Big Girl Love

[IrishGrrl]

This thread is hereby dedicated to all the big girls!!

Post your love and appreciation for the big girls!!!


Let the party begin!!

[Mitmo01]

damn i love all shapes and sizes but i prefer large

[NotAnAverageGuy]

MMMM yummy big women

[Andrew, Jr.]

I like it when a woman isn't afraid to eat in front of me. Or isn't afraid to cook, or bake, or do whatever she wants in front of the stove, oven, microwave, stirfryer, and so on and on. :chef:

I like a woman with curves. It makes life so much more enjoyable. :bouquet:

[IrishGrrl]

Andrew,
I know you didnt mean anything by it..but when you talk about big girls and food.(it's not just you..alot of ppl do it) it feels gross. Like that's all I'm about as a big girl. Like that's all I'm capable of..eating or cooking. Dispite being a big girl, I dont eat constantly..and I dont often eat large portions.

This wasnt meant in an unkind way..just voicing what I feel on something that always seems to happen..

xoxo

Irish

[Selenay]

Fat bottom girls, you make the rockin world go round.

[Pixie]

I like surprising people... Watching their jaws drop when they become aware of their obvious underestimation of my mad skills. lol.

[Andrew, Jr.]

IrishGirrl, :bunchflowers:

I am sorry. I did not mean for my post to sound like you said it did. I just sent you an apology via a pm. I am a big guy, and I know how awkward it is for big folks to feel comfi to eat in front of other ppl, or to have the looks and stairs, etc. Just know that I understand totally. I was not being evil or nasty. Seriously, I prefer women who are big.

I feel like an ass.

[IrishGrrl]

I know you didnt mean it that way at all.

XOXOXO

Big girl love!

[Apocalipstic]

IrishGirrl, :bunchflowers:

I am sorry. I did not mean for my post to sound like you said it did. I just sent you an apology via a pm. I am a big guy, and I know how awkward it is for big folks to feel comfi to eat in front of other ppl, or to have the looks and stairs, etc. Just know that I understand totally. I was not being evil or nasty. Seriously, I prefer women who are big.

I feel like an ass.



Don't feel like an ass.

I do eat a lot, but I like to have Butches (or anyone who wants to)cook for me. :wink:

No one thought you were trying to be mean, food can be a touchy subject. :)

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Yes food is a touchy subject with some, other assume us big people eat all the time, that we are nasty, etc. That is not true, there are other issues with some others out there that it has nothing to do with food... aka metabolism or thyroid disease.


NOW on a better note, you haven't had your world rocked till a big girl rocks your world.

[atomiczombie]

I :drool: over curvy women. :cheesy:

[NotAnAverageGuy]

I :drool: over curvy women. :cheesy:


^5 Buddy!!!

[Diva]

I absolutely adore the description of Rubenesque....

I believe it was Sir Peter Paul Rubens ~ Baroque artist (1600's) ~ who painted amazing, rich~bodied women in the nude......they are amazing to behold.


<slow smile>

[Stoney]

I like it when a woman isn't afraid to eat in front of me. Or isn't afraid to cook, or bake, or do whatever she wants in front of the stove, oven, microwave, stirfryer, and so on and on. :chef:

I like a woman with curves. It makes life so much more enjoyable. :bouquet:


.........have mercy.......

I dont , I cant, I better not, okay I wont; write my opinion on this post.





( btw... is my BBW lovin, feminist slip showing???)

:confused::confused:

[Diva]

A wonderful example of Sir Rubens:

http://i315.photobucket.com/albums/ll461/nettaboo81/423px-Peter_Paul_Rubens_034.jpg

[Scorp]

One word: VOLUPTUOUS :rose:

[Diva]

That's a good word, too.....

[Pixie]

I heard a girl use buxom before to describe herself....

[Inuus]

Gotta love BBW. I love the curves of a plus sized woman :canadian:

[NotAnAverageGuy]

I absolutely adore the description of Rubenesque....

I believe it was Sir Peter Paul Rubens ~ Baroque artist (1600's) ~ who painted amazing, rich~bodied women in the nude......they are amazing to behold.


<slow smile>


I love that word, its resonates SEXiness:tease:

[FR]

i like big butts can spank with a spatula--hehe


:spank:

[NotAnAverageGuy]

i like big butts can spank with a spatula--hehe


:spank:

aHAHAHAHA i just like big booties that i can hold in my hands and squeeze

is it me or is gettin a lil hot in here?

[Just_G]

I have enough love for all the girls...not just big girls, but girls that are little, tall, short, skinny, chubby.....you name it! :tongue:

[IrishGrrl]

Whoot for big girl love!!!

I am..

thick

curvy

velvet soft

beautiful

sexy!!

:kissy:

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Whoot for big girl love!!!

I am..

thick

curvy

velvet soft

beautiful

sexy!!

:kissy:

U are? say it aint so?;):cheer::freak:

[nycfem]

The thicker the cushion, the better the pushin' ;)

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Sorry I was MIA for a couple of days

So sending some love to the ladies

[Andrew, Jr.]

I love all BBW! I hope everyone is doing well.

[Jet]

Beautiful is beautiful regardless of size.
These are from the "size issue" of V Magazine with
Gaboury Sidibe from Precious on the front cover.
I think these are stunning.
So I wanted to share.....

http://i489.photobucket.com/albums/rr257/lionoflionsman/Picture4.png

http://i489.photobucket.com/albums/rr257/lionoflionsman/Picture3.png

[WolfyOne]

My dad used to say while I was growing up, there's two types of women in this world. Those built for speed and those built for comfort. Wasn't until I grew up and started looking at all women that I understood what he meant.

I've dated and or lived with women of all shapes and sizes. I adore all of them, but my preference is one with curves and meat on her bones. BBW, ya'll wear it well and don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

[Jet]

My dad used to say while I was growing up, there's two types of women in this world. Those built for speed and those built for comfort. Wasn't until I grew up and started looking at all women that I understood what he meant.

I've dated and or lived with women of all shapes and sizes. I adore all of them, but my preference is one with curves and meat on her bones. BBW, ya'll wear it well and don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

:goodpost:

[HeartBreak Kid]

Question;
What is the definition of "big girl"? Is it subjective and open to interpretation, or is there a size height requirement?
I had a person I was dating call me "chubby" once...:eek:
we never dated again.....
he meant it as a comliment but I feel like being called a "big Girl" somehow negatively compares me to a skinny girl...
Now I know I have my own issues and demons surrounding weight sexiness and feelings of self worth..and because of that being reffered to as a "big Girl" weirds me out...
For all of you who appreciate and love us curvacious delicious women I say....Thank you...(you have excellent taste)

[apretty]

My dad used to say while I was growing up, there's two types of women in this world. Those built for speed and those built for comfort. Wasn't until I grew up and started looking at all women that I understood what he meant.


i know you mean well but my big-girl-self was built for speed (i'm fast walking, talking and driving) *and* keeping a butch uncomfortable (as much as he allows, anyway) is all part of my irresistible charm.

the ladies do not want to be compared with minivans and laz-e-boy recliners, no disrespect to your father--it's just no compliment to group us all together as if size = sugar and spice.

[betenoire]

Dude, I am all for a discussion about fat-positivity. But I'm a wee smidgen wary since "Go BBW" threads always end up with at least one asshat mentioning how they are afraid that they would crush, break, bruise, blah blah blah a skinny girl.

Colour me a pessimist, colour me a realist, just don't colour me yellow cuz I look like shit in that shade...but I figured I'd toss in a quick little "don't go there" before somebody, you know, goes there.

Sexy is sexy regardless of size. Sexy, my darlings, is in the walk, the talk, the glance and the glare. It's in the level of confidence and how you work with what your DNA tossed atcha. Dig?

[hippieflowergirl]

succulent


it just drips sin, dont it?

[hippieflowergirl]

succulent


it just drips sin, dont it?


and for clarification...because someone asked...i heard a friend use this word to describe a beautiful round woman hy wanted to date...and it's been my favorite sexy chick word ever since....


bettah?

[KayCee]

Sexy is sexy regardless of size. Sexy, my darlings, is in the walk, the talk, the glance and the glare. It's in the level of confidence and how you work with what your DNA tossed atcha. Dig?

yes, that's how it should be...although I personally do not prefer..WAAAY TOO MUCH! THAT turns me off..either way.

[Inuus]

Sure I think the word is subjective and is open for interpretation. I dont think at all it has any requirements. Its all about what you are into and what your minds eye sees.
I have always been attracted to BBW. Ive never dated a woman that was what society deems thin. I dont have a set "size" within the BBW spectrum. Its all good to me. I have dated slightly plus size to alot bigger so to me there really isnt a set size although I wont lie Im sure there is a limit in size for me some place. I just have never reached that I guess :eyebrow:

Question;
What is the definition of "big girl"? Is it subjective and open to interpretation, or is there a size height requirement?
I had a person I was dating call me "chubby" once...:eek:
we never dated again.....
he meant it as a comliment but I feel like being called a "big Girl" somehow negatively compares me to a skinny girl...
Now I know I have my own issues and demons surrounding weight sexiness and feelings of self worth..and because of that being reffered to as a "big Girl" weirds me out...
For all of you who appreciate and love us curvacious delicious women I say....Thank you...(you have excellent taste)

[apretty]

yes, that's how it should be...although I personally do not prefer..WAAAY TOO MUCH! THAT turns me off..either way.

making a statement like, "WAAAY TOO MUCH! THAT turns me off." reads as though you're speaking of being 'turned off' by fat, in the BIG GIRL thread--i know i'm wrong and i eagerly await clarification.

[KayCee]

apretty, you are setting the equality BIG GIRL with being fat!..I'm talking about my personal opinion, my personal preferences, the woman I choose to be with or not. Isn't it what this thread is about? Did I miss something?

[WolfyOne]

i know you mean well but my big-girl-self was built for speed (i'm fast walking, talking and driving) *and* keeping a butch uncomfortable (as much as he allows, anyway) is all part of my irresistible charm.

the ladies do not want to be compared with minivans and laz-e-boy recliners, no disrespect to your father--it's just no compliment to group us all together as if size = sugar and spice.


Perhaps you read it differently than the way it was meant and no disrespect to you. I'm not going to get into a pissing match with anyone in here. It's great YOUR big girl self is built any way that you choose. I prefer a woman not make me uncomfortable no matter where I should be with her.

Oh and maybe YOUR comparison is as YOU say, but don't put those words in my mouth. I would never disrespect any woman intentionally.

[Sachita]

Question;
What is the definition of "big girl"? Is it subjective and open to interpretation, or is there a size height requirement?
I had a person I was dating call me "chubby" once...:eek:
we never dated again.....
he meant it as a comliment but I feel like being called a "big Girl" somehow negatively compares me to a skinny girl...
Now I know I have my own issues and demons surrounding weight sexiness and feelings of self worth..and because of that being reffered to as a "big Girl" weirds me out...
For all of you who appreciate and love us curvacious delicious women I say....Thank you...(you have excellent taste)

I know what you mean and I don't want to be defined unless you want to call me sexy, gorgeous and the like. lol
I try not to get caught up in words and old baggage but I admit that I still do. I'm a size 16, tall and really curvy. I'm healthy and truth is I can run circles around most women. I struggle with feelings of not being good enough. Always having to check myself when it comes to diet and weight issues. I focus on the quality of my life and eating things that are healthy & conscious when it comes to the earth.
But I've been in love a few times and each time it ended because of someone else. This, of course brings back the old feelings and I find myself hiding, protecting myself even if find it silly.

At the same time I find that I am attracted to healthy people. If they are a little larger thats cool but I have a hard time being with someone that abuses their body and isn't conscious. For me its a matter of self respect. It's not about the size.

Let me shed more light before I get flamed here...lol

I casually dated someone years ago that was maybe 50 pounds overweight. I was ok with that but I wasn't ok with his overall lifestyle and how we'd take walks and within 5 min he was out of breath. He ate awful and to be honest I thought he'd have serious health issues. I suggested we "get healthy" together. Again its not about size. Even at my size I feel better 20 lbs lighter. He complained about his back, knees, etc. Ok, lets make a plan and lets do something about it. He was no ok with this. In fact he sabotaged my attempts and ultimately the relationship fell apart.

In the past few months I've dropped weight just from eating healthy and feeding my spirit. I'm not focused on diet or weight. My focus is on healing my body and living healthy for another 50 years. I want to be that 80 year old woman ziplining through a jungle or riding a horse. I might still have a big round ass but my heart will be healthy and I'll be full of fire.

[apretty]

christ on sale.

[apretty]

apretty, you are setting the equality BIG GIRL with being fat!..I'm talking about my personal opinion, my personal preferences, the woman I choose to be with or not. Isn't it what this thread is about? Did I miss something?

you missed a lot. first, i don't even know what this means: you are setting the equality BIG GIRL with being fat!

if you mean to say you're using the terms, BIG GIRL and FAT interchangeably, without shame, judgment, or apology--then you'd be correct. if you'd like to explore that *concept* with me, just ask.

seems to me that the thread is in support/favor/admiration of BIG FAT SEXY WOMEN. not what YOUR preferences are, personal or otherwise. take that to your own thread on 'kat6071's Personal Size Preferences: WAAAY TOO MUCH' and detail your desire 'till your heart's content.



If they are a little larger thats cool but I have a hard time being with someone that abuses their body and isn't conscious. For me its a matter of self respect. It's not about the size.




that's pretty much the grossest statement i've read in a long time, and i read some gross stuff, like Chuck Palahniuk-level-gross.

that said, perhaps you might want to consider your own thread entitled, 'A Little Larger Thats Cool' but this simply isn't the place to detail what you personally equate with health in relation to size/fat.

and about the 'conscious' and the 'respect' as if "big girls" are losing consciousness and eating in a disrespecting, self-induced caloric stupor. i mean really--this is so not what this thread was intended for (i feel safe in saying).

[Sachita]

you missed a lot. first, i don't even know what this means: you are setting the equality BIG GIRL with being fat!

if you mean to say you're using the terms, BIG GIRL and FAT interchangeably, without shame, judgment, or apology--then you'd be correct. if you'd like to explore that *concept* with me, just ask.

seems to me that the thread is in support/favor/admiration of BIG FAT SEXY WOMEN. not what YOUR preferences are, personal or otherwise. take that to your own thread on 'kat6071's Personal Size Preferences: WAAAY TOO MUCH' and detail your desire 'till your heart's content.






that's pretty much the grossest statement i've read in a long time, and i read some gross stuff, like Chuck Palahniuk-level-gross.

that said, perhaps you might want to consider your own thread entitled, 'A Little Larger Thats Cool' but this simply isn't the place to detail what you personally equate with health in relation to size/fat.

and about the 'conscious' and the 'respect' as if "big girls" are losing consciousness and eating in a disrespecting, self-induced caloric stupor. i mean really--this is so not what this thread was intended for (i feel safe in saying).


wow I'm sorry grossed you out. You certainly do have an agenda and like to read into things. Thats cool. I'm not interested in drama.

I do however want to feel comfortable to state my opinions and dont want to feel like I have to walk on egg shells to try and explain myself.

[apretty]

wow I'm sorry grossed you out. You certainly do have an agenda and like to read into things. Thats cool. I'm not interested in drama.

