Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[starryeyes]

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry
:aslpeacelove:

[Semantics]

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

[starryeyes]

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

sounds fun! lol :-)

[dixie]

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

[Elijah]

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

[starryeyes]

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

Yes, it is, and it gives me more (if thats possible!) adoration for all you beautiful, amazing butches for being who you are and having to deal with such nonsense. Hugs to all of you on the spectrum.



Starry
:pursebee:

[starryeyes]

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??




*rolls eyes*... yeah. I thought the same thing when she asked me if I thought she was cute... um NO. I told her I liked "girls who looked like boys" (I had to go elementary on her).. she still didn't get it and was asking me if every hot girl she saw was cute. When we left, I said "peace out".. and went back to my queer folks... ahhh... I don't ever wanna leave again!! :-D

[Dreams]

I try to have fun with the whole you "must want me cause i'm female":runforhills: thing they have going on in their narrow little minds. once they get to where the subject is even broached about whether i am attracted to them, i simply state "i have standards and you just don't meet them"..i have almost brought a few to tears with that one.:overreaction: not that i need to but, I explain why should i bother with you when there are plenty of what does meet my standards available to me, women that get me.

the part i'm not sure i get is ..normally they will start to flirt with me..WTF is that about..LOL..:|

[Ms. Meander]

I think part of what scares them is that they didn't see us coming. They were hanging out with us, enjoying our company, thinking that we are pretty cool - and one of them.

Finding out that their neat little definitions of us are completely wrong and that we are the dreaded "other", throws them into a narrow-minded spin.

With such people, I know longer even try to explain to them what my type is, only that it is not them. If someone is already so ignorant, they are not going to get my fondness for gender-benders. Because the next thing out of their mouths is going to be something about what I really want is a real man but I don't know it because I am fucked up in some way. AT THIS POINT - someone is about to be slapped.

Of course, different situations call for different levels of disclosure. And maybe we can educate a few people in situations like these. But sometimes, it's just useless. :byebye:

[atomiczombie]

When a straight woman assumes you want every woman you see, ask her, well, do you want every man you see? Mebbe then she will get it.

Oh, and sorry for posting here since I am not a Femme, just adding a suggestion.

[Martina]

The irony of that is straight women come on to dykes WAY more often than we come on to them.

i like feminine women too, but i have no desire to introduce someone to lesbian sex. What she probably thinks of as lesbian sex is not the kind of sex i like.

i really have had a number of straight women just express shock that i was not interested in fucking them.

i guess they think they're doing us a favor.

[Mister Bent]

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

Really?

It seems to me the femme experience (which is what I believed this thread to be about) has marked differences, and that the OP was speaking in part about the impact of the sudden lifting of the veil of invisibility, which is not a thing any masculine presenting person has to face.

I'm not butch, but as a masculine person, I wouldn't say I much relate to the OP's experience, though I have become the object (uncomfortably so) of others bi-curiosity. Perhaps it's because I'm not trying to occupy "female" space (for example, sharing a room during business travel), or maybe because I do not otherwise engage in "predatory" type behaviors, but I believe my indifference conveys exactly the message I wish.

I think Drew had good advice: "When a straight woman assumes you want every woman you see, ask her, well, do you want every man you see?"

Also, my apologies for sticking my nose in femme space. I'm curious about this aspect of femme invisibility, and the repercussions.

[Ebon]

How about the ones that ask if you are attracted to them then get offended when you say no. "Well why not?!!"


Sorry you have to go through this starry. Maybe she will come around and realize you are still the same person.

[Arwen]

Have had this happen.
I look them in the eye and tell them, "Sorry, but I won't date anyone who would wear my clothes or borrow my makeup on a regular basis."

I get a bit annoyed at the idea that I am so out of control with my sexual preferences that I would pounce on someone.

Agree with the sentiments expressed re: Do you want every man you see?

NO MAS!

[Gemme]

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??



Because she would have already tap danced on my last nerve with the other stuff she's said in your class, I think I would look her directly in the eye and say, "Frankly, no." and then walk away. Her insecurities would take care of the rest.

It doesn't matter that, to me, she'd fall into the 'too pretty' category. I'm just mean enough to prefer the other way. :)

[EnderD_503]

I get a bit annoyed at the idea that I am so out of control with my sexual preferences that I would pounce on someone.


This exactly. With the whole queer/lgbt spectrum the general public seem to have this idea that we're all a bunch of out of control sexual predators who are just waiting to pounce on straight people. Centuries of propaganda have done their work on the heterosexual psyche...

[Martina]

One of the weirder experiences i had was with a friend's sister. She would not give up. She is a married straight woman. She had had two affairs with women. Apparently her husband didn't care or didn't count affairs with women to be the same. Then she lost a lesbian friend of hers by constantly hitting on her. Then she ran me off too. In between hitting on us, she bitched about her husband. i am not sure whether we were supposed to fill a need he couldn't or wouldn't, or whether she was trying to convince us that the relationship wasn't that strong.

My god that women would not take no for an answer. i had to stop going to my friend's parties and events because she would be there.

So years later, i thought it must be safe and i went to one of his parties. She was there and introduced me to someone as the woman she almost married. *shaking my head* In her dreams.

[Strappie]

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry
:aslpeacelove:

Welcome to a Butches world.... We or at least I go through this almost daily. Not being asked but the gesture's and the looks and yes even the "sir, you have the wrong bathroom."

It's every day living for me.

[Martina]

i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.

[Elijah]

Sorry folks, it was not My intent to negate or diminish starry's experience. I apologize. I posted because her experience resonated with Me, especially when I first came out. I didn't notice this was posted in "The Femme Zone" until after I had already replied.

~Elijah

[starryeyes]

Welcome to a Butches world.... We or at least I go through this almost daily. Not being asked but the gesture's and the looks and yes even the "sir, you have the wrong bathroom."

It's every day living for me.

I know, Strappie. I was just venting in the femme room, cause well.. it bugged me. It was never my intent to diminish a butches experience at all! I know that I have femme privilege, and I guess I am just used to it, to be frank. I was raised in a queer household, and am pretty much surrounded by the queer community and supporters, so I have never really encountered this (besides an isolated incident that happened in the past). Femme privilege and invisibility can be a bitch tho too... but that's another thread.

