Your Death and Post-Death Preferences

[Nat]

I know it sounds morbid, but we are all facing eventual death. Sometimes we know it's coming and sometimes we don't. It's the one area where we have little control over when or where or how.

Today, it's on my mind. I'm not sure why, and I am. It's not coming from a morbid place. It's just that it's been on my mind lately. Maybe it was beautiful sweetcalico's clothes at the femme clothing swap and the feeling she is still with us, that her memory lives on among us. Due to a long break from the community, I wasn't aware she was sick. But she was one of my favorite posters on the dash site, and it was saddening to know she had passed over. But the clothing swap was beautiful and part of the reason for that was the passing on of her clothes to her sister femmes and the honoring of her spirit in that sweaty half-naked, warm frenzy.

And I've been thinking about the funerals and other memorials I've attended. I love cemeteries - especially the older ones.

So I guess this thread is a chance to think about what you'd like to leave behind, how you'd like your death handled, what you want to happen with your body, how you'd like to be remembered. Of course these ideas are like to change over the years. So, I will post my own thoughts later. Hopefully death is a long long way away for most of us, but I don't think it would be ad to have an idea in mind for the time when it comes. For those facing death at closer range, I assume you may have begun to think about these things more than those of us may have.

[Turtle]

I spend a lot of time in the midst of death and grief and I am very aware if it...

I try to live my life being with other people as best I can...

When people hear of my passing, my preference would be for people to just smile and think how nice it was to know me. But it's not that simple, I can't run other people's feelings or their grief, but I'd rather they weren't in pain...so I'd rather just evaporate over time from people's consciousness and that they never hear of my death...just be glad to have known me... :praying:

[atomiczombie]

I know enough about what funeral parlors do to bodies to know that I want to be cremated.

[stargazingboi]

I know it’s a painful thought for many to think about losing the person they love, a friend, a lover, a sister, a brother, etc.

As for the actual funeral the arrangements they have been all set up and placed in writing…everything is selected so that no one has to sit and wonder what to do during such a time. My hope is that if there is anything left worth using to save another, that they take it…then send me off for the services and then cremation. I update it often…music lists change, I grow each year and tweak the message I want to sent to those I leave behind.

I am aware of my mortality, as I have faced death several times, and know that in the future one day I will not be able to escape my fate. I live each day grateful for being able to spend one more day with those I love, and I pray they know just how much love I hold for them.

Much like Turtle, I would like people to smile when they think me, to know that I impacted them in a positive way…remember me fondly and gently, remember my strength and desires to live a love filled life. However, yet again Turtle points out a fact that remains…I cannot control their response. So, I sit and I pray that the love I gave will be enough to last through the years they remain.

[Ebon]

I would like for my body to be buried in a biodegradable bag so that my body can provide nutrients for the earth and the living plants around it. I don't care where. Everybody can party and have a good time around the burial sight. I would prefer for people to celebrate my life and not mourn my death. And no one is allowed to wear black.

[Jett]

I want to be rolled and smoked... but since I can't have that I supposed cremation will do, kind of the same thing I guess.. ;)

As to what I want to leave ppl with, just that I am remembered fondly... my possessions are to my gal and family.

[Words]

I want a traditional Muslim burial. Ideally, it should take place within 24 hours of my passing although I appreciate that for practical reasons, that's unlikely to happen so I've made it clear that even if I have to spend a few days 'on hold' elsewhere, I want to spend the night before the burial at home. (I used to work in a hospital and often had cause to visit the mortuary...the impersonal nature, the sterile environment, are probably why I want this.)

A bit strange, I know, but it's important to me.

Words

[Julie]

I don't want to be memorialized -- I do not want my name in the paper, or upon a headstone - I do not want an epitaph of any kind. I would just want to know, before I closed my eyes for the last time, that if I had hurt you - I had the opportunity to apologize and if you have hurt me, that I had the opportunity to let you know you are still loved by me. I think the worst thing, when someone dies - is the ending. Words not said or heard by one another. I want complete closure and I want the people who love me and I love, to have the same. I have been most blessed with this. I have no person in my life that I have not had complete loving closure with, regardless if it was an unexpected death or an expected death.

My body... It is in my mind, simply an empty shell. All of my organs will go to others, for whatever purpose might seem appropriate - that could include my skin and limbs. I just want to be sure I am really dead. I have this ongoing fear, that I will wake up and feel the pain of the process. It has been a fear for me since I was a child. Whatever remains, I would want to be cremated and placed in the Hudson River where my dad is.

I am not afraid of dying or death and often imagine I will welcome it when it does happen. I do believe in the other side and I do believe in reincarnation. I do believe I will see those who went before me. It gives me great comfort and hope.

Julie

[tapu]

I believe that when my body processes stop, what I call my mind will be one of them. Then I want to donate my body for medical harvesting, and then I want to become one of those skeletons in a high school science class. I've planned on this for at least a decade. I have it in writing.

[Daywalker]

When I pass ~

I've heard that there are a couple of
questions folks have just before they pass.

Was I loved, and did I love well.
I can honestly say that I can say yes to both of these.
:bunchflowers:

I am of the Philosophy that when we are born, we begin to die.
From that moment on, it is the inevitable and we should all act accordingly.
:sunglass:

Take the physical being I reside in and sift through the ashes when I'm gone.
You will not find me there, I will be in the same place I always have been.
In the hearts of those who shared My life with me.

Mrs Day would like to wear an amulet with my ashes in it.
I told her to feel free to have mah ashes added to ink.
She tiled her head...and I said...for a tattoo.
:vampirebat:

I probably didn't answer the questions,
but I'm not high yet so there that is.
:|

:daywalker:

[Gemme]

I would like for my body to be buried in a biodegradable bag so that my body can provide nutrients for the earth and the living plants around it. I don't care where. Everybody can party and have a good time around the burial sight. I would prefer for people to celebrate my life and not mourn my death. And no one is allowed to wear black.

But black is so slimming!