I do however want to feel comfortable to state my opinions and dont want to feel like I have to walk on egg shells to try and explain myself.

what agenda? that it's not okay to post your *negative opinions* on size in the thread titled, BIG GIRL LOVE? please, tell me how that's me furthering a personal agenda.

i only wish that you'd read *any* of what i'd posted and it made a difference, instead of getting personal, implying that we've ever had any kind of exchange before this, *ever*--taking the focus of your insensitive and misguided statements and making this about you and i (it's not).

[betenoire]

Wow. Are you people serious? The thread starts off celebrating fat bodies and now it's turned into an extravaganza of "a little fat is okay, but too fat is gross and turns me off!"

Maybe you people want to take your comments off of the "Big Girl Love" thread and create your own "Medium Sized Girl who is maybe 10 lbs over what her doctor would like her to be but no more than that because more than that is gross" thread.

Just sayin'

[Leigh]

I've always been a big guy, and no matter what I will always love bigger women :heartbeat:

[Sachita]

Wow. Are you people serious? The thread starts off celebrating fat bodies and now it's turned into an extravaganza of "a little fat is okay, but too fat is gross and turns me off!"

Maybe you people want to take your comments off of the "Big Girl Love" thread and create your own "Medium Sized Girl who is maybe 10 lbs over what her doctor would like her to be but no more than that because more than that is gross" thread.

Just sayin'

You're right. You damn sure are.

But you know it goes... a thread is often discussion and everyone has an agenda, opinion and before you know it it can go completely off topic. lol

I'm sorry I did this. I guess i had a point and opinion. Its not about size.

[betenoire]

For me, I find that comments about health as it relates to fat....obnoxious. And comments about food as it relates to fat...equally obnoxious.

Your ex, if he was as unhealthy as you said he was, would have been equally unhealthy if he had a 26 inch waist. I'm willing to bet on that. Shitty lifestyle is shitty lifestyle no matter what size that lifestyle is packaged in. But this thread is -not- about shitty lifestyles, is it?

Pretending like there is no such thing as a healthy person in a size 18 dress is like pretending that there is no such thing as an unhealthy person in a size 8 dress. You're equating health and lifestyle with size - which is what got peoples hackles up. And it's also pretty inaccurate.

[betenoire]

I guess my eyes started glazing over when the photos from V-mag were posted.
Kinda reminds me of my feelings around when I discovered Lane Bryant, a clothing store solely for large women, ONLY uses models from size 12-16.
So, size 18-28 is erased, really?

:angry:

Yeah, I was confused. I kept thinking "but the women in those two pictures aren't fat". I don't understand.

It's a little stressful to think of Lane Bryant only using models from sizes 12-16 - since I am willing to bet that NO people who wear those sizes shop at Lane Bryant. They don't have to. So why would they?

[Leigh]

It blows My mind to think that they are only using sizes 12-16, like a BBW woman is only those sizes ............ what about other women out there who are over size 16? dont they matter too?

Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Medusa]

FWIW: I weigh 290 pounds. Jack weighs 125. (and this is purely for illustrative measure since I dont generally get hung up on numbers)

ALL of my levels are lower than Jacks. My cholesterol, sugars, blood pressure. ALL of it.

I can also walk circles around her. (think: 8-hour shopping trips and endless circling of malls and antique stores).

As a fat person, I am not a gelatinous Jabba-the-hut-inous mass of blubbering, chicken-consuming, gorging, rolling, shaking food-gobbling machine. Im also not one of those cartoonish beings from the movie "Up", where I have gotten so fat that I must ride around in a chair all day slurping milkshakes and having robots help me upright myself.

I also dont wipe my ass with a stick.

I also can have sex in every position that thin people can.

I also do not have hidden peanut butter sandwiches in my fat rolls.

I also do not stink.

I also am not lazy.

I also am not stupid.

I also dress really nice.

I also am not "jolly" all the time.

I also can tie my own shoes.

And lastly, Im not really all that unhealthy. (the caveat being that I sometimes dont have good boundaries with toxic folks ....but that really has nothing to do with physical health)

I think that where I personally check-out on the fat=unhealthy thing is that we are spoon-fed this shit as women from day one. That fat=undesireable, unhealthy, unsexy. The diet industry makes millions off of this shit, and hence the world is full of women who are a size 2 who puke their lunches up every day, women who hate their bodies because someone ELSE told them to, women who think that because they are a size 20, they must give up their sex-life, become a matronly, warbling blob of goo and women who spend their lives in a vicious self-hating "chasing that thinner body" cycle.

The moral of the story is that I refuse to spend one damn minute hating this body. Its where I LIVE and LOVE, for fucks sake. My earth suit is what gets me through this world. Its sexy. My partner thinks its sexy.
I love myself. I love my body.
I have to put on a giant set of "la la la" earphones when the world starts listing reasons why I dont have the right to feel good in my own skin.
To that, I say a big "fuck you and pass the fucking (grilled) chicken."

[Leigh]

All I can say to you Medusa is .............. you go girl :thumbsup:


:clap:

[betenoire]

Medusa is one of the foxiest women I know. Just so we're all clear on that.

[SassyLeo]

I spent many years not be happy in my own skin. Diets, over eating, under eating, diet pills...years and years. 5 or 6 years ago I decided that hating my body was not making anyone happy. Myself, my friends, my family, my partners.

I don't know how much I weigh currently, but it varies between 250 and 270, depending time of year, health, etc. I'm mostly a size 18-20-22.

There is a history of heart disease, arthritis, diabetes, alcoholism, etc. in my family, so these are reasons that about a year and half ago, I started working out regularly with a trainer. It was NOT about losing weight or focusing on trying to be thin. FOR ME it was another step in learning how to love myself, my body, my health. I also sometimes do Yoga and try to take long walks regularly.

There was no exact moment when the flip switched (a few things happened all at once), but I feel pretty grateful that I got a few signals because I am SO much happier in my world and I think others around me are too :) I started to focus on the positives, surround myself with like-minded people and learning to celebrate me, fully, in whatever size I am.

I'm still the same size. I'm still hot. Sexy. Beautiful. I'm still fat.

[HeartBreak Kid]

OOOOH....I love an interesting lively debate....mmm hmm...
So much transpired in such a short period of time and I dont know how to quote multiple users from multiple threads....(if its even possible)
It Begins......
APretty-the ladies do not want to be compared with minivans and laz-e-boy recliners, no disrespect to your father--it's just no compliment to group us all together as if size = sugar and spice.
I wholeheartedly agree...while it has become a "pop culture" trend to use this phrase as a way to celebrate Women who are not what "society" deems as "Skinny", I feel that the unattractive comparison still reinforces the stereotype that skinny women are the fun wild loose Race car, and Curvaceous woman are the old reliable "safe" Mini-Van......
I completely understand that it isnt meant to be interpreted that way, and i am reading more into to be a bitch. Instead I am highlighting why sometimes we Unconsciously fall into traps we thought we were surly avoiding.....

Betenoire- Dude, I am all for a discussion about fat-positivity. But I'm a wee smidgen wary since "Go BBW" threads always end up with at least one asshat mentioning how they are afraid that they would crush, break, bruise, blah blah blah a skinny girl.
mm..hmm......I am not sure how hearing comments like that translate to you...but to me I hear'.....I can be careless needfully rough and dismissive of your needs physically and mentally. Why? Because I might want to be manhandled and fucking into submission OR I might want to be held rocked and made love to gently and treated like a delicate flower.....*Respect that while I may be a larger canvas, I am not any less breakable than a smaller one..
hippieflowergirl- succulent it just drips sin, dont it? I just wanted to see this word again....yea definitely a good word.....

The Shit pot has been stirred......
Kat6071-yes, that's how it should be...although I personally do not prefer..WAAAY TOO MUCH! THAT turns me off..either way. I understand the comment was not judge mental but subjective to yourself and I respect that....However I think this statement is hurtful because you have eliminated and or alienated women by directly calling my issue of weight and self worth into question again. If someone said that to me I would immediately wonder If regardless of my Personality if i were "WAAAY TOO MUCH".......

Inuus-Sure I think the word is subjective and is open for interpretation. I dont think at all it has any requirements. Its all about what you are into and what your minds eye sees.
I have always been attracted to BBW. Ive never dated a woman that was what society deems thin. I dont have a set "size" within the BBW spectrum. Its all good to me. I have dated slightly plus size to alot bigger so to me there really isnt a set size although I wont lie Im sure there is a limit in size for me some place. I just have never reached that guess I think this entire post kinda got pushed aside once the stirring of the afore mentioned pot occurred........
I love the last sentence...it is subjective, but open-minded. I really appreciate where your coming from here...
Wolfyone-Oh and maybe YOUR comparison is as YOU say, but don't put those words in my mouth. I would never disrespect any woman intentionally.
I just pulled out this snippet because I wanted to say the important part in this response is the Last sentence as well....Weight Sexiness, self-worth and opinions regarding them are touchy....there is hurt and pain and anger all around. It is easy to misinterpret letters on a screen because there is no author inflection to go along with it. I add attitude and snarkyness where none may have been intended .....a lot...I am working on reading without emotion so I can process the words intellectually before i respond emotionally...
Sachita-I know what you mean and I don't want to be defined unless you want to call me sexy, gorgeous and the like. lol
I try not to get caught up in words and old baggage but I admit that I still do. I'm a size 16, tall and really curvy. I'm healthy and truth is I can run circles around most women. I struggle with feelings of not being good enough. Always having to check myself when it comes to diet and weight issues. I focus on the quality of my life and eating things that are healthy & conscious when it comes to the earth.
At the same time I find that I am attracted to healthy people. If they are a little larger thats cool but I have a hard time being with someone that abuses their body and isn't conscious. For me its a matter of self respect. It's not about the size.
I casually dated someone years ago that was maybe 50 pounds overweight. I was ok with that but I wasn't ok with his overall lifestyle and how we'd take walks and within 5 min he was out of breath. He ate awful and to be honest I thought he'd have serious health issues. I suggested we "get healthy" together. Again its not about size. Even at my size I feel better 20 lbs lighter. He complained about his back, knees, etc. Ok, lets make a plan and lets do something about it. He was no ok with this. In fact he sabotaged my attempts and ultimately the relationship fell apart. In the past few months I've dropped weight just from eating healthy and feeding my spirit. I'm not focused on diet or weight. My focus is on healing my body and living healthy for another 50 years. I want to be that 80 year old woman ziplining through a jungle or riding a horse. I might still have a big round ass but my heart will be healthy and I'll be full of fire.
Ok there are quite a few things here that initially made me want to go off on an angry rant.....But I have read that everything I wanted to say was addressed and that not only did you acknowledge what happened....I think u "Get" it too......
The part I do want to focus on is the middle part.."I was ok with that but I wasn't ok with his overall lifestyle" to ME if you are not ok with my "Lifestyle" you are not OK with me...also the way it was worded made me feel like u settled for this person DESPITE the fact that he was Overweight....not in celebration of, or with a sense of pride in his size....The relationship seemed doomed from the start...You even Suggested that you get healthy together...which in MY experience always puts me on the defensive....All I think is "whats wrong with me that you feel the need to stage an intervention on something you assured me wasnt a concern of yours......or worse wasnt a concern of mine
Apretty-if you mean to say you're using the terms, BIG GIRL and FAT interchangeably, without shame, judgment, or apology--then you'd be correct. if you'd like to explore that *concept* with me, just ask. I would LOVE to explore this concept with you as i think that we have been brainwashed into believing that there is something wrong with being Fatt, Curvy, or whatever.... There seems to be a definite Us and them mentality concerning weight, and I wonder what can be done to change this negative image....
Betenoir-Maybe you people want to take your comments off of the "Big Girl Love" thread and create your own "Medium Sized Girl who is maybe 10 lbs over what her doctor would like her to be but no more than that because more than that is gross" thread. AMEN!!!

The pot simmers once again.....
Sachita-But you know it goes... a thread is often discussion and everyone has an agenda, opinion and before you know it it can go completely off topic. lol
I'm sorry I did this. I guess i had a point and opinion. Its not about size.
Thank you for acknowledging that what you posted COULD be seen negatively and that you Understand the LOVE for a Curvaceous person has nothing to do with their Lifestyle...healthy or not
Betenoir-
For me, I find that comments about health as it relates to fat....obnoxious. And comments about food as it relates to fat...equally obnoxious.
Your ex, if he was as unhealthy as you said he was, would have been equally unhealthy if he had a 26 inch waist. I'm willing to bet on that. Shitty lifestyle is shitty lifestyle no matter what size that lifestyle is packaged in. But this thread is -not- about shitty lifestyles, is it?
Pretending like there is no such thing as a healthy person in a size 18 dress is like pretending that there is no such thing as an unhealthy person in a size 8 dress. You're equating health and lifestyle with size - which is what got peoples hackles up. And it's also pretty inaccurate. First I wanna say...u rock so hard!!! This is exactly my point! We have been brainwashed to associate everything fat with unhealthy and everything skinny with healthy....My granma used to say "i'd rather be Fat and happy, then skinny and sick"....The question that comes to me is; If your overweight with minor health issues (elevated cholesterol, out of breath after physical exertion) are you any more or any less healthy than a skinny person that also have the same minor issues?
Betenoir-It's a little stressful to think of Lane Bryant only using models from sizes 12-16 - since I am willing to bet that NO people who wear those sizes shop at Lane Bryant. They don't have to. So why would they? I am actually a little surprised at this statement...If you were to make that bet you would be dead wrong. Depending on the manufacture I wear anywhere from a size 12 to an 18. I shop at lane bryant, Ashely Stuart and all the rest on a regular basis. I do agree its BEYOND fucked up that a disportionate amount of "PLUS SIZE" models are just "slightly heavier" versions of "regular" models....and it is particularly disgusting to see a company that makes there money from curvaceous women subscribe to this outrageous practice.
My two cents....
On this particular issue it pisses me off too because all the clothes look fantastic on the models pulled in and cinched perfectly but in reality look NOTHING like that on ANY woman regardless of size... it seems to me they down play the "size" of the clothing making things seem sexy but are selling clothes that "hide" shape rather than flatter it...
Now this isnt ALWAYS...but it has been MY experience lately.........

Peace and Love

[HeartBreak Kid]

I told my friend about this thread and she said "real women have curves" while I wanted to jump up and say "Hell Yea!"....... I thought about my other grandma who is stick stick rail thin.....
That woman raised me and she most certainly was/is a "real" woman...
Why does it seem in order to lift oneself up, it comes at the expense of another?
:deepthoughts:
Peace and Love

[Selenay]

I told my friend about this thread and she said "real women have curves" while I wanted to jump up and say "Hell Yea!"....... I thought about my other grandma who is stick stick rail thin.....
That woman raised me and she most certainly was/is a "real" woman...
Why does it seem in order to lift oneself up, it comes at the expense of another?
:deepthoughts:
Peace and Love


Real women have curves
And straight lines
Slight bends
Hills
And mountains
And valleys
And plains
And plateaus.

[Jet]

I want to tell you a story. I met someone I came to fall love with on line. We were on the phone 24/7 for 6 months while I lived in Colorado with my family. We talked about everything—and I mean everything to get to know each other.