Hugs to you Strap
Starry

[The_Lady_Snow]

I think it's great that you vented in the Femme Zone starry, we Femme's need to vent and have OTHER Femmes share this form of imposed intrusion. Sorry YOU had to experience this ickiness with your ignorant co worker.

[starryeyes]

I think it's great that you vented in the Femme Zone starry, we Femme's need to vent and have OTHER Femmes share this form of imposed intrusion. Sorry YOU had to experience this ickiness with your ignorant co worker.

Thanks!

:pursebee:

[dixie]

Totally agree with the "every man" thing. Normally when I run across this scenario I simply ask them "Do you believe every man you meet is attracted to you?" They always say no. I then ask them why they think every woman would be. (Unless they're totally rude then I just say "Then why would you be so conceited to think that every woman would".) Usually you can see the light bulb go off above their heads as if this thought process never occurred to them.

(We're discussing gender/non-gendered issues next week, so can't wait to see what the girl comes up with for that one. :seeingstars:)

[starryeyes]

Me too... lol. Let us know!!!

[always2late]

Sigh...I work with a woman who, once she found out I was gay, felt the need to adamantly assert that she is straight in just about every conversation. Finally I kinda put it out there that I was not attracted to her...and got the reaction that others on the thread have described. The "Why not???" reaction. And then...having decided she could still be my "friend" even though I don't want her...now weekly tries to set me up...with other femmes! And canNOT for the life of her understand why I tell her that I am not attracted to them...because, after all...they are GAY (and apparently that is the only thing I require to find someone attractive). I tried the "Well are you attracted to every man that crosses your field of vision just because they are men?" The response? "But they're gay!" *rme* If it wasn't so pathetically ignorant it would almost be funny.

[Mister Bent]

I know, Strappie. I was just venting in the femme room, cause well.. it bugged me. It was never my intent to diminish a butches experience at all! I know that I have femme privilege, and I guess I am just used to it, to be frank. I was raised in a queer household, and am pretty much surrounded by the queer community and supporters, so I have never really encountered this (besides an isolated incident that happened in the past). Femme privilege and invisibility can be a bitch tho too... but that's another thread.

Hugs to you Strap
Starry

I didn't see your post at all diminishing of the "butch experience." Nor do I see this as a discussion about privilege (for which there are threads), but rather an entirely separate issue unique to feminine presenting queer women.

This:
I think part of what scares them is that they didn't see us coming. They were hanging out with us, enjoying our company, thinking that we are pretty cool - and one of them.

Finding out that their neat little definitions of us are completely wrong and that we are the dreaded "other", throws them into a narrow-minded spin.

And then, also:

Because the next thing out of their mouths is going to be something about what I really want is a real man but I don't know it because I am fucked up in some way. AT THIS POINT - someone is about to be slapped.
and

i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.

Butches, transgendered folk, we're already "othered;" we're not in the club, and so this isn't something we are likely to experience. It's not the same as the looks we get when someone decides we're in the wrong restroom. Over the years, I have heard isolated tales from femme friends; incidents like yours, starry, that speak to this acceptance (the privilege of which you spoke), then "betrayal" or shock, or objectification, and then the "othering." I hope it doesn't seem weird or inappropriate, but I suppose I was interested in seeing if your post was going to open up that discussion among the feminine women here. I really hope I'm making sense here (and probably should get out of the way of those to whom this issue is relevant).

[foxyshaman]

Invisible here too.

I seem to live in the black singleton, black jean, black boot capital of the prairie closed mind. I love my tight jeans, my heels, or flip flops, fun hair, multi-colored toe nails, earrings that never match.... and the list goes on. I tell ya when I walk into our gay bars I am OUT OF PLACE. I swear if I walked in wearing the black attire, it would be easier... But for the most part I am never seen on the street. I am always SHOCKED when I am spotted out and about.

In the straight world... like work...well this is one thing I accidentally learnt...never ever playfully flirt with a co-worker (no matter how cute her ass looks in the sweet black skirt) cause one day she may be your boss. Yup fun times for me. :seeingstars: It has been four years since I transferred to her group, and she is still not comfortable with me... what's a gal to do?? I should have done what my grandmother taught me "save my breath to cool my porridge". I don't ever flirt anymore at work...nope not ever...

[Gemme]

My boss kind of knows I'm queer. One of her sons is gay and we've discussed that and her diffiiculties in coming to terms with it. She knows that one of my past partners was female. She has no idea, as far as I know, that Ebon is TG.

I don't think she'll go all 'ohhh, now it's going to be weird working with you, etc' but there's that fear that does lie in the back of my mind that it could happen, if not with her, then with others. This company is designed to be a family environment and with that comes gossip and familial judgements. I am most likely going to be with this company for a while and I don't want to create any blunders that could make that time more difficult for me than it has to be. Perhaps that's being selfish and maybe I'm not putting forth the "proper" amount of GLBT3Q2I activism, but it's my reality.

I've never had anyone directly say to me, once they learned I'm Queer, that they thought I would hit on them or that there would be any kind of inappropriate work relationship with them. There was one girl who I did detect a slight bit of disappointment as time went on after she found out and I think she was hoping I'd hit on her. She was soooo not my type though. :blink:

Even though I haven't had that confrontation with someone, I do keep in mind it could come any time someone new finds out. It's not as bad as walking on eggshells but I do feel stifled a bit. One day....one day....I'll be able to not worry about it at all and that will be a nice day. :)

[Pixie]

I find it humorous that when, specifying what your interests are, a person can come back with "ohhhh, that explains alot." Wtf??? :seeingstars:
A minute ago you thought I was swimming after the same fish? People astound me at times.

[TickledPink]

My biggest gripe about the "straight woman finding out I'm queer" talk is when said person meets my partner, then later says, "I don't get it, they look like a guy, whey don't you just date guys?"

OY FUCKING VEY!

[starryeyes]

My biggest gripe about the "straight woman finding out I'm queer" talk is when said person meets my partner, then later says, "I don't get it, they look like a guy, whey don't you just date guys?"

OY FUCKING VEY!

Agreed! :fastdraq:

Starry

[DoReMiFemme]

My biggest gripe about the "straight woman finding out I'm queer" talk is when said person meets my partner, then later says, "I don't get it, they look like a guy, whey don't you just date guys?"

