Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

[aishah]

i felt a bit awkward posting in the singles forums as i'm not single, but i am available/open to possibilities. so i thought it might be fun to have a thread for folks who are poly and available, or who are interested in dating poly people (you don't have to be polyamorous yourself) to come and chat, flirt, get to know each other, etc. :)

(f)

[TenderKnight]

Cool thread :) I am poly myself, but am currently "single".. Though I do have a close and deal friend/playmate that has been in my life for over 3 years and will continue to be part of my life.

I do have a comment regarding the "don't have to be poly yourself".. I have found that dating folks that are not poly usually leads to hurt feelings on all sides.. Mainly because the "non-poly" may try to be "ok" with it but in reality may think that if he or she works hard enough, eventually the poly person with choose to be monogamous.. This is just my thought and experience..

Saying that :) I think that this is a great thread and I look forward to seeing where it goes :)

-Tony

[aishah]

yay! i'm glad you're here, tony. :)

i've dated a few monogamous people - one of my current partners feels very strongly about being monogamous because that's just who he is, but he's very accepting of the fact that i'm poly. and i've mostly had good experiences. i tend to be pretty open to dating anyone as long as they're accepting of the fact that i'm poly...i don't care if they choose to be or not. but i agree that for some people it can definitely be an issue. thankfully i've been lucky in that regard :)

[pajama]

Hi y'all.

I'm poly simply because I know I can't be monogamous. Regretably a lesson I had to learn while hurting some very dear, wonderful, people.

Right now I'm single, in a holding pattern. I'm up for flirting at ALL times. ;)

[aishah]

flirting is fun! it's odd...i haven't really ever flirted or dated that much, so i'm kind of a newbie. most of my relationships have been with people i was friends with for a long time before. there are definitely perks to that, but i think it would be fun to date and flirt more :)

[Apocalipstic]

For a number of reasons, I think being polyamorous makes sense. So many horrible things happen in our lives under the excuse of jealousy and its accepted.

I do love to flirt! :)

[WingsOnFire]

I am polyamerous.. and not single.. and not really looking.. lol.... but I thought this was a cool thread and just wanted to say hi! Its nice to get to know like minded people..

Aishah.. you actually inspire me with your posts.. :)

[Rockinonahigh]

Cool thread and fantastic subject,today while I was playing pool this subject came up in the group I was shooting pool with.I do admit I dont know many polly couples but on one hand it seems doable if all parties are on the same page cause I dont see how it would work otherwise.I will be reading and learning.

[Soft*Silver]

I was always adamantly opposed to being poly for myself, but so much has changed with me this past year. I know I could be. I dont know if now is a good time to be, since i am so busy with the store opening (delayed now until June) but I wouldnt be opposed to it if chrissy was open to it as well

[pajama]

Aishah, you have two professional flirters on here * ;) to Apoc* We will teach you the fine art that is the coquet. And if you make it to Reunion...which you should...you will see it in action.

What some people don't understand is that flirting isn't just BS or blowing smoke. When I tell a woman she's beautiful, it's because I truly mean it. Or that her smile warms my heart...it's not just cliche, it really does turn my heart. On the flip side, in the flirt, if someone isn't attractive to me, I still try to find a feature in them that I admire and focus on it to flirt with. Because I would venture that a little flirting makes most of us smile.

So lesson 1- Be honest when you are flirting/complimenting.

:)
Have a great day.

[Apocalipstic]

Laughing!

Yeah, when I saw we had a flirting newbie I thought how perfect we have 2 of the biggest flirts I know here ready to help. 'Cause we are generous like that. *high five to Paj*.

Come to the reunion!!!!

[Linus]

Heh.. K and I have always been open to having another, ideally a couple but I think our biggest challenge right now is exhaustion from work. I'd love to flirt but I'd be afraid of falling asleep..

[aishah]

hehehehehe, thanks apocalipstic and pajara!

i compliment people a lot (honestly) but i never thought of it as flirting before. my eyes have been opened! ;)

[Apocalipstic]

I think compliments can be very flirty, as can a look of pure admiration! A sideways glance....a touch on the arm when talking. An unexpected whistle....

Thank you June! We work our little fingers to be bone to express admiration for the beauty and hotness around us. :) :cigar2:

And I totally get what you are saying. It would be nice to have someone around to do the things we don't want to or are not good at. Each person can play to their strengths.

Like I don't ever want to be in a position where I am cheated on or yelled at or told what to do ever again.

If I am not putting out enough? No prob, see your other GF.
I want to spend Christmas at the beach? again, no prob take your other GF to your parents for family time.
You don't like how I fold towels??
How I squeeze my toothpaste?
What I watch on TV?
What way the toilet paper goes on? and other BS you can think of...not a problem, because you have other relationships in your life who might enjoy your toothpate tube issues...live with them.
Want to dish out passive aggressive whining?....thats right, call someone else.

See Me when you want to spend special time with and serve Me. Heh. :rrose:

[PoeticWitch]

*mingle mingle* Jellos I am poly and currently involved, not looking to add but always up for flirting and fun! I think this was the best idea of the century!

[pajama]

Apoc.... I ADORE you! Your post had me chuckling. I love the way you write. :D

And June.. *wiping tear* I am touched that you notice. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh and flirting can also be totally over the top. That's when I'm really shy about it. If I'm laying it on really hot and heavy....it's usually 'cause I really like you and am too shy to say it. That's right... I can be shy around certain types of people. Mostly the guys. (I was going to insert a blushing emoticon here....but apparently we don't have one. Unless your a POC.)

A

[Linus]

Apoc.... I ADORE you! Your post had me chuckling. I love the way you write. :D

And June.. *wiping tear* I am touched that you notice. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh and flirting can also be totally over the top. That's when I'm really shy about it. If I'm laying it on really hot and heavy....it's usually 'cause I really like you and am too shy to say it. That's right... I can be shy around certain types of people. Mostly the guys. (I was going to insert a blushing emoticon here....but apparently we don't have one. Unless your a POC.)

A


We do now. :blush: I kept forgetting to add it.

[Apocalipstic]

Ahhh Pajara, you hot fucker! Thank you!!!!! :fastdraq:

I'm either shy, or not. It can depend on how much alcohol I have consumed, and with trying to drinless less or not at all usually, my flirting has lessened. Give me a couple of drinks and I am a flirt machine!

What say we all get in a big pile and make out???? :danglecarrot:

[pajama]

Ahhh Pajara, you hot fucker! Thank you!!!!! :fastdraq:

I'm either shy, or not. It can depend on how much alcohol I have consumed, and with trying to drinless less or not at all usually, my flirting has lessened. Give me a couple of drinks and I am a flirt machine!

