Polyamory

[Apocalipstic]

So in the past I always thought of being poly as having a primary partner and then date or see other people.

Is it still considered poly if the primary relationship involves three people?

Not that it matters what it's called, but I wondered if anyone else is in or has been in a three or more person relationship, or is it more usual to keep things separate? Seeing one person at a time, rather than together?

Whatever its called I am as happy as I have been in years. (f) Yeay!

[rlin]

So in the past I always thought of being poly as having a primary partner and then date or see other people.

Is it still considered poly if the primary relationship involves three people?

Not that it matters what it's called, but I wondered if anyone else is in or has been in a three or more person relationship, or is it more usual to keep things separate? Seeing one person at a time, rather than together?

Whatever its called I am as happy as I have been in years. (f) Yeay!

i love this!! isnt it great when you and yours are the only fukn things that matter!

[lipstixgal]

I'm having a hard time meeting one good butch let alone two or three??

[The_Lady_Snow]

Everyone's poly is different, some of us like to keep things separate but honest. As for your relationships those are yours and if you're happy fuck everyone else. Life is to short when one is deep down in healthy, fun, sexy, hot times!

[ravfem]

So in the past I always thought of being poly as having a primary partner and then date or see other people.

Is it still considered poly if the primary relationship involves three people?

Not that it matters what it's called, but I wondered if anyone else is in or has been in a three or more person relationship, or is it more usual to keep things separate? Seeing one person at a time, rather than together?

Whatever its called I am as happy as I have been in years. (f) Yeay!

i consider it "polyamorous" if the primary relationship involves more than 2 people, yes.

i think the "norm" is still to have one person as a primary, and any others as secondary or whatever they want to label it.

i am in love with 2 wonderful people...i am owned by only one of them, but the depth of the love i feel for the other is just as intense and real.

The very best of luck to you all, apoc!! (f)(f)(f)

[HighMainFemme]

I don't think anyone can define another's polyamorous relationship. I had a primary, a secondary, and those who were special friends with benefits. Now I have a primary and friends with benefits. I don't think I am any more or less poly in either circumstance.
I had some close friends we called "the triad" because all three were in a relationship together. Yes, I would definitely call them poly.
My best friend works her poly very differently than I do, in that she doesn't believe in primary and secondary, but instead believes all are equally important and loved. I definitely don't consider her any less or more poly than I am.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, define your own version of poly, be 100% honest and know what you want, or at least have an idea going in.

And, if I may offer some advice from my own personal experience...
Be wary of getting into a polyamorous relationship with someone who states they are poly, yet has no other partners. Sometimes the thought of being poly sounds great, then when they get into it... they realize they dont share well.
again.. my own personal experience.

[Mister Bent]

I recommend reading Tristan Taormino's book, Opening Up to anyone considering a non-monogamous relationship structure - they come in all configurations. As HighMainFemme said, there is a lot of room for self-definition.

[MysticOceansFL]

Not interested in the least dating more than one to me thats just asking for trouble and heartache in the long run.

[HighMainFemme]

I recommend reading Tristan Taormino's book, Opening Up to anyone considering a non-monogamous relationship structure - they come in all configurations. As HighMainFemme said, there is a lot of room for self-definition.


My first read was The Ethical Slut. It had some good information.
... I kinda liked the name too :p

[The_Lady_Snow]

Not interested in the least dating more than one to me thats just asking for trouble and heartache in the long run.

I understand your dating preferences and support them, just as I hope you support ours in a thread that is under Sex BDSM Kink and LOVE and a Poly thread.

I personally do not feel that poly equates trouble nor heartache. I have found poly to be satisfying. It's important we remember just cause you don't have an interest or you have a bad taste for it that there are those that have AMAZING relationships

That's to bad you had such bad experiences.

[Mister Bent]

Not interested in the least dating more than one to me thats just asking for trouble and heartache in the long run.


While I have little interest in pursuing a polyamorous relationship again, I think dating more than one person at a time is relatively healthy, and normal. It's kind of a thing people seem to have forgotten about, instead jumping far too quickly into ultimately incompatible pairings. That's what leads to trouble and heartache, in my experience.

