Parker's Pad

[Parker]

Here's where I start my own thread to toss out anything from stories to blog entries to spoken word pieces to thoughts that roll around in my head and maybe even a video or two. :winky:

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I think I'll start off with something I love - I wrote it a couple of years ago when I was working on the Vet Art Project Seattle, which was a project for Vets to get together with artists who would help them with spoken word, music, dance, etc to explore their feelings about war, the military etc.

We performed our pieces in March 2010 and originally, I met with the organizer to stage manage the production, but as we talked through lunch, she decided I had too much to say not to perform. After a lot of agonizing over standing up in front of actual people and performing something, she convinced me.

Coincidentally (well, not really, I dont believe in coincidence), I had just written a rant in my private blog a day or so before she called me and when she and I had lunch, I spoke about it. She liked it, so I developed it a little and it became a spoken word piece.

What follows is a video a friend took of my performance of the piece, as well as the text - hopefully, sharing this will give me the kick in the ass that I need to do some more writing. :winky:

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Patriotism

Written & Performed by Parker Wolf
March 2010



CgTe4OvYL1A



I, Parker Wolf, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

When I first took that oath in January 1992, I was a few months shy of 21 years old and not thinking about god and country; I was thinking about college and the GI Bill.

Then later, as I spent more time in the Navy, training the men who would be shipped off to parts unknown, it became about the women and men around me.

I was an airman in the United States Navy and my first duty station was called a "rag squadron." It was comprised of about 98% women who trained men from other squadrons as they prepared to be deployed on aircraft carriers.

At that time, women were not stationed on ships, save for hospital ships, and the feminist in me was outraged at the idea that women were not allowed on certain ships and careers in the Navy, that a woman's physical testing was easier than a man's, that women were treated differently.

Later, as I looked back on that time and compared it to today, I started to realize that in certain situations, one human life is more valuable than another.

There was a time, when it came to combat in the military, that a woman's life was placed above that of a man's. It was always men that the US would send off to war; men who would come back shattered physically and emotionally or in body bags; men who were drafted.

Similarly, when it comes to the death of a human being, a soldier's death is placed above that of a civilian. Hell, we even have parades and motorcades for fallen soldiers.

A soldier from my hometown died in a roadside bomb a while back. The town had a parade for him; a 7 minute motorcade complete with police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, and dozens of motorcycles both leading and following his casket, family, and friends.

But where is the parade for the single mother of 3 who worked 2 jobs just to survive and put her kids through the best schools she could possibly afford, only to die of cancer from the factory that housed one of the many jobs she held over the years?

Where is the parade for the parents who were killed in a car accident by a drunk driver while taking their kids to Disneyland?

Where is the parade for the convenience store clerk shot to death by a mentally unstable man who was turned down for treatment - during a robbery of the store the clerk didn’t own; and at which he only made minimum wage?

When watching the videos on YouTube and seeing all of the tributes for that fallen soldier from my hometown, I asked myself: why is a soldier's death more important than an ordinary citizen's death?

The answer that we invariably get from those who consider themselves "patriots" around the country is that this soldier and thousands like him died for our freedom; that "freedom isn’t free" and he paid the ultimate price so I could stand before you now and denounce the war.

To those "patriots," I say bullshit!

Our freedom isn’t at stake here, our wallets are!

A country has not occupied the US, causing us to fight for our freedom and our very lives, these are countries that have resources that we want; and countries that we feel should be just like us, damn their own belief systems and traditions!

So we invade and we occupy these countries and we are then surprised and dismayed when our soldiers die from their resistance of our occupation.

Why?

For money.

Our soldiers are dying for money.

And instead of calling the President out and reminding him that he promised this shit would stop, we celebrate their deaths with motorcades and parades.

Because, and let's be honest here, to some, to denounce this occupation publicly means we are traitors .. that we are NOT patriots.

But unless you took that oath, unless you signed on that dotted line, unless you promised with all that you are that you would support and defend the Constitution of the United States, don’t speak to me about patriotism - and frankly, kiss my ass!

Now that I am older and have seen more than I needed to, I think back on that oath - an oath that I took twice - and I consider it a lifetime oath.

So I will support the Constitution of the United States - against ALL enemies, foreign AND domestic. I will protect it from the bigots who believe only certain people should have rights while others are left behind and treated as second-class citizens. I will stand up and support it against members of our government who would change it as they see fit. I will not stand by and watch anyone in a position of authority abuse that authority while ignoring the rights of the individual.

I will exercise my rights to speak against an occupation that we know is wrong, but cannot seem to get past our own fears and egos to end.

Because if these women and men are so goddamned important to us that their deaths deserve a parade, then why aren't they important enough to us to BRING THEM THE FUCK HOME??

Now, THAT'S a parade I would attend!

[gaea]

that is a parade i would attend as well.

You were brave to have gone in the military, brave to have endured and seen all you have.

I really enjoyed your first post.

[Parker]

Thank you :)

Let the kick in the ass to write more commence lol :winky:

[gaea]

yep..it just takes once lol

[Parker]

Back in 1994, I was a baby dyke in the Navy, stationed in San Diego but dating a woman who was stationed up in Point Magu near Oxnard, CA. One weekend, I went up to visit her and she introduced me to a friend of hers - a man by the name of Shane who was a Wiccan, raised by a mother who was also Wiccan.

He was an incredibly tranquil man, soft spoken and so nice - he liked to sit outside and just "be" and because he knew I had an affinity for trees and forests, he encouraged me to sit with my back against a tree to commune with its energy.

So I sat on the ground with my back pressed up against a very large tree while the win gently blew all around me and, aside for the occasional bird chirping or animal rustling in a bush, everything was quiet. I was suddenly inspired to write the following.




I Cannot Hold Her

Her kiss
Is so sweet
So soft
So pure
Yet I cannot hold her
I hear her
Calling to me late at night
Past the moon and the stars
I hear her
Whispering to me softly
Through the trees on a warm spring day
Yet I cannot hold her
She is as gentle as a babbling brook
And as rough as the raging seas
She is as warm as I need her to be
And as cold as she wants to be
Yet I cannot hold her
I can hear my love
I can feel my love
Yet I cannot hold her
For my love is the wind
And I must let her go

[Parker]

Wanna go for a ride? :sunglass:

I went for a ride on my motorcycle in north Seattle this past spring and decided to put on my helmet cam to show my POV when riding. This is one of my favorite spots when riding because of all the trees, the little brook by the side of the road, etc - nice and relaxing.

I meant to use this same cam during Pride when riding with the Dykes on Bikes but I forgot my memory card! :seconddoh:

This year I'll remember to put the damn card in the cam so I can take a video of this rider's POV during the DoB ride. :winky:




OUgYF1F1MRw

[Scuba]

Parker, thanks for sharing this!! What a great idea. N. Seattle is beautiful. Am excited to do the Cascade loop and highway 2. Give me a shout sometime...would love to head out on a group ride.

Scoobs

[Parker]

That would be awesome Scoobs :)

I have a friend down in Richland who went with her hubby to Sturgis a few years ago - bought herself a trike. She came up once to be a "dyke for a day" and ride with us during Pride - she would probably love to join a group ride. :bandana:

[Parker]

The first things that draw my attention to a woman arent what one might think. It's not the sexy outfit, the perfect hair, the legs that go for miles, or even the tits and ass. It's the little things. The parts of a woman that some take for granted and most never see ........



It always starts with the mouth.
The kind of mouth you can stare at for hours
While she tells you about her day,
Or a story from her life experience.
The kind of mouth that draws you in.

Then it moves on to the eyes.
The kind of eyes you can get lost in.
Deep pools of any color
Encompassing the soul behind them.
The kind of eyes that see right through
All of your bullshit.

Finally, it's on to the hands.
The kind of hands that show her strength
Of character.
Feminine and strong, with nails that are painted
Or left untouched.
The kind of hands that tell her life's story.

[Parker]

Before DADT was repealed, I was thinking of working on a spoken word piece about it.
A few minutes ago, I decided to put those thoughts down on paper.



Don’t ask don’t tell
March 7, 2012


Don’t ask me who I am
And I wont show you the real me

Ask me to volunteer
To stand beside my sisters and brothers
In battle
To watch them die
To carry them home
In a box

Ask me to defend your right
To take away my rights
To bash me
To oppress me
To vote against me
To keep me from the ones that I love

Ask me to protect and defend
The Constitution
Of the United States
While you change it
To make sure
I am no longer represented
By it

But don’t ask me who I am
Beneath this uniform
Pinned to these medals

If you don’t ask
I won't tell.

[Parker]

A friend of a friend passed away today ....

Life's crazy - one minute you're playing racquetball and the next, you're lying dead on the court from a massive coronary.

He was a good man, always had a kind word for and to me, and he will be missed by me and the rest of his community here in Seattle.

RIP Charles. :candle:

[Parker]

Sometimes when I am watching TV and I see how agile people are with the running, jumping, playing ball, hiking, and hell, even just squatting and getting back up - all so easily and without pain - I find myself envying them.

I used to be that active - playing softball, women's contact football, volleyball, going hiking, canoeing, climbing up and down helicopters in the Navy, going for long walks (I used to walk for hours) or even a run ....

I miss it. I miss being able to move without pain. I miss being able to kneel, squat, or even sit on the floor and be able to get back up without any effort whatsoever. I miss playing ball -- softball season is here and I wish more than anything that I could join a team and play. I would also really love to be able to try out for the women's contact football team here - I couldnt believe how much fun that was back in the day.

But mostly, I would love to be able to just go for a hike in the woods somewhere ... walking on a blanket of leaves and pine needles, under a canopy of trees ... damn, I miss that.

[gaea]

Sometimes when I am watching TV and I see how agile people are with the running, jumping, playing ball, hiking, and hell, even just squatting and getting back up - all so easily and without pain - I find myself envying them.

I used to be that active - playing softball, women's contact football, volleyball, going hiking, canoeing, climbing up and down helicopters in the Navy, going for long walks (I used to walk for hours) or even a run ....

I miss it. I miss being able to move without pain. I miss being able to kneel, squat, or even sit on the floor and be able to get back up without any effort whatsoever. I miss playing ball -- softball season is here and I wish more than anything that I could join a team and play. I would also really love to be able to try out for the women's contact football team here - I couldnt believe how much fun that was back in the day.

But mostly, I would love to be able to just go for a hike in the woods somewhere ... walking on a blanket of leaves and pine needles, under a canopy of trees ... damn, I miss that.


some of us take it for granted how easily we can move around. Im so sorry you deal with this.

when i first started having severe pain in my neck and arm later to learn it was nerve damage, my ability to play pool was taken away...i was angry i was angry that it hurt to do what i loved to do..so i took my time and i played anyway i played through the pain of it all even sometimes suffering major migraines just to play..in 6 years it has taken me from being able to only play a few shots to several games ina row..

in essence...

baby steps if you can. i know the difficulties in what it takes ot push past the pain however it can be done one step at a time.

[Parker]

I always hated my name when I was growing up: Deborah.

There isnt anything wrong with the name itself, it just always felt wrong on me somehow - like it belonged to someone else and I as just borrowing it or something.

Debbie.
Little Debbie.
Debbie Does Dallas.

God, how I hated being called Debbie.

Even when I got older and I would introduce myself as Deborah, people would look right at me, shake my hand, and say, "nice to meet you, Debbie."

Ugh.

Later still, as I became more comfortable in my butch skin and I realized it was ok to be masculine and woman at the same time, the name became almost unbearable.

Picture this masculine butch woman sitting in a waiting room waiting to be called in to see a doctor or for an interview and someone comes out with a clip board. They read off my name, "Deborah" and then stand there, waiting. I stand up and walk toward them and get to watch them as they continually look down at their clip board and then back up at me - clearly not making the connection that (a) I am not a man and (b) my name is, in fact, Deborah.

It especially sucked when it was for a job interview because I had a great resume and a female name, but I was a butch dyke and we can always tell what other people are thinking when they get "that look" as they look us up and down - they either arent fast or good enough at hiding said "look."

This wasnt why I changed my name, of course, just an illustration of part of why I disliked the name so much.

It took me years to decide it was "ok" to change my name even though I wasnt and never wanted to transition into a man - for a long time, in my mind, I felt like it just wasnt allowed; that you are given this name when you are born and you are stuck with it for life.

Eventually, in my mid-30s, I talked myself into it and decided it was ok - I was giving myself permission .... but then I had to decide on a name because, kinda like a tattoo, this name would be permanent, so I'd better dan well like it!

I wanted something more gender neutral - something either women or men could use and I had always liked the name Parker - it just felt right. Then when I found out its meaning (park keeper), it felt even more "right" because I have always had an affinity for trees.

Great - so I had a first name ... but should I then change my last name?

The answer came from deep inside with a decision I made a long time ago when I thought I was straight and that I would marry a man when I grew up: that I would not take my husband's name because that felt like ownership to me.

Then it hit me: I already had a man's name - my father's last name. So should I take my mom's maiden name? Crap - that's a man's name as well, her father's.

It seemed that no matter which way I turned to look at the names in my family tree, they were all names which belonged to men - so I decided to pick my own last name.

Along with trees, I have always had an affinity for wolves as well - this is very hard to explain, but since most people have an affinity for one animal or another, I probably dont have to try.

I struggled for a short time with using that name - I didnt want anyone to think I was trying to appropriate anything/one/culture - but I really loved how the two names came together and just sort of rolled off of the tongue ... after standing in front of a mirror and saying both names together, it sounded right - I had a name that "fit."

The actual changing was easy - about $100, a filled out form, and a couple of hours in the local courthouse and I was "official."

Interestingly, people seem to like the name - some people love it so much, they say my full name every time they see me. People from my past had a hard time of it at first - especially my mom because it hurt her feelings to have one of her children change the name she gave them - but after a while, they see how good of a fit it is.

I do have a few problems now and then because Parker is a very popular surname so a lot of people think my name is Wolf Parker. Also, even though the name Parker can and is used for both women and men, I think adding the name Wolf on the end may have added a masculinizing (did I just make that word up?) effect for some people because when dealing with written correspondence, I get "Mr." about 40% of the time

But all-in-all, I think I made a good decision - and the right one for me. When I talk to people who have only known me with this name and tell them what my name used to be, they look at me funny and say, "that doesnt sound like you" or "that just doesnt fit you" and I have to laugh to myself because it took me so damn long to figure that out.

[Parker]

This, unfortunately, could be my last season on a motorcycle. :(

I just dont have the strength to deal with it anymore (it's a 2001 Suzuki Marauder 800 and about 450lbs) - I cant hold it up without straddling it or without the kickstand down - forget about picking it up if I drop it - and it is even getting harder and harder to roll it in and out of its shed.

So, I decided to sell it right after Pride - one more Dykes on Bikes run and then I will part with her. :(

Someone suggested getting a smaller bike - maybe a 450-600cc - he is a older man who is small in stature and he said he couldnt give up riding, so he just gave up riding the bigger bikes.

I figure if I want to keep riding, it will probably either be that or a trike - and I cant afford a trike! lol

We'll see .....

[Parker]

I dont know why it shocks me so much to see people openly wish violence or harm onto people with whom they disagree, but it shocks me every time.

I dont want to align myself with any person or organization who does, condones, or thinks this behavior is ok - I would rather spend my energy on positive things, people, and organizations.

