Jesse
10-29-2010, 01:03 PM
Risen Child
How good it must feel to you to lay on those cool clean sheets you sleep on every night. The warmth against your skin, your conscious cleared…now that you have forgiven yourself for the terrible abuse you handed down to five children.
I wonder why my pain feels so real, and why my life seems so out of control. Why do I hide from the darkness even while the sun is shining brightly? None of this should be happening, right? After all, you have forgiven yourself.
You tell people about your five kids and how we all hate you, and how bad your life is because of us. I wonder why you never tell them the reasons why we all five feel the way we do about you. Would they ponder how you were able to forgive yourself? I know I do.
For years, I thought that time would pass and so would you. Then, perhaps we could all be close…something you have always tried to keep from happening. That dream was shattered earlier this year while the air was still cool with spring when my brother, Joe, left this earth with a broken spirit; a spirit that you broke. Have you managed to forgive yourself for this too?
Single-handedly, you stole the childhood of five precious children, instilling us all with fear, pain, and self-doubt. You beat us all down, and then laughed at us for being broken. You then have the audacity to demand that we forgive you, while you shout that we have ruined your life. As usual, you ask for far too much…forgiveness comes with a price…a price you have not paid. So go ahead, forgive yourself while you lay there on your precious bed of denial.
As for forgiveness, I shall direct it at self where it is appreciated. I forgive myself for trusting you and looking up to you as a child. I forgive myself for treating me in the ways you taught me to treat myself. I forgive myself for spending nearly 40 years of my life trying to forgive a person who has abused me for the entirety of those four decades. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.
Oh and just so you know, I am not broken and worthless. I am a person who has carved my way out of the hell you built for your children. I am strong and intelligent. I have learned to be my own potter, with my own damn wheel and you cannot touch my clay. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.
No, I am not selfish and uncaring and I do believe in forgiveness. I believe forgiveness should go to those who open their hearts and minds, those who actively and responsibly correct their wrong doings. Forgiveness is a waste on those who insist on harming the spirits and lives of others. I have no worries now, but if you ever find yourself concerned about me, just know… I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.
Jesse Reichart © 2010
How good it must feel to you to lay on those cool clean sheets you sleep on every night. The warmth against your skin, your conscious cleared…now that you have forgiven yourself for the terrible abuse you handed down to five children.
I wonder why my pain feels so real, and why my life seems so out of control. Why do I hide from the darkness even while the sun is shining brightly? None of this should be happening, right? After all, you have forgiven yourself.
You tell people about your five kids and how we all hate you, and how bad your life is because of us. I wonder why you never tell them the reasons why we all five feel the way we do about you. Would they ponder how you were able to forgive yourself? I know I do.
For years, I thought that time would pass and so would you. Then, perhaps we could all be close…something you have always tried to keep from happening. That dream was shattered earlier this year while the air was still cool with spring when my brother, Joe, left this earth with a broken spirit; a spirit that you broke. Have you managed to forgive yourself for this too?
Single-handedly, you stole the childhood of five precious children, instilling us all with fear, pain, and self-doubt. You beat us all down, and then laughed at us for being broken. You then have the audacity to demand that we forgive you, while you shout that we have ruined your life. As usual, you ask for far too much…forgiveness comes with a price…a price you have not paid. So go ahead, forgive yourself while you lay there on your precious bed of denial.
As for forgiveness, I shall direct it at self where it is appreciated. I forgive myself for trusting you and looking up to you as a child. I forgive myself for treating me in the ways you taught me to treat myself. I forgive myself for spending nearly 40 years of my life trying to forgive a person who has abused me for the entirety of those four decades. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.
Oh and just so you know, I am not broken and worthless. I am a person who has carved my way out of the hell you built for your children. I am strong and intelligent. I have learned to be my own potter, with my own damn wheel and you cannot touch my clay. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.
No, I am not selfish and uncaring and I do believe in forgiveness. I believe forgiveness should go to those who open their hearts and minds, those who actively and responsibly correct their wrong doings. Forgiveness is a waste on those who insist on harming the spirits and lives of others. I have no worries now, but if you ever find yourself concerned about me, just know… I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.
Jesse Reichart © 2010