Age... an issue?

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

When is it an issue, and when is it not?

For me, I've experienced it being an issue, in the sense that when a girl is too young, it's best she stick to people around her age bracket because the maturity level is just not where it needs to be.

For example, I recently became a bit entangled with a friend who's 19... and I realised, you know, I'm 24 - it's just not going to work.. :(

Thoughts? Experiences?

[wolfbittenpoet]

It's not the age it's the maturity level at least for me. I'm a young guy. Even more when I first came into myself and this site. But mostly I've been told I am overly mature for my age. No one I have ever loved is ever my age or even close. Right now I count myself lucky if there is only a ten year difference.
But then again I'm the younger one.

[Oiler41]

To me, from the perspective of being nearly 50 years old, age doesn't seem to matter so much when you are young; however, there are issues that can be a simple as very different taste in music that seem small initially, but can show the age gap. One of you wants to go to a rap concert, the other wants to go see a classic rock band.

But more importantly, it matters as you get older. I was once with someone ten years my junior; she was certainly less mature, had younger life experiences and had yet to discover things I already knew; it is true that some things only come with age. In a situation like this, when I am 65 and ready to retire, she would have still had ten years to work to get to retirement; by then, I would be 75 and would have missed ten years worth of opportunities to do things and go places in my prime retirement years, unless I wanted to go and do things alone. Not exactly the best plan for those golden years.

I married someone my age; best thing I ever did! We have similar life experiences since we grew up in the same time frame. Although we grew up in different circumstances, there are still many similarities that only exist because we grew up during the same time frame. When I was in my 20's, my 30's and even into my early 40's I kept saying it didn't matter, but I knew in the back of my mind the age gap was going to be an issue, but the closer I was getting to 50, the more clear it was becoming.

I vote yes, it is an issue and will be more of an issue in later years. Just my 2 cents.

Glynn

[Bella~Vita]

[QUOTE=Oiler41;302029]To me, from the perspective of being nearly 50 years old, age doesn't seem to matter so much when you are young; however, there are issues that can be a simple as very different taste in music that seem small initially, but can show the age gap. One of you wants to go to a rap concert, the other wants to go see a classic rock band.

But more importantly, it matters as you get older. I was once with someone ten years my junior; she was certainly less mature, had younger life experiences and had yet to discover things I already knew; it is true that some things only come with age. In a situation like this, when I am 65 and ready to retire, she would have still had ten years to work to get to retirement; by then, I would be 75 and would have missed ten years worth of opportunities to do things and go places in my prime retirement years, unless I wanted to go and do things alone. Not exactly the best plan for those golden years.

I married someone my age; best thing I ever did! We have similar life experiences since we grew up in the same time frame. Although we grew up in different circumstances, there are still many similarities that only exist because we grew up during the same time frame. When I was in my 20's, my 30's and even into my early 40's I kept saying it didn't matter, but I knew in the back of my mind the age gap was going to be an issue, but the closer I was getting to 50, the more clear it was becoming.

I vote yes, it is an issue and will be more of an issue in later years. Just my 2 cents.

Glynn[/QUOTE

Spot on :hangloose:

[The_Lady_Snow]

I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below.

That's just for *me'*

[Pixie]

For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that.

I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects.

Just my .02

[cara]

For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that.

I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects.

Just my .02



Exactly, Pixie! The majority of people I have dated have been 7+ years older than me. Sadly, I have often felt like I had my shit together more than they did. Of course, this could say something about the people I have previously chosen to date...

:stillheart:

[Lynn]

I'm with Oiler on this question. My most important relationships have been with people close to my age. I'm four years younger than my partner. I was dating someone who was ten years older, and there were a lot of missed connections between us. But, that was when I was 22 and he was 32--at entirely different stages of life. We might have done alright together through our 40's and 50's, but, as Oiler said, there would have been other challenges to deal with in retirement. This is entirely personal, however. I don't think it's "wrong" to choose a relationship with someone much older or younger. I just wouldn't seek this out, myself.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Exactly, Pixie! The majority of people I have dated have been 7+ years older than me. Sadly, I have often felt like I had my shit together more than they did. Of course, this could say something about the people I have previously chosen to date...