I've seen this behavior across the board, from all walks of life, from Conservatives to Liberals, from LGBT to anti-LGBT, from pro-choice to pro-life, and everything in between.

Most recently, I saw a post on my FB from a rescue I work with talking about a dog who broke her leg when she fell out of a truck. She recently had puppies and while the owners wanted to keep the puppies, the took the dog with the broken leg to the vet to be euthanized. The rescue I work with was looking for a foster home so they could work on getting the dog transported up here (WA) from CA.

Almost immediately, the comments went to a violent place with people making threats against the owners and wishing violence and horrible things upon these people.

Now, of course I disagree vehemently with euthanizing a dog just for a broken leg and I think the owners are idiots for (a) having their dog in such a position that she could fall out of a truck like that and (b) for wanting to euthanize a dog with something that can be fixed; but we know nothing about these people, their money situation, or how they came to the conclusion to euthanize the dog.

One would think that maybe instead of threatening these people, wishing harm upon them, or even committing violence against them, we would educate them and others on how to best handle a situation such as that.

I am pretty poor and if something catastrophic happened to one of my dogs, it would be very very difficult for me to afford a vet bill and I would do everything in my power to make sure my dogs got the care that they needed; but in the mean time, I do my best to keep them out of harm's way so that the possibility of their getting injured like that is lower.

But again ... to wish violence on someone just because they dont know what else to do? Get angry with them, make a passionate plea to them, maybe even help them financially if you can, and above all, educate them; but violence?

What kind of world is this where our first instinct is to wish harm on those with whom we disagree?

[Parker]

My Formosan Mountain Dog, Jack has started freaking out in the back yard on the sunnier, warmer days - he runs around in circles around this pile of dirt and rocks the handyman left behind when it started raining again - he also tries to get the other dogs to run with him &/or chase him (Zeke is the red dog, Harley is the tan one), and he barks and smiles like a mad dog.

He didnt do it for very long yesterday, but I was outside when he did it so I was able to catch him on camera - even on a day like today when I am feeling a little melancholy, that boy can still make my heart smile .....



rOoCyFA0ntg

[gaea]

My Formosan Mountain Dog, Jack has started freaking out in the back yard on the sunnier, warmer days - he runs around in circles around this pile of dirt and rocks the handyman left behind when it started raining again - he also tries to get the other dogs to run with him &/or chase him (Zeke is the red dog, Harley is the tan one), and he barks and smiles like a mad dog.

He didnt do it for very long yesterday, but I was outside when he did it so I was able to catch him on camera - even on a day like today when I am feeling a little melancholy, that boy can still make my heart smile .....



rOoCyFA0ntg

that video was adorable.

[Parker]

Unfortunately, he will not be that adorable when you and Bear meet him - most likely, he will fear-poop and run away.

It will probably only be funny to me. lol

Just remember, the trick to getting him to come to you is to call Zeke over - where ever Zeke goes, Jack will surely follow.

[gaea]

Unfortunately, he will not be that adorable when you and Bear meet him - most likely, he will fear-poop and run away.

It will probably only be funny to me. lol

Just remember, the trick to getting him to come to you is to call Zeke over - where ever Zeke goes, Jack will surely follow.


ok then I will remember that. :), i haven't met a dog yet that wasn't comfortable with me.

My friend Lori has a female pit that she claimed the pit wouldn't let anyone near her, posh that girl was rubbing up on me and laid at my feet within ten minutes of meeting her...Lori said "I don't know how you do that".

[Parker]

Hopefully, it will be that way here - Zeke likes everyone so he wont be a problem - Harley is an old, cranky, protective bitch, so when you first meet her, she will have on her muzzle, just to be safe - but once you two have met and she sees you're ok, she will be a-ok for the rest of your visit.

But I fully expect my Taiwan boys to run away and try to hide; poor babies may have been with me for almost 2 years but before that, they were in hell and are still leery of humans.

Max is better with people than other dogs, but I am hoping he finds a friend in Bear because they can be small together in this house of crazy. :winky:


https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/396566_10100457748410540_22912279_52055294_7257981 89_n.jpg
(from left: Zeke, Max, Jack, and Harley)

[gaea]

I think they will be ok here is a couple of pics with Bear and her best friend who is a great pyranese

this cracks me up every time
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d170/hstigen/d2325b28.jpg

http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d170/hstigen/9cadc4b3.jpg

my friend was checking my breaks which yay they didn't need changed

[Parker]

Oh, they will be ok - they just may run and hide when you first get here!

Go 'head Bear - hump that dog! :blink:

I need to get my brakes checked - either my brakes AND shocks need to be replaced or my brakes are acting funny because my shocks are so bad ... either way, I have zero$ for either, so I guess it's moot! :winky:

[Parker]

6 years ago today, I hit Seattle, sight unseen, after taking my last final at ISU (I skipped my graduation) and driving with my (then) 2 dogs across the country for 3 days. I had never been to Seattle, I just picked it out of all the places I could live that had a good sized theatre community, packed up my stuff, and went for it.

Took me about a week to line up an apartment and another week to find a "regular" job and to get gigs in a couple of theatres, namely, Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center and Freehold. :)

I remember when I found that apartment, I couldnt move in until the 1st of June and I couldnt afford to keep living in the crack house they called a hotel so I put an ad in Craigslist and a lesbian couple just south of Seattle answered my ad. They had a house with an extra room upstairs - they also had 2 dogs, a few cats, and a fenced in backyard so I could bring my 2 babies. Their only stipulation was that I do some manual labor in the yard to earn my keep - they found a buried pond in their front yard and wanted me to dig it out. :winky:

This is actually the longest I've lived in one area since I was a kid living at home. lol

[Parker]

A story ....

Feeding my Taiwan puppy, Jack in the morning is easy because I went back to feeding him the refrigerated food roll once a day since he refused to eat the crunchy food twice a day - some days, he wouldnt eat at all, so I had no choice because he is a skinny little puppy.

Anyway, now he eats his morning meal with his doggie prozac and he gobbles it down in a couple minutes - but in the evening, when I put out the crunchy food, it is on. lol

Sometimes, he needs me to be in the room with him, sometimes he needs me to be away from the room, sometimes he needs it quiet in the house, sometimes not - the night before last, he sat in here for a couple of hours, refusing to eat until finally it was time for bed and I put the food away - and when I came in here, he was shaking so uncontrollably, it was pathetic. Last night, he laid down on the floor for over an hour - I called out to him from the living room to put that food in his belly and a few minutes later, he got up and started eating it.

This boy, I swear. He reminds me of me when I was a kid and my mom served us cooked beets for dinner. I hated beets (I think I was the only one though - everyone else loved them) and refused to eat them - she and dad said I would sit there until I ate the beets.

Well, I ate everything off of my plate except the beets, I just left them there and sat there with them on the plate in front of me. mom, dad, Julie, and Bill all finished their dinner - Julie and Bill were excused from the table and they went with dad into the living room to watch TV.

Still, I sat there with those beets on my otherwise empty plate while my mom cleared the table and did the dishes. She finished the dishes, wiped down the table around me, put the runner and centerpiece back on the table, turned off the lights and went into the living room, leaving me sitting there in the dark with my plate of beets.

Eventually - and I have no idea how long this was but in my memory and to my child's mind, it felt like hours went by - mom and dad sent me to bed as the plate of beets still sat there on the table.

What a frustratingly stubborn kid I was - I cant imagine having to deal with me as a parent, lol - but dealing with this picky, stubborn, anxious puppy at least gives me a hint. ;o)

[Parker]

I went out this morning to find a small hard back book out of which I could make a "book safe" because the last time I made one, I used a paperback book and used too much glue so it was obvious what it was before you even picked it up from the shelf. lol

But I digress; while I was wandering back and forth, looking for something that I could use and that wouldnt look out of place on my shelf, something caught my eye. It was hard back and the front/back covers were tied together over the bound pages. It was brown with a leaf pattern on it and the title "Leaves of Gold," which is "an anthology of prayers, memorable phrases, inspirational verse, and prose" from circa 1938 - this is the 1948 revised edition.

I bought it and at first, I didnt know what to do with it, but now as I am typing, it occurs to me that I might could send it to my nephew/godson and his fiance as a wedding gift -- it feels like a good gift to come from an Aunt/Godmother when you get married, yes?

This picture is of the cover and then I opened the book to a random page to show the inside. :)


https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/s720x720/182302_10100751039897050_1278759584_n.jpg

[gaea]

I went out this morning to find a small hard back book out of which I could make a "book safe" because the last time I made one, I used a paperback book and used too much glue so it was obvious what it was before you even picked it up from the shelf. lol

But I digress; while I was wandering back and forth, looking for something that I could use and that wouldnt look out of place on my shelf, something caught my eye. It was hard back and the front/back covers were tied together over the bound pages. It was brown with a leaf pattern on it and the title "Leaves of Gold," which is "an anthology of prayers, memorable phrases, inspirational verse, and prose" from circa 1938 - this is the 1948 revised edition.

I bought it and at first, I didnt know what to do with it, but now as I am typing, it occurs to me that I might could send it to my nephew/godson and his fiance as a wedding gift -- it feels like a good gift to come from an Aunt/Godmother when you get married, yes?

This picture is of the cover and then I opened the book to a random page to show the inside. :)


https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/s720x720/182302_10100751039897050_1278759584_n.jpg



What a beautiful book...

[Parker]

I thought so - it really called out to me from the shelf and once I held it in my hands, I knew I wouldnt be leaving without it.

[Parker]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/533083_10100752484013030_354737562_n.jpg


Heard a knock on my door - opened the peep-door and saw my next door neighbor standing out there with her arm in a sling.

Turns out she was motorcycle riding with some friends the other day, doing almost 60mph in a 35mph zone as she tried to catch up to them. She hit some gravel on a curve and broke, which stood the bike up - she lost control, her bike hit head-on into a pole and she went flying through the air, landing on her left side and breaking her collarbone.

She was wearing a full-face helmet and denim so other than the collar bone, there was minimal damage to her body but the bike was totaled. She is not sure she wants to get another motorcycle.

Needless to say, she will not be riding in Pride. :(


It is sometimes scary to think about, but so many bike accidents that I hear or read about - or watch on youtube lol - are due to loss of control because of speed and power. My neighbor admitted that her bike is really powerful and it was so easy to speed and not realize how fast she was going at times.

I know that we are supposed to go just a bit faster than all of the cars around us so that we are more visible, but I am more of a "Sunday driver" - I am out there to cruise along and enjoy the experience of what I imagine is the closest I will ever come to flying. I give the people around me a wide berth and keep my head on a swivel - which, once you've been surrounded by helicopters and jets, is kinda second nature. lol

I feel bad for her - she is pretty shell-shocked. I remember when I was a 21yo baby dyke on my first bike and I was riding, lost, in San Diego in the middle of the night right after it rained. I saw a car out of the corner of my eye braking and when I looked up, I saw a yellow light. Instead of just running the yellow light, I panicked, hit my front brakes, and my bike and I were one with the pavement for about half a block, sliding into home plate in the middle of an intersection.

I remember getting up after that, getting back on my bike, and driving for a few blocks before pulling over so I could stop shaking. I can understand her feeling of not wanting another bike but I kinda hope she is able to overcome that and get another one some day.

My friend Michele might be coming here for Pride from SE Washington - she rides a trike, so I am going to ask her if my neighbor could ride with her. If they both agree, at least my neighbor can have the feeling of riding with the Dykes on Bikes and maybe that will help her decide if she wants to ride again ....

[Parker]

I didnt even have to ask my friend Michele if my neighbor could ride with her on her trike - as soon as she saw the pic and heard the story, she offered.

Michele likes to play "dyke for a day" and come ride with the Dykes on Bikes in her trike - she did it the first time in 2010, which was my first time as well. She said she did it because she knew I wouldnt do it unless I went with someone, but she had such a damn blast - everyone stopped to oogle her trike and she loved riding in the parade so much she also rode in the Tri-Cities (eastern WA) parade with a gay youth. She volunteers with LGBT youth and had some sort of contest or drawing or something to give a kid a chance to ride with her in the parade and the kid in the below pic is the one who won. :winky:

She wasnt able to ride with me last year because she is a diabetic who has been battling some pretty serious infections in her feet and keeps having to have surgeries, toe amputations, etc - always with the wearing of those big giant boot things and last summer was surgery time so this Pride should be fun because she will be able to ride with us again! :)

Anyway, not sure if my neighbor will say yes, but I really hope she does - I really think riding in this trike will help her deal with her fears over what happened to her.

While I love Michele's little trike, if I was going to get one (which I really kinda want one now), I wouldnt get one like hers. Number 1, it is more like a tiny convertible car on 3 wheels with its car steering wheel, car pedals, trunk, and body; and number 2, it cost like $32k - wtf! No, if I get one, it will be the kind that looks like a motorcycle in the front and just happen to have 2 wheels (training wheel, lol) in the back. :winky:



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[Parker]

This boy, I swear. He reminds me of me when I was a kid and my mom served us cooked beets for dinner. I hated beets (I think I was the only one though - everyone else loved them) and refused to eat them - she and dad said I would sit there until I ate the beets.

Well, I ate everything off of my plate except the beets, I just left them there and sat there with them on the plate in front of me. mom, dad, Julie, and Bill all finished their dinner - Julie and Bill were excused from the table and they went with dad into the living room to watch TV.

Still, I sat there with those beets on my otherwise empty plate while my mom cleared the table and did the dishes. She finished the dishes, wiped down the table around me, put the runner and centerpiece back on the table, turned off the lights and went into the living room, leaving me sitting there in the dark with my plate of beets.

Eventually - and I have no idea how long this was but in my memory and to my child's mind, it felt like hours went by - mom and dad sent me to bed as the plate of beets still sat there on the table.

What a frustratingly stubborn kid I was - I cant imagine having to deal with me as a parent, lol - but dealing with this picky, stubborn, anxious puppy at least gives me a hint. ;o)


I posted this same story on my FB and my mom commented on it a few times - she didnt discount how things happened, but said I wasnt sitting there for hours lol. She also hinted towards the fact that making me sit there with those beets on my plate was a parenting mistake - and I think she feels bad about it.

What she doesnt understand - and I am not sure she ever will because we are so different in this respect - is that I love the hell out of that story and tell it with a smile. Anyone who knows me can picture my stubborn ass sitting there in the dark with those damn beets instead of just giving in and doing what mom wanted by swallowing them down so I could leave the table!

She probably thinks it's a bad story and that it makes me dislike her or think she was a bad parent or that my childhood was omg-ruined or something - whereas I think it is such a great story that perfectly expresses how frustrating it must have been to be my parent ... or boss ... or commanding officer ... or ... lol.

Poor mom - I should send her an e-book (she loves her Kindle!) or something.

[Parker]

An old friend messaged me on FB telling me she and her wife might be coming to Pride this year and she asked me what all was happening that weekend.

It was so weird talking to her because we knew each other 20 years ago when I was a baby dyke in the Navy stationed in San Diego (or San Dog) and holy hell, did I have it bad for her! lol

I had *just* come out, hadnt even dated any women, and spent most of my time either on the flight deck at my squadron or hanging in the local lesbo bar where I worked as a barback. I met her through a friend - they were also in the Navy - and I was hooked from the first hello.

She was a bit older and so confident - cocky, really - and in fact that was what stopped me from having her be my first .... she literally counted how many virgins she had had and while to some that might be a turn on, I didnt want to be another number - another notch on the headboard, so to speak. So we just became really good friends.