What say we all get in a big pile and make out???? :danglecarrot:

Oh and such a scrumptious little carrot you are. mmmm

[aishah]

that awkward moment when you realize your alcohol tolerance isn't what it used to be...i went to theology on tap tonight and drank a couple long islands and usually that makes me pleasantly tipsy and right now i'm on my way to druuuuuunk. oops. :blush:

i've heard fantastic tales of queer making out parties. but i've never actually been to one :D

i love that yellow smilies aren't necessarily race-specific, but i also love that we have poc smilies here :poc-blush:

[pajama]

i've heard fantastic tales of queer making out parties. but i've never actually been to one :D



*sigh* Ahhhhh the memories. Christmas parties at a certain someone's home. Jaggermeister shots off my *clearing throat* I mean someones cleavage. Those were, by far, the best parties I have EVER been to.

Mass make out parties were tha' shit. Specially when it was a bunch of hotties just kissing and showing boobies. I may still have a delightful picture of several femme hands on my chest, all with their different colored fingernails. mmmmmm

[aishah]

*sigh* Ahhhhh the memories. Christmas parties at a certain someone's home. Jaggermeister shots off my *clearing throat* I mean someones cleavage. Those were, by far, the best parties I have EVER been to.

Mass make out parties were tha' shit. Specially when it was a bunch of hotties just kissing and showing boobies. I may still have a delightful picture of several femme hands on my chest, all with their different colored fingernails. mmmmmm

*fans self*

[FtMGuy]

Hello!
I am going to join in on this thread, where has it been all my life!??:sunglass:
I am recently out of a 11 year poly/open relationship. It ended mostly because we grew apart, our needs ,wants desires changed, well hers more then mine I suppose.
Anyway i am single but have a play partner, and am dating. I am a big ole flirt!
So how you doin ;)
MisterB

i felt a bit awkward posting in the singles forums as i'm not single, but i am available/open to possibilities. so i thought it might be fun to have a thread for folks who are poly and available, or who are interested in dating poly people (you don't have to be polyamorous yourself) to come and chat, flirt, get to know each other, etc. :)

(f)

[Apocalipstic]

I think it's gonna be a long hot Summer!

[CherylNYC]

I'm non-monogamous, but not ecactly poly. I mean, I'll always reserve the right to play around outside of a primary relationship, but I don't think I can have more than one fully developed romantic relationship at a time.

Can I still play in this sandbox?

[aishah]

yes! at least...i'm totally okay with all folks who are interested in consensual non-monogamy playing here. :)

[pajama]

Hello!
I am going to join in on this thread, where has it been all my life!??:sunglass:
I am recently out of a 11 year poly/open relationship. It ended mostly because we grew apart, our needs ,wants desires changed, well hers more then mine I suppose.
Anyway i am single but have a play partner, and am dating. I am a big ole flirt!
So how you doin ;)
MisterB

Well good morning. Aren't you a handsome devil.

[Apocalipstic]

How is everyone this fine Friday!

Welcome to aishah's Lair. (f)

Mingle * Flirt

[Linus]

It's morning? Gah... I need more sleep :P Maybe a cuddle or something..

[TenderKnight]

lol.. all this flirting going on.. I'll be honest, in person, I find it really hard to flirt, mainly because I don't want to "offend" people.. So I usually just awkwardly ask them out for coffee or to play and then flirt once they say yes, lol. Maybe it's a safety buffer thing for me.. I know that "rejection" is always part of the game, but I still tend to be on the safe side.. But getting MUCH better at "grabbing up my balls" and just asking people out :)

Apoc, I have had an eye on you for a while, hon.. Smart, funny, and sexy.. Some good qualities there, my friend :) ;)

Have enjoyed reading the thread so far, look forward to more.. Oh, and Linus.. How you doin'? ;)

[Apocalipstic]

*sigh* Ahhhhh the memories. Christmas parties at a certain someone's home. Jaggermeister shots off my *clearing throat* I mean someones cleavage. Those were, by far, the best parties I have EVER been to.

Mass make out parties were tha' shit. Specially when it was a bunch of hotties just kissing and showing boobies. I may still have a delightful picture of several femme hands on my chest, all with their different colored fingernails. mmmmmm

OMG, those were the best parties! I miss them. That was a great picture, I remember my nails were Chrome. :)

Remember the party we were gonna play make up and we ended up playing make out?

I don't even know many girls who want to show me their boobs any more...we need to get out more. Heh. :detective:

I'm non-monogamous, but not ecactly poly. I mean, I'll always reserve the right to play around outside of a primary relationship, but I don't think I can have more than one fully developed romantic relationship at a time.

Can I still play in this sandbox?

I'm not even sure I am up for any romantic relationship. They seem to crash and burn for me. So glad to see you here! :)

It's morning? Gah... I need more sleep :P Maybe a cuddle or something..

A nap and cuddle sounds Fab!

lol.. all this flirting going on.. I'll be honest, in person, I find it really hard to flirt, mainly because I don't want to "offend" people.. So I usually just awkwardly ask them out for coffee or to play and then flirt once they say yes, lol. Maybe it's a safety buffer thing for me.. I know that "rejection" is always part of the game, but I still tend to be on the safe side.. But getting MUCH better at "grabbing up my balls" and just asking people out :)

Apoc, I have had an eye on you for a while, hon.. Smart, funny, and sexy.. Some good qualities there, my friend :) ;)

Have enjoyed reading the thread so far, look forward to more.. Oh, and Linus.. How you doin'? ;)

:) why thank you BK! :)

Aihsha, you rock! :rrose: :blush:

[boobookitty]

Saw the thread at the top of the new post listing,
so dropping in to say hello to all.

I don't know how to not be poly,
I don't know how to not be open,
I don't know how to not be honest
I don't know how to not be flrity.

:praying:

A blue eyed tomcat by nature and design!

[FtMGuy]

Well Hello Beautiful!
Handsome Devil?! has a good ring to it!! LOL the devil part def, true!!
;) I have been far far away in a strange and peculiar place for many years, but now I am back!!
YA
MisterB

Well good morning. Aren't you a handsome devil.

[Apocalipstic]

Welcome BooBoo!

I know how, but I am burnt to a crisp trying to make monogamy work. It is not because I want multiple partners, it is because I want whomever I date to have multiple partners so they don't expect me to be everything to them.

[Apocalipstic]

Well Hello Beautiful!
Handsome Devil?! has a good ring to it!! LOL the devil part def, true!!
;) I have been far far away in a strange and peculiar place for many years, but now I am back!!
YA
MisterB

Where in the UK did you live? How cool is that? I have only been to London, but quite like it there.