:stillheart:


This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

[cara]

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

This makes sense. One of my first girlfriends was 38 and I was 22. I was closer in age to her 14- and 16-year old children. It was awkward for all of us.

:stillheart:

[dixie]

Age means nothing to me. Maturity level is definitely not age specific. The most immature, childish person I ever dated was almost 24 years older than me. On the reverse, I've dated someone in their early 20s who was very level-headed and mature.

I tend to usually date older. Specifically because older is more physically attractive to me than someone my own age or younger. Not quite sure why that is, but if a 40/50 something hottie is standing beside a 20/30 something hottie, the 20/30 something hottie won't even get a glance...lol

In all honesty it does come down to the person that they are and how we click. Doesn't really matter if they are younger or older. It's all about the personality, not the age. :)

[Pixie]

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

I can understand that for sure!

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Hey, thanks for all the replies! :)

Quite honestly, for me, I've found that people who have more life experience are the ones who are mature beyond their age. I'm 24 years old, and I feel a lot older spiritually, if that makes any sense - one of my closest friends is 26, her friends are 29, and I'm becoming slowly immersed into their circle. Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend to death (she's also 24) but I feel as though I'm outgrowing her. I think age, or rather, maturity levels play a part in both friendships and relationships.

:flowers:

[adorable]

Age matters for me. I don't date anyone my age. They must be significantly older or younger.

It doesn't work for me any other way.

[Rockinonahigh]

Age should be just a number,but as I get older it becomes more of an issue,maturity or lack there of dosent come with age..beleve me its so true.I have dated ppl close to my age thrue a bit older,I wonder if any of them very reached any reasonable maturity at all.Thats not to say ppl my age arent mature cause many are.Also I get the second child hood haveing a great old time now that folks reach an age thats kids are grown,now retired ect.I shure dont act my age but also I really dont have a 454 engine anymore,more like a 2cylendar squrril cage motor energy leval.What I have found has been pouty,spoiled,grumpy folks..Dateing starts out fine then they morph into something I would rather not be around and im not for long.

[AtLast]

For me personally, it is. I'm not comfortable with involvement with anyone younger than my kid (he is 42). On the older than me side of things, I can't see me being involved with anyone more than 5-7 years older. But, this depends a lot on how active they are. I'll be 60 next week, am in good shape but do have some limitations and I wouldn't do well with a couch potato. I know 70 year olds that can put 30 year olds to shame.

I don't have "moral" issues with large age differences per se. I know couples with many years between them that seem to do fine. I just don't want to be with someone a lot younger or older than myself.

[Corkey]

I have issues with age every day.....

Seriously, I never dated out of my generation, too much stuff that is lost in translation. I know 60 year olds who are immature, it has nothing to do with maturity, tho sometimes it does.

[Glenn]

ahhh-the memories.
I wish I were 24 again.
You will be fine, Girl.

.

For example, I recently became a bit entangled with a friend who's 19... and I realised, you know, I'm 24 - it's just not going to work.. :(

Thoughts? Experiences?

[Guy]

I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below.

That's just for *me'*

I agree. I don't have kids, so no rules.

If we click we click at whatever age, just go with it. It's all about the person, not their age.

[Gráinne]

I too think that it's not so much the age gap as the gap in maturity and experience between partners. The older might take a "parental" role or resent the younger partner who is not at their stage of life yet. I have known couples with 10-20 years age gaps, and it works because they are very compatitble in maturity.

There are challenges in even good relationships, such as the retirement issue.

I suppose if both partners are just looking for something non-serious, a large gap wouldn't matter. It becomes more of an issue when you are talking a committment.

