How Do You Self-Identify...and why.

[betenoire]

But first, a rule. I like those. I am really not interested in how you don't identify and why not.

Considering that there are a lot of words that mean basically the same thing, I'm pretty curious this week about why people have chosen the specific word that they've chosen.

for example: Lesbian, Gay Woman, and Dyke at the end of the day have pretty nearly the same definition - but different people tend to gravitate toward one particular word. I know "in real life" I have a lot of friends who are Dykes, but I only know very few Lesbians and to my knowledge I don't hang out with any Gay Women. Is that generational? Is it sub-culture related? What gives? Ditto with Pansexual and Bisexual. What makes people choose one over the other?

I'll go first: I choose Queer. I choose Queer because it means both absolutely nothing and potentially everything/anything. For me picking Queer means I am making a statement that I wish to align myself with the rest of you.

Am I allowed to make a poll or do I have to wait until I remember to send a money order to Medusa? ;)

[macele]

our identities are a set. so by you going with queer, right on.

i'm butch. i'm a woman. i'm a coach. i care about other's feelings. but i'm also femme at times. i'm lazy. i cuss up a storm. i laugh like crazy.

so i won't put myself in a cubby hole and say i am just one identity when i'm also others. we all are. i may like to think that i am butch all the time, but i'm not lol.

i could very well just identify as a laugher. it would be true!

[Ciaran]

I identify as metrosexual genderqueer. Why? Because it just feels right for me.

[AtLast]

Woman lesbian (which to me is not redundant and a critical pairing of terms) is what seems to be most accurate for me at this juncture. However, I am burned-out on "identity" within the range of butch to be honest. I am focused on character as a human being and this is what I have the deepest connection with within the butch-femme paradigm. And this is at the root of my participation here, this dynamic or narrative is the nucleus for me.

Of course I find elements of gender theory to be important and how my female masculinity enhances my life- and it does. The inter-play (and actually freedom) I experience as a woman with some masculine traits, as it were, is a good fit for me and always has been. Even with some of the ugliness I (and all of us) have encountered by not fitting socially accepted norms of gender.

What I want most for people within this community is to feel this same sense of peace no matter their identity across our entire queer spectrum. I know some have had (or will) to make very complex and life-long changes in order to be who they are and I want them to live life as they truly are.

[Random]

I ID as Queer Femme Dyke in the community and A Gay Woman in everyday life...

Gay because I came up in the boys clubs... I imprinted on the word Gay (Gay to me is a sexual marker... gay men/gay women)

Woman is my gender...(I know that female is the correct gender, but it feels weird calling myself female)

Queer means I am other... I queer the norm... It doesn't say what makes me other, just that I am...

Femme is my soul... It's a special creation of my own uniqueness...

Dyke is the bit of a rebel left in me...

I like labels... I don't think they put me in a box... I just like to think of them more as warning labels....

Grin...

[T4Texas]

I identify as an old school butch. old school meaning, the way things used to be. When people ask me, I tell them I am an old school butch with updated ideas, meaning a butch like you might have found twenty or fifty years ago before the advent of labels, who has attempted to keep up with the times while not losing identity. Sexuality, gender, etc, has over the years splintered into a million pieces with so many identifications its hard to keep up. Even though I cling to my past, I admire the people who have thought out who they are and what they really feel no matter what category that ultimately puts them in. By the same token, I do stick with my past and the strong feelings I have about being butch and what that means to me. For me personally, it means taking on a dominant role, being a leader and also being one who nurtures. When I came out, being butch was a given to me, it was who I was and there would be no compromise to it ever. That feeling has never changed. The only additions to it over the years have been a sense of being a daddy though I rarely ID that way and a particular sadistic streak which only in the last several years have I come to terms with as part of the kink side I embrace.
I have always felt that people today sometimes have a hard time finding who they are, in part because there are so many decisions now, in part because of our individuality. It makes it hard on the younger people to find their place and I feel for them in that regard. My life was simple coming out because you were pretty much either butch, femme or bi.
Trans was around then, but considered more of a curiosity I think rather than an identification. It amazes me in the last 30 years how much all of this has changed and how very different we all are, evolving from the simplicity of butch/femme to the complexities we have reached. I am comfortable in my skin, extremely confident about who I am, and I wonder sometimes how many people can really say that.
With that said, I have to say I support people in whatever ID they choose as we all have to make our way in life no matter how easy or complex it becomes. Your individuality is something you must never give away or let someone take from you. I have had people say to me in recent times that being butch or femme is now a relic of the past given the scores of new IDs that people have. I will have to disagree with that statement. We are what everything new has evolved from and I certainly don't feel like a relic or outdated by any means. I also find there are a lot of women out there who are wanting that type of old school relationship even among the younger crowd. In order to find your future, you must also embrace your past. We are the ones who were at Stonewall. We are the ones who were in the dirty bars that got raided by the police, We are the ones who were unable to 'pass' and were victimized because of it. The gay men, butches and drag queens opened the doors for all of you in one way or another. We are still here and a viable part of the community. Never count the old school out.

[*Anya*]

Interesting question and thread.

I never gave much thought to identity before landing on the planet.

Growing up, my female/girl identity was totally gender-congruent for me. My mom sewed me frilly dresses and set my hair in rags at night. The rags would make my hair come out in these long curls that I thought (and pictures still show), looked beautiful to me. It just seemed normal to me that putting my hair in rags that hurt, was what girls did to have Shirley Temple curls.

I loved dolls, tea parties and did not like getting dirty ( still really don't). I wanted to be a nurse from the time I was a little girl. My life was plotted out for me. I would get married and have children.

The only time I felt a twinge of disconnect was when I saw my first butch at 16. I felt someting I had never felt before inside. A hunger really but my friends hurried me away and I ignored that pull.

I am at one with my identity, my femaleness and being a woman. I am femme. It is who I am. I feel gender-congruent with my sex. I am greatly attracted to women with masculine traits & sense of self. It is the ying to my yang. It is the "otherness" to me.

I have gained a new understanding for those whose identity is not congruent with their gender. I can't imagine how painful it must be but have learned much about the struggle many experience daily while coming to terms with this for themselves since I have been on the planet. I also now totally "get" why many lesbians have transitioned. This was very hard for me to come to terms with when I first arrived here.

As ALH stated, yes, of course, character is important and critical. Perhaps even more so, is that we are able to feel as one with our bodies, our gender, our self-perception, self-identity and our view of the world and how others perceive us. It all has to "fit" for us to be our very best selves.

I might have digressed but woke up too early and got philosophical. This is how I see it this early AM on Sunday.

[LeftWriteFemme]

The first thing I am before anything else is a girl. I think this makes me 'other' in a way that is not as hard to explain, as it seems hard for people to understand or accept, this is not an age play or a little/big kind of thing either, that's not what I mean; I am a girl not a woman in the same way that a zebra is not a horse.

That said, I am gay also queer and a lesbian, femme is apparent, but it is on the list.

[Abigail Crabby]

Interesting topic.......

For me, first and always I am a girl..... I am a girl first and always, even if single I am still a girl.

I love lables, I slapped Queer Femme on me proudly long ago, sometimes at work I shock the younger straight set of friends I have when I call myself Queer. They react with omg!! Isn't that a derogatory word. I said only if one thinks so I happily embrace the Queer I am.

So I suppose I am a Queer Femme Girl and I love everyone no matter what label they choose or don't choose.

