Asking the Femme's for help!?!

[Blaze]

Okay this is my dilema...
Doll asked me to buy her 2 night wears <~ I know, so old fashioned is my termanology, give me a break lol.
First of all, I have no clue on how to buy a warm pajama, let alone a lingerie.
She told me to feel her body and then go out and buy what I feel is right as we were dancing.
I don't want to be seen in the shops trying to fondle a night gown.
I don't want to get a size to big, or she will feel insulted.
I don't want to get a size to small, then she may think that I think she needs to go on a diet, which she doesn't so there we have it.
How do I purchase these items without insult and more so for me injury??
And she said she will not go to the store with me, that I have to surprise her. Will the surprise be on me?
So I am asking for advice from my sisters out there PLEASE...

[Diva]

Okay this is my dilema...
Doll asked me to buy her 2 night wears <~ I know, so old fashioned is my termanology, give me a break lol.
First of all, I have no clue on how to buy a warm pajama, let alone a lingerie.
She told me to feel her body and then go out and buy what I feel is right as we were dancing.
I don't want to be seen in the shops trying to fondle a night gown.
I don't want to get a size to big, or she will feel insulted.
I don't want to get a size to small, then she may think that I think she needs to go on a diet, which she doesn't so there we have it.
How do I purchase these items without insult and more so for me injury??
And she said she will not go to the store with me, that I have to surprise her. Will the surprise be on me?
So I am asking for advice from my sisters out there PLEASE...


Ok......first.....go look at some of the things she has already....on the label at the neckline (sometimes the label is on the side seam) it will say what size it is.

My guess is she's a Medium. Sometimes, sizes are by S~M~Lg, etc. Sometimes, they are by numbers: 6~8~10~12, etc.

Again...I didn't check her out when You guys were here, thinking: "I think she's a size 10." hee hee

But from what I remember...maybe a 10 and a size medium.....but go check her clothing and/or other pieces of lingerie.

What's her favorite color? Buy it.

I would say Victoria's Secret, but Macy's also has some lovely lingerie. Good luck!

Oh....don't buy flannel or fleece....

[Blaze]

Thank you Diva,
Hmm, check the size label.. But she seems to buy really tight clothing, at least to me there tight. Hope she doesn't read this :kungfu:
I will take all of your information and :deepthoughts: into this...
:bigcry: but I like flannel!!! I think I will shop for myself

[Bit]

I don't want to be seen in the shops trying to fondle a night gown.


:superfunny:That is too funny!!

Okay... here's what you do. If you cannot ask her what size she wears--really, that's the best option, but sometimes you can't--check her closet and drawers, and see what size most of her clothes are. Then, pay attention to what she wears that you like the best, and check the sizes on those items--write the size down so you don't make any mistakes, k?

Now think about WHY you like it the best. Does it fit her loosely? Does it hug her curves? Next time she wears it, DO fondle her... see if you can tell what she's wearing under it. If she's wearing a corset or shaper of any kind, DO NOT buy that size in lingerie, k? Buy the size of most of her clothes, in that case. But if she's only wearing a bra--or nothing--under it, then you're good on the size.

Remember there is a difference between sexy slinky lingerie for going to bed in and warm pj's for actually sleeping in. She might prefer pj's to be a little looser.

Go back to thinking about your fav outfit for her, not just the way it fits, but the color and the style of it. It is plain? Does it have ruffles or lace? Is it a print, or a solid color? Is it a true clear jewel tone? A pastel? A warm autumn color? Look at all the clothes she looks best in, so you can get some sense of the colors that go best with her skintones. If in doubt, avoid buying red, orange, lime green or lemon yellow--only buy one of those colors if you're certain you can tell the right shades, k?

NOW go shopping.... go to her favorite store, and have fun. Bring a color pic of her with you, and ask a salesclerk for help with colors and styles if you need to.

Good luck!! Let us know how it goes!

[Bit]

Oh....don't buy flannel or fleece....

LOL! Diva, I completely forgot to say that!!

Blaze--silk or satin, possibly velvet if it gets cool enough there.

[fever]

My friend, you can look at our catalogue, print the page you like, and take it with you to a store nearby. OR, you can pick out something you like, and I will mail it to you. Also, I think Doll is a medium, but I didn't check out how big her bust was.

We are coming out with a new catalogue soon, as well.