I remember once, she was stationed in Korea and I would send her tapes of me chatting with her instead of letters - I even mailed off a tape recorder with the first tape so she could listen to them all.

She was still there over Christmas so I sent her 2 things: one was a really small Christmas tree with tiny little ball ornaments and garland; and the other was her favorite beer - Corona - each wrapped individually in bubble wrap and then put into a box. She said when she got the beer it was still cold and none of them had had anything like that for months so she and her friends sat by the fire and each had a beer - it was the best beer they ever had.

Anyway, I digress ..... I think about that baby dyke and how silly she was, how little confidence she had, how scared she was of the world in general and when I chatted with J the other day, it felt like we had switched places.

She is physically disabled like me and also like me, she has gained weight (we are both carrying around a Back Street Boy - and they arent as light as they look!) ... but over the years, it seems that she has lost a lot of her confidence and while I dont consider myself cocky, I am confident in who I am and I am content with my life.

It's like we're two different people than those women from 20 years ago ... I look back and it feels like, literally, another lifetime and I have no idea who those people are!

[nycfem]

This is very moving. I love the combination of such vivid memories (the cold beer) and thinking how things have changed. I am enjoying your prose very much. (f)

An old friend messaged me on FB telling me she and her wife might be coming to Pride this year and she asked me what all was happening that weekend.

It was so weird talking to her because we knew each other 20 years ago when I was a baby dyke in the Navy stationed in San Diego (or San Dog) and holy hell, did I have it bad for her! lol

I had *just* come out, hadnt even dated any women, and spent most of my time either on the flight deck at my squadron or hanging in the local lesbo bar where I worked as a barback. I met her through a friend - they were also in the Navy - and I was hooked from the first hello.

She was a bit older and so confident - cocky, really - and in fact that was what stopped me from having her be my first .... she literally counted how many virgins she had had and while to some that might be a turn on, I didnt want to be another number - another notch on the headboard, so to speak. So we just became really good friends.

I remember once, she was stationed in Korea and I would send her tapes of me chatting with her instead of letters - I even mailed off a tape recorder with the first tape so she could listen to them all.

She was still there over Christmas so I sent her 2 things: one was a really small Christmas tree with tiny little ball ornaments and garland; and the other was her favorite beer - Corona - each wrapped individually in bubble wrap and then put into a box. She said when she got the beer it was still cold and none of them had had anything like that for months so she and her friends sat by the fire and each had a beer - it was the best beer they ever had.

Anyway, I digress ..... I think about that baby dyke and how silly she was, how little confidence she had, how scared she was of the world in general and when I chatted with J the other day, it felt like we had switched places.

She is physically disabled like me and also like me, she has gained weight (we are both carrying around a Back Street Boy - and they arent as light as they look!) ... but over the years, it seems that she has lost a lot of her confidence and while I dont consider myself cocky, I am confident in who I am and I am content with my life.

It's like we're two different people than those women from 20 years ago ... I look back and it feels like, literally, another lifetime and I have no idea who those people are!

[Parker]

Pride was so much fun this year. My friend, Michele missed it last year and she decided that come hell or high water, she was making the drive in her trike up from SE Washington to ride in the parade with me. She isnt gay, she's an ally, but no one seems to care if you are woman, man, gay, straight, or bi when it comes to riding with the Dykes on Bikes - if you have a bike and love Gay Pride, come on and ride with us. lol

Since it rained pretty hard on Friday, Michele drove up on Saturday, but it rained even harder on her drive up - she said there was rain, high winds, and some hail - and at one point, she had to pull over!

She also had some bike issues - her heater went out, her gear shift didnt want to work, and eventually, when she was in Seattle, her trike overheated to the point that I had to bring her some water - even though she had no clue where she was ... that was an adventure. :winky:

Her husband was worried that he hadnt heard from her since her road trouble, so he called and when she told him she overheated and her radiator was tapped out, he was concerned enough to make the 4hr trip out here to look at and fix her bike. Turned out, it was a blown fuse that just needed replacing. He spent the night and left Sunday morning.

So with Michele's trike in running order, all that was left was the weather - and just like last year, the Seattle skies decided that instead of opening up and pouring rain on all of us, it would instead push the clouds aside and let the sun peek through for a few hours. :)

We got there early enough to talk to a few people, wipe our bikes down, chill out before the start of the parade, etc. At one point, this woman (she is right behind me in the first pic below) walked up to me and asked me how long I'd been doing this. I told her 3yrs and she then asked what color my bike was ..... um, blue. She told me I was supposed to say something like cobalt blue, so I told her it was cobalt blue; and when she asked me my bike's name, I told her "for sale." :winky:

The DOB ride was wonderful - I knew it very well could be my last, so I rode slowly while all the crotch rockets zoomed on by and lapped me a few times lol. I gave high-fives to the crowd and found my friend Alan so I could toss him my Pride necklace again this year - and he took a couple of good pics of me. :) Towards the end of the ride, I kept seeing this woman - a tall butch with salt-n-pepper hair who was so excited to see us all. So when I lapped around for the 2nd to last time (I snuck in one more circle before going off to park), I grabbed my other Pride necklace, pointed to her as I drove towards her and tossed her the "beads" - she was so happy and it was so freaking awesome. :)

After the ride, we watched part of the parade and then left to go get a couple of Jimmy John's subs since she had never had one (they are SO much better than Subway, seriously). Then we went back to my house and took naps bc we are old and that evening, we went to a restaurant that we both thought might be interesting - the Celtic Bayou - which serves both Cajun and Irish cuisine. It was good. :)

The coolest thing is that I not only remembered my helmet cam this year - as well as the batteries and memory card to go with it (I forgot the card last year lol) - I was able to set it to record while it was strapped onto my headlight, so it caught the whole Dykes on Bikes ride from the rider's POV - save for the last 30 seconds or so when we all pulled around the corner and parked near the festival entrance. :)

Below are a couple of pics of me, a couple of Michele in her trike, and the whole 45 minute video of my ride - but feel free to skip the first 3 minutes because we are all just sitting there, honking our horns and revving our engines as we wait to get started during that time. :winky:

Oh - I try to look a little different each year - 2 years ago, I wore a fedora type hat, last year was my ball cap (CUBS!) and this year was my ball cap backwards. I am also wearing a shirt Michele got for me at Portland Pride last weekend (she took some LGBT youth from her area) - it says Veterans for Human Rights (VfHR.org).


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KEZh1b2vdJQ

[Parker]

I cant believe I almost forgot today was the 43rd anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. I knew there was something about today .....

Every year, I re-read info and accounts about the riots to remember the women and men who stood up to the police that night - and then came back a year later for the first ever Gay Pride March.


I posted this to my FB today:


https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/205338_10100779986173480_1158817484_n.jpg


43 years ago today - June 28, 1969 at 1:20 in the morning - the Stonewall riots occurred - when gay women and men decided enough was enough and fought back against police harassment & raids that always ended in violence. On this night, they stood up and said, "no more!"

It started when one butch dyke, while being beaten, asked the crowd, "Why dont you guys do something?"

"A scuffle broke out when a woman in handcuffs was escorted from the door of the bar to the waiting police wagon several times. She escaped repeatedly and fought with four of the police, swearing and shouting, for about ten minutes. Described as "a typical New York butch" and "a dyke—stone butch", she had been hit on the head by an officer with a billy club for, as one witness claimed, complaining that her handcuffs were too tight. Bystanders recalled that the woman, whose identity remains unknown, sparked the crowd to fight when she looked at bystanders and shouted, "Why don't you guys do something?" After an officer picked her up and heaved her into the back of the wagon, the crowd became a mob and went "berserk": "It was at that moment that the scene became explosive"."

43 years ago today, a movement started .....

[Parker]

I have really great dogs. For the most part, they are very well behaved and follow my verbal and non-verbal commands without fuss, save for the occasional stubbornness of my 15yo girl, Harley who is a dominant old bitch and the stubbornness/confusion of my little old man, Max who lived on the street for so long, some of this is hard for him to grasp. But I rarely have a problem with the puppy or my big boy not listening to me.

If I say "bedroom," they head straight for the bedroom; if I say "outside," they head outside; if I tell the boys to get their toys or if I am outside and I simply point at a toy, they grab their toys, one by one, and bring them inside.

They sit, they lay, they eat nice, they are not food or toy aggressive. They sit before eating or before being let out of confinement without my saying a word - even a friend who dog sat while I was gone for a week noticed that; she didnt have to say a thing, they just sat and waited for her.

I dont train them to do tricks though - I used to think that was cool and I still think it is fun to watch a dog doing tricks, but these are my companions, not my circus animals, so the commands they follow are just to keep them from being all rowdy and stuff. :winky:

So I've been watching this dog training show on CBS called Dogs in the City and when I watch it and see the problems with these other dogs, I realize what a great pack I have - and the only thing I would change is how they flip the fuck out when someone knocks on the door &/or comes inside:

The old girl and the puppy both bark bloody murder; my big Boxer/Pit, all 80lbs of him, tries to jump on people to give them kisses; and my little old man, Max, runs into the back yard and barks at the people in the house, endlessly.

Unfortunately, whenever I watched Cesar, I never learned anything - the only thing he would tell us, ever, is that we have -HAVE- to walk our dogs all the damn time. Well, sorry brother, but I cant do that, what else you got?

Also, whenever he did any kind of training, he was either did a bunch of stuff off camera or he was just generally very vague about what he was doing - so you didnt learn anything, you just felt like you should buy all of his books and DVDs. lol

But this Justin dude on DitC - the "Dog Guru" - doesnt just show the people with dog problems what to do, he does it on camera so we ALL get to see what to do in these situations.

One day, I finally saw a situation close to mine where the people couldnt answer the damn door because their dogs were going ape shit - so I watched what Justin did and saw that it was something I could do by myself, inside and suddenly, I felt empowered - like I could fix this issue without hiring outside help!

So, today, we did our first of many training sessions. When training, Justin likes to use deli turkey vs. dog cookies; but I wanted something uniform instead of just tearing off clumps of meat, so I thought of getting a package of pepperoni, but didnt like the idea of feeding them those spices, so I got a small package of Canadian bacon that was about the size of silver dollars.

One of the things he pointed out was that a lot of dog owners try to teach or train from a negative perspective instead of a positive one. When he asked the woman what she wanted her dogs to do when someone knocked on the door, she said what I also said, out-loud to the tv (lol), "I want them to not bark."

He said that's a negative, think of something positive - what do you what them to do? She thought about it, as did I, and no answer was forthcoming, so he suggested to have the dogs sit on the opposite side of the room as the door, leaving the space for the door to be answered and people to walk inside. Made perfect sense to me, so I decided my dogs should go to or on the couch when someone knocks on the door.

So, I started out by getting them all to sit in front of or on the couch and gave them a piece of ham. Then I walked back several feet while telling them verbally and with hand gestures to "stay." They did, so I gave them all another piece. I did this several times, moving farther and farther back each time - and even turning my back to them - and each time, I came back to give them a piece of ham.

Then I moved all the way to the door and knocked. The older dogs stayed sitting and quiet but the puppy (Jack) got up, startled and boofed. I gave him the hand gesture and verbal command to sit and stay and he did, so more ham. I did that several more times, each time knocking longer and louder and each time they didnt bark and rush the door, I gave them a piece of ham.

The puppy didnt bark after that first time until the last time because I was pounding on the door and it freaked him a little, but both times I was able to calm him down quickly and he stayed put.

This was not a bad start at all! My goal is 2-fold: I would like them to automatically go to the couch and sit on or in front of it quietly when someone knocks on the door and I would like for them to recognize the command "couch" the same way they do the commands, "bedroom" and "outside," meaning, when I say "couch," I would like for them to go to the couch and sit quietly.

If I am consistent with this training, they will eventually get it and I think we will reach our goals - because, like I said, they are great dogs. :)


Zeke, my 10yo, 80lb Boxer/Pit (L) and Max, my 7-ish yo 18lb Taiwan alley dog (R):
https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/389937_10100460011310670_1084347202_n.jpg


Harley, my 15yo, 45lb hound dog (L) and Jack, my 2yo, 35lb Formosan (Taiwan) Mountain Dog (R):
https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/67522_852798178680_1340086_n.jpg

[Parker]

River

Standing on the riverbank
Snow falling all around me

Shadows floating overhead
Stealing the moon's bright light

I look into the darkness
Of the water

I see the reflection
Of the woman I once was

Now just a shell

Feeling the shadows recede
I look up at the full moon

Blinking the snow out of my eyes
Searching

Without hesitation
I look down into the water once more

I see the reflection
Of the woman I could be

Again

[Parker]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/217904_10100823164089590_1314019234_n.jpg


Born in February 1997, I met Harley about a month later at a pet store in CA - back before I knew any better about buying a dog vs. adopting a dog. She came home to live with me a month after that, when she was 8wks old.

Harley was with me through thick and thin, dozens of moves, a few girlfriends, the fostering of several other dogs, and the addition of 2 freaky little boys into our pack. Zeke came to us as a baby when Harley was 5 and she would not have any of this obnoxious little puppy who wouldnt stop trying to cuddle with her ... eventually, she gave in and accepted Zeke as her own - and last night, when Harley was laying on the floor in pain, they cuddled together again for one last time.

She became paralyzed from the waist down in 2007 - no one could figure out why or if it would be permanent, but a few months later I saw her tail wagging and a month or so after that, she was walking again - never 100%, her back legs and back gave her problems and she needed carpet or area rugs to move around, but she was my trooper .... I thought I was going to have to let her go then, but she came through it and was a happy girl for over 5 more years.

The cyst we discovered in her foot week before last became infected and while the antibiotics and anti-inflammatories helped a bit, the infection didnt seem to be getting better. She was in so much pain - which for her is saying a LOT because she has never really been affected by pain - that the tramadol, which, short of hospitalizing her and giving her morphine, was the best pain med she was going to get - and it wasnt even touching the pain.

The vet suspected that the cyst might have been malignant cancer that could be affecting the bone - which would have explained why she was in so much pain that the meds werent helping and why the infection wasnt passing.

My choices were: give these antibiotics and maybe some new ones a few more days to see if they could get the infection to dissipate, while leaving her in pain because there was nothing stronger to give her or let her go.

Watching her laying on the table, shaking from all of the pain, I decided to let her go.

I cant express my sorrow and guilt over this. She was my baby. I will miss her and love her forever.

[Parker]

I went on-line to order an urn plaque for my dog, Harley's urn and it came in the mail today (it came fast because they are here in WA). It's a little plaque for urns that cannot be engraved - it hangs on a 6" chain around the top of the urn and the chain was a bit too long, so I clipped it with a safety pin.

Anyway, it's engraved with:

Harley Bear
My Baby Girl - Always
1997 - 2012


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That's her collar at the base of the urn - it's a leather, studded Harley Davidson collar that I got for her when she was like 2 years old or something - it was so her because she was a tough old dominant bitch. :winky:

[Parker]

Had a nightmare last night that we had a bad earthquake here and I was trying to get through the rubble with my 3 boys - my little old man Max was in a backpack, my big boy Zeke was on a leash, and I was having a hard time with my puppy Jack because he is afraid of everything, including his leash. I woke up afraid that I had lost him, but he was laying on the bed next to me.


I Googled dream interpretations and found a site that said the following about earthquakes:

Earthquake

To dream of an earthquake suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights your insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. Is there something in your life that you feel at "fault" for?

