homeless shelter. it helps to have openly gay staff, makes things wicked easy and comfortable for the kids that come in off the streets to have acceptance and staff to relate with. I could not have asked for a better place to do my internship and then get hired on in my field. blessed!

twinkletoes

10-06-2012, 08:58 AM

Well I'm not really at work, I'm at uni but I found it to be a bit of a crappy experience being out from day 1. Quite sad that some people of even of my age have homophobic tendencies and opinions...

Dance-with-me

10-06-2012, 09:11 AM

I've been out at work at my various jobs since '84 but the most challenging was my current job - I'm in a very conservative county, and I was actually the first openly out gay person to work there. I have to admit that most folks didn't know because for much of my first two years there I was dating an FTM as he transitioned and so of course I referred to home as He and there was just no reason or appropriate time to explain the details.

We do finally have a lot more out faculty and staff, and even some straight staff are coming to the meetings for the newly formed GSA.

DanieClarke

10-07-2012, 10:50 AM

I am moms caregiver and i get a small Veterans pension which is enough to live a simple sustainable life here on the farm

~ocean

10-07-2012, 02:01 PM

morningstar55

12-21-2012, 01:46 PM

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can get pre approved by panther

http://www.pantherexpedite.com

JDeere

09-21-2016, 09:42 PM

It's obvious what I am when people see me, in person. At all my jobs I have been out.I've come across alot of issues with co workers in the past but am finding certain other people are respectful and accepting due to my performance.

dark_crystal

09-22-2016, 06:37 AM

I am out to the staff and our director, and the other department heads in our directorate. I am actively closeted when it comes to the Board of Trustees or City Hall.

It's a rabidly conservative county, but at least they're rabid enough that you can look up all of their opinions in the Galveston Daily News "letters to the editor" section and know who isn't safe!

Lecheloco

09-22-2016, 07:35 AM

I'm out everywhere everyday, I only wear men's clothing so it's rather obvious

anotherbutch

09-22-2016, 07:45 AM

I'm out everywhere, everyday.

Orema

09-22-2016, 08:00 AM

I'm out. The company, my manager, and teammates are supportive and respectful. We have a handful of lesbian, gay and queer people who are out. I have to come out a few times a year but "it is what it is."

*Anya*

09-22-2016, 08:19 AM

Yes. As a femme, it is a continual process. You are always assumed to be straight.

At my current job, I am out to everyone in my department.

I just heard that another therapist was hired that is gay. I don't know if she actually told them this or if they are guessing.

I am waiting to see if she is femme or butch.

If she is butch, the blabby boss may have made an assumption about her that may, or may not be, correct.

She might turn out to be straight but likes flannel shirts (as an example).

Medusa

09-22-2016, 08:32 AM

I'm out at work. Way out.

I have been out at every job I've had since I was 17.

I work in a large company. We have 1500-2000 people on our particular campus and I am one of maybe 15 out LGBT folks. Many of the LGBT folks who are not out (but known to me from years in clubs or with volunteer orgs) are people who are very "old school" about their privacy or who are in upper management VP positions (perhaps fearful of their promotion opportunities even though our company has a good diversity policy)

I posted this back in 2011 and am still with the same company.

My experience here remains pretty much the same with the exception that several of the other folks who were out have left the company, either in retirement or through layoffs.

I am the only senior manager that I know of on this entire campus who is out. I've been lucky enough not to experience much in the way of homophobia or judgment but do hear ignorant comments regularly. This happens in the real world every day so I just view it as a product of living in the world with ignorant people in general.

I've had a good experience over all with this company and still have photos all over my office of me being very gay. I even have a Medusa head (replete with moving snakes!) draped in a huge gay pride necklace and have a sign on the outside of my door that says "FABULOUSNESS is spoken here" (done in rainbow lettering).

I know this is a privilege and I respect that.

TL1

09-22-2016, 09:54 AM

FireSignFemme

09-22-2016, 02:17 PM

I'm out to God and everybody. I think for myself to do anything else would be to lie by omission. I understand people's reasons for choosing to remain closeted but I'm just simply not going to let any of that stuff rule me. I'd rather live only one day entirely free to be my true authentic self, than live a long life, in perfect health, surrounded by opulence and splendor in exchange for my silence - willingness to spend those years living closeted. Even if while closeted I could have the most attractive and sexually compatible woman on the planet to be my loyal, devoted, faithful friend and lover along with bags and bags and vaults full of money the answer is still no. Esse quam videri, this because to my way of thinking - It ain't worth a thing if it ain't got that zing.