Just a suggestion, glad to help. Maybe I should be helping all the butches who want to surprise their gal. :hangloose:

[Diva]

Thank you Diva,
Hmm, check the size label.. But she seems to buy really tight clothing, at least to me there tight. Hope she doesn't read this :kungfu:
I will take all of your information and :deepthoughts: into this...
:bigcry: but I like flannel!!! I think I will shop for myself


If she likes flannel, that's one thing.....

But for CHRISTMAS?

I'm just sayin' right now, that, if You buy that girl flannel for Christmas, I will personally kick Your butt to China. ;) You're gonna put FLANNEL on that gorgeous girl??????

Sweet Baby Jeebus. :D

[Blaze]

LOL! Diva, I completely forgot to say that!!

Blaze--silk or satin, possibly velvet if it gets cool enough there.

Thank you so very much Bit. Wow, between You and Diva's information, I am starting to feel alot more confident in my shopping demur. And to think. I would go into fishing stores and tool stores with not a doubt...
Doll usually want's perfume, and this I can handle because she leaves so many hints with open magazines circled with red ink for me to catch onto.
I am thinking that I can soon open my own manual on how to buy lingurie so we can help my butch brothers out there. This is awesome. Now, I will have to print all this valuable information and take it with me so that I can shop with out fear. Again, I thank you Ladies' for helping me...

[Blaze]

If she likes flannel, that's one thing.....

But for CHRISTMAS?

I'm just sayin' right now, that, if You buy that girl flannel for Christmas, I will personally kick Your butt to China. ;) You're gonna put FLANNEL on that gorgeous girl??????

Sweet Baby Jeebus. :D

I may have some Chinese in me, so I can deal with the free kick to China, lmao...
Qoute: I said I like flannel, I should shop for me. Geeeez Diva, I look good in flannel lmao, She would look like a woodchuck. I promise not to buy flannel,
~grinz~ 100% cotton!!! That's the ticket ~runzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~

[Gemme]

I dunno, ladies.....I saw a REALLY cute fleece sleeping corset a while back. Now, if only I could remember WHERE I saw it....:deepthoughts:

[Bit]

Cotton, my Aunt Fanny! :giggle:

Okay Blaze, let us know how it goes. :nixon:

[Blaze]

My friend, you can look at our catalogue, print the page you like, and take it with you to a store nearby. OR, you can pick out something you like, and I will mail it to you. Also, I think Doll is a medium, but I didn't check out how big her bust was.

We are coming out with a new catalogue soon, as well.

Just a suggestion, glad to help. Maybe I should be helping all the butches who want to surprise their gal. :hangloose:

Owww catalogue... Do you have fishing and camping ones too????:hangloose:
Than you Fever for giving yet another option to my shopping spree

[Blaze]

I dunno, ladies.....I saw a REALLY cute fleece sleeping corset a while back. Now, if only I could remember WHERE I saw it....:deepthoughts:

:thud: They have fleece corsets too?
Do please remembere where you saw it.

[blush]

I may be alone in this, but I don't like Vickie's Secret.

You might try figleaves.com. They have a huge range of stuff.

[Blaze]

I may be alone in this, but I don't like Vickie's Secret.

You might try figleaves.com. They have a huge range of stuff.

Come to think of it I don't think Doll likes Secrets either, I think it was Freddrick of Hollywood that she like, but I don't remember seeing any around here. Ok, I will check out figleaves,com. Many thanks Blush...

[FeminineAllure]

I would get her a really cute and comfortable, sexy pair of fleece or flannel PJs with matching slippers. Like >>>http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSSLPSETZZZ&cgnbr=OSSLPSETZZZ&rfnbr=5241

I own these slippers in black and love them!>>>http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EG-246592

Now for sexy>>>http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSSLPLGEZZZ&cgnbr=OSSLPLGEZZZ&rfnbr=5366

Use these coupon codes when ordering and save...
20% off a single item if you order before this wednesday code is ITEM20

Link to Fredricks of Hollywood>>>http://www.fredericks.com/Alt_Homepage_SX_FR95_Home/Alt_Homepage_SX_FR95_Home,default,pg.html?gclid=CJ idr-XTn54CFZho5QodpVcFsA&008=&004=1453163388&005=19537900&006=4338117798&007=Search&002=2116353&

Good luck Blaze!

[Gemme]

Come to think of it I don't think Doll likes Secrets either, I think it was Freddrick of Hollywood that she like, but I don't remember seeing any around here. Ok, I will check out figleaves,com. Many thanks Blush...

