The Art of Online Communication

[Linus]

Online conversations have sometimes been a challenge for me. I'm often a visual person and picking up facial/body clues from others often helped me determine if something I said was wrong, funny or misunderstood. In the past I've played an online text-based game that involved a lot of heated discussions about how things were understood and interpreted, particularly online. How "the reader" understood things is very different than perhaps what "the poster" intended. And sometimes there is a huge difference between the two (or more).

On "the poster's" side, life's challenges may seep through the writing and present a post that normally would be neutral as being hostile ("YOU said ..." vs "It was once said.."). On "the reader's" side, a similar situation can result in a "knee-jerk" response. We believe that whatever was written was directed solely towards us rather than it being towards the "royal you" (meaning everyone) and we take it personally. We end up with a variety of posts that over-emphasize the idea of "IMO" (In My opinion). "The reader" may have forgotten that this is someone's opinion and could be wrong but is just as valid as other opinions (opinions don't have to be based in fact; they just are a point of view based on different experiences).

Add to that the style of writing. Some like posting in caps (historically on the internet this is an indication of "yelling" or "strong point of view"), some post entirely in lower case and without punctuations. Some write entirely in phone text (it cn (http://www.lingo2word.com/lingodetail.php?WrdID=81932) B (http://www.lingo2word.com/lingodetail.php?WrdID=10508) hrd (http://www.lingo2word.com/lingodetail.php?WrdID=70431) 2 (http://www.lingo2word.com/lingodetail.php?WrdID=11807) read) while others english is a second language and a challenge even for those where it's the first. Sarcasm can, at times, be hard to convey and while smilies help convey a feeling or image, there isn't enough of them to truly get the whole point across.

We cannot deny that there are online relationships made. A friend recently commented how his interactions online with people made the readers of his blog feel like they knew him personally. He was surprised and got rather shy when he'd go to conferences where people would spot him, go up to him and ask him how he was doing. Even in a forum like this one (and others), connections are made and we've invested a part of ourselves into the community at large. We feel a connection.

So how do we resolve this challenge between "the reader" and "the poster" when things truly go awry? I know it's happened to me and it's always puzzled me that when something I've posted, entirely innocently intending one thing and it's interpreted as something different, is taking way in a different light. Do I ignore, dig my heels in or.. ?

Thoughts? Opinions? Rants? :freetoaster: ?

[Pixie]

I think one way to always be sure is to ask. Lay out how you understood the statement and ask if that's right. Give the poster a chance to look over again what was said and what was perceived and that way no underlining miss communication. I know alot of times my perception or opinion on things can be confusing or easily misunderstood, because I look at it and describe it from my pov which may not always make sense to others. I like to ask questions and questions to be asked because then we know that we are all heard and understood.

[Diva]

I love this thread, Linus, thank You!

My personal style of 'speaking on~line' is to ~basically ~ type what I'm thinking...and how I would say it to You if You were sitting right here in r/t. "Shy" is not a word folks would use to describe me. I live out loud for sure! I have made a bunch of friends on~line.....I am blessed.

I feel like when I say something, I'm not typing just to hear myself talk. I'm not posturing. Not my style. I appreciate good grammar and spelling and am VERY thankful to The Planet that we have no time limit on editing....as sometimes, my keys stick and sometimes, my "of" looks like "o" or my 5 brains cells do not coordinate....stuff like that. :D I use caps sometimes to emphasize a word, not to yell, so I find ALL caps inappropriate.

I use these ".............." a lot. :D When I type <giggle/giggling> more than likely, I really AM. I laugh a lot and love to laugh a lot. :giggle:

In serious threads, I try to formulate my thoughts in a very careful way, so as not to offend. I don't post when I'm angry. That being said, if I am passionate about something, sometimes YOU hear it when I do.....usually I will preface what I say with "Oh I have something to say about THIS!" so get ready....<giggle>

This is my style of on~line conversation.....

:awww:

[Boots13]

I like this thread. I have to start getting ready for work, but I'll be back to post soon !

[Jess]

I have been on both sides of "misunderstood" and "misunderstanding". I have also been guilty of the knee jerk reaction when I felt something I posted was misinterpreted . I don't like that in myself and am trying to "hear" better.

Sometimes I get a bit worked up when I think someone is "picking apart" my words and looking for a different meaning. Sometimes, they may be.. sometimes they may be simply assisting me in looking at things differently.

The art of communication takes a great deal of practice and this old dog has been trying a lot of new tricks in the past couple of years. I will continue trying to be better at not " over reading the words" or personalizing them too much.

Thanks to any and everyone who has helped me grow in this!

Great thread Linus! :goodscore:

[Linus]

I think one way to always be sure is to ask. Lay out how you understood the statement and ask if that's right. Give the poster a chance to look over again what was said and what was perceived and that way no underlining miss communication. I know alot of times my perception or opinion on things can be confusing or easily misunderstood, because I look at it and describe it from my pov which may not always make sense to others. I like to ask questions and questions to be asked because then we know that we are all heard and understood.


That is good advice and something that I've tried on a couple of occasions. Sometimes it works. Sometimes... well, I've been told once that it should have been obvious what their intention was with the past as is.

I love this thread, Linus, thank You!

My personal style of 'speaking on~line' is to ~basically ~ type what I'm thinking...and how I would say it to You if You were sitting right here in r/t. "Shy" is not a word folks would use to describe me. I live out loud for sure! I have made a bunch of friends on~line.....I am blessed.

I feel like when I say something, I'm not typing just to hear myself talk. I'm not posturing. Not my style. I appreciate good grammar and spelling and am VERY thankful to The Planet that we have no time limit on editing....as sometimes, my keys stick and sometimes, my "of" looks like "o" or my 5 brains cells do not coordinate....stuff like that. :D I use caps sometimes to emphasize a word, not to yell, so I find ALL caps inappropriate.

I use these ".............." a lot. :D When I type <giggle/giggling> more than likely, I really AM. I laugh a lot and love to laugh a lot. :giggle:

In serious threads, I try to formulate my thoughts in a very careful way, so as not to offend. I don't post when I'm angry. That being said, if I am passionate about something, sometimes YOU hear it when I do.....usually I will preface what I say with "Oh I have something to say about THIS!" so get ready....<giggle>

This is my style of on~line conversation.....

:awww:

For some reason, when I read your posts I get that idea. As I read this, I looked at your avatar and this made me wonder about something. A question to all reading: do you judge or perceive a post a certain way because of the avatar that the user has? For example, a personal avatar that is smiling, fun or humourous versus one that is dark, depressing or violent.