If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges. If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer some sort of loss in your life. According to the bible, earthquakes symbolize God's anger and power.

[Parker]

This popped up on my Facebook this morning - I can only imagine the comments people left on Reddit when they saw this woman's picture .....

To me, she is inspiring & beautiful ......




https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/548747_471875542843428_2074435907_n.jpg

After going viral on Reddit’s ‘Funny’ section for being odd-looking with facial hair, the girl above gave the following graceful and fresh response:

“Hey, guys. This is Balpreet Kaur, the girl from the picture. I actually didn’t know about this until one of my friends told on facebook. If the OP wanted a picture, they could have just asked and I could have smiled :) However, I’m not embarrased or even humiliated by the attention [negative and positve] that this picture is getting because, it’s who I am.

Yes, I’m a baptized Sikh woman with facial hair. Yes, I realize that my gender is often confused and I look different than most women. However, baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body - it is a gift that has been given to us by the Divine Being [which is genderless, actually] and, must keep it intact as a submission to the divine will. Just as a child doesn’t reject the gift of his/her parents, Sikhs do not reject the body that has been given to us. By crying ‘mine, mine’ and changing this body-tool, we are essentially living in ego and creating a seperateness between ourselves and the divinity within us.

By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it? When I die, no one is going to remember what I looked like, heck, my kids will forget my voice, and slowly, all physical memory will fade away. However, my impact and legacy will remain: and, by not focusing on the physical beauty, I have time to cultivate those inner virtues and hopefully, focus my life on creating change and progress for this world in any way I can.

So, to me, my face isn’t important but the smile and the happiness that lie behind the face are. :-) So, if anyone sees me at OSU, please come up and say hello. I appreciate all of the comments here, both positive and less positive because I’ve gotten a better understanding of myself and others from this.

Also, the yoga pants are quite comfortable and the Better Together tshirt is actually from Interfaith Youth Core, an organization that focuses on storytelling and engagement between different faiths. :) I hope this explains everything a bit more, and I apologize for causing such confusion and uttering anything that hurt anyone.”

[Parker]

According to my food diary, I took in 2180 calories yesterday, which is on track for where I need to be if I want to lose weight (2000-2500 cals/day).

Keeping track of my calorie intake really makes me evaluate what I choose and dont choose at the store more closely. I am making different choices - getting salsa and tortilla chips instead of Ruffles sour cream and cheese chips ... skipping over the cookie mixes that are on sale for $1, etc.

I also went and got low fat chocolate milk for my Carnation Instant Breakfast packets instead of whole milk -- and if I'd been at a different store, I would have gotten fat free, but this store only had regular skim milk, not chocolate - but I bought that too so I could try it with the Carnation because it would knock 100 cals off of the mixture.

I also got some strawberries, raspberries, and bananas for smoothies - but I want to learn how to make veggie ones and try one or two of those as well -- I really dont like veggies, but maybe if I mix certain fruits AND veggies, maybe I can drink them.

I made a meal replacement smoothie just now: 1 cup low fat choco milk, 1 packet of the Carnation, 1/2 a banana, and 1/2 cup of strawberries - it yielded 15g of protein, but also 480 calories (mainly from the milk AND Carnation) -- but that is still less than eating 1/2 of a box of Kraft mac-n-cheese, which is 600 calories.

Oh and I think I figured out why I lost that weight over the past few months: popcorn.

I was eating popcorn instead of chips (already thinking about changes, even back then) and sometimes even instead of a meal, I would sit down with some popcorn -- I thought that stuff was very high in calories because I get the "movie butter" kind - but apparently, each bag is just 140 calories - and, like I said, I was sometimes replacing meals with that.

Also, I am not as hungry as I used to be - not able to eat as much - so I used to eat a whole box of Kraft mac-n-cheese (I am poor, so this was a staple in my life for years and years) as a meal and sometimes I even added something like sausage or hot dogs -- and the mac-n-cheese by itself is 1200 calories a box!

So, it will be slow, but I will continue with the food diary and count my calories and make different choices at the store and at home so that I can hopefully lose some weight.

I am also trying the green coffee extract on the advice of a friend, so we will see if that helps - I am taking 2 caps a day for a month and I'll see if it works or if it is just another fad "diet."

[Parker]

I made a really good smoothie this morning but it wasnt filling, so I am thinking that I need to eat an actual breakfast and save the smoothies for snacks later in the day.

The smoothie I had:

1 package of Carnation Instant Breakfast
1/4 cup of low fat chocolate milk
1/4 cup of skim milk
1/2 of a banana
------------------------------------------
= 242 calories
& 14g protein


Because it wasnt filling, I was tempted, like yesterday, to give in and eat some pasta and meat - but I decided to go to the store instead and get some egg substitutes, baby bella mushrooms, and Kraft American cheese. I was going to get the low fat cheese, but honestly, the difference in calories per slice of regular vs. low fat was minimal, which was surprising, but a nice surprise.


So my breakfast was an omelet with fruit on the side:

1 container egg substitute (equal to 2 eggs)
2 slices of cheese
1/4 cup of baby bella mushrooms
Sea salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste
with 1/4 cup of strawberries
1/4 of an apple on the side
------------------------------------------
= 238 calories
& 22.3g protein


I wont always count the protein, but I will at least keep protein in mind when choosing a breakfast and snacks.

Also, I dont know if the egg substitute was whole eggs, including the yoke or just egg whites - some said egg whites and some didnt. This was the store brand so it was cheaper, which was why I bought it because I didnt know if I would like it or not.

The more expensive (by over $1 for the same amount) stuff specifically said egg whites and had more calories than what I bought -- it had fewer calories per serving (25 vs. 30), but more servings in the containers (2.5 vs. 2) .... of course, I was also looking at protein and sodium - the 2 brands were pretty close in calories, protein, and sodium, so I may just keep buying the cheaper stuff.

Of course, breakfast is easy - it's the lunch, dinner, and snacks that can kick my ass because of the pasta or whatever; but I figure as long as I am eating a good, filling, and under 300 calorie breakfast, I am off to a good start. :winky:

[Parker]

I did really well yesterday - even though I was discouraged because my Wii Fit Plus says I have gained 2.5lbs - I ended the day with 1600 calories consumed.

I started with a smoothie at 0630, then an omelet (w/egg substitute, cheese and baby Bella mushrooms) at 0900, then a snack at 1200 of an apple, some chocolate milk, and 1/2 of a regular sized bag of M&Ms, then another snack at 1500 of a bag of popcorn, and at the last minute, I decided on another omelet with smoked sausage instead of pasta and smoked sausage for dinner at 1930 - I went to bed a few hours after that.

This morning I skipped the smoothie and just went straight to the omelet (w/egg substitute, cheese, baby Bella mushrooms, and green peppers) and 1/2 of an apple for breakfast. I may have a smoothie later as a snack.

I bought some DumDum suckers (20 calories each) because it helps me to not eat if I am chewing (sugarless) gum or sucking on a sucker -- I just need to be mindful of the calories and sugar in the suckers and not eat a ton of them back-to-back each day or it will defeat the purpose! lol

I have an appointment at the VA on Friday with the Endocrine docs - they handle all bariatric surgery consults - to discuss my weight and the possibility of bariatric surgery. I may bring in a copy of my food diary to show them what I have been doing to change my eating habits - but also, I will get to see what the VA scales have to say this week.

[Parker]

I was making out a holiday/Christmas/whatever list for my nieces and nephews - I have 10 nieces and nephews, a great niece, and a great nephew, but because I am poor, I lump the greats in with their mom and dad. lol

Anyway - I like the Kiva thing thedivahrrrself (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/member.php?u=3121) posted about (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5682) (microloans to people in 3rd world countries who are trying to provide for themselves and their families), so I decided I will do Kiva cards for 4 of my N/Ns and then adopt wolves from Wolf Haven Int'l (http://wolfhaven.org/) (<-- turn your volume down if you click that, they have a continuous recording of some of their wolves howling on the front page! :winky:) for 4 other N/Ns.

I have 2 nephews who are sons to my little brother - we have been estranged and not spoken for over 10 years and they just moved, so I dont have their address; but one of his sons is on my FB so if I can get their address, I will adopt a wolf for each of them as well. If I cant get their address, I may get an on-line gift card, like Amazon or something and email that to them through FB.


My nephew and niece-to-be should have gotten their wedding cake server and knife today - I so wish I could be there for the wedding, but at least this way, I can be there in spirit.

I would love to visit them all - especially my mom, who I havent seen since 1999 - for the holidays - maybe in 2013 .....

[Parker]

Today's gonna be a high calorie day I think -- I had a hard time sleeping last night and ended up waking up in the middle of the night and just staying up (the puppy is keeping me up - I am just not a cuddler! lol)

I ate a small bowl of left over pasta and I havent gone back to bed since then because I had an appt at the VA and just got back from that; and I have a phone appt at 2pm. Also, I grabbed a quick chicken sandwich at the VA and ate that on the way home - and that was not low cal. lol

So far, I am at 1765 for today - I may end up going to bed after my phone appt though so the day might be "over" for me in a few hours. Also, I have done really well, averaging just under 1700 cals/day over this past week (including today) so I am still on track I think. :)

I seem to really love the egg substitute omelets, but I usually get on something and eat the hell out of it for a while - I did that with tuna a few weeks ago and then salads a few weeks before that - so this may or may not last long. They make a good breakfast though, so I am trying not to burn myself out on them. :winky:

I dont understand how I can being keeping a diary and keeping trck of calories and trying to eat only a certain amount and still be gaining - that is frustrating. When I went to the VA today, they had me at 265 which is still good - their chart said I was 275 back in May, but it is 5lbs more than when I was there last week ..... ugh.

Whatever, I am just going to keep on going. They said I am a good candidate for their bariatric surgery because my BMI is 38 and I also have other stuff going on like the diabetes, High BF, high cholesterol, fatty liver, sleep apnea, etc .... listed out like that, I look like a friggin mess! lol

But they are still months away from their first candidates for surgery because they are still finalizing how they will work with the chosen outside hospital down in Tacoma, WA. She made it sound like I might be on the short list when it is time though - and she seemed optimistic. She also said I would be a better candidate for gastric bypass instead of lap band, so that's what I would get.

In the meantime, I will just keep making any small changes I can to eat better and I will continue with my Wii and Wii Fit Plus - they also gave me a pedometer so I can keep track of how much I walk each day - I am at like 1251 steps over the past 24hrs (1 mile = 2000-2400 steps), lol, so there's that!

[Parker]

I think I may have perfected my omelet - it took me a couple of tries! It is really filling because of the hash browns (stole that idea from a local diner) so I wont make it this way every time, but it turned out really good. :o)

In a small skillet, I mixed .5 cup of shredded potatoes - I use "Simply Potatoes" from the store (70 cal) with .25 cup of diced white mushrooms (4 cal), .5 TBS of diced green peppers (1 cal), and about a TBS of margarine (60 cal) and browned it all together on medium heat with some pepper, garlic powder, and sea salt.

Then when that was done, I added .5 cup of egg substitute (60 cal) in a separate skillet (I use an 8" skillet and it comes out great every time), also on medium heat and as that started to cook, I added 2 slices of Kraft American Cheese (120 cal) to half of the omelet; and when the cheese started to melt and the egg was close to being done, I spread the hash browns with the mushrooms and green pepper onto the whole omelet and let that sit for, what, like 20 seconds, then I flip the no-cheese side over onto the cheese side then let it sit again for about 20 seconds and moved it onto my plate - that's the pic you see there.

Total calories for omelet: 315

If I skip the hash browns, I usually add half of an apple on the side (the added hash browns make the omelet too filling for me to add the apple) which replaces the 130 cals of the potatoes and margarine with 26 cals for half of a medium sized apple, for a total of 211 calories.


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/420844_10100919660524960_901429453_n.jpg


I have been doing really well lately - making pretty good choices and watching what I buy and eat. I did break down last week and get a double Whopper with cheese, but a slip here and there is expected.

I hadnt done too badly that day though, so I was still within my 2000-2500 cals/day goal that the VA said I should shoot for. Compared to most other days though, when I average around 1800 cals/day, the 2200+ I took in that day felt like a bit much.

Maybe next time, I just get a Jr. instead. lol

[Parker]

So, small vine tomatoes only have 15 calories? What a nice addition to an omelet without adding a lot of calories. :o)

At some point, I will get tired of these omelets and I'll have to find other things to eat - but for now, this is what my body and taste buds crave the most, so I am having 1-2/day and other meals are other things like pasta, chicken, etc.

I had a slice of pepperoni pizza at yesterday's adoption event - such is the peril of being away from home all day - but while it was over 800 calories, I didnt eat much else that day: a couple of low cal snacks and an omelet for breakfast, so it worked out alright.

Today, I had some chicken drum sticks and potatoes, which was a huge meal as far as calories, but again, the other things I have eaten havent been many calories, so it evens out at the end of the day.

It's kinda difficult to pass up the sweets and treats when I am at the store and the not going out to get fast food because I dont feel like making something at home is hard - but it is easier than it used to be and also as long as I keep counting calories, I can remind myself of what that burger or piece of cake would cost me. lol

So far, the changes are working out - of course, I havent weighed myself in a week - maybe I should hop onto my Wii Fit Plus and get a weight and BMI test. lol :winky:

[Parker]

I hopped onto my Wii Fit Plus today to see where I was and I've lost 5lbs since last time (couple weeks). :)

This is a chart of the past month - so since mid-September. The weight gain was right before I decided to start my food diary and calorie count, which was September 28th - the red dot is me checking my weight and seeing the gain just as I started the food diary.

As you can see, I reached my goal - I dont remember what it was though lol. This time, I made my goal 4lbs in a month - but I cant remember if it's 1lb or 2lbs a week that is healthy and a good goal ... I can always change my goal or if I reach it quickly, I can make a different goal for next time, like 8lbs in a month or something.

The 28th is also when I started the green coffee extract, so that may or may not be a factor - I've been forgetting to take it 2x/day every day for the last week though - I took it 2x/d 7d/wk for about 10 days, then slacked off because I kept forgetting lol, mostly taking it once a day and then one day I missed both caps - so if anyone is considering taking it, I dont know if that is a contributing factor or not in the weight loss, to be perfectly honest.

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/23955_10100928788881660_1122551526_n.jpg

[Parker]

On October 25th, I hopped onto my Wii Fit Plus after noticing 3-4 days earlier that I dropped almost 2 lbs since the week before, but I stopped taking the green coffee extract by then (no side effect problems, just kept forgetting to take it and thought why not stop to see if the weight loss continues w/o it) AND I had that really bad 3100 calorie day filled with fast food ...

But when I checked, I saw that I lost another 4lbs and had broken through the 250 lbs barrier (247) - at least as far as my Wii Fit Plus is concerned, lol, I have to add about 10 lbs to guess the weight at which the VA scales would weigh me.

-----

This morning, I checked again and am up almost 2lbs from last week's check -- now that I am starting to tire of the filling and high protein but low cal omelets, it is getting harder to find inexpensive things that are easy and quick to make, that I like, and that are not high in calories.

I am still under 250 (on my WFP, so at the VA I am probably closer to 260), but *just barely* -- maybe I should start the green coffee extract again, since it seems to have helped ....

