Learning To Live Half-Alive?

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3

:deepthoughts: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[The_Lady_Snow]

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck:praying:

[lipstixgal]

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck:praying:

I think that's good advice~~ I am sorry you are hurting but you are better off with out her..

[The_Lady_Snow]

I think that's good advice~~ I am sorry you are hurting but you are better off with out her..

Thanks Gail, I hope you had a greaaaaaaaaaaaaat birthday with your friend at Temple.
:)

[bigbutchmistie]

Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3

:deepthoughts: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Snowy is right...

[lipstixgal]

Thanks Gail, I hope you had a greaaaaaaaaaaaaat birthday with your friend at Temple.
:)

Oh Thank you yes I did it was great!!

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I know.

I just wish I didn't love her... believe me, I do. I have always loved her... and what's happening right now seems like a nightmare - completely unbelievable. Illogical and confusing :(

[The_Lady_Snow]

I know.

I just wish I didn't love her... believe me, I do. I have always loved her... and what's happening right now seems like a nightmare - completely unbelievable. Illogical and confusing :(

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

[suebee]

I agree with Snowy. But I know that it's hard when YOU didn't want the relationship to end, and you are probably still feeling that you love her. I'm sure your heart is speaking to you in a loud voice right about now, telling you that it's broken. You're hurting, and probably you feel that you'll stop hurting if only she would come back. Just make sure you give your head, and what it has to tell you equal time. I'm sure if you put everything together it will come up with different advice than your heart does. It's hard, it hurts, but you WILL get through it. You need support. You have it here. I hope you have friends who are there for you, but it really DOES help to talk to a professional. They are there for you, and you only. You don't have to worry about taking up their time or about them judging you. That's what they're there for.

I wish you the strength you'll need to do what you have to to get on with your life.

Hugs,

Sue

[bigbutchmistie]

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

Amen :) Snowy is right again...

[WhiteTigress]

Prox,

Follow the advise that Snowy and the others have given you, and until you can get in with a counselor, spend time with other friends around you. Don't close yourself in, and don't stay alone all the time.

I speak from experience. My friends made sure that I went with them to do things, and it helped me heal. If you have other single friends who aren't out cruising, those are the best to hang out with. Perhaps hanging out with just couples will compound how you are feeling.

If all else fails, turn to us here at the Planet for support. We'll be here for you.

WT

[rlin]

the Snow post is spot on...
of course we know its not easy... part of the healing process is the work that is put in to fix the fucked uppedness of it all...
your logical brain will kick in when the anger does... thats lots easier to deal with...
of course... i dont know for sure that i would listen to shit that I had to say about matters of the heart... just sayin...

[Oiler41]

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck:praying:

Absolutely agree.

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

Again, absolutely agree.

I agree with Snowy. But I know that it's hard when YOU didn't want the relationship to end, and you are probably still feeling that you love her. I'm sure your heart is speaking to you in a loud voice right about now, telling you that it's broken. You're hurting, and probably you feel that you'll stop hurting if only she would come back. Just make sure you give your head, and what it has to tell you equal time. I'm sure if you put everything together it will come up with different advice than your heart does. It's hard, it hurts, but you WILL get through it. You need support. You have it here. I hope you have friends who are there for you, but it really DOES help to talk to a professional. They are there for you, and you only. You don't have to worry about taking up their time or about them judging you. That's what they're there for.

I wish you the strength you'll need to do what you have to to get on with your life.

Hugs,

Sue

And agree yet again.

Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey.

Regards,

Glynn

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I know for certain that it's not lust or co-dependency, but I appreciate your advice, all of you.

I know what I need to do. I guess my problem is trying to figure out how this happened, because... you don't throw away five years like that for someone you barely know. You just don't.

Thanks for the support... :bunchflowers:

[The_Lady_Snow]

Rational people don't, an alcoholic will, perhaps you've heard of Al-Anon? I think you may be able to move forward if you go to one of their meetings, since your logic seems to be blinded by something else.