OY FUCKING VEY!

Also agreed. This one of my biggest pet peeves. I will note that I seem to get this kind of commentary less from my straight female friends and more from my male friends (be they gay or straight). Not sure why that is?

[starryeyes]

Also agreed. This one of my biggest pet peeves. I will note that I seem to get this kind of commentary less from my straight female friends and more from my male friends (be they gay or straight). Not sure why that is?

My gay male friends also do not understand, or sometimes even respect my preferences for butches. The grab femmes in bars, introduce me to them, tell me that someday I will end up with a "pretty girl" etc. Such a weird dynamic. I still love my gays tho. I accept it more coming from them, and even laugh it off. I absolutely despise it coming from the straight world... I dunno why? Maybe I need to examine that.

Starry

:aslpeacelove:

[Ms. Meander]

i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.


Yes. Exactly.

The situation in the OP happens to me occasionally but even more often, the straight woman (who is practically a stranger, no more than an acquaintance), upon learning of my queerness, suddenly feels entitled to ask intimate questions of the sort that they would never dream of asking other people in polite conversation. Often these questions are based in such ignorance that I feel compelled to illuminate.

I am not one to shy away from frank sexual discussion but in cases like these, I often feel like the circus freak in the eyes of the questioner which feels somehow diminishing.

I am not a spectacle, here for your amusement.

I suspect the reason they feel comfortable being inappropriate has to do with the fact that they did identify with me before I came out to them, and therefore feel some level of safety. I also believe that whether they are "afraid" I will now try to bed them OR they simply take liberties in conversation, the motivation has everything to do with their own fears and insecurities. If they liked me so much before they knew, if they identified with me, perhaps even admired me in some way - what does this now say about them? I believe most of the reactions we are discussing have to do with her trying to figure out herself in relation to me, given the new information. Curiosity is fine. Understandable. But I am still a person - who appreciates my privacy and a certain amount of etiquette among strangers and acquaintances.

I am forced to come out regularly. Again and again. I sometimes find it tiresome but generally accept it. In our society, I am "other". I am proud of who I am and who I love.

[Merlin]

*sticks head round the door* I think all you femmes are amazing,the way you all stand by us makes me fuzzy inside.

You are amazing !!

[Heart]

I live in a place where there are many diverse queers and although I am most likely seen as straight initially, I have not had to deal with the kind of homophobic confrontations described here. But I have dealt with the rather odd phenomena of having straight women contact me via a few dating sites I have been on to say that they would like to talk to me about their needs/feelings about wanting to try sleeping with a woman. Has any other femme experienced this?

I have also had several straight women openly proposition me on dating sites. This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women. But who knows? I have ignored these messages since I am not in the business of talking to strangers about, nor satisfying, their queer-curiosity. It feels hugely intrusive since I'm on a dating site in order to date interesting out butches, as I clearly say.

Heart

P.S. I think this is an important discussion that has not been had before, to my recollection, and it has zip to do with butch experiences. Femmes have their own experiences.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I live in a place where there are many diverse queers and although I am most likely seen as straight initially, I have not had to deal with the kind of homophobic confrontations described here. But I have dealt with the rather odd phenomena of having straight women contact me via a few dating sites I have been on to say that they would like to talk to me about their needs/feelings about wanting to try sleeping with a woman. Has any other femme experienced this?

I have also had several straight women openly proposition me on dating sites. This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women. But who knows? I have ignored these messages since I am not in the business of talking to strangers about, nor satisfying, their queer-curiosity. It feels hugely intrusive since I'm on a dating site in order to date interesting out butches, as I clearly say.

Heart

P.S. I think this is an important discussion that has not been had before, to my recollection, and it has zip to do with butch experiences. Femmes have their own experiences.


I've experienced uncomfortable "hey what's it like to lick on *****" or just ugly come at me at a dinner table cause I'm queer and want to have deep conversations on what it's like to be with women.

I don't mind sharing, answering questions sometimes though the straight women can be intrusive and down right crude with their questions and it almost feel like I am under a microscope so I won't participate if their intent is coming off that way.

Other than that straight girls stay away, I'm pretty Queer, as soon as I open my mouth you can tell I'm nothing like a straight woman.

As for measuring our experiences to that of butches.

I don't like it when we (Femmes) try to have conversations within our zone and then butches/guys come in with the whole "now you know" thing.

I don't nor will I my experiences as a Femme are different, still VALID, still REAL, they are what WE (Femmes) go through and sometimes we just wanna talk about it amongst ourselves and get tips or just have someone with commonality *listen*

I'm truly sorry this happened to you starry, sometimes it's hard to maneuver relationships with straight folk at work and other places, they have all the space in the world to be straight where we do not. I would definitely keep a journal of the happenings for work purposes in case this woman attempts to act out or continue to be weird and make your work space weird.

Thanks for sharing.:)

[Merlin]

Of course we experience things differently.

I did get a bit of a bad taste in my mouth when I read now you know what we go through.

It's not a p*ssing contest to see who has had a rougher deal in life.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Of course we experience things differently.

I did get a bit of a bad taste in my mouth when I read now you know what we go through.

It's not a p*ssing contest to see who has had a rougher deal in life.


I never said it was a pissing contest.

This is the FEMME zone, so it's intrusive to have butches/guys shame us on our experience. This was supposed to be space designed where Femme's could come and discuss their trials and tribulations in the world, with one another, etc etc.

[Merlin]

Woops you took me the wrong way,that was meant for other butches,not the femmes.

I stand by what I put as my first post. No offence meant.

[Mister Bent]

I never said it was a pissing contest.

This is the FEMME zone, so it's intrusive to have butches/guys shame us on our experience. This was supposed to be space designed where Femme's could come and discuss their trials and tribulations in the world, with one another, etc etc.

...and where butch/trans support of femme needs to be more evolved than cheering all the ways femmes support us, which still only views femme as an identity in relation to butch.

Hey, I own it, I had to get schooled on that, too. I may still not be getting it right, but I know my participation here is secondary and the experiences being discussed don't belong to me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

...and where butch/trans support of femme needs to be more evolved than cheering all the ways femmes support us, which still only views femme as an identity in relation to butch.