[Bard]

This is a bit close to the heart for me.. it really depends on the people involved and the life stages they are at..
SO simplly put DESD amd I have a age gap her folks are ok with it as are mine my daughter loves her and I think she is the best thing in my life well next to the before mentioned daughter
yes I am immature but she gets me and it works for us she supports me in my job in the military all around something that my ex who was close to my age never did

I will say I did get kind of offened by reading this but we are all intilted to our own opnions and the lovely safe space to air them

BUT the two most meaning full relationships I have ever had have been with younger Femmes in thier 20s
guess it just works for me or I am just peter pan and ain't never growing up

[PumaJ]

I find this to be a thought provoking conversation.

I have zero age issues regarding the women I am friends with. Their ages range from mid-twenties to mid-sixties. They are all intelligent, mature in their own ways, all have great senses of humor, and all have the ability to be quite playfull. The mix is straight, bi, & lesbian (Femme & Butch), and lest I forget, the one lonely male, a 18 y.o. Bi guy.

That being said, I'm not sure if I would have issues dating someone more than
a few years youngernor older. I did date a quite handsome & much younger
Butch, years ago. We only went out three times, though. Her age was only one of a few issues. Taken by itself, her age wasn't the deciding factor, though to stop dating.

I've been single by choice for several years, now, & have intentionally not been involved with my local Queer community beyond hanging out with a couple of friends every now & then. I've only just in the past couple of months begun to take very small steps to re-engage with the community. I'm not even sure if I am interested in dating. I'll make a decision on that issue if it presents itself.

I know coupleships in which there are age differences. As far as I can see, the age difference hasn't been a significant issue in them. The greatest age difference is 18 yrs. It seems that this is an issue that is highly personal and dependent upon the individuals involved, really.

If I decide that I want to date or get involved in a relationship again, I hope that I'm able to be open minded enough to not miss out on a decent relationship just based on the number of years someone else has been alive. I think that truly good, decent, & stable relationships are hard enough to find in our communities, as it is.

[Bard]

This is a bit close to the heart for me.. it really depends on the people involved and the life stages they are at..
SO simplly put DESD amd I have a age gap her folks are ok with it as are mine my daughter loves her and I think she is the best thing in my life well next to the before mentioned daughter
yes I am immature but she gets me and it works for us she supports me in my job in the military all around something that my ex who was close to my age never did

I will say I did get kind of offened by reading this but we are all intilted to our own opnions and the lovely safe space to air them

BUT the two most meaning full relationships I have ever had have been with younger Femmes in thier 20s
guess it just works for me or I am just peter pan and ain't never growing up

Sorry Y'all for my spelling in this I am tired and was ticked off

[AtLast]

It is interesting to me how all of us have a different sense of "how many" years in much of an age difference. 5-7 years either way to me doesn't sound like much.

[AtLast]

I have issues with age every day.....

Seriously, I never dated out of my generation, too much stuff that is lost in translation. I know 60 year olds who are immature, it has nothing to do with maturity, tho sometimes it does.

Yes, "lost in translation" is a really good way to put it. We do have age cohort dynamics that are significant.

I do have friends that are much younger and older- each is unique in many aspects of their age "group" and relating as friends is great. I enjoy hearing about generational distinctions no matter what the generation. I just don't want my partner of intimacy too far away from my age group.

Yes, lost in translation is a really good way to put this. Not really about maturity at all. As I said before, I know people all over the map as far as maturity level goes. But, developmental phases and "milestones" feel significant to me when I think about all of this.

Also, I'm retired and at tha time of my life that I don't have to be tied to a job/career. and I am no longer professionaly motivated. If I were with a woman that was still very much involved in her work, it wouldn't work for either one of us. Just like being with someone with young children wouldn't work. I don't have to be responsible for my kid any longer- he has his own life.

