I don't think she's out there

[lettertodaddy]

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable. :)

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

[pajama]

My Mom was 38, in a country she barely spoke the language when she met my divorced, alcoholic, Father. She had resigned herself to being single, taking care of her mother and mentally ill sister. Long story, short....they were married 34 years when he passed away.

You just never know when, where, or how love will find you. I have gone through times when I wasn't open to love, and who knows who has passed me by then...true. But at the time it's where I had to be, and I came out of it. I'm sure you'll come out of this stage where you will be open again to who may come your way.

Take this time to make friends. That's often the best place to start.

And you need waaaaaay more than one cat to become the crazy cat librarian. ;)

A

[The_Lady_Snow]

Girl enjoy singlehood!! Find a sexy black dress accessorize and go out for NYE have yourself a good time being single does not equate dead!!!

[ButchEire]

You say single like it's a bad thing. If you feel alone, increase the number of friends you have. I've been single for nearly 5 years and I have no intention of going back. I have more friends than I could have ever imagined and don't feel a compulsion to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into a relationship. I recognize it's different for everyone, but honestly, being single probably shouldn't be the primary reason for getting into a relationship.

[scootebaby]

being single should be looked at as a choice,not a default! like Snow said--enjoy being single!

[Mtn]

I think many of us have felt like, that perfect someone wasn't out there. At sometimes in our lives, it's the perfect person for the moment, for a year or 8 or 10. Life, and love are fluid. Love yourself first, and be successful at that. You just never know what is around the next corner.

[tapu]

Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.

[clay]

VERY well spoken, MTN! Thanks brutha!I think many of us have felt like, that perfect someone wasn't out there. At sometimes in our lives, it's the perfect person for the moment, for a year or 8 or 10. Life, and love are fluid. Love yourself first, and be successful at that. You just never know what is around the next corner.

[tazz]

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable. :)

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

***i completely... completely... completely and totally empathize with you on this one!!!

do your very best in turning this downer into a positive by enjoying the friends you do have and will make along the way in your journeys.

this took courage to post for you i'm sure... i applaud you for sharing.

and know this one thing... if not anything else... You Are Not Alone In This...

~right there with you,
the tazzmeister :)

[tazz]

You say single like it's a bad thing. If you feel alone, increase the number of friends you have. I've been single for nearly 5 years and I have no intention of going back. I have more friends than I could have ever imagined and don't feel a compulsion to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into a relationship. I recognize it's different for everyone, but honestly, being single probably shouldn't be the primary reason for getting into a relationship.

***ButchEire... i like you! i could not have said it any better. :)
*fist pump and a ^5 to ya! ;)

[BullDog]

I know what I say here will just sound like a bunch of cliches but here it goes.

Over 10 years ago I left a long term relationship of 13 years because I knew in my heart it wasn't all that I wanted. We were a very good couple in many ways but the deep passion just wasn't there. It was a very big risk for me to take leaving that relationship because I could have stayed quite comfortable. After that it was more than 10 years of very ups and downs (mostly downs) and a lot of mistakes made along the way. I never regretted my decision, but I became increasingly pessimistic that I would not find what I was looking for and wanted. To top it off I am a stone butch woman, which is a bit of a rare combination, so I thought that would make my chances even smaller.

I definitely found my One when I was least expecting it and after all those years of mishaps and disappointments. I had just been focusing on myself and cutting the ties from negativity and negative people. I had just moved into a new apartment and was focused on that and my websites and work. I was determined that I was just fine by myself, but I think deep down inside I never gave up to the possibility. We met right here on BFP and since first talking have been inseparable ever since, and I can't imagine anyone more perfect for me. It really does seem like a miracle, but it would have never happened if I had totally given up or settled for something not right for me.

I think a lot of it was good fortune and I can't guarantee the same can happen for anyone else, but I would say focus on yourself and keep your heart open to the possibilities of true love. I have really enjoyed reading your posts here and I truly believe you will be just fine either single or coupled. Best wishes to you. Don't stop believing in yourself or true love. They are both incredible things to enjoy and savor.

[Strappie]

First off.. I truly believe there IS someone for everyone.

This is just the way I think, my 2 cents.....

I do think there is someone out there for you. But in this time in your life you are putting too much into it or thinking about it too much. When you say you might be alone for the rest of your life, this to me is you feeling sorry for yourself. It's being negative in your thinking. When we continue to have negative words/thoughts then that is what is going to happen. I believe in thinking positive because when you do, things become more positive.

Being single is a time to heal and reflect and regain self worth. It's not a bad thing!!

I know this all too well. I was single for over 6 years. It felt as though I would never find someone. I realized I was depressed and negative towards my thoughts about myself and about having a relationship. It wasn't until I truly believed (again) in myself that I could open my heart up again and allow someone in. I have found someone that I truly adore. We are still in the dating stages. Even if things don't work out to were we can be together I know I have given this relationship everything I can give. I will have NO regrets and the things it has taught me so far, I will not take for granted and use them to move forward.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Be positive get rid of the negative! Things will happen when you are truly ready to let them happen....

good luck to you.. you will find love again.. just don't settle for anything but the right one!!

[midwest chick]

She's out there...

Waiting to see you laughing over coffee,

Watching you smile at work,

Seeing how much fun you are having with your friends,

Watching you dance,


She's waiting on you---to be happy with yourself, active in your life and comfortable with your friends--then she's going to come out of nowhere.
She's more attracted to you when you're smiling, confident, and secure in
yourself. She wants this to have a great start, and is waiting for timing to be
better.

She's been looking for you, too.