I like this thread. I have to start getting ready for work, but I'll be back to post soon !

Look forward to seeing what you have to offer. :thumbsup:

I have been on both sides of "misunderstood" and "misunderstanding". I have also been guilty of the knee jerk reaction when I felt something I posted was misinterpreted . I don't like that in myself and am trying to "hear" better.

Sometimes I get a bit worked up when I think someone is "picking apart" my words and looking for a different meaning. Sometimes, they may be.. sometimes they may be simply assisting me in looking at things differently.

The art of communication takes a great deal of practice and this old dog has been trying a lot of new tricks in the past couple of years. I will continue trying to be better at not " over reading the words" or personalizing them too much.

Thanks to any and everyone who has helped me grow in this!

Great thread Linus! :goodscore:

I think the "picking apart" feeling has happened to me. Usually, I find, it's in threads that are heated and somewhat political or have sides that are entrenched in their view (their "ears" are "closed"). Have others had this? If so, how did you deal with the "picking apart" of your post? Did you feel that it was necessary or did you feel it was a personal attack?

And speaking of which, how do you distinguish between personal attacks versus attacks of ideology? And how do you get threads back on track (on the issue/discussion) rather than about the person?

Many thanks to all of you for participating. Makes me feel all warm all over to have a good discussion. :cheer:

And since I'm listening to it as I type, I invite you to listen to some holiday music while you ponder the question:

YouTube- The Jackson 5 - Frosty The Snowman

[Kenna]

One of my first "hard-core" exprieriences with online discussion forums was with the University of Phoenix/Axia [online] College. One of our first classes/subjects was online ediquette and how we present our discussion or convey our thoughts to our readers (aka, our audience). I learned many things during this assignment. It drove home a few good points, one in particular being that before computers, we were taught penmenship and would often spend more effort in the proper manners or ediquette of conversing or communication. In the computer age, we are more apt to quickly jot out an email or text message (often without proof reading)...without giving much considersation to how our "tone of voice" sounds in that medium. That assignment taught me a great deal about my "Tone" in any form of communication. Grade schools no longer teach penmenship nor spend much time on pubic speaking/addressing your audience or various forms of communication and ediquette.

I used that assignment to improve upon my communication skills at work: Until recently, I worked for the State in the Health Care Policy/Legislative Analysis unit. (...I am certainly ENJOYING my sebatical after resigning :-) ) I was "high up" in management and had to deal with many diverse, sometimes difficult or hostile personalities and audiences. One workgroup that I coordinated had several members, that no matter what "tone" you used with them, always had an argument or misunderstanding of your intentions...or their emails would always convey a very hostile attitude or tone. All the workgroup members worked out of different offices and we spent TOO MUCH time coordinating assignments/duties and very difficult, tedious projects over email. Many times, things would get "lost in translation" because someone fired off an email before thinking of their tone or the person(s) they were addressing. At that job, I also drafted responses to various audiences such as the Secretary of Public Welfare, House/Senate Reps or a mother or 3 who questioned why her benefits didn't pay. I had to be hyper aware of my tone, "passive versus active voice" and who I was addressing.

During my online college classes, I tried to develop a more "gentle or appropriate" tone to my responses to our discussion groups and always kept in mind that I was addressing the class as a whole... At work, it was more difficult because I had to be hyper aware of various personalities and how they may read and misinterpret my email and my tone. Not to mention, my email to our Director would contain more ediquette in my tone, than say to my co-worker/best friend.

Here, at BFP, (or other online forums) I am mindful of my audience and try to make sure I don't "fire off a post" like I would fire off an email without proofreading or respecting my reader. Before college, I had a tendency to fire off emails without thinking. At work, I had one lovely individual that preferred I keep things simple and fire off email instructions like "Please proofread/comment on this Design Document and respond by COB Friday. Thanks" But lordy forbid I do that with a particular other coworker... she would rip my head off!! In all online communications with this person, I had to bend over backwards to "be polite" and address her as if she were the Queen of the Moon. And if she didn't like what you had to say, she would hit the "reply to all" button and fire off back at the whole workgroup in a very "accusitory and angry" tone. She would often be hot tempered and misinterpret your intentions and tone, without asking questions or for clarification. Yet she would never keep her tone or audience in mind.

And..while working there I learned a great deal about not emailing my "opinion" on things or being too vague in my descriptions of scenarios. When I first took that workgroup over, we had no "communication plan" or specific responsible parties for certain tasks... I learned while desiging our communication plan, that I should covey things in "concepts" rather than opinions or scenarios. "What if we were to go with concept A, versus concept B or C?" or "I beleive that concept C is the better choice, but I'd like to hear your views before we decide." If I came over as too strong in my opinion, I would get instant hostility from certain people...because they took me as "ordering them around" or "that idea just can't be done". When I conveyed concepts or ideas through more detailed explinations... (I may understand the scenario in "simple terms", but someone else not familar with the problem or acronyms/"techie talk" may need a broken down version of my discussion??) my coworkers were more responsive and many who were threatened by that hostile person would be more apt to speak up and chime-in on the discussion and give very valid points. That hostile persons tone used in email and R/T would often stop others from participating in the discussion. When I took over that workgroup, I worked very hard to get the non-responsive individuals more comfortable about chiming in... it was all a well spent effort in improving my personal communication and ediquette to others...mostly over online mediums.

LOL...where can I get in line for my:
http://maiworldnow.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/toaster.jpg

[Boots13]

Online conversations have sometimes been a challenge for me. I'm often a visual person and picking up facial/body clues from others often helped me determine if something I said was wrong, funny or misunderstood. So how do we resolve this challenge between "the reader" and "the poster" when things truly go awry?

Thoughts? Opinions? Rants? :freetoaster: ?

So many lessons learned ! And I'm still learning. I too am visual !

I have limited my knee-jerk reactions and have tried to be much more deliberate in my answers...and I use exclamation points and smilies to try to convey an image of lightheartedness. But I was truly surprised to learn, from a dear friend, that I have a snarky rep(or at the least a snarky sense of humor) online !!! I gathered that the abruptness of my posts, or perhaps a dry sense of humor would garner that impression.

I try to operate from a "me" place...how I feel and what Ithink so that my opinions aren't projected onto a poster that provoked a thought or a desire to share an experience.

