Artists, are we unstable?

[laruss]

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question as this is where the artists hang out and maybe I need to ask those who date the artists.

But...

I have seen a number of comments on here and other places about not dating artists, never again, don't do it, and have also heard comments from others about artists.

As someone who recently left the corporate world to pursue my art and have completely changed my life from penthouses to barns, from Starbucks to home brew, from attending the theatre to participating in Art Walks. My life has done a complete 180 and I have never been happier... but, do I need to be concerned?

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.

I don't think I have ever dated an artist in all these years.

What do I need to know?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me into this unknown world and why we don't date artists.

[Apocalipstic]

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question as this is where the artists hang out and maybe I need to ask those who date the artists.

But...

I have seen a number of comments on here and other places about not dating artists, never again, don't do it, and have also heard comments from others about artists.

As someone who recently left the corporate world to pursue my art and have completely changed my life from penthouses to barns, from Starbucks to home brew, from attending the theatre to participating in Art Walks. My life has done a complete 180 and I have never been happier... but, do I need to be concerned?

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.

I don't think I have ever dated an artist in all these years.

What do I need to know?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me into this unknown world and why we don't date artists.

I have never heard this don't date artist thing. Maybe its like dating musicians. Often no job, always at the studio, rehearsals in the hosue, weird friends showing up at all hours.....

Good Luck!

[aishah]

depends on your definition of stable/unstable, and also your definition of artist :)

i've never wanted to live in penthouses or attend the theatre. i do community art with people with mental health issues (i am one) and i love that. to me that's my "art scene." i don't fit in at wine tastings and gallery showings and all that stuff. am i unstable? depends on your definition of unstable. i think i'm pretty stable. i like my life.

i've dated people who were also artists and had non-corporate jobs to supplement their art income (which is my situation also, although my primary earning job is creative in a sense, just not my preferred medium)...i know very few people who make enough money at whatever their art(s) is(are) to totally support themselves. but i don't think there's anything wrong with not having a certain amount of money in your bank account, as long as you're okay with your life. i've never wanted to be a part of the corporate scene.

[MrSunshine]

I think every artist is unique. You didn't need to become an artist to be unstable (no offense, nothing implied).
One of my sisters is the most talented people, she's also completely unstable. I've always wondered if it's the price some must pay for receiving such an amazing gift. Like, it's that uniqueness that supplies the creative edge, talent.

[Toughy]

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question as this is where the artists hang out and maybe I need to ask those who date the artists.

But...

I have seen a number of comments on here and other places about not dating artists, never again, don't do it, and have also heard comments from others about artists.

As someone who recently left the corporate world to pursue my art and have completely changed my life from penthouses to barns, from Starbucks to home brew, from attending the theatre to participating in Art Walks. My life has done a complete 180 and I have never been happier... but, do I need to be concerned?

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.

I don't think I have ever dated an artist in all these years.

What do I need to know?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me into this unknown world and why we don't date artists.


I have never heard artists were unstable to the point of not dating one. Sure some tongue-in-cheek stuff about artists being a bit out there in lala land, but nothing serious. Being artistic doesn't make you any more unstable or crazy than the next person.....laughin.....and we are all a bit crazy and unstable...:seeingstars:

The part I bolded up there about comments on this website about not dating artists. Where did you read this on this website? I would really like to know what thread and what posts in that thread because it's just utter nonsense.

[Tawse]

I would also say as has been said.. how do you define an artist?

Does it have to be someone who quit their corporate lives to pursue sustaining themselves via art alone?

Give us some definitions on "artists" and "stable".


*says the spider to the fly...

[suebee]

Here. This should help:

http://i990.photobucket.com/albums/af28/dwwhite_bucket/Walkers.jpg

[Uli]

Here's my theory:

Everyone is at least sometimes unstable. Some people hide it. Some people show it.

Artists, I think, are more likely to be in the show it category.

Not all people who show it are artists, and not all artists show it.

I've dated several artists, they were/are all unstable and all incapable of hiding it. I like that in a person, so I kept the last one I found ;)

Congratulations on flipping your life on it's head to follow your bliss. You won't become un-date-able, you'll just have an easier time wading through the bad matches :)

[genghisfawn]

Hm. Unstable, eh?

*topples over*

That's just because I'm a klutz!