[princessbelle]

Honey,

I don't know you but my heart really goes out to you. We have, or at least many have, been there done that, way more than once actually.

I am glad you have your cat. One of the saddest times in my life, i got my puppy Bella. That dog literally saved my life. Kissed away many tears and helped fill a big empty bed. Her snoring like a 400 pound human helped a little too. lol. Embrace that sweet cat of yours.

Hold true to your values.
Hold true to your heart.
Hold true to your desire to be the wonderful person that i'm sure you are.

Don't settle. Make a list of your perfect someone. Make sure you don't steer from that list.

Life is short. Embrace everyday. Be happy everyday, no matter if you are single or not. Love many people, even if they are just friends. I love many friends very deeply, it is possible to have deep and loving relationships with friends.

I believe in fairy tale endings. I believed in mine and it came true.

I also believe in yours.

Peace. (f)

[fever]

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

[tazz]

[QUOTE=fever;492551]letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

***i very much agree with this statistic... i'm a realist. and this is a very realitic point of view.

[kittygrrl]

What you're feeling isn't unique..Everyone feels like this intermittently throughout our lives because it's in our dna to bond..it's hard to make peace with something that is very persistent..but if it's meant to be, it will happen..meanwhile as Snow said you are not dead there are all kinds of "things" you can find to amuse yourself..just be open to life, stay sweet and positive..Work on doing somethings that interest and excite you..

[Scuba]

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

**note to self...crash femme tea party** ;) Am just a hop, skip and a jump over the border :)

[fever]

Scuba, come on up! You are too funny. It will be the femmes hopping and skipping should you arrive, especially if you are on that motorcycle.

You have no idea what potential you have about the 49th!

You made me smile tonight. How was your Christmas party? Pictures???

oops, off topic. Gemini trait.

ciao,
Candice

[Gemme]

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable. :)

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.

I have to agree with tapu....perfection does not exist. When we get so focused on finding THE "one" with the exact characteristics that we seek, we lose sight of a lot of other folks who are wonderful, whether they wind up partners or not.

I do think you should keep some major things in mind....for example, for me those might be a Stone Butch or TG Daddy who likes X, Y and Z....and put it out into the Universe. Write it down and burn it if it helps. Let someone else take care of it, as this stuff tends to drive us to the brink of insanity.

In the meantime, you be the best you that you can be. Positivity brings positivity. Negativity brings trouble.

[lettertodaddy]

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

OMG. YES. And I realize I'm typing in all caps but YES. THIS.

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.



So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

That's another thing - so many butches seem to live in the far suburbs like Langley, Abbotsford, Chilliwack, or even Squamish. What's an intown femme to do?

A femme tea does sound like fun, though. :)

A femme tea sounds like fun!

[tazz]

[QUOTE=lettertodaddy;492699]OMG. YES. And I realize I'm typing in all caps but YES. THIS.

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.


***lettertodaddy... so is SF/Oakland for that matter! i'm right there beside you in this.
for me, the bay area has become soooo big that it is really often difficult to find true friends.
i have the same amount of friends as you, and only two are queer and coupled off. the other is actually moving to Minnesota first week of Jan. and wants me to move there too.

you may have to go outside your "comfort zone" and city to find more of a community.

it's tough... but Not impossible. hang in there... and eventually things will come around full circle.

[Kobi]

I'm with Tapu and Gemme on this one. Perfection, to me, is seeking an image, a persona, a caricature, a fantasy rather than an actual person. The internet makes it easy to hold to this search for "perfection" all over the world.

I care most about who someone is, not the personas I commonly find. And, I find it takes a heck of a lot of work to get past the persona to find the real person hidden underneath.

And, as a butch, I find there are many of us out there. In our shallow moments, we might expound on our fantasy femmes. But when the macha shit wears off, there is a certain kind of person we are looking for.

Packaging might get my attention but it is the present inside that is going to keep it.

[*Anya*]

I have nothing new to add on the pursuit of perfection. It is illusory and does not exist for any of us. If I am an imperfect human, how could I possibily expect perfection in another? It is a set-up for failure.

I was depressed and sad for a long time. The thing with depression is that it is an endless loop that begins to feel like all is hopeless. The more hopeless one feels, the more isolative I became. How could I possibly meet anyone if I risked nothing? Not possible.

The passing of the years finally got to me. I realized that I just had to take action myself! I had to put myself out there, get active on the Planet, join a lesbian dating site-go out on dates, just for the experience, gain confidence in myself again-even if no chemistry, I met some nice butches; the better I felt, the more I smiled at strangers and surprise of surprise- they smiled back (including a cute butch where I work, who did a double-take when I smiled at her and smiled back really big).

My point is that special butch really will not knock on the door without risking yourself. They are out there. The better I felt, the more they came to me! Funny how that works.

I realized that I have choices for how to be. I chose to have a life, to take some risks with my heart, I chose to be happy and to believe that love is on my horizon and is getting closer by the day...so close that I can almost reach out and touch it...

Never, ever, give up!

[lettertodaddy]

I have to say I'm a little confused why so many people hung up on the word "perfect" in my post.

Have any of you heard the song "I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you" by Grace Jones? That's the concept I'm thinking of.

We all have a notion of what we want in life, what type and temperament of person will complement us best. I don't seek perfection in a human being. We are all fantastically flawed. Still and yet, I think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue the "perfect fit" when it comes to a partner. I spent 10 years with someone who wasn't a perfect fit, and tried every day of those 10 years to make it work, to just make do, to settle and accept what I had.

No more.

Compromise and working together are fine, but so is wanting a love that is perfect for me.