I'm more of a Freddy's girl than a Vicky's girl, too. I'm sure you'll come up with something great!

[Blaze]

I would get her a really cute and comfortable, sexy pair of fleece or flannel PJs with matching slippers. Like >>>http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSSLPSETZZZ&cgnbr=OSSLPSETZZZ&rfnbr=5241

I own these slippers in black and love them!>>>http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EG-246592

Now for sexy>>>http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSSLPLGEZZZ&cgnbr=OSSLPLGEZZZ&rfnbr=5366

Use these coupon codes when ordering and save...
20% off a single item if you order before this wednesday code is ITEM20

Link to Fredricks of Hollywood>>>http://www.fredericks.com/Alt_Homepage_SX_FR95_Home/Alt_Homepage_SX_FR95_Home,default,pg.html?gclid=CJ idr-XTn54CFZho5QodpVcFsA&008=&004=1453163388&005=19537900&006=4338117798&007=Search&002=2116353&

Good luck Blaze!

Wow, so many choices, I am really getting the hang of this shopping now. Thank you very much FeminineAlure, seeing is much easier than trusting my instincts on what is out there, I deeply appreciate you taking the time to post the links for me! Your awesome.

[Vlasta]

hi .... I see you got a plenty suggestions already I just would like to add I shop both places VS and FOH ..... VS has much better quality of everything .

FOH stuff look nice on the website , but in reality it's cheap . I even purchased clothing from them and there it's no way I would go in public looking like that . I give it away all what I ordered . I have some nighties , but that's it .

There it's a website www.fatwallet.com .... it has it's own thread for VS updated with promo codes all the time such as free shipping , etc .

good luck and happy shopping :)

[Legendryder]

hi .... I see you got a plenty suggestions already I just would like to add I shop both places VS and FOH ..... VS has much better quality of everything .

FOH stuff look nice on the website , but in reality it's cheap . I even purchased clothing from them and there it's no way I would go in public looking like that . I give it away all what I ordered . I have some nighties , but that's it .

There it's a website www.fatwallet.com .... it has it's own thread for VS updated with promo codes all the time such as free shipping , etc .

good luck and happy shopping :)

No, I am not thread stalking you V. roflmao

[Mister Bent]

I'm totally inspired now to get e some night wears for her upcoming birthday!

[evolveme]

I'm totally inspired now to get e some night wears for her upcoming birthday!

Oh, yes! Please!

http://menspajamabottoms.com/images/RedFleeceAdultFootedDropSeat2.jpg

[Andrew, Jr.]

A certain gal :drool::deepthoughts::tease::daddy::tongue: just thinking outloud

[Vlasta]

No, I am not thread stalking you V. roflmao

no not you ;).... I stalk you too when I worry if you are feeling good and as far I remember you used to like my nighties , but then again you were snoring too much :tongue:

sorry for derail y"all , ya know these ex's .... but at least we are good friends :) and not spiting fire here .

[Legendryder]

no not you ;).... I stalk you too when I worry if you are feeling good and as far I remember you used to like my nighties , but then again you were snoring too much :tongue:

sorry for derail y"all , ya know these ex's .... but at least we are good friends :) and not spiting fire here .

I did, very much so. And sorry about the snoring thing. rofl I wake myself up sometimes.

[Vlasta]

I did, very much so. And sorry about the snoring thing. rofl I wake myself up sometimes.

lmao ... I know , but I used to that so I was fine with it ... and stop stalking me before moderator comes in this thread and tell us off ...... you are derailer ;) not me I am a good girl ...lol

[Mister Bent]

Oh, yes! Please!

http://menspajamabottoms.com/images/RedFleeceAdultFootedDropSeat2.jpg

Really?

Cuz I was kind of thinking...

http://img.diytrade.com/cdimg/695069/7688215/0/1229691922/Snuggie_Fleece_Throw_China_as_seen_on_TV.jpg

[Legendryder]

lmao ... I know , but I used to that so I was fine with it ... and stop stalking me before moderator comes in this thread and tell us off ...... you are derailer ;) not me I am a good girl ...lol

Suuuurrrrreeeee you are. :superfunny:

[Blaze]

Hmmm, I think I like it in Blue, would go good with my tent, and perhaps some serenity prayers... Yes definately the Blue, wonder if it comes in Camo?

[NotAnAverageGuy]

For the ladies, I could use some ideas, advice, etc....