So much of this has to do with where we are in our lives. I have turned away from dating some really wonderful women because I felt that these kinds of things would make it impossible for me to commit to them. I can't ask someone to change their goals in their work for me. And I am a monogamous person that is pretty traditional in terms of relationships. I like building a home and history with someone. That is not how everyone relates (nor should it be).

Also, I have to say that as I have gotten older, I find that there are many more things I honestly just don't want to deal with that I would when I was younger.

I think where these kinds of discussions get off in negative directions is when we attach any kind of judgement to age difference. To me, its about lifestyle and life stages (and the wants and needs we have) that are the major factors about age disparate relationships. I have my own rule about not dating anyone my son's age or younger, but I am applying that to myself and in way I choose to live at this life's stage.

Why we focus on this issue so much in terms of the numbers instead of looking at what fits with where we are in our lives doesn't make sense to me sometimes.

I'm not sure if I am explaining this clearly.... just wish we could get away from judgement and talk about all the other issues involved with this topic.

Oh, and Corkey- I'm in no way think your post was judgemental- I really like your "translation" idea and I just got off on the rest of my post after letting you know this.... just 'cause that is where my mind went.

[Bard]

thank you At Last I think it is the Judgement that gets to me all I know is what I have experienced and my younger femme has brought out much the good in me with out her I would be lost

[Corkey]

Oh, and Corkey- I'm in no way think your post was judgemental- I really like your "translation" idea and I just got off on the rest of my post after letting you know this.... just 'cause that is where my mind went.

Yep, it isn't about judgement, personal experience and translation. If I have to explain every saying that came outta my mouth, I'd get more grey hairs than I have right now. Life is at this point in life is too friggen short to have to go through that every day.
As always your mileage may vary.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense? :o

[AtLast]

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense? :o

Makes a lot of sense- goes to the life stages and where we just are as people.

I can look back in my life at many things and see that at different times, different situations worked- or just didn't. We experience and learn- about ourselves.

This can be a very sensitive topic, especially for folks that are in relationships with large age differences.

My parents had 11 years between them- although, it was my Dad that was older- usually more accepted. When they met, my Mom was 17, my Dad wad 28. They married at 20 and 31 and were together 47 years until my Dad died. Funny, as my first significant love relationship was with a man 9 years older- I was 16 at the time. I was not sexual with him until I was 18 and had left home. We were together for 10 years- and well later I realized I was queer.

I was with a woman 10 years my junior for a brief time between the break-up of a LTR (21 years) and the last LTR I was in (6 years, ending in her death). I found that for me, the differences we had in our "eras" just didn't work well. But, that is me- other people don't have this experience even when they have 15, 20 or more years between them.

I do think there can be some negative motivations behind age disparate relationships- like trophy wives, etc. Or one's ego being wrapped up in seeing a much younger person. And my guess is that those people have always had problems with relationships that have nothing to do with age variables.

It is the whole judgement thing that I wish we wouldn't get involved with- I really try to just get to know people and not put my personal values on them- they are not me.

[Bard]

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense? :o

It is not that I was offended I just get cranky when people judge or are in a way condescending of the age difference. to me love is hard to find harder to hold. I have been through a lot with Desd in a way she heals the parts in me that are broken she understands me and judges me not she gets me it is kind of like to lost ships that collided she is a old soul and me I am kind of peter pan.. My daughter loves Desd and yes my kiddo is young only 7. but yes the may - december romance is not for everyone but I have seen enough to know you dont spit in the face of love. so I will walk this path with Desd with my head held high in May of 2012 with both of our family and many friends by our sides we will be bound together and I will commit to her all that I am >>> the poor dear:wine:

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I'm not the type of person who judges anyone; I suppose I'm just pretty clear on what I want, whether I'm dating someone or trying to develop a relationship. I've found that in my age bracket, dating someone younger isn't an option for me. At least, not someone who's significantly younger, because I do hold a place in my heart for a girl who's twenty-one <3 I think it just depends on the person, really, but I also believe that someone who's nineteen and doesn't really have a lot of experience with life... wouldn't mesh with me, so to speak ;)

I am getting to know this person who's 29 and so far I just adore her ;) Dating someone who is older than me, has always been a positive experience, and I just see it as what works for me - just as it may not work for someone else. We're all different, hey? :)

[PumaJ]

This is really such a personal issue, isn't it?