But I am also at the ready to apologize if I feel I've offended anyone. And because it can go sideways in a matter of a post or two..I try to be on top of a conversation that I've engaged in and I try to be objective and not subjective over my emotional responses to some subjects.

Also, sometimes my work hours are daunting and I'm away from the computer - which I'm afraid lends to an air of inaccessability..when in actuality it is my career obligation that has taken precedence over my ability to remain in a conversation.

So, with all this in mind, I try to be kind and I want to be supportive in my responses. Rather than inflammatory and overtly opinionated...

I love the wide array of smilies that we can chose from! :cheerleader:

[julieisafemme]

What a great thread!! I have been picked apart and it did hurt. I learned that there are certain subjects where it is better to keep my thoughts to myself.

I tend to be quite literal both in my posting and interpreting other's posts. I loathe snark. Sometimes I ask questions and that makes me appear to be stupid. That is my literal self. I need plainspeak sometimes to understand. I also am heavily dependent on tone of voice and body language to understand. I am learning how to do that online more and more. This makes me much less reactionary.

Another aspect of this is the persona one takes on in an online environment. Am I the same person online as I am offline? If I am talking the talk here am I walking the walk in real time? This, for me, would make if very difficult to engage in an online relationship.

ETA that I don't like that there is unlimited editing on posts!!!!

[Linus]

Sweet&Content: very interesting. Did you ever figure out why some thought you were ordering them around (that is, what the cause was)?

Boots13: I agree about the me-place. I'm curious if you've written from the me-place and whether others took it to be a general statement (it's an odd thing I've noticed that happens more online). How do you identify that your opinion should be interpreted as just yours and not speaking for others? Do you explicitly say that?


Also, sometimes my work hours are daunting and I'm away from the computer - which I'm afraid lends to an air of inaccessability..when in actuality it is my career obligation that has taken precedence over my ability to remain in a conversation.

This is something I'm very familar with. It's, I believe, a side-effect of our information age and the speed up of getting response NOW (NOW! NOW! NOW! :overreaction: ) With the advent of social networking mechanisms, like twitter, I believe this is accelerating the desire for instantaneous response to a query or post. Almost as if life is only online and not anywhere else. (am I understanding this the same way?)

juliaisafemme: that is a challenge. And then, if I can guess, you wonder whether others are true as the person they are or is it a face? (We all have various faces we show -- different towards friends, family, lovers, etc.) Personally, I am the same in person as I am online (I have no concept of how to hide myself; must be the naive Canadian in me :canadian: )

Why do you dislike snark? What is it that turns you off? Do you feel the same way about sarcasm or dry humor?

And ya. We left the edit option to unlimited. Since the system records when someone makes a change, it's pretty obvious. :cheesy: We kinda also believe y'all are adults. ;)

[julieisafemme]

Sweet&Content: very interesting. Did you ever figure out why some thought you were ordering them around (that is, what the cause was)?

Boots13: I agree about the me-place. I'm curious if you've written from the me-place and whether others took it to be a general statement (it's an odd thing I've noticed that happens more online). How do you identify that your opinion should be interpreted as just yours and not speaking for others? Do you explicitly say that?




This is something I'm very familar with. It's, I believe, a side-effect of our information age and the speed up of getting response NOW (NOW! NOW! NOW! :overreaction: ) With the advent of social networking mechanisms, like twitter, I believe this is accelerating the desire for instantaneous response to a query or post. Almost as if life is only online and not anywhere else. (am I understanding this the same way?)

juliaisafemme: that is a challenge. And then, if I can guess, you wonder whether others are true as the person they are or is it a face? (We all have various faces we show -- different towards friends, family, lovers, etc.) Personally, I am the same in person as I am online (I have no concept of how to hide myself; must be the naive Canadian in me :canadian: )

Why do you dislike snark? What is it that turns you off? Do you feel the same way about sarcasm or dry humor?

And ya. We left the edit option to unlimited. Since the system records when someone makes a change, it's pretty obvious. :cheesy: We kinda also believe y'all are adults. ;)

Well I had thought I was the same person too! Apparently I am not. I think it is more that we share certain aspects of ourselves and not others. It is easier here to be your best self. It is a very public persona but also allows for intimate disclosures that create an image of transparency or a sense of knowing someone that is not entirely real. Like someone posted about the person with the blog who was shocked when it seemed like people knew him.

Snark to me is lazy. It seems sometimes people are more interested in writing something clever and zingy then in contributing to a conversation. It feels mean spirited. Sarcasm can be ok and dry humor is the best. But all three are very different things to me.

[Boots13]

Boots13: I agree about the me-place. I'm curious if you've written from the me-place and whether others took it to be a general statement (it's an odd thing I've noticed that happens more online). How do you identify that your opinion should be interpreted as just yours and not speaking for others? Do you explicitly say that?



Well, I guess I preface or introduce statements with how it made me feel or how it reminds me of something I've done, or how a statement elicits my opinion or provokes my emotion, or MY perceived conduct of another.

I try not to say You (You did, you need to, you are)...I cant own YOU or how YOU made me feel...I can own ME and how I interpret or react to information.

I hope this makes sense.

But I'm also aware that upon seeing a post full of me, me, me, I, me, I, me, can appear to be ego-centric...that I'm trying to make something all about me...I'm not, but its always such a juggle.

And usually tread a neutral line because my day is full of conflict resolution, diffusing disturbances, intervening in highly emotional confrontations...so I enjoy my online time, but often I'm just too tired to really dig into hot topics.

[Kenna]

Sweet&Content: very interesting. Did you ever figure out why some thought you were ordering them around (that is, what the cause was?)

My apologies for my delayed response Linus... no disrespect intended, been away for a bit..

Did I figure the cause out? Yeah, kinda... and maybe that's why I resigned in September after feeling like things would never change? I'll try to explain... It was the people at work (only, not those I converse with online) that sometimes felt like I was ordering them around. But, then again, I WAS the only Manager and Project/Program Consultant (wearing many hats) in the whole State for a state-funded preventive health program for children. With my communications to my friends or my support of online forums such as BFP, I handle myself entirely different... here, I am a valued member of the Community... with a voice and a unique personality, that is respected for who I am. At work, I was a Boss that had to FIGHT to get things done...and often times had to deal with hostile personalities in a professional but abrupt manner. Sometimes I got fed-up with fighting and my emotions would show through during my communications...