[Gemme]

I am an organ donor. I hope to help as many folks as I can with what I have at the time of my passing. I haven't exactly decided what I'd like done with my leftovers once that is done. It honestly depends on how much of my physical being is left. Hopefully, the Universe will allow me a manner of death that will help me to do this.
Maybe I could donate the rest of me to a medical school. Maybe be cremated and cast in some of my favorite places. That would create an expense for my loved ones, though. Maybe I'll start a fund so that someone can travel to those places and scatter me about to and fro. Maybe I'll have separate sprinkles for different people.

Well, that part's not figured out exactly yet. I do know that I want the doctors to harvest as much of me as they can.

I don't fear death. At all. I do worry that the pathway to death's door will be painful to bear. I'm not a big fan of pain, so I hope that my death is either swift or painless or maybe just a little pain. The way I see it is that my life to this point has had quite a bit of pain in it, so maybe I'll get a break at the end. Kind of like a coupon. Oh, you had X amount in pain so you get 25% off your pain during death.

I dunno.

Maybe I sound flip, but death itself isn't something I worry about. I worry about how it will feel. I worry about what the people who find me will think and I hope that I'm not found days into my decomposition because that would not allow me do what I wanted to do most and also, it's pretty damn disgusting. Decomp is a smell you don't easily forget.

[Cowboi]

Prop me up beside the juke box if I die
Lord, I want to go to heaven, but I don't want to go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die

[Venus007]

I want to be cremated.
I would like a tree planted with my ashes in its roots.
The people I love can do whatever they want with the rest of my remains, have it made into a diamond, shot off in fireworks, snorted, mixed into tattoo ink whatever floats their individual memorial boats.
I will be long gone and other than that tree thing, I don't care, I just want them to go back to being happy.

[Inuus]

I have had my directives written out for years. I want to be cremated. For me and its only my own opinion, I think a funeral and burial is just a waste of real estate and too much money for a vessel or empty shell. I want no flowers as I also believe that is a waste of beautiful plants and money too. I want my ashes scattered in the most beautiful place I have been on earth The Kancamagus Highway in my home state of NH. If people wish to do anything in my memory I wrote I would like them to actually go down to their local animal shelter, get to see the animals and donate whatever they wish as I believe its a far better way to spend their money.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

I remember when my mom died when I was 13, turning around in the limo to watch all the cars in her funeral procession. I was shocked at the huge number of cars! I had no idea that she had "mattered" to so many people, and from that point on to today, that is what I hope for for me, that when I go, people will acknowledge that I MATTERED in their lives.

I also plan to be an organ donor, firmly believing in that most precious gift. After the docs have taken all that they can use, I want to be cremated. I would want my ashes sprinkled from a couple of places, from high in the Rocky Mountains, to the Atlantic Ocean off Palm Beach, to a quiet park somewhere here in Arkansas, somewhere that has beautiful sunrises and sunsets, tall trees and lots of green. These are places that bring joy to my heart now, and where i would hope to rest.

As for memorial services, I want musical selections that mean something to me, and I have already asked my ex AA sponsor to sing "Amazing Grace". She has the most incredible voice. I would hope for a couple of services, one in FL for all my peeps down there, and one wherever I happen to be living, where my kids and grandkids and friends can come together and remember me and laugh and cry and celebrate my life and yes, how I MATTERED in their lives.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

For the Maori, the Tangihanga (Funeral Rite) may take two or three days. The deceased lies in state, usually in an open coffin with female relatives sitting around them. Visitors come during the day, sometimes from many miles to address the deceased. They may speak frankly of his or her faults as well as virtues, but singing and joking are also appropriate. Free expression of grief by both men and women is encouraged. Traditional beliefs may be invoked depending on the tribe, and the deceased is told to return to the ancestral homeland, Hawaiki, by way of the spirits' journey. The close kin ("dead skin") may not speak. On the last night, the night of ending, the mourners hold a vigil and at sunrise the coffin is closed, before a church or Marae funeral service.

My funeral arrangements are already in place and mostly paid for (should I die whilst living overseas money is available for my body to be flown home) – further instructions are held with my Will. I will be buried on the Marae along with my Daughter and other family members.

For nearly 20 years I’ve worked in the Mortuary Sciences, many as a Mentor for students, teaching them the various Embalming methods/practices of many cultures. I don’t fear death – I’d hope that when my time comes, my colleagues would be laughing and joking knowing that, that is how they often knew me. I’m the least morbid person many people know, lol!

[Turtle]

Oh yeah, I forgot, I am totally for organ donation, got my pink dot on my license ( it's a california thing) and I'm in the computer, so no one can argue about it. Then, cremate the leftovers, please and scatter to the wind or the sea.

[Jett]

I answered earlier... but I am thinking I would want known in this world of doubt and whatever, that I was as genuine as I could be... that if I said you were my friend, you were my friend... and if I said "big luvs", I felt luvs for you... and that if you loved me, I could tell, and am so glad for that...

Jett

[J. Mason]

I am an organ donor so my organs will be donated, its on my DL.

Then I want to be cremated and my ashes spread over my home state!

[princessbelle]

Organ donor here as well. Just not my eyes. I won't say why, being a nurse...just not what i want my body to go through. Sounds funny since i'll be dead.

Anyway. I want to be cremated as well. Not spread anywhere.

Just set me in a pink frilly vase with lace on the edges on BullDog's mantel so i can keep watch over things and still get stories on story night.

Oh and don't forget to take me to the reunions. Pass me around and dance with me. Just don't spill me please and thank you.

[o222Good]

Organ donor here also.
So...
Closed casket, no embalming. Photos.
Sharon says she'll be very mad if I go first!
It's on my To Do list to purchase all the arrangements.

[Nurse Darlin]

Today was one of the hardest days in my life. I had to say goodbye to my big brother. Its something you never expect to have to do so young. 7 years ago I burried my son. Unfortunately, they are in seperate cemetaries. I plan to be burried near my son. Something I need. I am an organ donor. If my death can bring life to someone elses brother or mother or child, that's what I want. I have talked to my children who are 14, 11, and 6 about organ donation to ensure they follow through with my wishes. We have also talked about if God forbid, something happened to one of them, I will donate their organs as well. I pray I never live to see another one of my children lowered in the ground. I watched the pain on my parents face today, and I knew what they felt. Maybe this isn't exactly the appropriate thread for my thoughts. I'm all mixed up and my broken heart takes over. I miss my brother. I plan on seeing him again one day.