I had never grown to love anyone or be so enamored with a woman until I met her. Trust me when I tell you I was completely carried away by her southern charm, her voice, her eloquence, and presence. I loved everything about her—that certain southern sexiness being from Atlanta; her views on life, and her intelligence. I loved the way she thought and most of all, how she responded to me as a transman. She was absolutely the kind of woman I could ever hope to be in love with. And I grew to love her, sight unseen except for a few pictures she sent. As time went on, I wanted her to the point of marriage and for her to be the one to kiss me goodbye for the last time—as my life partner.

Our relationship was based on trust— no stone was unturned about our lives, families and our experiences even as far back as childhood. We laughed and cried and shared over and over. Many times we talked about our health being in our 50s—our weight, exercise and
diets. When she sent her pictures she was heavy set and she told me they were out of date and that she was on a diet because she was determined to lose weight. I gave her kudos and encouraged her to keep going. She said she was 40 pounds within her goal, and to me, that was nothing.

She had planned to come to Denver to meet me, and it always failed because of something on her end or mine—logistically is just never happened.

Meantime I had sent her my art and she told me that I needed to be in Atlanta, and that she, herself, being in the corporate world had never seen designs as inventive or of the same level or caliber. She had opened the door for me in thinking of Atlanta as a career move instead of Denver. Naturally, being crazy about her, I came to Atlanta.

Since we had never met in person beforehand, we made a pact and promised each other that if for some reason, we didn’t hit it off or it didn’t work, we would be great friends because we liked each other and had so much in common. So what did I have to lose?

I landed in Atlanta and she picked me up at the airport. I was excited, nervous and I couldn’t wait to meet her.

When she pulled up and got out of the car, she looked as though she more like 140 pounds within her goal not 40; she was obese and much heavier than her pictures. I won’t lie to you, I was floored. I had on sunglasses and she asked me to take them off because she “knew” I would be blown away and she wanted to see my expression. I took them off, kissed her, hugged her and didn’t flinch once. What blew me away the most was that she wasn’t anywhere near the person she sounded like.

But I handled it and this is how:

First, I fell in love with her, not her weight. I fell in love with an incredible woman filled with poise, intelligence, grace and an unspeakable presence that draws you to her. As I collected myself more and more throughout that day, I felt that weight could be dealt with and that it really was secondary in the scheme of falling in love and wanting to marry her. At the same time, I also felt I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming to Atlanta to be with her because she had misrepresented herself. I struggled with my feelings because I felt split down the middle. But I believe in honoring what I say and I was determined to give things a chance and eventually decide between the two of us if things wee going to work out.

We had made a promise that if it didn’t work out we would remain friends. Besides, being with her, her weight never once overshadowed her demeanor or the qualities that had attracted me to her.

But then came clincher:

We lived apart when I came to Atlanta and so we would spend 4-day weekends at my apartment. The sixth weekend arrived and she left to help her daughter who was in major drama and crisis.

She never returned — not once and without so much as valid explanation.

In emails that followed she said we wouldn’t be a good fit and gave other reasons that never warranted her leaving or the fact that she didn’t want to be friends. When I read them to my friends and family they couldn’t believe it.

I was livid and hurt and on a rollercoaster of feelings that ran the full gamut.
I was willing to see it through and she walked out on me. Forget the weight. She completed destroyed the image I had of her as a woman of integrity. Talk about stunned? She left me in a strange town, no car, no bearings or direction, no help and no real explanation. Remember, I’m a trauma survivor which she knew about. So the shock of leaving me almost sent me over the edge; she could have killed me. The poetry in my thread, The Dancer of Atlanta, are about her with the exception of Rio Rio and
Rocket 88.

So you talk about big girl love? She was a big girl who was loved and never even knew how much.

[apretty]

i find myself so tired when someone gets all self-congratulatory about dating someone they never thought they'd be *attracted* to (read: fat). i always want to ask, 'and what.' exactly, suspiciously missing the question mark--because i don't really think all that much of anyone breaking their arm, patting themselves on the back--and lord knows, i don't want details.

[KayCee]

apretty..are you the chief-cencorer here?..What I stated, was my own opinion I am entitled to like anyone else here. No offense against anybody and certainly not personally meant.
Obviously you've got a big problem with your self-esteem or otherwise you wouldn't attack everybody who has a different opinion or respectively own preference projecting these to yourself negatively. There is absolutely no need.

[Admin]

All:

This thread is for "Big Girl Love". If you do not have love for big girls, then you need to take yourselves to another thread.

If you come into a thread designed for positivity and you make comments about someone's size in a negative fashion, you are being insensitive.
Period.

Also, kat6071, your post was reported. There is no need for you to make a personal attack on apretty and make guesstimates about her self-esteem or how she is projecting herself. Please do not continue to engage using personal attacks, if you have a point to make with someone, your point needs to stand on its own without getting personal.

Again, this is a size-positive thread. Keep it that way.

Thanks.
Admin

[Lynn]

It's odd how self-image works. When I was maybe 10 to 20 lbs over my "ideal" weight, I considered myself to be so unattractive. I hated pictures of myself and was always saying things about how fat I was. Unfortunately, my husband agreed, and he never missed a chance to remind me that I would be so attractive--if I lost weight. At the same time, I was generally depressed and really had no clue that life wasn't supposed to be so grey. I pretty much agreed that I was too heavy, which also equated to being lazy, out of control, and out of touch with myself. Well. That last one was true, except my weight had nothing to do with it.

Now, life is much better. Since I came out, about seven years ago, my new "normal" is damn happy. I'm also a lot heavier. At 5'1", I'm close to 200 lbs. I can't say that I don't struggle with self-acceptance--I do. But, I used to obsess constantly about losing weight. These days, I don't really think about it much. Sometimes, it can't be escaped. For example, I can feel utterly sexy and attractive, and then one hour with my family will have me feeling, well, the opposite. Issues, much? Sure, and so what. My health is OK, although I've been told that I'm prediabetic, which does scare me.

The thing is, I think feeling uncomfortable at times with my weight is not the same thing as hating myself and feeling worthless and unattractive. I don't hate anymore. If a doctor suggests that losing weight will help my health, then I'll take that into consideration without falling into blame and shame. In the main, I feel like a beautiful, expansive, sexy woman. The truth is that *I* am bigger, more expanded, and sexy, as a PERSON. So, this body of mine usually fits perfectly.

[WILDCAT]

HOLY CRIKEY!!!

:thud::thud::thud:

WHAT PART of "big girl LOVE" of this thread title don't people understand?!

SHIT!

I just nearly had a friggin' heart attack reading some postings here. My goodness! Ya'll get your shit together, please!? (Pleading as a decent human being - not in any moderator sense... Mmm-K?)

Where the heck is the sensitivity? (And LOVE, SHEEEEESH!!!!!!!)

FOR REALZZZZ!!!

WILDCAT


:koolaid:

[hippieflowergirl]

tired of Fashion Bug? how about the over expensive-under fashionable Nordstrom/Macys and CJBanks? well heaven forbid we should be limited Avenue or Lame Bryant (no that's not a typo) ever again. blech blech blech.

i like the basics at times...you know...Target, Maurice's, Old Navy On Line. but what about some funky/trendy/crazy/elegant/drop dead sexy/goth/punk/rockabilly/couture/boutique-y kick ass clothes?


***WARNING*** drool alert! drool alert! not only are the clothes pretty cool on some of these sites but the lingerie is to DIE over!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hips & Curves (http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/) (gather a pile of soft cushy pillows near the computer girls....your lovers are going to fall over when they see this site!)

Plus Size Plum (http://www.plussizeplum.com/) (purrrrrrrr)

Lingerie Diva (http://www.lingeriediva.com/plus-size-lingerie)

Fredericks of Hollywood Plus (http://www.fredericks.com/Plus/plus,default,sc.html)

Monif C (http://www.monifc.com/)

Hippy Chix Plus (http://www.hippychixshop.com/plussizes1.html)

Fashion Overdose (http://www.fashionoverdose.com/) (currently requires shoppers to use IE rather than Firefox or Linux but they're updating fast!)

S W A K (http://www.swakdesigns.com/)

Alight (http://www.alight.com/) (one of my faves...check out the sales...if you're patient you'll never have to pay full price!)

Shop Style (http://www.shopstyle.com/browse/plus-sizes/Sweet-Pea) (they carry Sweet Pea tops!)

eVogue (http://www.evogues.com/New-Plus-Size-Clothing-Store-eVogues-com-s/151.htm)

B and Lu (http://www.bandlu.com/)

DOTs (http://www.dots.com/index.html#/New_Arrivals/) (they carry sizes from 0 to 24)

Silhouettes (http://www.silhouettes.com/?&cm_mmc_o=zdd23CjCdzkkKywllwlCjCmG1jdzkkKywllCjCaw0 f1bELIi&code=macs=SL9CJLINK) (not my favorite but i get a few neutral/basic things here sometimes. i think they're trying to transition out of the "OLD" feeling their line has...but they dont seem to be in any hurry.)

Rocawear (http://www.onestopplus.com/Plus
Size Clothing.aspx?DeptId=11542)

One Stop Plus (http://www.onestopplus.com/Plus-Size-Clothing.aspx?DeptId=11542)

Chic Star (http://www.chicstar.com/storefront/listCategories.aspx?on-sale&listType=2) (my fave for goth and rockabilly and vintage styles..often better than Torrid for selection)

Baby Phat (http://www.babyphat.com/deptlanding.php?dept=plus)

Size Appeal (http://www.sizeappeal.com/)

Missphit (http://www.missphit.com/)

Kiyonna (http://www.kiyonna.com/)

Igigi (http://www.igigi.com/) (expensive but the sales can be good at times)

Torrid (http://www.torrid.com/torrid/index.jsp)

So What If? (http://www.sowhatif.com/)

Old Navy Plus (http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/division.do?cid=5585) (my standby....great for the basics and the sales are out of this world...i recommend checking out the MEN'S cargo shorts every time b'cuz they're really cute on girls AND the MEN'S jeans give you that "i'm wearing my boyfriend's jeans and they slide down on my hips in a sexy way" vs. the OMG these low rider jeans are too much look! cool thing about Old Navy is that the plus size pants often come in "just below the waist" rises making them attractive but not overly revealing. plus sizes are available ON LINE ONLY)


PS Fix (http://www.plussizefix.com/plus-size-sale-clearence.aspx)

Fat Chance Belly Dance (http://www.fcbd.com/catalog/) (this one makes the list for a very personal reason. not only is it a great site good for some exotic looking pieces BUT belly dancing is the sexiest and most amazing thing! great work out....lots of history behind traditional belly dancing that shows the curvier you were the better the dance looked AND there are classes everywhere! i teach one called "Belly Dancing for Fat Chicks" and i cant tell you how amazing it is to watch women who have been taught to hate themselves based on something as nonsensical as size COME TO LIFE AND FEEL SEXY!!!!)


anyone want to add more?


:hippie:

[SassyLeo]

Ulla Popken (http://ullapopken.com/) sometimes has cute stuff....it is pricey, so I look at the sales mostly.

[Jet]

She's stunning, Jackhammer. And I'm jealous.

[apretty]

...*leering*

[betenoire]

With that said, Jet. I'm going to offer some "food" for thought. If I moved clear across country to be with someone sight unseen and then clearly didn't like what I saw, but decided to go with it, they might just see that and take a hike. Maybe it wouldn't be them, maybe, it would be me. No one wants to be loved "In spite of", everyone just wants to be loved. :)

This deserved to be repeated.

[WolfyOne]

I really enjoy reading this thread and I enjoyed posting until I saw many posts picked apart in a negative way. I think if someone has a serious problem with a post, take it to PM. I adore, admire and love big girls. Couldn't and wouldn't live without them in this life. Watching them show off their beauty makes me smile for many reasons. Anyhow, the reason for this post...I will continue to read and watch this thread flourish with positivity but the likeliness of me posting here again won't happen. I hate when someone comes along and tries really hard to put words in my mouth for me. I want nothing but the best for this site and I promised myself I wouldn't jump on others without privately asking them questions if I didn't get their post. I can see if this was in the Red Zone, but it's not. I want to be able to enjoy myself and others that post without worry. If I offend someone and I'm wrong, I'll be the first to apologize otherwise, you'll never hear those words from me.

Oh and for those that don't personally know me, I consider myself to be chunky, about 40-50 pounds overweight for my height. I'm good with who I am and it doesn't matter what others think. I hope all of you are good with who you are, no matter what others think or say.

Enjoy the thread ladies and gents, I'll kick back and keep reading.

[Lady Jewel]

Youre more than entitled to your opinions. But why dont you state them in the appropriate thread? Just sayin.
People are getting offended in here and righteously so. The INTENT of this thread was to honor our "Big" "Fluffy" "Chubby" "Succulent" "Thick" "Rubenesque" "Fat" (Get my point yet???) sisters. Of which I am one.
Is it so phuking unimaginable to have thread for us bigger girls where we are honored for who we are, and not picked apart?? Dont you think that we get enough crap every single day that we walk this planet because we dont fit into societys definitition of whats beautiful??
And if that to you is an "agenda", well, then my big fat self has a HUGE one as well. And if this comes off as my being annoyed, then fait acompli.

Jewel




wow I'm sorry grossed you out. You certainly do
have an agenda and like to read into things. Thats cool. I'm not interested in drama.

I do however want to feel comfortable to state my opinions and dont want to feel like I have to walk on egg shells to try and explain myself.

[Lady Jewel]

*Bump* Cuz I kinda like this thread :):sparklyheart:

[Inuus]

yes agreed gotta love this thread :)

*Bump* Cuz I kinda like this thread :):sparklyheart:

[hippieflowergirl]

Bump


http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e190/dockrammer06/rsz_1mywife-1.jpg



YOWZA!

i want to be that beautiful when i grow up!


:thud:

[hippieflowergirl]

I want to tell you a story. I met someone I came to fall love with on line. We were on the phone 24/7 for 6 months while I lived in Colorado with my family. We talked about everything—and I mean everything to get to know each other.

I had never grown to love anyone or be so enamored with a woman until I met her. Trust me when I tell you I was completely carried away by her southern charm, her voice, her eloquence, and presence. I loved everything about her—that certain southern sexiness being from Atlanta; her views on life, and her intelligence. I loved the way she thought and most of all, how she responded to me as a transman. She was absolutely the kind of woman I could ever hope to be in love with. And I grew to love her, sight unseen except for a few pictures she sent. As time went on, I wanted her to the point of marriage and for her to be the one to kiss me goodbye for the last time—as my life partner.

Our relationship was based on trust— no stone was unturned about our lives, families and our experiences even as far back as childhood. We laughed and cried and shared over and over. Many times we talked about our health being in our 50s—our weight, exercise and
diets. When she sent her pictures she was heavy set and she told me they were out of date and that she was on a diet because she was determined to lose weight. I gave her kudos and encouraged her to keep going. She said she was 40 pounds within her goal, and to me, that was nothing.

She had planned to come to Denver to meet me, and it always failed because of something on her end or mine—logistically is just never happened.

Meantime I had sent her my art and she told me that I needed to be in Atlanta, and that she, herself, being in the corporate world had never seen designs as inventive or of the same level or caliber. She had opened the door for me in thinking of Atlanta as a career move instead of Denver. Naturally, being crazy about her, I came to Atlanta.