It is my belief that we are each Spiritual Beings inhabiting human bodies living lives over time, in the mundane. As Beings of Spirit we are ageless. However, all too obviously, that is not the case with the human bodies we inhabit and that is where I see the issues of maturity coming into the picture.

For myself, sometimes the daily stuff of life in the mundane overwhelms the knowingness of my self as a Being of Spirit. I hope always that I am never so overwhelmed that my knowingness is obscured so totally that I forget the truth of who I am or become unable to see the truth that others are also Beings of Spirit living human lives.

Those that I've been in intimate relationships with have tended to have a similar view. Not, always, though. But I think that with such a view it would be easier to love across differences in age.

Speculation only on my part at this point, because I don't have any real time experience in the area of big age differences, and I'm not looking for love or an intimate relationship at this time. I can say, however, that in the past, my view has afforded me the opportunity to love across the lines of race, religion, culture and economic background.

:2femme:

[daisygrrl]

I truly empathize with Dixie’s post. I am more attracted to “older” partners; and it has always been. When I began college, my parents laughed and said that I was going to marry one of my professors. Since then, three of my partners and I have shared approximately 22-24-year age gaps.

True, “maturity” (a term that is subjective) is not defined by age; however, I do agree that many experiences come with age—simply by virtue of time. However, everyone is different—and has encountered different experiences, some of which “mature” our outlook “earlier.”

As for the retirement issue, I would also like to mention that is also an issue of socioeconomics. Sadly, not everyone has the luxury to retire. And, like Puma, I have dated and befriended individuals from various cultures, classes, etc.; I firmly believe that “differences” do not necessarily have to be gaps to conquer—but actually can be appreciated (and this goes for age and experiences).

Some relationships work, and some do not; I can see where some issues that may be age-related may make a relationship less successful—but those situations are going to depend on the individuals (her/his/hys/ze’s wants, needs, goals, etc.).

Just a few of my thoughts ;)

[princessbelle]

I pretty much have always dated older people. Not way older but roughly my age or a couple of years older. Younger is ok to. I guess i pretty much think 5-6 years either way is really close enough to be considered "my age".

But more than that.....it would be more of a cultural difference that i would be more worried about than anything. Music, movies, sayings and memories of even political events would be lost and it would feel weird to say, explain to someone what watergate was or whatever.

So, IMO 6 either way ok. Anything more? Would have to really be something special.....really, really, really special.

[Daywalker]

Age was not an issue in my last relationship...until she made it one.
:|

Almost 13 years older than I, she began to convince herself that she was too
old to hang out with our friends anymore, etc, etc. I rode out the Menopause
issues (hers) for a year n a half. She never crawled out of the icky parts of it.

She took anti-depressants, and a few other medications for various things.
After dealing with lack of intimacy for almost a year and a half ~ we became
estranged and I could no longer handle the 'reasoning' behind her not taking
action to improve the lack of intimacy. There was a pill she could take to
improve what the other pills were killing, her sex drive.

She said 'I already take so many other pills...'.
:|

That one hurt me inside. I slept on the couch for over a year.
(w)

All in all, it began with her making our age difference...an issue.

I wish her well n stuff, but she made it an
issue and allowed it to dwindle us from there.

:daywalker:

[AtLast]

Age was not an issue in my last relationship...until she made it one.
:|

Almost 13 years older than I, she began to convince herself that she was too
old to hang out with our friends anymore, etc, etc. I rode out the Menopause
issues (hers) for a year n a half. She never crawled out of the icky parts of it.