Your ex is an alcoholic, you won't move on, you are now in charge of that pain leaving your space. She's not coming back, if she does it's gonna be ugly like before, and do you really wanna spend your youth on someone who doesn't care enough about themselves let alone you?

[girl_dee]

Take it as the Universe pushing your hand... alcoholics only have one real love. The booze will win everytime. Sorry it has to hurt so bad when this happens.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I've been to a meeting. I've been thinking about going to more, but I want to check out some meetings for myself, first, to help cope with my anxiety.

It's not that I'm hysterical or anything - I really hope y'all don't think I'm just having the fit of a lifetime... :lol2: I'm just feeling really... broken. I guess it's a devastation to lose not only my love, but my best friend.

Thank you.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday.

Damn women... :seeingstars: :lol2:

And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/

[WhiteTigress]

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

If you have the capability on your cell phone, block her number. She will only keep tearing the scabs off the wounds if you let her keep calling. Stop her now, for YOUR sake.

WT

[Soft*Silver]

these words of yourse tell me alot. In fact, they tell me her whole story. I too am an alcoholic. A recovering one. To me, what she decided is she didnt want to fix herself. She wants to stay an alcoholic and she found a girl who will let her. Now that makes sense to me. And its a quick fix, which is why it has to happen like this.

I am so sorry, luv, when we alcoholics are active in our addiction, our ways are SO fucking hurtful to the people who love us. We are selfish and cruel and thoughtless, but to us we think we are loving and careful and sensitive. When all we are is manipulative and cunning and conniving. We will call it love and you will believe its love but those are your issues...because you are a codependent...you need Al Anon or CODA. We couldnt do this to you if you didnt let us because you were primed for us. You are sweet and kind and loving but too much so...to the point where you sacrifice yourself to make it happen with the other person. And we will empty your well dry...

dont let her, sweetheart. That love is too precious. Save it for someone who will treasure it. Save it so you keep it safe for yourself. Love yourself enough to let her go ...consider it her greatest gift she ever gave you...

but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

\Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

\:deepthoughts: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I can block her number, but that doesn't prevent her from leaving voicemails. Lame, eh?

ETA: Wait, no, I can't block her number... I need a new phone.

[WhiteTigress]

I can block her number, but that doesn't prevent her from leaving voicemails. Lame, eh?

ETA: Wait, no, I can't block her number... I need a new phone.
Depends on your service provider. If you have Verizon, you can block numbers from your online account.

WT

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I have... t-mobile. With my old phone, I was able to at least block numbers - but with this one, I can't even do that much.

[girl_dee]

I have... t-mobile. With my old phone, I was able to at least block numbers - but with this one, I can't even do that much.

if you see her number pop up, press end call.

If you truly don't want contact, make it happen.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I will. I just wish I could block her texts, too.

Gah, thanks to everyone for being patient with me... I'm pretty much taking some space away from everyone, including my so-called "best friend" who has been lying to my face about not talking to my ex - she even bought pills from my ex's friend - and told her I made up something which... I didn't... and I just wonder. I wonder what kind of "best friend" would deliberately hurt me like that, when she claims to not even like my ex at all.

I slipped up and told a guy she was talking to that she was seeing someone - and she was - and now she has gotten her revenge. The difference is, I made a mistake and wasn't trying to hurt her. She did this out of spite.

Anyway, I got a nice pep talk from an amazing friend of mine, and I'm so lucky to have her. And all of you... I've never seen people respond so fast like y'all did to me.. :flowers:

[The_Lady_Snow]

Girlllllllllll, you need to get chu some new friends, stop hanging with pill poppers and alcoholics, not good..

[Random]

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday.

Damn women... :seeingstars: :lol2:

And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/



No contact... period

Tell her that you need time.. (at least six months at the very least) and if she won't respect that time then block her.. block everything and delete her phone number from you phone...

If need be .. burn that bridge and tell her that you will get a restraining order...

You need to be oh so selfish right now... What she wants, needs, desires is not your concern... (I know that is hard) She chose her path and you no longer have any responciblilties twards her...