[lettertodaddy]

The passing of the years finally got to me. I realized that I just had to take action myself! I had to put myself out there, get active on the Planet, join a lesbian dating site-go out on dates, just for the experience, gain confidence in myself again

Hi Anya,

This is what I've been doing for the last three years. I haven't been active here but I've been active elsewhere and in my offline life. I've been putting myself out there more in the last three years than I ever have in my life before, and I'm frustrated with the diminishing returns I'm getting.

So I got a cat for companionship, decided I'd leave my profile up on dating sites (but not check my inbox or anything), and thought it would be best to get off the merry-go-round for awhile.

A person gets tired after a while, you know?

[*Anya*]

Hi Anya,

This is what I've been doing for the last three years. I haven't been active here but I've been active elsewhere and in my offline life. I've been putting myself out there more in the last three years than I ever have in my life before, and I'm frustrated with the diminishing returns I'm getting.

So I got a cat for companionship, decided I'd leave my profile up on dating sites (but not check my inbox or anything), and thought it would be best to get off the merry-go-round for awhile.

A person gets tired after a while, you know?

I do understand LTD. My 19-year relationship ended 10 years ago. We dragged it out, living separately for a couple of years after we stopped living together but I was essentially single.

I used to feel really embarrassed by how long it had been that I was alone but
it was what it was and it was where I was at.

I do live in a large metropolitan area, true, but I have met butches living in Seattle, Arizona, Baja Ca, one from Costa Rica who wanted to fly me to meet her (tempting but a pass), as well as local butches.

I only speak for me. I let my world become very small and lonely. I had given up on some level. For myself, I am glad that I did not let my depression swallow me whole. It could have.

Hugs sister femme,

[The_Lady_Snow]

You could always do some research and see where there's a big queer population, save up your money move and let the dating begin!!!!

[scootebaby]

You could always do some research and see where there's a big queer population, save up your money move and let the dating begin!!!!

Snow is always so helpful! I like the idea though. If they dont come to you,go to them!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Snow is always so helpful! I like the idea though. If they dont come to you,go to them!


Right!???

Plus it's a new city, new adventures, new everythings!

[AtLast]

You could always do some research and see where there's a big queer population, save up your money move and let the dating begin!!!!

Makes sense to me- come to the Bay Area of CA!! hello queer populations!!

[Ciaran]

So I got a cat for companionship, decided I'd leave my profile up on dating sites (but not check my inbox or anything), and thought it would be best to get off the merry-go-round for awhile.


In my very limited experience, I've found that I've been offered dates and sometimes stumbled blindly into the path of possible love when I've been off the merry-go-round. Whereas when I've actively tried to find a relationship, it's never happened (or, even worse, has had "disaster" written all over it from day one).

Maybe just me but if I were to consciously seek out a bone fide relationship, I just don't think it would happen.

[Kobi]

Sorry for the error in interpreting how you were using the word perfect. Perfect partner makes my thinking go in a certain direction. Perfect fit or match leads me in another direction.

Have you tried any of the meetup.com groups? There are a few geared to the LGBT community in the Vancouver and surrounding area. Might lead to some other not so visible stuff or at least broaden the field a bit.

[Ciaran]

I've seen alot of relationships in my life living in Chicago, but never like the one my neighbors/friends Jessica and Tom had. It was perfect.Too perfect. Only one argument, eerie, weird, queer, throw up a little in your mouth perfect. For a long time, I wracked my brains trying to discover what their big secret was., and when it finially hit me, it was so simple and shock proof. Jessica and Tom were'nt having sex. They were platonic friends.

Not trying to stray off-topic but, in my view, a relationship can be 100% real and passionate but sexless. In fact, there are some of us who prefer sex outside of relationships and prefer relationships without sex (although it's usually complicated by partners or potential partners who don't necessarily share such an outlook).

[JustJo]

Hey letter...I can completely relate. I don't need perfect as in flawless....but I do need "perfect for me".....and sometimes that feels like an impossibility.

In a weird way I'm lucky...I was dwelling in the same feeling...and got my butt kicked out of it by more pressing problems in my life.

Now, any butch who's interested is going to have to hang around and wait...and I don't know how long...or pitch in and help...because I have more critical things to do.

Wishing you all the best. :rrose:

[JustJo]

I've seen alot of relationships in my life living in Chicago, but never like the one my neighbors/friends Jessica and Tom had. It was perfect.Too perfect. Only one argument, eerie, weird, queer, throw up a little in your mouth perfect. For a long time, I wracked my brains trying to discover what their big secret was., and when it finially hit me, it was so simple and shock proof. Jessica and Tom were'nt having sex. They were platonic friends.

Not trying to stray off-topic but, in my view, a relationship can be 100% real and passionate but sexless. In fact, there are some of us who prefer sex outside of relationships and prefer relationships without sex (although it's usually complicated by partners or potential partners who don't necessarily share such an outlook).

That wouldn't work for me....ever. For me, that would be a dear friend...but not a partner.

Obviously we're all different...but no...just no. :)

[Liam]

Every time I have entertained the notion that "she is not out there," I haven't had to dig too deep to realise that my fear is doing the talking, and that I'm afraid she isn't out there, which is totally different from she isn't out there. I'm not saying that is true for you, but it might be something to think about, if you already haven't. I wish you the best of luck in maintaining your hope.

[ruby_woo]

If you guys are organizing a femme tea, please let me know. My 8+ year relationship just ended fucking yesterday (seriously, who gets dumped on Boxing Day?), and could def use some girls right now. I agree, this is a tough town to make friends in.

((Letter)) Hugs to you, I hope you find happiness soon...