[RockOn]

Years and years ago, when friends and I would be discussing this topic, I'd tell them to make sure they didn't let anyone apply make-up to me or put a dress on me before sticking me in the box. I have changed since them. I want any of my parts that are useable to be removed and utilized to help others. I have organ donor checked on my driver's license. Also, I share the same sentiments along with what atomiczombie posted - my choice is cremation. I would not enjoy being pulled out of "peaceful dead" to have to go CUJO on some freak who was handling the parts in ... let's just call it ... a disrespectful manner. :) And p-le-a-s-e don't anyone get emotional over the bag of ashes and be carrying that around. I love the woods. A friend can toss the bag behind her truck seat and at her convenience, trot over into some nice woods, dump it there with no fanfare and be done with it.

[DamonK]

Donate me.
Use me.
Burn me.

If something can be used, do it. If you can learn something from me, do it. When you're done, you'd best cremate me.

If you insist on having a service, don't do it formally in a funeral home or anything like that. Big ol' party.

In the middle of the night.

[Gráinne]

I have an order that if I can only be kept alive by machines, turn them off. No heroic measures. I drew that up with my will last year.

After death, use whatever can be used, then cremate the rest. And I want about the opposite of my brother's funeral; he had canned hymn music, somber people sitting around in black, and an ancient funeral director who turned his service into a Jesus call. It was awful. I want a New Orleans jazz band, and/or the drum band from Titanic ;). Huge bash, no crying allowed.

After that, I'll either be scattered somewhere I love or put into a fake rock in one of those rock gardens springing up in cemeteries now. I can see it now: my kids will go visit "Mom's Rock" on Sunday afternoons :P.

I've also considered donating myself to the Body Farm in Tennessee.

[Soft*Silver]

rituals after death are for the living. I have informed my family that I have no preferences. They may do what they wish with my body. My only wish is to not spend alot of money on it. No need.

I too am an organ donor. They are to bear respect for that.

I dont care if they bury me, nor do I care if they visit the grave if they do. I dont care if they cremate me. If they do, I just ask to be near horses.

I want to be remembered as someone who made the difference in animal's lives. I have helped many a dog and horse rescue. I help set up online auctions to sell items for animal rescue organizations. I adopt only senior animals. I foster when asked, and do legs of transport to assist animals get to their forever homes. I dont care that I live on next to nothing. I help abused animals find kind humans that make their time on earth happy, safe and loving.

[EnderD_503]

All this just made me realise that if I died tomorrow they'd probably have no sweet clue what to do with my body, lol. That's ok, surprises are fun even if I'm not around to enjoy them :p

Ideally being cremated is appealing to me. I also want to be buried in the cemetery in East Ont. where most everyone from my maternal family is buried/will be buried. Oh and I want my cat's urn to be buried alongside me. Yes, I'm cheesy, but I fucking loved my cat :( She was more awesome than most people.

[tapu]

I'm not giving up my science class skeleton aspirations, but I have heard of a new process which is supposed to be greener and have some advantages over cremation. Sounds kinda skeevy, but it's called liquefaction.

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/you-can-now-liquefy-your-body-for-a-greener-burial/

[Abigail Crabby]

I'm not giving up my science class skeleton aspirations, but I have heard of a new process which is supposed to be greener and have some advantages over cremation. Sounds kinda skeevy, but it's called liquefaction.

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/you-can-now-liquefy-your-body-for-a-greener-burial/


It's too early to look at any linki that says liquid in it :canadian:

[Abigail Crabby]

I'm an Organ Donor - use what you need that will help someone else.

Cremation - and if we are in Ark on Family space, please sprinkle my ashes there.

Otherwise I'm all for sprinkling me at Sea.

[SelfMadeMan]

These conversations are never easy for me... since I was a small child, death was my biggest fear - still is I suppose. I used to be afraid to spend the night away from home as a child - I had this paralyzing fear that something would happen to my parents. I would get up at night sometimes and go check on them. Weird I know, but I think maybe it was a premonition that I would lose them sooner than I should - I was 24 when my Mom died, and lost my Dad two years later. It causes me physical pain when I think even briefly of something happening to Stacy. So it isn't even that I fear my own death, as much as I fear losing those I love.

All that being said - I would love to go WITH Stacy when we're very old, surrounded by our children and grandchildren so I can tell them all one more time (hopefully) that they were our greatest joy in life and how proud they've made us. I want our friends to know they were loved and appreciated as well. I want to have made a difference.

Neither of us want a funeral - we're adamant about that. I am not a religious person and don't want any type of religious ceremony held for me. I want any useable organs donated - I am a registered donor - and then cremate what's left and scatter my ashes somewhere beautiful... doesn't really matter where, although the Grand Canyon would be cool. I don't want any formal mourning event held for me... but a party. I want my life and memory to be celebrated with love and laughter, music and dancing. Matter of fact, I want to pre pay for a keg so I can buy my friends one more round :)

[tapu]

The idea of being "sprinkled" or "scattered" skeeves me. Was it Beetlejuice when the dead women were falling apart at the end, or was that some other movie?

[Apocalipstic]

I don't want to die alone.
Thats all for now

More later.

[tapu]

I don't want to die alone.
Thats all for now

More later.


Do you mean, like, die alone in the frozen tundra? Or, die alone without a lover there?

[Andrea]

As others have said: Harvest what can be used and then cremate me. Place me as close to Rene as possible. Preferably within his arms. This is if Rene goes first.

If I go first Rene gets to decide because my wishes go against his religion and I don't wish to put him through that.

No funeral. We agree on that. A celebration of life would be a nice touch but not required.

[princessbelle]

I have one rule in my relationship...that's that i go first.

I do not want to be left alone. Send me out with a song, a toast and a tip of your hat. I'd much rather be "over there" than here by myself.

[hot-not]

I love love love to have parties and I entertain frequently. When I die I want my friends to threw the biggest damn party I have ever had; loud music, outside fire, dancing, drinking, meeting new people, quiet places to talk, fun games to play... I want them to party as though I am there ...

