Clutching Your Virtual Pearls

[June]

:sheep:You know how when something alarming, surprising, horrifying or just downright ignorant happens and your hand immediately goes for your own throat? (Usually because it's illegal to go for someone elses!)

Tell me what made you Clutch Your Virtual Pearls.

Okay. I'll start:

We're remodeling our kitchen. We started the week after Labor Day. For the most part, it's gone pretty smoothly...We bought new cabinets and decided to have them lacquered black, and we're now two weeks into this process. The sub contractor who was assigned to this job (AKA The Meth Head Cabinet Painter) screws something up, tries to fix it, then screws something else up in the process. Today, I was once again patiently (In my own special June way) trying to explain to him that he shouldn't put his thumb where he just sprayed Lacquer, I lost it.

Instead of punching him, I simply Clutched My Virtual Pearls and fired him.

Thanks. I feel better now.

:sheep:

[MrSunshine]

That would just make me clutch my virtual wallet.

[June]

That would just make me clutch my virtual wallet.

Thread Infraction: Not following format. Post Ignored.
Who are you and how did you get here? Oh. Nevermind.

Inviting Deady to The Planet is now making me CMVP.

:sheep:

[PearlsNLace]

Aw man, I found this thread to be such a tease. Here I was hoping to be Virtually Clutched.

[June]

Aw man, I found this thread to be such a tease. Here I was hoping to be Virtually Clutched.

CVPNL

There you go. Now, tell us a story.

:sheep:

[MrSunshine]

Thread Infraction: Not following format. Post Ignored.
Who are you and how did you get here? Oh. Nevermind.

Inviting Deady to The Planet is now making me CMVP.

:sheep:


the last letter is pearls right?

[June]

the last letter is pearls right?

Pearls, Penis. Whatever. Just keep your Spooge to yourself.

:sheep:

[MrSunshine]

Aw man, I found this thread to be such a tease. Here I was hoping to be Virtually Clutched.


consider yourself VC :pirate:

[Mister Bent]

the last letter is pearls right?

Pearls, Penis. Whatever. Just keep your Spooge to yourself.

:sheep:

Yeah, see, I was gonna say penis, because sometimes something realllllyyyy scary happens that makes for me to grab my virtual penis. Protecting the family jewels and all. Jewels, like pearls, virtually.

g m v p.

Deady, we may need to start a thread.

I'll bring the bacon.

[MrSunshine]

Pearls, Penis. Whatever. Just keep your Spooge to yourself.

:sheep:


Here's a story. When I spooge I bring enough for everyone. Clutch that.

[MrSunshine]

Yeah, see, I was gonna say penis, because sometimes something realllllyyyy scary happens that makes for me to grab my virtual penis. Protecting the family jewels and all. Jewels, like pearls, virtually.

g m v p.

Deady, we may need to start a thread.

I'll bring the bacon.


Right on! We can CVB

[Mister Bent]

Here's a story. When I spooge I bring enough for everyone. Clutch that.

Right on! We can CVB

That's a lot of spooge.

You're going to need more than CVB to keep production up. <insert flaccid flower smiley here>

[suebee]

I've been clutching my virtual pearls for the last couple of weeks trying to contain my natural talent for snark. Can I :floatbee: snarky on this thread Junie? Can I :floatbee:, can I :floatbee:?

:sheep: <<<<Do I have to post one of these each time???

[PearlsNLace]

Ok you wanna clutching story, I have one.

Recently I made a poor choice to go on a lengthy road trip right after I had a pretty big fender bender with my car.

On the way home from said road trip I blew a head gasket. And warped the Aluminum casing of the engine. ( I know a little about car repair but this is SO out of my element for me)

The car also, seperate from this, needs new shocks and new tires. And now, thanks to the fender bender, a new radiator. OOPS.

SO when I realized my car now needed over 5 thousand dollars worth of repairs? OH MY GOSH. I was CMVP for sure. The car is, sadly going to be going to the scrap yard.

I hitched a ride home from where I was stranded. And now I ride the bus.

OUCH!

[June]

Sue! Public condoning of Snark might make the Admins CTVP. However if you would like to interject little "Pearls" into this thread, please feel free.

I would never force sheep on anyone! Even the thought MMCMVP!

:sheep:

[Mister Bent]

June, since you called me a name (pretty sure that's improper use of repping, but whatev!) I take it you are dissatisified with my derailing (I'd like to add that Deady started it <insert tossing under the bus here> ).

Here is where I will confess that I only derailed with penis talk because, well, I feel inadequate and ashamed. I don't understand pearl clutching and the context in which you would like us to use it.

Perchance you have a video demonstration? Even some simple written instruction might assist my comprehension.

With thanks and appreciation,

Bent (aka, "little bastard")

[MrSunshine]

There will be no more cmvp because it is now flat thanks to the Bent one...talk about dragging your tail behind you!

[June]

YouTube- How to measure your penis...WITHOUT CHEATING!!

Dear LB,

I hope this helps.

:sheep:

Clutching YOUR VP on my way out.

[SuperFemme]

I'm clutching my pearls cuz June just made me realize I have a teensy peen. :vampire:

[MrSunshine]

we all have the right to brag

[Mister Bent]

I'm clutching my pearls cuz June just made me realize I have a teensy peen. :vampire:


Did you do it right?

You didn't measure from your testicles, did you?

[MrSunshine]

Did you do it right?

You didn't measure from your testicles, did you?


I did but they are 2 feet away in a draw.

[Bit]

CMVP cuz I just watched that youtube.... :twitch:



............has anyone noticed that the fartguy in the middle of the icons makes the vampire girl freak out, who then makes the spanking commence?

[suebee]

CMVP 'cause I was just about to have a banana for a snack and suddenly it doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. :badmood:

[June]

YouTube- THE SWALLOWS ~ IT AIN`T THE MEAT ~ 1951 .