I've been where you were... One min I'm thinking I'm getting a new ring for christmas and the next min her new girl friend is moving in...

I was broken... That girl was broken beyond repair...

But you know what? The woman who came out that hell is a stronger, wiser, happier and healthier person that that girl ever was...

Take your time putting yourself back together... Take a brutal look at your self... see what your part you played...

The only one who can put yourself back together is you...

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Haha, I know! My friend Shelly is pretty damn wonderful, I think I'll keep her. In the two years I've known her, there's never been drama. It's kind of great.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Random, thank you... :flowers: It's what I need.

All or nothing, right?

[Soft*Silver]

"it can't work until we fix our lives."

this statement indicates that you had work to do on yourself. Now is a good time to focus on whatever issues you need to fix. Remove yourself from her issues and get to work on yours....its really easy to distract yourself from fixing yourself when you are always busy trying to fix someone else...

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Wow, softness, you're totally right... that's what I've been saying... can't be in a relationship when you have inner issues to work on - and I do. I guess she hasn't quite realised that, but I have. I just need to take care of myself.

[DapperButch]

Absolutely agree.



Again, absolutely agree.



And agree yet again.

Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey.

Regards,

Glynn

Excellent advice. Take space and no contact. And if she cares for you when you ask her to not contact you, she will respect that request. If she doesn't, than she is more concerned with her own desires and not respecting what you say you need.

[MysticOceansFL]

Also find a MCC church in your area they should also have prayer groups and single groups there who might have gone through with what your dealing with now But I also agree don't cut yourself away from friends and family stay close to them and seek a MCC church.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.


If she keeps harrasing slap a restraining order against her, save texts and emails or voice mails. I think you mentioned she was moving, so this is good so the harrasment stops.

Call the cops

"Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me."


I went back to look, let her move, if it's not soon I would file a restraining order, that will get the message across.!!!!

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Nah. I won't sink to her level. Best thing I can do is ignore her, permanently. If I take action like that, she'll just feel more powerful... knowing that she got to me. I'd rather let her think I'm completely done and don't care to give her a second thought.

:)

[The_Lady_Snow]

Nah. I won't sink to her level. Best thing I can do is ignore her, permanently. If I take action like that, she'll just feel more powerful... knowing that she got to me. I'd rather let her think I'm completely done and don't care to give her a second thought.

:)


Awesome!!

Cause we have a 2 page thread of nothing but thoughts!!

Way to make the first step!

[JustJo]

Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.

Hi Prox...

I think it was softness who said that alcoholics can say they love you, but it isn't what you think it is. I believe that.

The part I highlighted in red speaks very loudly to me.

I had a person in my life for a number of years who was completely toxic. She's not on this site, just for the record. In retrospect, I know that she has some serious issues that she needs to deal with...and to this day I don't know whether it's a substance problem or a mental illness or what...

What I do know is that for several years, she dominated my life...all the time telling me that she loved me, needed me, couldn't function without me. I would drop everything for her...leave important work events to take her calls...talk to her for hours every night...listen to craziness you cannot imagine. I cared about her...and I believed it was mutual.

Reality is that she cared about herself, and the drama she was living inside...and that was all.

We were not lovers...but she also wouldn't leave any space in my life or emotions or psyche for anyone else either. She didn't want to be with me...but she did want me to always be available to her and caught up in her "stuff."

When I started putting limits on her, and setting up some boundaries that were healthy for me...she exploded.

When I persisted with the boundaries...she suddenly announced that she couldn't deal with having me in her life in any way. We never spoke again. We went from constant conversation that she couldn't live without....to nothing.

Just for me, someone who wants to dominate your life and leave you no emotional space to love someone else....but doesn't want to be with you themselves...doesn't really love you. That's control...not love...at least in my view.

You've had good advice here...be with friends, go to an Al-Anon meeting (or a bunch of them), talk to a counselor, take some time just for yourself. Block her calls...and if she still texts...change your phone number.