I am femme by nature as was my Mother before me.

[Heart]

How do I identify?

I'm a woman, I'm a lesbian, I'm femme.

I'm queer as in part of the queer community.

I also use/reclaim the word dyke, though my only issue with the word lesbian is when other queers wrinkle their noses at it.

Heart

[Gemme]

Queer Stone Femme Girl

Queer-a term that fits better than any other...it's often used as an umbrella term and I kind of like that because that means there's lots of room for different flavors inside that one identifier.

Stone-because I choose to partner with Stone Butches and Transguys and because their sexual boundaries of what touch is acceptable and what bits not to touch fit with my sexual boundaries of what bits I'm not touching as well as how I prefer to touch the bits I do touch.

Femme-ever notice that femme ends with 'me'?

Girl-maybe it's because I didn't get the childhood I think I should have or maybe I was just born this way, but I'm all girl, inside and out, good, bad and ugly. It's inside me as surely as the molecules that carry oxygen throughout my body and just as necessary for existence.

[Dominique]

I'm a middle aged athletic lesbian.:new:

[Glenn]

Lifelong Stonebutch..."I'm on the right track baby I was born this way".

[redrose]

I am femme because I am feminine in appearance and manner :)

[Just_G]

I am Queer. I was born Butch; it is who I am, it is what I am, it is how I dress, it is how I look. I feel Transgendered; a mix if two things that come together to make me unique.

Queer is my umbrella term out in the every day world; Trans-Butch around these parts since I don't have to explain myself to people here.

Y'all can just call me G. :winky:

[Jett]

Grown-ass unapologetic *Tomboy*. Why? Because it relays things at my core that have remained steady and true throughout my life- though at times (like decades) I have tried to shun/hide/smother pieces and parts of these things due to my own life experiences and that resulted in un-examined internal misogyny.

After self examination in the last couple years, self work on so many things OTHER than my identity, after scraping off the shit and allowing parts of myself light that I hadn't seen for decades... a cocky hardcore Tomboy remained... lol. The only part of me (in relation to these particular identities) I believe innate, and who I can most clearly remember always having been... if that makes sense. I could technically still claim butch, I am very butch (the adjective) inside still, my relationship has the yin yang of the dynamic... but for me in Tomboy I feel more "freedom" for integral parts of me, though not unheard of in "*butch* more unusual no doubt... and the conglomerate of them tip the scales in my mind. So it's honestly (for me) it's just more accurate in that it describes better and encompasses my personal *fluid-ness* being comfortable all in one vessel. I have strong masculine traits and also strong feminine traits and that works great for me... I enjoy both, they are not at odds in me but seamless and natural.

Did I break the rules because I spoke about not id'ing butch? I did it b/c I did ID that way for so long... or maybe because I'm a rule-breaker at heart... oh well... either way I have breakfast to make and a truck engine to play with... in other words, life calls... you can punish me later.
;)

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I'm a girl, a woman, gay, lesbian and femme.......why? Because gay and lesbian were the only two adjectives known in small town NZ.

I'm grew up a girl, I'm now a woman and identify as a femme.

[dykeumentary]

I'm a working class (manual laborer) butch dyke.
I'm a daughter, a feminist, an artist and a recreational soccer player.

[clay]

I am a woman identified Butch Lesbian.
Why? Because I was born this way..it is my soul, my fabric of who I am, and I can be this!

[Katalina]

Thank you for this thread...it is actually something I have been giving quite a bit of thought lately.

The relevant parts of my standard self-ID (long version upon request:) are:

Queer Leather Femme

Queer: I find 'queer' to be more expressive and encompassing of the way I live my life, and more aspects of my life than just my sexuality. "Lesbian" never sat right with me.

Leather: My leatherwalk is an integral part of how I live my life, and with whom.

Femme: I am comfortable with my assigned gender, although I'm certainly not High Holy Femme - don't have the stamina nor the inclination. I'm a feminine, low-maintenance femme. And I don't pay too much attention to the artificial boundaries between gender roles, although I do tend by nature to stay more on the 'feminine' side of the equation.

The word I'm mulling over adding is Stone. (Queer Leather Stone Femme). I've been reading and doing research, and there is apparently a lot of debate over definition. Plus, I've been slammed in previous relationships many times over how my sexuality works, so there's a lot of pain and 'un-learning' to deal with. But what I've learned so far goes a long way to explain things...and explain them a LOT. Too bad it took me so long (I'm 50) to look into it....

Anyway, great question, and thanks for posting it.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Lesbiana Femme

Lesbiana~ I am latina through and through lol

Femme~ I know no other way ;)

[Corkey]

Human
TG Butch male ID'd.
Human resonates more with me than ever.

[suebee]

I'm a gay woman. Hadn't thought about it before coming to b-f sites. It was just who I was. I've certainly learned a great deal about our community and the various I.D.'s since I came here though. Especially since I fell in love with a butch woman. However, gay, or queer or lesbian.....it's not necessarily the most important part of my identity. Of course that's probably in part because I've never lived anywhere where there's been a sizable gay community.

Sue

[EnderD_503]

Cool thread. I've been thinking a lot about why I identify the way I do lately, and increasingly I'm finding myself feeling a bit indifferent as far as my identity, but at the same time feel like it becomes clearer every day. It makes me wonder what role it plays in my life.

I identify as queer, stone butch and transguy. The first I see as my sexuality, the second a combination of my gender and sexual boundaries, and the third my sex, but all of them a bit of a mixed of meaning for me.

As far as my queer orientation, the reason I identify that way is very similar to the reason given in the OP, as far as it's ability to mean both nothing and anything/everything. Queer for me means very little about the gender/sex of the people someone chooses to fuck, and more to do with a detachment from a heteronormative framework so that anything flies. I don't see queer as something necessarily opposed to any other sexual orientation, but something that is so open-ended that it is pretty much inclusive of anything...and by that nature is non-heteronormative even if some under the queer banner choose to replicate some aspect of it for the shits n' giggles, or somehow incorporate some similar aspect into their relationship. The important part, to me, is that lack of restriction and ability to be anything without worrying about maintaining an image of what sexuality should/shouldn't be. I also see it as an important show of strength and unity politically/socially, as far as working together with others that count themselves a part of the queer community. Queer means having a community that doesn't exclude you.

I see stone as representative of my sexual boundaries, though I'm not sure how I feel about calling them boundaries. I feel like if they were boundaries for me, then they would be impeding me or restricting me, but I don't feel that way. It's just another marker of sexuality...which kind of leads me on to butch. Butch to me is both about gender and sexuality. For me (though evidently not for everyone) it's about the dynamic I enjoy in a relationship, and a dynamic that isn't really predefined the way I see it. On the other hand, it acts as my gender, too. Gender for me has kind of become a "how do I feel" vs. "what do I find desirable" kind of deal. I've kind of become disenchanted with masculinity/femininity as far as using them to define myself, personally, and I don't feel either fits me, whereas butch feels right on all accounts because it doesn't have to depend on either of those words. Its another one of those words for me that can mean a million different things to a million different butches, and no one ever has to (or at least shouldn't) worry about living up to expectation. There's no butch "archetype," and so there's no pressure to be anything but yourself. It's greater proof that gender isn't as black and white as the mainstream world would have people believe. It also allows my gender to be completely detached from sex, because butch has nothing to do with other people's thoughts on my "biological sex," nor even my thoughts on my own sex. It just is.