*Anya*

09-22-2016, 03:07 PM

Orema

09-22-2016, 03:21 PM

yes it's too obvious.

My experience has been fine. I'm treated like the other guys. (Flirty women and the infamous guy nods and the "what up's")

I've not had any problems anywhere I've worked. I consider myself lucky since I know many have.

I'm lucky too, T1. And, things weren't like this 20 years ago where I work. No one was out, though there were whispers and probably campaigns to prevent lesbians and gay people from advancing.

The first person who came out where I'm employed was a manager in the technology department. He came out during a black-tie event. Employees were allowed to bring guests and he brought his partner. They did a slow dance that was very nice. Thank goodness no one applauded.

Yeah, I'm lucky too.

MsTinkerbelly

09-22-2016, 03:40 PM

Once I came out and divorced my daughter's father, I never went back into the closet.

Anya has a point....

My last place of employment (before I became disabled), was a 10 year run at a company where it was not completely safe to be out and loud about it. It was an engineering firm/manufacturing plant where a large portion of the workforce were very macho men, of many races and nationalities.

My employer and all of the office people knew, but my employer actually told me that it would probably not be safe for myself or my car to have rainbow stickers and such. When I began in 2003 it was good advice, and by 2013 when I left it was still something I kept in mind. I had let a few people know when they saw a picture on my desk, and I was made aware that I was an oddity to be gossiped about.

In any case, I probably should have shoved it in their faces...but being queer is only a part of me, not who I am. It was my place of employment, NOT my home.

TL1

09-22-2016, 05:24 PM

I'm lucky too, T1. And, things weren't like this 20 years ago where I work. No one was out, though there were whispers and probably campaigns to prevent lesbians and gay people from advancing.

The first person who came out where I'm employed was a manager in the technology department. He came out during a black-tie event. Employees were allowed to bring guests and he brought his partner. They did a slow dance that was very nice. Thank goodness no one applauded.

Yeah, I'm lucky too.

That took guts for him to do that. There are many brave and strong souls in our community and it's because of those people things are how they are today.

many places of employment are accepting now. And I'm thankful to be in the now and not as you said..... 20 years ago. (And beyond)

Yes we are very lucky indeed. :)

catlady

09-22-2016, 06:21 PM

I wish I can be out, but it's not "safe" around my environment which is conservative.

So I pretend to be the single business woman cat lady who wants nothing to deal with relationships :lol2: My boss thinks that I'll meet "Mr. Right" one day and want to start a family hahaha. Little does he know I'm a lesbian engaged to my tom and both of us plan to start a family of kittens in the future.

Maybe in my future next job, I can comfortably be out.

Gayandgray

09-22-2016, 06:49 PM

Yup, I'm out at both my jobs and have been from the start. However, I'm NOT out to my patients. I'm a cna in a nursing home and a lot of the elderly patients are not accepting of homosexuality at all. I can remember about 12 years ago at another nursing home I worked at, one of my idiot coworkers decided to tell my 90 year old patient and her daughter that I was a lesbian. It did not go over well at all! The patient refused to let me bathe her or take her to the restroom, and her daughter made nasty comments and my Director of Nursing told me not to take care of the woman anymore, to not even go in her room. So I just don't tell my patients that I'm a lesbian, but everyone else knows including the corporate office. :hangloose::hangloose:

FireSignFemme

09-22-2016, 06:57 PM

Sometimes, for some people, it is not to live in "opulence and splendor" to remain closeted; it is simply to survive.

Well, I don't know about what other people need to survive. I only know for myself I couldn't be tempted to live in the closet for all the money in the world. So I sure as heck wouldn't be tempted to do it for fair to middlin or even worse - lousy wages.

stargazingboi

09-22-2016, 07:05 PM

My theory is this..I'm at work. I'm not there to date, hit on or even be friends with them..so, I don't tend to talk about my personal life. I am there to work.

That being said; if I in fact I do become friends with someone at my place of employment, then I may confirm their suspicions or answer question they may have regarding my life. I also have an open door policy. If you have balls enough to ask me in a respectful manor, then I have the balls enough to tell you who I am.