Since we had never met in person beforehand, we made a pact and promised each other that if for some reason, we didn’t hit it off or it didn’t work, we would be great friends because we liked each other and had so much in common. So what did I have to lose?

I landed in Atlanta and she picked me up at the airport. I was excited, nervous and I couldn’t wait to meet her.

When she pulled up and got out of the car, she looked as though she more like 140 pounds within her goal not 40; she was obese and much heavier than her pictures. I won’t lie to you, I was floored. I had on sunglasses and she asked me to take them off because she “knew” I would be blown away and she wanted to see my expression. I took them off, kissed her, hugged her and didn’t flinch once. What blew me away the most was that she wasn’t anywhere near the person she sounded like.

But I handled it and this is how:

First, I fell in love with her, not her weight. I fell in love with an incredible woman filled with poise, intelligence, grace and an unspeakable presence that draws you to her. As I collected myself more and more throughout that day, I felt that weight could be dealt with and that it really was secondary in the scheme of falling in love and wanting to marry her. At the same time, I also felt I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming to Atlanta to be with her because she had misrepresented herself. I struggled with my feelings because I felt split down the middle. But I believe in honoring what I say and I was determined to give things a chance and eventually decide between the two of us if things were going to work out.

We had made a promise that if it didn’t work out we would remain friends. Besides, being with her, her weight never once overshadowed her demeanor or the qualities that had attracted me to her.

But then came clincher:

We lived apart when I came to Atlanta and so we would spend 4-day weekends at my apartment. The sixth weekend arrived and she left to help her daughter who was in major drama and crisis.

She never returned — not once and without so much as valid explanation.

In emails that followed she said we wouldn’t be a good fit and gave other reasons that never warranted her leaving or the fact that she didn’t want to be friends. When I read them to my friends and family they couldn’t believe it.

I was livid and hurt and on a rollercoaster of feelings that ran the full gamut.
I was willing to see it through and she walked out on me. Forget the weight. She completed destroyed the image I had of her as a woman of integrity. Talk about stunned? She left me in a strange town, no car, no bearings or direction, no help and no real explanation. Remember, I’m a trauma survivor which she knew about. So the shock of leaving me almost sent me over the edge; she could have killed me. The poetry in my thread, The Dancer of Atlanta, are about her with the exception of Rio Rio and
Rocket 88.

So you talk about big girl love? She was a big girl who was loved and never even knew how much.


what if the perspective on this story was told from the fat girl's side?

i've waited a few days to respond to this and tried to read and re-read so that i understood. i know that i have only my perspective. i know that the intent of this post is to relay a personal experience. i also know that it really triggered some painful feelings in me. that's on me. my feelings are mine and no one is responsible or accountable for personal feelings except for the person to whom they belong.

Jet...you are someone of whom others think well, a reputation that i'm sure is well deserved. you are kind to many and patient with several and you have the heart and soul of an artist...something which makes you able to see beauty in all things. but the words highlighted in red above are meant to call out the ways in which i find your post hurtful and derogatory. i'm positive that you dont think of them that way. i hope you will consider looking at them from another point of view.

in no way do i think anyone should lie about their intentions or feelings regarding their relationship or friendships. i dont think that breaking up via email is acceptable when it's possible to talk face-to-face. but i dont think that anything happens in a vacuum.

many of us are trauma survivors. it's not anyone else's responsibility to put our needs ahead of their own, trauma or not. i am sincerely sorry that you were hurt and let down. i dont imagine that your Southern Belle was perfectly happy though, otherwise there was no reason for her to break off contact with you. i suspect that she felt let down as well. i have to wonder if some of your disappointment in her weight was obvious to her. did she feel rejected by you because you felt the things you wrote above? you meant them as accepting...but they arent necessarily so. i found them very wounding and even bordering on offensive. because i believe in my heart of hearts that you didnt mean them that way, i choose not to indulge the feelings of offense. but they're still hurtful in the same ways that comments like this have been damaging to most people who dont conform to a cultural ideal of weight for as long as we can remember.

you say she was the sort of woman that you could love forever, but then you were shaken in your belief by her physical presence. how could you have expected to hide that? i promise you, she knew it. you said no stone was left unturned in your discussions on the phone. did you tell her that if she weighed more than you thought she did you would be disappointed? you said she gave no "valid" reason for your breakup.

how do you know that? you dont understand how she felt. that's obvious because you label her reasoning for breaking up with you as invalid. worse, you place all of the reasons for disappointment (and nobility) squarely in your court. it's as though she had absolutely no reason to break up with you. and yet she did. so, is she insane? did she not fail to understand how grateful she should be that you were willing to "handle" your feelings about her weight? you said that your relationship was based on trust and that you thought she was a person of integrity. she trusted you too. you were obviously disappointed in her looks when you met. how could she trust you after that? how could she believe in you...in your integrity...after a moment like that?

she said she was 40 pounds within her goal but you thought she looked like she needed to lose 140? what was her goal? was it incremental? i dont want to lose 50 pounds. i want to lose 5 pounds. when i lose it, then i want to lose 5 more. some people want the milestone...not the final number. i have a pal who wants to weigh less than 200 pounds and so his goal is 199.

a lot of people look like they weigh more or less than they do. that perception changes with what we wear, whether or not we have good posture (that's a biggie actually) and our moods. that applies to all body sizes and shapes. she told you her photos were out of date and she weighed more at that time then she did in them. you werent left in the dark and you lead your reader to believe that at one point it made no difference to you what she weighed. your words go on to prove that this isnt true.

this woman believed that you were attracted to WHO she was. you said so to us, so i imagine you said so to her as well. imagine her dread when she saw the disappointment in your expression. everything she believed about you was shaken to its core....maybe because you were "floored" by her body size.

you say she was "obese". according to the 7th edition of the columbia medical encyclopedia (2008), obesity is defined as being 20% over one's ideal body weight. they note the "maximum appropriate weight" for my height as 159 pounds. that means that i'm obese at 190.8 pounds. i love that definition of obesity!!!

you hugged her and didnt flinch?

really?

again....was she supposed to be grateful for that?

it sounds as though you had to exert a lot of effort not to be disgusted by her. if i can feel that message in your words, she definitely felt it in the energy of your actual presence. saying you didnt "flinch" at her size makes it sound as though 1) you had any reason to and 2) that she should be grateful you didnt also scream, vomit...and run.

she wasnt the person she "sounded" like?

her weight made her less intelligent? less charming? less the beautifully composed and delightful woman you fell in love with on the phone? how so? how did her weight detract from her character? if she lied to you...then she's a liar. that has nothing to do with weight. and, i might venture to guess, that she probably felt rejected because of weight before meeting you. lying about weight isnt the greatest way to make sure that rejection never happens again...but it's certainly not uncommon....and not unexpected given the "i didnt even flinch" attitude of our peers.

you "handled" the discovery that she was fatter than you expected? this is one of the most painful things i've ever heard coming from a guy. it sounds as though you want to be congratulated for taking control of the sudden and complete abhorrence you felt for the woman you wanted to marry. i hope no one ever "handles" their feelings with regard to my looks. if i ever discover that someone finds me so wholly unacceptable because of the way i look, but has elected to "handle" their feelings, i'll issue them their walking papers so fast they wont have time to take a single breath between meeting and departure...because THEY wont be good enough for ME.

you collected yourself throughout the day? my god how horrible this must have been. for her. to watch you go through this agonizing process of trying to come to terms with the fact that she wasnt good looking enough for you must have been one of the most painful things she ever experienced...since she had believed up until that point that you loved her deeply. you felt her weight was secondary to falling in love and getting married. so it was on your agenda to do something about? what if she had been perfectly happy with her size? would you have refused to marry her?

you felt that you made the biggest mistake of your life going to atlanta to be with the woman who was, to all appearances, your soul mate because she appeared to be larger than you expected?

that must have hurt so much Jet! it must have hurt her so very much to discover that you, someone she trusted and believed in and cherished, looking down on her because of her weight...you the guy she thought she could trust to see her...really see her...and love her, not in spite of her size, but because it didnt matter what her size was as long as she was actually the intelligent, charming, funny, compassionate, interesting, composed woman she showed you that she was. imagine her pain at discovering that you werent certain she was worth the trip because she wasnt a particular size or shape.

it took her 6 weeks before she gave up on your relationship. your doubt took over the moment you met her. she never had a chance with you.

she was right Jet. it wouldnt have been a good fit. you're better off loving a woman who doesnt require you to control your aversion in order to touch her or consider the issue her looks something that needs to be handled.

just a different take on the story


:hippie:

[Random]

Because it's got the blue plate dresses.. and I love the blue plate dresses..

http://www.alight.com/index.html

[hippieflowergirl]

Because it's got the blue plate dresses.. and I love the blue plate dresses..

http://www.alight.com/index.html


ooooooh! i LOVE blue plate!

:goodscore:

alight.com is one of my FAVORITE shopping websites! i love their sales! there's always something i want and sometimes just waiting a few weeks means even lower prices!

:pile:

do you think we have enough people for a fan club?

:groupphoto:

[Lady Jewel]

Just went and peeked. Awesome :)


Because it's got the blue plate dresses.. and I love the blue plate dresses..

http://www.alight.com/index.html

[betenoire]

Betenoir-It's a little stressful to think of Lane Bryant only using models from sizes 12-16 - since I am willing to bet that NO people who wear those sizes shop at Lane Bryant. They don't have to. So why would they? I am actually a little surprised at this statement...If you were to make that bet you would be dead wrong. Depending on the manufacture I wear anywhere from a size 12 to an 18. I shop at lane bryant, Ashely Stuart and all the rest on a regular basis. I do agree its BEYOND fucked up that a disportionate amount of "PLUS SIZE" models are just "slightly heavier" versions of "regular" models....and it is particularly disgusting to see a company that makes there money from curvaceous women subscribe to this outrageous practice.

I was confused about why you would be surprised by my statement...until I looked up a couple of size charts. Seems that the US and Canada size things differently. I wear an 18-20 in Canada...apparently I wear a 16-18 in the US. Who knew?

So when I read sizes 12-16 I thought those were like Canadian 12-16...who absolutely wouldn't be shopping in a Plus Size store. Because, you know...if you didn't have to why would you? Plus size stores are -way- more expensive, the selection isn't as great, and there is that awful tendency to make the clothes incredibly ugly.

That alight store looks awesome, by the way. Love love love. I almost licked my monitor.

[hippieflowergirl]

http://www.megansminute.com/images/2008/05/19/whitneythompsonfirstplussizeameri_2.jpg



".....the phrase "plus-sized model" is a relative term. Whitney [Thompson...the 'PLUS SIZED' winner of a cycle of "America's Next Top Model" a few months back] says she's a size 10 and though in the modeling world, that's considered big enough to call for a forklift, in the real world that's considered, dare I say it...pretty normal.

Yikes. This sort of thing makes normal girls feel even worse about themselves. They see this fairly trim woman being praised as “plus-size” and then think, “Well, if that’s plus-size, I must be grossly obese!”

[hippieflowergirl]

I'm sure she doesn't struggle to find a decent Ball Gown :rant:

i'm sure she doesnt struggle to find ANYTHING. size 10 is still below the supposed size 12 to 16 average of amerikan women.

apparently she was repeatedly told that losing 4 inches from her hips would make her "model material".

[betenoire]

apparently she was repeatedly told that losing 4 inches from her hips would make her "model material".


That's fucked up right there! Just look at her!

[betenoire]

Actually, I did some googling around (because, you know...if you read it on the internet it MUST be true) and it seems that the size 10 America's Next Top Model girl is smaller than average. Seems that the average dress size for women in the US is about 14.

Which means that this supposed Plus Size model is thinner than well over 50% of American Women.

Which means that it's a vast conspiracy to try and make well over 50% of American Women feel like shit.

(oh! I totally found a new hobby! I just spent a solid 5 minutes grabbing and shaking my belly roll and giggling! Way better than xbox! Cheaper, too!)

[LieslKate]

I want to tell you a story. I met someone I came to fall love with on line. We were on the phone 24/7 for 6 months while I lived in Colorado with my family. We talked about everything—and I mean everything to get to know each other.

I had never grown to love anyone or be so enamored with a woman until I met her. Trust me when I tell you I was completely carried away by her southern charm, her voice, her eloquence, and presence. I loved everything about her—that certain southern sexiness being from Atlanta; her views on life, and her intelligence. I loved the way she thought and most of all, how she responded to me as a transman. She was absolutely the kind of woman I could ever hope to be in love with. And I grew to love her, sight unseen except for a few pictures she sent. As time went on, I wanted her to the point of marriage and for her to be the one to kiss me goodbye for the last time—as my life partner.

Our relationship was based on trust— no stone was unturned about our lives, families and our experiences even as far back as childhood. We laughed and cried and shared over and over. Many times we talked about our health being in our 50s—our weight, exercise and
diets. When she sent her pictures she was heavy set and she told me they were out of date and that she was on a diet because she was determined to lose weight. I gave her kudos and encouraged her to keep going. She said she was 40 pounds within her goal, and to me, that was nothing.

She had planned to come to Denver to meet me, and it always failed because of something on her end or mine—logistically is just never happened.

Meantime I had sent her my art and she told me that I needed to be in Atlanta, and that she, herself, being in the corporate world had never seen designs as inventive or of the same level or caliber. She had opened the door for me in thinking of Atlanta as a career move instead of Denver. Naturally, being crazy about her, I came to Atlanta.

Since we had never met in person beforehand, we made a pact and promised each other that if for some reason, we didn’t hit it off or it didn’t work, we would be great friends because we liked each other and had so much in common. So what did I have to lose?

I landed in Atlanta and she picked me up at the airport. I was excited, nervous and I couldn’t wait to meet her.

When she pulled up and got out of the car, she looked as though she more like 140 pounds within her goal not 40; she was obese and much heavier than her pictures. I won’t lie to you, I was floored. I had on sunglasses and she asked me to take them off because she “knew” I would be blown away and she wanted to see my expression. I took them off, kissed her, hugged her and didn’t flinch once. What blew me away the most was that she wasn’t anywhere near the person she sounded like.

But I handled it and this is how:

First, I fell in love with her, not her weight. I fell in love with an incredible woman filled with poise, intelligence, grace and an unspeakable presence that draws you to her. As I collected myself more and more throughout that day, I felt that weight could be dealt with and that it really was secondary in the scheme of falling in love and wanting to marry her. At the same time, I also felt I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming to Atlanta to be with her because she had misrepresented herself. I struggled with my feelings because I felt split down the middle. But I believe in honoring what I say and I was determined to give things a chance and eventually decide between the two of us if things wee going to work out.

We had made a promise that if it didn’t work out we would remain friends. Besides, being with her, her weight never once overshadowed her demeanor or the qualities that had attracted me to her.

But then came clincher:

We lived apart when I came to Atlanta and so we would spend 4-day weekends at my apartment. The sixth weekend arrived and she left to help her daughter who was in major drama and crisis.

She never returned — not once and without so much as valid explanation.

In emails that followed she said we wouldn’t be a good fit and gave other reasons that never warranted her leaving or the fact that she didn’t want to be friends. When I read them to my friends and family they couldn’t believe it.