I wish you luck. :rrose:

[Soft*Silver]

yeah..she is going to hold you hostage. We do that, us alcoholics. We need to hold onto you just in case what we left you for doesnt work out. We always have to have a way back in...

you really want this? I can sit here and be your interpreter all night long. I speak Sick real good. .... Its my native language...

Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.

[adorable]

I have been there. Everyone has...the advice you have gotten so far is good. Being in love with who you thought the person was is far different then being in love with the actual person sometimes.

I was in love with who I thought my ex was. Who she actually was a person who could cheat, lie, break my shit and cause immense amounts of pain to get what she wanted.

Now, as she was doing all these things (after we had been together for 8 years) I was a MESS and in my fog of trying to rationalize what had suddenly become of my life I would make excuses for her. All kinds. She does have a serious mental illness which she chose not to treat. I justified her behavior for a long time. I cried. I had hysterical fits of anger and frustration. And I stayed IN it. I actually held out until SHE walked out the door. It took another two years for me to stop all contact with her.

I told myself all kinds of stuff to justify staying with her. She didn't mean it. It wouldn't happen again. She really loved me she just didn't know how. blah, blah, fucking blah....The truth was - she was an asshole. When you love someone you ACT like it. It's a verb. One person can't sustain a relationship for two people.

The emotional, financial and mental upheaval that I've gone through over her I could have avoided if I had cut off the contact WAY WAY WAY earlier. I didn't. I paid the price. It wasn't necessary.

I am 10,000 times happier without her in my life. I moved on. FINALLY. My life is better, because I actually have one that doesn't revolve around her bullshit drama. I have love now. Things are calm and make sense in a way that they never could with her. My current relationship is easy and LOVING.

Two things that I held on to from all the advice I got "Never make someone a priority that you are just an option to." and "The problem with liars is you never know when they're telling the truth."

[Dude]

these words of yourse tell me alot. In fact, they tell me her whole story. I too am an alcoholic. A recovering one. To me, what she decided is she didnt want to fix herself. She wants to stay an alcoholic and she found a girl who will let her. Now that makes sense to me. And its a quick fix, which is why it has to happen like this.

I am so sorry, luv, when we alcoholics are active in our addiction, our ways are SO fucking hurtful to the people who love us. We are selfish and cruel and thoughtless, but to us we think we are loving and careful and sensitive. When all we are is manipulative and cunning and conniving. We will call it love and you will believe its love but those are your issues...because you are a codependent...you need Al Anon or CODA. We couldnt do this to you if you didnt let us because you were primed for us. You are sweet and kind and loving but too much so...to the point where you sacrifice yourself to make it happen with the other person. And we will empty your well dry...





I really take offense to you speaking for all alcoholics here. I am a recovering one who is now close to 28 years sober. At worst , my drinking caused me to be flaky and unreliable which was indeed a selfish thing. I was never manipulative or conniving even at my bottom. Huge sweeping generalities of any kind like this I think can be damaging. Sorta like all butch's and femme's are all the same. Hopefully >that< myth has been disproven enough for people to get it by now


yeah..she is going to hold you hostage. We do that, us alcoholics. We need to hold onto you just in case what we left you for doesnt work out. We always have to have a way back in...

you really want this? I can sit here and be your interpreter all night long. I speak Sick real good. .... Its my native language...


Again, I have never taken a hostage nor had a back burner babe just in case person and I was never dependant on getting back in with anyone.
You may have done all those things but please dont speak for the rest of us.


Girl who is heartbroken,
Don't blame it on the drinking.That's a sure way to keep you stuck.
Stop trying to figure it out, just stick with the facts and move on.(f)

[DapperButch]

Don't blame it on the drinking.That's a sure way to keep you stuck.
Stop trying to figure it out, just stick with the facts and move on.(f)

Great advice. People can get stuck with trying to "figure it out" (I'm a good one for that), instead of just accepting what it is and doing what you need to do based on that information.

[Ebon]

Like snowy said just mourn and move on with your life. You will think back on this situation with new eyes once you get through the thick of it. You will have learned another lesson about yourself, life and certain types of people. I know it's hard when you are there and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel because it just happened but it's there. Swim in your emotions and feel them all, learn what you need to learn and move on to your next life adventure. I wish you lots of strength and clarity.

