I am so QUEER!

[Stacy]

QUEER
   /kwɪər/ Show Spelled [kweer] Show IPA adjective, -er, -est, verb, noun
–adjective
1.
strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different; singular: a queer notion of justice.

2.of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady: Something queer about the language of the prospectus kept investors away.
3.not feeling physically right or well; giddy, faint, or qualmish: to feel queer.
4.mentally unbalanced or deranged.
5.Slang: Disparaging and Offensive .
a.homosexual.
b.effeminate; unmanly.
6.Slang . bad, worthless, or counterfeit.
–verb (used with object)
7.to spoil; ruin.
8.to put (a person) in a hopeless or disadvantageous situation as to success, favor, etc.
9.to jeopardize.
–noun
10.Slang: Disparaging and Offensive . a homosexual, especially a male homosexual.
11.Slang . counterfeit money.
—Idiom
12.queer the pitch, British Informal . to spoil the chances of success.
Use queer in a Sentence
See images of queer
Search queer on the Web
Origin:
1500–10; perhaps < German quer oblique, cross, adverse

—Related forms
queer·ly, adverb
queer·ness, noun

—Synonyms
1. unconventional, curious, freakish, eccentric, weird. See strange.

—Antonyms
1. ordinary.

:king:When I claimed the identity/label of queer several years ago I did it because of definition #1. I am not conventional and my viewpoint, especially as far as my sexuality goes varies from the norm. By norm, I mean in both the straight world and the homosexual world. I also chose it because of it's synonyms, which all describe me, and because of it's antonym, "ordinary", which is something I have never wanted to be. As far back as my memory goes I have been working to be anything but ordinary. I feel I've been successful in that endeavor.

All the other definitions of queer pertain to me in some way if I'm being honest, and depending on who you ask. I don't consider myself shady, and try to be just the opposite. I do however, feel I am born from a questionable nature. I am the big rainbow phoenix that has dared to rise up from the dysfunctional ashes of my childhood.

I am not physically right. I don't fit into societal norm of what beauty is. I am a queer fat femme-ish deviant. I may have a big ass, but honey, I have a big heart, and a big laugh, and I can rock my husband's world. It has taken me so many years to see my beauty, and to own it. I always thought if I loved myself as fat, then I would never lose weight. Self acceptance doesn't equal complacency. I still would like to lose some weight and be healthier. That is all that will happen to me though. I will be healthier. I will not be any more beautiful or more attractive to my husband.

"Mentally Unbalanced"... again, if I'm being honest, actually, if we're all being honest, aren't we all just a little? I know I certainly have my days.

"Disparaging"?? Ohferfuckssake! Of course I am disparaging. If you don't love the word fuck, if your tongue doesn't tingle the word fuck rolls off the tip of it, if you're ears don't perk when you hear spoken, then you probably won't enjoy my company.

"Homosexual" Well, I am not a lesbian. I am married to a man. Right? However, I am married to a transsexual man. I could never, and would never be married to a biological man again. I was though for 13 years. I was then in a relationship with a woman for two. Then I found my soul mate, who as fate would have it, was a transman. I am married to man, so I must be straight then. Right? Wrong!! I am far from straight. Ask any of the friendly dancers at our favorite strip club how much I love a good lap dance. Ask my husband how "not straight" I am.


As far as the last two, I may be effeminate, but that's a good thing, and I am certainly not worthless, and I'm not sure why that is even under the definition of queer. I think someone needs to rewrite that shit.

For me, being queer isn't just my label, it's my identity. It's my total package wrapped up in a big rainbow flag. To me it is a powerful word. Nobody could ever use it against me in a negative way because I love it too much.

So if you ID as Queer like I do, I'd love to hear from you. I searched the forums and didn't find any threads about this. So I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by starting this. I just thought we needed a place to have some big queer conversations about big queer issues or whatnot.