I was livid and hurt and on a rollercoaster of feelings that ran the full gamut.
I was willing to see it through and she walked out on me. Forget the weight. She completed destroyed the image I had of her as a woman of integrity. Talk about stunned? She left me in a strange town, no car, no bearings or direction, no help and no real explanation. Remember, I’m a trauma survivor which she knew about. So the shock of leaving me almost sent me over the edge; she could have killed me. The poetry in my thread, The Dancer of Atlanta, are about her with the exception of Rio Rio and
Rocket 88.

So you talk about big girl love? She was a big girl who was loved and never even knew how much.




I was the Grrl on the other side of a similar and very recent situation. We had already met once (for a 3 day weekend that ended in less than 12 hours) that didn't go well for other reasons. We also had similar plans, thoughts and dreams moving ahead in the relationship and I was going to be the one moving there.

After a couple of weeks not speaking she called and we decided to try again and spent the next 2 months talking for hours every day about anything and everything under the sun including issues about body image (hers and mine, with a less than 25lb difference in respective weights) and dealing with them. We had / have so much in common and after the heart-rending year I had just gone through I was filled with hope, desire and trust in a better future.

We decided to start with a visit of 10 days... the second day of the day visit she told me she didn't see any possibility of a relationship as partners/lovers/married as she was not able to be physically attracted to me and we had nothing much in common; she then emotionally distanced herself, barely spoke to me and I had 8 more agonizing and heartbreaking days to get though in her home before my flight home. I was stunned to say the least and in so much pain, absolutely numb. Never buy a cheap ticket that can't be changed...

It was not all negative, I always try to find something positive even in a bad situation and it was my first holiday in 8 years. We had fun going out and exploring her city (my possible future home), meeting her friends and having conversations on a superficial level but the trust had been broken. We are speaking yet again simply because we do have that much to talk about and do care for each other very much just not daily and not the way it was. I miss what we had and its hard being just friends.

I think your G/f perhaps felt your hesitation and struggle and took what for her may have been the easy way out without giving sufficient thought as to how it would affect you... maybe it was what she needed to do to deal with her pain.

I feel the pain, anger and heartbreak in your post and understand it. I wish both of us a positive future and in spite of how I am feeling right now I would try yet a third time even though my heart feels battered and bruised. As for starting a new relationship that will be a very long time coming.

[IrishGrrl]

I'm glad I wasnt around to read this thread in the last few days.

The only thing I'm going to comment on is Junes post. I dont disagree persay, but I do not share your feelings about threads/spaces like this.
I feel like you were right on the money when you said that people of size are marginalized, and treated as less than. That is exactly the reason I feel we need threads/spaces like this. I dont see it being that much different than other groups who are marginalized setting up positive space for themselves.
Sometimes after a long day of being dismissed, and discrimiated against, it's nice to come to a place where I feel loved, appreciated, seen.

That's why I come here to the planet. To be appreciated and seen for WHO I am ..not WHAT I am.

xoxoxo

[hippieflowergirl]

I know, Irish. And I know the thread was started with very good intent and there has been some great conversation in here. And also, as per usual, there has been asshattery, misunderstandings and hurt feelings along with a few reconciliations.

I remember a few years ago, there was a thread like this on another forum, and someone very dear to me, who is not a person of size talked to me about how she felt about it as someone who struggled to be a healthy weight for her. I never forgot that. Body image issues come in all sizes.

:heartbeat:

when i was teaching (it was a massage school) i got to teach A & P, kinesiology, clinical practicum and massage theory & practice classes. one of the things that was NOT built into the curriculum was what it would be like for the client, if they had body issues, laying on the table nude (under a sheet). each area of the body is exposed to work on it if the client allows, right? so...when the students practiced on one another (which they did 4 times a week for a year) they had to take off their clothes.

for the most part, the new students were always freaked out about taking off their clothing as part of the learning process. after a while, that fear was greatly diminished for most of them...but definitely not all. it inspired me to make time in my first term classes to have a round robin discussion about body image. one of the best things to come of it was this:

our opinions about our bodies arent innate...we arent born loving our physical selves (or our intellectual, emotional and spiritual selves for that matter). we're handed our self image by others...friends, family, lovers, culture, media and so on...and expected to assimilate what's "right" or "wrong" from all of that information. some of us get great images...most of us dont. most of us learn that there's something wrong with us somehow and we spend an inordinate amount of time trying to fit the paradigm we've been taught.

no one wants to be unhealthy. but as has been said before, fat does not necessarily equal unhealthy; just as slender doesnt automatically indicate good health.

i know that my doctor does not like that i smoke, but she also knows that smoking increases dopamine interaction and that makes my drugs work more efficiently. she now also knows that i'm smoking more because i'm struggling not to put unnecessary food in my mouth. i know a lot of people who smoke in order to avoid eating more. i know one man who uses chewing tobacco for the same reason...and he's in his 50s. he knows better. he's always been active. but as he's gotten older tobacco is part of what he does to stay slim.

what have we learned from our friends/families/lovers/culture/media...?

:deepthoughts:

that the risk of cancer is better than extra weight?

[hippieflowergirl]

I'm glad I wasnt around to read this thread in the last few days.

The only thing I'm going to comment on is Junes post. I dont disagree persay, but I do not share your feelings about threads/spaces like this.
I feel like you were right on the money when you said that people of size are marginalized, and treated as less than. That is exactly the reason I feel we need threads/spaces like this. I dont see it being that much different than other groups who are marginalized setting up positive space for themselves.
Sometimes after a long day of being dismissed, and discrimiated against, it's nice to come to a place where I feel loved, appreciated, seen.

That's why I come here to the planet. To be appreciated and seen for WHO I am ..not WHAT I am.
xoxoxo



i DO. i want to be appreciated for WHAT i am. i'm a "fat, delicious, femme genius". (my best gay boyfriend coined the term and i love it!) i want to be appreciated for my WHAT, WHO, WHEN, WHERE and WHY. i want to be appreciated for all of me. if someone likes my WHO but not my WHAT then they dont like ME.

i want someone to like me, flaws and all. fat is not one of those flaws. a propensity to be long-winded and selfish is...but fat is not. i want to be loved because i'm flawed. loving someone who's perfect is too much work. (there's no room on the pedestal for both of you and who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt understand struggle?)

i'm glad there are threads like this as well. most days anyway. i see things posted this thread that are meant to be supportive...but they really serve to remind me that it's socially acceptable to discriminate against people who dont conform to cutural weight standards.

i get so tired of being seen as "less than" because i'm booty-liscious.

i get tired of being treated as though i'm disfigured because i have round thighs and large breasts.

i get tired of people's looks of surprise when i show up on my bike or ask to be included in a hike or some other physical activity.

it irks the hell out of me when someone responds with an incredulous look when they see a flier/advertisement for a class (yoga or belly dance) i'm teaching/have taught.

why is it socially acceptable to assume (and treat me as thought) i'm completely sedentary, out of control, unhealthy, and piggish because i weigh 50 pounds more than i care to at the moment? (and no...the "appropriate maximum weight" listed for someone my height on height/weight charts is NOT my goal).

why is there a cultural assumption that i'm "lucky" or should be "grateful" if i have a lover? maybe it's the lover who is lucky!

why should anyone be judged based on something this arbitrary? i'm not raping dogs or burning babies. i'm fat. i'm not afraid of being fat. i'm not embarrassed or apologetic.

why do i want to take out an ad in every major newspaper in the world and tell the asshats to step off when i know it wont matter...to them or me...in the end?

dear haters,

i dont want to be angry at you. i dont want to give you any of my time or any space in my head. you will never be worth it. i may be fat...but you're stupid and i'd rather be me than you. stupid is ugly. fat is simply more of me...and that's always a good thing.

p.s. i dont have a "weight problem". you have a problem with my weight.


:hippie:

[HeartBreak Kid]

I must admit, I love this Thread...As a curvacious woman it is refreshing to see dialouge regarding body issues and how it can and does affect and shape our view on sensuality..

Medusa Honey...U are a stone cold FOX.....

and I can Honestly say I LOVE a woman with curves. But more than that I love a woman thats comfortable in her body. Maybe thats becuase I hope to learn how to become more comfortable in mine.
Thank you for this thread...and while it might seem like I just like starting shit I assure you I am not. I am truley interested in the perception of others and I look foward to further communications with you all.....

Here is my question....
Being a Curvacious woman, is there anyone in the media or literary world that inspires you (me, us) to be not just comfortable but also aware of your sexiness in a positive way?

Peace and Love

[HeartBreak Kid]

dear haters,

i dont want to be angry at you. i dont want to give you any of my time or any space in my head. you will never be worth it. i may be fat...but you're stupid and i'd rather be me than you. stupid is ugly. fat is simply more of me...and that's always a good thing.

p.s. i dont have a "weight problem". you have a problem with my weight.


:hippie:

YOU ROCK TO THE 10TH POWER...:clap:....Thank you
Peace and Love

[SassyLeo]

Here is Portland, we have a shop called Fat Fancy (http://www.fatfancyfashions.com/index.html)!

It is owned by 2 amazing Queer Femmes (http://wweek.com/editorial/3605/13445/) in our community. For several years, they held sales in basements and at festivals to raise money for the shop. And even got a grant from Intuit! Now they have a full storefront-

Beth Ditto (http://www.zimbio.com/Beth+Ditto/articles/3uGtaEGEHlP/Beth+Ditto+s+Fashion+Style) has been a true advocate as well, and I believe they even carry some of her clothing line!

I don't think they have online shopping yet, but if you are even here in town... we could go together!

[hippieflowergirl]

Here is Portland, we have a shop called Fat Fancy (http://www.fatfancyfashions.com/index.html)!

It is owned by 2 amazing Queer Femmes (http://wweek.com/editorial/3605/13445/) in our community. For several years, they held sales in basements and at festivals to raise money for the shop. And even got a grant from Intuit! Now they have a full storefront-

Beth Ditto (http://www.zimbio.com/Beth+Ditto/articles/3uGtaEGEHlP/Beth+Ditto+s+Fashion+Style) has been a true advocate as well, and I believe they even carry some of her clothing line!

I don't think they have online shopping yet, but if you are even here in town... we could go together!



i enjoy beth ditto quite a bit. if only had been that confident in my "youth"! now i just have to come and visit so we can go shopping!

[Softly]

no idea what this thread is about because I am about to go out for break but I love my curves....and all of yours too. xoxo

:aslIloveyou:

[Inuus]

Camryn Manheim. If you havent read her book "Wake Up, I'm Fat" you should. Great book funny as heck. She talks about what she went through because of her size in Hollywood etc very candid




Here is my question....
Being a Curvacious woman, is there anyone in the media or literary world that inspires you (me, us) to be not just comfortable but also aware of your sexiness in a positive way?

Peace and Love

[always2late]

I really like this thread. I am all for celebration of, and acceptance of self....no matter what shape or size. And its good to see lots of folks with healthy body images who don't feel the need to conform to society's idea that beauty only comes in a size 2.

There are a few posts that are kinda troubling me though....and maybe its none of my business (but when has that ever kept my mouth shut before? lol)

I read a post by Ol' Jet...and I found it very sad. The end of a relationship is never easy...and that ending sounded particularly painful. There is one thing I have to say though...there seems to be a rush of judgement about how Jet conducted himself. That the woman he was seeing ended the relationship because of how he felt, or how he couldn't "accept" her.

I know neither party involved, and I have no idea why the relationship ended...however, I read the post as him telling his side of it in hindsight. We have no idea what the woman felt, or did not feel.

From what I read, this person was, at best, dishonest. I am not a small girl, and as a mother and a 42-year-old I will never again look the way I did at 21 (nor would I want to really), but I have never lied about how I look, or what size I wear. How can you build a relationship based on a lie? Look, no matter what we say, relationships are usually begun based on attraction. And no matter what kind of intellectual, or emotional attachment one feels for another....if there is no physical attraction, then the relationship will not really get off the ground. Who knows if the relationship discussed in the post would have started or lasted had the woman been honest from the beginning....the point is, she wasn't. And, from what I read, despite the initial reaction...he wanted it to work because of the person he believed she was. I really don't see the fault in that.

And, no matter why the relationship ended....I think any human being deserves to be told in person that their relationship is over. Email just doesn't cut it. I also find the circumstances a little odd....the woman disappears and then sends an email saying that they don't "fit". Come on...I just think that's wrong. Whatever the reason that it ended, he at least deserved to be told to his face. That's just a matter of respect.

Sigh....ok...off the soapbox. I'm tired and probably not making much sense anyway. G'night thread.

[Gemme]

http://www.megansminute.com/images/2008/05/19/whitneythompsonfirstplussizeameri_2.jpg



".....the phrase "plus-sized model" is a relative term. Whitney [Thompson...the 'PLUS SIZED' winner of a cycle of "America's Next Top Model" a few months back] says she's a size 10 and though in the modeling world, that's considered big enough to call for a forklift, in the real world that's considered, dare I say it...pretty normal.

Yikes. This sort of thing makes normal girls feel even worse about themselves. They see this fairly trim woman being praised as “plus-size” and then think, “Well, if that’s plus-size, I must be grossly obese!”

I'm conflicted with what you are saying, Kathlene. On one hand, I watch ANTM and have been very happy to see that Tyra has actively selected and promoted girls who do not fit the "model" stereotype. I loved that Whitney won her season too. So, in that particular situation, I think this is a wonderful thing.

However, I see your point that, even though it's a good thing (above), our viewpoint of what is and is not obese or normal or plus-size is very distorted.

I'm not someone who may be 'qualified' per se to discuss my personal body issues here (though I LOVED what June said about body issues coming in all sizes), but those who are struggling, please know that, no matter what you see around you, you are not alone.

[always2late]

Ok...so maybe "dishonest" is a little harsh. Maybe misrepresentation is a better word.

I just think that if you are going to take the time to send a picture...and describe yourself to someone differently then you actually appear..then there are other issues going on. As you said, it shouldn't matter....so why hide it? Let it all hang out and let the chips fall where they may...that's my policy. If someone doesn't like the way I look, or judges me based on my size, hair color, etc...then good for em. Less of my time wasted.

psst...by the way...I've seen a pic of your wife...and I think she is beautiful! :)

[Pixie]

http://www.spraygraphic.com/storage/member_files/2449/picture/600_38590c338fa1cebaafa59167f42829d2.jpg

[hippieflowergirl]

I'm conflicted with what you are saying, Kathlene. On one hand, I watch ANTM and have been very happy to see that Tyra has actively selected and promoted girls who do not fit the "model" stereotype. I loved that Whitney won her season too. So, in that particular situation, I think this is a wonderful thing.

However, I see your point that, even though it's a good thing (above), our viewpoint of what is and is not obese or normal or plus-size is very distorted.