Hey, I own it, I had to get schooled on that, too. I may still not be getting it right, but I know my participation here is secondary and the experiences being discussed don't belong to me.




Yeah I am not a fan of placating. It's oogie and it take away from the convo, I don't need a pat pat soothe from someone cause of their *feelings* as an ally, reading and listening and understanding is enough support for me.

Calling out the isms and crap against us says more to *me* than the pat pat you're so cute admiration.

*shrugs*

[Chancie]

<snip>

This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women.

<snip>


Why would you assume that, Heart?

[Heart]

Goooooood question Chancie. Hmmmmm....

I guess I assume that straight women are attracted to masculinity and would therefore gravitate towards butches.

Plus, I recall my own experience years ago as a straight-identified woman fascinated and attracted to masculine women.

And I think I've also internalized the whole straight woman/butch thing. You know the one I mean... how butches get hit on by curious straight women all the time and/or how butches are interested in "conquesting" straight women. (This aspect of femme invisibility is actually a very tender spot for me on a personal level). How many threads have we seen about butches and straight women? This is the first I can recall about femmes and straight women.

Anyway... I was surely making big assumptions. Thanks for calling me out on that.

Heart

[Quintease]

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

That.

Whoever said 'Welcome to the world of butch', erm.. welcome to my world and I'm not the slightest bit butch.

All my life I've attracted straight women, men and couples. I don't know what it is but I seem to have 'Fck Me I'm Easy' written all over my forehead. Which is ironic as I'm not into straight women, men or heterosexuals couples.. but they don't get it. The mere fact that I'm breathing means I'm interested, no?

I've also had the horrorhorror. The "oh my god!!! You want to sleep with me don't you? Well you can't! I like CCK! I don't do pussy! Don't come near me, I know you're going to leap on me as soon as I turn my back."

:blink:

Actually I'm not interested in you, you're perfectly safe with me.

"What? You don't think I'm sexy??? How dare you!!!!"

Actually I'm exaggerating. Usually they don't speak to me ever again. They just ensure they keep their back to the wall whenever I'm around, and there's a door nearby :bolt:

[LaneyDoll]

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??



OMG, something close happened to me! I was in a training class for my club and we went to eat lunch the last day. I was at a table with a visiting girl and her friend (a guy) and when she found out I was a lesbian she said "All lesbians tell me they can change me, that I would be one too, are you going to do that?" And I said "No, honey IF I wanted you, I would have had you by now." Her friend almost choked on his drink but it really did break the tension.

[Soon]

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."


So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.


--------------------------

[starryeyes]

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."


So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.


--------------------------

Sorry you had to experience this from a friend. They are supposed to be the people that you trust, and it obviously backfired! This is ridiculous. From what I have gathered, people get afraid and go into "protection" mode because they do not understand.

I have even done this in my community... specifically with a butch who was into the leather community (something I knew nothing about!). I did some of the same things as stated above, asked stupid questions, was guarded, etc. It wasn't until we talked about it more, understood that she wasn't going to whip me, or force me into some satanic play (lol) that I realized I was just judging her off assumptions. Now, I have met one of the most wonderful, caring, sweet and amazing butches ever!! I am glad she didn't write me off immediately and gave me a chance! Education and conversation are definitely important!!

Just my thought for the day!

[smouldering]

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole :blink:..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I once had to share a hotel room with a married woman while at a conference(wont get into the specifics). Half of the night she asked me what I thought was hot about her (oh yes) and the other half was asking me how I thought her ass looked. You can imagine I was not thrilled to answer these questions. I avoided them as best I could by giving generic answers like "yup, its ok" We had a few drinks...ok who are we kidding a whole bunch of drinks and before you know it she was trying to seduce me AS IF I was interested.

Ummmmm...I tucked her into bed and told her she would regret it in the morning

Funny how straight women just assume I am interested once they find out I am a lesbian...I have standards...SHEESH!

[starryeyes]

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole :blink:..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

[princessbelle]

A long time ago i was in Gatlinburg with a bunch of people, some friends and some friends of friends. It had been brought up by one of my "friends* that i was gay and had been a topic of the day. The....what do you do when you have sex, if you like them butch why not just have a "man", where you born "this" way, were you abused as a child, on and on, the typical crap questions that most of us roll our eyes to and pray they end quickly.

We had decided to get one of those old time pictures made and 3 of us went into the dressing room at one time. I noticed two of the girls, i didn't know that well, were with me and were sorta huddled together in the corner of this big room where we dressed. I just thought, well they are sorta odd.

It did not OCCUR to me until DAYS later what they were probably thinking....i would galk at them or admire/want them cause i'm "gay". They were definately uncomfortable with me in there with them. When i figured out this was more than likely the reason for them acting so strange it hurt my feelings so bad and made me sick.

You know sometimes i still feel like an alien on this planet. Like someone that once it is "out" that i'm gay i am then some wild animal after anything in a skirt and will stop at nothing to get it.

I get so frustrated and shocked at how *some* straight people still see us. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[starryeyes]

I once had to share a hotel room with a married woman while at a conference(wont get into the specifics). Half of the night she asked me what I thought was hot about her (oh yes) and the other half was asking me how I thought her ass looked. You can imagine I was not thrilled to answer these questions. I avoided them as best I could by giving generic answers like "yup, its ok" We had a few drinks...ok who are we kidding a whole bunch of drinks and before you know it she was trying to seduce me AS IF I was interested.

Ummmmm...I tucked her into bed and told her she would regret it in the morning

Funny how straight women just assume I am interested once they find out I am a lesbian...I have standards...SHEESH!


yuck! That is so gross....

[Martina]

generally, i get the "oh i can see it now" when i come out to people because i am not that feminine. i don't do my nails, wear makeup. When i was thinner, i wore heels, and i do prefer skirts, but i am still very low maintenance. i do pass however.

But when i come out, they accept my identity. i don't get that stuff about something bad happened to me as a child or i just haven't met the right man.

i think there is enough andro in me that their gestalt shifts, and they say, "Ah. i see it now." i have a low voice too.