I had to take an "authoritative tone of voice" and send many online communications to follow-up on project progress...often times I had to take this tone too strongly and show a "kick-ass attitude" far too often...that tone may set the stage for others to be offended, even if they were in the wrong to begin with? I had to learn to be very careful with my online communications. I wanted to foster a work environment where everyone felt as if they were a valuable member, and where their views would be listened to and addressed APPROPRIATELY and RESPECTFULLY... even if the answer was No.

Several individuals on our team felt threatened by me in an authority role and with my "tone" both online and in person because I had to be the boss...other individuals were afraid to speak up because of hostility & intimidation they felt from workgroup members which always acted like they ran the show and had the "right" to talk to others in a hostile manner. (on a side note...there are specific online discussion forums that I am afraid -sometimes very afraid - to speak up or share my views because of the hostile manner in which I am addressed in their return online communications and their "attacking tone", even from the administration of that particular forum. I have left that discussion forum/online community - or rarely ever participate - because I felt things would never change. ) The hostile individuals I had to deal with at work especially didn't like it when I took over the job and proceeded to work out long-standing issues with their personality conflicts and lack of proper communication skills. Not to mention, they shared very little respect for me when they learned I was hired as an authority figure...with no true formal college education. (my education or lack thereof does not make me a less or better person... or my views or work less important....)

Like you just said, Linus, "y'all are adults"... my question is, why couldn't they ACT like adults with their communication to others? I believe, after much thought on the issue, that they thought I was ordering them around because they wanted to "get on their soap-box" about issues, but didn't want to take or share personal responsibility for their work, actions or proper communications and could care less about respecting or accepting others. Taking and sharing responsibility, especially for one's own actions (instead of bullying or intimidating others through verbal or written communication, or forcing your views/opinions on your workgroup members without being open-minded to respect or other possible views, or being nasty to someone just so you can stand your ground..etc.) is very much a part of responsible, respectful adult communication...rather online or in person.

(sorry for the ramble...when you're as tired as I am, it's harder to form thoughts...)

Now... it's time to go make Naked Snow Angels in our new, fresh snow! Who wants to take pictures? LOL

[Gemme]

In response to the question about one's perceptions based on another's avatar, I'd say that I do do that. Our avatars are a way to express ourselves. Now, some don't have paid memberships and so, are limited in their avi options, but still....we choose what suits us best out of the options we have.

So, if someone puts up an ominous looking one (and if I haven't had any communication with them to suggest otherwise), I'm going to assume that that person is not necessarily morbid or pessimistic or has a tiny black heart but I will deduce that s/he is not the bright, light, fluffy type. Sometimes what we don't see tells us more than what we do see. :detective:

[Kenna]

In response to the question about one's perceptions based on another's avatar, I'd say that I do do that. Our avatars are a way to express ourselves. Now, some don't have paid memberships and so, are limited in their avi options, but still....we choose what suits us best out of the options we have.

So, if someone puts up an ominous looking one (and if I haven't had any communication with them to suggest otherwise), I'm going to assume that that person is not necessarily morbid or pessimistic or has a tiny black heart but I will deduce that s/he is not the bright, light, fluffy type. Sometimes what we don't see tells us more than what we do see. :detective:

I agree... avatars and signature lines sometimes give me a feeling of "should I or shouldn't I address this person?" I don't mean anything negative or disrespectful by that... It's just if I see a really "dark" or "brooding" avi or signature picture/quote, I will avoid conversing with that person until I know more about them.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Linus,

This is another great thread! I am like you are - visual. Words clog me up. I struggle all the time.

I have no clue if someone is joking with me or not, when I am being honest and sincere in a thread. Then I get set-up to be laughed at. I am used to it. That is just how it was for me in school. I am very quiet, and reserved.

I have to trust certain folks to lean on, like yourself, to explain things to me. Without that trust and help, I know I would not be here.

[Kenna]

Linus,

This is another great thread! I am like you are - visual. Words clog me up. I struggle all the time.

I have no clue if someone is joking with me or not, when I am being honest and sincere in a thread. Then I get set-up to be laughed at. I am used to it. That is just how it was for me in school. I am very quiet, and reserved.

I have to trust certain folks to lean on, like yourself, to explain things to me. Without that trust and help, I know I would not be here.

Hi Andrew, Jr.,
I just wanted to share, if I may? ... You are not alone and I support you. School/childhood was misery for me, especially when I just couldn't get it when other kids were being sarcastic or joking...or making a joke out of me. I often would "walk right into" it and end up being tormented and laughed at because I couldn't pick up on cues. Online banter, sarcasm, jokes or a situation where the communication is too vague or ambiguous leaves me wondering "are they joking? are they serious? what did I miss here? If I don't get it, will they think I'm a duntz and laugh AT me?"...etc... I, too, tend to be quite and reserved...preferring to observe rather than participate in the conversation...
Enjoy your evening and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
S&C

Ps.. I would rather read a person's body and facial language so I can get a clue as to their real intentions or emotions, than reading their words or second-guess at their intended communication efforts. I can tell more from their face if they are joking with me, than I can from their written words.

[Linus]

Sigh. I had a huge response to a variety of posts and Firefox crashed on me. :( I'll have to come back later today (lunch time perhaps) and respond then. Sorry. :(

[Kenna]

Sigh. I had a huge response to a variety of posts and Firefox crashed on me. :( I'll have to come back later today (lunch time perhaps) and respond then. Sorry. :(

:beatcomputer::beatcomputer:

[Andrew, Jr.]

Sweet & Content,

I agree. School for me was nothing short of hell. I had tutors, teachers, and I went year round to just keep up because I failed most everything. :badscore:

[Gemme]

I agree... avatars and signature lines sometimes give me a feeling of "should I or shouldn't I address this person?" I don't mean anything negative or disrespectful by that... It's just if I see a really "dark" or "brooding" avi or signature picture/quote, I will avoid conversing with that person until I know more about them.

I won't avoid that person, necessarily, but you are right (as I draw a line between what you actually said and I'm thinking now) in that our responses to another's choice in avatars will help dictate our connection with that person. If I see another foo foo-ey avi, I'm tickled pink. I fully believe in spreading the love, joy, glitter and sparklies. But there are plenty of avatars that might be construed as "dark" but someone else sees it as "artistic" or the like. Our perceptions definitely lead us to those we interact with and help outline how we may (or may not) approach them initially. :)

[Linus]

I clip all the quotes out to add a little brevity to my verbose posting:

Boots13: First, let me thank you for participating. Knowing how busy a life can be and taking the time to be in a deep thread it does mean a lot to me.