[aishah]

thanks apoc! & others :) i'm really glad folks are enjoying this thread.

also, i baked today. *offers cookies* i've been told that baking is the sincerest form of flirting. or at least one of the forms. and besides, COOKIES.

how are you enjoying being back in the states, misterb? i've only been to the uk once (outside of manchester for a few weeks and london for a couple days) but i reallllly loved it there and want to go back someday :)

for me, i could probably do monogamy. i've done it in the past. i just...don't understand why i should. i like being polyamorous :) i love people and i love expressing love towards people in different ways. i love not having to be everything to everyone and not expecting everyone to be everything to me. i love feeling connected in different ways. i love not having to hide the fact that i love people a lot, or not having to channel it into certain kinds of platonic relationships for the sake of...monogamous respectability or whatever.

[FtMGuy]

Yes it was good fun until it wasn't! I lived in South East London,
Zone 3. I loved our flat and the school I worked at was right down the road, HOWEVER it was very, ummm un queer,, straight folks, so felt a bit out of my eliment
At least in Lincoln I know all the queers or most of them and a pretty large group of FtM guys so its all good!
Where in the world are you?
;)

Where in the UK did you live? How cool is that? I have only been to London, but quite like it there.

[Apocalipstic]

I love cookies and cooking for me is a GREAT way to flirt! (f)

When I been to London it has mostly been for work and we were in the West End area to hire singer and dancers for Cruise Ships, when I went for vacation I stayed near Trafalgar Square since I am familiar with that area. I love it there, but agree I see way more queer presence here in Nashville. Lol.

I have done Serial Monogamy and have been in relationships with more than one person before. I have really been thinking a lot recently about jealousy and what horrible things it brings out in people and why we insist on placing ourselves in situations where we will be miserable not to be alone.

[FtMGuy]

Dont get me wrong the queer &BDSM world is hoppin in central london tons of stuff going on but for going on the train and the underground in chaps and a black tshirt to go to an event just dont cut it for me!
Central lond is incredible! i did love going in and seeing stuff
THe overall experience was a good one!

jealousy is a werd one for me, I thnk for me I need total openness and honesty about what my partners are up to most because I dig hearing about it all, and also its been my experience that when people dont want to talk about it is when things get weird
Any way its hot and I am drinkin iced tea with my shirt off ,in fron of the fan watchng tv and hangin out online!
Hoe you doin'?


I love cookies and cooking for me is a GREAT way to flirt! (f)

When I been to London it has mostly been for work and we were in the West End area to hire singer and dancers for Cruise Ships, when I went for vacation I stayed near Trafalgar Square since I am familiar with that area. I love it there, but agree I see way more queer presence here in Nashville. Lol.

I have done Serial Monogamy and have been in relationships with more than one person before. I have really been thinking a lot recently about jealousy and what horrible things it brings out in people and why we insist on placing ourselves in situations where we will be miserable not to be alone.

[Rope]

In a poly relationship here. I've been in poly relationships on and off for 20 years (wow, that sounds like a long time). I have had great luck with it. A lot of first dates (sometimes, it only takes one date to discover, um, not so much...<g>).

Rope--

[sirenfemme]

Poly also and have had long relationships of depth and quality.I'm looking around the east coast for options. For those of you who are poly how are you finding people who fit?

[aishah]

mostly by accident so far :) i also like places like okcupid and fetlife, where i can state up front that i am polyamorous, but i haven't met many people successfully through there.

[TenderKnight]

yeah, I have mainly found people at random.. Thinking of stating that I'm poly on my profile here as well.. May cause less confusion. I find the hardest part about dating or talking with people that are new or ingnorant of poly is explaining how I can have feelings for someone and still have feelings for other people and it not take away from the fact that I have very real feelings for all involved.. Blah, lol

Have also been finding it a bit hard as of late because I am allowing myself to be vulnerable again and have been a bit "singed".. Not really burned, just testing the waters with someone and then having that feeling of , "OH! ouch.. yeah, this ain't going to work out.." lol Ah well :) Such is love and life :) The "singe" is better then not feeling or experiencing the other wonderfulness that intimate connection can bring.

That's another thing.. I can get sex pretty easy.. I am longing for intimacy, and that is the hardest thing to find sometimes..

OK, will shush now. Glad we have a poly thread, maybe some of you can relate :)

-Tony

[PoeticWitch]

*pops in* my last post would now be considered incorrect. I still consider myself a poly person but i am no longer involved. But I am still not looking. Time for me time, to heal my heavy heart. I see I am out of practice on the flirting. Going to have to brush up on my skills..

[sirenfemme]

[QUOTE=TenderKnight;596376]That's another thing.. I can get sex pretty easy.. I am longing for intimacy, and that is the hardest thing to find sometimes..

I completely agree with you. A willingness to have conversations of depth, eye contact and mutual curiosity. It is not always the easiest piece to find.

[skeeter_01]

i'm a flirt!!...i can't help it...!! i have waiteresses wanting to cut my meat for me!

funny thing is...if anyone flirts with ME? oh dear GOD! i run around in circles like my gramma's little rat terrier "susie"...damn near piddling on the floor like she used to do....uhhhhh...susie...not gramma... :)

poly? not so much...but i TOTALLY understand it!

anyway!! LOVE to get my flirt on!!

skeet

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

So obviously I am NOT the only Poly member on this site and I know I am NOT the only flirt on this site but I was looking in the all the single threads and missing the ability to flirt and maybe start something up with like minded people.

*Shrugs* so I figured I would bump our thread and see if anyone is around....

[SleepyButch]

Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo...

Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around.

I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect.

Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am.

[WingsOnFire]

Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo...

Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around.

I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect.

Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am.

Just stopped by to say yes we are still around lol... while I am currently on hiatis from flirting I definitely have gained a much better understanding of poly relationships over the past 4 years than I had ever before... They are definitely not for everyone.. but I also strongly believe it working on the current relationship before seeking another to add to it...

Just my personal opinion but it helps solidify the relationship. Glad to see the thread is still alive :)

[QueenofSmirks]

Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo...

Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around.

I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect.

Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am.

6 months is good... sounds like it's working out for you so far :)

I don't think the dilemma you're facing is a femme thing. Most people I've met don't want to date or talk to someone who is dating someone else, which makes a lot of sense since most of us have been socialized toward monogamy. Keep looking.... we're around, but we're definitely the minority :)

[QueenofSmirks]

Just stopped by to say yes we are still around lol... while I am currently on hiatis from flirting I definitely have gained a much better understanding of poly relationships over the past 4 years than I had ever before... They are definitely not for everyone.. but I also strongly believe it working on the current relationship before seeking another to add to it...