Anyway, you all online may find this hard to believe, but people tend to like me. And i do see people sort of grieve the person they thought i was. Usually i come out pretty fast, but sometimes for whatever reason, i get to know someone a litte before she learns i am gay. It's weird sometimes witnessing that sense of loss. i guess they can't be friends with a lesbian. Or drop their guard enough for whatever reason to be comfortable around one.

On the other hand, i have a great straight woman friend. She has other lesbian friends. i also have a good friend whose wife's best friend is a dyke. i feel super comfortable around her. i like the company of women. It's sad to feel cut off from that when they can't deal with the fact that i am a dyke.

[LaneyDoll]

They were definately uncomfortable with me in there with them. When i figured out this was more than likely the reason for them acting so strange it hurt my feelings so bad and made me sick.

You know sometimes i still feel like an alien on this planet. Like someone that once it is "out" that i'm gay i am then some wild animal after anything in a skirt and will stop at nothing to get it.

I get so frustrated and shocked at how *some* straight people still see us. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That sucks!!! But laugh about it, you are not the one with a closed mind :)

~taking a moment to be thankful that most of my female friends are bi AND in some form of alt lifestyle~

[smouldering]

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

I am totally game!! lol :police:

[swan]

One of the funniest/saddest straight moments for me was when I accidentally came out to a friend of mine. We weren't super close friends, but we're okay. You know, wouldn't invite her over for movie night, but we hang together sometimes when we see each other at work functions and friend's parties and such. I was out with a couple of my gay male friends and went to a drag queen show at a gay bar. When we left the bar and were walking down the street the car, I hear "Swan! Hey Swanee! Hey Swan!" and I look up and here she comes.

She hugs me, gets all gushy and then she says "I wasn't sure it was you because I saw you come come out of That Bar with the guys!" I introduced her around and she realized all the men in the group were queer.

The next day at work, she says "It was weird seeing you with all the gay dudes, how come they let you hang with them?" I said "well, I checked "other" in the Penis box on my application and they let me in. They don't care, as long as you're still queer."

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."

:glasses:

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

She's nice enough and not intentionallly offensive, just kind of ignorant and she has a faulty brain/mouth filter, so she asks the most outrageously funny/weird/sad questions about "What it's like to be one of you". I find myself avoiding her sometimes because I find it difficult to deal with her when I have to be the Tour Guide on the Gay Safari Tour of Planet Gay. I wish she'd just forget about my sexuality and go back to being her ditzy clueless self. When she realized I was avoiding her, her feelings were hurt. She couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to date her or not. When I explained to her that I generally don't go for the Girly Girls, and I NEVER go for straight ones, she wasn't offended or anything. She just said "yeah, it's easier to get a date when you stick with your own kind." Again, not intentionally offensive but I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. She's one of those people who's going to be a teenager until she's 80.

[Starrynightaw]

I think the scariest moment to me was when I told my best friend at that time I was Queer. She seemed completely okay... til she realized what it meant. You would have thought I saw I slapped her mother how she acted. Now I realize it was fear, for her to not know anything and never be around anyone other than straight friends she had no idea how to handle what I said. Now when I tell someone, I am sure to explain anything so we both don't freak out.

[TxBelle]

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."

:glasses:

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?


.

I get this all the time! But you look so 'normal'. I do my nails, have long hair, often wear make-up, and dresses... I am normal, I just happen to normally like butches!

[swan]

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?



Note: this was not intended as a slam towards KD Lang or Ellen, or their "types"... I happen to think they're all Hottie McHottersons...

[imperfect_cupcake]

ugh god. this has happened plenty of times. Though I'm pretty vocal about being a big ol queer, I still have people suddenly reacting like "WHAT? you... omg." and getting angry about because I snuck past their radar for five minutes. Like I invaded some inner sanctum as a destructive spy. The other part is when later, they come on to you after a few drinks. gosh, that's fun.

Tbh, I get more comming onto me that being horrified. But they get really insulted when you aren't interested. Though one friend when she grabbed me in an alleyway and snogged the hell out of me (????!!! eh. ok. I'll wait for it to stop) when she finished I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She got a little indignant and said "WHAT?"
"oh c'mon, s, this is completely ridiculous, don't be silly. lets go back in and get another beer."

I think by far the worst has been when I was in some cabins when I was doing field research. I was in a room with 7 other girls. One was a navy gal who was serving part time and doing part time studies. When she found out I was lesbian (not like I *hid it* I openly talked about my partner at the time) she refused to get changed around me. To their benefit most of the other girls just rolled their eyes at her but some took up the same vigilant stance.

I came in once, to hose off after being in the mangrove swamp and she was in her jungle stained cotton sweaty knickers and she covered herself and *screamed*. I recall yelling "oh for god's sake. you wouldn't be my type if you were the last one alive" and sat down. She got all upset I was still there and went into the bathroom.

I left and I went into the court yard and bitched about it to one of my colleagues I was getting along with who stayed in a small two floor cabin. four guys on the bottom, four girls on the top. She said "oh. well that sucks. why don't you come and stay in our cabin? We're the naked bisexual cabin. we don't give a shit." That was SO nice. So I went and stayed with them. :D

and I became very good mates with the guys downstairs. it was a very happy ending indeed.

[imperfect_cupcake]

It's weird sometimes witnessing that sense of loss.

That. It usually takes a while for whatever office I'm working in (I temp a lot) for it to trickle round the office I'm a gayer. English people are pretty good at not letting a beat pass between "... my wife...." and the next sentence. It's a relief to not have to deal with the facial reactions any more. However, the subtle change of behaviour is sometimes a bit sad (if I care enough to notice). I do get some strange expressions of suprise when I talk about my wigs and my sky scraper heels and pictures on my phone of my wedding etc. I usually just laugh it off with "oh I'm really just a big ol drag queen inside." that either confuses them enough to never ever ask again or a light bulb goes on in some bizzare way. The straight girls who do get it are a hoot though.

[*Anya*]

I always speak for myself when I post: I have had this happen so many times! Because I am femme and "pass"-they always assume I am straight. When I correct that assumption, straight girls either act like somehow I betrayed them because of their assumption or it changes the dynamic of the friend relationship because they assume I am then looking @ them sexually. Maybe I should make a pin to wear: I am a lesbian & only attracted sexually to butches! Femmes are my buddies, chat, gossip,go shopping with.,etc; not to bed!