[scootebaby]

Not trying to stray off-topic but, in my view, a relationship can be 100% real and passionate but sexless. In fact, there are some of us who prefer sex outside of relationships and prefer relationships without sex (although it's usually complicated by partners or potential partners who don't necessarily share such an outlook).

Ciaran,

i can kinda relate to this statement..mainly because to me sex does not equate love...just bc i wanna have sex with someone or vice versa does not mean i or they are in love...Sex to me is not a be all end all of a relationship.But that is just me.

ok back to the original topic of the thread!!

[Blue_Daddy-O]

I have been in that same place...wondering if my imperfect mate died before I could get to her, because it felt like I would never find her. Letter, your love is out there. You will find each other. Don't ever give up believing. And when you least expect it.... POOOOOF! LoL. Well I take that back. It isn't always POOOF when you least expect it. That's just Cow Patties. Eeeewwww. I have stepped in a few of those. It does happen when you're looking too, putting yourself out there, being happy, after feeling depressed for a spell, meeting others, being patient and back to impatient... and then POOOOOOF!! LoL. It happens. Love, standing right in front of you. Waiting for you to seize the moment.

Don't forget to feed your soul while you're waiting. And take good care of your new Kitty friend and don't kick Kitty out of the bed when your new love arrives.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

I have been in that same place...wondering if my imperfect mate died before I could get to her, because it felt like I would never find her. Letter, your love is out there. You will find each other. Don't ever give up believing. And when you least expect it.... POOOOOF! LoL. Well I take that back. It isn't always POOOF when you least expect it. That's just cow patties. Eeeewwww. I have stepped in a few of those. It does happen when your looking too, putting yourself out there, being happy, after feeling depressed for a spell, meeting others, being patient and back to impatient... and then POOOOOOF!! LoL. It happens. Love, standing right in front of you. Waiting for you to seize the moment.

Don't forget to feed your soul while you're waiting. And take good care of your new Kitty friend and don't kick Kitty out of the bed when your new love arrives.

Damn that type is big.

[tapu]

I have to say I'm a little confused why so many people hung up on the word "perfect" in my post.

Have any of you heard the song "I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you" by Grace Jones? That's the concept I'm thinking of.

We all have a notion of what we want in life, what type and temperament of person will complement us best. I don't seek perfection in a human being. We are all fantastically flawed. Still and yet, I think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue the "perfect fit" when it comes to a partner. I spent 10 years with someone who wasn't a perfect fit, and tried every day of those 10 years to make it work, to just make do, to settle and accept what I had.

No more.

Compromise and working together are fine, but so is wanting a love that is perfect for me.



Hmm... I took your screen name as a sign also that you have "the perfect person" in mind. Like, writing a letter to someone in your head who you've already defined. Are you sure that who you are looking for might not be more flexibly envisioned?

[TickledPink]

Love will find you.
When you least expect.
When you are happy and true to YOU.

[betenoire]

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.

That is SO TRUE.

Mind you, I only lived in Vancouver for a year. But in that year I made exactly 3 friends who I hung out with - and 9 years later (I moved back to Ontario 9 years ago) I am only in touch with 1 of them and the other 2 I have no idea where they're at.

You should consider moving to Toronto. I know it's very "Toronto" to talk about how awesome Toronto is...but it just freaking is. I had an incredibly easy time meeting and getting to know people and always felt loved on and included. I used to joke that no homa (homa is what I call female queers) could leave their apartment without alerting 50 of their closest friends first. Friendly folks, Torontonians.

(I am not trying to be pithy, by the way...but being single kind of rocks. At least I remember it that way. I sure did like being able to do whatever I felt like doing without having to take another person's feelings/wants/needs into consideration.)

[Corkey]

Here's the thing about love, you have to love yourself first, the rest as they say is gravy. Enjoy being who you are, the confidence is catchy and attractive, people see that and want to be around you. (generic).
That's the best advice I can give to anyone.

[Virago]

Wow. A beautiful thread filled with real emotions. And brave posts. I bow and send much respect to all of you.

I have had an 'active' love life in my years, but no- I have not yet found 'The One' for life. But all the women I've been involved with have brought me closer to her whoever she might be.

And none of those women were a waste of time. I believe we are all here for a reason, to learn something we need to learn. And all of them have helped me learn something about myself so I thank them deeply and love them for that.

Have I felt sorry for myself over the years? Oh yes. But like many of you have already said, I do believe that happiness is a choice. I had a lot of tragedy back in my young adulthood life and spent years depressed until I asked myself (in my best Dr. Phil voice), 'How's that workin' for ya?" Well, it wasn't. I started looking at the people I respected and felt jealous towards....and made a decision to alter my thoughts and aim for happiness. It didn't come easy and took a few years, but I can honestly say that I am a happy person now. Single...and happy.

And I have a clearer thought of who I am looking for. Letter, here's the best advice I can give. You can't stop yourself from being depressed over this overnight so don't try. But do also try to start increasing the time you spend on thinking positively about yourself. In other words, always strive to become the person you're proud to be. That will attract the right person.

And in the meantime, it will also attract friends who you will feel blessed to have in your life. I recently lost a cousin who felt like a failure because she never made a relationship work. At her memorial in Berkeley close to 300 people showed up. Most of them saying how she altered their lives and added so much to their lives. She was lucky-the month before she died most of those people came to visit her and told her in person. Before she died she came to realize how successful she was. How lucky we would all be if we held that thought during our active lives and not on our deathbeds?

And so...................for the next 20 seconds after reading this let's all give thanks for all that we have!
1,2,3,4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Ok, rest. You can feel sorry again. we don't want to go too fast with this. lol

But if you do that enough, trust me, it will increase and become real.