Mind you, I'm TG....I medically can not take hormones. So, if they can't figure it out my looking at me and don't bother to ask, then they don't need to know. *shrugs*

easygoingfemme

09-22-2016, 07:05 PM

I recently added in some work hours at an inner city after school teen drop in center. There are rainbows and gender neutral/trans acceptance stickers and posters everywhere. So I have a rainbow GBLTQ safe zone poster on my office door and a rainbow flag on my desk but so does everyone else there so it doesn't out me. I love it. Not that it doesn't out me, but all of the staff are waving the flag for any of the kids who need it.But it's funny that my "signal" isn't a signal there!

Chancie

09-25-2016, 08:11 AM

As many of you know, I'm a public high school teacher in a small town in Western Mass. Pete worked for a locally owned lumber yard for about five years, though she's back in school now. She's knows almost every contractor and handy fixit homeowner around.

I guess I'm outish. We attend school events together, and she occasionally goes grocery shopping with me, which is very exciting to my students, when they catch us fighting over canned tomatoes or frozen vegetables.

I mostly look like a chubby middle aged math teacher, though I have a tattoo climbing up my left leg and purple highlights in my hair. I wear a traditional wedding band and an engagement ring. I suspect many are stymied.

Slow breath

09-25-2016, 08:44 AM

To my school staff, absolutely. There was a time at the beginning of my career I wasn't, but I was young and naive. I bought my house with a "friend." Then it became difficult to tell a staff, that I loved, the truth. I had a lesbian principal for a few years, and through her visibility learned just how important it is to be visible to others who struggle with coming out at work. It is so important to be able to see ourselves in our leadership. So I don't look back and proudly share my life.

Because I work with little people, I don't hide who I am, but I don't advertise it to them. Although, if you stay at a school long enough, parents start to figure it out, and it has never caused a problem. I look forward to the day where I do share that part of me with my students.

My classroom has Pride safe space posters, and I have a collection of Pride buttons on a board that is visible to all, and it becomes a safe haven where I do discuss LGBTI issues, but I mediate and let the kiddos do the talking.

afrcnqueen

09-25-2016, 09:27 AM

Yes, I am OUT at work.
I am OUT to friends and family. I have also lived for a few years (teen until I was 22)denying who I was, but once I came out I can't imagine my life any other way. I know not everyone can for many reasons. I'm very happy where I am :-)

Shystonefem

09-25-2016, 11:15 AM

I don't walk around with "I'm a lesbian" pin or anything. If someone asks, I will tell them. I love in NH and I believe it is easier in the Northeast than some other places.

Stone-Butch

09-25-2016, 11:36 AM

People have asked me when I came out, I just say I was never IN. I think I am obvious enough that people know what I am. I don't offer but if you have to ask I will be honest. Back in the day you payed dearly for being out and many times I have been struck or spit on or otherwise engaged especially with men. Go figure. It was very hard back then but you were either who you were all the way or were considered a tweener and that was not a good position to be in. It was butch and femme and easily recognizable unless the femme was alone and mistaken for straight. All my buddies dressed as they wished, mostly on club night suit and tie. Bars were hectic at times LOL. I could never have hid who I was as I wore it on my sleeve. Take it or leave it. I think my family always knew and aside from my parents my siblings said little. Yes I was to grow out of it and get married. I think not. Never dated a man, I am queer but not that queer.

Bubala

09-25-2016, 02:01 PM

I'm a very private person. I do not share any personal items at work. That said I'm starting to wonder just how much this wall I have built is helping my career and how much it's hurting it at the same time...

I guess people take one look at me and just assume that I'm straight. I'm don't like to mix personal data with business so I stay clear from any and all personal conversations.

On the other hand, when I started this (my current) job, about 1 week in, my assistant (a sweet, chatty girl, who was never introduced to basic etiquette and does not have much respect for code of business conduct... who I've later learned is the giggling office bimbo, with skirts and cognitive ability always falling a bit too short... etc.) bluntly asked me in from of my entire team : "so are you married? I see you have a wedding ring on your finger, its a nice ring...so who is he when are we going to see his picture!?" Call me a bitch but I resounded with a cold stare (while screaming inside and wanting to run the F*&$ out of the office with my hair on fire! lol) and said "yes, I am, however, I'd prefer not to bring my personal life into work, so let's keep that separate.".