[*Anya*]

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.
This is so funny! I just laughed outloud @ work! Love it!

[foxyshaman]

It has been a very long road for me to access my Femme. I really do love being a dirt dog, but now I have decided my "label" myself as a spiritually minded dirt dog with Femme overtones.

I lived so long in the hetronormative reality as a single parent working hard to keep a roof over our head and... all that goes with that. The men I was attached to, in retrospect, were in need of a woman caretaker. I realized in my last hetro relationship that I was the masculine partner and I grew to resent that soooooo much it filtered in aspects of how I related to others. It was not until I was in a relationship with a woman that I really started to access my Femme. I love being Femme and feminine and all other aspects of what I feel I denied myself for so long. I guess I am finally at a place in my life where I can let my guard down and just be... It has been very hard on me and has led to idenity crisis' I did not know existed within me.

It is difficult in this praire, just north of the bible belt, town to be express my full on Femme. But the alternative is to bury that part of me again, and that is just not acceptable.

I can still use my power tools, even if they have diminshed <insert sad sigh>. I can still change my oil, tires and have a good idea what is wrong with my car. I can still fix the plumbing and all the other stuff I love to do. But now there is this beautiful part of me that I can express... joyfully.

[chefhottie25]

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry
:aslpeacelove:

What an experience you had. I have never been in that situation...but I have had the other possibilty happen. Straight women who suddenly want to know what it would be like to kiss or mess around with a lesbian. lol

[imperfect_cupcake]

It has been a very long road for me to access my Femme. I really do love being a dirt dog, but now I have decided my "label" myself as a spiritually minded dirt dog with Femme overtones.

I lived so long in the hetronormative reality as a single parent working hard to keep a roof over our head and... all that goes with that. The men I was attached to, in retrospect, were in need of a woman caretaker. I realized in my last hetro relationship that I was the masculine partner and I grew to resent that soooooo much it filtered in aspects of how I related to others. It was not until I was in a relationship with a woman that I really started to access my Femme. I love being Femme and feminine and all other aspects of what I feel I denied myself for so long. I guess I am finally at a place in my life where I can let my guard down and just be... It has been very hard on me and has led to idenity crisis' I did not know existed within me.

It is difficult in this praire, just north of the bible belt, town to be express my full on Femme. But the alternative is to bury that part of me again, and that is just not acceptable.

I can still use my power tools, even if they have diminshed <insert sad sigh>. I can still change my oil, tires and have a good idea what is wrong with my car. I can still fix the plumbing and all the other stuff I love to do. But now there is this beautiful part of me that I can express... joyfully.

I completely understand many aspects of the bolded part. I was VERY tomboy in my relationships with men. I even dressed several of them up like girls, strapped on and screwed the hell out of them (fun though! :D I can't help but like a little forced feminization once in a while in terms of consentual play. heh.) and my dad hated me to be feminine. He always told me I would never be taken seriously if I was too feminine.

And same with me, it wasn't until I left bisexuality and male partners that I felt able to be vunerable enough to celebrate my femininity. I feel like a fabulous drag queen at times and a pretty but strong woman at others. I still do most of the DYI cause I enjoy it (inki fixes the bikes, she much better at it) and my dad taught me everything he knows where as my partner's father hired people to do the fixing of things, so she never learned.

I love the dirt and camping and reptiles and fascinating bugs and getting sweaty and I used to be a complete jock (getting back into it). One femme friend I have is taking gladiator training (roman stylee!) and I'm so jealous. She's a real amazon that girl.

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

[ScandalAndy]

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!


I was very masculine in college and loved fixing my car, rescuing damsels in distress and being the protector of many of my female friends (it didn't hurt that it helped me meet a lot of ladies, either).

These days I find myself reluctant to mention those aspects of myself because I feel it invalidates my femme identity. Does fixing a flat tire in heels make me less of a femme? I'm not sure, but I am certainly insecure about it. It's just another thing that causes some of my hetero friends to be reminded that I am "other" than them.

[foxyshaman]

I love the dirt and camping and reptiles and fascinating bugs and getting sweaty and I used to be a complete jock (getting back into it). One femme friend I have is taking gladiator training (roman stylee!) and I'm so jealous. She's a real amazon that girl.

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

I understand that very well. I am a farmer's daughter and I helped fix whatever I could. And I still love to. I just did not always want to be the one who did it.

I still feel very vulnerable when I am out and about in all my Drag Beauty... I love my curves, and my hips and my abundant breasts... I still have to pull courage out of my ass sometimes to dress in my full on Femme. I find being dismissed being the most painful part. I have been mocked while out dancing, can I help it that being a drummer for 20 years has left me with a superior beat finder in my hips?? :thumbsup:

[Talon]

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.

[JAGG]

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.

I don't mind it that much. Roflol.

[homoe]

I so agree! I think their thinking is we have no standards or morales and we'd jump at the chance to sleep with them! Thank you very much, but straight girls keep moving right along!

[thedivahrrrself]

She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.
:aslpeacelove:

I got outed in high school, so I've dealt with this much of my life, Oklahoma is a pretty conservative place.

Mostly I just make a joke out of it and tell women they have a really big head if they think every lesbian likes them. (I don't even try to explain why I ID as queer, not lez) If they don't get this, I start pointing at traditionally unattractive guys, and say something like, "You're straight, you like him, right? And him too, right? And him?"

And then I tell them I don't date women who wear makeup and heels, which inevitably leads to the "why don't you just date a man?" conversation (again, not going to approach the fact that I like trans guys too; it could blow their little minds), to which I've just come up with the simple reply of "They smell gross and have too much body hair. It icks me out." It's a gross oversimplification, but it shuts them up. Sometimes you have to consider your audience and tailor your answer to something they can understand.

[thedivahrrrself]

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.

OH my Lawd, this creeps me the hell out when women do this! It's only happened a few times, and I try to be sensitive (in my experience, they tend to be the girls with lower self-esteems, or higher blood-alcohol levels!), but explain I don't just mess around (period), and that coming out of the closet is a prerequisite to even kissing me.