Yesterday, I wanted to get a breakfast sandwich from Jack in the Box (the ultimate, which is egg cheese, ham, bacon on a croissant) but I would usually eat 2 of those and they were over 400 calories each ... ! ... so I backed out of the drive thru and went home. lol

-----

This is so hard .... I really want a pizza. :(

[Parker]

I think my favorite time(s) of the day is just after the packs eats.

Before they eat, things are all hectic - and barky because Sally, the new pup hasnt learn all of her manners yet & she barks at me, demanding her food.

It also takes me a while to get them their meals ..... Jack gets anxious so he eats in here (the office) by himself, but Zeke waits with him while I get their meals ready; and Sally is locked in the bedroom because, again, she hasnt learned all of her manners yet, so she tries to eat everyone's food! Of course, the little old man is with me because he is (a) little, (b) old, and (c) disabled. :winky:

In the mornings, 2 of them eat kibble and 2 eat dehydrated food, which takes 5 minutes to dehydrate. Jack gets his Prozac, Sally and Zeke get tummy supplements, Sally gets fish oil because she has itchy skin, and they all get vitamins - Max's gets crushed up so he doesnt have to chew it. I also sometimes toss a little pumpkin into their food if I noticed them having poop issues.

In the evenings, Max eats dehydrated food again, but the other 3 get kibble. They all also get Brewer's Yeast and garlic supplements and coprophagia chews and Sally, again, gets some fish oil for her itchies.

So with everything that needs to be done, it's all kinda crazy getting them all their food.

But after they eat and everyone is set free out of their respective rooms, they all go from bowl to bowl sniffing and licking to make sure who ever ate out of that bowl got every last crumb. lol

It sounds silly, but it's such a cute moment - especially when more than one of them is trying to clean out the same bowl at the same time (usually Zeke and Sally - they are so alike, those 2) - so I guess it's just one of those little things that makes me stop and smile when I see them doing it - no one's fighting, barking, or acting crazy, they are just quietly eating their food and then cleaning out each other's bowls. :)

[Parker]

lol, this has kinda become more of a blog than a place to put my writing - but I havent been inspired to write much in a long long time, so I would just be recycling old stuff here and I dont want to do that.

That being said, here's another blog entry about my weight loss efforts. lol

-----

I got kinda tired of omelets because I was eating too many of them - like 2-3 a day - I got burned out! But today I felt like an omelet so I made my self one with cheese, mushrooms, orange pepper (thought I'd step away from the green for a minute), and tomatoes - and, of course, I paired it with half of an apple, but got Gala this time and it was such a juicy and sweet apple - so good! :)

Anyway, I had been slipping over the past week - instead of taking in an average of 1700 or so cals a day, I was taking in more like 2100 cals a day - which is still below my 2500 max, but above the 2000 I was trying to stick to or under in order to continue to lose weight.

Because I thought about it today and this might be too ambitious, but if I can continue on this path of 10 lbs a month, I would ht 200 lbs by my birthday ....

It would mean being more diligent about not slipping, but I might be able to do it -- unless these last 20 lbs were a fluke and I will either gain it all back over time or my losses will taper off to 2-3 lbs a month instead of 8-10. I guess we'll see by the end of Nov!

[Gemme]

Galas are good, but you should try a honeycrisp or a sweetie. Super juicy and yummy sweet. Totally worth the cost.

[Parker]

I'll look for those the next time I'm at the store - thanks. :)

[Parker]

Ju_9s1D86R8

My baby FMD, Sally loves when I say her name in a kind of sing-song way:

"SallyBear! SallyBear! Who's my SallyBear?" lol

Also in this vid:
Zeke, my 10yo Boxer/Pit - the red & white dog
Jack, my 3yo FMD - the black/white dog w/o big black splotches on his back
Max, my little old man, an alley dog from Taiwan who's about 8+yo - the little brown dog

[ScandalAndy]

I love your writing, this thread is great, it's like a little glimpse of Parker! Thanks for writing!

[Parker]

Just a little something I thought important enough to share. :)

Honoring Those Who Served: 11 Ways to Celebrate Veterans Day (http://www.veteransunited.com/network/honoring-those-who-served-11-ways-to-celebrate-veterans-day/)
Posted by Elisa Essner


Veterans Day is almost upon us.

It’s the one day set aside each November to honor those who have served and continue to serve our nation. The holiday also offers a great opportunity to teach civilians about the sacrifice service members and their families make year-round. How do you plan to celebrate this year? Here are some ideas for activities to try at home, school and work.

Civilians can find multiple ways to honor veterans in their lives and communities.
Before you get started, you might want to brush up with this brief history of the holiday (http://www.veteransunited.com/futurehomeowners/the-history-of-veterans-day/).

At home


Wear a red poppy (http://www.alaforveterans.org/what_we_do/mission_outreach_programs/Pages/Poppy.aspx) or yellow ribbon to show support for veteran and active duty service members.
Organize a care-package packing party. Check out these tips and ideas for putting together a great care package (http://www.veteransunited.com/spouse/tips-and-tricks-to-a-great-care-package/). If you don’t know someone currently stationed overseas, contact a nearby base or an organization like Blue Star Moms to identify troops in need.
Visit a veterans’ hospital. Chatting with elderly or injured veterans is a great way to brighten their day, plus you’re likely to hear some highly fascinating stories about their time in the service.
Get creative. Check out this article for some patriotic craft ideas (http://kidsparties.about.com/od/celebratingholidays/a/VeteransDay.htm). For young children, a fun project is a great way to start teaching about the holiday and its importance.


At school


Encourage your child’s teacher to develop a Veterans Day lesson plan. A timeline or short writing project is a great way for students to learn about the holiday’s history. This article offers a few other educational ideas (http://www.military.com/veterans-day/celebrate-veterans-day.html).
Invite a veteran — a parent, grandparent or faculty member, perhaps — to speak to students about what it’s like to be in the military. Don’t know any veterans to invite? Contact your local VA (http://www2.va.gov/directory/guide/home.asp?isflash=1); their Public Affairs Officer will likely be able to identify a good guest speaker. There are many veterans who work at VA facilities and would be happy to be to speak to students.


At work


Take time out of the day to acknowledge veterans in your workplace. Consider an office-wide coffee break featuring these remembrance poppy cookies (http://www.sweetsugarbelle.com/blog/2012/04/lets-smell-the-flowers-virtual-cookie-party-simple-poppy-cookies/) or a yellow ribbon cake. You just need your favorite cake mix, yellow frosting and a ribbon pan. During the event, make sure to recognize each veteran employee. (Plan ahead to make sure you don’t miss anyone.)


Find an event in your community


Want to find a local Veterans Day event? Many communities hold parades and vigils. Contact your local VA for more information.


Honor veterans year-round


Celebrate with service. Show service members your gratitude throughout the year with a home-cooked meal, thank you note or day of volunteering. Check out this post from HandsOnBlog for more specific ideas (http://handsonblog.org/2011/11/11/six-ways-to-celebrate-veterans-day-with-service/).
Support veteran-owned businesses (http://www.veteransunited.com/network/10-businesses-you-didnt-know-were-veteran-owned-businesses/). Websites like buyveteran.com (http://buyveteran.com/Search.aspx) can help you identify such businesses in your area.
Express thanks. Whenever you see someone in uniform, extend a simple word of gratitude or small act of kindness to show how much their service means to you.


Posted by Elisa Essner
elisa.essner@veteransunited.com

[Parker]

So I've been eating this Yoplait yogurt light with all of these dessert flavors .... they make a nice snack but also a pretty good dessert. :)

Red velvet cake = awesome
Boston cream pie = awesome
Apple turnover = awesome
Key lime pie = awesome
Banana cream pie = good
Strawberry shortcake = good
Orange creme = good
Raspberry cheesecake = good
Lemon cream pie = a little too tart

[Parker]

The Marsha Norman play 'Night, Mother was on my mind tonight ...

For those who dont know, 'Night, Mother is a play set in real time with no breaks - it is about a woman, Jesse (played my Sissy Spacek in the movie) who has lived with her mama, Thelma (played by Anne Bancroft) for years. She is disabled and cant work (epilepsy if I remember correctly) and she rarely, if ever, leaves the house.

Jesse decided to kill herself because her life is nothing and going nowhere. She isnt depressed or anything, she just feels that if this is all there is then she doesnt want to stay. The play is the 2 hours before she kills herself and she is spending that time getting the house in order, making lists, and mostly just explaining to her mama why she is doing what she is doing.

It has one of my favorite monologues in it - I actually pieced 2 into 1 to help that last paragraph, which is my favorite, make sense:


Mama, I only told you I was going to kill myself so I could explain it, so you wouldn't blame yourself, so you wouldn't feel bad. There wasn't anything you could say to change my mind. I didn't want you to save me. I just wanted you to know. Don't you see, Mama, everything I do winds up like this. How could I think you would understand? How could I think you would want a manicure? That we could hold hands for an hour and then I could go shoot myself? I'm sorry about tonight, Mama, but it's exactly why I'm doing it. I'm not giving up! This is the other thing I'm trying. And I'm sure there are some other things that might work, but might work isn't good enough any more. I need something that will work. This will work. That's why I picked it.

Mama, listen. I am not your child, I am what became of your child. I found an old baby picture of me. And it was somebody else, not me. It was somebody pink and fat who never heard of sick or lonely, somebody who cried and got fed, and reached up and got held and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, and slept whenever she wanted to, just by closing her eyes. Somebody who mainly just laid there and laughed at the colors waving around over her head and chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke up knowing some new trick nearly every day and rolled over and drooled on the sheet and felt your hand pulling my quilt back up over me.

That's who I started out and this is who is left. (There is no self-pity here) That's what this is about. It's somebody I lost, all right, it's my own self. Who I never was. Or who I tried to be and never got there. Somebody I waited for who never came. And never will. So, see, it doesn't much matter what else happens in the world or in this house, even. I'm what was worth waiting for and I didn't make it. Me...who might have made a difference to me...I'm not going to show up, so there's no reason to stay, except to keep you company, and that's...not reason enough because I'm not...very good company. (A pause) Am I? Just let me go, Mama, let me go easy.

Mama, I know you used to ride the bus. Riding the bus, and it's hot and bumpy and crowded and too noisy, and more than anything else in the world, you wanna get off. And the only reason in the world you don't get off is it's still fifty blocks from where you're going. Well, I can get off right now if I want to. Because even if I ride fifty more years and get off then, it's still the same place when I step down to it. Whenever I feel like it, I can get off. Whenever I've had enough, it's my stop. I've had enough.

[deb0670]

i understand about the name.. Deborah is mine too.. except when i was a kid i hated it. Anyone outside of my family call me that they wanted a fight on their hands. Now that i am older, i do not mind it, however, unlike You, when i introduce myself to anyone it is always, "Hiya i'm Debbie".
I have thought about changing my name many times... not cause of me being Butch( far from lol), but just cause every mom's aunt's cousin's neighbor is named Deborah, Debra or Debbie... ugh..
I applaud You for choosing a name(s) that fit You and help You be more "You".

Maybe one day i will have that courage.

[Parker]

So for Christmas, I got 4 of my nieces and nephews Kiva (http://www.kiva.org/) cards so they could create an account and find a person to whom they wanted to give a microloan. I thought that would be a nice gift for them so they could feel good about helping someone else to fulfill their dreams of taking care of themselves and their families.

I also went back to Wolf Haven Int'l (http://wolfhaven.org/) to adopt wolves for my other 6 nieces and nephews. Wolves hold a special place in my heart and they are endangered so the kids get to know that they are helping to care for and protect an endangered species - an animal for which I care very much.

I got the Kiva cards last month and was set to get the wolf adoptions this month (I couldnt afford to do it all in one month); and I cant believe how fast Wolf Haven Int'l sent me the wolf adoption photos and bios - I went online and did all of the wolf adoptions on Tuesday night and yesterday, a large envelope with all of the wolf pics, bios, and adoption info was dropped on my porch - so fast! :)

Now all I have to do is write out the cards to go with the wolf stuff, then I can drop it all in the mail to my parents in PA - I asked mom if they would be cool with handing my gifts out to the kids on Christmas or Christmas Eve or whenever their tradition is now. I feel badly that I cant be there - everyone is headed to PA for the holidays and I am the only family member who wont be there :( - but at least my gifts will be there on time and given to them by their grandparents.

[Parker]

I was watching a movie tonight where this woman took a crack on the head and suddenly, she could no longer recognize anyone's faces - every time she would see them again or close her eyes and re-open them or look away and look back, etc, the face would change.

In fact, in one scene, she was having sex with her bf and every time she closed her eyes and opened them again, he would be a different person. lol

This made me realize that I rely more on my ears than my eyes I have noticed that when it comes to the people I see on TV and movies and even with most of the people around me, I recognize their voices most of the time before I ever recognize their faces - which seems weird.

Even in this movie, the actors would change back and forth - sometimes we would see what she saw and sometimes we would see the original actor who played the character, but their voices were dubbed so they would always be of the original actors and that was how I was able to pick out the killer (this was a thriller); because he taunted her in the street and so later, when I heard that voice again, even though the face was different, I knew it was him. Turns out, I was right.

It's just so interesting how we identify the people around us; e.g., I am horrible with names - I mean, a person can tell me their name at a gathering and literally 30 seconds later, it's gone - out of my head - but I can usually recognize a face and place it with where I know them from: this theatre gig or that friend's party, etc.

I just never really thought about how much I rely on what I hear vs. what I see - it makes me wonder if it was something I developed over time - working with actors who can look completely different in their costumes vs. their street clothes or even from one gig to the next, coupled with the fact that my memory for names sucks so bad I wish people would wear name tags all the time lol - maybe my mind developed this way of identifying people's voices to help me recognize people.

It's crazy how the mind works, isnt it?



Oh, for those interested, the movie is called Faces in the Crowd (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1536410/), with Milla Jovovich and Julian McMahon. I didnt really like the ending too much, but it was still a really good flick, imo. An interesting (to me, at least) side note: this is the second movie I have seen her in with a guy from Charmed (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0158552/). lol

[nycfem]

I'm not very good at facial recognition. There are two great books, memoirs, about this phenomenon, both excellent, that I've read:

"You don't look like anyone I know" by Heather Sellers

and

"Mistaken Identity" by Van Ryn, Cerak, Tab

[Parker]

I found a couple of small pieces of lamb in the back of the freezer from when I last made the dogs raw food -- I also saw some Tilapia filet that had been in there for me, but for a very long time -- then tonight when I was getting stew at the store, I saw a pack of chicken tender filet for $5 so I bought that, kept back 3 pieces for 3 of my meals and took the rest of the chicken, along with the lamb and fish and put it all in the oven at about 275 degrees so I could make jerky-type treats out of it all for the pack.

I was going to use my food dehydrator, but I didnt want to make full-on jerky where I marinate it, add a bunch of salt, etc., and then let it sit in there for 6-10 hours.

Anyway - that's the fish up front (plus a couple of pieces in the back on the left), the lamb is in the middle-right, and the chicken is in the back. The guy I got this idea from did chicken tender filet cuts at 280 for 2 hours, so I set my oven at 275 and set the timer for an hour so I could check on it all then.

I am really curious to see how it turns out - and I figure even if it sucks, it's still fish, chicken, and lamb; and seriously, the dogs want that meat RIGHT NOW, lol, so if it turns out as I hope or not, it will still be good little treats for them. :)


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/46981_10101059442381000_1746124741_n.jpg

[Parker]

All this time, I thought there was something wrong with the VA scales because they always weigh me 10+ lbs more than my Wii Fit Plus at home ...