This is probably my longest post ever.
/post

[iamkeri1]

Well I don't love it as much as you do, but queer is a good choice for me as well. I internally also identify as lesbian, but the life I live after 25 years of marriage to an FTM man is straight. After his death I spent three years trying to see if I could "stand" to be with a straight man - for my kids sake. Some of them (straight men) are fairly nice, but the thought of having sex with one kinda gagged me (so I never did.)

On impulse one night, I did a computer search for my peeps - the B-F community, and ended up first at the dash site and then here. While I have taken many small steps out of the closet I was in for many years, I still spend most of my life there because I still haven't talked to my kids about myself. But good news ... I'm no longer feeling like I might gag, LOL. Call me queer.

Smooches,
Keri

[ravfem]

my granny started calling me queer (she pronounced it "quaar") when i was pretty young. Even back then, i kinda liked the label.

:hippie:

[princessbelle]

I know for a fact one thing. I am femme. No doubts in my mind at all.

I used to also identify as gay. Now not so much. I date FTMs or Trans so gay doesn't for me, work very good anymore. I've never ID'd as lesbian.

I like the name queer, but i've never IDed that way.

Thank you for stating your convictions and for all the good info.

Good thread.

[Arwen]

Queer here as well. It's the only label that really truly fits me. S, that was a rocking, kick-ass, fucking amazing post. I now worship you. I'll be back.

[girl_dee]

Queer here!

[foxyshaman]

Thanks for starting this thread. I have never really understood the use of the term/label queer. I have read what has been posted when I find it. So, I am here for an education.

Thanks for attempting to edumacate me.....

[Apocalipstic]

I identify as Dyke (right now)...lol...but wanted to say I love your post and thoughts on the subject!

[SelfMadeMan]

Another queer checking in! Great idea for a thread sweetie!

[rlin]

i was gay... then i was queer...
lately i have moved to being a big ol homo...

i love the look on peeps faces when i say it...

[Stacy]

Thanks to everyone who has popped in and contributed to the convo. I love me some queers! ;)

[TickledPink]

http://images0.cpcache.com/product/3544120v1_480x480_Front.jpg


Present.

[Deborah]

I have been told more than once I wasn't a lesbian...I think I AM queer though... :)

[Arwen]

It's difficult for me to explain why Queer works better for me than any other label. Part of my explanation would involve why I ruled the others out but then that tends to make people feel as if I'm putting their choices down or negating them somehow.

So for me, my Queer identity revolves around who I partner with. I'm still Queer if I'm single. I'm still me and that is who I am.

Gah. LOL I'm finding it very difficult to voice this.

Oh hell. I'm here. I'm Queer. Let's go shopping.

[Gemme]

I'm as Queer as a 3 dollar bill. And a little bit giddy too.

[weatherboi]

i never claimed queer...queer claimed me!!!
i was born this way!!!
:mohawk:

[Gemme]

i never claimed queer...queer claimed me!!!
i was born this way!!!
:mohawk:

xl0N7JM3wZk

[iamkeri1]

i was gay... then i was queer...
lately i have moved to being a big ol homo...

i love the look on peeps faces when i say it...


rlin
I must say i love the "big ol homo" thing too. I'd love to be there to see you use it.
Smooches,
Keri

[Jomore]

Queer here!
Can't explain me to myself let alone to you.
What a joyous rollercoaster ride it's been. :;)

[EnderD_503]

Queer is pretty much the only existing word I know of that comes close to describing my sexual orientation, lol. I've never been a lesbian (though I've always loved women :D), but for some time I thought maybe I was some kind of heterosexual (since I am a guy that likes women). But that doesn't make sense to me. Even though I'm a guy who likes girls I don't feel that term fits me. I could see that fitting if I was into strictly dating straight girls like some transguys and male ids do, but considering that my preference is for queer femmes or femmes somewhere in the LGBT (or...I guess...LBT...Q? Technically? lol) spectrum...hetero doesn't make sense.

Plus, who the hell is even properly heterosexual anymore? j/k :p

[Stacy]

Good Morning Queers!