It does make sense. I think, however, that sometimes readers don't see that. (and even some posters). They feel that you own yourself and what you've said means that you are responsible for how they feel. I suppose, as a complete fictional example, if I said that Wryly had no style sense and I knew that she was sensitive to those kinds of comments, then I am partially responsible for how Wryly feels.

But therein lies the rub: the reader sometimes believes that the poster knows EVERYTHING (and in some cases, it's truly EVERYTHING) about them. This gets back to this extra feeling of knowing each other more than we really do. One of my students said it yesterday that I was to have "ESPN and know everything that they do" (entirely in a joking manner based on tone of voice -- I teach online so I can't see faces but I can hear it). We forget, I suspect, that we really know far less about each other (the amount is probably the equivalent of dust on the head of a fairy on top of a small sewing needle).

And I definitely hear you on the "ME! ME! ME!" concept when posting. I too feel that wonderment of whether people interpret that as egotistical or not. It's not. I can't speak to your or Sweet&Content or Andrew's or other people's experience or PoV. I could share what I've understood to be through my PoV but I could never state that it is my experience. Then again, why do we really need to preface nearly ever post in those hot topic areas as "from my point of view" or "this is just how I understand it..". I mean, the virtue that it's my "voice" speaking, wouldn't it be my point of view? Who else would it be? It's not like I'm channeling George Burns or Marilyn.

Sweet&Content: Totally understand about work and life interferring with online. No worries.

Oh! Oh! I have a great camera! LOL..

It sounds like a common internet phenomena where people post as if they are truly anonymous, even when at work or with people they know. It is almost as if we can post without any consideration for what might happen. Now, I'm not saying that we are responsible if someone posts something politely that it's interpreted incorrectly. For example, I discovered recently that saying to the receptionist that she looks lovely could be taken in an offensive manner rather than in politeness and respect it was intended. So I have to change my language to be more respectful and neutral to comply with the corporate policy. Now, I respect the policy because I know and understand the reasoning behind why it's there. That's part of the adult in me (I'm still apt to get into a nerf gun war with colleagues when visiting the Canadian office, however, to allow the kid in me to "bond" and "relax" with friends).

But in places like here, there isn't a strict policy like that and people seem to post without any awareness of responsibility of their post. It goes beyond Boots13 comment about "ME! ME! ME!". This is more a true heightened egocentric view and totally ignores impact of what one posts (e.g., someone posting something that could trigger and knows it could trigger for someone).

Gemme/Sweet&Content: This re-enforces my belief that we do truly judge a book by it's cover (I'll admit it -- I buy books based on how much the cover appeals to me or the blurb on the back does). Is this bad? Well, in some ways it denies us interaction with others who may actually be nice and interesting but have an interest in "dark" and "brooding" avatars/pictures.

Do either of you use the ignore feature or your own mental ignore feature on such persons so you never see their posts? if not, after reading their posts do you change your mind? if you choose to ignore, do you ever change your mind when you see others who quote them in posts?

Andrew, Jr. : It can be hard to read joking or sarcasm. I've misread it a few times and feel extremely horribly when I do. I think it's good that we try to be honest as to the face we present. Sometimes people don't realize that we present ourselves as we are with the information and experiences we've had thus far.

I think (and if I may say this, Andrew) it's good that you are open for constructive criticism. This isn't something that we're always open for (sometimes, I think, we don't want to hear that right away and need to vent first before we get that criticism) and sometimes we raise our "hackles" when someone offers genuine and honest criticisms.

Sweet&Content: Much like you and Andrew, I faced similar issues as child (moving 9 times between kindergarten and before I graduated high school certainly didn't help either). Body language and facial expressions make it easier to understand what else may be going on. It's hard because it puts the onus on the reader to ask if what is written is that or if there was more to it (if we think that there may be more to it).

I think I got exposed, however, to some positive stuff (a balance to the challenges of school and having not a single friend until age 17) thanks to my aunts and uncles. From a young age, most of my interactions were with them and it shaped how I understood language (both french and english). But that has hindered me a bit online in that some view how I "talk" is "talking down". K used to comment about how I'd do this until she met my aunts and uncles. And then understood that this was a learned language I had picked up from them (debating is a family pastime during the holidays and at family events -- the Freethinkers thread is the kind of thing we'd debate regularly).

Gemme: Agreed. It is that, as I mentioned, "judging a book by it's cover" concept. Whether this is bad or not, I dunno. Part of it I can see as a protective thing and as a feeling connected with those of like-minded viewpoints (I like some sparkle but I do like the brooding stuff too -- yes, I'm weird that way). At the same time, it makes me think that we limit our experience when we limit our interaction (the exception to this is when we have to limit our exposure for our own good or to avoid conflict with those we know we don't "play well with").

I do want to thank everyone who is participating in this thread (whether just reading or actively writing in it). It's been awesome and it's been opening my eyes up to more and more concepts. And more questions (always a good thing in my book).

[Andrew, Jr.]

I know for me, and me alone, I am used to criticism all the time. It is how I was raised. That is why I am hyper-sensitive today. I am learning to control my online anger, but I am not going to be a frontdoor mat.

It is my unspoken truth. I try to always be honest, open, sincere, and genuine. Heck, I have lost money to those who were in need. I never expected it back, but it would have been nice to have gotten it back. But that is on them.

Life is good if we all let our guard down.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Gemme]

Gemme/Sweet&Content: This re-enforces my belief that we do truly judge a book by it's cover (I'll admit it -- I buy books based on how much the cover appeals to me or the blurb on the back does). Is this bad? Well, in some ways it denies us interaction with others who may actually be nice and interesting but have an interest in "dark" and "brooding" avatars/pictures.

Do either of you use the ignore feature or your own mental ignore feature on such persons so you never see their posts? if not, after reading their posts do you change your mind? if you choose to ignore, do you ever change your mind when you see others who quote them in posts?


Gemme: Agreed. It is that, as I mentioned, "judging a book by it's cover" concept. Whether this is bad or not, I dunno. Part of it I can see as a protective thing and as a feeling connected with those of like-minded viewpoints (I like some sparkle but I do like the brooding stuff too -- yes, I'm weird that way). At the same time, it makes me think that we limit our experience when we limit our interaction (the exception to this is when we have to limit our exposure for our own good or to avoid conflict with those we know we don't "play well with").