My body was a vessel - when I die give it to whom ever may benefit from it and burn the rest.... it anyone needs to see my dead body for psychological acceptance that I am gone--see it fast cause there will be no funeral or viewing of the body.

If I die very old-- I son will have to have his children and their children throw the party... Smiiles

[Apocalipstic]

Do you mean, like, die alone in the frozen tundra? Or, die alone without a lover there?

Now that you mention it, I would prefer not do freeze to death. :) lol!!!!

It does not have to be a lover, but I would like someone I love to be holding my hand as I dies, yes.

I would like to be cremated with icons of the Virgen de la Guadalupe and my ashes maybe added to a coral reef, something water related.

I would like "I am the Walrus" to be played.

[macele]

i am a donor.

i don't want to be viewed, nor do i want to be at a funeral home. i want a service held at the church, ... this is for my mother and daddy. i want their lives to remember with mine. preach, sing, play the piano, ... the old-fashioned southern way. this is not about just me.

i want to be buried. because i'm going to rise again. like a phoenix! where i am buried, i don't mind.

make me comfortable. mesh shorts and a white tshirt. socks, i want brand new socks on lol.

life should be remembered. memory is one of our greatest gifts. i just hope the memories of me are remembered in caring, in competition, in imagination, in written words, celebrated with laughter and tears. yes, tears. i love tears.

[Queerasfck]

Organ donor-yes
cremated-yes
ashes thrown out over Heinz Field-hell yes!

http://www.heinzfieldhotels.com/images/teren.jpg

[MsTinkerbelly]

I am an organ donor, but because of my health I doubt they will use any part of me. When my Step-Father passed we tried to have his organs donated as per his wishes, but they disallowed him.

I wish to be cremated, and as was done for my Mother I would like a party for my family and friends to get together and remember my life.

[JustJo]

I don't think this is morbid at all...realistic is more like it.

My mother and I have had several conversations about this lately since her cancer is what it is. She has decided to donate her body to research on Crohn's disease. As a 50 year survivor of it, they may be able to learn some things from her body after she's gone. She wants no funeral at all....it's a family tradition. We just don't do them. She said that her friends can gather at Dunkin Donuts and have a cup of tea and a cruller in her honor. Her family can do what they want (since they always have...and none of them are close).

As far as my own body, I'd like to donate whatever is usable, although I doubt any of it will be given my health issues. What's left can be cremated. I like roses, and roses like ashes....act accordingly.

Everything I own goes to my son.

[tapu]

Very interesting thread.


This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2

[DapperButch]

Very interesting thread.


This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

[DapperButch]

So.

When I was dealing with colon cancer last/this year I thought about death for the first time. Well, it was the first time I thought about my death, anyway.

What struck me was that it was important to me that people remembered me after I died. Not remembered me FOR something. Just remembered me. I thought about how when an acquaintance dies I might feel sad about their loss, but that eventually I think about the person less and less.

My thought was that it was important to me that the people who were close to me not forget me quickly. What that means exactly, I don't know. I just know I had that thought often during my surgery/chemo induced haze (that really I swear I didn't come out of until like a month ago even though I finished chemo 6 months ago). I am not so sure what all is behind that psychologically, but this is what I remember focusing on.

In terms of my own funeral/burial, etc. I signed up to donate all organs, but I suppose now that wouldn't make sense since I had cancer/chemo? Or, at least they shouldn't take my parts I don't think. Sure, all of us have cancer cells floating around, but most likely I have more than most. And not to be morbid or anything, but there certainly is a solid chance that I have a tiny tumor in an organ somewhere that will become known to me in a few or more years. A tumor that is currently too small for a scan to pick up on. No, I do not think anyone should have my organs.

Anyway...

I don't really care what happens with my body. I do want to be cremated and don't want my body to be viewed. My mother will no doubt want some sort of service at her church and I am fine with that. I also have a plot next to my mother and father (evidently, they were cheap at the time, so my parents figured they would buy me one too, "in case I never got another plot and needed it"...thanks mom and dad!). If I die any time soon I am ok with my ashes being buried there. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter to me.

[tapu]

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.




My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium. :rolleyes:

[DapperButch]

My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium. :rolleyes:

Ok, so in looking at my last post, one may think so. LOL

Now I am thinking that I dreamed it. But, there was someone that posted some sort of picture similar to this. Seriously. Maybe not a picture with members here, but something was posted in a thread somewhere. I swear.

Ask someone with a good memory for these types of things. Snow or June or something.

[DapperButch]

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=500

Medusa at mausoleum. :-)

[socialjustice_fsu]

As a hospice social worker I am so pleased this is being openly talked about. Please, if you do nothing more than this it may ease not only your mind but also who might be overseeing your final arrangements: WRITE YOUR WISHES DOWN. Give a copy to someone you trust. Most physicians will even keep this info. for you in their file. I promise you...it is not good enough to simply speak your wishes. When family and friends have differing thoughts about what you 'might' want it can get terribly ugly. I could supply you with example after example of things gone awry in the face of a death.

And, take a look at advance directives in your state. Many of the forms can be downloaded in a matter of minutes. These include living wills, health care proxy statement, health care surrogate, durable power of attorney. Some will require a notary seal depending on the format. Insist your partner complete the same documents. If you assign a DPOA - keep a copy in the glove compartment - hopefully, you will never need it - but in an emergency you want to know where to look first.

As far as organ donors...most states have a registry that you can access to be sure you are actually listed. In Florida it is donatelifeflorida.com.

Please, have this discussion - outloud - and then commit it to paper.

Do this for yourself. And do it for the loved one's in your life. They will be forever grateful.

[Hack]

I read an article several months ago about the "green" funeral movement. If you think about it, when we bury the dead in a cemetery, we put a lot of stuff in the ground that is not good -- heavy metals, chemicals, treated wood products, etc.

I tried to find a link to the article (it was in Audubon Magazine), but I can't locate it. Here is a good link, though, to an organization that espouses "green" funerals. http://www.greenburialcouncil.org/

As for me, personally, I have to admit I haven't given much thought to it. I am a very much a "day at a time" type of person. I do know I'm not big on a church thing. I'd just rather it be some sort of non-denominational memorial type thing with a nice party afterward.

