This One Time...

[June]

Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll start. Tell us a story about "That One Time"

This one time, I was driving a Colic Green 1972 Pinto without a license or a permit and I cried my way out of a ticket by saying I was taking my stepmother (who was in the passenger seat) to the Hospital because she was coughing up blood. She cooperated and since that time, she has been my favorite of 5 stepmothers. She also introduced me to reefer and how to hang pictures straight.

The End.

[SuperFemme]

This one time I bought an item from an infomercial called the Egg-stractor.

The premise was that it shelled the eggs. I called my father at 2:00 a.m. sobbing and he came over. My kitchen and my body were covered in eggs.

He picked up the booklet that came with it and started laughing as he informed me that the eggs should be hard boiled first.

To this day I don't know how to properly smoke reefer nor hang a picture straight.

[June]

This one time...

I was sharing a room at Femme Con 2008 with this Manic Red Headed girl who wouldn't stop talking. No, really. SHE WOULD NOT SHUT UP! Even after I screamed at her to "Go SEEPY!" several times.

And then, when it was over, she said "So, would you ever share a room with me again?" And I said "Of course" because you know, you don't get the chance to pee in someones Diet Coke every day, right?

The End.

[Medusa]

This one time:

I was spending a holiday weekend with my honey and our best friend and we ate WAY too much food followed by a midnight trip to Wal-Mart for about a bazillion board games. Add in a side trip to Starbucks for people-watching on a booger-eating Hipster. When we got home, we ate a bunch of pizza, fudge, and pie and proceeded to set up our shiny new "Monopoly City" game. After reading the directions multiple times and playing with the little plastic pieces, we began playing.

It was immediately clear that we all had NO business playing this game while tired, full of sweets, and laughing our asses off. A certain someone may or may not have cackled wildly while taking everyone's money and property.

That was until I looked up and saw a black shadow cross from the hallway into the library. I dont know what it was, but it scared me so bad that I jumped up from the table, turned over the dice cup and began hyperventilating. A certain someone grabbed a handgun and started demanding to know what my fucking problem was. Another certain someone said they saw it too.

Well since Jack and I own LOTS of funeral memorabilia, Jack decided that one of our urns needed to be put out on the back porch since we have had problems out of it before. After putting it on the back porch, we all sat back down to play games. Then there was a distinct *click* from the other side of the door.

Jack looked up at me like this :blah: and said, "Does it want back in?"

The rest of the night was punctuated by moments like:

"LEECHES? How the FUCK does Clint Eastwood have anything in common with LEECHES?!"

Gracie chowing down on a $20 dog cookie for about 5 hours.

Random insults hurled at friends when building skyscrapers and trash dumps in "Shitsville" :D

"I need to poop and you have to go with me because Im scared"

Watching a certain Uncle being harrassed by a big orange dog. Gotta love those spitty balls!

and my personal fave:

Seeing Jackhammer walking around the house in a set of bright white longjohn's with a gun strapped to her underwear ready to shoot the "shadow people".