I'm not someone who may be 'qualified' per se to discuss my personal body issues here (though I LOVED what June said about body issues coming in all sizes), but those who are struggling, please know that, no matter what you see around you, you are not alone.


hi Gemme-a-roo!

i think Whitney is drop dead gorgeous! i should be so plus sized! i'm glad that she won ANTM at a size 10 but i hate that she's called a "plus sized model" when she's 2 sizes smaller than the average american woman (who is typically a size 14. (i hear 12 to 14 is the median). the words posted under her photo arent mine. (hence the quotes)

having worked in high end fashion i've watched the sizes assigned to women's clothing fluctuate into something almost unrecognizable. some time in the early tomid-90s the fit standard we were used to downsized...in other words a size 12 became a size 10, a size 6 became a size 4 and etc. the sizing shift didnt take place globally by any means. so if you're a size 8 in the US you may not be a size 8 elsewhere. there is no single standard for women's clothing. men's clothing has something close to stability with regard to sizing because much of what they wear is based on waist and chest size in inches (in the US anyway) and sized that way (i.e.: jeans come in waist/length denominations like 36/34 and so on, jackets & suits are measured and/or tailored based on actual measurements rather than on random numbers like "size 8").

~~~~~~~~~

on other fronts....why fat? why is THAT so important? it's the same as having brown hair. or being short. or whatever. it's superficial. it has absolutely nothing to do with the worth of a person any more than gender, race, culture of origin, sexuality has.

so what's the scoop? are we so pathetic a species that we feel better about dragging others down in order to pull ourselves up than we do about tending to the cultivation of our own characters and leaving that of others alone?

really?

:hippie:

[Gemme]

hi Gemme-a-roo!

i think Whitney is drop dead gorgeous! i should be so plus sized! i'm glad that she won ANTM at a size 10 but i hate that she's called a "plus sized model" when she's 2 sizes smaller than the average american woman (who is typically a size 14. (i hear 12 to 14 is the median). the words posted under her photo arent mine. (hence the quotes)

Ah, Hell. I need new glasses. I saw the quotes, but didn't 'seeeeee' the quotes, yanno? Sight? One. Comprehension? Zip. :blink:

~~~~~~~~~

on other fronts....why fat? why is THAT so important? it's the same as having brown hair. or being short. or whatever. it's superficial. it has absolutely nothing to do with the worth of a person any more than gender, race, culture of origin, sexuality has.

so what's the scoop? are we so pathetic a species that we feel better about dragging others down in order to pull ourselves up than we do about tending to the cultivation of our own characters and leaving that of others alone?

really?

:hippie:

Um, yes. The human race has many good qualities such as the capacity to love, to have kindness and compassion, to protect fiercely and to maintain honor and integrity. Having said that, we eat our young, our families, our friends, our coworkers, our roommates as well as complete strangers.

Of course, this is a generalization and I realize that there are completely respectable people out there who don't make a practice out of putting others down or stepping onto the bent backs of others, but damn near everyone I know.....myself included....has done that to someone at least once. We may have thought it was justified at the time or maybe just didn't care, but that is how many function on a regular basis. How they evaluate themselves is based solely on their place in the hierarchy of wherever they are...work, home, church (the irony, right?)...and the appearance of someone who doesn't fit in that individual's world just so sticks out and attracts their negative attention like blood in the water for sharks.

That person may be brilliant (a heart surgeon, maybe) or honorable (Purple Heart recipient, perhaps) or beautiful (Miss USA, 1989, possibly) but if that person is super curvy, then that is all they see. So many people don't see past the exterior.

Or maybe it's that they see a reflection of themself somehow and attack the other person because of their self-loathing in a twisted effort to eliminate or shrink whatever it is about them that they hate....or maybe I need to put down the psych book and stop thinking about what's in someone else's head. *shrug*

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jack,

You are one very lucky guy to have Medusa for a wife! :tease:

I am a very heavy guy. I used to be very thin, but I took steroids for a couple of years for pneum. and bronch., and the after effects of that. I gained all my weight then. I was always called fat. I know how demeaning it is. I know what it's like to be pointed at in public, or staired at. Not only am I fat, but a ftm and I'm slow, and it is very obvious to the public. Society sucks when it comes to weight issues. So does the medical community.

Personally, I like women with curves. They rock my world! :boxers: :cheer: :devil:

[HeartBreak Kid]

Phenomenal Woman ~Maya Angelou~
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.

I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me. :bowdown:

Peace and Love :sparklyheart:

[Medusa]

PREACH!

Every time I read this poem, I hear it being read back to me in Janet Jackson's voice in my head from the time I saw the movie "Poetic Justice". :)

One of my favorites!

[Leigh]

I just came in tonight to show My love for bigger women :)

To all the beautiful BBW ladies that rawk our world, thank you for simply being you :rose:

[Lynn]

I just have a couple of disparate thoughts after reading the thread and looking at some others, too.

1. This discussion is, for me, about self-image and self-validation. Someone who is "only" ten or twenty pounds overweight (or pick a number) shouldn't be maligned or dismissed for seeing themselves in this discussion. I don't think it's really about a number, per se, as much as a broader discussion of self-perception and how that affects how we are seen in the world. At 5'ish tall, I'd personally be quite pleased to be in a size 12, even though that would likely mean that, by all accounts, I'd still be significantly overweight. How big does big have to be to qualify to be able to relate to feeling self-hatred and experiencing the derision of others?

2. I haven't quite reconciled these two beliefs:
-We should not be criticized for having sexual and romantic preferences. Attraction is a personal thing and I have no right to judge others as I believe they have no business judging me.
-The inability or unwillingness to view me for who I am, not what I look like, is hateful and unacceptable.

3. As much as I think (in my brain) that it's very nice that some butches are posting things about how wonderful big femmes are, my guts tend to churn. Not sure why. Maybe something to do with the idea that this reinforces the idea that women are supposed to be shored up from the outside, by the validation and acceptance of others, rather than learning how to do this for themselves, from the inside out. I'd rather be engaged in an intelligent discussion about something I share with another person than to be told, kind of wholesale, that I am one of the rockin' big, beautiful women. Sorry. It makes me go "ewww," which I own as my problem.

[KayCee]

To come back to what I said in an earlier post:

It was not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings, and if I did, I apologize.

It not easy for me to express my feelings and to write what I really mean, what I actually want to say sometimes and it comes to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I should have taken the time to explain, but I didn't, I felt intimidated instead.

From the reactions, I have learned to be either more precise in choosing my words or not say anything at all.

A few last words: Personality, is what counts for me, what makes me feel attracted to that person, and it has nothing to do with size. I think it's sad, how people in general, automatically put over size woman in a 'box', meaning because they're fat (I really don't like that word) they don't have anything much / else to 'offer' either.

Kat

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am just dropping by to give my love and support to all the BBW here! You ladies rock my world! :bunchflowers: :bouquet:
:gimmehug:

Andrew
:bowdown: :pipe: :cigar:
:dogwalking: :football:
:waterski:

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jack,

I don't understand why airplanes require you to buy 2 seats. I just don't understand this at all. But yet they allow you to bring on a small dog/cat in a carrier to put under your seat. I am so confused on this.

I always ask for seat extenders. I have yet to be given a positive response by the plane waitress or whatever they call themselves nowadays. It is usually thrown at me or Rosie or whoever is sitting next to me. It is like I am imposing on them. I don't get it.

Andrew

[theoddz]

Jack,

I don't understand why airplanes require you to buy 2 seats. I just don't understand this at all. But yet they allow you to bring on a small dog/cat in a carrier to put under your seat. I am so confused on this.

I always ask for seat extenders. I have yet to be given a positive response by the plane waitress or whatever they call themselves nowadays. It is usually thrown at me or Rosie or whoever is sitting next to me. It is like I am imposing on them. I don't get it.

Andrew

Hey there Andrew. :)

I totally "get" where you're coming from in this post. I, too, am a "person of size" and I'm also a "differently abled" person, too, in that I've got two titanium knees and have limited range of motion/movement in them. I have, in the past, bought 2 seats and have asked for seatbelt extenders on many flights. What gets me more than the small seats is the lack of leg room, or space between rows of seats. I have to have the room of two seats because I have to sit sideways in order to not have to contort my knees into a position where I'm in agony. I don't know why they have undersized both seats and leg room on so many planes. I was bitching to my mother about it one day, though, and she's a smaller sized person. This is what she told me.

"All the airplanes have to sell is space. That is their commodity and that is their only way of making money. When a person takes up more than the allotted amount of individual space, the airlines expect that person to pay extra for the extra space."

Now, I certainly don't agree with charging some folks more money for "space for one person", but I see the airlines' point about wanting to get their money for space used. It's a double-edged situation. What I find to be extra chintzy on their part is how the airlines seem to have made the seats and leg room even smaller than before. My father and stepmother, who are both seriously thin and of short to average height (they're old), go back and to from Las Vegas to Honolulu, Hawaii, several times a year. They usually fly on Hawaiian Airlines. I've heard them remark on more than one occasion how the seats are even too small for them!! Now, if the airlines are purposely reducing the size of the seats in order to make even average sized people uncomfortable enough to have to purchase an extra seat, then I think that's a dishonest and shitty policy and one that everyone, thin AND plus sized, should be complaining about. I also don't agree with the way they charge for a checked bag, but again, it's a space thing and they have a right to get compensated for space used. The next shitty thing they'll be doing is charging for the space we use to store our wheelchairs and motorized scooters/chairs. :|

I'm a bigger guy, so I take up more space. I guess I need to pay them for the space I take up, even if it's just so I can get enough space for these titanium knees. :(

As for the shitty looks and snide comments from the asshole contingent, well....that's what your middle finger is for. :winky:

Sorry for the derail, folks. :spank:

All the best,
~Theo~ :bouquet:

[Andrew, Jr.]

Dear Jack and Theo,

Thank you for your help. I never could figure it out. It just made no sense to me.

The knee room is horrible. I had Osgood Slatters Disease in both knees growing up. And now I have rhum. arth. I too try to fly 1st class all the time just because of the leg room. The pain is not tolerable for me. Like Theo, I go crazy with that.

Thanks again guys!

Andrew

[Leigh]

I just wanted to come in here and show My love for all of the beautiful BBW women that rawk our world :rose:

[sweetfemme247]

Hello everyone,

I have been a member here for awhile now but I havent really posted, I am a BBW and I love it. I also know braedon hello dear one.

[Princess4u]

Do you know what I find the most sad in this world? Well I am gonna tell you.......All too often I hear the femmes, the butches and the persons of transgender, cry a bucket of tears about the lack of a honest, true love in their lives. I too am in this group, sad to say and I am no different than the rest of you. What amazes me is that there are so many of us struggling to find our forever girl/boi/ boy, that we forget there is a population of people who feel lost on the side lines. That would be us!!!! I know I would make someone a good partner, for I am a wonderful person. Yet because all they can see is my outside, which I am lucky to say is well proportioned and feminine...yet large!!! I have written a poem I will post in the poety section, it may seem childish to some, for I am not a well versed person. But I write from my heart and my experiences from life...which for the most part of have been all too unkind in nature. I wish for all of us, not just myself, that society would see us for what we are not the sterotypical mold they THINK we fit into. I wish that all the butches and femmes and transpersons, would see US for what we have inside our hearts and that is an undying need to love and be loved by a kind and gentle person who loves us for the person we are and the person we may become in time. If society would grant us the chance, oh what a glorious world this would be...to be loved not for being the fair skinny princess I long to be...but for the voluptuous princess filled with a kindess and a love you only read about in fairytales or see in movies. Where does it say that skinny people are any greater at loving than we are?

[bigbutchmistie]

Hello all you beautiful BBW femmes :) I hope you all are doing wonderfully. I just thought I would drop in on this board. First time I have seen it here. Since I started. Well I have not been on much lately. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening

[Stoney]

Okay.. not here for any other reason than to say.....

you Beautiful lucious Goddessess......

stop stop stop!!!!! whether its 20lbs or 100lbs 0r 200lbs society tells you you are OVERWEIGHT... so f'n what???

do YOU Love YOU????? would you love you more if you were only 50lbs over what is determined ( by society standards or whatever) .... would you love yourself more?

listen , For the very first time in 35 yrs my life I am under 200lbs. I have been 500 pds.

My taste has not changed.... not one bit....


No thin woman could keep my attention if large lovely woman is nearby.

[Princess4u]

My Dearest Stoney...thank you for your tender, loving words...and how true they are!! It is different for each of us, yet the same. I congratulate you on your success and hope that you continue on your journey.

[Leigh]

Hello everyone,

I have been a member here for awhile now but I havent really posted, I am a BBW and I love it. I also know braedon hello dear one.

(((((((((everett))))))) I'm very glad your here hun, you fit in just perfectly and its always wonderful to see a familiar face here on the Planet :)

Do you know what I find the most sad in this world? Well I am gonna tell you.......All too often I hear the femmes, the butches and the persons of transgender, cry a bucket of tears about the lack of a honest, true love in their lives. I too am in this group, sad to say and I am no different than the rest of you. What amazes me is that there are so many of us struggling to find our forever girl/boi/ boy, that we forget there is a population of people who feel lost on the side lines. That would be us!!!! I know I would make someone a good partner, for I am a wonderful person. Yet because all they can see is my outside, which I am lucky to say is well proportioned and feminine...yet large!!! I have written a poem I will post in the poety section, it may seem childish to some, for I am not a well versed person. But I write from my heart and my experiences from life...which for the most part of have been all too unkind in nature. I wish for all of us, not just myself, that society would see us for what we are not the sterotypical mold they THINK we fit into. I wish that all the butches and femmes and transpersons, would see US for what we have inside our hearts and that is an undying need to love and be loved by a kind and gentle person who loves us for the person we are and the person we may become in time. If society would grant us the chance, oh what a glorious world this would be...to be loved not for being the fair skinny princess I long to be...but for the voluptuous princess filled with a kindess and a love you only read about in fairytales or see in movies. Where does it say that skinny people are any greater at loving than we are?

I can honestly say that I have been with both skinner partners as well as bigger partners, and being a big guy Myself I've always had an eye for a beautiful BBW lady. Each and everyone of us deserves to be loved; no one person or group of people deserve to be loved more than another group of people. My BBW gals rawk My world, and thats just how its always going to be for Me :givingarose:

Hello all you beautiful BBW femmes :) I hope you all are doing wonderfully. I just thought I would drop in on this board. First time I have seen it here. Since I started. Well I have not been on much lately. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening

Its always great to see you here My friend :thumbsup:

Okay.. not here for any other reason than to say.....

you Beautiful lucious Goddessess......

stop stop stop!!!!! whether its 20lbs or 100lbs 0r 200lbs society tells you you are OVERWEIGHT... so f'n what???

do YOU Love YOU????? would you love you more if you were only 50lbs over what is determined ( by society standards or whatever) .... would you love yourself more?

listen , For the very first time in 35 yrs my life I am under 200lbs. I have been 500 pds.

My taste has not changed.... not one bit....


No thin woman could keep my attention if large lovely woman is nearby.


I just have to give you a HUGE thumbs up for this post Stoney :thumbsup:

[Pixie]

http://www.zingerbug.com/Comments/glitter_graphics/bbw_proud_and_beautiful.gif

[sweetfemme247]

Hello everyone, just stopping by to show my love to everyone

[bigbutchmistie]

Hi beautiful ladies. I hope you all are having a wonderful evening :)

[IrishGrrl]

I"m fat and fucking fabulous.

That is all....

[Princess4u]

AMEN.....IRISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^ 5

[Stoney]

just stopping in to say good nite all... i intend to dream of nice round thick legs . sportin some high heel pumps.....keepin my ears warm.......uh huh... yes in-fk'n- deedy.......:bowdown::fuck::weightlifter::bowdown: :gimmehug:
sweet dreams.........





<----- chin rides here!!!!!!... no weight limit!