But this morning, I weight myself on the Wii and then I put on all my street clothes - the carpenter jeans, shirt, turtleneck, motorcycle boots, and all of the stuff I carry around on my belt of in my pockets and I weighed myself again ....

It was a 13 lb difference!

What. :blink:

At least now I know - the VA scales are the same as my Wii scale, it is just all of the crap I wear and carry around that is weighing me down! lol

-----

I started eating better in October and lost, of about 25-35 lbs, but then I hit a plateau and I havent lost a thing since Thanksgiving - I have in fact gained 4-5 lbs back. I guess I could chalk that up to the holidays, but it makes this whole "eating better" thing that much harder when the results arent there. It makes me want to go eat a tub of Butter Pecan Ice Cream. lol

I am still eating 1000-1500 calories less a day than I used to when I weighed and maintained 285 lbs and that is a good thing .... I miss some of the stuff I used to eat - but some of the other stuff actually sounds nasty to me now. lol

So I will keep going - but man, this is HARD! :(

[Parker]

Important stuff is important.

For example .....


Stop Catcalling Me (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/stop-catcalling-me/)

By Kendall Goodwin
~ Thought Catalog


Sometimes I get catcalled, and when I say sometimes, I mean pretty regularly. Maybe you’re reading that sentence and thinking “Poor girl, it must be soooo hard to be thought of as attractive and have men compliment you. Let me play a song for you on the world’s smallest violin.” That wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gotten that response: I’ve found that my male friends and acquaintances, even the ones I know would never catcall, are generally pretty forgiving toward men who do catcall, cavalierly waving it away as a compliment that’s simply in poor taste and tsk tsking me for being a humblebragger. But as they forgive I also forgive them, because if they truly understood what it feels like to be catcalled, they would not be so cavalier.

This lack of understanding seems to be a function of the simple reality that historically, humankind has not looked on male bodies and female bodies equally, and as a result, the way that men and women relate to their respective bodies is vastly different. I suspect it’s difficult for men to imagine a world in which their bodies have long been inextricably linked to their value as an individual, and that no matter how encouraging your parents were or how many positive female role models you had or how self-confident you feel, there is an ever-present pressure that creeps in from all sides, whispering in your ear that you are your body and your body defines you. A world where, from the time of pubescence on, you can feel the constant and palpable weight of the male gaze, and not just from your male peers but from teachers and sports coaches and the fathers of the children you baby-sit, people you’re supposed to respect and trust and look up to, and that first realization that you are being looked at in that way is the beginning of a self-consciousness that you will be unable to shake for the rest of your life. Even if they are never verbalized, the rules of bodily conduct for females become clear early on: when school administrators reprimand you for the inch of midriff that shows when you lift your hands straight in the air or youth group leaders tell you that the sight of your unintentional cleavage is what causes godly young men to fall, you learn that your body is dangerous and shameful and that it’s your responsibility to cloister it in a way that is acceptable to everyone else. You learn that your body is a topic of public debate that everyone is entitled to weigh in on, from a male classmate telling you that those jeans make your ass look huge to the male-dominated United States Congress dictating the parameters that rape must fall within to be considered legitimate. To be a woman, and to live life in a woman’s body, is to be held to a set of comically paradoxical standards that make you constantly second-guess yourself and jump through a million hoops in pursuit of an impossible perfection.

Now that a context has been established, imagine walking down the street, to the grocery store or to meet up with a friend, and hearing a car slowing down as it approaches you from behind. You’ve learned to be intuitive to the sounds that precede a catcall: a car decelerating, the sound that air makes as it passes through an open window at low speeds, and the split second of dead silence just before the whistle or whoop or “Damn, girl” or whatever other asinine sentence fragment gets hurtled at you. If you say nothing and keep your eyes on the ground, it’s over in less than a minute, at which point the car and the catcaller drive away and you continue on your way. Pretty innocuous, right?

To begin to understand why this scenario is the opposite of innocuous, one must understand the circumstances surrounding most instances of catcalling. A catcall is not like sexual harassment, an unwelcome encounter that happens in the privacy of an office between a male superior and female subordinate. Catcalls, by and large, come from strangers, and happen in public places that not only lend anonymity to the caller but also make it easy to keep the interaction fleeting. A catcall is something that always seems to happen in passing, whether it be men sticking their heads out of moving cars like dogs to shout at a woman, men calling at a woman as she walks past, or a man calling at a woman as he walks past. If you’re being sexually harassed at your job, you know exactly who the harassment is coming from, and you have the option to ask them to stop and even report them if they don’t, with a decent chance that your complaint will be taken seriously. Because of the inherently transient nature of catcalls, you are not given that same opportunity to air your grievances and draw the caller’s attention to the error of their ways. By the time you’re able to say, “Excuse me, sir, but the way that you’re objectifying me is offensive,” they’re already gone. And even if you could, sometimes you just don’t have it in you to instigate a losing battle when all you wanted was to walk to the grocery store in peace. If you acknowledge your catcaller by speaking to them or engaging them in any way, you’re egging them on and inviting them to continue talking to you and offending you. If you acknowledge them with eye contact, even if no words accompany it, it can be seen as condoning and encouraging. Even for the most outspoken women, catcalls engender a forced passivity that leaves them with no effective means of counteraction except to fix their eyes on the ground and ignore the caller until they’re left alone, which counteracts nothing and leaves women feeling frustrated and silenced. It’s a lose-lose no matter which way you slice it.

When a woman realizes that there is nothing she can do after the fact to correct this wrong done to her, she, as women have been socialized to do, starts analyzing herself and tries to figure out what it is that she’s doing that attracts this unwanted attention, so that she can alter her appearance or her behavior and prevent it from continuing to happen. Maybe if I stop wearing dresses? she will ask herself. Or if I move out of the city? Or maybe if I shave my head, I’ll stop being catcalled? This is futile, of course, because catcalls happen regardless of the lengths women go to in order to avoid them and regardless of circumstantial details. I’ve been catcalled as a blonde and as a brunette, with long hair and short hair, in the city and in the country, while wearing dresses and while wearing baggy pants, when I was fifteen pounds heavier and fifteen pounds lighter than I am now, made-up and makeup-less, in the presence of friends (both male and female) and by myself, in the daytime and at night, and while running on the side of the road, my face beet-red and my entire body covered in sweat. This is no humblebrag; this is an embarrassing and maddening reality for women. None of these variables provides immunity from catcalls, and yet, socially, the onus is on women to do whatever is necessary to avoid being catcalled instead of on men to stop catcalling. Again, it’s a lose-lose.

Furthermore, it’s deeply upsetting that women are made to feel guilty or ungrateful for not accepting catcalls as compliments. I can’t speak for all women everywhere, and I would never condescend to my sex by claiming to know the experiences of women whose reality is foreign to me, but based on my own experience and the experiences of my female friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances, I think I can safely assert that most women don’t feel like they’re being complimented when they’re catcalled. It’s not the sort of thing that you excitedly recall to your girlfriends, or call your mom about, or secretly hope happens again because it made you feel beautiful. It’s more akin to what I imagine animals at the zoo feel like when humans poke their fat fingers against the glass or make crude animal sounds to try to get their attention and encourage them to do something interesting. There is a reason it’s referred to as a catcall and not a humancall: when you’re catcalled, there’s no consideration of your distinct personhood or even of your humanity because you’re being appraised as an object, a body without a person inside of it.

When you want to compliment someone, you approach them as an individual because the point is to make them feel good about being the individual that they are, right? If this is true, then the one-size-fits-all catcall really has nothing to do with being complimentary, and seems to be more about asserting power. When you’re catcalled, you’re caught in a moment of vulnerability: one minute you’re just walking down the street and in complete control of your own life, and the next you’re verbally ambushed by a stranger who forcefully inserts themselves into your life to declare their opinion of your body as if it were definitive, and that feeling of control is gone as quickly as the catcaller. Women are closer than they’ve ever been to living as equals with men in every sphere of life, but when it comes to our bodies, it is still shockingly easy for men to make us feel subjugated, to “put us in our place.” When women are treated as if their bodies don’t serve a functional purpose and are simply on display for the enjoyment and valuation of male eyes, it doesn’t matter how much money you make or what advanced degree you’ve earned or how great a sense of self-worth you hold: you feel powerless. Powerless to prevent it, powerless to counteract it, powerless to transcend your own physiology.

I don’t believe that the majority of men who catcall intend to make women feel this way, but because catcalls have been part of our social landscape for, like, ever, the inheritance of values that condone catcalling and view them as harmless and complimentary continues. We as a culture are in need of a serious re-education on the subject of holistic gender equality and the gravity of catcalling, but that re-education may be a long time coming so here is the Cliff Notes version: Catcalls are not compliments. Catcalls are offensive, and, frankly, obnoxious. Men, women do not appreciate or enjoy being catcalled, and catcalling will do nothing to endear you to the woman you fancy. If your intent is to compliment, there are plenty of ways to do so that aren’t offensive and don’t incorporate a whoop or a whistle… be creative. And most importantly, when in doubt, keep it to yourself.

[Parker]

My Zekie (80 lb Boxer/Pit) is so precious ..... I tried to take his pic so I could share what he did and he refused to look at me, just kept doing the avoidance submission thing that he does. lol

But picture this big man making noises like Chewbacca and wagging his tail like mad - he was playing with Sally (20 lb FMD) and he opened his mouth and put her mouth into his - he could have almost fit her whole head in there lol. He did this twice in the office this morning and it was the cutest thing - as if he was telling her to be quiet. lol

Zeke is in the middle there, surrounded by the rest of the pack: Jack (L) and Sally (R) and little old man, Max even made an appearance (top) - they all love their Zeke. :)


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/270853_10101068079427290_1233395380_n.jpg

[Parker]

I just made my own laundry soap (http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/08/make-a-years-worth-of-laundry-soap.html) using a recipe that is supposed to provide enough soap for a year's worth of laundry for a family of 4:

3 Bars of Fels Naptha laundry soap ($.97 ea at Wal-Mart)
1 Box of Borax (76 oz for $3.38 at WM)
1 Box of Washing Soda (55 oz for $3.24 at WM)
1-2 Bottles of Purex Fabric Softener Crystals (I used 2 - 28 oz - for $4.76 at WM)
2 Cups of Baking Soda (I am not seeing this on my rec't, so apparently I got this for free - oops - but the big 4 lb box I got from the laundry section of WM - was something like $3.50 I think)

Note #1: I left off the Oxy-Clean that the recipe called for, which was 2 tubs (3 lbs each) because they were something like $8 each and so many people in the comments of this blog said they left the Oxy off, so I skipped it. I figured I could always add it later if I so choose (again, according to the comments in this blog, the dollar store has the tubs for $4 ea, cutting the cost of it in half). Leaving out that 6 lbs of ingredients will undoubtedly shorten how long this will last; but for just me, it should still last a while.

Note #2: I didnt realize the Purex was fabric softener - the bottles just say "laundry enhancer" - so I probably could have gotten something else (like Durex) cheaper. Now I know & will check other products if/when I make this again. :winky: FYI, the cost of the Purex also depends on the fragrance you get - I wanted the lavender, but it was twice as much as this tropical splash.

Note #3: Back to the comments, several people left off the Purex and Baking Soda as well and just used the Fels Naptha, Washing Soap, and Borax in an effort to keep their laundry as chemical free as possible. I chose to add the Purex because (a) I dont like how the Fels Naptha smells and (b) I like the idea of adding the fabric softener.

-----

Enough with the notes, let's move on!

The Fels Naptha needs to be grated. I have a small (small as in hand-held small) food processor and I used that - it took a while because I could only run 1/4 of a bar at a time in it and I added Borax to it so the soap wouldnt get all sticky and clumpy on the blades. But as long as it took, it wasnt nearly as long as it would have been if grating by hand!

After the Fels Naptha was grated up nice and pretty much a powder, I poured it into a clean trash bag with the rest of the box of Borax, the box of Washing Soap, the 2 bottles of Purex, and the 2 cups of Backing Soda.

I rolled the bag around and shook it like shake-n-bake until all the ingredients were thoroughly mixed together and then I poured it into these 2 square plastic jars (1 gal ea for $2.97 ea at WM) - and I will re-use the garbage bag in my laundry room.

The idea is to use 2 TBSP per load - some of the people mentioned that they used 1/4 cup (4 TBSP) per load - some people said they could only use it in warm water - others said they had no problems with it dissolving in cold water - and people with high efficiency front loading machines said this worked just fine in those -- so ymmv. I'll probably start off with 2-3 TBSP and my usual cold water and see how that works and then change things up if necessary.

What you see pictured here is the final product.


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/73702_10101084561387310_1585578575_n.jpg


I decided to try this instead of the homemade liquid soap (http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/02/no-grate-homemade-laundry-soap.html) because this was one huge batch that would last a long time, while the liquid soap is easy, yes, but made a gallon at a time. Here's the recipe for that:


3 Tablespoons Borax
3 Tablespoons Washing Soda
2 Tablespoons Dawn Dish soap

Put these ingredients in a one gallon jug. Pour 4 cups boiling water into the jug. Swirl until ingredients are dissolved in the liquid. Let liquid cool. Then fill almost to the top with cold water. The bubbles will overflow out of the bottle.
I love this because you can pick an awesome scent with the Dawn dish soap. This dish soap works the best because it gets grease out. :)

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Btw, this is all from the "Homemade Solution (http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/category/homemade-solution)" section of the One Good Thing by Jillee (http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/) blog. In it, you can also find other stuff like how to make your own fabric softener crystals, mouthwash, antihistamine, moisturizer, hand sanitizer, etc.

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eta: if you are prone to allergies - or even if you are not and just want to be all safe as houses - I would recommend wearing a mask while grating and mixing all of this powder. Most, if not all of it says harmful if swallowed, if prolonged skin contact, if in eyes, etc and I inadvertantly breathed some of it in while I was mixing and even after using my neti pot, I have one helluva headache from it. So, yeah - masks. lol :winky:

[Parker]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/73702_10101084561387310_1585578575_n.jpg

I am totally digging on this laundry soap that I made ... I am having no problem with it dissolving in cold water, my clothes are clean and SUPER soft, and they smell really nice -- nice as in, I-hung-them-on-the-line-outside-in-the-sun-on-a-warm-spring-day nice. lol :winky:

[Parker]

As most of the people in my irl world know, I wanted to move back to my home state of IL at the end of May 2013 when my lease was up. I am a disabled vet collecting VA benefits and to supplement that, I decided to *finally* do what everyone kept telling me to do for a few years - file for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).

So in August 2011, I filed and of course, was promptly denied just like the other, what 75% of the people who apply. Then I appealed, which basically just means they look at it again and say no, again. lol

Then it went to a judge (ALJ hearing) -- this is where I got kinda screwed because most ALJs' approval rates are around 55%, but the judge I got is around 25% ... so of course, he denied me again; and let me tell you, his upteen page decision just basically said I was faking, which sucked all the air out of my balloon man.

He not only said he wasnt going to take the VA's decision into consideration (which he cannot do), he said he thought they came to the wrong conclusion and should not have approved me for disability or labeled me as unemployable.

Ouch.