[blush]

Everyone has given you great advice, and I wish you well on your journey through heartache. It can be a long, lonely road.

It's so tempting to post all the details about an ex, but this is a very public forum, and you're posting about very private struggles about someone you profess to love. We all do this sometimes, but is it your story to tell? Perhaps you've gotten her permission?

Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3

:deepthoughts: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[TickledPink]

Doors close so better ones open!

Write yourself a letter of what you want and deserve in a partner. Tuck it away somwhere and, in a year's time, read it. Read all the posts here, I bet you will feel much better!

Of course there is raw / real pain right now. Feel it and move on. Let it remind you of how you are NOT going to let anyone else put you in that state of anguish again.

My bests to you!

[Soft*Silver]

thank you for reminding me that not all of us are as sick as some of us. I speak from my own perspective then...I appreciate the leveling of humility...


I really take offense to you speaking for all alcoholics here. I am a recovering one who is now close to 28 years sober. At worst , my drinking caused me to be flaky and unreliable which was indeed a selfish thing. I was never manipulative or conniving even at my bottom. Huge sweeping generalities of any kind like this I think can be damaging. Sorta like all butch's and femme's are all the same. Hopefully >that< myth has been disproven enough for people to get it by now





Again, I have never taken a hostage nor had a back burner babe just in case person and I was never dependant on getting back in with anyone.
You may have done all those things but please dont speak for the rest of us.


Girl who is heartbroken,
Don't blame it on the drinking.That's a sure way to keep you stuck.
Stop trying to figure it out, just stick with the facts and move on.(f)

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Wow, so much to respond to. But, I will say, first and foremost, that in regards to exposing a few personal details - I know my limits and boundaries, and what I'm trying to do is simply provide enough information so that others can understand and help me to put together some of the pieces... since I keep cutting my fingers open on them, so to speak :)

I appreciate you all taking the time to respond, and for offering me your kind words. It's amazing to me.

I'm an overanalyser, that's one thing for sure... hence, I do over-think it and try to figure it out. It's agonizing to say the least... but I'm working on accepting things as they are, and trying to let go, without giving myself a migraine trying to decipher all the reasons why.

I do believe that, in her own way, she does love me. I just don't believe she's quite capable of showing it, save for those very rare times when she's exposed and vulnerable. She's a good person, deep down, but she's stuck underneath all the wreckage. It's up to her to pull herself out, and whether she does or not is up to her. I just can't keep sacrificing my emotional well-being to be her saviour.

:flowers: :flowers: :flowers: to all.

And, a special thanks to June, for fixing my typo... :D

[The_Lady_Snow]

We've all only stated limits and boundaries due to the fact you've put it out there and asked for our help. It's obvious you are still clouded cause honey there is NO EXCUSE to be an ass hat.

Your ex, is an ass hat and that is NOT love.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I was in no way trying to be... I'm sorry if that is how it seemed.

I was only explaining myself... which I know I'm not very good at :(

I won't say anything more.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I was in no way trying to be... I'm sorry if that is how it seemed.

I was only explaining myself... which I know I'm not very good at :(

I won't say anything more.


*sigh*

No one is trying to silence you. We're all concerned for you, your situation sounds dangerous, I have a kid your age, my heart goes out to you, we are scared for you cause frankly your ex is not stable.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I understand completely, and I appreciate the concern. I'm cutting off all ties with her, so there needs to be no worries. I'm focusing on myself, my family, and school. I'm changing my life. I promised myself that when I turned 24, I would - which includes learning to love myself.

Snow :bouquet: Thank you.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I understand completely, and I appreciate the concern. I'm cutting off all ties with her, so there needs to be no worries. I'm focusing on myself, my family, and school. I'm changing my life. I promised myself that when I turned 24, I would - which includes learning to love myself.

Snow :bouquet: Thank you.

*smiles* thank you Prox, I'm glad you found BFP.

http://ny-image1.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.76026733.jpg

[MysticOceansFL]

Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.