Ever since then, this person has speed the "news" that I'm married, so everyone throughout the company now "knows" that I have a "husband" .... It's annoying... I am not going to fight them, or hit anyone with a hammer over their stupid little head to sober them up from making assumptions. I feel trapped at times and think that at 31 years of age I have decided that once I switch companies again I will just bluntly tell them that I'm a lesbian straight up... maybe even at the interview...so the air is clear.

However, then again why should I make details of my personal life a cornerstone of my existences in a company? Take me for my education, my knowledge and my skills.... I prefer to take those into work with me... I don't bring my work home nor my home to work. Why can't we have it simple as that? :blink:

girl_dee

03-10-2017, 07:57 PM

i am not out at work, it feels weird but then again why would I be?

I have been there less than a month, and so far I see no need to come out as queer, none of the others have come out as straight or queer or anything else to me.

It would be nice to be amongst family at work but I am extremely private as the norm.

*Anya*

03-10-2017, 08:30 PM

Yes, I am out at work to co-workers. It used to be harder/less comfortable when I was younger because it was a federal production with the usual femme bull-shit of "Oh my gosh, I had no idea, I never would have guessed, blah, blah..., etc."

Now that I am older, I don't hear that any more and it is a relief.

I do not discuss my sexuality or private life with clients (and neither does my uber-butch coworker). She told me clients ask her all the time if she is gay as it is pretty obvious that she is butch.

It is not therapeutic and we keep tight boundaries; clinically, it is not appropriate to get into personal information.

My straight co-workers pretty much respond the same way.

I simply say, when clients ask if I am married or have a husband, "We are here to discuss your concerns and your issues. How are you doing today?".

That gets them back on track.

kittygrrl

03-10-2017, 10:07 PM

I usually am "out" sooner or later but I've never felt the need to announce it, it just comes out when you talk about about your life outside work. Sometimes it can create problems if you live in a conservative area (even in this day and age) but as a general rule I don't think about it as a worry...of course with Trump in office people may feel the need to go back in the closet for safety reasons....honestly, this is the most stress I've ever felt about a president. I can only believe he is the result of our own lack of moral principal or a general ambivalence regarding evil-

girl_dee

03-10-2017, 10:43 PM

Blade

03-11-2017, 01:44 AM

JDeere

03-11-2017, 11:11 AM

That is the thing in a nutshell. I am a private person and have always been. I do not feel the need two discuss my private life with my coworkers. That said I also do not feel it is any of their business who I date or who I sleep with. It has nothing to do with my job or my performance at my job all it is is an item for gossip.

I feel the same way, I work with ALOT of gossipy/nosey type women. It is hard for me not to say anything but again with me, it's obvious what I am, when I walk in the room.

girl_dee

03-11-2017, 12:00 PM

I feel the same way, I work with ALOT of gossipy/nosey type women. It is hard for me not to say anything but again with me, it's obvious what I am, when I walk in the room.

yes thats the thing, Its NOT obvious for me, although if one wanted to they would figure it out. I am tossed between wanted to represent and keeping my privacy. At this place I don't think anyone cares one way or another.

I am lucky at this company because they do not seem to be the gossipy nosey women I worked with in NOLA. I came out right away there for some reason.

WolfyOne

03-11-2017, 12:08 PM

I have never worked in a place where I felt it was any business to anyone. I never denied it when asked, though. I think I'm pretty obvious in my manner of dress, walk and talk. I'm a person that separates my work life from home life. When at work, I leave my home life at the door, no matter what's going on and when home, it's the same way, work stays at work.

Mel C.

03-11-2017, 12:17 PM

I'm totally out everywhere. I think it's pretty obvious as a butch. I have short hair, wear men's clothing, etc. so it would be odd to me if someone didn't at least presume. In terms of discussing personal life at work, I don't much, but if the topic comes up I am not subtle. We (one of my direct reports) joke that the gay quota has already been met. One day, my boss commented on my being the "straight man" in regards to my sense of humor. He then apologized for the male reference, to which I responded "it is the word straight that I take issue with." Yep, I'm out and nobody seems to mind.

girl_dee

03-11-2017, 12:23 PM

in a way I totally envy butches for being obvious. Having to *out* yourself is not fun. Especially depending on the other people at the workplace,

My last job in NOLA it was totally cool. No biggie. The job before that I became the subject of daily comments and sexual harassment. The owner/boss was the worst, I wished I had come out right away on one hand, because time had gone by when they found out, on another I wish I had never come out, On the third hand i WANT to represent the community! i am tired of hiding!