My trans identity is both related to the way I view my own sex, as well as the need I feel to pursue obtaining basic rights/protections for trans people. I feel that it's necessary for me to be visible as some form of trans identity in order to help gain certain rights for myself and other trans people in Canada. I also view my sex through the lens of "trans." I prefer trans alone, instead of tagging on any suffix to it, because I really don't feel like I'm going from one gender or sex to another. I just view it as a way of differentiating me from other sexes. I identify my sex as transmale, which I view differently from those born XY and assigned male at birth, as well as those born XX and assigned female at birth, and who agree with those sex assignments. I also don't see my sex as dictating my gender in any way whatsoever. More and more I feel its ridiculous for me to continue to view my sex or gender as dictated to me by non-trans people who see trans people as a "threat" to their own sense of normalcy.

[PumaJ]

When I first came out, I just called myself Gay. That was back during the days of "Gay Liberation" before the Women's Liberation movement & feminism swept up those of us who were lesbians. Then I called myself a "Dyke" & sometimes a "Queer". Even in those days, I never gave up my mascara;-) & sewed flower appliques on to my denim overalls, and my lovers were very, very Butch. It was so very uncool to acknowledge Butch & Femme, though, so we didn't even if we were. Eventually, I came around to just being my fabulous High Femme Lesbian feminist self & owning that ID in the context of my personal life.

To me saying lesbian implies a woman who loves & is sexually attracted to another woman. Which I am sort of, but when I am totally honest with myself about who I'm attracted to, it isn't just other women. Rather, I am very specifically attracted to those who run so much of their female masculinity that they really are 3rd gender, i.e. neither male or female gender, but both in one female form. Though none of them have wanted to be men, they are rather strongly male identified while still being female & wear all male clothing down to the underwear. I am not attracted to men. No. It is the male energy in female form (female masculinity) that gets me going. So, to me that is something other than just being a lesbian, it is being Queer. I am attracted to 3rd gender females. My current partner IDs as Boi & uses alternative pronouns.

I am friends with other femmes, be they in female or male bodies. I am friends with some straight women. So though I am very Femme in appearance & dress, I've been a career woman my whole adult life. I am fiercely independent, never wanting or needing to be financially supported by anyone else. For a long, long time I was in managerial positions due to my intellectual & clinical ability which in some ways is very male like. I've owned my home for a long time. So, all in all Queer seems more appropriate.

[J. Mason]

Transexual Male (FTM)

plain and simple

[AlphaDrug]

:moonstars: I usually identify as a femme dyke, femme, because I'm girly and I love my butches in their boxers and baggy jeans, and dyke because (a) I like the sound of it and (b) it's a word that tends to make people pay more attention... make people uncomfortable. You say lesbian and men go straight to the last porn they watched with two women with fake tits making out, say dyke and they're mind has less tendency to wonder.

Recently I've been contemplating changing to Queer Femme, because queer encompasses all that I'm interested in. If I were to date a FtM, or just someone who identifies as male or carries on in life with male pronouns, I feel like I might hurt their feelings by walking around calling myself a lesbian or dyke, because I'm not with a woman, in some amount of mindset both his and mine, I'm dating a man. Yet I'm sure as hell not identifying as straight, queer just covers the bases, and its a comfortable place to be for me. I say this because a friend of mine identified as lesbian for the longest time, began dating another friend who's FtM, she had a huge identity crisis within herself over whether or not she was still gay or accepted by the lesbian community for being with a "man"... very over dramatic, but I still understood where she was coming from in a way. I'm the kind of person to avoid drama and awkward situations, and Queer does that for me.

I hope my rambling made sense. Its late and I'm about to crash. <3

[foxyshaman]

Identity is tricky for me. I have always thought of myself as a red fox, ever since I was a little girl. Growing up in timberland gave me many opportunities to study foxes. I love being fox. I have nutured my fox self for close to 45 years.

Shamanism has been my gig for many years and I love it. My practice is exceptionally masculine allowing for my face to shapeshift during ceremony or healing work my inner face (male) becoming my outer face (you should see the shock on some of my patient's faces!!). Shamans are in-between persons and have been considered third genders for a long long time. When I first read about that I felt like my floor buckled and someone had reached inside me, turned on a light bulb, and read my soul. I finally fit. I embody third gender from a spiritual perspective. I have attempted to speak of this before in other threads and on other sites. What I have found however, was my claim for 3rd gender was soundly ignored. With a couple nasty PM's. <shrug>. I took it to mean that gender happened for most people in the physical and psychological realms. Where for shamans, it is in our spiritual/physical realm.

I identify as a spiritually minded dirt dog for the freedom. I know I am third gender by spiritual right and practice, but it takes an open mind to accept my designation. Dirt Dog though well, everyone who owns a dog knows that they are forever taking paths that others cannot see, let alone smell. And I know that when I go for a walk, no path ever ends the same as it starts.

That is me. You see a feminine woman. And I love being a woman, it is a funky gender with a nice bag'o'tricks. But what you see is not what you get. And just because a path looks simple and flat, well as a hiker I know that is soooo not true. As a dirt dog I can be whatever path I choose. Get as dirty as I want. Climb as steep as I want. Go as deep as I want. And always, always find my way. I have learnt through this life that every path leads me to exactly where I need to be, even if I don't know where I am going.

If pressed I call myself a Dyke. I love the word. I love the strength of the word. But yeah Fox is my wild nature. Dog is my domesticated nature. Shaman Third Gender is my true self.

[clay]

You iz so beautiful...and I like ALL those titles...HOTTTTTT!Identity is tricky for me. I have always thought of myself as a red fox, ever since I was a little girl. Growing up in timberland gave me many opportunities to study foxes. I love being fox. I have nutured my fox self for close to 45 years.

Shamanism has been my gig for many years and I love it. My practice is exceptionally masculine allowing for my face to shapeshift during ceremony or healing work my inner face (male) becoming my outer face (you should see the shock on some of my patient's faces!!). Shamans are in-between persons and have been considered third genders for a long long time. When I first read about that I felt like my floor buckled and someone had reached inside me, turned on a light bulb, and read my soul. I finally fit. I embody third gender from a spiritual perspective. I have attempted to speak of this before in other threads and on other sites. What I have found however, was my claim for 3rd gender was soundly ignored. With a couple nasty PM's. <shrug>. I took it to mean that gender happened for most people in the physical and psychological realms. Where for shamans, it is in our spiritual/physical realm.

I identify as a spiritually minded dirt dog for the freedom. I know I am third gender by spiritual right and practice, but it takes an open mind to accept my designation. Dirt Dog though well, everyone who owns a dog knows that they are forever taking paths that others cannot see, let alone smell. And I know that when I go for a walk, no path ever ends the same as it starts.

That is me. You see a feminine woman. And I love being a woman, it is a funky gender with a nice bag'o'tricks. But what you see is not what you get. And just because a path looks simple and flat, well as a hiker I know that is soooo not true. As a dirt dog I can be whatever path I choose. Get as dirty as I want. Climb as steep as I want. Go as deep as I want. And always, always find my way. I have learnt through this life that every path leads me to exactly where I need to be, even if I don't know where I am going.

If pressed I call myself a Dyke. I love the word. I love the strength of the word. But yeah Fox is my wild nature. Dog is my domesticated nature. Shaman Third Gender is my true self.