Just my personal opinion but it helps solidify the relationship. Glad to see the thread is still alive :)

I thought this would be a good place to comment - not all poly relationships are based on one primary relationship plus "extras". Some are completely open - no primary relationships, some are triangular - three equal partners, some are closed - equal between all partners. There are a lot of variations. But I do agree about primary relationship models... if that relationship isn't strong, adding another person to it is likely not going to make it better.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

6 months is good... sounds like it's working out for you so far :)

I don't think the dilemma you're facing is a femme thing. Most people I've met don't want to date or talk to someone who is dating someone else, which makes a lot of sense since most of us have been socialized toward monogamy. Keep looking.... we're around, but we're definitely the minority :)

First I agree. If the other person is not Poly or Open in some form they feel uncomfortable at the least to talk to those of us that are. I would also like to add that once you have claimed to be Poly it is very hard to get others to flirt or date you even when you are single...take it from someone that knows...

[girl_dee]

Mingling.....


there are so many misconceptions about Poly one must be careful when even thinking about entering into this sort of arrangement.

Some think it's a 24/7 multiple partner sex party

Some think it's a way for a Dominant to get their sex on with a bunch of submissives with no regard to their well being

Some think that all members of a poly family have sex....


Some think they can try it on for size and when there is an issue they can say *oh well forget it lets go back to our old life*... well once you go there life is forever changed.

Be ready. Be ready to be seen in public and run into friends with another and have your integrity tested. Be ready to not be the center of the universe with a partner at all times. Be ready to explain to your family what's going on to a certain degree or if you do explain it all, be ready to be judged.

Poly is a wonderful thing, i am all about family.. i am wired for it.. but i am also a believer that if there is ONE iota of a hidden agenda, ONE dishonest thought or action, anything less than 100% honesty and communication that there is a domino effect that happens and it rocks the whole family, and can tear you apart.

[QueenofSmirks]

,,,I would also like to add that once you have claimed to be Poly it is very hard to get others to flirt or date you even when you are single...take it from someone that knows...

That makes sense to me. If I were monogamous, and wanted my partner to be monogamous, it wouldn't make sense to date someone who is poly, even if they aren't currently dating anyone.

[The_Lady_Snow]

If you (general) are monogamously wired, poly of ANY kind will fail. If that wiring is set, grounded and expected your (general) best bet is to steer clear of anyone who is poly, it's just not going to work for anyone.

[WingsOnFire]

I thought this would be a good place to comment - not all poly relationships are based on one primary relationship plus "extras". Some are completely open - no primary relationships, some are triangular - three equal partners, some are closed - equal between all partners. There are a lot of variations. But I do agree about primary relationship models... if that relationship isn't strong, adding another person to it is likely not going to make it better.



ahhh... Thank you so much for expounding on this... my brain is fried from my weekend... and I didnt really put thoughts together clearly when I posted... I do agree.. and they are all so beautiful no matter what the relationship looks like...

I love having indepth conversations here...

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

That makes sense to me. If I were monogamous, and wanted my partner to be monogamous, it wouldn't make sense to date someone who is poly, even if they aren't currently dating anyone.



Oh it makes sense to me also. However, I have talked to people new to the Poly lifestyle that wondered why they were having a problem meeting people after a relationship or when they were single. I just wanted Sleepy to know this might happen.

I also think it is a good thing because it is honesty. One of the most important thing in my opinion to make Poly work is honesty and that starts on day one.

I have had women that are wired for monogamy attempt to date me however they were aware that I am not wired for that type of relationship. It just never works for me to onlt be with one person.

Thank you Dee or your input as well. Because in my experience Poly is not any of those things. I have had many relationships that did not involve sex but the person was just as important to me. I also have had relationships that did not involve D/s while being with others that did.

Poly comes in many shades of the spectrum.

[bright_arrow]

When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe ;) .. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

(f)

[Bad_boi]

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

[girl_dee]

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck :goodluck:

[Bad_boi]

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck :goodluck:
I have been in a poly relationship before. I know it is not all happy fun time all the time. I understand the chaos it can bring but it can be a lot of fun just like any other relationship.

[MsBluem]

My primary partner is out on a date tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it...but it would sure be nice to have one too but I'm marooned in a conservative wasteland where it's hard for someone like me to land a date. Can't wait to move this summer.

[PearlsNLace]

Can't wait to move this summer.
Where are you moving to?

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

I second that question

[SirLucian]

[QUOTE=TenderKnight;596376]That's another thing.. I can get sex pretty easy.. I am longing for intimacy, and that is the hardest thing to find sometimes..

I completely agree with you. A willingness to have conversations of depth, eye contact and mutual curiosity. It is not always the easiest piece to find.
with all of this There is so much more than SEX ad that can be found anywhere
There must be a lot of time taken to grow a relationship in Poly ..........
There is so much to say but I will leave it at that

Thanks for the posts

[imperfect_cupcake]

I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly.

I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it.

So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others.

But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again *eyeball roll*

Yes but which way do you prefer??

Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with?

Honestly.

Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.

:(

[JustLovelyJenn]

Oh... My... Goodness...

I cant believe I have never seen this thread *parks it*

[Ms. Meander]

Hello!

I am an ethical non-monogamist. If I'm doing labels I also identify with the term, Solo Polyamorist. What that means to me is that I am not seeking a primary partner or wish to establish any kind of hierarchical relationship system of my own. I am my own primary partner.

But that does not mean I am not seeking meaningful connections, open to, and capable of love and the possibility of long-term commitments. In fact, meaningful connection is imperative. There are many ways of creating and sustaining alternative relationships as long as all parties are really secure with themselves, know who they are and what they want, are extremely open, honest, and communicative, and are safe and sane. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, it's hard to find. But I'm patient (except when I'm not). I'd rather be alone than enter into anything that does not meet these basic criteria.

I currently have one lover who fits the bill and I adore her. Just having someone in my life who shares similar values and ethics, and can practice them with me, feeds my soul.

In general, I find myself with no lack of suitors but most of them are not poly-minded. When I bring it up, one of two things happens: 1) They cut and run 2) They decide they like me so much that maybe they would be willing to consider it. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and space to evolve, but this is often disastrous because what usually happens is that this person is not really okay with it, is actually hoping that I'll change my mind and make them my one and only, and people get hurt. Another thing that happens is that they will keep me as an option until someone else comes along who suits their relationship style better. You know what? That hurts my feelings! Just because I'm non-monogamous does not mean I don't have feelings. And ya know --- I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to be met on equal ground.

So, there's my nutshell introduction. Pleased to meet you! <insert curtsey>
xo

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

I was just thinking how funny it was that almost everything about me has evolved including being poly. I am more open to discussing what poly looks like to my partners than when I was younger and took the this is what my poly is approach. However like many of you as soon as someone learns that I am poly they usually run the other way or keep me around until someone monogamous shows up and I would rather be single then be anyone's second choice. I enjoy being poly all that goes with it including the hectic times. Okay so I don't enjoy being a single poly person but that is all part of life and will change I am sure. I also get tired of explaining to non poly people that it isn't all about sex. Hell I have had poly relationships that didn't involve sex at all but was very satisfying. Anyways just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year

[JustLovelyJenn]

I tend to be very quiet in threads like this, with just occasional blurps of information... but as I do like to at least introduce myself... here goes.