When a certain femme comes to visit me from out of town, what is the best way for my house to be cleaned, I do it myself or hire someone to clean it from top to bottom?

Should I buy certain candles she likes? Certain foods?

[Diva]

For the ladies, I could use some ideas, advice, etc....

When a certain femme comes to visit me from out of town, what is the best way for my house to be cleaned, I do it myself or hire someone to clean it from top to bottom?

Should I buy certain candles she likes? Certain foods?


If You're a clean freak, do it Yourself. If not, hire out. Make sure the bathroom is clean ~ no hair in the sink, plenty of TP, a clean handtowel, maybe even a little basket (if there's room on the counter) with special soap, lotion, travel sized shampoo, etc. It's a nice touch.

Clean linens on the bed, of course.

It would be a very nice gesture to find out her likes and dislikes as far as her preferences ~ drink (alcholic and non- ) of choice, snack preferences, food likes and dislikes, allergy issues. Does she like Peppermint Patties? Favorite candy? Favorite cheese and crackers? Does she like apples as opposed to pears?

It might seem like some work at first, but to her, You will be thoughtful.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

If You're a clean freak, do it Yourself. If not, hire out. Make sure the bathroom is clean ~ no hair in the sink, plenty of TP, a clean handtowel, maybe even a little basket (if there's room on the counter) with special soap, lotion, travel sized shampoo, etc. It's a nice touch.

Clean linens on the bed, of course.

It would be a very nice gesture to find out her likes and dislikes as far as her preferences ~ drink (alcholic and non- ) of choice, snack preferences, food likes and dislikes, allergy issues. Does she like Peppermint Patties? Favorite candy? Favorite cheese and crackers? Does she like apples as opposed to pears?

It might seem like some work at first, but to her, You will be thoughtful.


Ohhhhh awesome Miss Diva thank you for answering with honesty:rrose:

LOL@ clean bed linens, that is a must for sure :nerd:

[Hudson]

I like the 'night wears' (and day wears) from
Agent Provocateur (http://www.agentprovocateur.com/), LaPerla (http://www.laperla.com/en-us/) and La Senza (http://www.lasenza.co.uk/)

[Laidbackgrly]

make her buy it!

[Jedi]

OK....I'm not sure how to even explain this whole thing but here goes.......Femmes I need answers as to why other femmes act the way they do. And I just wasn't happy being disrespected. OK here goes the story......there was this femme that I have known for many years but just online and there was never anything between us except friendship as far as I knew. Well when we met I was single. But that isn't the case anymore. She insisted on calling me Hun and Babe even when I requested she stop. I was told that was how she talked. This femme is very high maintenance and expects to be catered to. Now I agreed to do some work for her which she kinda took as a free line to me whenever she wanted. Now I'm not much for talking on the phone. and this femme would insist it was business and we just HAD to talk etc. It really just ended up being over an hour of my time wasted on nothing. And she was impossible to get off the phone once she was on.

Now all this behavior was sending me the signals that she was trying to stake some claim to me that she has no right to. Am I wrong in that?
I mean she was very into talking all the time and taking up my time and I spent a good amount of time doing work for her. I have seen NO payment for any of it.

Now this fall we met in person and spent a day. She met my gf and everything. She was high maintenance all day which really wears me thin. Then she stopped at Walmart and I opted to wait in the car. When she finished shopping like 45 min to an hour later she threw a fit that she was disabled and legally blind (meanwhile she's driving all over in a rental car)etc. But I needed the break and wasn't going to apologize for it. Another red flag to me. I ain't your butch! Since I haven't been paid at all, I started setting boundaries with her as to how I would communicate with her. This ended our working relationship. Now I'm still owed total payment which I'm not holding my breath for.

Tell me.....did I miss read this whole situation? I think I was just too nice for to long.

[~ocean]

OK....I'm not sure how to even explain this whole thing but here goes.......Femmes I need answers as to why other femmes act the way they do. And I just wasn't happy being disrespected. OK here goes the story......there was this femme that I have known for many years but just online and there was never anything between us except friendship as far as I knew. Well when we met I was single. But that isn't the case anymore. She insisted on calling me Hun and Babe even when I requested she stop. I was told that was how she talked. This femme is very high maintenance and expects to be catered to. Now I agreed to do some work for her which she kinda took as a free line to me whenever she wanted. Now I'm not much for talking on the phone. and this femme would insist it was business and we just HAD to talk etc. It really just ended up being over an hour of my time wasted on nothing. And she was impossible to get off the phone once she was on.