[JAGG]

What bothers me is when they figure me out , and start rounding up their kids. Like if I'm in target or something. "Tommy, Susan, get over here, stay right here by me". I want to say in a fake cartoon evil voice, "Yeah the big bad butch might get you." Lol

[thedivahrrrself]

What bothers me is when they figure me out , and start rounding up their kids. Like if I'm in target or something. "Tommy, Susan, get over here, stay right here by me". I want to say in a fake cartoon evil voice, "Yeah the big bad butch might get you." Lol

Oh God, that's the worst! Makes you want to say, "That toddler is nice and plump. I ate one just like him for breakfast this morning. Took forever to bake."

Ah, bigots. Some are entertaining, some make you want to puke, but everywhere you look in Oklahoma, there's another one.

[Talon]

I don't mind it that much. Roflol.

*chuckle*

Yeah....why doesn't that suprise me, Jagg? :sunglass:

[JAGG]

*chuckle*

Yeah....why doesn't that suprise me, Jagg? :sunglass:

Because you're smart like that ! I can't sneak anything by you. =)

[Talon]

OH my Lawd, this creeps me the hell out when women do this! It's only happened a few times, and I try to be sensitive (in my experience, they tend to be the girls with lower self-esteems, or higher blood-alcohol levels!), but explain I don't just mess around (period), and that coming out of the closet is a prerequisite to even kissing me.

E-X-A-C-T-L-E-Y....

[Talon]

Because you're smart like that ! I can't sneak anything by you. =)


Well....that is true....:eyebat:

[JAGG]

Oh God, that's the worst! Makes you want to say, "That toddler is nice and plump. I ate one just like him for breakfast this morning. Took forever to bake."

Ah, bigots. Some are entertaining, some make you want to puke, but everywhere you look in Oklahoma, there's another one.
They are not native to Tulsa. They are everywhere you look. All over this country and other countries as well.
I have traveled to many places and people are the same everywhere. Some are nice, some stare , some are rude , etc...
I have lived her for 23 yrs. Never had one single problem. Tulsa has been very good to me. I had more problems in Ca. And Colarado than anywhere.

[JAGG]

I so agree! I think their thinking is we have no standards or morales and we'd jump at the chance to sleep with them! Thank you very much, but straight girls keep moving right along!

No kidding . I just want to say don't flatter yourself.

[thedivahrrrself]

The are not native to Tulsa. They are everywhere you look. All over this country and other countries as well.
I have traveled to many places and people are the same everywhere. Some are nice, some stare , some are rude , etc...
I have lived her for 23 yrs. Never had one single problem. Tulsa has been very good to me. I had more problems in Ca. And Colarado than anywhere.

True that. I remember having this conversation with a street preacher in Portland, OR. "I thought I left people like you in Oklahoma!" LoL Tulsa is not bad, but my old hometown is pretty awful.

[starryeyes]

Haha I forgot about this incident!! It happened again on the next cruise I was on also, except she told me she " was glad she didn't know I was a lesbian before, or she would have never shared a room with me, but I'm cool" lol. I wasn't sure if I should be offended or complimented for the "cool" part, lmao. Oh well. It's the nature of the beast I suppose!! Good news is I *just* booked a 7 day Alaskan cruise for July, and my roommate is a lesbian too!! Yehaw!!! Actually, it's with my girlfriend and it was 100% free... Well if you don't count the blood, sweat and tears I put into working the ones I did, lol :-) (I get free cruises in exchange for the ones I work)

:-D can't wait!!!

[Justin]

Haha I forgot about this incident!! It happened again on the next cruise I was on also, except she told me she " was glad she didn't know I was a lesbian before, or she would have never shared a room with me, but I'm cool" lol. I wasn't sure if I should be offended or complimented for the "cool" part, lmao. Oh well. It's the nature of the beast I suppose!! Good news is I *just* booked a 7 day Alaskan cruise for July, and my roommate is a lesbian too!! Yehaw!!! Actually, it's with my girlfriend and it was 100% free... Well if you don't count the blood, sweat and tears I put into working the ones I did, lol :-) (I get free cruises in exchange for the ones I work)

:-D can't wait!!!

I cant wait either hunnie :clap:and I will continue to give you extra love and affection to pay for all the blood, sweat and tears :drool:. Straight women always think you want them or that your going to corrupt their children :rolleyes:

[Quintease]

A straight girl really offended me recently, only she had no idea that she did so.

I went to a networking event and took my husband else I would have known nobody. A woman came up to talk to me and we got along quite well as we were both foreigners. It was during a conversation about our travels that I mentioned my ex wife..

Instantly she changed. She became flirtatious, 'admitted' to me she was bisexual and called me hot, before finally confessing the one time she slept with a woman, it was fun, but she walked away feeling as though something was missing.

I was really offended. She was assuming I'd be interested in her while expressing solidarity with me, yet not actually being sexually attracted to women. I didn't bother to keep in touch.

[Ginger]

These days I find myself reluctant to mention those aspects of myself because I feel it invalidates my femme identity. Does fixing a flat tire in heels make me less of a femme? I'm not sure, but I am certainly insecure about it. It's just another thing that causes some of my hetero friends to be reminded that I am "other" than them.



Scandal, You are the boss of your own identity.

If fixing a flat tire feels outside your identity comfort range, that's one thing.

But if fixing a flat tire makes you feel vulnerable to judgment by others—whether they are LGBT or BF folks policing the boundaries of gender expression, or straight people policing the boundaries of what is "other"—the problem is THEM, not you.

Life is hard enough, when we have our identity as home base.

Not even having that, is a kind of homelessness, like not having a place to regroup, lick our wounds, rest, rejuvenate and get centered, so we go out again to face the world.

[Ginger]

A straight girl really offended me recently, only she had no idea that she did so.

I went to a networking event and took my husband else I would have known nobody. A woman came up to talk to me and we got along quite well as we were both foreigners. It was during a conversation about our travels that I mentioned my ex wife..

Instantly she changed. She became flirtatious, 'admitted' to me she was bisexual and called me hot, before finally confessing the one time she slept with a woman, it was fun, but she walked away feeling as though something was missing.

I was really offended. She was assuming I'd be interested in her while expressing solidarity with me, yet not actually being sexually attracted to women. I didn't bother to keep in touch.


Not to mention, how inappropriate at a networking event! Can you imagine her workplace ethics? Boundaries, people!!!