[Julie]

Poly is as the others have said, much different for everybody. I cannot sleep with multiple people - My brain can only handle one intimate partner at a time -- That does not mean that my partner could not handle multiple partners and obviously for me, it would be based on their relationship and the dynamic they shared to be clear how I would feel. I have always had issues being another persons everything, so being with someone who is interested in seeing others is almost a relief for me (I am pretty selfish in my world). Though, I would have to be primary in that relationship (This I Know) - I could definitely see myself there and supporting my partner, should they choose to bring in another.

Phewwww - I hope that made sense!

[Martina]

i am in a relationship with a couple. They are in a primary relationship with one another. i am their sub.

the last time i did poly before, i was seeing two people who each had another person in their lives. Neither had a primary. Each of us - all three of us -- had two important people in our lives. No primaries. The two people i saw knew each other, had had coffee and used to text one another. But they did not socialize. i liked the poly partner of one, but not of the other. i rarely saw either of their other folks actually. Once in a while. But we all knew each other.

i do not do the don't ask, don't tell thing. Everyone must know and acknowledge everyone else's place in everyone's lives. Respect and acknowledgement all around.

i disagree about not being in a poly relationship with someone who isn't seeing someone else. The model of everyone having one primary and then folks on the side is not, as the OP indicates, universal.

i am not anybody's primary. i have my reasons for that. But i want love and family and fun. i get them all in my poly. The situation i have now is ideal.

[Apocalipstic]

I'm having a hard time meeting one good butch let alone two or three??

I do feel incredibly blessed and lucky all at once. :)

[Apocalipstic]

This is not something I planned, it just happened and it is healing me in ways I never thought possible.

Being in love with ANYONE is taking a huge chance for heartbreak, but for me it is so worth it and no matter what happens It can't be worse than so many things I have lived through and come out stronger from.

There is so little love in the world, I can't wrap my mind around not loving and accepting love to keep from heartbreak.

So many great answers! Thank you all.

Mr. Bent, I will order that book. We did not say, oh, we are going to be poly and look for a poly partner, we just all clicked and the love is flowing.

Martina, you rock as always! Thank you for your insight.

Nieve, muchos besos a ti y a Grant.

Infinite, I agree that my partner having someone else to help fill her needs takes huge pressure off me....though I can be intimate with more than one person at a time.

HMF, I love how it sounds like you make your own choices and are proud and fierce.

Rlin, I am as happy as I have been in so long. TU!

[Random]

Congradulations sweetie...

It's amazing isn't it?

[honeybarbara]

So in the past I always thought of being poly as having a primary partner and then date or see other people.

Is it still considered poly if the primary relationship involves three people?

Not that it matters what it's called, but I wondered if anyone else is in or has been in a three or more person relationship, or is it more usual to keep things separate? Seeing one person at a time, rather than together?

Whatever its called I am as happy as I have been in years. (f) Yeay!

Fab!!! that's wonderful news!! xx

Most of my friends who are "poly", their norm is to have no primary. They tend not to like the term "primary" either. They consider all partners important in their own relationship and find the word "primary" to be heirarchial (which, for me, it was and I liked it that way).

I was in a triad, and each of us had external people, but we were utterly smitten (we thought madly in love) with each other. Unfortunately after six months, the communication broke down (including myself. but I was only 23!) and we broke. But we still stayed very close friends for almost 10 years. there was a good bond there.

I called myself non-monogamous, rather than poly because I was not interested in relationships with others and my heart belonged ONLY to my partner, I was very emotionally monog. however, fucking about with VERY clear boundaries and clear agreements was a-okay by me. I no longer called people I occasionally screwed around with "secondaries" as I didn't really see them in that light. they were either one night stands, afternoon fun, a booty call or a good friend that on rare occasion, we screwed with no planned repeat.

Polyamorous means many loves. that didn't describe me. But it describes many of my friends who very much love and respect all of their partners. What a lovely thing to have such a big and flexible romantic heart and be able to function communicatively with people really living up to their end of the deal with desire to keep the cohesion.