I love poppin' in and seeing more names in this thread.

I have a job interview today, and my queer ass is NERVOUS!

Wish me luck and think good thoughts for me.

It is for a job at the local women's shelter. My daughter works there, and I think it would suit me so well.

So I'm off to shower and get ready.

Be back later! Love & Peace yo!

[SelfMadeMan]

Queer is pretty much the only existing word I know of that comes close to describing my sexual orientation, lol. I've never been a lesbian (though I've always loved women :D), but for some time I thought maybe I was some kind of heterosexual (since I am a guy that likes women). But that doesn't make sense to me. Even though I'm a guy who likes girls I don't feel that term fits me. I could see that fitting if I was into strictly dating straight girls like some transguys and male ids do, but considering that my preference is for queer femmes or femmes somewhere in the LGBT (or...I guess...LBT...Q? Technically? lol) spectrum...hetero doesn't make sense.

Plus, who the hell is even properly heterosexual anymore? j/k :p

Ditto what he said :-)

[SelfMadeMan]

Good Morning Queers!

I love poppin' in and seeing more names in this thread.

I have a job interview today, and my queer ass is NERVOUS!

Wish me luck and think good thoughts for me.

It is for a job at the local women's shelter. My daughter works there, and I think it would suit me so well.

So I'm off to shower and get ready.

Be back later! Love & Peace yo!

:goodluck:

They're gonna LOVE you!!! How could they not?? Good luck, I KNOW you'll nail this (cuz you nail well, just sayin :blink:)

[foxyshaman]

Good Morning Queers!

I love poppin' in and seeing more names in this thread.

I have a job interview today, and my queer ass is NERVOUS!

Wish me luck and think good thoughts for me.

It is for a job at the local women's shelter. My daughter works there, and I think it would suit me so well.

So I'm off to shower and get ready.

Be back later! Love & Peace yo!

Good Luck...

[betenoire]

Good luck with your interview.

When I use the word "Queer" to describe myself it's more about solidarity with the rest of the non-straights than it is about my actual orientation. There's a lot of crossover for the LGBTIQ communities (whether some people want to admit it or not) in terms of experiences, struggle, culture, and outside perception - so it's important to me that that gets recognised.

Since Queer is a word that both means nothing and everything at the exact same time - it's the one that I took on for myself.

[foxyshaman]

To me it has been such a mysterious word ~ queer ~. When I first came across it in reference to the LGTBQ community I really wanted to understand what it meant when someone called themself Queer. I grew up with it being used as a derogatory term. So, it sullied my view of the word. So, in my attempts to educate myself I am grateful for the comments and thoughts that have been shared.

So thank you and I look forward to reading more comments and thoughts on the identity of queer.

[julieisafemme]

Queer femme fits me best. Lesbian, gay or just femme does not adequately describe me though I would be fine if anyone applied those labels to me. Queer encompasses the whole of me.

[Quintease]

I've had a lot of conversations about this, as being a lesbian with a boyfriend causes a few raised eyebrows y'know..

I don't ID as queer, though I assume I will one day.. it wasn't relevant in my former lesbian life. I am aware that Queer has a lot of history and value, probably as much as lesbian, and it would also be an umbrella my bf would be happy to stand under with me.

One day I will make the switch, much like that fateful day when I decided I didn't need chocolate any more and began eating dried fruit instead.

[Captain Franki]

I love queer. Queer is the only word that works for my sexuality, precisely because it's so murky.

I used to consider myself straight. I think I was about 15 when I started considering the possibility I could be bicurious and for years hovered between describing myself as straight, bisexual or bicurious. I made huge announcmeents I'd retract later. I just had a nagging sense I had the possibility in me to be with a woman, despite the fact I loved boys. I obsessed over boys all the time and dated/slept with them exclusively. When I came to uni signed up to the lgbt society thinking it might help me somehow... but did nothing with that except get a card for cheap entry to gay clubs, then unrelated to this I made friends with a bunch of mostly gay men and became a fag hag going to gay clubs to dance in what i felt was a friendlier environment than most straight clubs. I pretty much ignored the lesbians. I don't know why. The lesbian world was just this giant impenetrable fortress to me and I had a bunch of misconceptions, and besides I hung out with the gay guys as a 'straight' friend. I tried to kiss a girl once, but I just failed miserably and gave up. Despite being on the surface straight I had a huge inexplicable obsession with gay places, people and related media.

