Lies You've Told

[tapu]

Funny, shocking, embarrassing, evil, "white," whatever. What are some lies you've told?

I'll start it out with a funny one. And though I don't lie much, I have others in all the above categories to admit to if this gets going.

All right, innocuous but nonetheless a lie:

When my kids were in the age range 4-6, we lived in a neighborhood where there must have been 500 ice cream trucks driving around looking for business. Every time we heard one, my little ones would be all, Can we have ice cream? Huh, can we? Hurrrrrrry!!!!! And it's not like they think, Oh gee, we had ice cream yesterday, or even Ha ha, we had ice cream already today.

So I told them that when the ice cream trucks played music, it meant that they were out of ice cream. Then when we'd hear the trucks, I'd say, Oh, darn, all out. Maybe next time.

I can be like that. Can you?

[The_Lady_Snow]

The Tooth Fairy I told my kids he was real...

[Julie]

My kids were unimpressed with me when they really young.
So the peace momma told them my life was really a shield for the fact that I designed the original stealth bomber.
They believed me - Told all their friends.
GOD - I could never trust them with my secrets (lies) again.

[tapu]

The Tooth Fairy I told my kids he was real...


I went along for quite a while letting mine believe that, but then one time I forgot about retrieving the tooth and leaving cash for, like, three nights in a row and so finally I handed her a bill and said, Here's 5 bucks, honey. The truth is I'm the tooth fairy.

Guess that's more a lie I didn't tell....


Thought of another category: Lies you told when you were a child and still squirm over. (Uh, no, I don't have a bunch of those, why'd you ask?)

[deb_U_taunt]

Our kids and nieces believed that the car had a safety feature and if you didn't buckle up or unbuckled the car would die.

[Chancie]

Our kids and nieces believed that the car had a safety feature and if you didn't buckle up or unbuckled the car would die.

I told my mother that the car wouldn't start if she didn't buckle her seat belt.

[Peach]

When I was in high school, I had taken a year out, and was doing home schooling. I had to go up to the school to meet a friend for lunch, she was in the gym class and I was waiting there for her. The teacher asked if I wanted to participate, I said no, she pushed it and I told her I had been in a car accident, and had two plates in each leg, and couldnt. She let it go. I went back the next year, and in the spring, I was wearing shorts, and she saw me, and noticed I had no scars on my legs. I had to make up almost a years worth of PE classes in a month!

[Chancie]

Well, this may be typical teenage mishegoss.

I was the live in house manager in a community residence for adults with developmental disabilities.

I did learn a lot, and it fell into the category of 'an honorable job that I enjoy' but

My father was worried about me, and

He was worried that I would never go back to college, so

I told him that I was taking classes at Brooklyn College during the day, since

I worked a split shift.

That was a big fat lie, and eventually

I went back to college, and to grad school, and then

I went back to college again, and then to grad school again.

[The_Lady_Snow]

My parents till this day don't know how many concerts I've gone to when I was "spending the night at Raquel Padilla's house".:|

Sometimes I get uncomfy when they say they wished they would of not been so strict:|

[moxie]

When I was in kindergarten, I had a weird freckling on my arm that everyone would ask about and I told everyone that I had been bitten by a raccoon.

[tapu]

Our kids and nieces believed that the car had a safety feature and if you didn't buckle up or unbuckled the car would die.

Ha ha! I should have told that one. Then I could have threatened them less.

Now, did they think the car would die, as in not run? Or did they think the car would die?

[tapu]

I told my mother that the car wouldn't start if she didn't buckle her seat belt.

Well. That's... quite the turn-about. Either Mom would believe anything or I'm just coming up on a generational difference.

>;-)

[tapu]

When I was in high school, I had taken a year out, and was doing home schooling. I had to go up to the school to meet a friend for lunch, she was in the gym class and I was waiting there for her. The teacher asked if I wanted to participate, I said no, she pushed it and I told her I had been in a car accident, and had two plates in each leg, and couldnt. She let it go. I went back the next year, and in the spring, I was wearing shorts, and she saw me, and noticed I had no scars on my legs. I had to make up almost a years worth of PE classes in a month!

Oh, baby, you're not supposed to get caught!

I told lies like that in high school all the time, too, and invariably it would be so outrageous that I'd get caught in it. I once told my teacher I was going to Europe, when really I was just going to Cleveland. She asked me all these detailed questions about the trip and I had to 'fess up.