I also know maybe two who love no one. care very much for their "lovers" but probably would rather jump in a tank of tigers than to feel real deep romantic love and intimacy for one or more. I wouldn't call them friends but I'm well aquainted with them and don't have much respect for them. They don't really dick anyone around per say, but I don't see much I can relate to, and I don't think their choices (young, very young, 20 years their Jr) are very kind.

There are people I respect in monogamy, non-monogamy and poly. And there are people in all those groups who are utter assholes.

I am glad, however, you have found some joy :D xx

that worked best for me.

[HighMainFemme]

i disagree about not being in a poly relationship with someone who isn't seeing someone else. The model of everyone having one primary and then folks on the side is not, as the OP indicates, universal.


Just to clear something up, I didnt mean to imply that anyone should base all of their relationship choices on whether or not the other person has a partner. I simply put out a warning that sometimes (and this has been my experience on more than one occasion) those who think they are poly and have not had experience with it, sometimes find it difficult to share.

With that said, my primary partner and I have been together for 7 years and he has never been poly himself, but has been with others who were. I respect his choice to be monogamous, as he respects mine to be poly. So, it definitely can work, beautifully so, but I have had it go the other way as well.

[honeybarbara]

Just to clear something up, I didnt mean to imply that anyone should base all of their relationship choices on whether or not the other person has a partner. I simply put out a warning that sometimes (and this has been my experience on more than one occasion) those who think they are poly and have not had experience with it, sometimes find it difficult to share.

With that said, my primary partner and I have been together for 7 years and he has never been poly himself, but has been with others who were. I respect his choice to be monogamous, as he respects mine to be poly. So, it definitely can work, beautifully so, but I have had it go the other way as well.

I have as well. I had one extremely good relationship for four and a half years with a guy who was not non-monog. He was very monogamous. we worked it out with rules we could both agree to and feel relatively safe in. My next long term partnership was the same - she had never been and didn't want to be. However at one point she thought it would be ok if she fooled around at conferences and left it at that. I let her experiment first before I went ahead. It did make the transition much easier, imo.

I always set the rules of it within what the comfort levels were.

However, I am monog now. I married a lovely woman who is strictly monog and just doesn't feel comfortable or safe with any non-monogamy. She did *try* at the begining of the relationship but was unable. So I then tried monogamy - I had to get over some very deep fears about monogamy if it was to work. And, it does. it's been some work for her to really accept non-monogamy as a not threating idea (my past) and she still has some work left to do about accepting poly (her constant cry is "I don't get it. where the HELL do people find the time for more than one partner?? WHERE?? and all that communication and working things out times two or three... ugh NO!" lol. I do understand what she's saying but I also understand a very different headset and how the dynamics work - she has no other reference point.

Plus unfortunately to only poly people she's met have been stuck up "I'm more evolved than monogamous people/I'm a FREE person... " types. Which unfortunately doesn't help. But she's getting to know some of my poly friends who are far more down to earth and aren't so... self deceptive about how evolved they are (bullshit you have to deal with happens in all relationships! It's how you deal with it, not with how many people).

I don't miss non-monog. Not even slightly. I really enjoyed it when I did it and now I'm in this type of relationship with zero issues and I adore (well I must do, I'm married monogamously now). Both were/are fabulous. :)

[Cajun_dee]

i consider it "polyamorous" if the primary relationship involves more than 2 people, yes.

i think the "norm" is still to have one person as a primary, and any others as secondary or whatever they want to label it.

i am in love with 2 wonderful people...i am owned by only one of them, but the depth of the love i feel for the other is just as intense and real.

The very best of luck to you all, apoc!! (f)(f)(f)


I am in exactly the same situation.. It is SO grand! I am the happiest that I've ever been... I always knew I was wired for *family*... and being this happy and content is proof...

[Random]

Honey Babs...

I love what you said... It hit the nail right on the head for me...

I am poly, but my sweetheart is just that.. my sweetheart... Not a person in the world can take her place..

she, like your inky, isn't poly, but tried very hard to accept it... Nope... didn't work...(hmmm wonder if it's my liking for strong independent agressive butches who are submissive to ME but no one else?) so I tried being monogomus... It didn't work for me...(panic attack) For me being poly is about my right to own my own body and heart... It's mine to do as I please with... It has nothing to do with my relationship...