Now all this behavior was sending me the signals that she was trying to stake some claim to me that she has no right to. Am I wrong in that?
I mean she was very into talking all the time and taking up my time and I spent a good amount of time doing work for her. I have seen NO payment for any of it.

Now this fall we met in person and spent a day. She met my gf and everything. She was high maintenance all day which really wears me thin. Then she stopped at Walmart and I opted to wait in the car. When she finished shopping like 45 min to an hour later she threw a fit that she was disabled and legally blind (meanwhile she's driving all over in a rental car)etc. But I needed the break and wasn't going to apologize for it. Another red flag to me. I ain't your butch! Since I haven't been paid at all, I started setting boundaries with her as to how I would communicate with her. This ended our working relationship. Now I'm still owed total payment which I'm not holding my breath for.

Tell me.....did I miss read this whole situation? I think I was just too nice for to long.


she's crushing on you ~ that's why she got nasty ~ "run forest runnnn " don't look back !! lol gl jedi

[CherylNYC]

OK....

Tell me.....did I miss read this whole situation? I think I was just too nice for to long.

You were far too nice for far too long. And she's a jerk, and possibly a narcissist. This isn't femme-specific behavior, either. Of course it's entirely possible that she had romantic expectations of you, but even if that was the case, she expressed it like a really big jerk!

[PlatinumPearl]

What kind of work did you do for her? Are you able to retract the work or revoke her rights to access the content until she provides payment?

[C0LLETTE]

Jedi: "And she was impossible to get off the phone once she was on."
What happened to "click...hang up" once the hairs on the back of your neck stood up?
And what was it you wanted, given you already "were not single anymore". To me it seems you hung in there far too long for all of this to be blamed on her.
Maybe you should take this as a learning moment about your own behaviour and then move on.

[Jedi]

Jedi: "And she was impossible to get off the phone once she was on."
What happened to "click...hang up" once the hairs on the back of your neck stood up?
And what was it you wanted, given you already "were not single anymore". To me it seems you hung in there far too long for all of this to be blamed on her.
Maybe you should take this as a learning moment about your own behaviour and then move on.

I did say I was too nice for too long. But I did finally set the boundaries I needed to and she got mad.

[Jedi]

What kind of work did you do for her? Are you able to retract the work or revoke her rights to access the content until she provides payment?

I do have everything and will not be letting her have any of it. I was making a website. I am going to delete it and not transfer it.

[C0LLETTE]

I did say I was too nice for too long. But I did finally set the boundaries I needed to and she got mad.

In that case, what kind of answer/help are you asking for? How would any Femmes here be able to give you advice beyond what you already know?

You want advice on how to prevent her from being "mad" at you?
OK, let her walk all over you, she won't be mad at you anymore.

[Jedi]

I was asking if she had ulterior motives. I have been told that some femmes are that way. That they have to stake their claim on a butch. I'm not available for any femme to do that but my gf. She is the only one who has a right to stake any sort of claim.

[C0LLETTE]

I was asking if she had ulterior motives. I have been told that some femmes are that way. That they have to stake their claim on a butch. I'm not available for any femme to do that but my gf. She is the only one who has a right to stake any sort of claim.

Basically claiming a stake involves driving a "capped steel posts, which must be four feet tall" likely through your forehead so it can be seen by all.
I doubt that this is a practice reserved for Femmes.
Don't you think that relationships are healthier when people actually want to be together and both of you project a relationship that isn't up for grabs without that big thing sticking out of both your foreheads.

You know, it's really not that hard to do if you actually believe in your relationship and don't "flirt" with risk that you KNOW might be trouble.

[randomnotes]

I was asking if she had ulterior motives. I have been told that some femmes are that way. That they have to stake their claim on a butch. I'm not available for any femme to do that but my gf. She is the only one who has a right to stake any sort of claim.


This may sound weird but was she southern? It's fairly normal here in the South to say ”babe” and ”hon” ”sweetheart,” etc. To strangers even. I hate it. Intend to call everyone ”sistergirl” or ”brother” in place of that. Since I'm from Texas we also interchangeably say ”friend.” whenever someone calls me ”hon” or ”sweetheart” especially a man I have to refrain from going off. I tend to let it slide but look visibly uncomfortable. If it continues I will usually crack a joke ”I’m no sweetheart I'm full of piss and vinegar” etc. But sometimes (especially with those significantly older than me) it doesn't work.