And in the meantime, we're here for you. And with you

[ButchEire]

All good information and if I may add, some people are simply fine staying single. Like heterosexualty, being in a relationship may be the "norm" but that doesn't make it anything but common and it isn't healthy for everyone. That doesn't mean not having people in your life. I'm finding that in my experience as I get older, I have more friends and no desire or inclination to be in a relationship. YMMV, of course.

[nycbutch]

What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

SINGLE AVAILABLE BUTCH HERE!!! checking on flights to Canada :flying:

Letter....like most people here have been saying, don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there for everyone. Don't give up on love. You seem like a very sweet lady, and I'm sure some lucky butch is out there ready to sweep you off your feet!!! (f)

Jay

[LesboNascarFan]

Single butch here too.

There have been a lot of nice informative replies to the original post.

I, too, am finding myself again (after 14 year relationship) and am just taking it one day at a time.

Hang in there!

[ferret]

I, too, have pretty much given up on finding "the one." While it seems that's been the only thing I've wanted to focus on in the past few months, there are things with myself that I really need to take care of. I know all of us are going to have our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, etc., that we all go through in our lives. But then I have to wonder, am I EVER going to be in a good place to share my life with someone?

I'm currently living in Kentucky (been here for the past five years), and it's really hard to find single people in general, and even more difficult to find single lesbians. It's seems as though I'm at a crossroads in my life, however, and kind of feel like my life is imploding around me. I still haven't found a full-time job, I can count the number of friends on one hand, I keep saying how I want to move, and now maybe's the time. I can't say that I have anything that's keeping me here...

[justanolecowboy]

I've only been on this wonderful community a few times...with a long absence in between...but I know of where you speak... "the perfect person" ... do they exist?

I don't know...I thought so... "once upon a time" ...I understand about it being a tough year...and the holidays always have a way of reminding us "single" people of what we "don't" have in the way of a relationship...I mean you see the perfect Norman Rockwell commercials - you know the home and hearth and the perfectly wrapped gift from the one you love...all dressed up in your slippers and bathroom underneath the perfectly decorated tree...lights twinkling...fire crackling...

Nothing is perfect...not life, not love...I think we put to many expectations on ourselves...and on other people perhaps...perhaps I am guilty of that too... "expectations" ... even when you say you don't...God knows I am far from perfect...

I don't trust much myself anymore...my heart has beat and battered and ripped apart more than once this past year and half...but despite ALL of that and through all the hurt...I know that "love" is real...I know it isn't easy and I know it isn't perfect...but I know it is worth the effort...if you have courage enough to "try" again and put your heart out there...the bruises you have...just have enabled you to love in a deeper and kinder way...and someone out there needs that...and wants that and will show you the same...

Maybe what you seek is just around the corner...with the next spoken word or smile...or outstretched heart...don't give up...

Love is too precious a thing...hang in there...even though it hurts...even though it seems hopeless...maybe "you" are just the person someone else is looking for...and they are waiting for you to reach out ----open your heart and find them...

Until that time...cuddle with that kitty who will give so much love...and be thankful for blessings not yet received...yes, perhaps in the way of love ...

[Rockinonahigh]

Once I thought there may be something wrong with me if I didnt have a hot femme on my arm, but over the years I just have desided to injoy being single cause the worry was not doing any good.If Mrs.Right shows up great if not im ok with it...really.OH there are some I would like to get to know better but im not shure a ldr is good for either of us..they havent worked for me so im not shure it ever will...corse I wish it would but things are what they are.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Maybe ‘the One’ for you isn’t ready to find you, yet! She may need time to heal from past hurts or she could be rediscovering herself in readiness for meeting you!

I know it’s easy to say ‘find happiness with yourself/within yourself and you’ll attract love’, but, it’s true! Being comfortable and accepting yourself really does attract people.

There has been a time in life when I was down and felt as though there wasn’t anyone out there for me, but, then my whole world felt like it ended because of the events in my life at that time, and I wasn’t ready for or able to offer what another may need/want at that time from me….it wouldn’t have been fair to her/hym or me.

I’ve been single for 4 years….the first 2 through choice after nearly 8 years with my Ex. For the past 2 years, I’ve enjoyed dating a varied selection of Butches (from stone, metro sexual to Butch/Studs) with the occasional Femme/soft Butch.

I’m open to meeting ‘the One for me’ and being single and dating/going out with friends has given me the opportunity to do the things I’ve wanted to without having to consider anyone else….sounds selfish, I know, yet, I’ve been able to achieve something’s without the distraction of a relationship. Sometimes, being single is an unanswered prayer….

Also, the only snoring I have to put up with at this time, are the rhythmical ones of my 5 beautiful furbabies….Oh! And my cousin in the other room (whose snoring can be heard in the next street! I kid you not! ….Serves him right for breaking his nose whilst perving at a women….he was 7 years old at the time of ‘injury’! LOL!).

[WolfyOne]

I can group myself amongst the single.

Since my written words come easier than my in person words and there have been times when a few of you femmes here have peeked my interest, but I just haven't put me in a position to put me out there. I suppose I'm still working on me and I may or may not be a work in progress.

LTD, I have often wondered about that perfect person for me, the one that gets me, the one that doesn't want to change me, the one that will take me as I am...flawed. I don't have a list for what I seek in a person because I know when she comes into my life, we'll both know it. I'm not a dating site kind of person because I worry too much about who is really behind that monitor pounding away at those keys. Here on BFP, I can get a better idea of what a person is like by reading posts. Interesting to read through this thread and see there are already 3 of you in your area from this site that can go out and have a grand time if you plan it that way. Go out, have fun and know that the person you seek may just be out there looking for a fun person. Timing is everything, right place right time...make the time, make the plans and seek out happy. Everything will fall into place when it's supposed to happen.