[Princess4u]

Stoney sweetie...we have to talk LOL

Miss talking to ya...hugz....and smooches..

[Stoney]

we DO. Indeed darlin'.... um....... but what about???

(snicker)

[Princess4u]

Well it never hurts to talk huh????

[Princess4u]

To all of my BBW BFP friends! But mostly for those of us who wont get that card or flowers....I wish all of you a Happy Valentines Day...filled with the love only you can bathe yourself in!!! For we must love ourselves first before someone else can love us and accept us as we are.!!! I love you all as we share a common thread together....humanity!!!!So from my heart to yours..I gift you my friendship, my understanding and my unconditional love!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!!

http://i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx4/princess4u_photo/imagesCA0H89TB.jpg

[bigbutchmistie]

To all you single beautiful femmes. I hope that you all know that when you are alone tomorrow, that my wish for you is that next year you all have the butch of your dreams that is making all your wants and wishes come true....


Here is roses for all of you..... :rose:

[KayCee]

http://disney-myspace.com/comments/valentines-day/HappyValentineDayBalloons_molly.gif

Wish you all a wonderful day!

[Stoney]

:bowdown:HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!:bowdown:
to all those big beautiful sexy womyn that rock my world!!!!!


:hendrix::drool::bellydancer::rockband::danceparty :


lust ya lots!!!!


Stoney

[Princess4u]

Ok...perhaps this is another of millions of moments of insecurity and self persecution! So forgive me if this sounds like a pity party...but somehow I think all of you have had these same parties all of your lives, so I hope you understand my weakness at this moment.
Sometime, when you are talking to someone and things just seem to be perfect, perhapt too perfect, and you begin to get that little glimmer of hope....you know the one!! Ahhh and now it comes time for the picture exchange or the verbal request for a physical description, this is usually the part I tend to start looking at something online...just to cushion the blow you knonw distraction. Ahhh and time lingers like a heavy black cloud above you and you feel that overwhelming sense of failure yet once again. Then you get the all too used.."nice pic" followed by the "oh I didnt realize it was so late, I need to get to bed!" Your fears yet once more become another reality. Failure doesnt seem to express how you feel. You want to stand up and say..."well tough shit...their loss, not mine!" And you very well may, but deep down in side...hell not even deep down just slightly under the first layer...you are agonizing. Wondering, how can people say how wonderful I am....and yet be so undesirable. Beauty isnt about size, at least thats what we tell ourselves...in all of our support groups...but you know what...it is to the rest of the fucking world. (sorry for the poo poo mouth)

So you start the process of collapsing back into yourself. Hiding even deeper than before. Determine that this time....i am not going down that path, of flirtations and mind games. Just realize the reality of it all and save yourself the agaony. You start trying to psych yourself out for a lifetime of tears and Tv dinners. Going places you dreamed of, yet no one there to share the memory with you. Actin silly and goofing off...but who will you tickle and play rough house with, no one! Finally getting used to imagining that your pillow had arms and a strong shoulder for you to cuddle up to and cry yourself to sleep everynight, for a lifetime left. Funny how those arms never seem to grow.

Thank you for listening to me babble.!!!! Just gets so much to bare sometimes, and really no one to talk to...so thank you for this outlet.

[Stoney]

I read this post and I just have to comment.
first to you Princess,
Yes I have felt that way, ,like for some reason i would not measure up in the real world. I used to talk and flirt and the minute they started talking to me in any personal way or requesting pics I would just accidently ""on purpose" get booted.so yes darlin, I have felt like that. But....... I have to say many people feel like that cause of their nose, or their crooked ear, or large scar somewhere, we all feel inadequate in some way. Usually people that are hot and know they are hot, and feel they are perfect in everywa (on the outside ) dont have any personality cause they think their beauty is enough, are self centered and that is because they fell they have no challenge and usually are intelectually and spiritually dumb as all shit.I dont know but I would rather be with homeliest person in the world, if they could hold an intelligent conversation, than some person who most would consider a "10". I made my self a promise several years ago that I would never again " lower my intelligence" to comprimise in a relationship, that weeded a bunch out right there. Plus It helped me feel much more confident in choosing my friends. The next thing I did was be me, Big as I was , unhealthy as I was, excetera. that weeded out a bunch more, I started being more honest about my oppinions and when I spoke them even to those I knew it might offend, it impowered me.
well... I want to say oh yeah ... then I met all these amazing people after that, all my best friends and lovers....

no I did not. infact I lost many people , I later realized these people never really knew or " respected the real me. yeah, i was lonely, for a while. but you know what? I was lonely before because it wasnt a real relationship because I wasnt being a real person. and neither were they.

Princess I have seen your picture, to me you are absolutely gorgeous, you have the cutest curls and the prettiest smile, but you are also very intelligent, funny and somone I would like to become friends with.

It really is never worth feeling like a person has to make some sort of sacrifice to be with you, like "they are usually not with a big girl " or feeling you have to apologize of the way you look how much you weigh, or anything at all, really.

Those fools that all of a sudden hang up or back off after seeing your picture didnt care enough about your "mind " to stick it out. " fuck those kind of people!" what they think of you is only for their own selfish reasons. I Say scream it, " Im proud, Im beautiful, Im interesting, Im fun, Im lovable, oh yeah and....Im fat, Mother F'r and I might get even fatter soooooooyou dont like it?

Kick rocks then!!!!!!!!

We are so much more than the " soul vehicle" we ride in........

(just for the record , this butch thinks your ride is mighty fine )


Dont let those Kind of idiots determine what you are worth,how you feel about your self, or put you in a category, create yourself and then set your own value.

much peace, Stoney(f)










Ok...perhaps this is another of millions of moments of insecurity and self persecution! So forgive me if this sounds like a pity party...but somehow I think all of you have had these same parties all of your lives, so I hope you understand my weakness at this moment.
Sometime, when you are talking to someone and things just seem to be perfect, perhapt too perfect, and you begin to get that little glimmer of hope....you know the one!! Ahhh and now it comes time for the picture exchange or the verbal request for a physical description, this is usually the part I tend to start looking at something online...just to cushion the blow you knonw distraction. Ahhh and time lingers like a heavy black cloud above you and you feel that overwhelming sense of failure yet once again. Then you get the all too used.."nice pic" followed by the "oh I didnt realize it was so late, I need to get to bed!" Your fears yet once more become another reality. Failure doesnt seem to express how you feel. You want to stand up and say..."well tough shit...their loss, not mine!" And you very well may, but deep down in side...hell not even deep down just slightly under the first layer...you are agonizing. Wondering, how can people say how wonderful I am....and yet be so undesirable. Beauty isnt about size, at least thats what we tell ourselves...in all of our support groups...but you know what...it is to the rest of the fucking world. (sorry for the poo poo mouth)

So you start the process of collapsing back into yourself. Hiding even deeper than before. Determine that this time....i am not going down that path, of flirtations and mind games. Just realize the reality of it all and save yourself the agaony. You start trying to psych yourself out for a lifetime of tears and Tv dinners. Going places you dreamed of, yet no one there to share the memory with you. Actin silly and goofing off...but who will you tickle and play rough house with, no one! Finally getting used to imagining that your pillow had arms and a strong shoulder for you to cuddle up to and cry yourself to sleep everynight, for a lifetime left. Funny how those arms never seem to grow.

Thank you for listening to me babble.!!!! Just gets so much to bare sometimes, and really no one to talk to...so thank you for this outlet.

[Princess4u]

I read this post and I just have to comment.
first to you Princess,
Yes I have felt that way, ,like for some reason i would not measure up in the real world. I used to talk and flirt and the minute they started talking to me in any personal way or requesting pics I would just accidently ""on purpose" get booted.so yes darlin, I have felt like that. But....... I have to say many people feel like that cause of their nose, or their crooked ear, or large scar somewhere, we all feel inadequate in some way. Usually people that are hot and know they are hot, and feel they are perfect in everywa (on the outside ) dont have any personality cause they think their beauty is enough, are self centered and that is because they fell they have no challenge and usually are intelectually and spiritually dumb as all shit.I dont know but I would rather be with homeliest person in the world, if they could hold an intelligent conversation, than some person who most would consider a "10". I made my self a promise several years ago that I would never again " lower my intelligence" to comprimise in a relationship, that weeded a bunch out right there. Plus It helped me feel much more confident in choosing my friends. The next thing I did was be me, Big as I was , unhealthy as I was, excetera. that weeded out a bunch more, I started being more honest about my oppinions and when I spoke them even to those I knew it might offend, it impowered me.
well... I want to say oh yeah ... then I met all these amazing people after that, all my best friends and lovers....

no I did not. infact I lost many people , I later realized these people never really knew or " respected the real me. yeah, i was lonely, for a while. but you know what? I was lonely before because it wasnt a real relationship because I wasnt being a real person. and neither were they.

Princess I have seen your picture, to me you are absolutely gorgeous, you have the cutest curls and the prettiest smile, but you are also very intelligent, funny and somone I would like to become friends with.

It really is never worth feeling like a person has to make some sort of sacrifice to be with you, like "they are usually not with a big girl " or feeling you have to apologize of the way you look how much you weigh, or anything at all, really.

Those fools that all of a sudden hang up or back off after seeing your picture didnt care enough about your "mind " to stick it out. " fuck those kind of people!" what they think of you is only for their own selfish reasons. I Say scream it, " Im proud, Im beautiful, Im interesting, Im fun, Im lovable, oh yeah and....Im fat, Mother F'r and I might get even fatter soooooooyou dont like it?

Kick rocks then!!!!!!!!

We are so much more than the " soul vehicle" we ride in........

(just for the record , this butch thinks your ride is mighty fine )


Dont let those Kind of idiots determine what you are worth,how you feel about your self, or put you in a category, create yourself and then set your own value.

much peace, Stoney(f)

Thank You Stoney for your kind words of support.

And on the surface I do agree...but I think, my heart just have the fight left to keep getting knocked down again and again...especially over something which seems so insignificant and shallow... and you better becareful ppl are gonna think you like me or something LOL!! just teasing...

[Stoney]

I aint skeered............


(btw in case you havent noticed I truly dont give a damn what people think.....)


peace, Stoney

[Princess4u]

I aint skeered............


(btw in case you havent noticed I truly dont give a damn what people think.....)


peace, Stoney

well yes I had noticed LOL..and thats all good!!!! we are in chat if you want btw:danceparty:

[bigbutchmistie]

Hello how was everyone's Hump Day :)

[Princess4u]

Just wondering.......when will it be ok to say "thank you" when someone tells me I am pretty? Actually, I suppose the question is, when will I ever believe they are actually speaking the truth? Just a thought!

[bigbutchmistie]

Just wondering.......when will it be ok to say "thank you" when someone tells me I am pretty? Actually, I suppose the question is, when will I ever believe they are actually speaking the truth? Just a thought!

Hugs you are beautiful my friend. Inside and out. :)

[Princess4u]

What if???
What if the majority of the world was a size 14 and that was the norm. The is what was considered beautiful, graceful classic. Instead of advertisments for diet control food filled with unnatural chemicals and preservatives, we had ads filled with fresh and natural, healthy and not focused on weight loss. What if we enabled our workers to have a stress free work environment allowing more freedom to encoumpass family and mental/physical health. What if we didnt look at one another based upon size and looked at one another for who he/she is...human. What if????

suicide rates would mostly likely drop
work productivity would mostly likely increase
self esteem would definitly increase
would crime change?
over all ppl may be a larger size but they would be healther
skinny doesnt mean healthy and fat doesnt mean unhealthy
think about that...be healthy in the body you are in!!! and accept those around you for the place they are in...help them by being a mentor, an example.

Just something to ponder over!! for all of you as well as myself. much love and peace!

[bigbutchmistie]

Good Morning Everyone :) Have a great Monday

[bigbutchmistie]

Ok this thread needs some bumping :) Happy Hump Day everyone :)

[Pixie]

http://i704.photobucket.com/albums/ww41/Phillippi1100/BBW%20Love/Big_Girl__You_Are_Beautiful_by_sock.jpg

[IrishGrrl]

Happy Thursday to all my beautiful friends.

Princess, I know what you are going through. It's a daily battle sometimes, other times it comes easy..being confident. I would say that MOST people, regaurdless of size, have these issues. Feeling beautiful is a personal war, sometimes we may just win the battle..but in the end we must win the war. It's sort of like the elusive "happy". No one can make you happy in this world. You can only live your life to the fullest, and do what gives you joy. Reject society's vision of beauty. Claim your own. Be beautiful on the inside..work on YOU from the inside...and beauty will flow like a river.


much love,
Irish

[HeartBreak Kid]

http://cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129080570264122893.jpg

:stillheart:

[Princess4u]

Happy Thursday to all my beautiful friends.

Princess, I know what you are going through. It's a daily battle sometimes, other times it comes easy..being confident. I would say that MOST people, regaurdless of size, have these issues. Feeling beautiful is a personal war, sometimes we may just win the battle..but in the end we must win the war. It's sort of like the elusive "happy". No one can make you happy in this world. You can only live your life to the fullest, and do what gives you joy. Reject society's vision of beauty. Claim your own. Be beautiful on the inside..work on YOU from the inside...and beauty will flow like a river.


much love,
Irish

My dear Irish,
Thank you for your beautiful words..I know you are so very right. Yet even most recently like today....I was once again reminded of my unworthiness....because of my size...I hear all the time...wht a beautiful heart and soul I have...what a great wife i would make...what a great mother I would make....and that is followed by ...if only you were smaller.....For so many attraction and beauty runs skin deep....and if you are blessed to have someone who sees you differently....then what can I say...but.....that is one of the truest of blessings....I focus on other things now....not finding Mr right...but...more like what can I do to better help my community.....I dont feel I have any choices where this is concerned...but I thank you....and as I say..."a girl can dream"..dont mean it will come true....

[bigbutchmistie]

I agree with you Princess. For me on the butch side of things I hear all the time I would make a wonderful husband if I was smaller. So many rude crude things. I have come to say fuck em. If you cant love me for ALL of me. The n I dont need that in my life. And Id rather be alone than have fake love. :)

[Miss Scarlett]

My dear Irish,
Thank you for your beautiful words..I know you are so very right. Yet even most recently like today....I was once again reminded of my unworthiness....because of my size...I hear all the time...wht a beautiful heart and soul I have...what a great wife i would make...what a great mother I would make....and that is followed by ...if only you were smaller.....For so many attraction and beauty runs skin deep....and if you are blessed to have someone who sees you differently....then what can I say...but.....that is one of the truest of blessings....I focus on other things now....not finding Mr right...but...more like what can I do to better help my community.....I dont feel I have any choices where this is concerned...but I thank you....and as I say..."a girl can dream"..dont mean it will come true....

I agree with you Princess. For me on the butch side of things I hear all the time I would make a wonderful husband if I was smaller. So many rude crude things. I have come to say fuck em. If you cant love me for ALL of me. The n I dont need that in my life. And Id rather be alone than have fake love. :)

I've heard it too. That "if only you were smaller crap" comes from people who are definitely NOT worthy of you or your time.

I've lost 130 lbs over the last 17 months. I did it for me and no one else. (Health reasons - trying to avoid Type II diabetes and that ugly pancreatic cancer that killed my mother.) Shelia loves me for me and not for the "packaging." And I love her for just her. If she wants to lose weight for herself and her health I will stand by her. If she doesn't, I will still love and stand by her.