I've never used the ignore feature. Ever. I'd like to say it's because I'm open-minded and all kum by yah, but it's mostly because I'm of the Jerry Springer era and nosy as all get out. I HAVE to know what is going on, what people are saying and who's going to get into it now. :curtain:

There are certain people who, over time, have irritated me to the point where once I see it's a post of theirs, I will skip over it. That happens rarely though and is because I HAVE spent time with them, in this medium, and KNOW that they are asshats for one reason or another.

Judging one another from a distance is definitely a self-preservation tactic. Whether it's sure to be a case of death by boredom if I read XYZ's post or whether I am sure to go postal on them for their arrogance/ignorance/general natural selection kind of stupidity, it's in my best interest not to spend online time around XYZ. In that circumstance, I'd definitely do what I could to avoid them and their posts, but not at the expense of my own enjoyment. I wouldn't abandon a particular thread forever if they came in and took control over it.

There are many, many people in our community who have felt outcast and unwanted and have been treated quite horribly throughout their lives. I think, when they see someone's avatar for the first time, the things that are similar to what brought them comfort during their lives is what they'll be drawn towards. Well, not just those people. All of us.

We all instinctively seek comfort. For some, comfort is brought by way of discomfort and pain and darkness. For others, it's sunshine and Cheerios. For others, it's sparkles and glitter and gumdrops. I'm like you; I like both sides of the duct tape (light and dark). After all, it sticks just the same, right?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Where is the ignore feature? I still can't figure that out.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

The ignore feature is on your profile page, its on the left hand side where it says ignore list

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thanks. :cowboy:

[NotAnAverageGuy]

no problem I had to go and figure that one out myself

[hpychick]

Really enjoyed reading the posts of everyone on this thread.

Since I'm not a member - yet - I have used the Dragon avatar - b/c it's my Chinese Zodiac. (Not that I'm Chinese or into Astrology.) They didn't have a cute little *chick* for me to use. As I'm typing, I'm finding it increasingly humorous that I feel the need the explain and defend my avatar.

As a woman, who has a lot of respect for herself, I find it disturbing personally, that some will give a full on cleavage shot, or practically nude photo of themselves. I'm not a prude, I have a great deal of respect for photographic art - for goodness sake, I'm an artist and draw full nudes - but the display of it - or of explicit kink - does bother me a bit. However - this is a forum for all, and I do accept all - Just sharing my nickel.

I'm guilty of making a snap-decision about someone based on their user name or their avatar. Shame on me. In my own defense, if I have opportunity to interact with that person, and my snap-decision turns out to be incorrect, I am woman enough to admit it.

I admire the honesty (Andrew Jr.) and the candor (Gemme) and the contributions on this thread.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

I don't see why you have to explain why you have a dragon avatar, even if you are a woman.

I am the only one on the forum, that I know of, that uses the Alien one. I try to stay different from others because I am different, but as soon as I get a paid membership I have already picked out my avatar.

I don't judge people from their avatars online, I judge em by how they act, what they say.

[Kast]

There's many facets to the human personality and a writer may study these and learn to write from various places and the poster does this naturally.

There's a 'child' place that we write from and then the 'adult'... I've found that when someone is in their 'adult' reading what someone has written in their 'child', this usually causes a collision of worlds.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I try not to judge others or other situations. As much as I would love to judge others, I have learned to stop myself. It isn't easy to do. It is human nature to judge. However, I have taken on the Buddist principle of judgement, and it has opened a door of peace for me.

For example, I am amazed over the Tiger Woods situation. He has earned so much money, respect, and so on and on over doing something he loves to do - play golf. I can say without a doubt, a year ago, I would have loved to have been in his shoes. Now, I can say without a doubt, I do not want to be in his shoes. It is a matter of knowing what his life is all about (from what I do know).

[Darth Denkay]

Wow, what a great idea for a thread!

I have not been involved in very many online communities. Truth be told including this site I have involved in exactly two. I learned all I know about online communication around these parts.

Communication is hard. I'm a therapist, and when working with individual clients we frequently address how to communicate with a partner, friend, boss. When I work with couples 99% of the time communication is one of the major issues. Basically, I think we suck at communicating.

I grew up having to constantly defend myself to a highly critical father. Do I sometimes feel defensive when it's not warranted - I'm sure I do. I am not comfortable in heated or passionate discussions online. As several have mentioned I rely a great deal on visual cues, and without them I have a very hard time interpreting such threads so generally shy away from them. I do post occasionally but usually only after some deliberation. In person, dialogue, debate, passionate discussions are welcome; online is a very different story for me.

To be frank, because I don't like online communication, I doubt I would be involved in any except that this site provides community that I need. You know, as I write this I realize it's probably sounds negative, but my reality is that I don't like this mode of communication. Of course if I don't like it so much I should just leave, right? But as I said, I value the community so I stick around and participate as feels comfortable.

So, while I'm venting, this venue does favor the outspoken folk. I won't go as far as to say those of us who are quieter are silenced, but our participation, I would venture a guess, is a challenge for many of us. It often feels as though we are expected to "step up" to everyone else's level, but that's an unfair expectation. Of course, it would also be unfair to expect others to "step down" so we are left with a difficult situation, one that may never be resolved.

Wow. It was nice to rant. Thanks for listening - it was good to share.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I asked this question in another thread, and I am going to post it here. I have no clue as to how to read other's posts. For example, how do you know if someone is joking, being serious, being rude, being threatening, or whatever? I struggle with this all the time. I am a visual person, and always have been. The smilies help me tremendously. :thumbsup::sailing::basketball::hammer:

I do see the punctuation, and but am Dyslexic. So words and reading comprehension is not my strong suit.

[Selenay]

I asked this question in another thread, and I am going to post it here. I have no clue as to how to read other's posts. For example, how do you know if someone is joking, being serious, being rude, being threatening, or whatever? I struggle with this all the time. I am a visual person, and always have been. The smilies help me tremendously. :thumbsup::sailing::basketball::hammer:

I do see the punctuation, and but am Dyslexic. So words and reading comprehension is not my strong suit.


Always assume someone is not being an asshole.
Even if they are in fact being twats, at least you'll be blissfully ignorant to that fact.

[Gemme]

Always assume someone is not being an asshole.
Even if they are in fact being twats, at least you'll be blissfully ignorant to that fact.

This is actually really good advice. If they are being snotheads, and you are just as sweet as pie, that will really get their goat and they'll wind up looking foolish.

Not that I'm sneaky like that ....:flasher:

[Andrew, Jr.]

I came back here to reread all the posts. I really have learned quite a bit.