Oh and there are others that live in areas where we feel isolated when it comes to making friends where we live. Some of us in bigger cities, others in smaller towns. One thing I've learned, if it is to be, it is up to me.

[fever]

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

[The_Lady_Snow]

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice



There ya go Seattle has butches!!!

See she's out there!!

[Novelafemme]

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

I've met Fever and can vouch for her beauty and kind, kind spirit!! And her hot, HOT cleavage! ;) You all shall have a blast together!

[twist of lime]

Oh, they're out there alright... hiding behind a bush with my perfect person, scrooched up together, snickering at my calling into the wind, my wild eyes, searching...

*headin' over to the "Who do you write like?" thread

[lettertodaddy]

If you guys are organizing a femme tea, please let me know. My 8+ year relationship just ended fucking yesterday (seriously, who gets dumped on Boxing Day?), and could def use some girls right now. I agree, this is a tough town to make friends in.

((Letter)) Hugs to you, I hope you find happiness soon...

*hugs*

Let's do this. Time/date/location? I'm limited to in-town because I don't have a car.

[ruby_woo]

*hugs*

Let's do this. Time/date/location? I'm limited to in-town because I don't have a car.

Same situation. I'm very specifically a West End girl, but can cross a bridge to other neighborhoods if needed. :)

[sara-bera]

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable. :)

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

I really think it does tend to happen when you stop looking and just start living. I haven't been searching for someone for the last two years now and I've had more dates than all the years I've been single before this! I don't go to places made for 'singles' either really (aside from popping into this thread because your post moved me) - you'll meet people in the oddest places.

Granted, I've not met a person that's perfect for me yet (I've gotten closer, however). But I have faith they're out there somewhere... and they looking for someone exactly like me. I think there is more than one 'soulmate' out there for everyone, too.

Love yourself, make yourself happy, and believe you will meet your significant other one day... but definitely live for yourself right now - go out, have fun. Take yourself out on dates. Learn a new hobby or take up yoga... whatever might make you happy. Happiness is incredibly attractive, in general (not just for getting dates). You'll make lots of friends along the way, if you're open to it.

I'm really very sorry about all of the false starts, but they're lessons and it's not always going to be that way. There are people out there who want exactly who and what you are. Eventually, you'll be drawn to one another. I wish you all the best.

[Virago]

Photos!
The rest of us will want photos of this get-together!!

Letter put a desire out to the universe and got this response. We don't always get what we want, but we usually get what we need. :)
Have a great time!


Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

[tazz]

oh yeah... false starts... i know about that one really well...

thank you RitaSink for your insight. very much appreciated.

***lettertodaddy... like i've said before in this thread to you... i'm right there with you and know exactly what you are going through.
i'm focusing on my career, my physique, my soul, ME. it may come across as selfish... so be it!

be good to YOU and your kitty... :)

[lettertodaddy]

Hmm... I took your screen name as a sign also that you have "the perfect person" in mind. Like, writing a letter to someone in your head who you've already defined. Are you sure that who you are looking for might not be more flexibly envisioned?

My screen name comes from the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane".

--RI7tlWuaM

[lettertodaddy]

Same situation. I'm very specifically a West End girl, but can cross a bridge to other neighborhoods if needed. :)

Yaletown seems equidistant between us. I wonder if there are any nice tea shops in the area?

Oh, look! http://dinehere.ca/vancouver/o-cha-tea-bar

[ruby_woo]

Yaletown seems equidistant between us. I wonder if there are any nice tea shops in the area?

Oh, look! http://dinehere.ca/vancouver/o-cha-tea-bar

Ooh, I didn't know this place existed. Where's Fever? We need to get this party started.

[rustedrims]

Think we all have gone through a "dry spell" with the dating thing..Bad dates and good dates that we think this is the one but in the end usually falls short of being perfect..

I have also given up on finding the lady of my dreams and now i have 4 cats..
I think you might be skipping a step..Gotta be friends before relationship..Try the friend thing first..In here is a good place to start.There are alot of people here to chat with..

My story is similar to *Anya's*..
I got out of my last relationship and a few bad dates and a "Hacker" trying to get into my stuff scared me single for longer than i will admit to..Poored myself into tearing every room apart in my house..Started working 12 hour days saturday and sometimes sundays..Found myself drinking again because i didnt want to go home to an empty house..I was even taking a "Happy Pill" for a long time to..One day i figured out what was wrong with me..I wasnt happy because i wasnt making myself happy..Started to walk a little taller and look people in the eye and sometimes a little smile or a quick hi..Then to my surprise people were saying hi to me first..Thought hummm this is feels nice..Even cought a lady starring at my back pockets at the gas station and when we made eye contact she started a short conversation..I closed myself off from the dating world completely..I was told about this site and got in here and i like it and am getting to know people..Get some people around you first then the rest will fall into place..Gotta get yourself out there and wait it out it will happen..

s..

[fever]

Here I am. I can come to the West End. We can start organizing this in the Canada forum??? p.m. me and I will give you my phone number, etc.

Do we want to do a tea, or go to a tea as a group? Scuba, if you are really coming up here, what kind of notice do you need? I have extra room if you want to stay overnight. Vancouver is about 45 min away from my place.

Boots, you are welcome too. Get scuba to scoop you up on the way north. lol

Party time!

Candice

[Scuba]

Sounds good by me :)

[Scuba]

The boys and I will organize while the girls have their day out..

