"That" question...

[imperfect_cupcake]

Well since I'm not living in a Mega Metropolis with a massive queer scene any more and the wife's gone, I'm back in the dating pool in a town.

That's right, a lot of women around who don't ID as butch because they don't understand the term. They are scared of it and think it means something it doesn't. And it also means that they have secret thoughts about what's going on in their head about their own genital area that they don't always share with dykes/lesbians because they are scared of how they'll be judged.

Which bring me to being an experienced Femme and having to have *THAT* conversation during the first couple of dates...

The painful conversation I wrote more detail about here:

I Hope You Brought Your Cock in Your Bag (http://femmeinadakini.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/i-hope-you-brought-your-cock-in-your.html)

Well?? I know if you are surfing the net on a butch-femme site, it doesn't happen much, but I still prefer to pull locally! Plus there's a lot of secret butches out there, just waiting to be loved up in all the right ways. But of course... then comes that bloody conversation again... and I could be wrong, my butch-dar could be completely broken... and I ask the wrong person... it's happened before...

So what are your experiences with having *that* (read link, too lazy to re type the whole rant!) conversation...?

[nycfem]

I don't mind if the people I've been interested in don't call themselves butch or trans, as long they are not anti Butch/Femme/Trans. If I feel my own femme juices flowing in their direction, that's quite enough for me. I can think of one misfire where I went out on a date with a butchy looking dyke, and she made a judgmental comment about "those lesbians who don't wear make-up and use dildos" (Check please!). But then again, her attitude was the biggest turn-off.

I'd like to add that no one is any less butch who doesn't use a strap-on cock. I dated a stone transbutch who preferred to use hys fingers, and it was an eye opener for me on how our BF dynamic was as hot as ever!

[imperfect_cupcake]

No, they don't have to, of course not.

One of my butch exes said her cock was in her fist, sexually, most of the time.

And several of my exes and dates don't label themselves - but usually because they think the term butch is too loaded with negative connotations.

I was sort of hoping to find out how "that conversation" - the one in the link - went for other people. I find it excruciating more than half the time, normally cause it's a hit and miss convo and if it misses, it generally goes horribly wrong in my experience.