She took anti-depressants, and a few other medications for various things.
After dealing with lack of intimacy for almost a year and a half ~ we became
estranged and I could no longer handle the 'reasoning' behind her not taking
action to improve the lack of intimacy. There was a pill she could take to
improve what the other pills were killing, her sex drive.

She said 'I already take so many other pills...'.
:|

That one hurt me inside. I slept on the couch for over a year.
(w)

All in all, it began with her making our age difference...an issue.

I wish her well n stuff, but she made it an
issue and allowed it to dwindle us from there.

:daywalker:

This brings up something I have been thinking about- I wonder if the "older" person has more "issues" around age difference?

This could just be part of all that goes with aging. For example, I have heard from older friends that started dating someone quite a bit younger 9talking 15-20 + years right now) that they don't trust in the relationship because "she will eventually find someone younger and leave anyway." Or, they feel (LOL, as we do realize our bodies are changing) that there will be serious differences in physical activity levels as time goes on, including sexual desire, etc. Then, there are the life stage issues I brought up- getting to a different place in terms of work/careers and how we want to spend time as we age. And, as you bring up, Daywalker- menopause! It ain't fun 9for either partner) most of the time.

I think that are also "social norms" that can be involved, too. How many times have you heard a person make a negative remark about a couple with many years between them- like "look at that old fart with that young thing." On the other side, the younger person can be put down because she is a "gold digger." Then there are the women that have been dumped by men in het marriages after many years when the husband takes off with the young secretary. just people making remarks about how they don' get why the younger person could possibly touch the older one- people are pretty cruel and judgemental.

How these kinds of things cut across our B-F dynamic could differ, but there is a "age" thing in our culture that isn't very accepting of relationships with huge age differences.

With all of the points we are bringing up, it seems to me that yes, it is really a personal choice and we all have things we would accept or not. But, I bet in general, the older person has many more issues with the age difference- and insecurities about how it will work out. I could be very wrong- so I'd like to hear from others about this.

[MsTinkerbelly]

My ex-husband is the same age as I am, and my Kasey is 8 1/2 years older. Age isn't a problem; although, I personally am not attracted to younger people than myself.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Age isn't an issue until issues come up! LoL. But as long as each person is commited to working through whatever may come up, the age gap doesn't have to be an issue.

[citybutch]

Just wait until you are getting your AARP card... THEN you will feel like you are 24! ;)



I'm 24 years old, and I feel a lot older spiritually, if that makes any sense

:flowers:

[wolfbittenpoet]

I want my aarp card. It has such beautiful discounts.

[Apocalipstic]

On Bones they said a Cougar could date someone half their age plus seven, I am going with that. ;)

[dixie]

Just wait until you are getting your AARP card... THEN you will feel like you are 24! ;)

I want my aarp card. It has such beautiful discounts.

I'm not even 32 yet and am already getting AARP fliers. What's that all about?? lol

[prettylilgrrl]

I have always found myself attracted to older than I am . It seems as though anyone younger than me is too immature and still into games and drama.

[Quintease]

I've become a cougar, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Every time I've dated older than myself there has been endless d r a m a. I don't seem able to fall into bed with someone older than myself without finding one with some kind of mental or emotional issue which she then expects me to put up with. No no no.. I like younger. They own their drama, they're flexible, they're open to change, they're creative in bed, they're fun!

Of course when I say older and younger I may be exaggerating. I've never dated more than 10 years older and 6 years younger. So really I like people roughly my age.

It's true about the older/younger sanity divide however, I don't know what it is but my this-person-is-a-nutter radar appears to switch off whenever someone is (even slightly) my elder.

[bigbutchmistie]

I love older femmes. It seems everytime I date my age or older we aren't on the same path. I'm not looking to raise a family I wanna connect on a deep level with someone and I don't do that with my age or older All my friends or xs are older.