Now my amazingly handsome butch wife, she has a number of female friends that call her bae, babe, wifey, or sweetie. And I do not care for it. Not one little bit. Especially when she refers to them in the same way (which I find really weird because she literally never refers to me as any of those names preferring my actual name or occasionally babe). But we've been together seven years now and I've learned to let it go and just roll my eyes. I know who's bed she's going to be in at night. And I really don't think her friends (pretty much all heterosexual) mean anything by it. It's just weird. So I probably wouldn't overthink the hun part.

Now the Walmart part is ridiculous, in poor form and just plain rude.

[JDeere]

I was asking if she had ulterior motives. I have been told that some femmes are that way. That they have to stake their claim on a butch. I'm not available for any femme to do that but my gf. She is the only one who has a right to stake any sort of claim.

She probably does.

The way she acts looks like it to me. Not getting ur hints etc and especially not respecting ur relationship.

Id say cut ur losses, delete the website and block her from ur life.

[C0LLETTE]

For once, in a long time, I think JDeere makes total, absolute sense.

..hiya JD!

[PlatinumPearl]

I do have everything and will not be letting her have any of it. I was making a website. I am going to delete it and not transfer it.

Don't delete it sell it. People are always buying websites.

[C0LLETTE]

If the website has shitty memories, don't stand around trying to sell it like a fishwife. Unless you think you own gold, cut bait and move on...how much is that worm worth anyway?

[Apocalipstic]

OK....I'm not sure how to even explain this whole thing but here goes.......Femmes I need answers as to why other femmes act the way they do. And I just wasn't happy being disrespected. OK here goes the story......there was this femme that I have known for many years but just online and there was never anything between us except friendship as far as I knew. Well when we met I was single. But that isn't the case anymore. She insisted on calling me Hun and Babe even when I requested she stop. I was told that was how she talked. This femme is very high maintenance and expects to be catered to. Now I agreed to do some work for her which she kinda took as a free line to me whenever she wanted. Now I'm not much for talking on the phone. and this femme would insist it was business and we just HAD to talk etc. It really just ended up being over an hour of my time wasted on nothing. And she was impossible to get off the phone once she was on.

Now all this behavior was sending me the signals that she was trying to stake some claim to me that she has no right to. Am I wrong in that?
I mean she was very into talking all the time and taking up my time and I spent a good amount of time doing work for her. I have seen NO payment for any of it.

Now this fall we met in person and spent a day. She met my gf and everything. She was high maintenance all day which really wears me thin. Then she stopped at Walmart and I opted to wait in the car. When she finished shopping like 45 min to an hour later she threw a fit that she was disabled and legally blind (meanwhile she's driving all over in a rental car)etc. But I needed the break and wasn't going to apologize for it. Another red flag to me. I ain't your butch! Since I haven't been paid at all, I started setting boundaries with her as to how I would communicate with her. This ended our working relationship. Now I'm still owed total payment which I'm not holding my breath for.

Tell me.....did I miss read this whole situation? I think I was just too nice for to long.

I am not sure what her motives were or were not. Was she from the South or has she ever worked in food service? That explains the language.

I don't even know what to say about Walmart. I did not think we were supposed to shop there. lol. That alone would have put me over the edge.

Getting mad like that and going off? definitely a red flag. You do not deserve that.

I might be difficult to get off the phone myself, so I will not speak to that...l

The business thing, maybe make it more serious and have a communication memo or something that states exctly how you need to be communicated with for business.

Sorry this happened to you sounds stressful.

[homoe]

I was asking if she had ulterior motives. I have been told that some femmes are that way. That they have to stake their claim on a butch. I'm not available for any femme to do that but my gf. She is the only one who has a right to stake any sort of claim.


Jedi, so sorry this happened!


Femmes btw, IF any of you's are looking to stake a claim, I'm more than available!

[CherylNYC]

Jedi, so sorry this happened!


Femmes btw, IF any of you's are looking to stake a claim, I'm more than available!

While you sound sincere and adorable, I hope you don't mean that you seek the kind of attention Jedi described! That doesn't sound healthy at all.

I hope you don't think I'm presumptuous in speaking for you, but I would like to suggest to my femme sisters that Homoe is seeking to be claimed by a POLITE someone with GOOD BOUNDARIES.