[princessbelle]

When i was in high school my curfew was 11. Way too early.

So, one night my best friend Sandy told her mom she was spending the night with me, as i told my parents i was staying with Sandy.

We just haddddddddd to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show like all the other kids.

It started at midnight. Which was great, had a blast. Problem was after the show was over then what. It was winter, we didn't exactly plan past the "event".

We ended up spending the night in the parking lot and waking up turning the car on every once in awhile to heat it. Finally about 4 am we went to Krystal and heated up in the bathroom where they had those heat hand dryers. We were misreable and cold and no blankets, no pillows and no nothing.

Lack of planning. Not a good thing.

Oh and as far as what i told my kids? Gosh. I remember one thing for sure. If they cried it would thunder. To this day they both hate storms. Ooops.

[tapu]

Well, this may be typical teenage mishegoss.
I was the live in house manager in a community residence for adults with developmental disabilities.
I did learn a lot, and it fell into the category of 'an honorable job that I enjoy' but
My father was worried about me, and
He was worried that I would never go back to college, so
I told him that I was taking classes at Brooklyn College during the day, since
I worked a split shift.
That was a big fat lie, and eventually
I went back to college, and to grad school, and then
I went back to college again, and then to grad school again.


Has he caught on yet? :)

[tapu]

My parents till this day don't know how many concerts I've gone to when I was "spending the night at Raquel Padilla's house".:|

Sometimes I get uncomfy when they say they wished they would of not been so strict:|

You can tell them, "Good news: no harm done!"

Er, there was a real Raquel Padilla, yes?

[tapu]

When I was in kindergarten, I had a weird freckling on my arm that everyone would ask about and I told everyone that I had been bitten by a raccoon.

O-Kay. My personal interpretation of that is that you were kind of whacked as a kid. But hey! That's not a bad thing! The whacked among us are also the most interesting among us.

I had a birthmark on my chest when I was little and in a pool or whatever people sometimes thought my nipple was sticking out. So when I got old enough not to be mortified, if someone asked me about the birthmark, I would say it was an extra tit.

[The_Lady_Snow]

You can tell them, "Good news: no harm done!"

Er, there was a real Raquel Padilla, yes?


oh yes, she was my cover for all things music:sunglass:

[tapu]

When i was in high school my curfew was 11. Way too early.

So, one night my best friend Sandy told her mom she was spending the night with me, as i told my parents i was staying with Sandy.

We just haddddddddd to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show like all the other kids.

It started at midnight. Which was great, had a blast. Problem was after the show was over then what. It was winter, we didn't exactly plan past the "event".

We ended up spending the night in the parking lot and waking up turning the car on every once in awhile to heat it. Finally about 4 am we went to Krystal and heated up in the bathroom where they had those heat hand dryers. We were misreable and cold and no blankets, no pillows and no nothing.

Lack of planning. Not a good thing.

Oh and as far as what i told my kids? Gosh. I remember one thing for sure. If they cried it would thunder. To this day they both hate storms. Ooops.

I laughed all the way through that. Kids never do plan even a second beyond their fondest desire.

I think "If you cry, it will thunder" rivals my "Uh-oh, no ice cream!" in terms of wicked mama stuff.

[*Anya*]

:bunchflowers:I did not lie much as a kid because I am a terrible lier & always got caught. My parents were extremely strict-dad a Marine Drill Instructor (u get the picture). I rarely was allowed out. Finally, one night they let me go "study" with my best friend and spend the night @ her house. We went to a party with a bunch of older kids (bad judgment but that's what happens when one is allowed zero freedom). It was @ a hotel. It got raided by the Police-too much noise-I was underage & they hauled me to the station. They wanted to call my parents. I was much more afraid of my parents then the police so I told them I was married & my husband was in Vietnam. I lied all night because I thought my parents would be even more upset to be awakened at 3:00AM, than in the morning. Finally, @ 8:00AM I 'fessed up. Parents freaked & yep, another 6-weeks of restriction! I lived my teen years on episodes of 6-weeks on restriction ranging from big things like the police to getting a "C" instead of an A in a subject.

[Medusa]

My little sister got into a bad habit of flipping the bird when she was 3 years old. (It wasnt me! I had brothers!!)

Well, imagine all of our horror when she flipped the bird to our youth minister at church one Sunday!