[CherylNYC]

Lesbian, femme, feminist, dyke. 'Nuff said.

[Apocalipstic]

Dyke, Femme, Lesbian, Momi, Daddy, Sister, Friend, Auntie, Aunt, Girly Girl

In interchangeable order

[Gentle Tiger]

I identify as a freaky tiger. Why? Because I am of course. I will post a more complete answer when I am not waiting for my lunch.

[betenoire]

I identify as a freaky tiger. Why? Because I am of course. I will post a more complete answer when I am not waiting for my lunch.

I know, it's hard to post on an empty stomache.

[WolfyOne]

Many years ago, I had an ex tell me I was too obvious...she was still in the closet.
I can't change the way I look, talk or walk and don't want to.
I like the way I gradually came into my own.
I am gentle, I am butch and I am a woman.
So, I am a gentle butch woman.
I always oozed with tomboy growing up.
Played all the boy games and never the girl games.
I did like playing house with girls :|
I like being seen for who I am and not who you want me to be.
Seems we all have some kind of understanding about identity here.
Wishing some day the outside world would accept us as we are, labels included.

[starryeyes]

Super Femme Lesbian.. for sure!!! :-D

[LaneyDoll]

I like labels-they tell the world, in easy terms, how I identify. Labels save me lots and lots of explaining.

I am:
*an extremely girly girly girl-that spider crawling on the floor, someone better kill it/remove it and now!
*an ultra femme-I love my make-up, clothes, heels and sparkly things
*a bratty BDSM bottom-someone could bring out the submissive in me but they haven't yet

But:
I am also:
*a mother-and happily so
*a peacekeeper-I hate when people hurt
*a survivor-I am not a victim, or a statistic.

:sparklyheart:

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've ID'd as many many things... an artist, a bisexual, a monkey wrencher, a socialist, a diesel femme, a radical queer, a punk rocker, a student, a primatologist...

on and on.



I am a traveller - not in the traditional sense, I'm not romany et al. I mean, my heritage of my blood family not being tied to a single place (ie, wanting to live some place forever) and that I seem to carry the same itch.

I am a west coastian of north america - North. I do have that enculturation I take with me everywhere and I cherish that way of seeing the world, dispite the ammount of flack I take for it.

I am an adoptee, that is a big part of what has shaped me. It' very much part of my identity as a human social creature

I don't have the words to describe the genders I have. One of them is a woman, so I am one. One of them is femme, so I am one.

My sexuality is dyke/queer, so I am one.

I am also a wife, which I'm proud of because of the long fight behind it.

I am a lover of science, that is my intellectual and hearts calling

I enjoy mythology and philosophy, especially eastern and I love the enactments to bring my body back in line and joined to my mind and my nature. That has been part of my identity for over 20 years.

I am a beloved daughter to people I love very much.

I was a sister, to a brother I deeply loved. even though he isn't here any longer to declare my social bond and role with, I still feel "sister" anyway. it's part of my ID.

None of these take precedent above or beyond the others. They are all part of who I am. All of my previous ID's that I am no longer were very real and deserved their moment. They were not "false" because they did not last forever. I wasn't "really" a lesbian when I was bi. I was bisexual when I was and I respect that part of my life as it's part of what made me who I am now.

[PumaJ]

I like reading all of the different ways we ID ourselves as Queers, Lesbians, Dykes, etc...including those of us who are transgender or transexual. No matter the semantics if it, we are all surely being powerful in the way in which we be human.

[iamkeri1]

These days I mostly identify myself to others as queer. For most of my life I have partnered with FTM individuals. I never FELT straight, though others saw/see me as such. Inside I think of myself as a lesbian, but I don't have the time or patience for the discussion over "how can you be a lesbian when your partner is male?" Callling myself queer, or gender queer shortens the discussion. Besides I think it is a very powerful word and I like reclaiming it from the folks who have used it to berate us and whip us into shape for centuries.

Yah - I'm queer!

Smooches,
Keri

[AlphaDrug]

These days I mostly identify myself to others as queer. For most of my life I have partnered with FTM individuals. I never FELT straight, though others saw/see me as such. Inside I think of myself as a lesbian, but I don't have the time or patience for the discussion over "how can you be a lesbian when your partner is male?" Callling myself queer, or gender queer shortens the discussion. Besides I think it is a very powerful word and I like reclaiming it from the folks who have used it to berate us and whip us into shape for centuries.

Yah - I'm queer!

Smooches,
Keri
:moonstars: That's exactly what I'm looking for too... switching to Queer in 1... 2... 3! <3

[SelfMadeMan]

I am...

A transexual man

A husband

A lover

A Bonus Dad

A Student

A Queer

An Activist

A Feminist

A Brother

A Harley enthusiast

A Tattoo Freak

A Planeteer :)

[oblivia]

I identify as a few things...

Queer Femme - this is my primary identifier within GLBTQ & Friends community. I like Queer.... for many of the same reasons others have stated. I love that it holds so much space for other identities, and feels more unified than other terms (to me). Femme is so important to me - and i never claim myself as Queer (or Lesbian) without adding "Femme" to it. That title is like a badge of honour for me.... it took me years to discover it, and once I did - I was NEVER letting it go. :) My tattoo has "Queer Femme" integrated into it.

Lesbian - I never used to use this label for myself but I am much more comfortable with it now and use it sometimes, particularly if I feel like it gets the idea across simpler with a particular person or group of people.

Little Girl - For those who get it - it's self explanatory. And for those who may not right away, I call this my "inner five year old". But really, this IS a huge part of my identity. I have a little side that I let out a LOT among people I trust - when I feel safe - and it's not so much about playing young, as it is literally letting myself squeal with joy and clap my hands when I want to. Letting my eyes go super wide and my mouth gape when I'm surprised in a good way.... bouncing up and down... tugging on Sparx's sleeve when I want her attention because I just HAVE TO SHOW HER SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. LOL It's just a huge part of me. She gets it. The man-children get it. My closest friends get it. It's just me.

[xxzalciaiomenxx]

I identify as a dyke...most of the time...why...because I like the word, it fits who I am, in personality and appearance.

There are times I view myself as genderqueer because I don't feel like either a man nor a woman at times.

There are also instances that I view myself as genderfluid, depending on my mood I can feel incredibly masculine or feminine, and I can move between these two very easily, sometimes I feel as if I am both at once....

I'm very complicated, all depending on my mood, the environment surrounding me, and the company I am in.

[Jett]

NWAjDqZHc6s

[Hack]

I am a work in progress. I am very, very queer. I am a butch. I am stone. I am male-identified and live my life as such. I will try to tell you I am just a simple guy, but I appreciate women who get that I am complex and like that I am.

[Massive]

I'm a masculine identified Butch, an out and proud Dyke, who is also a Brother to many, a Daddy to the right one, a Mentor and a Friend.
I also consider myself to be GenderQueer, because I mostly pass as a man in public, I'm more shocked when I get called "Miss", when I get called Sir I don't even blink any more, I've been called Sir now since my late teens.
Part of my ID also stems from my nationality, I'm British, but I'm from the North of England, and it's an integral part of who I am. Being from here is my history, it's my blood, my roots stem from here...
I'm proud of being Queer, just as I'm proud of being a Northerner!
I ID all these ways, because just one label isn't enough, if they're even labels really, I don't think "okay, today I'm going to be Butch, etc" I'm this way even in my sleep, I can't be anything else but who I am. I happen to love myself for being the way I am. In the future my ID may change again, as it has been my entire life, because as far as I'm concerned gender identification is fluid, we grow and learn and see things differently the more we experience, it's self-defeating to get stuck and not move with the path we're led on in life.