[Miss Scarlett]

Does anyone watch Ruby on the Style network? She got a really great attitude about life and isn't afraid to talk about how people's reactions/perceptions affect her.

[bigbutchmistie]

Does anyone watch Ruby on the Style network? She got a really great attitude about life and isn't afraid to talk about how people's reactions/perceptions affect her.

Yes I do. I love watching her. She is so sweet :)

[sweetfemme247]

oh i love ruby she is so pretty, I wish I could meet her.

[Princess4u]

I've heard it too. That "if only you were smaller crap" comes from people who are definitely NOT worthy of you or your time.

I've lost 130 lbs over the last 17 months. I did it for me and no one else. (Health reasons - trying to avoid Type II diabetes and that ugly pancreatic cancer that killed my mother.) Shelia loves me for me and not for the "packaging." And I love her for just her. If she wants to lose weight for herself and her health I will stand by her. If she doesn't, I will still love and stand by her.

You are both very blessed souls....congratulations on your loss Miss..that is remarkable. As I said and its sad but also wonderful.....that ppl like you and Shelia are rare....I am honest about my size...I dont try to make someone thing I am something that I am not....with that said....and you will love this one.....I have met ppl from here...and went to see them....and oh you should see the expression on their face as I am getting off the plane..now mind you...i have webcam...i send pics...and I am honest...I will tell you here i am a 22-24..closer to the 22...and yes...they are all about me while we are on the phone and getting to know one another...but real life....wow what a difference....then comes the ...lets be friends talk..LOL....which I find funny given that the day before I left....i was "the woman of her dreams"....LOL

[sweetfemme247]

I know how that is, I get that all the time, your not pretty enough, your to big, your to young, I say kiss my ass.

[Miss Scarlett]

I know how that is, I get that all the time, your not pretty enough, your to big, your to young, I say kiss my ass.

Yes!

Actually what I say is "Kiss my big, fat, fuzzy, lesbian a$$!" Well, now I say saggy instead of fat. But you get the idea.

Princess, I don't understand what the heck they were expecting if you sent them accurate pics...some people are just plain wierd. :wtf:

Equally annoying are the people who don't want overweight friends.

Or the ones that do - so they feel better about themselves. My former employer actually felt threatened by my weight loss! She equates a person's value to their weight. If I saw a mutual acquaintance and mentioned it to her her first question was about their weight. This included a friend who was recovering from breast cancer. She's very wrapped up in herself. For example - I had lost over 60 lbs and she did not notice until someone brought it to her attention. Then she came to me and said "Someone told me you lost over 60 lbs. Is that true?" I stood up and she nearly fell over.

Do you find that your weight makes you invisible to some people?

[Princess4u]

Yes!

Actually what I say is "Kiss my big, fat, fuzzy, lesbian a$$!" Well, now I say saggy instead of fat. But you get the idea.

Princess, I don't understand what the heck they were expecting if you sent them accurate pics...some people are just plain wierd. :wtf:

Equally annoying are the people who don't want overweight friends.

Or the ones that do - so they feel better about themselves. My former employer actually felt threatened by my weight loss! She equates a person's value to their weight. If I saw a mutual acquaintance and mentioned it to her her first question was about their weight. This included a friend who was recovering from breast cancer. She's very wrapped up in herself. For example - I had lost over 60 lbs and she did not notice until someone brought it to her attention. Then she came to me and said "Someone told me you lost over 60 lbs. Is that true?" I stood up and she nearly fell over.

Do you find that your weight makes you invisible to some people?

Well, just another way to think of your friend w cancer....perhaps she didnt notice your wt loss bc she never say you for your wt to begin w..she saw you for YOU!!! just a thought...and yes..i am invisible everyday!!! and for those few moments when i stick out like a sore thumb.....I have learned to go "into" hiding....but I do have my moments of..."here I am....take me or leave me the hell alone!" but I think that is just a front most of the time!

[Miss Scarlett]

Well, just another way to think of your friend w cancer....perhaps she didnt notice your wt loss bc she never say you for your wt to begin w..she saw you for YOU!!! just a thought...and yes..i am invisible everyday!!! and for those few moments when i stick out like a sore thumb.....I have learned to go "into" hiding....but I do have my moments of..."here I am....take me or leave me the hell alone!" but I think that is just a front most of the time!


Upon review of my post that you responded to, I realize that I can be a terrible writer...my friend with cancer noticed and supported my weight loss. It was my former employer who was so self-absorbed that she didn't notice until it was brought to her attention. Believe me, she saw my weight. Then she chose to ignore me dismissing me as fat and unworthy. She will never change. Of course I got the last laugh. She paid nearly $2,000 to a nutritionist in an effort to lose 10 lbs. When I left that job last summer she had lost 7 lbs but gained 9. Whereas I, by that time, had lost over 100 lbs and am still losing having lost 130 so far.

[Princess4u]

Upon review of my post that you responded to, I realize that I can be a terrible writer...my friend with cancer noticed and supported my weight loss. It was my former employer who was so self-absorbed that she didn't notice until it was brought to her attention. Believe me, she saw my weight. Then she chose to ignore me dismissing me as fat and unworthy. She will never change. Of course I got the last laugh. She paid nearly $2,000 to a nutritionist in an effort to lose 10 lbs. When I left that job last summer she had lost 7 lbs but gained 9. Whereas I, by that time, had lost over 100 lbs and am still losing having lost 130 so far.

WOW you go girl...congratulations.....i would love to hear your routine one day...i have tried so many products and support groups!!! so i am interested to see how your routine has changed your life

[Leigh]

I haven't seen anyone post in this thread in awhile, so I wanted to say hi to all of the beautiful BBW ladies who rawk our world :rose:

[RockOn]

This is where my attraction to femmes is geared ...to the plus size women ... hot, hot, hot, sexy and beautiful ... what an enormous turn on for me as long as it is not to the point of bringing on health problems.

[MysticOceansFL]

I've always liked BBW and I also noticed they have more confidents about themselfs than other woman do.

[nycfem]

Just linking up these two friendly threads :)

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=418 (Big Girl Love)

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?p=189859#post189859 (BBW)

[nycfem]

YouTube - Fatspiration #1

[Leigh]

*giving the thread a little bump*

[Electrocell]

I know how that is, I get that all the time, your not pretty enough, your to big, your to young, I say kiss my ass.

Hon tell them if they don't like what they see don't look .It will be their loss for not getting to know you.

[ScandalAndy]

I'm responding to this hella late, as usual, but the bolded bit below (alliteration, hehehe) really speaks to me. I find that because of my weight I am often immediately placed in the 'friend zone' when meeting potential partners. I also feel like most people don't look at big people as "sexual people", like we're some sort of anatomically devoid dolls that don't think about or have sex, because that's too gross or something. It bugs me, a lot.



Yes!

Actually what I say is "Kiss my big, fat, fuzzy, lesbian a$$!" Well, now I say saggy instead of fat. But you get the idea.

Princess, I don't understand what the heck they were expecting if you sent them accurate pics...some people are just plain wierd. :wtf:

Equally annoying are the people who don't want overweight friends.

Or the ones that do - so they feel better about themselves. My former employer actually felt threatened by my weight loss! She equates a person's value to their weight. If I saw a mutual acquaintance and mentioned it to her her first question was about their weight. This included a friend who was recovering from breast cancer. She's very wrapped up in herself. For example - I had lost over 60 lbs and she did not notice until someone brought it to her attention. Then she came to me and said "Someone told me you lost over 60 lbs. Is that true?" I stood up and she nearly fell over.

Do you find that your weight makes you invisible to some people?

[Electrocell]

I'm responding to this hella late, as usual, but the bolded bit below (alliteration, hehehe) really speaks to me. I find that because of my weight I am often immediately placed in the 'friend zone' when meeting potential partners. I also feel like most people don't look at big people as "sexual people", like we're some sort of anatomically devoid dolls that don't think about or have sex, because that's too gross or something. It bugs me, a lot.

Big people are ususally more sensuous and sexual from my experience.

[dixie]

I'm responding to this hella late, as usual, but the bolded bit below (alliteration, hehehe) really speaks to me. I find that because of my weight I am often immediately placed in the 'friend zone' when meeting potential partners. I also feel like most people don't look at big people as "sexual people", like we're some sort of anatomically devoid dolls that don't think about or have sex, because that's too gross or something. It bugs me, a lot.

Agreed. Ha! If they only knew how well we can rock their world! lol ;)

Actually, from my experience, I haven't really had an issue for the most part. Usually, if they have an issue, they aren't someone I would want to date anyway. Hell, even when I was skinny I wasn't skinny. I'm a thick girl, always have been. Yeah, I'd like to be a lil smaller than I am now, but I don't EVER wanna lose my curves. :praying:

[Electrocell]

Agreed. Ha! If they only knew how well we can rock their world! lol ;)

Actually, from my experience, I haven't really had an issue for the most part. Usually, if they have an issue, they aren't someone I would want to date anyway. Hell, even when I was skinny I wasn't skinny. I'm a thick girl, always have been. Yeah, I'd like to be a lil smaller than I am now, but I don't EVER wanna lose my curves. :praying:



Curves is always good :cheesy:.Agree would like to lose a few more pounds myself.

[ScandalAndy]

So femmes, where do you shop? Are there any particular styles you feel are complimentary to your curves?

For everyone: what's your favorite thing to wear that makes you feel amazing about yourself?

[Electrocell]

Bumping this thread

[smouldering]

Good morning to all :) I hope everyone is having a good Thursday morning so far, this whole thread has made me smile, I am a full figured curvy girl and although i try to be confident, i have those days where i just feel unattractive, sure i get compliments about being cute, beautiful etc.. and i appreciate that more then you know, but sometimes it is hard to ignore those that say.. you have a pretty face.. BUT or you would be so beautiful if you would lose weight ugh.. i hate that lol..
The older i get the more i've adapted the attitude of if you don't like me for me, curves and all then i have no time for you :) .. i am pretty awesome once you get to know me *grins*

[Scorp]

Hi,

All I know is that I LOVE women of all sizes, especially voluptuous women. Nothing but pure yumminess.

My honey was having some body issues one day moreso than the norm and not feeling too good about herself. Something she's struggled with for a very long time. Honestly, I love her no matter what size she and she's gorgeous inside and out is and this is a fact.

Unfortunately we live in a society who passes judgement on women, especially big beautiful women and it sucks.

Therefore, I would like to share my story with all you beautiful ladies:

I was actually at my massage spa and waiting for my appt. On the table were some books and this one caught my eye because it had a cute cover with a pig on it. It was called "The Pig of Happiness". I started flipping through the pages and while doing so came to the following pages and I found this to be endearing and beautiful in a cute but meaningful way. I took my cell phone and snapped a picture of it and sent it to my honey just to let her know I love her and her body no matter what.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_shgL_8CR1tc/S5aXjlXWjVI/AAAAAAAAJOE/E4ogu6rylH0/s1600/tree+015.JPG

I think you're all beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Lastly, to my precious, gorgeous wife: You are sexy, and yummy and I'm one lucky bastid :sunglass:

No need for me to say anything else. This speaks for itself.

[Rockinonahigh]

My gramps was from old world Italy,he once told grannie even after haveing 8 kids,helping him throughout life no mater what ever sise she was to be happy with her self because she had lived and loved life,to be proud when u look in the morror.

[Leigh]

Just passing through and saying just how much I love big girls ~ this guy will always drool over you :D

[LaDivina]

Lastly, to my precious, gorgeous wife: You are sexy, and yummy and I'm one lucky bastid :sunglass:

No need for me to say anything else. This speaks for itself.
Here's the Pig of Happiness! :flyingpig:

I love you, you crazy bastid. :kissy:

[Countyfem]

I have read thru this post and I have to tell you
You gave me back something I let someone take away, my self esteem, to believe that even though I'm a big woman I'm still sexy desirable and somewhere there is someone who will love me for me... all of me.
So from my big ol'Rubenesque heart (now less bruised) I thank you.

[clay]

Work it, Lady!!! OWN it...WEAR it...WALK it...STRUT it.....give it your all...for YOU are truly captivating...just being YOU!!! I have read thru this post and I have to tell you
You gave me back something I let someone take away, my self esteem, to believe that even though I'm a big woman I'm still sexy desirable and somewhere there is someone who will love me for me... all of me.
So from my big ol'Rubenesque heart (now less bruised) I thank you.

[Leigh]

Work it, Lady!!! OWN it...WEAR it...WALK it...STRUT it.....give it your all...for YOU are truly captivating...just being YOU!!!


My buddy here Clay said it perfectly and I second that motion as well :D

[Electrocell]

Good morning to all :) I hope everyone is having a good Thursday morning so far, this whole thread has made me smile, I am a full figured curvy girl and although i try to be confident, i have those days where i just feel unattractive, sure i get compliments about being cute, beautiful etc.. and i appreciate that more then you know, but sometimes it is hard to ignore those that say.. you have a pretty face.. BUT or you would be so beautiful if you would lose weight ugh.. i hate that lol..
The older i get the more i've adapted the attitude of if you don't like me for me, curves and all then i have no time for you :) .. i am pretty awesome once you get to know me *grins*

Good for you.

[msW8ing]

Popping to say Happy Friday to one and A/all..yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

[chris1life]

Its been a while it seems sense anything has been posted on here. So here goes. I love my body I'm a sexy chunky delicious woman. It took a long time to be comfortable with my wife telling me how hot I Am but With some kind words and support. I finally started seeing myself the way she does. Now I cant fit into a size 10 but when I look in the mirror I see ALL of my sexiness. I'm strong, healthy and fat. So to all of you big beautiful women out there that fell into this thread Because u feel bad about yourself. I say look in the mirror and LOVE those curves because you are freaking HOT!

[Licious]

Hi All,

I saw this thread, and was happy about it. I have tended to be somewhat chunky all my life, but not usually very large, and a change in medication piled on a lot of pounds last year. I may or may not lose it at some point, but it is going to be that way for a while due to health reasons.

Seemed at first, I had a hard time accepting myself or feeling pretty or sexy. I had a hard time believing I was attractive, in the dating sense.

Now that seems so odd... because I have dated very chunky butches and found them very handsome, I have seen many plump femmes and thought they were gorgeous and sexy. But for myself, I don't know... there was just a judgement.

I appreciate these posts so much.

So I am subscribing and today I posted, too! :bow:

[Gayandgray]

BUMP!!!!!!

[Dr_Finn]

I want to express appreciation for this thread; I have enjoyed reading it!

I’m not sure if the title “Big Girl Love” is meant to focus on femmes, and I say hurray for all of the positive thoughts here for fat femmes. I also want to say that I love fat butches too. Fat butches are substantial, we take up space, we are solid. Fat butches are handsome, and I feel blessed to be married to one, and to be one.

[Mel C.]

I want to express appreciation for this thread; I have enjoyed reading it!

I’m not sure if the title “Big Girl Love” is meant to focus on femmes, and I say hurray for all of the positive thoughts here for fat femmes. I also want to say that I love fat butches too. Fat butches are substantial, we take up space, we are solid. Fat butches are handsome, and I feel blessed to be married to one, and to be one.

Try this (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=726) thread!