[tapu]

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=500

Medusa at mausoleum. :-)



No. Frigging. Way. I can't believe that! Hope she sees this. It's kind of... double eerie.

[tapu]

columbarium?

[always2late]

Donate whatever can be donated, and then cremation.

[tapu]

I read an article several months ago about the "green" funeral movement. If you think about it, when we bury the dead in a cemetery, we put a lot of stuff in the ground that is not good -- heavy metals, chemicals, treated wood products, etc.

I tried to find a link to the article (it was in Audubon Magazine), but I can't locate it. Here is a good link, though, to an organization that espouses "green" funerals. http://www.greenburialcouncil.org/

As for me, personally, I have to admit I haven't given much thought to it. I am a very much a "day at a time" type of person. I do know I'm not big on a church thing. I'd just rather it be some sort of non-denominational memorial type thing with a nice party afterward.



Six Feet Under had a few episodes about green burials. There were some pretty visceral details, but seemed good to me. (I think I read that the land might be a problem--is it that it shouldn't get into the water table or something?) I don't know, but it's an interesting topic to research.

[Gina]

As a hospice social worker I am so pleased this is being openly talked about. Please, if you do nothing more than this it may ease not only your mind but also who might be overseeing your final arrangements: WRITE YOUR WISHES DOWN. Give a copy to someone you trust. Most physicians will even keep this info. for you in their file. I promise you...it is not good enough to simply speak your wishes. When family and friends have differing thoughts about what you 'might' want it can get terribly ugly. I could supply you with example after example of things gone awry in the face of a death.

And, take a look at advance directives in your state. Many of the forms can be downloaded in a matter of minutes. These include living wills, health care proxy statement, health care surrogate, durable power of attorney. Some will require a notary seal depending on the format. Insist your partner complete the same documents. If you assign a DPOA - keep a copy in the glove compartment - hopefully, you will never need it - but in an emergency you want to know where to look first.

As far as organ donors...most states have a registry that you can access to be sure you are actually listed. In Florida it is donatelifeflorida.com.

Please, have this discussion - outloud - and then commit it to paper.

Do this for yourself. And do it for the loved one's in your life. They will be forever grateful.

Okay folks...I am in Hospice care at home. Today I got oxygen delivered. I have COPD and there is no cure. Hospice is wonderful and the people are caring and make sure that you have what you need to live out your life as comfortable as possible. I have written my wishes in the booklet they gave me and also have copies for family and I carry a copy in the car. I am still out and about and go out and do things. I was never afraid to live, and I am not afraid to die. I will keep you posted on the process of dying if you want..

Gina

[Hollylane]

I want whatever organs that are usable to be given to those who can use them.

After that, I want to be given back to the Earth. If I have to be in a bag to make people more comfortable, make it a biodegradable bag. I want my body to nourish the Earth that nourished me.

[princessbelle]

I am a Hospice/Homecare nurse as well.

Something inspiring happened today at work. We are now handing out all of the forms, from Living Wills, to Durable Power Of Attorneys with every single patient that we admit to Homecare now in our admission packets.

I thought about this thread today while we were getting the new info. And as socialjustice_fsu stated, all states are different. Here in Tennessee our Living Wills can just have two sigs and no longer have to be notarized.

State to State rules...those are what is important to know the facts and can definately be found online. Make sure everyone including your PCP, family and POA know these exist and actually have copies of them. Because the line ...."oh don't do CPR on her she didn't want it but i don't know where that paper is" will equate to, most of the time, prolonging life no matter what the circumstance.

[princessbelle]

Okay folks...I am in Hospice care at home. Today I got oxygen delivered. I have COPD and there is no cure. Hospice is wonderful and the people are caring and make sure that you have what you need to live out your life as comfortable as possible. I have written my wishes in the booklet they gave me and also have copies for family and I carry a copy in the car. I am still out and about and go out and do things. I was never afraid to live, and I am not afraid to die. I will keep you posted on the process of dying if you want..

Gina

Your courage has left me speechless. I hope that your journey is peaceful and loving.

Thank you for your candid post. It is very brave. Love and prayers to you and yours.

[Hollylane]

Okay folks...I am in Hospice care at home. Today I got oxygen delivered. I have COPD and there is no cure. Hospice is wonderful and the people are caring and make sure that you have what you need to live out your life as comfortable as possible. I have written my wishes in the booklet they gave me and also have copies for family and I carry a copy in the car. I am still out and about and go out and do things. I was never afraid to live, and I am not afraid to die. I will keep you posted on the process of dying if you want..

Gina

I too, am speechless. You are very brave and strong. Thank you for sharing. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that your path is peaceful, filled with beauty, and that you are surrounded by the people you love, and the people who love you.

[clay]

((((((((((((((((GINA))))))))))))))
You are a very brave lady....and that was very courageous of you to open yourself up to us here!!! May your days be of comforting and peaceful serenity for you!! I will walk with you in spirit!! You are loved here!!! :rrose: Clay

[clay]

PRINCESSBELLE In SC, and I believe Florida has, we have paperwork called Five Wishes..that can be filled out (and my deceased partner's had to be notarized....and we carried copies of all the paperwork in a manila envelope everywhere with us..I had a file folder and I kept copies in there!) that I strongly suggest everyone have these filled out..they are legal and binding...and so easy to fill out. You can probably google and find out if your state has them available. Thanks for your very informative posts, Belle!!! and SocialJustice_FSU[/COLOR]

[Sachita]

Take whatever organs still work then send me to ashes and sprinkle me in my garden.

[Babyangeleyez]

I hate death. I hate talking about it. Don't want no part of it..... Until I had to go through it with my son 3 years ago. Now, I'm a firm believer in planning ahead. It's painful enough losing your loved one, but to have to make the decisions while you are grieving is not pleasant either.

I have told my family and ex-partner that if something happens to me please do not dress me all up fancy cuz thats not who I am. Make sure that my casket is lined in pink. I don't care if its a pink shag rug, as long as its pink. I will be buried in the plot beside my son. Donate whatever organs that can be donated. And have a big party afterwards. It's not good-bye.....just see ya later!