A bunch of ins and outs later, I finally figured out I was actually trans* and came out last year. As I began to explore my gender my attractions, sexuality and the words I used to describe it got more and more swirly until there was only one word that fit right - queer. For a mixture of reasons I've finally came across the queer crowd. Queer to me is part of the gay community, but also seperate. It's more radicalised. More accepting. I used to find the gay spaces friendly but now I consider myself trans and sexually queer, now i'm outside of the binary it feels controlling and less safe. To be fair... it's not always bad, and mostly better than straight spaces. I find the best places are those where there are a mix of liberal queers and liberal queer-friendly sorts. I think trans* is a huge part of what seperates queer from gay, along with bi/omni/pan sexualities and the ever-cliched 'open mind'.

Queer is fierce. Queer says fuck, no I won't. Queer says we are the underdogs and proud. Queer says I'll do what I want but not at the expense of fucking over my neighbours. Queer means my current preference is not girls or boys but bois.

It also means half my friends are vegans so I get the bacon all to myself. :danglecarrot:

This was a really long life story.

[wolfbittenpoet]

I am learning to like queer. I started as a lesbian but wasn't happy with the word. Mostly because at that point I was too scared to say but I'm a guy. Then I evolved to straight. But now I am realizing that I like femininity not the sex attached so queer works.

[foxyshaman]

I love queer. Queer is the only word that works for my sexuality, precisely because it's so murky.

...

Queer is fierce. Queer says fuck, no I won't. Queer says we are the underdogs and proud. Queer says I'll do what I want but not at the expense of fucking over my neighbours. Queer means my current preference is not girls or boys but bois.

It also means half my friends are vegans so I get the bacon all to myself. :danglecarrot:

This was a really long life story.


Thank you Captain Franki for your wonderful candid reply. I loved it. And I felt it. And I bet it has been a really long life story.

Kriket

[ana]

I am not physically right. I don't fit into societal norm of what beauty is. I am a queer fat femme-ish deviant. I may have a big ass, but honey, I have a big heart, and a big laugh, and I can rock my husband's world. It has taken me so many years to see my beauty, and to own it. I always thought if I loved myself as fat, then I would never lose weight. Self acceptance doesn't equal complacency. I still would like to lose some weight and be healthier. That is all that will happen to me though. I will be healthier. I will not be any more beautiful or more attractive to my husband.



I. Love. This. Post. Seriously. My very favorite part, though they were many, is the bit I plucked out and quoted above. I've had an off day today, and that really made me feel better. I read it and smiled because it spoke to me, even though my story is a bit different. I work hard to believe that those who find me beautiful find that in me because of who I am -- all of me, even the bits Cosmo tells me I should hide.

Thank you. :)

[Captain Franki]

Thank you Captain Franki for your wonderful candid reply. I loved it. And I felt it. And I bet it has been a really long life story.

Kriket

I'm glad you liked it! :heartbeat: I get carried away when I'm writing.

[Starrynightaw]

Somehow I never viewed myself as a lesbian. I also date masculine butch, trans, FTM's. Being queer to me is being myself. I don't fit into any other label. I can date who/whatever I want and still feel like myself. That in itself, is golden.

[lettertodaddy]

Yep, another queer here too. I've often wondered, though, if using that label hurts my chances for finding partners. I don't have any real proof, but it's just something I think about.

[Stacy]

Plus, who the hell is even properly heterosexual anymore? j/k :p

Properly heterosexual, lmao. Classic.

