Overheard

[betenoire]

Please post funny, appalling, clever, or quotable things you've overheard! You can even overhear yourself.

[betenoire]

Overheard in Nick's car on Thursday morning.

(Driving by a sign that said "Ontario Grown Christmas Trees!")
Nick: Where else would they be grown?
Me: India.
Nick: Really?
Me: Yeah, Ontarians are super concerned about the outsourcing of our x-mas trees.
Nick: REALLY?
Me: No. Not really.
Nick: :|

[girl_dee]

we actually have a *familyism* book going on here at the farm...


Things you hear when there are two femmes and one butch in the house ..


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK, thats as bad as the noxema face" (poor Syr lol)

"can I slide under you so I can brush my teeth* (two femmes sharing a bathroom)

*Please may I slip this under there its very hot in my hand* (sass trying to handle a hot potato while Syr is making ginger tea)

more to come!!



:giggle:

[Miss Scarlett]

Yesterday afternoon I overheard this conversation between the two women working in the shop at Barber's Orchard, Waynesville, NC.

Woman #1: "You had a phone call while you were gone."

Woman #2: "Who was it?"

Woman #1: "Didn't say. Was a woman with a man voice."

Woman #2: "A man voice?"

Woman #1: "Yep."

Woman #2: "Must have been Louise. She has a man voice."

Woman #1: "You sure?"

Woman #2: "Yeah. She has a real low man voice."

[betenoire]

Brandy says:
http://www.decor4u.com/jewelry-tree-of-life-holiday-ornament-tree-pr-1006.html look what I'm buying!

Bob says:
that looks like something a hippie would buy

Brandy says:
nope
It looks like someone who is trying to have a soothing earring removal experience would buy
"oh, taking my earrings off is so relaxing now that I have this tree made out of recycled metal to hang them on!"

[diamondrose]

When I was at the post office mailing some of the Holiday cards, there were two ladies were standing behind me. There were 3 associates working. Only two associates were handling outgoing packages. Both of the workers handling outgoing packages were just a chatting up a storm with their current customer.. so the two ladies behind me start talking quietly amoungst each other..

Lady 1: Shesh, they need to keep it down to business
Lady 2: I know, this is getting crazy

Finally one of the customers starts to leave, but is still talking

Lady 1: oh!! you can do it.. go on

by this time I am secretly cracking up laughing

Lady 2: Next thing you know, she will have to go to lunch and we will be here another hour.

Associate 1: (looks to associate 2 and 3) isn't it about time for her to go on her lunch.. its well after 12 o'clock.

I had to hold my laugh in at this point!

Associate 3: The line is to long right now.
Associate 1: Next person in line please..

its me and I dump out a purse load of cards and packages!!

[amiyesiam]

Corkey: that show american pickers is gonna have people on it from Erie
Me: can you please look it up and goosemark it for me
Corkey: what
Me: bookmark it, book mark it (really dvr it)

[Gemme]

I already mentioned in another thread, but....

Me: Did you like the cup o' noodles or was it as bad as you remembered?

Organic: It was okay, once I spiced it up a bit.

Me: What'd you use?

Organic: Butter.

Me: Butter's not a spice! It's lard. :blink:

Organic: Fine, then it's spicy lard. :sunglass:

[Corkey]

Corkey: that show american pickers is gonna have people on it from Erie
Me: can you please look it up and goosemark it for me
Corkey: what
Me: bookmark it, book mark it (really dvr it)

Me :|
Her you know what I mean
Me :|

[canadianmusician]

I was standing at a bus stop one day and two guys walk by. One of them said "Did you know cum is nutritious?" the other guy said in this awkward tone "Yep."

[betenoire]

Tonight at work:

Coworker 1: Holy shit, would you listen to that wind?
Coworker 2: I don't think it's the wind.
Coworker 1: Then what is it?
Coworker 2: Chainsaw?
Me: Well that's fantastic. Not only do I have to wade through snowbanks on my way home but NOW I have to worry about a serial killer?
Coworker 1: I can give you a ride home tonight.
Coworker 2: Heroic!

[amiyesiam]

Me :|
Her you know what I mean
Me :|

really
bite me

[amiyesiam]

I already mentioned in another thread, but....

Me: Did you like the cup o' noodles or was it as bad as you remembered?

Organic: It was okay, once I spiced it up a bit.

Me: What'd you use?

Organic: Butter.

Me: Butter's not a spice! It's lard. :blink:

Organic: Fine, then it's spicy lard. :sunglass:



Me: Lard and butter aren't the same thing
Corkey: Lards not a spice either

[Corkey]

really
bite me

Where?....