Don't worry, laruss. The thing is, some people think of people engaged with the arts as the following:

1) Financially insecure
2) Emotionally complicated
3) Materially bereft
4) Absent of "real" goals concerning those penthouses and greasy-tasting coffees you mentioned
5) All of the above and more

I'm going to hazard a guess here, but perhaps you haven't rid yourself of your own bias yet when it comes to an "artistic" sort of lifestyle? It's not only artists who hang around in barns and go on community walks... people without homes and farmers tend to do that, too. Are you looking to be with someone who's in a corporate lifestyle? Artists? Farmers? Baristas? Garbage collectors? The Prime Minister?

I just don't know why it matters where you live and what you do for a living when the people you seek to date will most likely be either attracted to you or not regardless of whether you're an artist or an engineer or a sherpa. :) With this new lease on life, maybe you'll meet many more kinds of people, too, which is always valuable!

Don't think of it as instability... think of it as diversifying your social and experiential network. :)

[SweetJane]

Artists of all stripes, including musicians, writers, even some very creative scientists, see the world differently. That's a great joy! I'm one of them.

Most people don't get that. They either put us up on pedestals or they sneer at what we do.

Most of us don't make a lot of money with our work, but we're happy. We're social people....sometimes when the muse isn't beating us with her wand telling us to get to it!

We do require large portions of our day to devote to our work so we can't entertain a lover/partner 24/7. They have to understand that when they get involved with us. But when we come out of our artistic caves, we're ready for some fun and some loving....maybe more so than if we had a corporate job or were a stay-at-home spouse.

Go find other artistic types OR find those who get you. I am...

[boobookitty]

...if the shoes don't match...

(one heel higher than the other)

:hangloose:

[thedivahrrrself]

Not all artists are unstable. I used to be one (musician, we are our own breed of strange).

It is a personal preference and not meant to offend anyone. I never called anyone unstable.

My comment was I swear I'll never date another artist... because I believe that opposites are a good thing in a relationship. Even though I'm a much more rational/logical personality type than I used to be, I'd prefer to be the more "artistic" one in the relationship. I'm attracted to math brains and practical brains. People with their feet firmly on the ground, so my head can occasionally escape to the sky.

My comment mainly stems from being married to someone who I thought was the logical/math brain, but I slowly found out her dreams were to be a professional poet (not spoken word, she was terrified to speak in front of others, literally a written poet). She hated every job she ever had. She was terrible with money, and about as practical as silly string. Now, I'm not saying all artists are this way; many of my artsy friends are not. She was a special breed of special, artist or no.

Because of some things that have happened in my life, I value security over a lot of other things. Real professional artists are often used to living without security, in fact many of you thrive in the lack of it. That would drive me nuts! Which is why I got out of the business of art.

Follow your passions, live your wonderful lives, and find someone who loves you for your lovely whimsical self!

And pass me the engineers, accountants, teachers, carpenters, etc... LOL

[macele]

like genghisfawn said, i think it will open doors for you, ... relationships.

i absolutely crave the company of creative, imaginative, talented people. i need it. i've dated someone that totally gave me her muse self. she appreciated my own expression and let me experience hers.

an artist knows another artist. an artist remembers the details. an artist inspires others and is inspired by others. an artist tends to be open minded. independent. there are so many positives when being in a relationship with an artist.

some may think of an artist as negative. such as being selfish, ... but others see selfish as passionate, tunnel vision. they tend to need space. they need change. these things can be viewed as unwilling to communicate or unstable. but a creative person takes these things and makes memories, art, stories.

laruss, way to go. you are doing what you love. good will come from that, for sure.

[Ginger]

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.



Yes, if you engage in artmaking, you will become unstable and no one will date you.

Seriously, as you mentioned, many believe there is a link between mental illness and creativity. I just did a cursory Google search, typing mental illness and art, and a lot came up. Also, I went on Amazon and Wikipedia, and both confirmed there is a lot of writing and research and theorizing about the connections between the two. And everyone knows about Van Gogh and Sylvia Plath and all the other artists and writers who struggled with their mental health in a time where there really was no help for them.

One definition of creativity is the ability to take ordinary things and put them together in extraordinary ways. Many mental illnesses do that, cause a person to see ordinary things in distorted ways that can open creative interpretations.

But asking if you'll become unstable if you become an artist? I can't imagine there is a cause-and-effect relationship in that way.

By the way, how wonderful that you made that huge life change.

[laruss]

The part I bolded up there about comments on this website about not dating artists. Where did you read this on this website? I would really like to know what thread and what posts in that thread because it's just utter nonsense.