I would say good luck and don't respond to her at all and hopefully you'll get through it.

[Chazz]

... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

she's an alcoholic...

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.




Of course you feel "broken", proximitywithoutintimacy, you've just been hit with a ton of CRAZY all at once. :blink:

Easy does it, easy does it.

Give yourself time to crawl out from beneath all this CRAZY so you can get your bearings.

Here's a few things you may wish to consider as you do that (and, it's all hers): alcoholism, cutting behavior, insincerity, impulsivity, transient sexual liaisons, drama, attention seeking, bad boundaries, a lack of empathy, cell phone abuse.... (I'm sure you can add to the list if you think about it.)

You may just come out the other side of this situation with a ton of gratitude. I personally think you dodged a bullet.

- Chazz (a substance abuse counselor for 18 years)

[wimsiclegirl]

Of course you feel "broken", proximitywithoutintimacy, you've just been hit with a ton of CRAZY all at once. :blink:

Easy does it, easy does it.

Give yourself time to crawl out from beneath all this CRAZY so you can get your bearings.

Here's a few things you may wish to consider as you do that (and, it's all hers): alcoholism, cutting behavior, insincerity, impulsivity, transient sexual liaisons, drama, attention seeking, bad boundaries, a lack of empathy, cell phone abuse.... (I'm sure you can add to the list if you think about it.)

You may just come out the other side of this situation with a ton of gratitude. I personally think you dodged a bullet.

- Chazz (a substance abuse counselor for 18 years)

Wow! I wish I didn't but I recognizes this journey of saddness and broken heartedness ...way too familiar....To love someone so unhealthy for me ...

It took a lot of personal work to find my inner strength and to realize that the issues were not about me and there was no way this could of worked out well without sacrificing my soul...

Chazz is so right!! From the outside looking in the perspective really shifts...May this awful experience lead you to a place of grattitude and Inner strength!

Prayers and Hugs!

[BoDy*ShOt]

I have... t-mobile. With my old phone, I was able to at least block numbers - but with this one, I can't even do that much.

if you really want her to not be able to contact you there are always ways, call your provider and explain that you're getting harassing phone calls and would like to change your number.

[DomnNC]

If you don't want to change your number ask your provider if they can block hers. I can't imagine a phone company in this day and time of advanced technology that can't block a phone number in some manner.

[Miss Scarlett]

If you don't want to change your number ask your provider if they can block hers. I can't imagine a phone company in this day and time of advanced technology that can't block a phone number in some manner.

Excellent advice! Really you should check on this. If they won't allow you to do that here's another suggestion: if you are able to set ringtones on your phone set hers to silent and then in all caps prior to her name enter DO NOT ANSWER. That's what I used to do until blocking the numbers was suggested to me.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Chazz, thank you.

I think it's easier for me to deal because the last several days, I've been contemplating just how crazy and out of her mind this woman is... and I don't need that in my life anymore. I mean the fact is, when she was with me, she was finally building a good relationship with her mom for the first time since she came out, she was going to counseling and getting medication for her disease, going to school... and now, all of that has fallen apart. She's burned all of her bridges, and sunk down into a spiral of self-destruction. I'm not saying, "oh, her life was so much better with me" but rather that I was a good thing in her life, a good person - and people who genuinely care about her are very rare in her life. It's just sad, I guess.

"It's not me, it's you."

^^^ My new phrase... it actually helps a lot, because I know I'm worth so much more, and she's drowning in her sickness... I can't be her saviour anymore, and someday, she'll realise just how much damage she has done and hopefully learn to love herself enough to fix it.

Done rambling, haha... as far as blocking her number goes, she hasn't tried to call lately... though I'm contemplating changing my number. I only wonder about all the phone calls I'd have to make if I do that (dentist, doctors, counselors, school, work, etc. etc.).

Thanks to everyone for being so nice and supportive :flowers:

[The_Lady_Snow]

Glad to year you're in a better head space Próx.!

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Mhm. I'm still struggling with the heartbreak... but I just try to focus on other things :)