Someone, and I forgot who it was, asked me if I knew how to cut/paste. I said no. And I really don't know how too. I just type word for word from newspapers and magazines I get in the mail. So, my question here is, how do I say that? I thought it was wrong to just put something in a thread without saying who the author was. Like I dreamed it up or something.

Thanks,
Andrew

[Gemme]

I came back here to reread all the posts. I really have learned quite a bit.

Someone, and I forgot who it was, asked me if I knew how to cut/paste. I said no. And I really don't know how too. I just type word for word from newspapers and magazines I get in the mail. So, my question here is, how do I say that? I thought it was wrong to just put something in a thread without saying who the author was. Like I dreamed it up or something.

Thanks,
Andrew

This isn't like doing a term paper, Andrew. There's no exact way to post things. Sometimes, you overthink things and make them harder on yourself than they need to be. A lot of people do that too. :)

For example, you could type an article ou found into a post and say, "I found this and thought it was interesting" or "This is an online article I found that I feel is relevant to this thread" or "Look what I found!" I'd make sure to include the author's name, if available, and where you got it for everyone else's reference.

As for cutting and pasting or copying and pasting, find something you'd like to copy. Select (highlight) that article, song lyrics, etc. I start from the bottom right corner and drag up to the point where I'm going to stop at. I've found, especially with copying lyrics, that that is an easier way than going down. *shrug* I'm not sure why, but it works better for me that way.

Once I've got what I want to copy highlighted, right click on your mouse. You'll have options open up in a box. Select copy. Go to where you'd like to put said item of interest and right click again at the point where you would like the article, etc to begin. Choose paste. Voila!

Now, you are free to format things as you see fit. Easy breezy, yes?

Something else you might consider is just copying and pasting the link into a post. That way, those who want to can go into the article and read it at its original (to you) location.

[Linus]

I decided to bump this thread because I have a question for some:

If you go into a thread and get "thumped" (whether by a mod or another user), does it bother you enough to leave a site? If so, why?

If not, do you decide to not go back into that thread ever or return later to check it out?

[Gemme]

I decided to bump this thread because I have a question for some:

If you go into a thread and get "thumped" (whether by a mod or another user), does it bother you enough to leave a site? If so, why?

If not, do you decide to not go back into that thread ever or return later to check it out?

Personally, no, but I can be a stubbornly annoying shit. Just ask my friends. :blink:

I may, however, see that I caused an issue, whatever it may be and take some time off to reflect on that. I would not abandon the site or the thread though just because of the 'thumping'. Leaving a whole site would take me a while to get to the point where that was a thought and then a reality for me. I'm loyal. Once I'm there, I'm there.

I come and go, subscribe and unsubscribe to threads all the time. I'm a bit fickle by nature, so I think it has more to do with that than the content of the threads or whether or not I was thumped. Sometimes, a good thumping is just what the doctor ordered, yanno?

[Semantics]

I decided to bump this thread because I have a question for some:

If you go into a thread and get "thumped" (whether by a mod or another user), does it bother you enough to leave a site? If so, why?

If not, do you decide to not go back into that thread ever or return later to check it out?

No.

Thumpings are usually well deserved and I don't take them personally or get my feelings hurt.

I always go back and look.

[Kimbo]

I decided to bump this thread because I have a question for some:

If you go into a thread and get "thumped" (whether by a mod or another user), does it bother you enough to leave a site? If so, why?

If not, do you decide to not go back into that thread ever or return later to check it out?

I try to be good and not get thumped by moderators, I do well with self moderation, however I have been thumped by other members. It does not bother me enough to leave a site. For the most part I respect those who have thumped me for their knowledge, point of view and passion. I am of the opinion we can have varied points of views and still get along, respect each other and be in the same community.

What does bother me and makes me feel like leaving is the tone of some posts. I know this is how some speak or come across, tone will deter me.

I have left some threads and never returned and others I've gone back, reread and, most often, gathered more food for thought.

[Kenna]

No.

Thumpings are usually well deserved and I don't take them personally or get my feelings hurt.

I always go back and look.

I try to be good and not get thumped by moderators, I do well with self moderation, however I have been thumped by other members. It does not bother me enough to leave a site. For the most part I respect those who have thumped me for their knowledge, point of view and passion. I am of the opinion we can have varied points of views and still get along, respect each other and be in the same community.

What does bother me and makes me feel like leaving is the tone of some posts. I know this is how some speak or come across, tone will deter me.

I have left some threads and never returned and others I've gone back, reread and, most often, gathered more food for thought.

I completely, utterly agree. Thanks Semantics and Kimbo, for beating me to it... tone is a serious determent for me, especially if it's an angry, resentful, "better than thou", or an obvious strike to derail. If I were to get thumped by the mods... than that means maybe my tone was offensive to others and I need to take a step back? I don't mind being humble and taking my thumping, then minding my manners and thanking those that "thumped me good".

I've recently stayed out of more substantial discussions... for personal reasons only and high stress levels stemming from my previous job... not because of the fear of being moderated or thumped. I recall posting in this thread early on... mostly a ramble about tone of voice and how I should moderate my own online communications, with respect to others.


I got THUMPED from my DSL service last night... right in the middle of posting this response... hope it works now?

[Linus]

Another curiousity:

Do you ever stop "listening" in a thread?

Do you think that you "listen" (and I mean listen, not just read to understand but fully appreciate)?

A behaviour I've noticed is that when two people are presenting opposite views or slightly similar views but described differently, it's almost as if we don't listen to what another says (e.g., "I understand where you're coming from but for me, it was.."). I'm beginning to wonder if this is why we often feel like we're disrespected (whether based on what we say, how we say it or who were are). It creates, to me, a feeling of dismissiveness of others experience (as if the other person's life has no value or meaning).

Granted these are my view of things ... but what do others think?

[julieisafemme]

Thumping is a slippery slope with me. Sometimes I can get too caught up in a thread. I get too emotional or stuck in a circle and I have to leave it. It is an avoidance technique for me.

I do get hurt sometimes. For the most part it does not bother me. The only subject I will not discuss now is religion because that got a little too hurtful and personal for me. That is just self-care on my part and in no way reflects on the discussion or how it was carried out.

As far as not listening? Yeah I totally do and see that. We all have our "schtick" if you will and I see the same phrases and arguments used over and over again. Since I can't truly see myself I would guess I do the same thing. Some people I am not able to "hear" anymore. I would think some people can't hear me either. It is the same in real time as well.