My step-mom was in the hospital at the time with a severe issue and had already been gone for about a month and was scheduled to be gone for another few weeks so my step-sister and I devised a plan to get baby sis to stop flipping the bird before the step-mom got home from the hospital.

Step-sister and I would "play fight" with one another and instead of flipping each other the bird, we would put our index finger and thumb together in an "ok" sign and then hiss and "Ooooooooh" at one another as if it was the WORST thing that could ever happen in the history of humankind!

Eventually, baby sis caught on that the "ok" sign was so much worse than flipping the bird that she started making the "ok" sign instead of the bird whenever she was mad. So basically she thought she was doing something really bad and commenced giving the "ok" sign to anyone who would look. This went on for a few years and people would often look at her like she was nuts but at least there were no explanations required about why a 3-year-old was flipping the bird. :)

Don't know if that counts as a lie but it sure worked ;)

[tapu]

:bunchflowers:I did not lie much as a kid because I am a terrible lier & always got caught. My parents were extremely strict-dad a Marine Drill Instructor (u get the picture). I rarely was allowed out. Finally, one night they let me go "study" with my best friend and spend the night @ her house. We went to a party with a bunch of older kids (bad judgment but that's what happens when one is allowed zero freedom). It was @ a hotel. It got raided by the Police-too much noise-I was underage & they hauled me to the station. They wanted to call my parents. I was much more afraid of my parents then the police so I told them I was married & my husband was in Vietnam. I lied all night because I thought my parents would be even more upset to be awakened at 3:00AM, than in the morning. Finally, @ 8:00AM I 'fessed up. Parents freaked & yep, another 6-weeks of restriction! I lived my teen years on episodes of 6-weeks on restriction ranging from big things like the police to getting a "C" instead of an A in a subject.



This was going along in the pretty standard teenage way until... you told them you were married and your husband was in Vietnam???

You may not lie much, but you make up for it in audacity!

[tapu]

My little sister got into a bad habit of flipping the bird when she was 3 years old. (It wasnt me! I had brothers!!)

Well, imagine all of our horror when she flipped the bird to our youth minister at church one Sunday!

My step-mom was in the hospital at the time with a severe issue and had already been gone for about a month and was scheduled to be gone for another few weeks so my step-sister and I devised a plan to get baby sis to stop flipping the bird before the step-mom got home from the hospital.

Step-sister and I would "play fight" with one another and instead of flipping each other the bird, we would put our index finger and thumb together in an "ok" sign and then hiss and "Ooooooooh" at one another as if it was the WORST thing that could ever happen in the history of humankind!

Eventually, baby sis caught on that the "ok" sign was so much worse than flipping the bird that she started making the "ok" sign instead of the bird whenever she was mad. So basically she thought she was doing something really bad and commenced giving the "ok" sign to anyone who would look. This went on for a few years and people would often look at her like she was nuts but at least there were no explanations required about why a 3-year-old was flipping the bird. :)

Don't know if that counts as a lie but it sure worked ;)


Oh, it counts. Have you told her about it? I assume she doesn't remember.... On the other hand, she's not out there still "flipping the OK" at other drivers, right?

[Chancie]

Has he caught on yet? :)

That was 30 years ago.

Until he died about five years ago, he had bigger fish to fry, like why his older daughter's female partner had a firmer handshake than he did, and why my sister wasn't married to the man with whom she lived. <-- :| joke

[tonaderspeisung]

When I was in kindergarten, I had a weird freckling on my arm that everyone would ask about and I told everyone that I had been bitten by a raccoon.

i have a little chunk nicked out of the back of my head - i've told my nieces and nephews that when i was their age i did not keep my room clean and as a result rats nibbled on my head while i slept - maybe i'll try raccoon with the new wee one

[TickledPink]

In high school, my friend got a new (to her) Camaro with a scoop on the hood. We ditched school one day and took the car out for a spin. We ended up at the lake and I decided to ride on the hood of her car.

She had just waxed it. We were tooling along down a gravel road to the lake when she and my other friend decided it would be funny to scare me and hit the gas a bit. Welllllllllllll...........Instead of hitting the gas she accidentally hit the brakes instead and I went sailing off the car onto the gravel road.

I landed knee first and crushed my kneecap.

Fast forward to the emergency room when my mother came in and we told her I did it playing volleyball in PE. She believed it until the day she died! :sunglass:

[Andrea]

Let me see.... I told a few exes it was me when I was really breaking up because of them....

