Anger and Gender Smashing

[Dario]

why do some women (not all!!!) when angry and/irrate, kick you is in your gender or your cock?
when that woman is not angry does/would her comments make you feel cockless does it make you feel incomplete?

and why would someone attack the very core of your struggle the core of your inner exsistance that could have taken yuo/someone years to become completely at peace with?

just wonderign if this has happened to anyone and if so, how does one heal from it?

[Corkey]

Don't know, perhaps some don't fight well. My gender isn't in the hands of another. Be who you are and don't allow others to define who you are.

ETA: Butches can be just as callous to Femmes.

[Dario]

agreed no one controls anothers gender!!!
i think i am more askning if you could ever unconditionally respect that person again and probalby asking why such low blows?

[Strappie]

agreed no one controls anothers gender!!!
i think i am more askning if you could ever unconditionally respect that person again and probalby asking why such low blows?


I would not respect that person any longer.. I may forgive them, but I will hold no respect for someone that "throws" things in your face on a daily/wkly basis. By the time it's all over and you break up, there is nothing left of your self. You feel belittled. Just be glad you are on the road to getting your self respect back!!

Good luck!

[DapperButch]

agreed no one controls anothers gender!!!
i think i am more askning if you could ever unconditionally respect that person again and probalby asking why such low blows?

There are some people who are willing to hit with low blows when they are angry. People fight with low blows when they really want to hurt someone.

Trust them again? Depends on the history of the person, who the person is, and the situation. Only you can answer that, I think.

[smouldering]

Hi Dario and welcome to the BFP!, I hope you don't mind a femme speaking up? I agree with Strappie, words can be just as hurtful and I too would have a hard time trusting or respecting anyone that every time you are in a fight or disagreement, they throw low blows such as attacking the person you are, That is emotional and verbally abusive and I am sorry to hear this is something you've had to experience.

[ButchEire]

This sums it up. If they are choosing to berate you when they are angry, it isn't about you, this is their "stuff." No excuses though, bad behavior is bad behavior.

why do some women (not all!!!) when angry and/irrate, kick you is in your gender or your cock?

[Dario]

i supose i have learned years ago, that no matter the situation, you never attack a persons physical or emotional arenas. i do not understand the concept of being callous to folks especially ones yuo love. no matter how intense the fight is, for me it is just wrong to try and purposefully inflict pain.

i welcome thoughts and replies from anyone, opinions are much welcomed and un=judged.

[Corkey]

agreed no one controls anothers gender!!!
i think i am more askning if you could ever unconditionally respect that person again and probalby asking why such low blows?

Respect is a two way street. Personally no, but then I'm not going to be around people who disrespect me in the first place.

[Strappie]

Respect is a two way street. Personally no, but then I'm not going to be around people who disrespect me in the first place.

Corkey,

I commend you for not being around ppl that treat you like this. But from my own past sometimes it's unavoidable. You date the person for a while then when you are IN it or INVESTED in the relationship their true colors SHINE bright. But not before they know we are invested. I personally think I'm a very good judge of character, sometimes those people are VERY good at hiding whom they really are till they have you sucked in.

In my opinion it is 100% Verbal Abuse! In Dario's case, it's verbal abuse!

[Dario]

Strappie:
the bait and switch is the absolute worst game ever. you are right they encapsulate you and once they lose a 'sense of emotional control' they turn complete opposite. unfortunately yuo are right the emotional invetsment on the unsuspecting person is too great to just walk away. then one day yuo have enough and the walls rise and whammo you are just as cold emotionally as they are.
not a trait i enjoy but when it comes to survival...what choice is left\?

[Corkey]

Corkey,

I commend you for not being around ppl that treat you like this. But from my own past sometimes it's unavoidable. You date the person for a while then when you are IN it or INVESTED in the relationship their true colors SHINE bright. But not before they know we are invested. I personally think I'm a very good judge of character, sometimes those people are VERY good at hiding whom they really are till they have you sucked in.

In my opinion it is 100% Verbal Abuse! In Dario's case, it's verbal abuse!

I did a lot of talking to the people I dated. I observed behavior prior to investing in a relationship. Yes, some can be devious, but that holds true for a lot of folks, not just the dating pool. My experiences will not be just like anyone else's, but they are indeed my experiences.

[always2late]

In my opinion, there is never a reason to so completely lose control that you verbally strike at the person where you know it will hurt the most. There is no excuse for it. And when that person is your partner, the one you trusted, let in, shared yourself with...and they use that knowledge and sharing to hurt you in fit of anger...that is particularly disgusting and very wrong.

[Dario]

corkey; some are just too professional at the bait and switch, as easy as breathing and as natural as food. almost as if the game itself is what pumps the blood!

[Strappie]

Strappie:
the bait and switch is the absolute worst game ever. you are right they encapsulate you and once they lose a 'sense of emotional control' they turn complete opposite. unfortunately yuo are right the emotional invetsment on the unsuspecting person is too great to just walk away. then one day yuo have enough and the walls rise and whammo you are just as cold emotionally as they are.
not a trait i enjoy but when it comes to survival...what choice is left\?

Dario,

All I can tell you is.. Pick yourself up (I know it's hard, because we beat ourselves up thinking it is our fault) but in time you will find yourself again and the bitterness and anger that you are feeling right now will slowly go away. You WILL regain yourself worth back and once again be yourself.

Good luck to you!!

[Corkey]

corkey; some are just too professional at the bait and switch, as easy as breathing and as natural as food. almost as if the game itself is what pumps the blood!

Oh I know, and they usually leave wreckage that is observable, especially in the internet age. Guard yourself until you know for sure who you are dealing with.
That piece of advice holds for anyone.

[Dario]

Strappie:

i am not bitter and not angry!!! i have moved on quite nicely actually. but they are questions i posed because fact is, i dont talk much personal stuff, and just wondreerd really how many have had tht experience!

[Daywalker]

First of all...Shame on those who aim for the belt of your soul.
:readfineprint:

I consider this type of exchange to be somewhat of a Mechanism check.

They are checking for your vulnerabilities.
However, in turn...you can measure your inner strengths.

Measure twice, cut once ~ as they say.

:coffee:


These are moments that build our Character.

They are also moments when we realize the rotten core of the Apples we
brought into our lives and set at our tables. Every so often, I find myself
having to re-assess my own collection of 'Apples'. Some are still as
shiny as the day I chose them. Some of them...not so much.
Some have yet to show me their Core.
:eyebrow:

It is up to me how I allow the rotten Cores to effect my Character.

:koolaid:

Remember the old grade school game '...Apple Core...who's yer friend?'
:thinking:

Someone would announce a name, and said Apple Core would
get launched at the persons name that was called out.

Learn to Duck quickly, my friend.

More importantly ~
Build upon that which others use to as weapons.

:peacelove:

ETA ~ I've had my share of folks who aimed at the length of my hair
in order to attempt a sideswipe at mah Butchness.

I thank them for assisting in building my Character as it is today.

:weedsmoke:

:daywalker:

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

In my opinion, there is never a reason to so completely lose control that you verbally strike at the person where you know it will hurt the most. There is no excuse for it. And when that person is your partner, the one you trusted, let in, shared yourself with...and they use that knowledge and sharing to hurt you in fit of anger...that is particularly disgusting and very wrong.

Been there, had it done to me. You are right, there is NO excuse for this type of behavior.
I always thought I could trust my inner instinct, my gut, as to whether someone was "safe" or not. I operated for alot of my life like that. Then I seemed to get into a series of relationships that started out all wonderful, then became inexplicitely abusive, mentally, verbally and emotionally.
I am gun-shy now? Yeah, kinda. Will I keep at least a part of me either behind that wall, or at the very least have my "bricks and mortar" ready to throw up fast? Yeah, probably.

Do I hate hate hate being like this? Yes! I am not a Pollyanna in any way, but I AM a believer in the good of most people, and I certainly am a believer in love, and want that again in my life.

[Apocalipstic]

Sorry that happened to you. Sometimes when people are hurt and angry they strike out blindly at your most vulnerable places. I dont know if they mean it or not or if you should forgive....but I think you have to look at the whole situation and make sure you were not doing any button pushing and escalating the situation.

[Cin]

I think vulnerability is part of the nature of intimate relationships or at least it should be. We let our guards down. We show our weaknesses. This is where trust comes in. You have to believe the other person, the person you love, won’t intentionally hurt you or at least not badly. But hurtful words can be spoken in anger. And when it comes to our partners, we are often more aware of where their buttons are located than even they are. It is a testament of our love, how little we push them, even when we are angry. But sometimes it happens. We push the buttons of the ones we love. We strike out and hit soft underbelly.

When we feel a partner crosses a line we are outraged, we feel betrayed, we can’t believe they used information they could only have obtained through love to hurt us, to cause pain. We forget that they have buttons as well, they also expose soft underbelly. Once we are hurt we forget to wonder if we also pushed a button, maybe tore a piece of exposed flesh. Love doesn’t make people into saints. It often makes people insecure and frightened especially considering all the exposed buttons and soft underbelly being flashed about.

Sometimes a person is unable to get their needs met in a relationship. Sometimes they are incapable of figuring out how to ask for what they need. Sometimes the other person is not able to give you what you need. Sometimes nobody is getting what they need but nobody is walking away either. Only pain comes out of that in the end. Sometimes we stay too long waiting for a change that will never happen.

One of the most difficult things that can happen in a relationship is when we lose our voices. We are unable to explain why we are hurt, what the loved one did that caused the pain and instead we bare our teeth and lash out. Anger is usually the easiest emotion to identify and to share. It risks the least. But the reward matches the risk and is relatively non existent.

I guess I am trying to say there are lots of ways relationships fail. But hopefully when the dust settles we are able to understand that it wasn’t about good guys and bad guys. Sometimes things are just better off over.

However if someone is using the knowledge obtained through intimacy as a weapon to inflict pain and cause damage and/or to belittle and cause doubt in areas of self esteem and self worth then that is not love, at least no definition of love that has any meaning. Our only recourse when confronted with that kind of disturbed individual is to walk away. And make sure to take the time needed to heal before getting involved with anyone else.

[DomnNC]

Sorry you had to go thru that Dario. Striking at my core being is a complete deal breaker for me, whether it is someone I may be dating, involved with or just a friend with. Do it and you're history, I have no need to surround myself with such negative little people.

[persiphone]

Don't know, perhaps some don't fight well. My gender isn't in the hands of another. Be who you are and don't allow others to define who you are.

ETA: Butches can be just as callous to Femmes.



omg yes! that just happened to me! it's very confusing, too. because how can they possibly say something like that when they proclaim to love you? it's like a crocodile trying to convince me it's a koala. i just don't get it. and forget the pain of it....it's just not logical to me. :seeingstars:

[persiphone]

Hi Dario and welcome to the BFP!, I hope you don't mind a femme speaking up? I agree with Strappie, words can be just as hurtful and I too would have a hard time trusting or respecting anyone that every time you are in a fight or disagreement, they throw low blows such as attacking the person you are, That is emotional and verbally abusive and I am sorry to hear this is something you've had to experience.


i agree. a person that resorts to character assassination is not worth contemplation, much less anything else.

[Dario]

i totally understand vulnerabilities, i understand anger and rage, i understnd most emotions....what i do not undertsand is the intention with which people attack. when you proclaim love whether it be a relationship, friendship or companionshp you have entered in to an 'emotional contract of trust and respect'. anger at any of its hieghts for me, has never resulted in such distainful words with intention of destruction.

in so far as how you can hurt a person, that is not in question for me we all know the answer.... but how you can one look yourself in the mirror after attemting to 'murder' someone emotionally, is the question do you see a monster? do you see pain? do you see a lack of respect?

if i say something truely horrible to someone i carefor, it takes me months to live with myself. so now, no matter how angry or enraged i am, i stay mindful of potential pains i can cause, they can last a lifetime!
i fight fairly i expect that from soemone i have allowed in my life.

[Outlaw]

why do some women (not all!!!) when angry and/irrate, kick you is in your gender or your cock?

Are we speaking to a literal or figurative cock kick?

Did she hurt your feelings or physically pain you?

I would like to comment, but before I do, I would like to be sure what's going on.

Thank you!

[Dario]

outlaw;

i am not talking abuot me persé and it is figurative. because if it were physical abuse than i would have no questions.

i was in a club a few weeks ago (with some friends) and while out for a cig, we heard a couple fighting, it was pretty harsh! the femme said some rather incidious things to the butch and all i could say to my self was OUCH! (granted i have no idea what the butch had said previously nor was i present for anything other than the screaming)

hearing the femme attack her partners gender and make cockless comments reminded me of how my ex used to attack me, it snapped my brain into a spiral of question. so i was wondering how some butches & femmes cope with this type of anger adn how one heals from such emotionally 'murdering' and verbal attacks!

[Corkey]

Dario, if someone were that hell bent on trying to destroy my image of myself, and yes it's been tried, I am old and mature enough to just say NO. No one gets to tell me who I am. Period. If they do use that age old "cockless" I just remind them Mine are interchangeable. Usually shuts them up.
Do not allow anyone to tell you who you are! You as a Human Being have that right, no one else. Seems to me, and this is just an observation and not a condemnation, you may want to find a new set of folks to hang out with.

Forgot to say welcome to the Planet, where we really don't care how you identify as long as you are respectful to the myriad of personalities who are here. Yea for diversity!. :)