[JAGG]

I have a will and all my loved ones already know this. Just in case here is my desires. Take all the parts you want , cremate the rest. But here is the most important part. Instead of a wake and a funeral, I want a huge party! Catered in a huge place with a big dance floorand lots of tables and chairs. Free open bar. With a champagne fountain. I want a band or a real good DJ. They can request any song or music they want. But they must play these 2 songs, and when they do everyone must get on the dance floor and dance. Even if you are in a wheelchair. The Hokey Pokey, and the chicken dance. Because you can't dance to those songs without laughing or at least smile. I promise if I can be there somehow come back for a few minutes to be with you for those two songs I will. Then at the end of the evening after everyone has eaten well , drank their fill and danced, they will go outside for one awesome fireworks show. And those who know me, know if I can be there with you for that, I wouldn't miss it.

[Gina]

I have a will and all my loved ones already know this. Just in case here is my desires. Take all the parts you want , cremate the rest. But here is the most important part. Instead of a wake and a funeral, I want a huge party! Catered in a huge place with a big dance floorand lots of tables and chairs. Free open bar. With a champagne fountain. I want a band or a real good DJ. They can request any song or music they want. But they must play these 2 songs, and when they do everyone must get on the dance floor and dance. Even if you are in a wheelchair. The Hokey Pokey, and the chicken dance. Because you can't dance to those songs without laughing or at least smile. I promise if I can be there somehow come back for a few minutes to be with you for those two songs I will. Then at the end of the evening after everyone has eaten well , drank their fill and danced, they will go outside for one awesome fireworks show. And those who know me, know if I can be there with you for that, I wouldn't miss it.


I am with you on the party Jagg!!! And there will be one...:)

Gina (too busy to stay here)..

[Glenn]

My parents as well as my teachers from India, have tried to teach me to remain even-minded through all the vicissitudes of life. If I saw a movie that made me cry I was told to stop, it is only a movie. If someone was sick or dying, I was expected to sustain positive vibes or be scolded. When I saw my parents dying I cried, and was told to leave the room. Death and suffering were hardly talked about in my house or among my family unless, it was to give medicine and sympathy in soothing whispers, or practice opposition positivity. At funerals and such, there was no partying or crying. I was to give honor and respect. So when it is time for me to kick off this frame, I want to do it quietly and disappear. The way I am living now. No drama or I miss you.

[theoddz]

I am a United States Marine and I've always been very proud of that fact and of the bond I share with my brothers and sisters who also wear that title proudly. Some of the most special moments of my life have been spent in the company of my fellow Marines and when I die, I'd like to rest in their company for all time. I can think of no higher honor and no finer place to rest in peace. So, with that in mind, here are my final wishes.

I am an organ donor, so I'd like whatever I might have left and useable to be donated to help another live or have a higher quality of life, if possible. After that, I want to be cremated and have my ashes interred at the Beaufort National Cemetery, outside the gates of Marine Corps Recruit Depot at Parris Island, South Carolina. I'd like a military funeral with a small detachment of Marines present to present the flag to my family members present. Also, Beaufort, SC, is only 35 miles from my home town of Savannah, GA., so that will mean that I am finally home.

Theo :bouquet:...via Blackberry. :)

[chai~]

I will bookmark myself here, and come back with my take on my "wrap party"!

What I DO know is this, donate everything that can help someone else out, eyes, heart, liver, etc.

As a non smoker, non drug user and non drinker, I have some pretty good spare parts for someone else to use!! If I do say so myself!!

Cremate the rest. I don't want $ wasted on a fancy wooden box, with a chunk of carved marble.

Sprinkle me in the sea, then I can travel the world and be everywhere!

If family and friends are worried about not having a grave site to go visit me at, then I suggest to them, light a delicious candle for me in their living room, and take a moment to just talk to me. If they wish they could take flowers to my grave, then please, buy the biggest bouquet, and enjoy them beside the candle. In your own home, share them with me, so they can enjoy them also.

I don't have a lot of "things" to leave behind. But let me think about it some more!

[Nat]

As posted elsewhere, after attending enough funerals, my biggest hope is that there will be no preachers at my funeral. A year and a half ago, a pagan friend of mine committed suicide, and his deeply Christian family felt it necessary to blame his religion for his death. Not only did they burn his altar items, but the preacher at his funeral told the crowd of mourners that he had prayed each of us live miserable lives until and only if we accepted Jesus Christ as our savior. I stood there between two atheist friends, myself a pagan, and throngs of his young friends who may or may not have been Christian. It sounded to my ears like a sinister curse.

And there was my limit with preachers at funerals. Maybe one day I will change my mind. I want to be buried somewhere neglected enough that perhaps someone can plant some white irises on my grave. Might be nice if someone could slip a few coins in my pocket before I go underground.

[Heavenleahangel]

Since I have diabetes, I have arranged for my body to be donated to research. All organs that are usable will be harvested and the rest goes to try and figure out what causes/cures diabetes.
I do request my family and friends (as few as there are) to have a celebration of my life and have a good old fashioned pig picking and cook out with my favorite foods!

[imperfect_cupcake]

the arrangement of my remains are for the living, not me. It's their way to deal with death so it's up to them. I would *prefer* if my brain was donated to neurological research and my body to where ever it's needed (even if it's just for medical students to cut up, wtf do I care, I'm dead, I'm not going to know fuck all)

However, if there is anyone that gives a toss when I cork it (parents might be dead, I won't have kids and I may not have a partner) and it matters to them, let them do what they like. Death arrangements are for the living to help them adjust and let go. So it's really for them to decide.

[CherylNYC]

I've told everyone and anyone who will listen that they should pull the plug if I can no longer ride my motorcycles. I want everything and anything on or in my body that's still useful to be harvested/recycled. I'm the long-term beneficiary of a cadaver ACL in my left knee, and I very much wish to return the favor. With interest.