[Quintease]

I had to look through this to see if I'd answered before, only it doesn't appear that I have.

I am female
I am difficult
I am lesbian
I am femme(ish)
I am sometimes pseudo-heterosexual
I am always wife
I am a warm climate girl
I am hopefully a mother one day
I am someone who hangs out on online forums rather than real life
I am all the different types of me

[foxyshaman]

The more I look inside, the more deeply I fall into and out of who I am.

I can no more separate my spiritual calling from my physical appearance then...well I don't really know what to compare it to because I don't remember not having a calling. Ever.

I am very female on the outside, but it took me years to find my feminine. I had always been in relationships where I took the more masculine role, I am actively aware and use the animus parts of my personality easily. The anima is an integral part of my exterior healer. My interior shaman is male, so very very male; not just animus.

As a Northerner, first generation Canadian, I draw heavily on my ancestral practice of seidhr. Seidhr has been historically considered to be "evil magic" because it could be used to alter men's minds and thoughts - I have often read the term "turn the world upside down". This might be a reference to an earthquake (which would be pretty serious magic) or to changing someone's perceptions so drastically via this mind-altering magic that their world might as well be turned upside down. The phrase strikes me so strongly because that's exactly what third gender people do. By our very nature, we turn the world upside down. We are living, walking catalysts, and this is the first mystery of our existence. We turn everything that people think they know about gender - that supposedly safe ground beneath their feet - upside down. We change worlds.

There are "out in the world" third gender persons. There are also, in the other worlds, third gender persons. I will continue to draw attention to the latter for as long as I draw breath. Sexual identity is fluid, gender identity is not simply an outward appearance. Shamanism is a deep and complicated practice. Complicated further by being a feminie dyke with a male shaman interior.

Related yet unrelated, many people I know are very afraid, or leery of doing head stands. Makes sense to me, how many of us like to turn our world upside down... and then stay in that position without falling right side up.

[starryeyes]

1. Femme Lesbian
2. Interpreter
3. Twin
4. Handful

:-D

[Honey]

Gender queer femme with a wicked mind and a voracious appetite

[1ladyface]

Kinky
Queer
Femme
Feminist
Friend
Lover
Sister
Daughter
Sex worker
Dog mom

[Morgan]

I'm a
Different type of Butch, nothing is typical about who I am or how I identify, I am my own person......I will never conform to anyone's definition of how I should be or act.

[*Anya*]

Woman/Female by birth and this has always felt completely gender-congruent for me

Lesbian femme, because I am sexually, emotionally and intellectually attracted to female-bodied butches

Feminist, because I believe that all of us, by virtue of being human, deserve equality as a moral and legal right

[Toughy]

How do I self identify?

sometimes I am so tired of this 'I identify as ________'

Corkey says all the time..............I am a human being

I am is the most important thing. Be careful what you say after the 'I am' part......cuz your brain really believes it without any filter.

I am power-less blah blah blah blah................well I am powerless because I claim powerless.......why you claim that is not important

I am powerful blah blah blah blah........well I claim power because I am powerful.......

I am are the 2 most powerful words for the conscious and subconscious brain

I am because I am

[AtLast]

How do I self identify?

sometimes I am so tired of this 'I identify as ________'

Corkey says all the time..............I am a human being

I am is the most important thing. Be careful what you say after the 'I am' part......cuz your brain really believes it without any filter.

I am power-less blah blah blah blah................well I am powerless because I claim powerless.......why you claim that is not important

I am powerful blah blah blah blah........well I claim power because I am powerful.......

I am are the 2 most powerful words for the conscious and subconscious brain

I am because I am

Agreed!

I am so many things in terms of self-identification- no way can I put myself into one "identity"! Why would I even want to do this? I don't live my life as one, single characteristic of self-identification. That would mean I woud stagnate and have but one dimension.

Also, I always feel this question is gender directed and I don't view being a woman as uni-dimensional either.

[Kobi]

More than ever, I choose to use the label lesbian. To me, that defines the essence of everything that I am.

To me, this gives me the freedom to see myself as an individual entity rather than as existing in relation to something else. And this, in and of itself, gives me the freedom to expand all that I am capable of being and doing.

[JAGG]

For me, I've learned the best way to reply to this question is, I'm just me. Because when you say Satan it seems to really scare people.:seeingstars:

[adorable]

I too am tired of this “I identify as________.” Yet, without it, I am unable to find the missing piece to the puzzle. I am a human being. Almost all of us in here are. However, I don’t want to spend my days and nights with just any human being. Otherwise, I could have stayed with the human beings I was previously with and just been happy they were human.

Some of us are tired of being a disappointment to people. To be loved and accepted is a very human need. It hurts when someone that you love looks at you and wishes you were someone or something else. The question of who I am is an important one to me. I prefer to partner with like minded others. Love is a verb. If I can’t love someone the way they need me to or they can’t love me the way that I need – how can it work? There must be a starting point. The older I get the less tolerance I have for experiments.


The core of who I am is just that, my core. My ID is very much a part of that core. When I look back I can say that my ID hasn’t really changed, it was my vocabulary and ability to explain it that did. As human beings we tend to see others in our reflection. On the whole, we tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, allowing ourselves to remain in the blissful ignorance of thinking that everyone is basically like us. It keeps the murder rate down. The downside to that is that we can easily erase who other people are by seeing them as we are. The worst case scenario is that you end up in a relationship with someone, who one day turns to you, and says, “You would be perfect if…”

That communication of basics, that ability to say “I identify as ______” makes it more likely to fill the empty box marked “potential love match.” How anyone in the “friend” box IDs doesn’t matter to me. I want to look at someone who gives me butterflies and to say “I am ______and actually be able to fill in that the blank for them and then say to them “And who are you?” If they answer me like Popeye and say “I am what I am, take it or leave it” – well, today I’m smart enough to leave it. Sometimes that answer is the result of not knowing, other times it’s an unwillingness to be honest – either way, for me, it’s a set up that leads to disaster.

This thread (and others like it) are an important (I think) for so many reasons. There is hope here for the people who are looking for their missing piece and can answer the question of who they are and how they ID. Hope is important. I think meaningful love is important too. Without these answers, we are all just pictures in other people’s imaginations with put upon expectations of who they think we are or who they want us to be in relation to themselves. Until the questions are answered, who we actually are remains a mystery. While there is beauty and excitement to be found in mystery, there can be equal heartache and despair. It’s a unique pain that comes from falling in love with everything about a person before you know their ID or what it means to them. Talking fast about everything you have in common and thinking they are so wonderfulandjustsoperfectandhowdidIeverlivewithout youandomgmetoo!!

Only to find out, that, while it is entirely possible, because you are both human, to physically have a sexual relationship, they need things that you simply don’t want to do and worse, if you do them it changes how you feel. The relational dynamic falls flat. It’s not about acceptance or lack of acceptance. It’s more like a religion that you practice, one that’s important to you. Some relationships can work around it, but for most people they wouldn’t even bother to start with upfront knowledge. To continue with that relationship generally leads to a sense of longing, and to a worse loneliness than actually being alone. Ultimately, it leads to either being a disappointment or to being disappointed.