I have been openly poly for over a decade, however a majority of my relationships have been monogamous. I love completely, no matter who or how many I love. And I find joy and happiness in watching my partner with someone else, when the connection is right. That being said, I am most comfortable with a primary relationship and things stretching out from there. But, that does not mean something different couldn't feel right, and I am open to that...

Right, I will just sit and listen now.

[Sweet Bliss]

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this? :glasses:

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

[QueenofSmirks]

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this? :glasses:

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

I'd love to comment, but I'm not actually sure what you mean. The "Waltons" were all biologically connected ... so I'm having a hard time making the bridge from that to a poly relationship. Can you clarify? In other words, what would that look like?

[The_Lady_Snow]

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this? :glasses:

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.



I can see this working, I know some people who are all thinking of living together in a family type setting, each with their own space in the same building, I don't think there would be any sexual intimacies in between the folks who all were residing in the same building, I would imagine that would take a lot of boundary talk to attempt to maneuver around all that. If someone was coupled I would imagine it working as well with their poly. I'd consider this if I could have a choice who I could pick to live with.


It would definitely have to be a bigger space, so that everyone would have a place to go and have *their own time*, *me time*, *couple time*, *socializing time*... I would only consider this with people who knew and had clear boundaries about personal space.


It's do able.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I lived in a queer radical house share in London. And people were poly or nonmonog. At first there were six and then partners moved in and a bunk bed was put in the storage room for there was 11 at one point.

It was vegetarian, butch, femme, transmasculine, dyke...

And it was hellish. It would have been fun in my 20s but having to deal with all the tops with control issues clashing and endless house meetings about cisheteromen (thus bisexuals being able to live there) and where to buy fucking chickpeas and what kind of toilet paper and who's turn it is to clean the main floor bathroom... May I never ever have to do that again lol

Oh. In a building, absolutely. If I ever win the lottery, I'm buying a block of flats from 8-14 units and doing a communal-community queer building.

But not doing a shared kitchen and bathroom and voting on bisexuals ever again.

I, my flat mate, my next door neighbour in this building and my mate that comes and stays with here four times a year for 28 days, are all old friends, communal and sluts. So, it's nice. Really nice. It feel very safe and homey. Lol

[MsBluem]

Where are you moving to?

Ideally Chicago/the suburbs for now, I promised my grandma I wouldn't move too far from her while she's living. Haha the perks of being the favoring grand kid.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Ideally Chicago/the suburbs for now, I promised my grandma I wouldn't move too far from her while she's living. Haha the perks of being the favoring grand kid.

I just moved from that vicinity last January and boy do I understand promises to a grandma....good luck on the move when it happens

[Sweet Bliss]

Okay, remember I've not finished my first cuppa joy.

I'm fantasy oriented , have you had that "I'm done" moment? But you really mean it? Or the "marginal living" moment, or a "no one wants a disabled lover " second? Or the can't make it through alone living?

It would be platonic ideally, no moving in lovers, this would be a sanctuary for single folks. Pets welcome of course. Mature folks who don't whine about housework, scrubbing toilets or washing dishes or cleaning litter boxes daily or picking up dog potty.

Communal meals, cleaning, financial contribution to groceries, cleaning supplies, toilet paper.

The flip side would be loving companionship, long conversations about topics you find meaningful or important. Funny shared moments. cooking together, sharing knowledge, jokes, boxes of chocolate.

Sisters and brothers living in relative harmony, sharing and caring with and for one another. Like Shakers,, or I don't know, convent or something. No weird uniforms.

Or being at Grandmother's house only you are the same age. :jester:

[The_Lady_Snow]

Okay, remember I've not finished my first cuppa joy.

I'm fantasy oriented , have you had that "I'm done" moment? But you really mean it? Or the "marginal living" moment, or a "no one wants a disabled lover " second? Or the can't make it through alone living?

It would be platonic ideally, no moving in lovers, this would be a sanctuary for single folks. Pets welcome of course. Mature folks who don't whine about housework, scrubbing toilets or washing dishes or cleaning litter boxes daily or picking up dog potty.

Communal meals, cleaning, financial contribution to groceries, cleaning supplies, toilet paper.

The flip side would be loving companionship, long conversations about topics you find meaningful or important. Funny shared moments. cooking together, sharing knowledge, jokes, boxes of chocolate.

Sisters and brothers living in relative harmony, sharing and caring with and for one another. Like Shakers,, or I don't know, convent or something. No weird uniforms.

Or being at Grandmother's house only you are the same age. :jester:


This particular kind of setting would not work for *me*, it's to intertwined for my liking.

I don't like sharing my box of chocolates!

Maybe with retirement you can invest in a big home and cater it towards that kind of communal living!

[CherylNYC]

Okay, remember I've not finished my first cuppa joy.

I'm fantasy oriented , have you had that "I'm done" moment? But you really mean it? Or the "marginal living" moment, or a "no one wants a disabled lover " second? Or the can't make it through alone living?

It would be platonic ideally, no moving in lovers, this would be a sanctuary for single folks….

...Or being at Grandmother's house only you are the same age. :jester:

But what would happen once a resident of Grandma's House For Responsible Adults found a partner? Would they have to move out? What about sleep-overs?

And then there would be the inevitable secret pairing-up of GHFRA residents. I have visions of Responsible Adult residents sneaking furtively through the halls in their shearling slippers and flannel nightgowns, looking both ways as they hope the hinges don't squeak while letting themselves into their illicit lover's bedroom. And then getting busted trying to sneak back to their own room at dawn. It reminds me of walking smack into my father in his bathrobe as I snuck back into my upstairs bedroom window a little later than usual when I was a teenager.

Funny, but he never said a word to me about that time.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I have thought about this more, so I have a bit more thought on this...

Your thoughts about a communal household the way you have put them in words, does not fit my definition of polyamory.

It's just communal living, once my sexual, social, personal space is having to have the acceptance, ok, or green flag from 7 other people it becomes way to oppressive for *me*..

It would be like moving in my parents, or sibling, or any other kind of person who is going to have the expectation I show up for supper.

That would make me *cry*, *scream*, *run away* etc etc..

Some people don't like onions and mushrooms, I would be all shades of upset if my palate is not satisfied let alone all my other compartments...

[CherylNYC]

I have thought about this more, so I have a bit more thought on this...

Your thoughts about a communal household the way you have put them in words, does not fit my definition of polyamory.

It's just communal living, once my sexual, social, personal space is having to have the acceptance, ok, or green flag from 7 other people it becomes way to oppressive for *me*..