[istolurboxers38]

You shouldn't get so down on yourself. My ex who is a dad dumped me on my ass. let me know I would never find anyone that would want me and if it weren't for them i wouldn't be where i was now. They finally moved away and I am now in a town that I really don't know. I am trying to accept that I will be alone and singe from now on. I though was looking at the good side of things. Noone to tel you u are doing wrong, no criticizing, no fights, and no more put downs. Yes it is lonely but I think that maybe when we heal and when God sees fit that we are ready that he might just bring someone along in our lives that fit.

[nicetgurl_30]

Don't feel that way, it will get better

[Bootsandheels]

Here I am. I can come to the West End. We can start organizing this in the Canada forum??? p.m. me and I will give you my phone number, etc.

Do we want to do a tea, or go to a tea as a group? Scuba, if you are really coming up here, what kind of notice do you need? I have extra room if you want to stay overnight. Vancouver is about 45 min away from my place.

Boots, you are welcome too. Get scuba to scoop you up on the way north. lol

Party time!

Candice

Thank you Fever! Ohhh...I just read this entire thread....I cannot wait to meet you all and hope I get the chance!!! Newly single and taking a break here...I seriously doubt Hy/She is out there too, but I'm not focusing on that. It's my time to shine as a single femme, and I'm choosing not to date right now and just really enjoying life.

Just FYI...I was at the NYE dance/party in Seattle last night dear sister femmes, and there was a plethora of handsome butches all decked out last night...I was shocked! And yes...many were single *GASP*...C'mon down ladies!!! Love and hugs to you LTD...you are simply stunning and obviously have much to offer the right person...please don't give up on love...!

Hope burns eternal,

Boots :stillheart:

[Finn]

My screen name comes from the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane".

--RI7tlWuaM

Thats one of my favorite movies !! And I loveee Bette Davis too *S*.. My Mom named me after her,,cept I got a "y" where she has an "e" *G*heh...anyways..Enjoy your cat,,time will tell and you will find the right Butch/Daddy for you *S*
Be well and safe lettertodaddy*S* (f)

Finn

[SweetJane]

Boots, just read about your single status. Condolences....

Yes, having a breathing space between relationships is a wise decision---but, lady, you've always been wise.

I'm trying to mingle and jump into the dating pool. But as I've said in earlier posts, the lesbian pool is a decent size---the pool I'm looking for would fit into a thimble.

Good luck in your hiatus from dating.

[LaneyDoll]

So I got a cat for companionship, decided I'd leave my profile up on dating sites (but not check my inbox or anything), and thought it would be best to get off the merry-go-round for awhile.

A person gets tired after a while, you know?

My advice, close the accounts on the dating sites. Old profiles do not get much traffic and if someone is messaging you and you are not replying, then you look rude/unavailble. Close them for a month or two then go back if you want but leaving them unattended is not helping.

Good luck!

:sparklyheart:

[mariamma]

Hi Lettertodaddy,
I've recently given up as well. It hurts too much to want something that the Universe keeps telling me I can't have. And that's the biggest part of why I've given up. I've been searching for almost 2 years and no one wants a relationship (I'm poor, have 3 kids and I'm missing teeth seem to be the deal-breakers). At least no women that I want want me. Lots of men do. No butch women want me.
The hard part (for me) is admitting this and accepting it. The easy part is moving on. Our culture tells us that we must be forfilled through partnerships and marriages but honestly, marriages tend to add years to men's lives. Do lesbians and male-ID people often or always benefit from being with another? Can we grow and enjoy life with only emotional contacts and no exchange of bodily fluids? I hope I can. Having animals helps. An emotional connection with another at home brings joy to the home. And that's what I really want (well, daily sex too but a quality emotion connection is a beautiful thing and nothing to sneeze at).
I've been a Goddess-loving pagan since 14 and a lesbian since 16. I have 6 sisters (7 really but I never met my black sister) and sisterhood has always been important to me. Loving women comes natural. I think loving women and having affairs can and will sustain me. And I have not given up on casual sex.
I'm 42 and the Universe throws curve-balls all the time. But another big part of what's changed in my heart is ... I can never trust a person who cannot love me with all my flaws. Can't say as I blame them. Loving another person is hard, takes intent and focus and can leave one wrecked if you choose wrong. Flaws are red flags.
I wish you luck in your life. Enjoy the love of the cat on your lap.

[T-lee]

I totally understand how you feel. There are times I feel just that way. Yet there ae times when I can look back on what has not worked for me and see just whatI have learned along the way. If its something I learned that I dont want are something I believe I want more, but no matter what I have learned and grown from it all. Still believe deep down that there is someone for each of us out there. When ever the time is right it happens for us, just know there is a reason it has not happened yet. Till then enjoy what life is to bring us along the way.

[4everlonelyfemme]

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can :(

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

[NorCalStud]

You are 21. You are a baby. Just say no to all that thinkin. Stop. Okay? It is difficult sometimes to be on this site and see all the sexual energy flyin around. Your time will come. Here or there or somewhere. I wanna see that name change like 4everfemme..leave the lonely out. Dont call in the lonliness. Island Scout, in the other thread, is right. Attitude. Im glad you said you are lonely...you are honest and lettin people know. Now we know. Your whole life is ahead of you. Dance, sister.