There are questions to be answered when getting to know someone. (Lots of them.) The ID, IMO, is a starting point and from that place we can begin to see where and if we fit together. Going backwards from everything else about a person to their ID is dangerous. (For me anyway.)

I wish more people would say “I identify as______” and this is what that means to me ______. Followed by, what I am looking for is someone who is_________________. (And actually be honest about it – don’t just say what you think someone wants to hear out of some twisted insecurity.) Most of us spend more time putting our grocery lists together for the week then we do on finding a real connection. It can be tough to navigate especially in forums because to say you don’t like something that someone else does (or if you use the wrong word when trying to explain it all) can require a PhD in verbal kickboxing that few of us have. The exhaustion of having to explain why we are who we are or why we feel like we do or why we like what we like is difficult enough one on one, much less in a virtual room full of people who only know their own paths to here.

[Heart]

woman trapped in a woman's body....

Happy New Year Planet!

;)

[genghisfawn]

Femme: a careful smile, a firm handshake, a raucous giggle, a penchant for lipstick, a tendency to twirl, an adoration of beauty, a deploration of invisibility.

Old-fashioned: gemeinschaft versus geselleschaft.

Kinky: as hell.

[AlexHunter]

Butch Genderqueer

I feel mostly male on the inside, but I have absolutely no desire to surgically or hormonally modify my female body.

I am butch for a variety of reasons. "Butch" is an adjective meaning masculine; I enjoy playing the "butch" role in my relationships and would not have it any other way; I especially identify with the piece of queer history butches fought for and participated in; I also identify with the idea of using "butch" as a gender, which - for me - is a genderqueer identity; genderqueer meaning not solely male or female.

I also identify as queer, a dude, a guy, and a dyke... because I can.

[rocky 781]

I am a stone butch domesticated daddy who is a lover of life, people and fur babies also the daddy to fur babbies :fastdraq: :cigar2 :cigar2: :cigar2:

[MarineCorps1]

I identify as queer because it's all inclusive - totally both and absolutely neither, and boi because it's male but soft around the edges. My personal leanings are MUCH more on the male side, but every once in a while I wake up on the femme side of the bed and rock that, too. Androgyn would be an appropriate term as well.

[Toughy]

I identify as queer because it's all inclusive - totally both and absolutely neither, and boi because it's male but soft around the edges. My personal leanings are MUCH more on the male side, but every once in a while I wake up on the femme side of the bed and rock that, too. Androgyn would be an appropriate term as well.

Can you explain what you mean by 'the femme side of the bed'?

[DanieClarke]

single celibate and happy :)

[~ocean]

femme ~ I was born this way.

[Tony]

Male. 100%. It's the brain, heart & soul I was born with. Just got put in the wrong container.

[Bèsame*]

all pink. Lace. Frilly.

[meridiantoo]

I think I adopted the femme identity label because it more closely fits than any other label. I'm not opposed to labels; I think they can tell you basic ideas of expression in a short time period. Specifically online where you have absence of other cues and experiences with people, you can get a decent jest of someone with a label. That's not to say we all fit our labels perfectly, though.

I am femme in that I love frills, girl-talk, and butches as my partners. I am not femme in that my sexual preference is not #1 on the overall list of who I am. I identify first and foremost as a women, followed by a Christian, then as a femme lesbian. I think there is a distinction between 'woman' and 'femme lesbian' for me. Woman, for me, means I am half a whole. I am by nature the yin of that half and what it encompasses, as well as endless possibilities as a human being. To say this does not mean a butch woman is not also a 'woman' in identity. She may or may not identify as her/she, but rather by hym/hy. The femme lesbian label is more constricting. It places me in an exclusively-defined role and character, which I do not always agree with nor accept.

When I bring this label into the GLBTQ community, I think my femme lesbian identity can also be constricting even among those I consider my peers as far as what people see in that label and the inferences they take from it. I think it's humorous at times and also frustrating.

I like this thread a lot. Thank you for starting it!

:3femme:

[~baby~doll~]

When I first discovered my different nature compared to the rest of the world the only word I knew was queer but I kept that to myself. A year or so later I learned the word dyke and after that I learned lesbian.
What is my identity?
Third Gender Queer, Gynesexual/romantic, Demisexual, Polyamorous:| and happy to be me.
I go by Queer it saves a lot of explaining over the terms that best describe me.

[Happyfemme]

I am very much femme for lots of reasons. I am very girly and when I am in a relationship it is with someone who identifies as butch or ftm.

[DJ Bear]

Male, 100%. I've know since I was little that my body was the wrong one, my mind just knew that. Unfortunately it has been a decades long road for me to identify as FTM. I'm finally living who I am now. It feels good, it feels real, it feels right.

[imperfect_cupcake]

heart = girlie girl
gender = femme and my other gender is woman
sex = female (I get very irritated when people confuse sex and gender)
sexual orientation = dyke/queer. I often call myself lesbian though I'm not formost vagina driven. dyke cock is the first, then vagina. but both enjoyed.

I was not born femme. I was born female then I learned that my characteristics that i grew into were tomboy. I loved girl clothes but had no desire to hang out with other girls at all.
It wasn't till I realised I was a dyke that my big huge drag queen little girl came out.
I was happy to meet her.
I've slowly let go of the tomboy in the past 10 years, of having to prove I'm "capable" - I don't have to be good at fixing things. I still love camping and snakes etc but I no longer feel I have to prove anything by doing all the repairs. And frankly, I don't want to do any cleaning either. I'm happy to pay other people to do it.

so perhaps I've gotten rather urban as well.

[Girl_On_Fire]

Queer Femme. When I first came out, I used to word "lesbian" but it just never seemed to fit me right. Then I started discovering my attraction to male-identified butches and trans guys and I went..."Oh." One of my closest friends told me there was a name for that: Queer Transensual Femme. I loved it. But recently I just shorted it to Queer Femme. I still use lesbian so others outside the B/F community can relate. Sometimes I loathe lengthy explanations.

[wahya]

I am Butch but also consider myself two spirited. I also have a couple of other titles I am fine with too. Mom, Ba Ba ( grandson's name for me) I look like a male but I think like a woman. I think that women by nature are more intelligent then men are.(my opinion) I am attracted to strong,smart & independent femmes. But in the bedroom I like to be in total control.

[Library_girl]

I am very much femme and identify as femme or even high femme. I wear lots of labels like femme, sub, babygirl, etc. I embrace labels and it's probably because I'm a librarian--we classify everything. :D

To the rest of the world, gay or straight, I'm a lesbian and that's fine with me. I am a lesbian too. In the LGBT world, some recognize me as femme. I came out of the closet when I was 17, then figured out that I was a femme when I was about 22 or 23. That was like a second coming out--what a thrill!

Now that I'm in love with and in a committed relationship with a FTM, some may be inclined to question my self definition of "lesbian". I still consider myself part of the gay community, the LGBT community, but my identity is mine, not someone else's.

I think identity, for me anyway, is something that evolves and grows with time. Whether it's gender identity, sexual identity, cultural identity, or what have you. I'm fascinated by this and just love the multitudes and diversity of identities in our world.

[deb0670]

i am femme, lesbian,queer, woman, etc..
i am with an FTM, but that does not take away from who or what i am.
i am a babygirl, submissive, but have my independent side as well..