I told my mother someone hit her car in the grocery store parking lot so my little brother didn't get yelled at, forever, over a small scrap from a wall.

I have told many people yes, that looks good or fine on you.

I lied once to a waterbed salesman so I could get a new heater for free. Not a good excuse but I was a poor single mother at the time and the bed was really cold without a working heater.

Andrea

[The_Lady_Snow]

I told the Mormons knocking on my door I worshiped Beelzebub and hissed so they would leave me alone....

:blink:

[tapu]

I told the Mormons knocking on my door I worshiped Beelzebub and hissed so they would leave me alone....

:blink:



Okay, but did you tell them any lies? <<JUST kidding, heh. Heh.>>

[LaneyDoll]

Our kids and nieces believed that the car had a safety feature and if you didn't buckle up or unbuckled the car would die.

Too funny!!! I told mine the car wouldn't run if they weren't in their belts/car seats.

I told them a red light would come on over their heads if they were lying and that only grown ups could see the light.

I also told them I had magic powers and was a fairy before I decided to be a human and have kids (but that I kept some powers).

Now, for lies to strangers? When travelling, I would tell people that I was originally born in and grew up just outside of London and I did not have an accent b/c my parents moved back home to the States when I was 8 years old.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I've lied and said I was American just so I would not have to hear all kinds of ignorant questions about how I came to be here...

[nycfem]

Oh, the lies, where to start?

In my younger days, when my mom first saw the tattoo on my upper arm of a battle ax and gasped, I yelled out, "It's a temporary tattoo! It comes off!" It gave her some adjustment time, so that after a few months went by, she looked at it and said with a smirk, "That temporary tattoo sure is staying around for quite awhile."

In high school, my gay brother and I, along with a few misfit friends, set out to vandalize a giant pro-life billboard in Ohio. We all dressed in black (so smart of us) and set off with a big plastic gun filled with paint. The problem was that when we got to the actual billboard we realized it was reallllyyyy high up, something we hadn't quite picked up on while driving by it. We ended up having to settle for the one athletic member of our group throwing the gun up at the billboard and were more than lucky that a small speckle of black paint showed up on the white background. On our way home, we were stopped by a policeman, who asked us what we were up to. Since most of us had dabs of black paint on us from trying to deal with the gun, I said, "We were working on the set for our school play." At 4am. On the highway. The officer didn't even bother to respond to that and simply asked for our names so that if he heard about any misdeeds in the morning, he'd know who to approach. That was when some of us should have lied but we didn't. Luckily nothing terrible seemed to have occurred, so we were off the hook, and ever so proud when we drove by that billboard and saw the barely noticeable dot of black paint.

I lied by omission when a butch friend talked to me over the phone about how his most recent ex was "dark sided" because she didn't believe in God and how he wanted to meet a nice girl like me. I should have spoken up but I didn't so quickly want to have to defend myself as to being nice and dark-sided. Heh, heh.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I once told a drunk woman I was a Lesbian polygamist and had 2 sister wives...I convinced her that she should join. :)

[tapu]

I once told a drunk woman I was a Lesbian polygamist and had 2 sister wives...I convinced her that she should join. :)

and i thought i had good lines....

[pajama]

I refuse to disclose on the grounds that it will incriminate me both here and at large. ;)

Plus they really were of the bland, lie to your parents to see your boyfriend type. Or the extensive sets of lies to get into clubs or buy booze.

I love reading this thread thou. Keep them coming. :D

A

[Ciaran]

Back in the early 1990s, I had started to date a really nice girl and we'd decided to go to the cinema. It was her choice of film and she decided on going to see Naked Gun 33 1/3.

I knew nothing about it (or most other Hollywood films for that matter) but, trying to be uber-cool, I pretended otherwise. On the evening we met up, she asked me what I thought of Leslie Nielsen. Every Lesley I'd know in real life had been female so I instantly replied that she was a great actress and that I was a massive fan of hers ..... :blues:

The date went downhill from there and taught me that, if I'm going to tell a bare-faced lie, make sure I know what I'm talking about !!!

[CherylNYC]

My most persistent lie:

"I'm sorry, have no idea how fast I was going, Officer. I was just keeping up with traffic."

[tonaderspeisung]

i told my coworkers i was busy all holiday weekend with my other job and true passion in life - impersonating neil diamond.
i also told them i'm in especially high demand on the fourth due to my show stopping rendition of america.

the worst part is - i almost got away with it