I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes sprinkled off a motorcycle riding down the Blue Ridge Parkway. Then I want a memorial party. It doesn't have to be fancy, but I demand good, funny stories, and I want some pictures of me at every age to prod memories. If there's anyone still left alive to tell them, I want my friends to tell all their favourite tales about me, even the embarrassing ones, and I want everyone to laugh until their faces hurt.

[Cin]

I would like my body taken out in the middle of the ocean and dumped. But I have to accept that's not going to happen.

I am claustrophobic so as irrational as it seems I am freaked out at the thought of being buried. I'm not that fond of being closed up in a furnace either but I imagine that's fairly fast, at least compared to the length of time you can be stuck in a coffin after being buried. And after I am cremated I would appreciate someone taking me for a boat ride and dumping my ashes at sea. (and I mean dump, in reality there's way too much to toss just open the bag and dump it over the side) I don't want any kind of service at all. Nothing. No mourning type shit.

Before any of that I have no problem with being practice for medical students. Well not way before, I want to be dead first of course.

All this is dependent on if there is any one still around who gives a fat rat's ass about my death. If there is I think they will enjoy knowing they are saying good bye in the way I would have wanted.

If there isn't I really won't know what they do with me and I guess it doesn't matter. I know I won't have a clue after the lights go out. And I seriously don't give a crap about anything after I'm dead. Put me in a clown costume if you like. Except for the irrational fixation i have about not being closed up. I don't want to be locked up in a coffin or be uncollected ashes stored in a box on a shelf somewhere. I want to be set free.

[TIMBERWOLF]

I have my will made out and my son's have a copy of it. I am a organ donor and they can use what they can. Unfortunately I am on Dialysis so kidneys aren't good. My son knows that I want to be cremated after everything is done scattered over Big Bear Mountain in Calif. Due to my Native American beliefs all ashes will be scattered. All I have is left to my son's.

[Slowpurr]

There are companies that offer the service of making diamonds from the carbon in your hair or after cremation. This can be done while you are still alive or after death. A holographic picture or message can be engraved into the diamond. It can be set in the jewelry of your choice. This may be a tad morbid for some but for people that are leaving behind loved ones who are very sentimental this might be comforting.

[DapperButch]

I am an organ donor. After that I really don't care what happens. Whatever arrangements "they" want to make (mother, girlfriend), I don't care. I thought that was odd of me, but then I read HB's post and I feel better.

That is all. :byebye:

[imperfect_cupcake]

There are companies that offer the service of making diamonds from the carbon in your hair or after cremation. This can be done while you are still alive or after death. A holographic picture or message can be engraved into the diamond. It can be set in the jewelry of your choice. This may be a tad morbid for some but for people that are leaving behind loved ones who are very sentimental this might be comforting.

I would have loved to have this from my half brother zack. he was five years younger and we only shared one parent (my biomom) but he was physically and emotionally my twin. I had heard about it later but the cost was extortionate.

I know people that get some of the ashes tattooed into a piece of tattoo art. I think it's illegal, but ash is sterile when made and if kept properly it stays that way.

[girl_dee]

donate what you can, whoever wants my ashes can have em....

[Cin]

Oh and the death part, if it comes to a terminal lingering thing, no ventilator, no feeding tube. Do not resuscitate, do not attempt resuscitation, and my favorite, allow natural death.

[Martina]

I like studying rituals, but I hate, loathe and despise taking part in them. I arranged my father's funeral this summer and somehow made it a valuable experience for others. At least they said so. I am glad about that, but for me, it was misery times ten. Maybe for people with big extended families, it's not so arduous. But I couldn't believe I had to do a 180 and deal with all of that activity and socializing when I was in such deep shock. It's cruel, but I got through it. My mom got through it. But I hate funerals. I think they serve a purpose. But because I hate them so, I do not want one.

There is a Stephen Dunn poem I'd like my friends and loved ones to read on the occasion of my death. Maybe I'll leave a stack of letters for them with it inside.

Re the disposition of my body. I don't care. Cremation.

[PoeticSilence]

The wife and I did our five wishes as someone before me posted. We also have a living will. When it comes to it, she and I are absolutely polar opposites. She wants to donate and then be buried. I too want to donate, but I want to be cremated. I haven't tried hard to change her mind, but I intend to keep trying.
I want no funeral, no party, nothing. I want my children to be able to identify me if they feel they need to see, but otherwise, that's it.
My wife will see to distribution of my estate. It's a little touchy because we've been together for going on eight years, but my children, well, three of them have been in my life a lot longer.
I also put my daughter in charge of some of my financial crap because I think she will need to deal with something important because she's insecure. She's also worried her world will fall apart if I die, so I set aside something for her to do to tidy up things, to help her work through it.
I expect the wife to keep the house and the kids to stay here if they want. Her sons (my two youngest) are included. How she divides up the household things will be up to her, I expect the kids to take what they want, what means something to them. And of course I've some money put away for the kids each too. Legally mine or not.

That's all it is.
It's really simple. And the way things are going, I can expect my wife to get my social security when I die, which is important to me.
If my wife precedes me, everything will fall to my son to do what she was to do, and the house will be left for whichever kids want to live here, or they can sell it and split the profits.
We even have directives for our pets (mostly the parrots because they live eighty years or so).

Right now I'm working on a few things that I want each of the children to have, like a hope chest, but unlike a hope chest. Most of you have parents and siblings and relatives, but I have my children and my wife, and I want to leave them something remarkable that will resonate with each of them.

[TagHeuer_07]

I have experience NDE (Near Death Experience) twice, first it was stabbed by stranger and lost all my blood i dont remember much seen what happening but remember before i came out of coma saw tunnel with huge white flash etc,

2nd had serve asthma attack due stress i remember seeing tunnel with full of colours and saw many people i know and some dont know (might have met them before) it was full of speed in tunnel and saw the white then bright white it went silent and saw jesus for like few sec and flash lighting that bought me back alive again

If i die my heart will go to heart research for heart hospital, my lungs will go to asthma research but the rest im not sure what to do will have to think about it

i want cremation, before cremation i dont want flowers just gold coins to donation for heart and asthma research etc i want LGBT flag in service to remember that im proud of being LGBT no matter what i am as who i am, who i love, also i want bagpipe before service and after the service to play after the service wish friend and family and some people who have met me will go to service or german club to celebration of my life etc

My stuff (expensive one)some will given to who i trust and other stuff will go charity to give homeless people needs etc

[Electrocell]

My younger days I told my friends to bury me ass up ( so the world could kiss my ass) with a bottle of jack black in one hand and a joint in the other lol.