I wanna live happily ever after with a cougar mmmmmm hawt lol

[Rockinonahigh]

Heck with every day that goes by I get a bit older,the femmes by and large seem to be getting younger..just a thought at 1:20am in the dark thirty.

[Diva]

I was thinkin' the same thing about the guys.................<smile>

[msW8ing]

Personally I've always gone with the older ones. Sometimes 13 yrs my senior. I can't help it, older makes me weak in the knees and gets my blood to pumping. I just relate better on a deeper level with older.More life experience.

[PumaJ]

Delightful surprises do come one's way when living with and open heart and open mind :spruceup:

[Apocalipstic]

Somehow, I think I have become a Cougar too. But who knows what the future will bring?

[PumaJ]

Age, what age?

[undone]

Heck with every day that goes by I get a bit older,the femmes by and large seem to be getting younger..just a thought at 1:20am in the dark thirty.


see now at 3 am i have the same thought about butches, and that just dose not work in my favor.

[Silverseastar]

My last three exes were 29 when I started dating them. The last became a big relationship and the almost 9 years between us was an issue in the end. Mostly because she simply did not have the life experience.

I'm currently exploring a relationship with someone close to my age (She is 46 I'm 42) and I find it totally different. We have so much in common including more advanced communication skills (grin). I agree with the poster who talked about wanting to be at parallel times for retirement etc... I can totally see the importance in that.

So I'd have to say not pro not against but think that it should be thought about carefully and that it may change at different times in your life.

[MissPriss]

I find that if I date someone my age or even close, that we have nothing in common! For me it is at least a 10yr age difference. Ive always been told Im an old soul and beyond my years. I guess it just depends on what you like to get out of a relationship really.

[Stitch]

I think age is an issue for me.
I have never dated anyone older than me like ever I don't think. Not by more than a couple years.
I think older femmes just intimidate me. lol

[asphaltcowboi]

i think
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with
how many birthdays you've celebrated.

[nellsbells]

i think
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with
how many birthdays you've celebrated.

Agreed.
I've never slept with, let alone dated anyone remotely near my age. Always older. Being only recently a legal adult, this of course resulted in a lot of concern from my mother who insisted I was being "taken advantage of". But I've been with my lady on and off for 2 years now, with a sixteen year age gap. At sixteen, she was literally twice my age. Ha!

It's hard though, to determine. Definitely case by case. The I wouldn't trust most of the dipshits I went to high school with to not make mistakes with their bodies and feelings. Most of them couldn't remember their own phone numbers.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've always been with older, since I was 14. I had older girlfriends/boyfriends and sexual "fun" partners (I was bi) by 3-6 years until I was bout 24.

Then it broke into two categories. sex and fun, age doesn't matter but no one under 19.
Depending entirely on their maturity level. Sex is sex and should be enjoyed purely for it's own sake. And with that, there is no age limit aside from consenting adult. I have had sex with 19 (when I was 35) and 70 (right before I met my exwife)

I am not exactly the most mature person in the world. I may be world weary beyond 157, and been around 9 squillion different blocks, but I'm not all that... security driven.

I love it when someone shows off for me. I have since I was about 8. I love it when they get a bit cocky. I love it when they make an ass of themselves to make me laugh. In short, I like someone popping wheelies on their bike and then wiping out and laughing at themselves.

I had a 48 year old boydyke half naked and wrapped in saran wrap wearing a motorcycle helmet and gyrating around in front of a paint of a moon yelling "I'm a space man!!!" to make me laugh cause I was sad.