Anyway, because he did that and also didnt want to hear what my doctor at the VA said, my lawyers think we have good grounds for appeal and that's where I am at now - it can take 6-18 months (the average is just under a year) for them to come to a decision: overturn the judge's decision and grant me SSDI, remand me back to the judge so he can decide again, deny me once and for all (only other thing to do at that point is to file in Federal court), or dismiss my claim, which would mean I was done.

My hope, of course, was that I was going to get a favorable decision from the judge so that I could use part of the back pay for SSDI to fund my move back to IL.

I picked IL because (a) I had to pick someplace lol and when I visited my sister October 2011, I remembered how much I liked living in the Midwest, (b) I am sincerely tired of the PNW - lovely place, but the traffic and people - ugh, (c) my sister is there, it's a small town, etc etc etc, and (d) the cost of living (especially housing) is significantly lower than here.

BUT, unfortunately, right before Thanksgiving, I got the letter from the judge that said "ur faking dont come back haha" - I am paraphrasing, of course.

I thought that since my case is in appeals and could be there for over another year that I had to put my move off - because right after that denial letter, I decided fuck the SSA, i will save whatever morsels of cash i can and move my damn self - I can sleep in my truck for the 3 day trip, leave most of my stuff behind, and sleep in my truck when in IL as I look at a few places to live.

Finally, I asked the lawyers if I could move or if I should stay while this thing plays out .... not only did they say I could move, they said if the appeals council remands my case back to the ALJ, the hearing can be in IL, which will be better because I wont be in front of that craptastic judge who shot my ass out of the water the first time; plus, the SSA will pay for my lawyers to fly out to IL for the hearing so they can continue handling my case and I dont have to get new lawyers.

So my move is BACK ON!

I am thinking of staying here a few months after my lease is up (like maybe until the end of July or August) so I can save a little extra money for a hotel for a few days while looking for a place to live in IL -- but I may just show up on my sister's doorstep, talking about, SURPRISE, where's my bed? lol who knows.

I also have to buy a trailer for my stuff (no furniture, bed, etc, just totes, etc of "stuff") because (a) I cannot afford a truck with a carrier for my SUV and (b) UHaul wont rent trailers to Ford Explorers - something about being sued for liability when there were rollovers or something.

So I am spending as little money as possible and saving as much as I can so I can (a) get a trailer, (b) pay for 2100 miles of gas, (c) pay for a few days worth of food, (d) pay for move-in costs, and possible (e) pay for a hotel while I look at places to rent.

I am also considering buying a home since I have a VA home loan certificate, but that is a lot further down the line and I really like renting - sure, it isnt my home and I have to play by someone else's rules, but I dont have to pay for things that break down, etc. :winky:


Of course, I would win the Mega Millions tomorrow night and this will all become moot ... :sunglass:

[Parker]

Yesterday morning weigh-in = 236 lbs ... that put me at exactly 101 lbs over my "before age 25" weight (high school/college/Navy) ... I was 135 lbs up until about age 25-26 - which, I agree, was entirely too skinny for me, but I kinda miss being a 29 waist. lol :winky:

I hope I can keep this up and get down to 200 lbs ... or even 175 lbs ... man, 175 lbs would be awesome! :)

This kinda makes me want to do that walking for 5-10 mins/day, 3x/wk thing I was supposed to be doing. lol :winky:

[Parker]

I was in my storage room, which is the garage that was converted into an insulated room with the washer, dryer, and electric water heater - the previous tenants had the cable hooked up in there and used it as an office, so my landlady still calls it that and gets confused when I call it storage and this second bedroom the office - after 4 years, you'd think she'd be used to it, but no. lol

Anyway, I digress - I was in the storage room emptying out these 3 plastic 3-drawer units I am giving away and I started to panic because I looked up and saw my gardening tools, which made me think of all of the lawn care stuff, kerosene, propane, kerosene heater, a/c units, etc etc etc out in the shed that I have to have taken down before I leave because it is damaged and I dont want to leave it for the next tenant.

I say started to panic because I have lived here for a long while (for me) and originally, I planned to never leave - so I have a lot of "stuff" tucked here and there and I am leaving in 3 months!

I know I can do it - I mean, it is 3 months and I dont have a job, so I can literally sit here all day everyday cleaning, packing, taking things to Goodwill, etc.

But for a moment there, I just felt so overwhelmed, like it wasnt going to get done and I was making a mistake ..... I ended up so wired, I stayed up a few hours longer than I meant to and then crashed - and hard.

Tonight, I got up and went through all of my candles, candle holders, nick knacks, knives, etc, packing what I wanted to keep, tossing what was no good, and putting the stuff for Goodwill into a box.

I am taking a quick break and then I am going to do the same with all of the stuff hanging on my walls - I have a couple of paintings I did a long long time ago that will probably go to Goodwill (unless I just remove the frame backings off of the canvases and roll them up) because I have extra pictures here that I didnt have before and I dont want to take up too many totes for hanged pics, portraits, and paintings.

Once I do that, I will feel better -- and then once it gets closer to my move and I give away the lawn mower and take down the shed, I will feel even better.

Of course, first things first - I have 2 trailers I am looking at getting: one is a 5'x8' fully enclosed cargo trailer that is made to look like a little house ... might be a little silly looking driving down the road, but it is fairly new and in great shape. The other is a mini travel trailer that has been gutted and used as an enclosed cargo trailer that, most recently, hauled a Harley across the country. It is a little worse for the wear, needs to be scrubbed down, and possibly repainted, but as long as the inside isnt covered in mold, moss, &/or mildew, it wouldnt be a bad choice.

I am hoping to purchase one of these by the weekend so that will be one less MAJOR thing to worry about because I will know how big of a trailer I will have and can better plan what I can and cannot take with me.

I have done this many many many (to the tune of over 15 times in the last 25 years) times, so I know it will all get done, one way or the other ... and to be honest, I feel like making the decision and moving this quickly is a good thing - I have less time to think, question myself freak out, and a lot less time to lollygag about packing!

Speaking of lollygagging, I am hungry and thinking I should make myself a couple of eggs before tackling all of the stuff on the walls. :winky:

[Parker]

While I was going through the stuff in my "what's hanging on my wall" tote that never made it to my walls, I found an autographed headshot of some singer dude named Lucas Prata.

I was going to say, I dont know why I kept it - I'm not an autograph keeping kind of gal, but honestly, I think I kept it because it is a nice memento of a fun time of my life.

I was living in Tulsa, OK so this must have been circa 2001-02 and I was a part of this radio station's contest to find a new producer. I thought that would be a cool job and a stepping stone to a possible career so I entered and ended up being 1 of 3 finalists.

It was like a radio reality show where we competed in different things and gained points with each one that we won.

One of the things we had to do was find this dude, Lucas Prata, who was on tour and in Tulsa for an upcoming concert. We were supposed to use whatever means necessary to find and contact him at his hotel and I knew a guy who knew a guy who knew .... you get the idea. Anyway, I found the dude within a few hours, shocking the hell out of everyone.

Then at the event the station was having for him, he was signing headshots and he asked me if I wanted one - he's a performer, what was I going to do say, "um, no, I dont even know who the hell you are" lol, I can be blunt and forthright, but that would just be rude! :winky:

So he breaks out his headshot and signs it - this was before my name change btw:

To Deborah,

I guess I could never hide from you if I tried. Thanks so much for your support.

Love,
Lucas Prata


Oh yeah, I lost the contest, so I did not go into radio and instead moved back to IL to get my BS in Theatre Management at ISU. lol

[Parker]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/602223_10101133665582110_173049997_n.jpg


My big boy, Zeke (that's not him pictured, just something I saw on FB that made me want to post about my furbabies) LOVES broccoli!

Jack wants it when he sees me giving it to Zeke but I swear, he doesnt even close his mouth around it when I give it to him, he just dips his head down and lets it fall onto the floor. lol

Sally will eat it, but only because she sees the other dogs' interest in it and she doesnt want them to have it ... she is a sweetie to me, but she is kind of a bitch to the boys - but then again, Harley was too. lol

I read something once about how female dogs never quite fit into the hierarchy of a pack the way that boys do (dominant vs. submissive) because everything and every place is *theirs*. After having had both boys and girls living together, I can kinda see that. lol

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Also, I went to Petsmart the other day to use a gift card my parents gave me for Christmas to buy a tie-out to use on my trip and also to replace a leash I lost so I would be back up to 3 leashes. It worked out well - I only had to pay like $2 and change for the two items.

Then today as I was gathering up all of the various backpacks and duffle bags I have around the house, I found a backpack I hadnt used since Salty Dog Rescue's last adoption event in mid-October, when I brought Sally with me; and wouldnt you know it, I found the 3rd leash that I thought I lost!

So I took the other leash back to Petsmart and exchanged it for the same kind of no-slip, "escape-proof" collar that the Taiwan twins have for Zeke so they would all have that same "escape-proof" collar for when I take them out on the road. I only had to shell out $1 and change for that - so thanks to mom and dad, I got a collar and a tie-out for less than $4. :winky:

[Parker]

Just got back from my eye exam at the VA - my eyes are all dilated (they dilate diabetics' eyes to check our retinas for damage due to our diabetes - mine show no damage, so I'm not going blind, which is pretty awesome). lol I cant read this post, I hope it makes sense! I see black letters on a white screen, but there is like a halo effect and it is all blurry! :blink:

I can see large things and far away things, but I couldnt text or read the price on the clip-on sunglasses at the canteen when I was ordering glasses - which are slightly different from the silver frames I have now - they are gold-ish and a little feminine, but not flowery or anything, they just had some sort of swirly lines or leaves or something on the frame - and they are lighter than these silver ones, which I also got at the VA 2 yrs ago.

So 3 weeks from now, I should receive my bifocals in the mail. I have needed bifocals for a long time now, I just didnt realize that taking off my glasses to read stuff meant I should have bifocals. lol

It was really irritating when I would watch TV while doing something else like writing out cards or sewing something or whatever - I either had to have my glasses off to do the close-up work and not see the TV clearly and just listen or I had to have my glasses on to see the TV which would make the close-up work blurry ... I usually did the former.

Anyway, I got lined bifocals because she said no-line are a bit to get used to, especially if you spend a lot of time on a computer. Something about having to look at just the right spot because there is no line ... I dont know, I stopped listening because I was still trying to deal with that fact that I need bifocals. lol

But the best part of my day was the clip-on sunglasses. Anyone who wears those knows they cost anywhere from $15-20 depending on where you get them (they are $20 at the local store here and $15 at Wal-Mart, I think) and they were only $5.50 at the VA's canteen (little retail store)! So I got 2 of them because I am a dropper and a forgetter and I usually need 2 of things like that because the first one will inevitably end up lost or broken. :winky:

[Parker]

I bought a trailer for my move last week. I cant rent one from UHaul because they wont rent trailers to Ford Explorers (a fact I didnt know when I sold my old Ranger and bought the newer Explorer), so I decided to buy one and have been combing through Craigslist ads for months.

I really wanted an enclosed trailer because (a) it would hold a bit more than an open trailer, (b) then I wouldnt have to worry about strapping down a tarp over my stuff, and (c) I could lock the trailer with my stuff in it; but I didnt think I'd be able to find an enclosed trailer for the same cost as a regular trailer with short or no sides and not enclosed at all.

Then I found this couple up north of me selling this cargo trailer that was built to look like a little house, complete with chimney. lol

I balked at first because I thought I would need full size tires to haul my stuff 2100 miles and this one had either 8" or 12" tires (couldnt tell from the pics), but it was only $400 and it was enclosed, so I drove up to see it last week and decided to get it.

It's a little smaller than I would have liked - the ad said 5'x8' but I think they meant the outside because the inside dimensions are 3'8" W x 7'6" L x 3'9" tall, but a little extra space up top in the middle where the "roof" peaks.

This meant I couldnt take *any* furniture, not even my bed or my recliner, but to be honest, most of the rest of the non-enclosed trailers I was looking at were not big enough for my bed and chair either, so I was prepared for that.

So because of its size and weight restrictions, I have been going through all of the major amounts of "stuff" I have collected over the past 7 years and I am whittling down the most important 25% of my stuff that is going to come with me while dealing with selling, giving away, and throwing away the other 75% over the next 3 months.

This triage process is hard for me because some of the stuff that I probably wont be able to take with me is stuff (candle holders nick knacks, etc) that I have had for years -- on the one hand, some of these things are old and could do to be replaced but on the other hand, some of these things are old and cannot BE replaced - I am talking things I got 10-15 years ago in other states and in stores that do not even exist anymore.

But it is also a little cathartic to take a box or bag of stuff to Goodwill and say goodbye to that part of my life ... I will be starting over fresh in IL.

Anyway, pics of the trailer are below (the folding chair in the pics are for a size reference) -- if you happen to live near the I-90 in WA, ID, MT, WY, SD, or MN, or if you live in IA (maybe Des Moines, but most likely Waterloo - duh!) or IL and it's the last week of May and you see a white Ford Explorer carrying a butch dyke and 3 dogs while hauling a little red house behind it, wave because that's me! :winky:


https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/379318_10101129490384240_212383004_n.jpg
(a "shingle" is missing and I really want to replace it because it bugs my OCD seeing that little blank space lol)


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/539456_10101129490404200_1824004365_n.jpg
(the back door doubles as a ramp)

[Gemme]

That is very cute and definitely a conversation piece, Parker! Besides, you can always sell it yourself once you've settled nicely in IL.

If you can't find a matching shingle, spray paint the spot. That would bug me too, so I get it.

[Parker]

Ugh ... the woman from the rescue - the one who shorted me when she reimbursed me and then got mad that I wanted the $7+ she shorted me (but never gave it to me even though she said she would) was a complete bitch to me when I dropped Max off this morning at the adoption event (from which I am not picking him up - that was me giving him back to them for good).

I walk in there with Max in one arm, clinging to my neck like a baby, while also holding his bag of stuff in that hand (I even provided them with enough dehydrated food to last Max through the end of the month) and I had Sally on a leash in my other hand.

Amy just looks at me and walks away - she wouldnt help me or talk to me - didnt even thank me for the container of food. In short, she acted like a damn child.

It's just so awesome when someone screws me over and treats me like crap and then gets mad at me like it was my fault they are such a bitch.

But it's done now - I blocked her on FB the instant I got home and now that they have Maxie back, I dont ever have to deal with her or that rescue ever again.

Like I said before, I feel really guilty doing it this way, but honestly, unless Max is at her house and she is having to take care of him, she would never find him a home and he was just way too stressed out living here with Sally plus the other 2 and the trip back to IL probably would have sent him right over the edge, poor baby.

I'll just morn the loss of the little old man who was with me for over 2 years, cry a bit, and wish him the best in life because he really deserves to be in a home that is right for him and this just wasnt it.

Bye Maxie ... :(

[Parker]

Aside from getting something to sleep on in the SUV, I am also currently shopping for portable DVD players (9") to use while I am unwinding from my drive and about to sleep while on my trip - and also during downtime when I get to IL, while staying in my truck before I find a place to stay.