It would be like moving in my parents, or sibling, or any other kind of person who is going to have the expectation I show up for supper.

That would make me *cry*, *scream*, *run away* etc etc..

Some people don't like onions and mushrooms, I would be all shades of upset if my palate is not satisfied let alone all my other compartments...

There's a movement in Europe called co-housing. It provides a bit more personal autonomy than straight-up communal living. SweetBliss's ideal living situation sounds more like co-housing to me.

Either way, you're right that it doesn't have much to do with polyamory since it doesn't involve matters of the heart or the gonads.

[DapperButch]

But what would happen once a resident of Grandma's House For Responsible Adults found a partner? Would they have to move out? What about sleep-overs?

And then there would be the inevitable secret pairing-up of GHFRA residents. I have visions of Responsible Adult residents sneaking furtively through the halls in their shearling slippers and flannel nightgowns, looking both ways as they hope the hinges don't squeak while letting themselves into their illicit lover's bedroom. And then getting busted trying to sneak back to their own room at dawn. It reminds me of walking smack into my father in his bathrobe as I snuck back into my upstairs bedroom window a little later than usual when I was a teenager.

Funny, but he never said a word to me about that time.

Sounds like the complaint of nursing homes after Viagra came out on the market (true)!

[PearlsNLace]

Ive discovered that I dont actually like communal living. I want my own kitchen and bathroom. I want to go to bed with no one still up playing stupid music when Im trying to sleep. I dont want to harrass anyone that its their time to buy the toilet paper, the soap, or to vacuum anymore.

Its great to have a household of lovers or friends until it is not.

Currently, while my partner is pregnant and dealing with hormones, and then probably for a while after the baby is born my life looks very strangely monogamous. And I am finding that I'm ok with that for the interim.
However, its awesome that all that crazy communal living Ive done in the past.. actually seemed to build community that lasted.
Im lucky. Im not alone.
But Im also glad to have a place like the planet- to reach out to others. Because community matters a lot to me- I think it may be my lithium, my prozac, and my valium.

[JustLovelyJenn]

My bio family sometimes jokes that we need to buy one piece of property and all build a house on it. I know that having everyone I consider family on a single piece of property is impractical, however, this is the type of feeling and enviornment I hope to someday create for my home. One where people feel comfortable and welcome, and involved, no matter if they are staying for dinner, or moving in.

I think its important to have both time together and time apart. Whether the people are intimately involved or not, I want a group that is comfortable in each others spaces, that can work together in a communial living environment, but still have the ability and right to spend time apart. I know that likely, it will not be an easy thing to accomplish, but its something to work towards.

Somehow, I feel like this thought is not complete... but, its where I am leaving it for now.

[nycfem]

Just wanted to let people know that we also have a butch femme compound thread, ya know, like forming a butch femme compound to go live on. Might be a better fit for some than the poly thread.

[Sweet Bliss]

Well, depending on who would be interested it might evolve into a more fluid arrangement or more structured depending on needs of the group.

Ya I would say it's more like co housing... being greedy and selfish and not playing well with others prevents me from going poly..... for example I would never want to share my Honey with ANYONE.

Am thinking it would be more folks who don't want to live alone, or might need minimal assistance or would improve standard of living.

My fantasy would be being "den mother" for an established poly group. I enjoy lots of physical contact, so would be nice to cuddle on couch with group members, share back rubs, foot massage etc. Like I said, fantasy ..... :goodluck: with that right?

My fantasy group would be Wolfyone, Katniss, Scotsontherocks, Huge-smile, Daktari and me. All funny, neat/orderly , artistic, worldly, great cooks etc. And never a dull moment.

Well, anyway..... that's all. Thanks for reading.:rrose:

[Sweet Bliss]

Just wanted to let people know that we also have a butch femme compound thread, ya know, like forming a butch femme compound to go live on. Might be a better fit for some than the poly thread.

thanks, will go look for it.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

My bio family sometimes jokes that we need to buy one piece of property and all build a house on it. I know that having everyone I consider family on a single piece of property is impractical, however, this is the type of feeling and enviornment I hope to someday create for my home. One where people feel comfortable and welcome, and involved, no matter if they are staying for dinner, or moving in.

I think its important to have both time together and time apart. Whether the people are intimately involved or not, I want a group that is comfortable in each others spaces, that can work together in a communial living environment, but still have the ability and right to spend time apart. I know that likely, it will not be an easy thing to accomplish, but its something to work towards.

Somehow, I feel like this thought is not complete... but, its where I am leaving it for now.

Ok so I have a question for you and other femmes even other Alpha's no matter how they id. Whenever I have had a Poly House and many that I have heard of been around there has usually been one Alpha for the poly house. However, more and more I am meeting people that let's say wants me as a primary but also wants to see another Alpha. Since we are talking communal living and poly relationships then add to the fact that I prefer to have everyone I am seeing under one roof (in an idea setting of course).. My question is is it even possible to have more then one Alpha in a House or will our egos kill each other? Has anyone ever experienced it or seen it happen successfully?

I have once in a gay males poly house but there was still a hierarchy with a Master and a Sir and the submissives. I am just curious what others thoughts on the matter is,,,,

[The_Lady_Snow]

Ok so I have a question for you and other femmes even other Alpha's no matter how they id. Whenever I have had a Poly House and many that I have heard of been around there has usually been one Alpha for the poly house. However, more and more I am meeting people that let's say wants me as a primary but also wants to see another Alpha. Since we are talking communal living and poly relationships then add to the fact that I prefer to have everyone I am seeing under one roof (in an idea setting of course).. My question is is it even possible to have more then one Alpha in a House or will our egos kill each other? Has anyone ever experienced it or seen it happen successfully?

I have once in a gay males poly house but there was still a hierarchy with a Master and a Sir and the submissives. I am just curious what others thoughts on the matter is,,,,


Are you talking a poly household or Leather Communal living?

I am confused, cause the polyamory thread is now mixed in with communal living


Thank you in advance for clarifying

[JustLovelyJenn]

I don't think I have ever considered having more then one "alpha" in a house. I am trying to think back over past situations, and even considerations, and I can't see that for me as a possibility. I do like the idea of having everyone together, that is deffinently in my "dream come true" file, however, the higherarchy needs to exist... I don't like the potential for my partners to be competing with one another, that doesnt sound like a peaceful family life to me.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Are you talking a poly household or Leather Communal living?

I am confused, cause the polyamory thread is now mixed in with communal living


Thank you in advance for clarifying

I was trying to get back to the poly thoughts so a poly household but most of my experience with actual poly households are Leather Poly household.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I was trying to get back to the poly thoughts so a poly household but most of my experience with actual poly households are Leather Poly household.



So I am gonna explain how it would go for *me*, this does not reflect how others would run their particular space.