There was no one thread in particular, just little comments here and there that made me start to worry. thedivahrrrself mentioned one such comment that she made, and I may have seen that one. I'm not calling anyone out though, because I have definitely seen and heard it more then once in the last few days.

I'm not specifically worried as I feel pretty well adjusted. Was more interested to see what people thought about this stereotype. It's just one more to add to my mixed bag, woman, fat, gay, bitch, and now artist. lol

Yes, as an artist I definitely do need time to disappear and work/create and may at some point need to get a job to help pay the bills (although I really hope not). So it would make the time I could spend with someone somewhat scarce, so that is a fair concern for someone.

I was more wondering about how people saw artists. I have always been amazed and in awe of them, but like I said, I have never dated one so it is hard for me to say what it would be like.

Thank you to everyone for your input. It is always great to see everyone's different perspectives.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Those that paint the Golden Gate and Forth Bridges for a living could be deemed as 'unstable'. Art in all it's mediums is emotional and some of us Artists tend to be more expressive of our emotions than others. The very word Artist to some people, screams...

I am temperamental and…
I have imperfections and…
I am emotional
I am unpredictable
I am naked
I am vulnerable
I an human
I am opening up to you
I have insecurities
I am oversensitive, yet, can have a lot of self determination and focus.

Not everyone is comfortable handling another's emotions, thus tagging them as 'unstable'.

[Corkey]

Mom was an artist and probably the most stable person I've ever known. I think humans in their need to express can either do it with aplomb or do it quiet as a mouse. Artists are no more unstable as any other profession, it may seem so because of the amount of attention artists garner, but statistically not a reality.
In other words it's just another stereotype.

[Random]

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question as this is where the artists hang out and maybe I need to ask those who date the artists.

But...

I have seen a number of comments on here and other places about not dating artists, never again, don't do it, and have also heard comments from others about artists.

As someone who recently left the corporate world to pursue my art and have completely changed my life from penthouses to barns, from Starbucks to home brew, from attending the theatre to participating in Art Walks. My life has done a complete 180 and I have never been happier... but, do I need to be concerned?

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.

I don't think I have ever dated an artist in all these years.

What do I need to know?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me into this unknown world and why we don't date artists.

I've never heard this, but I sort of can see the reasoning behind it...

I remember one sunday I got hijacked by my poly-clay and forgot that I had a roast in the oven and challah rising...

Ya...several hours later I surfaced to pancake bread and a block of meat...

My obsession got in the way of taking care of my family...

It may have happened a time or two... or three or four....

[morningstar55]

wow i have never ever heard this before...
about not dating artist... and artist being unstable... never ...
its a god giving talent. Its makes us artist Unique .. but not unstable.


btw........ anyone have a razor sharp knife soo i can cut off my ear??? hehe

[nekohl]

Coming from a long line of artists on my paternal side, I wouldn't say anyone in my family is unstable. A bit looney perhaps but we like it that way ;)

And speaking from the stand point of an artist who someone may be afraid to date on the off chance that I may be unstable, I say who cares! If the fact that I can express myself artistically turns someone off or they are hopped up on the notion that it makes me undate-able well then perhaps that shouldn't be someone I should worry about dating.

To answer your question of "what do I need to know?" Know yourself. Know what makes you happy and follow it. (which you seem to be doing. Good for you!!!) And if you should come face to face with someone who deems you unstable, keep on walking and don't worry about what they think.

There are people who would love to wrap themselves up in every little thing that makes you you. Including all the arty bits!

[Tawse]

I want to say something here but I'm not sure what I want to say. I know I'm a little ruffled but not sure why...

Ok - there are a million shades of "artist" just like there's a million shades of gay. I feel like we're looking at one shade of artist and broad stroking the entire community with that image - or worse yet, implying that is the only shade available.

And I'm guessing that image is (very loosely) the person who stops working to create art, barely survives on their income, may or may not become nomadic... is devoted more to art than people... etc


And I know artists like that.


But I know a lot MORE artists who have their "9 to 5" jobs, have families, and schedule the time they devote to their art (unless over taken by amazing inspiration), and most of us wouldn't know them from anyone else in our maze of cubicles at work.

I guess I just feel like it's being implied that those of us who partition off our lives, continue to work 9 to 5s, and schedule our art time aren't "artists"...

I dunno.

Something rubs me wrong here and I'm not exactly sure what it is.