So far, I am leaning toward a refurbished Phillips that I found at Wal-Mart for just over $80 after taxes. There was a cheaper one with a brand name I didnt recognize, but it didnt include a car charger and, obviously, I will need a car charger. lol

I had originally put that and a mattress topper to sleep on into my move budget, so that's where that's coming from - but I also have other "trip" stuff like an electric travel blanket, a car MP3 player, a trailer jack, a box for my TV, batteries, couple of duffle bags, trailer lights, etc - stuff that wasnt budgeted for but that I thought about later as I thought about what I would need while traveling - so I am going to get 1-2 of those items each week until I leave. :winky:

I was all set to get a 3.5" Beautyrest mattress topper tonight when the friend of mine who is coming to pick up food, furniture, etc offered to get me a Coleman inflatable mattress built to be in the back of an SUV and an air pump that plugs into the lighter socket. I need to call Coleman first to see if it will carry my weight plus that of my dogs for several nights sleep without losing air ... every ad for it says, "features Coleman's Airtight System, guaranteed not to leak" but you know, when you have 400# of person and dogs on it every night for at least 3 nights of travel and then however many nights it takes me to find a place to live, you never know!

Either way, it was very sweet of her to make the offer. :)

[Parker]

So, way back in 2001, I started working security for a construction company outside of Tulsa, OK. Matrix Services, Inc built these gigantic metal oil storage drums in Cushing, about an hour outside of Tulsa and right after 9-11, they started getting threats, suspicious people hanging around, cars driving by, etc so they erected a fence, build an 8' x 8' shack at the gate, which was about 100 yards away from the site and hired me to be the gatekeeper. lol

Along with my own generator and port-a-potty, they also gave me my own hardhat for when I had to go to the site (complete with a little piece added to cover my neck and ears when it got gold) and I got this jacket - a lined Carhartt jacket with the Matrix logo on the front.

This was back when I was about 200 lbs and once I gained too much weight to wear it, it went to the back of the closet to live - I didnt want to sell it, I wanted to fit into it again some day ....


And that day is here :)

Actually, that day came and went weeks ago, once I hit and stayed around the 340 mark, but I wanted to clean it before wearing it, just in case a critter with 6-8 legs decided to make it their home. lol

but this pic is from tonight - I dont know what size it is, but I am guessing it is an XL ... and while it is a bit snug up front (thanks to my big belly and huge ta-tas), it zips up with no problems. :)

I was gonna take a pic of my hard hat too, but (a) who cares about a hard hat, really and (b) it is packed up along with my old Navy flight deck helmet and other stuff in one of my totes.


https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/6698_10101160207402090_190473127_n.jpg

[Parker]

Ok, since the missing hard hat pic was disappointing, here it is -- the left pic is with the piece that zips on and wraps around your head to cover your ears and neck and buttons in the front (like a little neck sweater lol) and the right pic is without it.


https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/31437_10101160287586400_780162052_n.jpg


ps - Jack did not like me walking around with a hard hat on ... he didnt know what the hell it was or what was going on, but he did not like it one little bit! He dropped low to the ground and backed away from me, his eyes never leaving the hat. lol, poor little scaredy-dog.

[Parker]

This morning when I was weighing myself for my morning VA Move! call, I noticed that I am remaining steady at 240 these past few days - usually I bounce up to 243 then hit 240 then drop to 236 then back up to 240 and so on. Anyway, I was thinking that I may have hit a plateau and each time I weigh myself and I am still at or around 240, I say out loud to myself that it's better to maintain than to gain.

Then it kind of hit me after I did that post about the jacket and I weighed myself this morning - I dont just weigh less now then I did at my heaviest (which the VA has down as 285 but now that I know that my boots, clothing, stuff I carry, etc is 10+ lbs, that was probably always a little closer to 275), I weigh less than I did when I first moved here 7 years ago (which was 265 - a weight I maintained for almost 5 years).

I have lost approx 13% of what my total body weight was when I started this and while I am not quitting and I dont want to stop here (I'd still like to lose another 65-90 lbs), if I *have* hit a plateau, 240 is a nicer place to be than 285. :winky:

[Parker]

Ok, these are those 2 jars of honey-lemon-ginger tea that I made a couple of months ago - remember? I sliced up some lemons and ginger and added them to a jar then filled it with honey and stuck both jars into the fridge. I was supposed to wait until they turned into a gel then use a heaping tablespoon of the mixture in a cup of boiling water as a tea to soothe sore throats, etc.

Even though I made them at the same time with the same ingredients, the one on the left "gelled" better and faster than the one on the right, which is still mostly liquid with some of it gelled at the bottom of the jar.

Now, this isnt gelled like jelly or jello, which is what I was expecting - it is more the consistency of mayo or mustard - a very thick substance. I fished some of the lemons out of the one on the left because I didnt want to have to deal with them when I was drinking. :winky:

So tonight I boiled some water and added a heaping tablespoon of the mixture (I didnt use a measuring spoon, just a large eating spoon) and then I added another because the mug of water I used was large. It's pretty good - it's really lemon-y so make sure that (a) you like lemon and (b) you can ingest lemon or (c) use less lemon. :winky:

I forgot that my cholesterol meds dont mix well with citrus, so drinking this may give me a tummy ache, but it also has ginger in it, so maybe not. lol, who knows - we'll see!

Oh, but it isnt so lemon-y that it isnt drinkable - it is a nice mixture of lemon and honey to make it tart but not pucker-up-your-face-and-suck-down-your-lips tart.

As I said, it's pretty good and would be great on a cold winter's night if I had the beginnings of a cold or a sore throat - or just wanted something warm and good for me - especially if I added a little whiskey - then it would kinda be like a hot toddy. :winky:

I will definitely make more of this in IL - but I think I should use smaller jars - and I will use more honey and/or fewer lemons. To avoid spending money on jars, I just used old pasta sauce jars, so these are large and I think a smaller (4 oz or so) would work better because it would probably gel faster, be easier to work wish, spoon stuff out, transport, give away, etc. So yeah - smaller jars next time.

I recommend this. :)


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/481003_10101163636270610_38376808_n.jpg

[Parker]

The friend of mine who was going to come here with her hubby to pick up some stuff that I was going to donate to her because I couldnt take it with me contacted me today with an offer I couldnt refuse and that will change how much I can take with me when I move.

Apparently, her hubby is traveling with a friend to OH and back in mid-May by way of an RV and they offered to take a bunch of my stuff with them to OH and then drop it off in IL on their way back here!

All I have to do is either set things up with my sister to store my stuff with her for a few weeks or, if she doesnt have room for it, find someplace for them to store the stuff until I can move it all into my new place.

This way, when I leave in May, half +/- of my stuff will already be in IL so when I load up my trailer with the rest of it, I can bring some things I wasnt going to be able to bring like my recliner, my kitchen stuff, my grill, etc. The recliner was the big thing - that's what she was thinking about when she made the offer because she knew that I just got that thing a couple of years ago and it's quite comfy - and would be one less thing to replace when I move into my new place. :winky:

This changes everything and removes a lot of stress and anxiety over what I cant/cannot take with me and what to do with what I thought I couldnt take with me -- I even had a large 20 +/- lb box of stuff that she was going to hold onto and ship to me when I get settled, but now that can go with her hubby instead of being shipped. :)

[Parker]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/71937_10101172580835630_1469602633_n.jpg


Ran out of store bought dog cookies so I decided to sit down and mix together some of the last of my whole wheat flour and oats to make them some cookies myself - I also added a little baking powder and enough water to turn it into a dough I could work with.

I didnt want to add anything like milk, eggs, or peanut butter because the cookies go bad too fast - so just those 3 dry ingredients (4 cups whole wheat flour, 3 cups oats, and 2 TBSP baking powder) and some water.

I used little bone cookie cutters - large for Zeke and medium for Sally and Jack - and baked them at 375 for about 30 minutes - using those cookie cutters, I was able to make 18 cookies for each dog.

Even without all the frills of peanut butter or whatever, the babies LOVED them. :)

[Parker]

Got a lot done -- took another load of stuff to Goodwill and took an even larger load of stuff to the dump.

I also got a couple of totes for the clothes & bedding that is in the luggage I have right now so I could re-use that luggage for last minute bed/bath stuff and clothes when I move ... so I spent $15 on totes now instead of $40 on duffle bags later.

I did this because the stuff that was in my luggage now is stuff that will go with my friend's husband when he goes to IL in May .... of course, now I know that I didnt have to get rid of my other sheet sets and all of my towels several weeks ago, but they were all kind of old and could stand to be replaced anyway -- and I am considering a king size bed this time instead of a queen, so I would have had to buy more sheets anyway - and I may not want my bathroom colors to be plum anymore anyway, who knows. We'll see :winky:

Now that I have cleaned more stuff out of that storage room, I have some more organizing to do out there: stuff that will go with me vs. going to friends vs. staying with the house - and I have a few totes to clean out and use for other stuff.

But first - I feel like a turkey sammich and some potato salad while I catch up on my shows from last night. :)

[Parker]

I hate those commercials or ads that try to sell you more dog food by telling you that humans dont eat the same thing everyday, so why should your dog??

Because, seriously, 2 of my dogs get upset stomachs and bad gas when I feed them something different, no matter how slowly I introduce it, and the third is very finicky and doesnt like change.

Case in point: I tried to get cute this month by buying a small 15 lb bag of fish flavored kibble to mix with the 30 lb lamb flavored kibble that they normally eat because I didnt want to afford the fish oil I sometimes buy to add to their food (I still need a few things for my trip, so I was trying to keep from spending the extra $35 this month) ...

Well, 2 of my dogs have not stopped with the gas, even with gas meds; and my finicky eater will, literally, pick out the lamb kibble and leave the fish kibble in his bowl. lol

Consider my lesson officially learned - from now on, I buy the lamb kibble and only the lamb kibble so my dogs (and my nose) never has to go through this again! :winky:

[Parker]

I filled in all of (my almost 1 yr old FMD puppy) Sally's excavation sites in the backyard yesterday, but she started another archaeological dig today ... I was kicking dirt back into the hole and saw that she dug up a rock.

Usually, I just pick up the rocks she finds and toss them to the side of the yard by the fence so I dont run over them with the mower, but even in the dark and caked with dirt, I could tell this one was different.

So I took it into the house and let warm water run over it in the sink while I went back out to pick up their after-dinner-presents and when I came back, I saw that it was some sort of crystal. I took a couple of pics of it, but my phone camera isnt great, so I took a video as well. I have no idea what Sally found, but this is one excavation of hers that I would call successful. :winky:


VWPxxxR3fOE


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/484169_10101181311204900_1634680577_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/733749_10101181311429450_677059300_n.jpg



Video bonus - you can hear the traffic outside of my house in this video; and no, my windows and doors are not open. Even with all windows and doors closed, that is honestly how loud the traffic outside is.

After living on this very busy road for 4 years, I am seriously looking forward to living in a quiet rural area. :winky:

[Gemme]

Saw this and thought you'd like.

Wolf Symphony (http://www.aol.com/video/viral-video-wolf-starts-howling-symphony/517724340/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl11%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D289182)

[Parker]

Saw this and thought you'd like.

Wolf Symphony (http://www.aol.com/video/viral-video-wolf-starts-howling-symphony/517724340/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl11%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D289182)


I LOVE this - thank you for sharing it! :)

I love how one of them starts howling at the end, but the others dont join in so s/he looks around and turns it into a softer howl. lol

I confess that sometimes I will visit the Wolf Haven (http://wolfhaven.org/) (sanctuary here in WA) website just to listen to their wolves howling. :winky:

[Parker]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/420635_10201020336535408_1499312515_n.jpg

A friend of mine came over for a visit and lunch today - when my little 1yo FMD, Sally hopped into my lap, I joked that I was a "foster fail" because I was supposed to foster Sally (and Jack) and I failed at it by adopting her (Jack too). So she took this pic and posted it to FB with the title, "This is what "foster fail" looks like." :)

-----

We had Ezell's chicken - which is a kind of Seattle landmark, so I was glad to have that one last time before I leave next month - and while we were waiting for them to make her fried okra, I was telling her how I still havent been to The (Pike Place) Market or the Space Needle but that I really wanted to visit both before I leave.

She offered to go with me and make a day of it - even taking the light rail and monorail since I have never been on either of those rides. :winky:

So the Monday before I leave, I will drive to her house and we will get her hubby to take us to the near-by light rail station, then take that to downtown, play around in The Market first thing in the morning by visiting my friend at his little store and getting doughnuts at some famous doughnut place, then take the monorail to the Needle and go up that scary-ass thing (lord, dont let me pass out or toss my doughnuts!), then go back to her place for movie night and taco pie.

I cant wait. :)

[Parker]

Saw Sally sniffing something on one of the garden fences - doing that thing where she sniffs it and backs away quickly like she is afraid it might get her. lol

Instinctively, I tell her to back off and I go check it out - turns out it was a cicada - which, I often call locusts for some reason, not sure why - but if you hear me mention a locust, odds are good I am talking about cicada lol. :blink:

Anyway, I am automatically fearful because of all the horror stories I heard as a kid growing up with these things and how they can attach themselves to you, it's very painful, etc, etc - so I tapped my foot against the garden fence and it dropped to the ground a couple of feet away.

Then I remembered watching Lucas (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091445/) (back when Charlie Sheen was cool) - which always makes me think of my college friend, Janet (from the first time I was at ISU in the early 90s) because it was filmed at her school and she was an extra in the crowd - and I thought that this might be a little baby and there I am, kicking it away and leaving it in the weeds on the ground. :(

I felt bad, so I grabbed a stick and went back to get it - got it to crawl on the stick and pose for these picks (it literally kept turning like it was striking a pose lol) and then put the stick on the bottom 2x4 of the back fence (so away from the garden fence and dogs) and under some vines because a storm is coming and I didnt want to leave it out there without some cover.

Such a bleeding heart, tree hugging, hippie liberal, I swear. lol

Also, now I want to watch Lucas.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/q71/1011300_10101373748543930_691631468_n.jpg

[Parker]

Getting the old VA run around lol - I went to Urgent Care on Saturday and when I registered with this VA back in June, I was told that if I call ahead to Urgent Care, I could get travel reimbursement for the round trip, but if I dont call, I would be reimbursed for just the return trip home.

What they actually meant was if I call ahead and talk to the triage nurse and find out that the visit is needed now and cant wait until a visit with my doctor then I will get reimbursed for the round trip.

That's not what they told me, but apparently, that's what they meant.

It isnt a huge deal - getting reimbursed for one way is still better than nothing, but it was a pain in the ass trying to get the correct information out of both eligibility (who basically called me a liar by saying no one there would say that) and travel this morning - as well as getting travel to agree to talk to eligibility so they dont keep telling patients that.

Of course, if travel talks to the same woman in eligibility that called me a liar, she will just tell the travel guy that no one there said any such thing and I was crazy, so it all may have been moot.

It just sucks that more patients will have to go through this when, if we are given the correct info to begin with, we could do things the right way and not be caught off guard with mixed info.

I love when everyone blames everyone else and refuses to take responsibility - I was going to crack a a joke about it being the government, but to be honest, I have seen private companies do this kind of passing the buck thing as well.

[Parker]

vnKZ4pdSU-s

This is amazing!

You dont know how much I want to write more and do THIS - stand up in front of people with my words and ... *gulp* perform ... like I did with my Vet Art Project (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showpost.php?p=540695&postcount=1) - only without having to hold the words in my hand. :winky:

Part of this hit home for me - the part about washing your hands after touching someone? Yeah, when I touch most people, I can still feel "it" on my hands and have a compulsive need to wipe or wash my hands (kinda like Howie Mandel) - it's the reason why I dont like shaking hands with people.

I dont have OCD, but with all my quirks and "issues," I've always said I am one tragedy away from becoming Monk!