If I coupled up with/ decided to mentor/ fall in like with/ decided to combine families with/ and they happened to be a peer(another Alpha.Master.Dom.Top), I would most likely do so with someone I have hand a long time, and I mean LONG LONG time Leather relationship with, it would have to be a REAL TIME exchange where both our houses were mingling, socializing, getting to know one another period of consideration and planning for a future blend of Households.


My peer and I (An Alpha.Master.Top.Dominant) would be to busy getting things in order, (having already spent a great deal of time together with all our peoples) to even have to worry about some weird *Alphas killing eachother* kind of bullshit up in my sacred space, that kind of weird chest bumping I am *Alpha* so therefore I have to be in charge of it all is NOT going to function well in a House that is being constructed under the guidance of 2 Dominants.

Dominants with common sense are going to talk about how to handle and check their egos at the door before exposing any of their property to that kind of unnecessary drama and stress.


If you (GENERAL) have an issue with other Alphas, then you're (GENERAL) best bet is to be the ONLY Alpha in your household, it will save a lot of grief.


As for having all the people you are *seeing*, *fucking*, *dating*, *courting* etc under one roof, *I* couldn't do it.. *I* need breathing room, I need private one on one time, individual time in an individual space, where I am not having to worry about (insert slave's name here) having to see, watch, and be around private intimate moments between me and (insert whatever here)

That for *ME* is to messy, I like to keep my compartments nice and tidy and in seperate drawers.


Leather Women/Men run successful poly families with just one Master, Master and Mistress at times, Master with alpha submissive exploring Top side and bringing in a boy.girl it goes on and on.


It's the work that people have issues with sometimes, not the poly or idea, it takes work, consideration, empathy, and responsibility to make it work.

Thanks for the interaction

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

So I am gonna explain how it would go for *me*, this does not reflect how others would run their particular space.


If I coupled up with/ decided to mentor/ fall in like with/ decided to combine families with/ and they happened to be a peer(another Alpha.Master.Dom.Top), I would most likely do so with someone I have hand a long time, and I mean LONG LONG time Leather relationship with, it would have to be a REAL TIME exchange where both our houses were mingling, socializing, getting to know one another period of consideration and planning for a future blend of Households.


My peer and I (An Alpha.Master.Top.Dominant) would be to busy getting things in order, (having already spent a great deal of time together with all our peoples) to even have to worry about some weird *Alphas killing eachother* kind of bullshit up in my sacred space, that kind of weird chest bumping I am *Alpha* so therefore I have to be in charge of it all is NOT going to function well in a House that is being constructed under the guidance of 2 Dominants.

Dominants with common sense are going to talk about how to handle and check their egos at the door before exposing any of their property to that kind of unnecessary drama and stress.


If you (GENERAL) have an issue with other Alphas, then you're (GENERAL) best bet is to be the ONLY Alpha in your household, it will save a lot of grief.


As for having all the people you are *seeing*, *fucking*, *dating*, *courting* etc under one roof, *I* couldn't do it.. *I* need breathing room, I need private one on one time, individual time in an individual space, where I am not having to worry about (insert slave's name here) having to see, watch, and be around private intimate moments between me and (insert whatever here)

That for *ME* is to messy, I like to keep my compartments nice and tidy and in seperate drawers.


Leather Women/Men run successful poly families with just one Master, Master and Mistress at times, Master with alpha submissive exploring Top side and bringing in a boy.girl it goes on and on.


It's the work that people have issues with sometimes, not the poly or idea, it takes work, consideration, empathy, and responsibility to make it work.

Thanks for the interaction

Thank you I can actually see that working and like you I would have to know my peer a long time before even considering such a mingling. I also agree that there are many forms of poly families ran by Leather Women/Men that are very successful because they are willing to do the work involved. I haven't seen/ran into much chest thumping in the Leather community at least not among those that have been at it awhile. I was just asking because I was actually talking to someone about the possibility of having a poly family with more then one Alpha but I think they were referring to non Leather situations and I wanted others opinion on if it was even possible or something they would want. Since I realize there is about a 1000 and 1 ways to do poly or non mongomy....Thank you again for answering

[Ms. Meander]

All of this communal living talk is giving me heart palpitations! Even though my current living situation is not so far off from "communal" -- it's challenging to me sometimes. The only reason it works for me is that I have absolute autonomy, my personal space is large and well removed from the others, the others respect my need for space (mostly), and it has nothing to do with my love/sex life.

This gal loves her "me time". For those of you who feel you require a good amount of time to yourselves and greatly value your autonomy --- how do you balance that with multiple lovers and/or play partners?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Good boundaries. Very good ones.

after working in the sex industry I have NO issue anymore in telling people no. cause punters will hound the living shit out of you for free time if you don't have good boundaries. Everyone wants a freebie. even if it's just talking to you for long enough to jerk off secretly while they make a fake booking.

So I'm very, very good at not responding to texts if I am not up for it. I just ignore it. I pretend its a phone and I'm not home to answer it. It's a message, not a giant loudspeaker demanding my attention.

If I'm busy with me I don't answer texts or phone calls or emails. If they throw a tantrum about it, we aren't going to work.

the people it does work with, if they don't get an answer, they bugger off and go do something else.

I am not seeing or screwing anyone right now, but that is how I have done it. I am an extrovert but I do need my independence and autonomy and my me time. And so I don't guilt myself into accomidating other people in that time. End of.

If I don't do that? I have a mental health melt down.

[imperfect_cupcake]

(And this is also why I can't do 24/7 stuff. I piss top/dom leather people off who are into 24/7 or old Gaurd because I come first, then my school work then they do. Dominant who don't need me to be attendant to them 24/7 don't find this an issue. Also getting told "you're bossy" really? Oh dear. "And sarcastic" gosh. I'm glad you told me this. I'll get right on that.
I tend to not really get along with. Those who just laugh at those answers instead of cracking a whip I'm going to ignore, I'll get along with incredibly well. And those will be the ones I wind up giving myself over to, down the road)

[Ms. Meander]

I am much more of an introvert (except when I'm not!) and I'm new with this "effectively asserting my boundaries" thing. I've turned over a new leaf lately and am feeling much more confident in my ability to meet my own needs and make sure I am involved only with people who respect my boundaries, particularly my need for space when I'm taking it.

Admittedly, I have yet to be challenged in this very much since I've made some internal changes (although some), so I'm just bolstering myself and listening to other people's experiences. I'm not really a "Fuck off" kind of person. I like to communicate gently, but some people can't hear what I'm saying unless I hit them over the head with a 2x4. They get one big bonk over the head and a discussion of how this needs to be different in the future - then if it happens again, that relationship is likely going to end or transform to platonic friendship. I've recently had an opportunity to practice this effectively. Sadly. But it feels pretty great to assert myself and come out feeling good about myself rather than like I've compromised my own needs too much.