[StrongButch]

A kinky bastard!

[Loren_Q]

...snip this part...

I think identity, for me anyway, is something that evolves and grows with time. Whether it's gender identity, sexual identity, cultural identity, or what have you. I'm fascinated by this and just love the multitudes and diversity of identities in our world.


What she said.

I do use labels because it makes things easier for others, but mostly I self-identify as Loren, if you want to know about me, ask.

Labels I use most often: queer, lesbian, dyke, leather-dyke, butch, androgynous, gender-queer, Asian, Latino, Latina, and polyamorous. There's more, but you get the gist.

Why I use these labels is because I'm comfortable with them, and they're readily accessible.

I used lesbian and dyke when I first came out. Lesbian to be polite, dyke to be "in your face".

I'm of an age that I was part of the re-appropriation of "queer", so that has special meaning to me.

Leather or leather-dyke or polyamorous doesn't identify me, it defines how I do sex and relationships. But I threw those in cause, well, cause I wanted to.

[Preston]

I identify as a transguy or transgender male. I do not like the term "ftm" for myself because I feel that I am not or never was female specially after I hit puberty all my psychical femininity went out the door. Before I knew what "trans" was I was a dyke or lesbian who was very butch always , and for the majority attracted to women which always brought questioning myself up because a part of me was still attracted to other people specially as I became older. And soon later I realized I was also Pansexual. Now that I finally have "labels" I'm kinda more comfortable with telling people and being open. I'm not having to explain all these details and stipulations to how I identify.

[Scots_On_The_Rocks]

As I answered in the "Butch Pronouns - A Questionaire" thread:

I chose to answer only the following question as that based upon my answer to it, all other questions seem to be answered by proxy.

So here is the question I referenced and my answer.

1. How do you identify?

This is an interesting question.

The need within the queer community to quantify and validate our existence and identities into neat, organized categories, has caused us to label things to the point that we have become some long string of pronouns, adjectives and nouns. And oft we are touting off this diatribe of words to people who have stopped listening after the first two words of our identity, where we are striving through words to be seen as "different, unique, and new".

Sadly, language is both evolving and stagnating to the point that people still fall through the cracks between descriptors.

And that is where I fall into this.

There are no descriptors that I feel accurately describe me without my having fallen into the "alphabet soup" and come out covered in layer upon layer of adjectives.

So, oft, "for the sake of conversation", I momentarily don the name-tag of "male-identified butch", and then promptly take it off after introductions are made, because it is my actions that determine who I am, not a string of ill-fitting words.

And due to this aforementioned need to quantify and validate that is so rampant within the queer community, I refrain from throwing gender based monikers around when referring to others in that:

1. People tend to get rather defensive and aggressive around mis-usage of the "proper" descriptors of their choice.

2. I want to be as effectively respectful of others as I possibly can in the hopes that they in turn will respect my gender expression, gender identity, and gender preference.

[TruTexan]

First of all I'm just me. Next would be that I was born butch, I claim it, I walk it, talk it, etc. etc. There's nothing feminine about me and never has been, ever. So I am just being me, who happens to be a butch woman that is a lesbian at heart. Lesbian because it's the first self Identifier in my years of first coming out and it fits me just as snug as butch does.

[JDeere]

Heterosexual TransMan, nothing more, nothing less:cigar2:

[puddin']

i'm a genderqueer muse. i dance the light fantastic...

[Tuff Stuff]

I was born a woman,and maybe I have not always wanted to be one (my early years mostly)but ask me today and i'll tell you I am happy being a woman.Of course when I was a girl I was a tomboy,but enjoyed being in the company of girls.I'm not a lesbian or bi-sexual.But these are the type of women I dated and hung out with.I am a feminist,and I get along with most feminist unless they are extreme. I don't like anything that is extreme..and hating people because they were born with a penis is pretty extreme.I like the words dyke and pervert..and bitch.But I don't like being called Sir,what strangers call me on a daily basis.Its possible that I may be a two-spirit person,but that is something I never bothered to ask. My wife is lesbian and is pretty much opposite of what I look like, in appearance mostly.We look like a straight couple.

I id as a Butch Woman,period.

[Esme nha Maire]

Extremely interesting thread. For myself, for as long as I've realised that no, I do NOT have to be stuck in the box others might perceive me as and/or want me to be, I've been determined to just be myself, because being essentially forced to not be myself was so extremely distressing and damned near fatal more than once. So 'just me' is accurate, but that's true of everyone, so, going one level down from there...

Depending on the circumstances, I might use either dyke, tomboy or lesbian to describe me, at the moment. All are accurate. I do find that because dyke has a harder-edge sound to it, that that's useful if I'm around guys that might get tiresome if one says "lesbian". Dyke seems to tell them that I'm not an easy target for their "humourous" comments, and thankfully they also seem to understand that I'm emphatically not an honourary lad just because I find women sexy. Tomboy gives notice to other lesbians that I'm somewhere in the middle of the butch-femme spectrum and may exhibit elements of both at various times, possibly even simultaneously.

What I am finding fascinating is not so much what I identify as, but exploring the boundaries of what I might be attracted to, but that's off-topic here (apologies). But thank you to all who've taken part in chats about such matters, here at BFP, as the insights I've gained have been helping me sift the wheat from the chaff about my sexuality. I'm still finding boxes to break out of.

[girl_dee]

it depends on my mood, but overall i am femme. i am attracted to butch women.

Other ID's i claim are queer, gay and dyke!

[Deborah*]

Femme, because I always have been.

Deborah

[BullDog]

As stated in my profile, I am a Dominant Stone Butch Daddy. That's kind of a mouthful, so just plain old Butch will do in most circumstances. I am also a Dyke and Lesbian (despite rumors to the contrary, there is no contradiction with Lesbian and Stone Butch). Queer and gay are fine, but don't deeply resonate on a personal level for me like some other terms do. I've been regularly called a guy by former partners (both in good and bad ways, lol) and it does fit, but I'm not male or male identified. I am very proud of my female masculinity - my butchness. Mostly I'm just goofy old Me.

[Martina]

I am a woman. I am a lesbian. Happy to use the words gay and dyke also. I rarely use queer although of course it applies. I barely ID as femme, not because I have changed, but because people's understanding of what it means changed. But I ID'd as femme for 30 years. I don't know. I am a fourth generation educator. A lover of water and boats. Music geek (and snob). Maybe the most important -- a cat person.

[JDeere]

I am a woman. I am a lesbian. Happy to use the words gay and dyke also. I rarely use queer although of course it applies. I barely ID as femme, not because I have changed, but because people's understanding of what it means changed. But I ID'd as femme for 30 years. I don't know. I am a fourth generation educator. A lover of water and boats. Music geek (and snob). Maybe the most important -- a cat person.

Yuck cats lol just teasing!

[Martina]

AND OSU (as in Ohio, not Oklahoma) fan!!

[JDeere]

AND OSU (as in Ohio, not Oklahoma) fan!!

Yeah yeah we know lol

[DapperButch]

As stated in my profile, I am a Dominant Stone Butch Daddy. That's kind of a mouthful, so just plain old Butch will do in most circumstances. I am also a Dyke and Lesbian (despite rumors to the contrary, there is no contradiction with Lesbian and Stone Butch). Queer and gay are fine, but don't deeply resonate on a personal level for me like some other terms do. I've been regularly called a guy by former partners (both in good and bad ways, lol) and it does fit, but I'm not male or male identified. I am very proud of my female masculinity - my butchness. Mostly I'm just goofy old Me.