[betenoire]

Also at work.

(A coworker is studying for an anatomy exam.)

Female Coworker: Do you know where your epididymis is?
Male Coworker: I really don't want to talk about my balls right now.

[Gemme]

Me: Lard and butter aren't the same thing
Corkey: Lards not a spice either


Butter...lard...it all goes directly to my hips and tush without stopping or collecting $200. :blink:

[The_Lady_Snow]

We're sitting watching some show on Net Flix.. Some guy is talking affectionaly about a girl, I say:

S- oh, she must be his Ray of sunshine huh?

G- yeah, you're mine

S- as he says this I'm rubbing his head singing to him "on a cloudy day" then i'm like " I am?"

G- Well no, you're more like a spot light..

S- :| you think so..... ?

[Starbuck]

A man was watching television, switching back and forth between two channels; one being the fishing channel and the other an adult movie channel.

A short time later the husband's wife got tired of him switching the channel back and forth so she made a comment: "For crying out loud! Pick one already! You already know how to fish!"

[The_Lady_Snow]

We're all groovin' smokin' and chillin listening to some ol' tunes and "Jealous Guy" comes on.. The whistling part is coming so I can't whistle never have been able to comes on..

Me: making some screeching noise

Grant: looks over his shoulder

Son: :|

Me: I am so jealous!! I can't whistle

Son: :| lemme see

Me: *gurgle screech :|*

Grant: :mohawk: :| :)

Me: looking at Grant all whiney now: I can't roll my fucking tongue either, everyone else can

Grant: like how?

Me: making odd faces, looking ridiculous

Grant: :|

Son: WTF?

Me: See if you can, and at first he "can't"

Son: "like this" and successfully his tongue looks like a lil taco

Me: FUCK

Grant: still nothing so I clap giddily cause I don't feel left out

Son: "no like this" does it AGAIN successfully

Grant: "Oh like this" and does it without a thought

Me: "Fuck you"

Grant: :| then laughs

Son: laughs and keeps tongue rolled

[Gemme]

We're all groovin' smokin' and chillin listening to some ol' tunes and "Jealous Guy" comes on.. The whistling part is coming so I can't whistle never have been able to comes on..

Me: making some screeching noise

Grant: looks over his shoulder

Son: :|

Me: I am so jealous!! I can't whistle

Son: :| lemme see

Me: *gurgle screech :|*

Grant: :mohawk: :| :)

Me: looking at Grant all whiney now: I can't roll my fucking tongue either, everyone else can

Grant: like how?

Me: making odd faces, looking ridiculous

Grant: :|

Son: WTF?

Me: See if you can, and at first he "can't"

Son: "like this" and successfully his tongue looks like a lil taco

Me: FUCK

Grant: still nothing so I clap giddily cause I don't feel left out

Son: "no like this" does it AGAIN successfully

Grant: "Oh like this" and does it without a thought

Me: "Fuck you"

Grant: :| then laughs

Son: laughs and keeps tongue rolled

The tongue shaping stuff is genetic. Either you have the gene or not.

I'll try to remember not to whistle when I'm around you.

:blink:

[The_Lady_Snow]

In bed talking about animal morphing abilities:

Grant: Snake!

Me: (making rattling noise) at least i'd warn ya before death

Him: yes i know (while either stroking my hair or plotting escape)

Me: i could of picked a cobra and killed you silently (while making sound)

Him: you make the best animal sounds

Me: I know!! *tee hee*

:|

[betenoire]

Nick says:
maryland is THIS close to passing same-sex marriage
Brandy says:
that's why they call it Mary Land

[Gemme]

Ebon (as he rolls one of his cigs): I think these are made with rat poison.

*looks at me*

Ebon: I'm still going to smoke them though.

:blink:

[T D]

Me: Well "they" have a lot more money than me, I can't afford to buy blah blah blah.

Mom: Well if you'd stop buying clothes you could.

Me: And how do you know what clothes I do and don't have, have you ever been to my house?

Mom: Well no.

Me: None of you have ever been to my house.

Point made.... don't be commentin to me about chit you know nothin about.

[Gentle Tiger]

The tongue shaping stuff is genetic. Either you have the gene or not.

I'll try to remember not to whistle when I'm around you.

:blink:

I'll try to remember too. But I most likely will forget because I enjoy whistling.

[betenoire]

On my lunch break at work last night I went to Burger King (because it's right next door) to get an iced coffee. I ran into a coworker there.

Coworker: HEY HEY HEY! Good to see you! I guess this means we both got Raptured!
Me: Yeah, cuz I'm sure there's fucking Burger King in heaven. F'real.