[homoe]

While you sound sincere and adorable, I hope you don't mean that you seek the kind of attention Jedi described! That doesn't sound healthy at all.

I hope you don't think I'm presumptuous in speaking for you, but I would like to suggest to my femme sisters that Homoe is seeking to be claimed by a POLITE someone with GOOD BOUNDARIES.

Exactly Cheryl! Thank you

[Gemme]

OK....I'm not sure how to even explain this whole thing but here goes.......Femmes I need answers as to why other femmes act the way they do. And I just wasn't happy being disrespected. OK here goes the story......there was this femme that I have known for many years but just online and there was never anything between us except friendship as far as I knew. Well when we met I was single. But that isn't the case anymore. She insisted on calling me Hun and Babe even when I requested she stop. I was told that was how she talked. This femme is very high maintenance and expects to be catered to. Now I agreed to do some work for her which she kinda took as a free line to me whenever she wanted. Now I'm not much for talking on the phone. and this femme would insist it was business and we just HAD to talk etc. It really just ended up being over an hour of my time wasted on nothing. And she was impossible to get off the phone once she was on.

Now all this behavior was sending me the signals that she was trying to stake some claim to me that she has no right to. Am I wrong in that?
I mean she was very into talking all the time and taking up my time and I spent a good amount of time doing work for her. I have seen NO payment for any of it.

Now this fall we met in person and spent a day. She met my gf and everything. She was high maintenance all day which really wears me thin. Then she stopped at Walmart and I opted to wait in the car. When she finished shopping like 45 min to an hour later she threw a fit that she was disabled and legally blind (meanwhile she's driving all over in a rental car)etc. But I needed the break and wasn't going to apologize for it. Another red flag to me. I ain't your butch! Since I haven't been paid at all, I started setting boundaries with her as to how I would communicate with her. This ended our working relationship. Now I'm still owed total payment which I'm not holding my breath for.

Tell me.....did I miss read this whole situation? I think I was just too nice for to long.

I was asking if she had ulterior motives. I have been told that some femmes are that way. That they have to stake their claim on a butch. I'm not available for any femme to do that but my gf. She is the only one who has a right to stake any sort of claim.

I agree with Cheryl and Collette.

Here's the truth as I see it: you're a pretty easy going person that doesn't like to rock the boat and was genuinely trying to help someone....she's out for what she can get.

I'm from the South and the 'hun', 'babe' stuff is bullshit. Yes, it's part of the language but when you directly told her it made you uncomfortable, that should have been the end of it. IMMEDIATELY. When it didn't happen, you should have given her an ultimatum. If she crossed that line again, and it was very clear that she would and did, you should have cut ties. Again, immediately. And permanently. It's physics; every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This can be applied to your situation in that she was able to repeatedly cross the boundaries you set because you allowed her to and did not create firm repercussions for the discretion. Honestly, some people need a firmer touch to get the point across.

IMO, and this is coming from someone who completely totally and absolutely adores your GF and would squish her into a billion bits of artsy joy if I could, I find the other person's actions completely disrespectful of not only you but your GF and of your relationship with her. That alone would have caused me to brake hard. No one puts Baby in the corner and no one disrespects my partner and relationship when I have one. Hard pass!

As for the phone thing, I have a customer who has a brother that will keep her on the phone forever too. He also makes her feel like crap. I told her to just hang up on him if she sets a boundary..."I only have 15 minutes to talk"...and he blows over it...to say "Time's up; I have to go" and hang up on his ass.

No one can take what you don't freely give. Even if it was because you were trying to be nice or trying to suck it up for a paycheck in the end, you were being disrespected. Your love was being disrespected. Your lover was being disrespected. Your choice to continue to allow that behavior without consequence only encouraged it.

So, to answer your original question...yes, you were being too nice for too long. Yes, she had ulterior motives. Furthermore, yes, this could have been nipped in the bud if firm boundaries had been laid down, with real and finite consequences outlined and then followed through upon when they were ignored.

People treat you how you let them treat you. Sometimes that means being an asshole to protect yourself from being used. You just have to think about what's worse...hurting their feelings (if they have them....this person sounds very manipulative) for a moment or hurting yourself and your loved one in the long term. I guarantee you've spend more time fleshing this out then she has.

As for the website, if you still have it and can sell it or parts of it, do it. Making money was a reason it was designed, right? Get what you can out of it and get rid of the rest. Cut ties with this person, immediately and permanently. They are bad juju.