So we compromise.... Open relationship... She knows that she is home and I have the address etched into my heart and I don't feel like the noose is around my neck, the cage door is slamming, and that someone is is control of my body and heart..

I am hoping one day for a triad.. down the road a stretch.. I'm lucky.. My sweetheart always wants to be dynamic, not static and doesn't rule anything out...

[Cajun_dee]

funny how things work out..

Living poly feels like the most natural and wonderful thing to me.. its so easy.
I am Blessed x 2 ~

[Apocalipstic]

funny how things work out..

Living poly feels like the most natural and wonderful thing to me.. its so easy.
I am Blessed x 2 ~

That is how I feel.

I really liked what HB said about not doing the "primary/secondary" rank thing. At this point, I see no need for that.

Nothing lasts forever, but I am a great ex, so if things get weird I will handle it. But right now, this makes so much sense.

I love the idea of being "wired for family". for LOVE.

In my youth I was very cut off and not able to give love like I can now, maybe I am making up for lost time.

[Cajun_dee]

That is how I feel.

I really liked what HB said about not doing the "primary/secondary" rank thing. At this point, I see no need for that.

Nothing lasts forever, but I am a great ex, so if things get weird I will handle it. But right now, this makes so much sense.

I love the idea of being "wired for family". for LOVE.

In my youth I was very cut off and not able to give love like I can now, maybe I am making up for lost time.


Honestly I find great Honor in being Second Wife.. I don't ever feel secondary, second best or second rate, I am in a wonderful position as Second Wife. I would not want it any other way.

[Apocalipstic]

Honestly I find great Honor in being Second Wife.. I don't ever feel secondary, second best or second rate, I am in a wonderful position as Second Wife. I would not want it any other way.


I think that is really cool. I am not sure how things will play out in our situation. I have been with Mr. Cynthia longer so I guess she could be First Butch? ;)

But seriously this was not planned so its more a free style/free verse kind of thing for us.

It will be interesting to see what happens.

For now I am beside myself with thankfulness!

You seem really happy and your photo is adorable!

[Cajun_dee]

I think that is really cool. I am not sure how things will play out in our situation. I have been with Mr. Cynthia longer so I guess she could be First Butch? ;)

But seriously this was not planned so its more a free style/free verse kind of thing for us.

It will be interesting to see what happens.

For now I am beside myself with thankfulness!

You seem really happy and your photo is adorable!


Thank you!!!! Ours was not planned either.. but little did we know its been in the works by the Universe for a few years now..

[aurora]

My sweet spirit sister Sassy, Numbers matter so little in never-never land anyway. I am very happy to have you here in this loving triangle of marriage. You are a wonderful fit and energy balancer...the universe somehow led us all to this place where the strengths, talents, weaknesses and emotions of 3 strong people merged into the perfect chemistry.

We have all found paradise between the woodstove, the temple and the hot-tub...and you are an equal third in that triangle.

[Cajun_dee]

My sweet spirit sister Sassy, Numbers matter so little in never-never land anyway. I am very happy to have you here in this loving triangle of marriage. You are a wonderful fit and energy balancer...the universe somehow led us all to this place where the strengths, talents, weaknesses and emotions of 3 strong people merged into the perfect chemistry.

We have all found paradise between the woodstove, the temple and the hot-tub...and you are an equal third in that triangle.

I just saw this, thank you dear Sister! It is an amazing place to be <3

[Apocalipstic]

Maybe I need a new thread for this, but I wanted to discuss ways of coping with issues of polyamory...and yes, I have ordered the book Mr. Bent suggested, and a couple of others for good measure. Already should have, but I guess I needed to learn the hard way I need guidance. lol.

PMS times 3 is insane for example. lol. Yes, I have had a hysterectomy, but I have one fiendishly evil ovary left. :praying:

Emotions can be pretty overwhelming from more than one direction...

Yes, I am very blessed to have the love of two women, but if it is difficult to have a relationship with one woman, more than one does compound the epic complexity of it all....

It will be interesting to see how it all plays out in my head.

[Cajun_dee]

Maybe I need a new thread for this, but I wanted to discuss ways of coping with issues of polyamory...and yes, I have ordered the book Mr. Bent suggested, and a couple of others for good measure. Already should have, but I guess I needed to learn the hard way I need guidance. lol.

PMS times 3 is insane for example. lol. Yes, I have had a hysterectomy, but I have one fiendishly evil ovary left. :praying:

Emotions can be pretty overwhelming from more than one direction...

Yes, I am very blessed to have the love of two women, but if it is difficult to have a relationship with one woman, more than one does compound the epic complexity of it all....

It will be interesting to see how it all plays out in my head.


I too have the ovary issue left. Bless you. It's hard to tell when it's *that time* or me just being me.

Only on this journey for a few months now, I am learning quite a bit. The emotions do play a HUGE part in things, and gawd knows how emotional women can be. Loving two people this much can become quite complex. (In a good way for me)

I can say that so far the key has been open communication and understanding. We all go thru stuff. Does it make it feel better? Nope, but after the emotional roller coaster comes to a stop you are left with a stronger more powerful bond.

[Apocalipstic]

I too have the ovary issue left. Bless you. It's hard to tell when it's *that time* or me just being me.

Only on this journey for a few months now, I am learning quite a bit. The emotions do play a HUGE part in things, and gawd knows how emotional women can be. Loving two people this much can become quite complex. (In a good way for me)

I can say that so far the key has been open communication and understanding. We all go thru stuff. Does it make it feel better? Nope, but after the emotional roller coaster comes to a stop you are left with a stronger more powerful bond.

It has only been 3 months for us and I admit there are rough patches I am not sure how to deal with...but we are all honest and have a great need to communicate.

I am right there with you on the ovary thing...it may just all just be me being me, and I am blaming my poor lonely ovary. Laugh.

We have a vacation together soon and I can't wait to have a few days together. :)

Thank you for your sweet response. :)

Jen

[ravfem]

Issues come up, sometimes even ones you think aren't gonna be an issue at all. And i agree, it is difficult to have an always healthy, positive relationship with more than one person. Complex is a great way to describe it.

For me, it helped tremendously that i had several people (also polyamorous) in my life to go to for support and to talk to about my personal issues. At times they could tell me how they handled something similar & the outcome (whether it was positive or not); other times they just let me vent and acted as a great support system for me.

Obviously, i can only speak from that great space known as mine. But i do wish you luck, sweetie. :gimmehug:


Maybe I need a new thread for this, but I wanted to discuss ways of coping with issues of polyamory...and yes, I have ordered the book Mr. Bent suggested, and a couple of others for good measure. Already should have, but I guess I needed to learn the hard way I need guidance. lol.

PMS times 3 is insane for example. lol. Yes, I have had a hysterectomy, but I have one fiendishly evil ovary left. :praying:

Emotions can be pretty overwhelming from more than one direction...

Yes, I am very blessed to have the love of two women, but if it is difficult to have a relationship with one woman, more than one does compound the epic complexity of it all....

It will be interesting to see how it all plays out in my head.

[Apocalipstic]

Issues come up, sometimes even ones you think aren't gonna be an issue at all. And i agree, it is difficult to have an always healthy, positive relationship with more than one person. Complex is a great way to describe it.

For me, it helped tremendously that i had several people (also polyamorous) in my life to go to for support and to talk to about my personal issues. At times they could tell me how they handled something similar & the outcome (whether it was positive or not); other times they just let me vent and acted as a great support system for me.

Obviously, i can only speak from that great space known as mine. But i do wish you luck, sweetie. :gimmehug:

Except for you all here, I don't know in person anyone who lives like we do to talk to this about except for each other. I wish we all lived closer. :)

I would love love love to talk it out with someone.

I do know people who are Poly, but they have one primary partner and see other people if they want to.

So here I am, thankful for any advice you can share with me :).

[ravfem]

i agree it would be great if we all lived within a decent distance of those we'd like to.... it truly sucks to feel alone when you really really want to be able to talk to someone who gets it.

And, honestly.... i don't have much worthwhile advice, unfortunately... just the usual stuff of talk talk and talk some more, be honest and open....don't keep the "negative" stuff inside cause all it's gonna do is fester...it never goes away by being ignored or shoved down deep inside...at least for me, anyway. The issues that i've been able to successfully deal with are the ones where i talked about them directly and frankly and usually repeating myself over & over.

i know this is pretty much standard advice for any type of relationship.... but seriously, it's sound advice cause 'it works if you work it'. The hardest part for me is workin it....

All i know is it was scary as heck for me when an issue would pop up. i would immediately start stressing and would have to fight the very strong urge to just shut down and withdraw, thinking i would make them upset or irritated or, the worst possible scenario in my head..... they'd decide i wasn't a good fit for them anymore.

Under ideal conditions, it's a fine balance, trying to make sure everyone is feeling emotionally fulfilled. Add issues, and it can go bad, fast if the issues aren't dealt with in the most healthiest way possible, quickly.

Any chance of trying to find out if there is a therapist-type person who is at least familiar & open regarding polyamory around you? i'd love to help you try & find out, if you're willing to share your city info with me.

Except for you all here, I don't know in person anyone who lives like we do to talk to this about except for each other. I wish we all lived closer. :)

I would love love love to talk it out with someone.

I do know people who are Poly, but they have one primary partner and see other people if they want to.

So here I am, thankful for any advice you can share with me :).

[Apocalipstic]

I am in Nashville. :)

and would appreciate any help you can give.

I do have books arriving today and am trying to talk and talk and keep things on an even keel.

[rlin]

I am in Nashville. :)

and would appreciate any help you can give.

I do have books arriving today and am trying to talk and talk and keep things on an even keel.

i am no expert on anything... but i got lotsa experience with the 1 ovary blues :(

and... also with dealing with folks when -it- matters...
that doesnt mean i know how to do it... but...

maybe instead of looking only at troubles you should check out advice on how to live in a house w 3 sets of hormones...
the hell of it is the fact that we become insync... something simple can make all the difference when absolutely nothing is making sense...

[Apocalipstic]

i am no expert on anything... but i got lotsa experience with the 1 ovary blues :(

and... also with dealing with folks when -it- matters...
that doesnt mean i know how to do it... but...

maybe instead of looking only at troubles you should check out advice on how to live in a house w 3 sets of hormones...
the hell of it is the fact that we become insync... something simple can make all the difference when absolutely nothing is making sense...

I am so sorry if I sounded like it is all negative, its not at all. :)

We are getting close to being insync I think, except with me its hard to tell. lol. But yeah, learning how to handle multiple hormones is a great idea, I will research that. :)

Again, not looking for troubles, just as time passes, I get more realistic about the complexity of it all.

[ravfem]

howdy R :)

and yeah, the frickin hormones run amuck can seriously derail anything. Not that i know from personal experience or nuthin....


i am no expert on anything... but i got lotsa experience with the 1 ovary blues :(

and... also with dealing with folks when -it- matters...
that doesnt mean i know how to do it... but...

maybe instead of looking only at troubles you should check out advice on how to live in a house w 3 sets of hormones...
the hell of it is the fact that we become insync... something simple can make all the difference when absolutely nothing is making sense...

[rlin]

I am so sorry if I sounded like it is all negative, its not at all. :)

We are getting close to being insync I think, except with me its hard to tell. lol. But yeah, learning how to handle multiple hormones is a great idea, I will research that. :)

Again, not looking for troubles, just as time passes, I get more realistic about the complexity of it all.

you actually sound happy as a pig in shit...
my post was wrong... i only meant... sometimes nothing is wrong but hormones givn us funky ideas about stuff!

didnt mean to not make sense... but... thats one of the things i am good at...

[Cajun_dee]

Except for you all here, I don't know in person anyone who lives like we do to talk to this about except for each other. I wish we all lived closer. :)

I would love love love to talk it out with someone.

I do know people who are Poly, but they have one primary partner and see other people if they want to.

So here I am, thankful for any advice you can share with me :).

We do not live this way. We are happy with the 3 of us. :):):)

[Cajun_dee]

yes she does sound very happy!