Now that I am older told my niece to cremate me ( cheaper on the family) and scatter my ashes wherever. Hopefully people will remember me as a kind and giving soul , also a good friend. Want to add my niece will get my life insurance to pay for the cremation.

[~baby~doll~]

Great topic. We have discussed this around here a number of times. It ii am ill terminally i want euthanasia at a celebration like in the movie Barbarian Invasions. i do not want to be in pain or so drugged i can't communicate. i want no procedures which would elongate the suffering for my partner or myself.
i want to be cremated as soon as possible thereafter.

i have a friend who says she would like to be cremated and put into bottles of Summer's Eve so she could spread herself around. Hmmmm

[Aud]

As someone with a serious heart condition, I've probably put in more than my fair share of time thinking about this topic/considering the options. And just when I think I'm certain I know what "my wishes" are, they change! :blink:

I do love this idea as a lasting memorial for a loved one though: http://www.lifegem.com/index.aspx?BType=YTxt&BAg=HCrem

As for my 'death preference', quite honestly, I wished to be drugged out of my gourd, feeling no pain, nor fear, if possible.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I am a complete atheist. I do not think there is anything at all after I die except the big switch off. My materials came from the stars and will return to them eventually, like everyone else.

Funerals are not for the dead but the living. Funerals help the community through ritual to come to terms with loss. I have no care whatsoever about what happens to my body. I'm dead, I sure as hell won't know. I am an organ doner but my organs won't be up to snuff to donation. I'm overweight and I smoked for many years and I've had a lot of stressors and medications. But maybe someone can use my eyes if I go young.

To save people money and to give science it's due, I keep meaning to donate my body to science. Maybe my brain can go in the brain bank and the rest can be a learning dissection or something. I have to admit part of me feels a bit squeamish, but since *I* am having the benifits of my medical profession by having access to a cadaver, it would be of benefit for me to do the same thing for others to learn and aide education and research and health professions. I love the thought of something of myself being burned and compressed and turned into a man made diamond to be worn by whomever. But I will be dead and ultimately I won't care.

However, the rituals of death are for the living. So if anyone living has any preference for me, if it matters to them, if *they* need a grave or a memorial site, or to spread my ashes, then that is their privilege. Do that. I'm dead, I won't care. Do what is important to you. I'm an atheist so I would hope the ceremony would reflect that, but if the person(s) need spiritual mention, it's their party and entirely up to them.

If there isn't anyone, then just donate my body and let others learn.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Let me preface my comment with a disclaimer. MY OPINION ONLY.

My physical body is a vessel, she gives form and shape and keeps my soul sheltered. I believe my energy has been here a few times before. Each time the wisdom garnered has lead me to this.

Not quite certain if I am done for now, or the universe has other plans. I accept whatever happens. Acceptance has been a valuable lesson for me this time around, hope to take this forward, or not.

My physical body is of little importance to me after her death. My spirit, all things physically intangible will persist.

As you believe it, so it is.

[Tuff Stuff]

I know it sounds morbid, but we are all facing eventual death. Sometimes we know it's coming and sometimes we don't. It's the one area where we have little control over when or where or how.

Today, it's on my mind. I'm not sure why, and I am. It's not coming from a morbid place. It's just that it's been on my mind lately. Maybe it was beautiful sweetcalico's clothes at the femme clothing swap and the feeling she is still with us, that her memory lives on among us. Due to a long break from the community, I wasn't aware she was sick. But she was one of my favorite posters on the dash site, and it was saddening to know she had passed over. But the clothing swap was beautiful and part of the reason for that was the passing on of her clothes to her sister femmes and the honoring of her spirit in that sweaty half-naked, warm frenzy.

And I've been thinking about the funerals and other memorials I've attended. I love cemeteries - especially the older ones.

So I guess this thread is a chance to think about what you'd like to leave behind, how you'd like your death handled, what you want to happen with your body, how you'd like to be remembered. Of course these ideas are like to change over the years. So, I will post my own thoughts later. Hopefully death is a long long way away for most of us, but I don't think it would be ad to have an idea in mind for the time when it comes. For those facing death at closer range, I assume you may have begun to think about these things more than those of us may have.

No matter what you think of death,its morbid just thinking about it.Yeah,it's there at times,somewhere in the back of my mind...of course right now its up front and center.
My lady worries more about it than me.My job sometimes requires I leave home and hit the roads around 1-3 am in the morning.The roads here are dark and winding and I have escaped a few catastrophes where I had to literally breath a loud sign of relieve that I had escaped death once again.

I have been up close and personal with death.I have seen people die right before my eyes.It doesn't scare me when i'm out there in the world.

Death will frighten me only when i'm like laying in bed at night and my mind is relaxed and I start thinking about people,friends,loved ones who have passed on and I start to let my mind wander about life and death.And its like, when I die that's it,life will be over...and I wonder if it will hurt to die..I mean,you stop breathing and that starts to scare me and I think of something else real quick.

Some tell me death is like birth,like the baby doesn't want to leave its mothers womb,its like people don't want to leave our mother earths womb.I mean what is really on the other side?..anywhere,that's probably another thread.

It's in my Will that I want to be cremated and taken to the family cemetery.That cemetery dates back to the late 1800's and I suppose i'll have plenty of family kin to hang around with...see I don't know..what happens after...and don't tell me it doesn't matter what happens after you are dead,because it dose..you leave behind family,some that will miss you.Btw,i'm not saying that to anyone here in particular.

My death,your death dose matter...I think i would not want to leave any heartbreaks and sorrows behind me..no funeral,plz.
If they must,write an obituary and put it in the paper..and talk about the good stuff,not so much of my passing.

[Ginger]

Anyone can be disinherited except a legal spouse.

If you and your partner aren't married, make sure you have a will so the biological family doesn't take what the remaining partner needs to live out her life in safety and dignity.