[Heavenleahangel]

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can :(

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

Hi; I see you think that things are so bleak and hopeless, but I am going to put my 2cents out there and you can take my advice for whatever it is worth. (This coming from a much older femme that has socks older than you.)
Have you ever stopped to think that the negative energy you exert dwelling on how "unpretty" you are, how you were born to suffer, etc is what is keeping you from finding someone? Whether you want to believe it or not, you are sooo young. There is a whole world of possibilities out here just waiting for you, but if you keep dwelling on what you perceive as negative and unwanted issues, the positive can never happen.
With this being said, is it possible for you to go to some counseling to help with all this negativity in your life? I bet you would feel so much better about yourself and then the positive energies can flow and you will be able to find and accept love. I hink there are many of us both butch and femme that would love to go back to 21 and get to live life all over again! Life is way too short to be so down on yourself!

[Gráinne]

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can :(

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

Dr. Seuss said, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"

To be honest, negativity and hopelessness leak out and people pick up on that. What attracts folks is a positive attitude regardless of the fact you're single, and a realization that you are amazing on your own :). I get lonliness-everyone feels that, even in a huge party. You can't always choose whether you're coupled or single, but you get to choose your attitude and your actions.

If you think it's suffering to be single, try being in the wrong relationship-one you get into when you feel that's as good as you can get.

I already know something that sets you apart from 99% of the rest of the femmes here-you probably speak Russian and a host of other languages (besides learning English), and you're surrounded by Estonia! When you focus on what makes you unique and on your good qualities, you will become attractive.

That genius Dr. Seuss also said "No one is youer than you".

[Daktari]

Words of wisdom from the above two posters. I wholeheartedly agree. There is nothing more attractive than someone who's happy with their lives. When you're happy with your life, then, only then are you ready to share it I believe.

Being a couple doesn't solve anything.

Learn to love your life and yourself. I am fully aware of how easy it is to say and how hard it can be in practice.

[agape]

Hi; I see you think that things are so bleak and hopeless, but I am going to put my 2cents out there and you can take my advice for whatever it is worth. (This coming from a much older femme that has socks older than you.)
Have you ever stopped to think that the negative energy you exert dwelling on how "unpretty" you are, how you were born to suffer, etc is what is keeping you from finding someone? Whether you want to believe it or not, you are sooo young. There is a whole world of possibilities out here just waiting for you, but if you keep dwelling on what you perceive as negative and unwanted issues, the positive can never happen.
With this being said, is it possible for you to go to some counseling to help with all this negativity in your life? I bet you would feel so much better about yourself and then the positive energies can flow and you will be able to find and accept love. I hink there are many of us both butch and femme that would love to go back to 21 and get to live life all over again! Life is way too short to be so down on yourself!

You could be right but on the other hand, that would assume that the negativity came before ppls reactions and that we really don't know...

[agape]

Words of wisdom from the above two posters. I wholeheartedly agree. There is nothing more attractive than someone who's happy with their lives. When you're happy with your life, then, only then are you ready to share it I believe.

Being a couple doesn't solve anything.

Learn to love your life and yourself. I am fully aware of how easy it is to say and how hard it can be in practice.

Hmm... I both agree and disagree... I personally find overly happy and satisfied ppl not so attractive. I prefer realists, who often are read as pessimists in today's world... Nowdays everyone seems to be expected to be 99% happy and successfull (whatever that means)... At least that is my experience.

Being a couple maybe doesn't solve anything, just like food doesn't solve anything, but we do need food to survive. We also need love and human contact. I think it's perfectly normal to painfully miss love and human contact and express that pain. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Of course one should love one self but it's really hard to keep that going if the world "slapps" you too much for a too long time -if you know what I mean. Sometimes it just gets too much... And some things you just can't give yourself on your own. It's just not the same hugging yourself and having another person hugging you...

But I do agree that a positive attitude can help bring good things into your life. I just find it unnecessary telling someone suffering that since I'm pretty sure almost everyone is already painfully aware of that fact... (I could be wrong though...)

[snow white]

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable. :)

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.


I can echo these sentiments almost *exactly*. Thank you. Now, at least, I can take comfort from knowing that I'm not alone in being alone...and neither are you : )

[Cid]

I've been thinking the same thing for a very long time. I just don't think that the person I'm looking for exists. Even if she does, I don't know that I would recognize her. I guess I've just got to the point where I don't even look anymore.
One thing that really hinders my search is that I had more than one psychic tell me that I won't meet anyone for another 5-7 years. So, that being put in my head makes it hard for me to take any searching seriously. I would love to prove them wrong.
I also figure that by that time....why bother? I'll be near 60 and don't think I would be prepared to share my life anymore....if I'm still alive then.
My sympathies and compassion to all those who share this feeling.
It's a hard road to walk alone.

[SaltyButch]

I can commiserate with you all, I myself have felt that more than once. The saying that someone when you least expect it will show up is possible, you have to be open to it though. I closed myself off for a long time while I rearranged my psyche so that I was in a better place and knew who I wanted in my life.

It does get lonely because you have so much you want to share, but you know what you can share it, you can share it by being good to yourself, by going out and enjoying your friends and life. This gets you out there and you know what the opportunity then exists that you may meet someone.

All I can say is don't give up, even if you are late in life you still have alot of life to live, and if you wear a smile on your face you are going to attract another smile.

Don't give up hope, she is out there in a place you haven't even thought of yet.

[Koffeelvr]

I am pretty much a newbie to BFP. I started reading a couple of threads over the weekend. I found this one interesting because I could relate to a late of the comments shared at various points in my life.

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Have a great day!

[Asari]

I know that it's hard not to give way to despair but everyone is able to decide against it - I did.

To be honest I never had a relationship or even a real date and still doubt that I will find a Butch who shares my view of life and is interested in me, but fortunately I'm comfortable with staying a single maiden. I have so much love to give and if thre is no one interested in a relationship I'll explore other ways to share this love. :cheer: