Looking to explore dominant side

[Morgan]

I am looking to explore the dominant side of my personality. Is there anyone who can give me tips, advice or suggestions. Please contact me here or PM me. I realize there is a lot of information on the internet, however I would like to gain insight from people on the Planet, as I think highly of the opinions here.

[DamonK]

Might wanna start by asking questions... Just a thought.

[tapu]

Damon's right in that this is an awfully rich and complex topic so it might work better if you give some direction toward aspects you're interested in.

A thought about domination, or style of domination, occurred to me quite recently: my dominant role in a relationship is not about fear. It's about trust. I want to assert myself quietly and with calm authority to build trust in my sub. The idea is to make sure she feels like anything I want her to do is safe to do, and that I do it out of love and to give her the opportunity to please me. I am in control and thinking about both our roles in everything we do. She can give over her trust to me.

Works pretty good.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I am looking to explore the dominant side of my personality. Is there anyone who can give me tips, advice or suggestions. Please contact me here or PM me. I realize there is a lot of information on the internet, however I would like to gain insight from people on the Planet, as I think highly of the opinions here.



You could try going to munches in your area and ask around to see if anyone is doing Mentoring.. Try leather bars make some guy friends and see if they will sponsor you into their fold and get Mentoring from them.

[tapu]

Then if they steer you toward Remedial Mentoring, you'll know it's just not for you. >:-P

[Incubus]

Google is your friend. There is a wealth of information and resources out there. Check out Amazon. Check out your local fet/kink/leather scene.

Be proactive in other words.

Those are my handy hints and tips.

Then, when you know what you want to ask, come back and ask the questions.

[Toughy]

you might pick up a book called The Loving Dominant by John Warren. His website: www.lovingdominant.org

there is also www.fetlife.com

another book is Sm 101 A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

find classes and presentations in your area and also munches (meaning social gatherings usually over food)

[LaneyDoll]

another book is Sm 101 A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Jay Wiseman is awesome! Great resource, well-known and still down to Earth. He blushes when he pays you a compliment and I think that is sweet.

:sparklyheart:

[Incubus]

Jay Wiseman is ace, as is the John Warren book. Also up for consideration have to be Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton's Topping and Bottoming books. Excellent books.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I've been thinking about your question A LOT Morgan, I'd like to ask what exactly are you wanting. to explore? I ask this because I'm Dominant period, so therefore as long as I can remember I've been exercising that and being that because it's what I am...

Are you just discovering this about yourself? Have you always been dominant or is this a new part you've recently discovered about yourself?

[Sachita]

There are so many aspects to a dominant nature and then there is an evolution where it becomes more clearly defined. The first step is deciding if it's purely just a sexual fantasy or if you feel that its part of your nature and you'd like to integrate it into your already existing lifestyle. The desire to project dominance might have elements of BDSM (bondage, role-play, etc) or it could just be an ongoing dynamic you seek. Some people that are naturally dominant enjoy the projection of that space so much that they look for ways to bring it into their relationships beyond a single sex session.

having said that- there are so many books and some good information on the web. Start reading and discussing it. After some time you'll begin having some Aha moments.

Good luck to you. Please post questions here. I'm sure you'll learn a lot.,

[StrongButch]

I would find a mentor A person you can trust and talk to openly to guide you Books and attending workshops help as well Good luck in your journey

[DeviantDaddy]

Morgan I would have to second Snow's suggestion about searching your area for local munches. Although the internet offers an immense amount of readings, it is quite different in terms of day to day life. Do not get me wrong, literature is incredibly beneficial. I enjoy reading many books pertaining to the lifestyle.

But there really are certain things that I would suggest addressing as you begin your venture down this path. First and foremost, is why choose to go down this path to begin with. Secondly, are you curious about it as a "kink" or as a means of understanding more about yourself and the Dominant that resides within.

When I began my journey into the lifestyle it was because something deep inside me was drawn to the dynamic of such relationships. The Dominant in me isn't something I can switch on and off, it is simply part of my very fiber. It isn't something that strictly adheres to the bedroom, it spills over to every facet of my life because it is who I am. And many like me, share that same sentiment.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who can turn it on and off. Meaning, strictly in the bedroom/scene. If that is the case then it can help guide you in a different direction. I say that because perhaps you would be more interested in learning the codes, structure, techniques, etiquette, etc that are involved in scenes. Whereas for me, and others, it is more than just a scene but about soul searching and truly coming into yourself.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

I agree with what has been shared before regarding attending Munches, getting a Mentor to work with, and reading some of the great books that have been listed already. To those, I would also add "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns". It is a very user-friendly how-and-why-to manual, IMO. I also really agree with the idea of attending munches, but know that most are at best pansexual. (nothing wrong with that at all, in fact I started and ran one of the largest munches in the Southeast for years, and it was pansexual.) I recently attended a munch here in Conway AR, and I felt really outnumbered. I was the only gay there, and the only Female Top. So I just amused myself by "toying" with a couple of the young college boys. hehe

I also wanted to touch upon something else someone said, in needing to find what it is you are looking for, is it bedroom only dominance, or more. I personally am a switch, and enjoy and celebrate both "voices" in me. Whether that means I "switch my dominance on and off" or not, is really not an issue to ME. I personally prefer to exercise either my dominance or my (occasional) submission during scenes. I am WAY too independent in my everyday life to be submissive 24/7 (I have enormous respect for those that can, I just know me and know I can't), and the idea of expressing my dominant side 24/7 does not appeal to me either. I personally already have too many responsibilities in my vanilla life to want to add a huge amount elsewhere. But that is just me.

Also, to touch on what you might read and how you might translate that to YOUR "real life", that actually has come up in my life recently. The butch in my life and I are beginning to explore that part of our life together, the BDSM scenes. She has read a great deal of erotica, i think, and really had quite a set view on what a Dominant Female "looks and acts like". Yeah, you get that a lot in erotica. My "style" of dominating is different from a lot of what she had read though. My style works for ME. I think it works quite well, for me, and has for most of the partners I have been with. It would not work for all, just as the style of submission on all would work for me either. Make sense? Bottom line is, IMO, keep an open mind. Find what works for YOU and YOUR dominant voice inside.

(and yeah, my new butch has the makings of a GREAT Top for me too, and allows my masochist to come out and PLAAAAAAAYYY to her hearts' content!)

Have fun!!