So, I'm really not all that mature. I don't really desire a mortgage. I am not sure if I'll still be living in vancouver in three years. I like playing truth or dare. I love it when someone climbs a tree for me. I like beer. I like cocktails. I like museums. I love being dapper. I love road trips.

so... my age range is 35 - 55. I'm 44. But within that is their maturity and experience levels. I like same as me: High levels of experience, low levels of maturity. I love *playfulness* but I hate naivety. :)


I seem to have the most fun with dykes in their late 40's and early 50's. They are more likely to look in my direction with some understanding of "fun casual sex" or "fully committed life partner"
the ones younger than me, in their late 30's (in my area) only know semi commited relationships. (read: not a life partner and not uncommitted sex) where people live together for 3 years and them move out.

*nightmare*

so I have a bit of a fear of 30 something dykes in vancouver.

[TruTexan]

When I first came out , I was seeing an older woman. I was 17 she was 23. It made for learning curves for sure, I matured much more with her faster I believe. But since that time, I"ve pretty much dated within my age group give or take a few years.
I've dated one person that was much older, disaster for me for reasons beyond age.
I think there is a difference in common ground within diff. age groups, but I don't see a problem with anyone wanting to date older or younger. It's not an issue for me. I just prefer someone close to my own age or within 2-3 years.
just my 2 cents worth.

[puddin']

age makes no nevamind to me. it's all about connectedness, playfulness, intelligence and integrity in mah book...

i've been wit' women mah own age and some 20 years older or younger. it's not about age, it's about spirit.

[blondqtpie]

I am with a beautiful boi that is 14 years my senior. Have known her since I was 20.
Age don't matter !
Love is Love no matter what age.

[~baby~doll~]

i have enjoyed reading such wonderful responses. Thank you all for sharing.

For me maturity level and character are far more important than age. O/our home is poly, so some of the relationships are looser. Ages vary a great deal, half working age and half retired. Home and life is somewhat divided along this framework. W/we retirees are naturally more closely knit. This is not to say there is a gap or breakdown in the relationships with the rest. W/we just spend more time together and have been together longer and this familiarity creates a stronger and lasting bond. W/we know we are together forever and the others may just be passing through. They are very mature and W/we have many common bonds. Age difference has little to do with the relationships.
As W/we share this life together each one fills a different role. It is a happy household. Sometimes the music gets on my nerves.

[Paradox]

It can be....

That being said if it was rigidly in place, I or my younger sister wouldn't have been born.
On other aspects pertaining life experiences that's where either issues begin or they are worked through.

I have dated younger and older, but more younger - and maturity/wisdom is no where associated with age. Do I prefer someone around my age group +- 5 years yes. However you do not control who you are attracted to. And if the person feels right that's you best gauge to start.

[kittygrrl]

it's nice to see that it can be a lovely experience, but it isn't always. I think there is more synergy and safety is being with someone close to your age, with similar experiences, maybe it's not as exciting, but in my experience, kinder. This is based on my experience and observation.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think it really depends on the person and who you are. I'm sorta typical for my age in my bracket of friends, but not in the mainstream. None of us own houses or want to, a few of us have kids but the majority don't and don't want them. Most of us have lived in a different country for at least 2-3 years. Many of us have lived and work away for over five.

I get along Best with those who aren't into mortgage, house, car, etc. and that means most people my age in the wider and mainstream see me as immature. I like staying up late, I'm not into aquiring things, I prefer not to have a long range plan in terms of living. I prefer seeing what happens. So I tend to not really fit in with my age group out side of alternative circles and/or lower incomes.

Oddly, I find I attract people five to ten years my senior. But it's never a good match as they want me to move in to theirs house and follow their rules. I've never fully understood it. They see who I am, yet for some reason they want me to be the opposite when it comes to their needs.

I have tried. And maybe, for the right person, it might work. But I don't want to live in the prairies or in the states or up north.

So I find I am taking easier with people in their mid to late twenties. I find them to be a relief to be around. They don't feel quite so constricted by things just yet. Life hasn't quite kicked the shit out if them just yet and they aren't as concerned about security yet. I don't think I could have a relationship with someone in their 20's... Sex and friendship, sure. But if I did commit, it would have to be within a 10-12 year age range.