[Gemme]

Another curiousity:

Do you ever stop "listening" in a thread?

Do you think that you "listen" (and I mean listen, not just read to understand but fully appreciate)?

A behaviour I've noticed is that when two people are presenting opposite views or slightly similar views but described differently, it's almost as if we don't listen to what another says (e.g., "I understand where you're coming from but for me, it was.."). I'm beginning to wonder if this is why we often feel like we're disrespected (whether based on what we say, how we say it or who were are). It creates, to me, a feeling of dismissiveness of others experience (as if the other person's life has no value or meaning).

Granted these are my view of things ... but what do others think?

Yes, I do stop listening, really listening, in threads that I feel defensive in. Once I've been attacked or my viewpoint has been attacked, I tend to 'fight fire with fire'. I also stop listening to what is being said when I'm not interested in what is currently going on. I go on auto skim mode until something else peaks my interest. If that doesn't happen after a while, I unsubscribe.

I do try to 'see' what the other person is saying, when I feel that they have something worthwhile to say. I think we'd be lying if we said differently. We all judge everyone else. It's not only how we function but how we survive.

Dark alley, lone guy walking with an odd gait and something under his jacket? Instinct says to pick another alley, right? He may be a deranged fellow who likes to chop people up with the cleaver in his jacket or he might be a gentle and shy guy who has a limp and a cold Chihuahua under his jacket. How many of us would go into that alley and get close enough to find out? Not many I'm sure.

Our beliefs, ideals, faith, thoughts....etc....are part of us. I know that, when I feel as if I am being attacked or dismissed in a thread, I feel as if "I" am being....not my beliefs, ideals, faith or thoughts...attacked or dismissed. It's a hard pill to swallow. I shut off the 'hearing you' part and my inner troups gather and retaliate with 'take that!' or I just shut down or off or both.

We all like to be 'heard'. Sometimes that need overwhelms our desire to see others' viewpoints.

[Linus]

Thanks for the responses. I know that I personally, at times, have stopped listening in some threads but I've learned that when I do that, to try to step back and come back at another time once I've digested things a bit more.


The two of you that did respond (and those perhaps reading) I'm curious if you equate someone disagreeing with a post (let's say that they go through your post point-by-point and address each one individually rather than the post as a whole) as being against you as an individual? Do you ever feel slighted if people are continually on the other side of the fence than you (whatever that fence is)?

[Dude]

Linus,

I was really an ass to you once ( maybe twice? :watereyes:) when you were talking all computer techy to me.
I was frustrated and sooo lost in your terminology I got snippy ,rude and felt like you were talking down to me.
Anyway , you didnt deserve that and I am truly sorry

and thanks for the horse:cowboihorse:

[Linus]

Linus,

I was really an ass to you once ( maybe twice? :watereyes:) when you were talking all computer techy to me.
I was frustrated and sooo lost in your terminology I got snippy ,rude and felt like you were talking down to me.
Anyway , you didnt deserve that and I am truly sorry

and thanks for the horse:cowboihorse:

I appreciate the apology but I'll have to admit that I don't remember (it's something to do with getting old and memory being the 2nd thing to go). And I tend to give people who are in dire tech situations more leeway because I know frustration tends to get the better of us.

Even me at times. Ask Medusa and she'll tell ya. :cheesy:

[Gemme]

The two of you that did respond (and those perhaps reading) I'm curious if you equate someone disagreeing with a post (let's say that they go through your post point-by-point and address each one individually rather than the post as a whole) as being against you as an individual? Do you ever feel slighted if people are continually on the other side of the fence than you (whatever that fence is)?

I actually enjoy being disagreed with, if it's respectful. That's one way to learn and grow as a human being. I do, however, start getting snippy and irritated when it's the same person repeatedly addressing my posts, even if there's really nothing to address (stirring the pot, so to speak). I also get upset if I feel I am explaining myself the best way(s) I can and everyone that posts seems to get it except one person and that person lambasts me over and over for no apparent reason, other than personal gripes.

For me, mostly, it's about the tone and the inflection I interpret in folks' posts. If I feel that someone is being condescending and snotty (without having permission to be snotty to me regularly....an example would be Diva...not that she IS snotty to me but it's something that is allowed in our friendship because we're both quite snarky and sassy at times and sometimes it just works for us) to me, I feel my hackles rise. I don't get too bothered if someone's passionate about something. I'm Italian...I can do passion....but if they are obviously (to me, in my own interpretation) falling fast and furiously off the deep end, the length of my rope shortens significantly.

Honestly, I might get my feelings hurt if I was constantly corrected or rebuked for my beliefs but, unless it was extreme, I wouldn't carry it with me beyond that moment of passing hurt.

[Linus]

I read the following two articles:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/163734/it_takes_a_village_idiot_the_jerks_of_online_forum s.html

http://www.pcworld.com/printable/article/id,194081/printable.html

And some of it was dead on (particularly the comment about the various types of "idiots" on forums today). I'll admit to be a few of those idiots at one time or another. :P

[Medusa]

I read the following two articles:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/163734/it_takes_a_village_idiot_the_jerks_of_online_forum s.html

http://www.pcworld.com/printable/article/id,194081/printable.html

And some of it was dead on (particularly the comment about the various types of "idiots" on forums today). I'll admit to be a few of those idiots at one time or another. :P


Ha! A coworker actually just forwarded the "village idiot" one to me and I admit to having a chuckle over it :)

[Medusa]

This is one of my personal faves:

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/

It's a listing of "Flame Warriors". Internet personalities that I bet we can identify ;)

Just click the little drop-down box on the right and there is a huge list with some pretty amusing descriptions.

edited to add: It seems that author has employed a large amount of sexism to get his humor across so, just beware ahead of time.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Everyone!

I have no clue as to what thumping is. Never heard that before, Linus.

Yes, I am slow on the pickup of things, but I do recognize the people Medusa. Thank you for the link! I think it's a good site to use. I like to see visuals to connect with an emotion.

Enjoy your day!

[Linus]

LOL. "Thumping", in the BFPlanet world, means a mod has "thumped" you over the head for doing something bad.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Ohhhh. Ok. Got it. I really had no idea. I thought it was the name of a rabbit in a children's book or something.

[Medusa]

Just wanted to bump this thread up:


For anyone who uses Facebook or any other website where you talk to people you don't know, I highly recommend watching the movie "Catfish".

It's a documentary that just came out and I think every single person on this site should have to watch it as a condition of membership :)