C Y'all's VP/P's

[Mister Bent]

June.

Now I'm really confused.

What does meat/motion have to do with pearl clutching?



O wait...



I didn't know you meant that kind of pearl necklace!

Now it all makes sense.

Duh.

[Arwen]

I CMVP last night when a customer came into chat and DEMANDED that I turn his phone back on. Even after explaining that I could not (wrong department) and telling him how to contact the right department (easy as pressing three keys on your phone, fella), I was thoroughly cursed out.

Unfortunately I could not do anything but I wanted to :vampire:at him.

[June]

Mr. Bent is making me wish for a Catch & Release Program. Reel it in, poke at it, set it free and hope that it survives elsewhere.

:sheep:

PS - Sue has a lot of pearls to clutch. It warms my cockles.

[Mister Bent]

June, I really am trying to understand.

I'll try to sit and just pay attention.

But Deady really did start it.

[June]

June, I really am trying to understand.

I'll try to sit and just pay attention.

But Deady really did start it.


Why? Whatever do you mean, Sir?

CMVP & Smirking.

(You see, I'm old and have a short little span of attention)

[Jet]

Coming into the thread as Klinger from MASH.

What made me clutch my virtual Klinger pearls?

When my best friends daughter who was 10, decided to clean my car (as a surprise) using an SOS pad on the paint job.

Yeah, they had insurance...yada yada...

[MrSunshine]

Why? Whatever do you mean, Sir?

CMVP & Smirking.

(You see, I'm old and have a short little span of attention)


short little string of pearls too

[atomiczombie]

Hmm...... I didn't come with a set of virtual pearls. I have a few other virtual things, but no pearls. ;)

[WILDCAT]

:rofl:

"It ain't the meat - it's the motion"?!! (BY the SWALLOWS!!!??????)Too darn funny, where on earth did you find this June? This must be the first X-rated 45, and what Frank Zappa must have listened to as a youth!

OK, my story, less dirty... less exciting: a more "alarming" kind of thang!

Yesterday I woke up to see a deer resting out in the yard, and later decided to go onto the back deck and take a photo. Well, there were two and I startled the one I didn't see, and they both felt like they had to move on. I felt a little bad then for disturbing their peace/space.

THEN, about 10 minutes later I heard LOUD gun fire, very close by. It is hunting season and I thought, "OH SHIT! Did I just flush out my friends here only to be SHOT"! AUGHHHHHHHHH!

Of course I had to walk up my driveway to see if I had a part in having one of these deer shot. My neighbor was up the road with a gun and I hollered to him, asking if he "hit anything"? He said, "no just getting ready to go down south to my brother's to hunt". He was shooting at a paper target to check/sight in his scope...

I was relieved. But, my heart was up in my throat when I heard that shot! This kids mother lives here as well and puts some feed out in the harsh winter months to help the deer survive. She owns a good bit of property too, and much of the land is private around here or leased... so no one can hunt on her property unless she has given permission. No one around here would shoot a deer right out in their yard, for that is not hunting to us - and/as we live together with the deer here. The deer only leave the area briefly when the hunters and campers come in on occasion. Thank goodness. They actually know our energy and our vehicle sounds and such. (I know that sounds strange, but true.)

OH GREAT! As I write there were just two gut shots on an opposite hill from me. It is DARK out now (?) Illegal to hunt at night here.

Fun ending to the story though - kinda. A buck GOT SOME! ;) My lady neighbor was driving up our road while I was standing there yelling out to her son, and while I was talking to her... my two deer came running past us on the hill behind her van and a buck was chasing them. It is "rutting season" here. The bucks are studding like CRAZY right now!

Horny bastards! :D (I feel like I am in "rutting" season, one with the deer!)

OK, this IS a little "dirty" after all! :p

Later...

*June, sorry about the crackhead cabinet painter guy. Than BLOWS! I've had so many problems with contractors here at my place throughout the years, just fucking up and trying to take advantage. I fired my last one too! I can't even write about that! That BASTARD!! I know how ya feel though.

[Arwen]

And tonight I'm CJVP (yes, I changed that) because I BROKE mine. Plans got changed that I was counting on and really really really IRKED me. I wanted to :argue: but instead I said :fart: to those :happyjump: who put me in a :badmood:. The end. No sheep required.

[Arwen]

Last night I got news from a family member that made me CMVP in utter and profound shock. I always thought *I* was the weird one in the family, but this family member takes the prize.

Kinda fun to find out that my older heavy construction working family member is TS/TG. But the pictures he sent did make me CMVP and remind him that we are family and, yes, there is such a thing as TMI with family members!

But rock on with your bad self, Tina! I just wish we wore the same size shoe because you have some rocking boots, girlfriend!

[labete]

Yesterday I CVMP. I've been doing that a fair bit lately, but this time it had nothing to do with my work. A friend of mine has been doing some work for my honey, mostly yardwork and clearing out her crawlspace, but she decided to ask him to help with her garage project. The garage is right under her bedroom, so she wanted to hang insulation then drywall the garage ceiling to help keep her bedroom warm in winter / cool in summer. She has all the materials, tools, ladder, etc.

She put him to work and left the garage to get other stuff done. Apparently his mind wasn't on the work, because he managed to first drive a nail through the main power line to the house (without getting electrocuted, a miracle) and then less than 3 minutes later drive a nail through the copper pipe leading out of the water heater just a couple of feet from the split/exposed power line, causing water to spew everywhere.

So in under 3 minutes, he took out the power, water, and furnace (blew a transformer and required a visit from an HVAC tech, in addition to the electrician and plumber), and put his life at risk from electrocution and a very angry butch.

All is well, now, but I was definitely CVMP.