[Quintease]

Lol, true, except she's an erotic writer :tease:

Which kind of made it worse in my eyes.

[thedivahrrrself]

Scandal, You are the boss of your own identity.

If fixing a flat tire feels outside your identity comfort range, that's one thing.

But if fixing a flat tire makes you feel vulnerable to judgment by others—whether they are LGBT or BF folks policing the boundaries of gender expression, or straight people policing the boundaries of what is "other"—the problem is THEM, not you.

Life is hard enough, when we have our identity as home base.

Not even having that, is a kind of homelessness, like not having a place to regroup, lick our wounds, rest, rejuvenate and get centered, so we go out again to face the world.

I agree. I can change my own tire. I can't do much else with a car, but my dad wasn't about to let me on the road without knowing how to do that. That doesn't mean that if I'm having a flat and a butch is there, I wouldn't rather see hym do it, though, because they look cuter doing it, and tire dirt is hard to get out from under my nails :4femme:

I may be a femme, but I'm not helpless.

[Ginger]

Lol, true, except she's an erotic writer :tease:

Which kind of made it worse in my eyes.


I was thinking about this and realized that the most sexually ethical people I think I've ever met, are those in what many would consider the most kinky or fringe or sex-positive communities.

For example, read the Lesbian Sex Mafia's home page—their setting of ground rules and respectfulness toward play partners or anyone in their community is commendable—and an example I wish more groups would follow.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the straight women who engaged you in sex talk at a public event was doing so without your consent. Not cool! I'd like to drop her into a sex party and take bets on how little time it would take for them to kick her out.

[ValKyrie]

My best friends husband is terrified that I'm going to "steal" her away from him, now that they know I'm gay. I told him, "honey, I don't have the same taste in women as you do." Gah!

[yotlyolqualli]

It's nice to know that this has happened to other people.

When I came out to myself, and subsequently to my family, church and friends, it wasn't like everyone was in the same room and I only had to say it once. There were many phone calls, many times I had to repeat this over and over and over again.

Growing up, one of my best friends, ultimately became my sister-in-law, for about a year, lol. Now, I would often spend the night at her place, or her at mine and we would share the same bed. So, I have her on the phone, I come out to her............................................... ................................. there's this long pause and I know what's coming, so I said.. "no cathy, I've never thought of you in that way." .................................................. ............. another long pause and then, "why not? Don't you think I'm pretty?" I was between a rock and a hard place. No I did not find her pretty. She was not my type and even if she HAD been my type, the whole fucking and marrying my brother, well................. ew. I simply ignored her questions and asked how my niece and nephew were doing.. lol.

Another friend who was married, approached me with a proposition. Seems her husband wanted to "watch her and I" have sex.

Ok, here's the deal and I DID tell her this, "Tracy, I am not into casual sex, I am not interested in married straight women, you are not my type and while some people boldly go where no man has gone before? I will not go where man HAS RECENTLY gone before!" We both laughed and she was cool with it, but I still felt offended that she would even approach me to ask someting like that.

As for the entire femme and what defines a femme?

Even here, the idea that I've done the things I've done, throws some butch women off. I designed and built a deck for my ex. I dug and poured the footers, cut the boards with a circular saw, even leveled off the cement footers with a concrete blade. I fixed the gas line on my sisters van, I replaced car doors, the front door to our house. I chopped wood for many many years before moving into my apartment. I miss the country but I do NOT miss having to build a fire in the mornings!

What bothers me is the whole perception of what a femme can and cannot do. If you're seriously questioning if my tool belt is bigger than yours? Then maybe I am not the femme for you. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty, not someone who worries about her nails, not someone who wears dresses and heels all the time, if ever. But all these things do not make me any less femme than any other femme out there.

[always2late]

I posted earlier in the thread about my experience with one straight female co-worker which was much like the experiences others in the thread have described. I call it the "Now that I know you're gay, I'm going to loudly proclaim my heterosexuality in every conversation...and yet get offended if you don't find me attractive" reaction.

That was just one experience with one woman...however, I have begun to realize that I have become the "resident lesbian" at work. Apparently I am now the spokesperson/fountain of all things gay. I have co-workers ask me the most bizarre questions...concerning lesbians, sex, gay men, etc... Has anyone else experienced this? Random questions that you could not possibly know the answer to, but are apparently SUPPOSED to know just because they concern some aspect of homosexuality? Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against curiosity, or a sincere desire to learn...but seriously, some of the questions are totally off the wall!

[Quintease]

"I am not interested in married straight women, you are not my type"

Oh me too! I am not into straight women of any type! I have only once accidentally tried to chat up a straight woman. They just don't do it for me at. all. Which would make it even more astonishing that they would automatically assume I fancied them.

And I agree, they are disrespectful. The amount of women who have tried to tempt me into bed while telling me I'm just going through a phase/ all girls fancy other girls, it doesn't make me gay/ they're sure I'll find the right man one day/ sleeping with women isn't really sex. Pah!

[Mr Nice Guy]

I don't scare straight women. I attract them. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on my head that says, " all straight women or want to be a Lesbian apply here". This has been my life and I'm not interested in bringing you out.

[morningstar55]

I posted earlier in the thread about my experience with one straight female co-worker which was much like the experiences others in the thread have described. I call it the "Now that I know you're gay, I'm going to loudly proclaim my heterosexuality in every conversation...and yet get offended if you don't find me attractive" reaction.

That was just one experience with one woman...however, I have begun to realize that I have become the "resident lesbian" at work. Apparently I am now the spokesperson/fountain of all things gay. I have co-workers ask me the most bizarre questions...concerning lesbians, sex, gay men, etc... Has anyone else experienced this? Random questions that you could not possibly know the answer to, but are apparently SUPPOSED to know just because they concern some aspect of homosexuality? Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against curiosity, or a sincere desire to learn...but seriously, some of the questions are totally off the wall!

what are some of the bizarre questions??

[always2late]

what are some of the bizarre questions??

Well...the questions that I find most bizarre have to do with other people, or generalizations. For example, I get questions about Lindsey Lohan's sexuality, questions about Chaz being transgender, etc.. And the questions are usually something that NO ONE, except the subject of the question, could answer! But because the topic falls under the LGBT umbrella...they seem to think that I SHOULD have the answer simply because I'm gay.