Or maybe - ironically enough - the message with this thread is that if you aren't unstable - you're not an artist...

oh wouldn't that be a twist!

[Rivkeh]

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question as this is where the artists hang out and maybe I need to ask those who date the artists.

But...

I have seen a number of comments on here and other places about not dating artists, never again, don't do it, and have also heard comments from others about artists.

As someone who recently left the corporate world to pursue my art and have completely changed my life from penthouses to barns, from Starbucks to home brew, from attending the theatre to participating in Art Walks. My life has done a complete 180 and I have never been happier... but, do I need to be concerned?

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.

I don't think I have ever dated an artist in all these years.

What do I need to know?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me into this unknown world and why we don't date artists.

This made me laugh! Ummm ok, being an artist has never made me undatable, unstable or scared potential partners away, I really don't think you have anything to worry about...just enjoy having the freedom to express your creativity....

[twist of lime]

Sensationalism... Its scary stuff.

[Apocalipstic]

I sincerely have never seen a single post about this, so sad you saw one and it made you sad. :rrose:

Anyone who thinks that does not deserve you.

[Toughy]

I sincerely have never seen a single post about this, so sad you saw one and it made you sad. :rrose:

Anyone who thinks that does not deserve you.

neither have I................and it makes me wonder if it there really was a post that said artists are unstable.......


thedivahrrrself pointed out her post did not say artists were unstable, yet the OP seems to think that.......................

shrug................I'm not inclined to believe anyone on this website said artists are unstable without a link to a post that makes that statement....

[Apocalipstic]

Maybe someone said something in chat or PM?

[macele]

income does have to in come, ... in some way. so if a person devotes all of their time to creating their art (no job other than creating), and the art does not produce any income, ... well then lol. that would not be good for paying the bills. may still bring happiness.

this certainly would be undesirable to some people, ... to date a person with little or no income.

but you know, you find out who really wants a relationship with you when not much money is in your wallet. i could think of this as being an up side, ... being an artist.

i don't have to sell a poem to be a poet, ... i'm still a poet. i could make lots of money via selling my poetry and still have a job away from writing, ... i'm still a poet. my poetry could be bad, ... i'm still a poet. a writer/artist, ... can't be just one way. not one definition. but ... what makes me a writer, ... is me. my own place. my own expression. that's mine. all mine.

i like the phrase, it all depends on whom you ask. all professions have passionate people who devote their time to what they love. they may go overboard, ... spend too much time away from home. an example, a coach. now there's an artist lol (my opinion). it all depends on who we date.

[StrongButch]

I think we are creative. Art brings out whats inside of you and shows it to the world.

[*Anya*]

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question as this is where the artists hang out and maybe I need to ask those who date the artists.

But...

I have seen a number of comments on here and other places about not dating artists, never again, don't do it, and have also heard comments from others about artists.

As someone who recently left the corporate world to pursue my art and have completely changed my life from penthouses to barns, from Starbucks to home brew, from attending the theatre to participating in Art Walks. My life has done a complete 180 and I have never been happier... but, do I need to be concerned?

Will I become unstable, will I become undatable because people assume I am unstable? What is it about artists that scare partners or potential partners away.

I don't think I have ever dated an artist in all these years.

What do I need to know?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me into this unknown world and why we don't date artists.

The OP stated that she has read posts here and other places that say not to date an artist.

Nowhere in this post does she say that she read that artists are unstable!

She simply asked if she would become unstable or undatable!

Answer from me: No.

[Ginger]

I don't think it's a good idea to generalize about artists.

It's just too broad and diverse a group of people and one that is constantly changing—given the economy, technology, access to education, and so many other factors.

IMO.

[Amulette]

I stumbled upon this thread and it sparked a need for expression for me. So I think I will share.

Being one of those "crazy artist types" I have had to wrestle with societal norms and the people who need them from me. I have a different way of seeing reality and it reflects in how I live my life. I'm about 85% right brained. So I use different parts of my brain to survive and accomplish things than my left brained friends. And my ways may seem odd to people who are more logically focused.

Example: When I was younger I was in a relationship with someone who had what I call a "worker bee" mentality. Very structured and devoted to accomplishing the tasks that are expected of them. Everything needed to happen in order and on time for their world to be right. I understand that there is security and functional sense to this. I on the other hand would get immersed in projects loosing all track of time, realize I should have started dinner an hour ago, refocus and create a fabulous dinner (albeit late). I would be excited to share my creative projects and they would be like is dinner ready? Soon darling........ my heart sinking.