[Stacy]

I enjoyed going back and reading the comments on this thread. I really hope I can get it going again and attract some more Queer ID's folks in here. :)

[untangle]

+1 Queer!

What an awesome thread.
I have only ever had relationships with females in the past, but I have never been able to comfortably call myself a soft butch lesbian. Queer is much more fitting and simple. ^5 to you all!

[MsJCP]

So glad to read about other queer femmes who partner with masc i.d. gender queers and don't relate to the L Word. Love my femme sisters as mutual appreciation, not romantically.

[pynkkameleon]

Queer for me indicates that I embrace myself and my sexuality as complex and constantly evolving. The more that I learn about and understand myself, the more I realize that to identify as lesbian would be like fitting a square peg into a perfectly round hole. I've tried that label on and it never felt like it fit. It feels fraudulent to me, as if I am pretending to be something that I am not. It is (or was) even more compounded by the fact that I am primarily attracted to masculine energy. Butch, Trans and FTM's are what catch my eye and ultimately rock my world. I came to realize several years ago that I have always been that way, despite the fact that I was married and in a hetero relationship for 12 years. Even as I tried to deny my feelings and attractions, it eventually became something that I no longer could ignore. Those were very confusing times for me. I felt as if I didn't fit anywhere and didn't understand the strong feelings and desires that I was having. I dated a small handful of lesbians but that never felt right for me. There were some (not all) sexual expectations and an energy that I wasn't completely comfortable with. I found them attractive, and still do, but quickly I realized that anything other than a casual encounter was the most that I could ever accept for myself. Once again, that made me question my own identity even further. I finally reached a place where I began to date masculine butches and finally found my comfort zone. I also eventually met a wonderful person that was transitioning. While I supported him wholeheartedly, I wasn't ready yet to have a relationship with him. I think that I was scared that I would have to give up my "unknown" label and was fearful that I would be even less sure of where I belonged. I now know different. Nobody can take that from me and I belong wherever I choose to be. By accepting myself and letting go of those fears I was able to appreciate the wonderfully complex creature that I am. Being queer acknowledges that my desires and attractions are fluid and that I am free to move along my own preferred spectrum. Common labeling is no longer necessary to me. At the same time, I completely respect that for many other people within the community it is important. That's okay. We are all different and our diversity is a beautiful thing.

In my opinion, Queer is no one thing but an important component of acceptance. So while it took me a while to get here, I now know that I can confidently live by my own rules of attraction.

[Little Fish]

Yep.
Queer butch over here too.

It's the only thing that really conveys the seamless and fluid way that both my masculine and feminine "live" together in me. On any given day I feel about 60-70% masculine with the balance my innate female side. I'm incredibly comfortable in my skin and inhabit my masculine exterior with genuine ease. Now I'm straying a bit into presentation but I'll also say this--there is no way anyone is going to see me as anything other than queer. I am a Butch. Capital B thank you, it's a noun. When I walk into a room, I instantly broadcast who and what I am about--there is no mistaking it! lol----I find it to be very efficient !
Those men and women who choose to interact and engage with me have essentially self-selected for being okay with women, lesbians and butches. I've become my own litmus test.

But queering the norm?--yeah, that's how I feel too.

The label "queer" is also certainly age cohort dependent too imo--I find that other LGBTetc folks who are >35yo tend to shy away from using it--I assume because they were largely influenced buy the gender theories of 2nd wave feminism. Certainly younger folks are more apt to embrace "queer" without stigma.

[Cin]

Yep.
Queer butch over here too.

It's the only thing that really conveys the seamless and fluid way that both my masculine and feminine "live" together in me. On any given day I feel about 60-70% masculine with the balance my innate female side. I'm incredibly comfortable in my skin and inhabit my masculine exterior with genuine ease. Now I'm straying a bit into presentation but I'll also say this--there is no way anyone is going to see me as anything other than queer. I am a Butch. Capital B thank you, it's a noun. When I walk into a room, I instantly broadcast who and what I am about--there is no mistaking it! lol----I find it to be very efficient !
Those men and women who choose to interact and engage with me have essentially self-selected for being okay with women, lesbians and butches. I've become my own litmus test.