Note: I do get the struggle of being visible and being discriminated against, I do not envy that.

easygoingfemme

03-11-2017, 01:55 PM

I'm out to my co-workers but even with that I think a lot of them just still think I'm straight. I'm not out to clients because there's no talking about my personal relationships/family with them regardless. But I do keep a very visible rainbow flag in my office which could be interpreted as one wants to- I like my GBLTQ clients, esp emergency walk-ins to know it's a safe space.

girl_dee

05-01-2017, 01:22 AM

Oh i am out now and i do speak about my Big Butch Daddi at times....:awww:

The best part is one in my office then came out to me! So of a team of 5, 2 are queer, that i know of.

cathexis

05-01-2017, 02:45 AM

Both my Partner and I were very out at work (before becoming disabled). How can you hide it when your Partner brings you hot home cooked gourmet food each shift with treats like BBQ ribs or deviled eggs for your co-workers.

If that weren't enough, neither of us could pass for straight if we tried. We're definitely not lipstick lezzies or even gender neutral. lol

We both busted the closet door down, shredding the scraps!

Kätzchen

05-07-2017, 03:20 PM

In my former years long career, almost everybody I worked with or served knew my specific orientation. Mostly because people would share some personal facet of their life, while performing an service, which would give me an oportunity to disclose my own life experience. Of course, coworkers or clients would always express surprise, to some degree, because on the surface, my physical appearance gives no clue that I am of any persuasion other than straight --- which has always been my experience, people assuming I am straight.

And, after leaving that particular safety of my years long profession as an hairdresser, stylist, colorist, etc., and merging my skills into a completely different work force, people would still most always learn in face to face encounters about my kind of orientation, due to people disclosing some form of work place harassment and needing to know how to handle it, who to report it to, stuff like that.

I think that's one of the particular un-asked for situations that presents certain challenges, which is not always the challenge for people who are easily read as being lesbian or dyke or some other form of obviousness (in my own opinion, my own experience in life). My own kind of orientation (bisexuality) is not easily understood, even by others who might be of similar persuasion. And, most often, it's awkward (for me) to always seemingly be in a position where it seems like I'm forced into doing someone's homework for them, which I don't relish at all.

Anyway, thankfully my employer does have an enforceable diversity policy and it's never become an issue for me at my workplace campus. Most anyone who knows me, knows me in personal ways. And for the most part, I'd say the workforce on my work campus is heavily represented on the LBGTQ side of life. Probably more so for L G and Q; with probably an smaller representation for those who are B and/or T.

Ender

05-31-2017, 02:33 PM

No, not at work, some of the people I work with are pretty right wing, but a few people at the University I'm attending suspect I'm gay... ;)

Breathless

05-31-2017, 03:44 PM

For me.. It feels like a million years ago that it was such a stressful big deal to come out at work. Now I just dont care what people think in that way. I work in a fairly small office, 1 other gay person- transgendered, and one cute curious girly girl.. who is straight, until she drinks.. The drivers I work with -a few know, usually brought up in conversation when they ask about my husband, (lol) others don't and thats fine, I wouldnt deny it to anyone who asked, I just dont feel the need to announce to everyone like a flashing neon sign. I also work in a very multiracial company, many different beliefs, but I am thankful that I get the same high level of respect that I give.

Gayandgray

06-12-2017, 11:28 AM

When I start my new job on the 27th of this month I will definately be out!!!!! I already let the management know.

cathexis

06-12-2017, 12:39 PM

When I was still working, it was simply an understood thing. I never said anything to folks about it, but never hid it anyway. She would come to the hospital about every night to have dinner with me at 0200-0400. If it was a particularly crazy night, She brought in a big bowl of Tuna Helper or such for the whole unit. If someone would have asked, I would have told them. It just never came up, but I wouldn't have hidden anything.

Being into leather is something I would not have denied either. In order to express empathy to a patient, I have come out to individual patients about both things when appropriate.

How's that saying in 12 step groups go? Basically, you're only as sick as your deepest secret.