I drove them stark raving and also thrilled the hell out of them. They were like a blanket and cocoa, warm comfort, but bored me to tears. I was all too willing to except that I was lacking as partner for not fitting into those societal norms and being Clara Clockwork. And to justify their need for order they were willing to support that theory. Sigh. Not a match made in heaven. Everything got done but love could not overcome that reality clash.

Sometime later I heard a Native American theory about the left brain, right brain thing. It told of their being two types of women/mothers. Earth women and Star women. Earth women are like the "worker bee" people. They are steady, predictable, logical, masters of physical order. This is how they nourish their loved ones. Star women are the dreamers, visionaries, artists, storytellers. They nourish their loved ones by inspiring their hearts. What a beautiful validation that was.

For me personally the fundamental difference is motivation and the methods it incurs. Life happens and things need to get done. The societal norm says A,B,C,and D need to get done and you do them because you have to. You have to because it's survival. So do it. Work, chores, bills, everyday stuff. Physical order.

My motivation is beauty. I worship beauty. I'm not just cleaning, I'm making the house more beautiful. (That journey is not for the faint of heart.) I'm not just cooking I'm doing art and healing with food and spices. When I create I looses all sense of time and go into anther world. But, things get done, my credit is excellent, the house is clean, the food is great, I show up to work on time. And while my methods may scare (and thrill) the hell out of some, it makes perfect sense to me. Neither I nor my friends consider me "unstable". Hahaha we call it being a free spirit.

You wanted to know if you should should date an artist? I would answer that with a question. How flexible is your reality?????

[Vincent]

I stumbled upon this thread and it sparked a need for expression for me. So I think I will share.

Being one of those "crazy artist types" I have had to wrestle with societal norms and the people who need them from me. I have a different way of seeing reality and it reflects in how I live my life. I'm about 85% right brained. So I use different parts of my brain to survive and accomplish things than my left brained friends. And my ways may seem odd to people who are more logically focused.

Example: When I was younger I was in a relationship with someone who had what I call a "worker bee" mentality. Very structured and devoted to accomplishing the tasks that are expected of them. Everything needed to happen in order and on time for their world to be right. I understand that there is security and functional sense to this. I on the other hand would get immersed in projects loosing all track of time, realize I should have started dinner an hour ago, refocus and create a fabulous dinner (albeit late). I would be excited to share my creative projects and they would be like is dinner ready? Soon darling........ my heart sinking.

I drove them stark raving and also thrilled the hell out of them. They were like a blanket and cocoa, warm comfort, but bored me to tears. I was all too willing to except that I was lacking as partner for not fitting into those societal norms and being Clara Clockwork. And to justify their need for order they were willing to support that theory. Sigh. Not a match made in heaven. Everything got done but love could not overcome that reality clash.

Sometime later I heard a Native American theory about the left brain, right brain thing. It told of their being two types of women/mothers. Earth women and Star women. Earth women are like the "worker bee" people. They are steady, predictable, logical, masters of physical order. This is how they nourish their loved ones. Star women are the dreamers, visionaries, artists, storytellers. They nourish their loved ones by inspiring their hearts. What a beautiful validation that was.

For me personally the fundamental difference is motivation and the methods it incurs. Life happens and things need to get done. The societal norm says A,B,C,and D need to get done and you do them because you have to. You have to because it's survival. So do it. Work, chores, bills, everyday stuff. Physical order.

My motivation is beauty. I worship beauty. I'm not just cleaning, I'm making the house more beautiful. (That journey is not for the faint of heart.) I'm not just cooking I'm doing art and healing with food and spices. When I create I looses all sense of time and go into anther world. But, things get done, my credit is excellent, the house is clean, the food is great, I show up to work on time. And while my methods may scare (and thrill) the hell out of some, it makes perfect sense to me. Neither I nor my friends consider me "unstable". Hahaha we call it being a free spirit.

You wanted to know if you should should date an artist? I would answer that with a question. How flexible is your reality?????

I totaly get that,a lot of people think I'm bat shit crazy.
I'm retired now and get asked "arn't you bored"
Me-never
I'm either,thinking,mainly politics,reading ,playing music,listening to new music,or watching some new series or documentory,that I will ponder on,
I cant date,9-5 ers.
I drive them nuts,and get on great with other nuts.

people used to call Vinven VG,foo foo,means crazy