It takes one by surprise when emotions that we have never experienced before catch us off guard. We don't know what to do with it!

What I have seen us go through here is that we love and care for each other so much, we want things to be perfect. If one of us is off kilter, the other two notice and want to *fix it*. Sometimes we experience things we need to feel, no one can do that for us. So we are learning to just say *I am fine, I just need some personal space*... and that is respected. When I want to spend time alone I can come into the quiet of my room, close my door and just be. I know as a person I like personal space. I haven't had lots of it in my life and I do enjoy it, especially when I am dealing with something. It doesn't mean that an action has to take place, or that someone has upset me. It's hard to communicate when emotional and I usually end up crying my eyes out feeling guilty for upsetting the other two over absolutely nothing but me and my hormonal self.



Sometimes I just need a beating and I am learning to ask for that release. Once I conquer that part I will be ahead of the game I think!

I read a quote that hit home.. *A life without challenges is a life without growth*..

wow that was quite a ramble lol

[Apocalipstic]

We do not live this way. We are happy with the 3 of us. :):):)

yes she does sound very happy!

It takes one by surprise when emotions that we have never experienced before catch us off guard. We don't know what to do with it!

What I have seen us go through here is that we love and care for each other so much, we want things to be perfect. If one of us is off kilter, the other two notice and want to *fix it*. Sometimes we experience things we need to feel, no one can do that for us. So we are learning to just say *I am fine, I just need some personal space*... and that is respected. When I want to spend time alone I can come into the quiet of my room, close my door and just be. I know as a person I like personal space. I haven't had lots of it in my life and I do enjoy it, especially when I am dealing with something. It doesn't mean that an action has to take place, or that someone has upset me. It's hard to communicate when emotional and I usually end up crying my eyes out feeling guilty for upsetting the other two over absolutely nothing but me and my hormonal self.



Sometimes I just need a beating and I am learning to ask for that release. Once I conquer that part I will be ahead of the game I think!

I read a quote that hit home.. *A life without challenges is a life without growth*..

wow that was quite a ramble lol


We are happy just the 3 of us too! :)

And I totally get the "when one of us is off kilter" thing. We all want everything to be perfect too, and are constantly trying to fix everything and yes...stepping back is what is needed to get perspective.

Hormones suck.

LOL

[aurora]

Yup emotions are part of the package regardless of if they are hormonal, old baggage, or feeling that a need is requiring more attention. From what I have read in many poly sites it is actually not common to have more than 2 people in a household, so having all of the poly relationship under one roof is not talked about a lot. Usually it is the primary wife and a girl on the side for occasional dates. And on these sites emotions, most often insecurity and jealousy are the biggest topics of discussion...it is a complex and very natural human emotion that requires huge amounts of communication to cure or prevent.
The good news is that by entering a situation where constant communication and checking in with each other is absolutely required for the survival of the relationship, there is a tendency to never take each other for granted... you know that numbing effect that allows bad relationships to run much longer than they really should.
For me, and I am learning to deal with this, jealousy is a bit like a cancer of the mind and spirit, once recognised and acknowledged it needs to be treated quickly and either a cure or a management strategy put into place. In a poly relationship, this treating the disease is essential, where as in a mono relationship it can be ignored or even delighted in.
Emotions are such a part of complex human interactions.

[aurora]

I am very blessed to be in a relationship with two extremely loving and understanding women who I love with all my heart, and who love me so very much. In our home we all look to a lifetime together so all glitches and emotional moments are put in the context of a much bigger picture and a very long term. I am very loved and happy to have a life-long love and friendship with Syr Bebo and my sweet sister Sassy.

[Cajun_dee]

The journey is a lifelong one. It would be very easy if we just didn't care so damn much about each other. When there is a deep love and caring involved it sure intensifies the smallest things.
:awww::love1::drool:

[Apocalipstic]

Things are not working out...but that glimmer of perfect happiness was well worth all the associated drama.

Not sure what the future will hold or if I will be Poly as I move forward....but I am not opposed, but time will tell. I can see where if it were the right people it could be a beautiful thing.