I have not heard this, but it is unfortunate to think that people believe this. One choosing to not be touched/not be touched in certain ways, and who find their sexual pleasure comes from pleasing their partner, can still identify as women. Deriving your sexual pleasure from pleasing someone else does not mean you are not a woman...women loving women...the most basic drilled down definition of lesbian, no?

[AmazonDC]

Intersexed Queer Stone Daddy ..

[AmazonDC]

AND OSU (as in Ohio, not Oklahoma) fan!!

I'm so sorry.... GO BLUE

[BullDog]

I have not heard this, but it is unfortunate to think that people believe this. One choosing to not be touched/not be touched in certain ways, and who find their sexual pleasure comes from pleasing their partner, can still identify as women. Deriving your sexual pleasure from pleasing someone else does not mean you are not a woman...women loving women...the most basic drilled down definition of lesbian, no?

Well, it's nothing that has been said recently, but in practically every Stone discussion there has ever been people talk about the reason they are stone is because they don't i.d. as a lesbian or don't like lesbian sex and things of that nature. Um lesbian sex is whatever a lesbian wants it to be. So yes, I do agree with you and it makes no sense.

[Tuff Stuff]

To strangers,i'm a stone butch.With my wife,she gets to play.. and it's different each time.:darthsmiley:

[Kätzchen]

I identify as Femme (my gender). And, for the longest time, I refused to speak about my sexual identity, which my sexual identity is bisexual, by nature: But because most people I've encountered in life tend to have internalized stereotyped beliefs about my type of sexual identity, I've not been very public about it socially, UNLESS it involves talking about it in unvarnished ways and in terms which, in my life experience, has not always been easy for other people to understand.

What's important to me is that my gender and sexual identity is not up for debate (full stop).

For example, one type of stereotype I encounter is that people think that those who claim bisexual identity is that bisexual individuals sleep with every proverbial 'Tom, Dick or Harry'.
I'm living proof that I don't sleep around, nor have I had an outrageous list of anonymous sexual encounters. In fact, it's the opposite for me. I've only had a handful (or less) of romantic partners. Another fact about me is that I don't like partnering with anyone who practices BDSM. Another fact about me is that I am not polyarmorous either. In fact, I'm monogamous in my romantic and sexual proclivities.

I'm Femme......and I'm fierce. Fierce in my identity and fierce about who I am.

[lisa93]

femme lesbian

[JDeere]

Butch Asshole and trust me my friends who have known me for 10 plus years will tell you, it fits me!

[RockOn]

I am a stone butch extrovert who has intentionally cloned myself into the disguise of a stone butch introvert ... introvert works better for me in real life ... attention can be a burden ... my trust in the human race has fallen by the wayside ...this deliberate self-assigned introvert status seems (for me) to employ more of a type of indescribable peace within, decreases emotional liabilities ... another added feature -->> it lessens confusion and the tiresome task of trying to read people in the sense of noticing how their words match their actions because there lies the real truth --->> words vs. actions ...do they match??

I am far happier now than I have ever been in my life. :)

It is here! Happy Friday!

[Ascot]

I've always liked dyke. (and dykes) There's something almost old fashioned about it, and that it's been hurled as an epithet also holds appeal. I suppose it's that ol' reclamation thing. Lesbian has always sounded a bit clinical to me. I've no issue with anyone else using it, but in reference to myself, not so much. When I was a lot younger I guess used it mostly owing to my limited vernacular, and switched to dyke as comfort within my own queer skin grew. I also like queer a lot because it's broad. I'm gay, I'm strange, sometimes I think I'm a bit of a gay man. It fits. Of course there's also Butch, but I think I'm more selective in the use of that one. In this community there's no explanation needed. Out there ---> I don't always feel like having to explain it. I might say something like, "It's a good thing I'm butchy because with feet this big I'd have to shop where drag queens do, and all my shoes would be 6" patent leather stilletos". Most nonqueer people can figure that out contextually.

[girl_dee]

I've always liked dyke. (and dykes) There's something almost old fashioned about it, and that it's been hurled as an epithet also holds appeal. I suppose it's that ol' reclamation thing. Lesbian has always sounded a bit clinical to me. I've no issue with anyone else using it, but in reference to myself, not so much. When I was a lot younger I guess used it mostly owing to my limited vernacular, and switched to dyke as comfort within my own queer skin grew. I also like queer a lot because it's broad. I'm gay, I'm strange, sometimes I think I'm a bit of a gay man. It fits. Of course there's also Butch, but I think I'm more selective in the use of that one. In this community there's no explanation needed. Out there ---> I don't always feel like having to explain it. I might say something like, "It's a good thing I'm butchy because with feet this big I'd have to shop where drag queens do, and all my shoes would be 6" patent leather stilletos". Most nonqueer people can figure that out contextually.


i feel the same way about *dyke*. i get in the broad spectrum lesbian is the label but i never resonated. i love calling myself an old dyke. Dyke feels rebellious!

i also claim queer. It’s another old school term that had a negative connotaion that i love .

being able to be who we are here under a big umbrella is quite nice.

[indigo]

"queer femme" resonates best with my self-awareness, exploration and life experiences so far. :hk14:

[charley]

Yes, this is an interesting thread.
As this is a site where sexual preferences are discussed openly, my sexual orientation and that of others on this site are given an opportunity to be owned up to - and, this very fact allows for openness and transparency and something which is not something that I would be inclined to announce verbally to others in real life, apart from many being aware that I am - in their words - “gay/homosexual/lesbian”.
So, I have always had a masculine psyche; I am a soft butch, and have always related better to soft femmes.
Having said that and because of all the meditation I have done, would have say that I have "become" gentler verbally, and less blunt, and am now able to relate verbally to all kinds of people, basically because I no longer seem to have any more psychological (emotional) reactions - such as anger, etc. I like being this way.
To those on this site, "How do I identify?" ... soft butch, female.
When I hear a straight man use the expression, "I am a man!", it gives me the sense that he feels that just because he is biologically male, it gives him some entitlements, some privileges - which in themselves, are the basis of all the sexism and misogyny in this patriarchal world. Hence, calling myself "a woman" would be in my opinion feeding the drama of that very problem that we all live with.
Biologically speaking, it is a fact that I am female, and as far as I am concerned, that is not a belief. And, as I am more interested in facts rather than beliefs, anything else would fall into the realm of ideas about facts, rather than facts per se.
Fortunately, in Canada, people can now opt out of gender identification on their passports by placing an "x" there, signifying a gender-neutral position (joining countries such as Australia, Denmark, Germany, Malta, New Zealand, Pakistan, India, Ireland and Nepal that provide various third-options).
To myself, "How do I identify?" ... human being

:byebye:

[akiza]

nice one ^^ how do i identify? asked years before i'ld have said lesbian easy ^^ with the time i've breathed in phase with femme or i do said fem lesbian at times ^^ it's just right to me hard to explain but right ^^

[Clyde]

A simple and complex topic :)

I identify as a Queer Butch, though lately I have also embraced the term "non-binary", which I think is very apt for me.

[JDeere]

Male Ided Butch. Pretty simple except people don't really get it.

[Signmypapyrus]

Queer femme.

[AmazonDC]

Queer Stone Daddy.. and all that applies