But queering the norm?--yeah, that's how I feel too.

The label "queer" is also certainly age cohort dependent too imo--I find that other LGBTetc folks who are >35yo tend to shy away from using it--I assume because they were largely influenced buy the gender theories of 2nd wave feminism. Certainly younger folks are more apt to embrace "queer" without stigma.

I easily recognize myself in what you said here about instantly broadcasting who and what you are about when you walk into a room, I do that as well. And I do identify as queer and certainly as butch. I also identify as a woman, a lesbian and a feminist. I don’t think I was as influenced by the gender theories of 2nd wave feminism as I was by women’s position in society and because of this I find that women’s issues will forever be of utmost importance for me. I direct my energy first toward the queer community. But women’s issues in general are very important to me. I still feel very comfortable with the label queer though. No stigma to me. It has always felt right.

[*Anya*]

I have never identified myself as queer-maybe it is because I am over the 35-years old (way over baby!) age range as stated by Little Fish.

I have zero problem with how anyone else identifies.

I believe all of us have the right to identify ourselves and I do feel totally comfortable living under the all-inclusive LGBTQ umbrella.

I am a lesbian. It just fits and is a very hard-won identity for me that took years to accept.

[puddin']

int'restin' conversations fo' sho'. i pop in and read on occasion, but to date haven't responded.

i'm 53 and identify, at dis point in me life, as a queer as boi! lol

i haven't always identified as queer. i've gone through mana diff'rent phases and identities ova da years. to be honest, i prolly would've identified as queer at a much younger age, except it was quite a derogatory term back in da day.

jus' me 2 cents tossed in...

[Femminator]

Queer Femme here!

I chose this because I don't feel I fit the conventional 'lesbian' lable. I have always known myself to be Femme, I love the 'girly' things. My sexuality, on the other hand, is geared towards masculinity, in both females and males. To me lesbian does not feel right if strongly masculine guys turn my head(and it has nothing to do with looks either, just the vibe.) Bisexual does not feel correct either as I would not be emotionally fufilled in a relationship with a male.

Queer fits me just fine.

[Femminator]

http://images0.cpcache.com/product/3544120v1_480x480_Front.jpg


Present.



I so love this!

[pajama]

For me, coming around to claiming queer took a while, I only solidly claimed it about a couple of years ago.

For years I would see the definition that Stacy posted and think "yeah that's alot of me". But Queer always carried a social stigma where I come from - the South. It always seemed like saying the N word or F*g word. Derrogatory somehow.

But as my journey progressed, I am so diverse in my sexuality and presentation that no other labels truely fit me. I am bi-sexual, except I haven't been with a bio-male in over 17 years. But I didn't feel claiming Lesbian was proper, seemed misleading some. I present rather butch, but sexually am way more feminine. So I never felt quite right identifying as Butch, because I felt there were expectations that went along with that. (I am also evolving and learning that there are all kinds of butch.) I am attracted to all kinds and don't limit myself, so identifying as the opposite of what I prefer to date didn't work either.

Then a couple of years ago, I dated Dixie and she identified as Queer. She's very unique in many, many ways and I liked the way she embraced it. So I thought, "I can do this too." So there you go.....I'm QUEER. Get to know me and you will learn all my diversities.

A

[agape]

Queer here as well
Att first I really didn't want to call myself that but in the end I had to give up...

my gender identity is too complicated to explain in other terms...


my sexual orientation is too complicated to explain in other terms...


my romantic orientation is too complicated to explain in other terms...

etc...

But above all, I got tired having to defend my identity to ppl all the time. I felt that all other identities I had to somehow "prove" more of less and since I couldn't do that, I found that frustrating.

But the term queer is harder to question. Why wouldn't I be queer?

I don't know if anyone gets what I'm saying?