[Ms. Meander]

I'll also add that part of what took me so long to "get it" has been that my boundaries were all mixed up in power dynamics, and being submissive. What I am experiencing *now* is that I can more fully submit and enjoy my experiences when I start on equal footing and make all of my own boundaries absolutely clear, and know I am heard and respected. THAT's hot!

Plus, I might be starting to explore some more dominant tendencies within me.
:D

[The_Lady_Snow]

I'll also add that part of what took me so long to "get it" has been that my boundaries were all mixed up in power dynamics, and being submissive. What I am experiencing *now* is that I can more fully submit and enjoy my experiences when I start on equal footing and make all of my own boundaries absolutely clear, and know I am heard and respected. THAT's hot!

Plus, I might be starting to explore some more dominant tendencies within me.
:D


I love how you just put this out on the table to examine, I think that happens a lot in poly relationships, people have a misconception and people who have submissive tendencies, character, habits will fall prey to someone who can manipulate them to think that *messy* poly is *acceptable* poly.


Submissive.bottom.slave does not mean you get to be treated like shit, manipulated, lied to etc.

Thanks for bringing that up!!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Nor does it mean you are on beck and call all the time.

Many people don't understand boundaries unless stated very clearly. I know some people are conflict avoidant and thus hate stating them bluntly and obviously. One of my best mates and my flat mate is like this. She an introvert, quiet, submissive and very avoidant. She does what she's told in order to please but gets very pissed off when someone doesn't meet her needs. She often talks to me about how upset she gets with her gf who is very dominant and says things and does things that upsets her but she thinks the whole world will turn upside down if she says anything or says "no" - her no usually looks like her being slightly uncomfortable and then trying to smile and saying well... Just let me check on that. And hoping you'll forget to ask her. She hints at no, rather than saying it outright.

Then gets upset her gf pushes. Or doesn't notice that she needs to talk because she's hinting at it.

I've told her over and over she needs to point blank say it. But she can't. It terrifying for her. And since her gf doesn't know her like I do (25 years) and her gf is a plain speaker, dominant and blunt, she thinks Emily means what she is saying.

I'm not saying this is you. I'm talking about this because three of my closest friends are all submissive introverts that often lose themselves in relationships because of this and have avoided relationships for years because of that fear. Em finally got into one but has fallen right back into it. It makes me sad to see them do this. My one friend has three Doms but refuses to be in a relationship with any of them. Sex only. They call when they want her, which is about every six weeks. She actually comes and talks to me first if she needs to say no because she gets highly anxious about it and freaked out. Sometimes I have the urge to just grab the phone out of her hand and type "no thanks, I'm busy tonight." If I put a softener at the end of that like "too bad though cause it sounds hot" to try and not 'hurt their feelings' they will see that as an opportunity to say "well if it is, then say yes anyway."
I keep telling her it's still polite to just say no without having to explain yourself. She doesn't like not trying to give reassurance when she says no. But it often gets her harassed for it. I now don't give reassurances unless someone asks me for them. That was another lesson. And I now find them actually kind of irritating if someone attempts to reassure me when I haven't asked/don't need because it feels like I'm being "softened" or "pandered".

Believe it or not I was really similar in a relationship. Until I did escorting dom work. Then I was exposed to extremely needy submissive men with a lot of privilege. And it cleared up my boundary problem in a tick lol. Sex work did wonders for my boundaries issues, more than 9 years of therapy did, anyway lol.

[anaisninja]

Hi, I'm Anne. I'm in Seattle.

[uniquetobeme]

Hi Anne and everyone. I'm Rebecca and my partner and I live near DC. Hope everyone is enjoying this Spring weather!

[Mel C.]

I'm too tired to flirt, but mingling would be nice!

[JustLovelyJenn]

I am trying hard to start the mingle and flirt game again... its a lot more complicated then I remember... maybe I'm just getting old.

[SleepyButch]

I am trying hard to start the mingle and flirt game again... its a lot more complicated then I remember... maybe I'm just getting old.

It's like riding a bicycle. If you haven't taken the bike out for awhile, it might be a little rusty. But get it going again and it will come back to you naturally.

Good luck!

[WingsOnFire]

I am trying hard to start the mingle and flirt game again... its a lot more complicated then I remember... maybe I'm just getting old.

I hear ya sissy!! Be good to yourself and give yourself confidence. I too am struggling with feeling confident but I am working on it daily :). Love ya!

[Mel C.]

I find unwanted challenge in meeting like-minded (or open-minded) people. It is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

[RockOn]

Hi Everyone,

I have not done any reading here until now but something different came into my mind about a week or two ago ... I had not ever considered or given any thought to poly type relationships before now. At this point, I honestly don't know much about developing guidelines or what they are ... well f* ck, being direct always seems better for me so let me simply say I know nothing about this and how the general poly community goes about things.

I think the best thing I can do is come here and educate myself by reading your posts ...

Thanks. :)
From someone who is sitting on the fence.

[JustLovelyJenn]

I hear ya sissy!! Be good to yourself and give yourself confidence. I too am struggling with feeling confident but I am working on it daily :). Love ya!

We need to get together...

MARK your calander... I'm camping at the cabins again starting June 29th...

[WingsOnFire]

We need to get together...

MARK your calander... I'm camping at the cabins again starting June 29th...

Okkkkkkkkkk will do

[DaddyNik12]

opens door and pokes head inside and waves to everyone *

[RockOn]

I was researching books on poly relationships and this one kept popping up: The Ethical Slut

Do any of you recommend this book in a favorable way or give it a thumbs down for a NOOB like me?

Any additional suggestions will be appreciated. I'm trying to find a good starting place with something I am unfamiliar with.

Thanks. :)

[candy_coated_bitch]

I was researching books on poly relationships and this one kept popping up: The Ethical Slut

Do any of you recommend this book in a favorable way or give it a thumbs down for a NOOB like me?

Any additional suggestions will be appreciated. I'm trying to find a good starting place with something I am unfamiliar with.

Thanks. :)

I'd definitely recommend The Ethical Slut. I think it's very accessible for someone new to polyamory, or for someone who is just curious. I haven't really read any other books about it, so I couldn't really say. I did a quick glance at what came up on Amazon and I didn't recognize even one other book I've heard other people talk about, let alone read myself.

There are as many ways to be poly as there are to be a Butch or a Femme. It's kinda just what works for you and your partner(s). That's probably a process if you've never tried it before. I know a lot of people in the kinky world who are poly and I can say I have seen many different ways of structuring (or not structuring) poly relationships. If you asked a hundred people what poly means you'd get a hundred different definitions, as they like to say.

For me personally--my partner identifies as poly and I don't and we had to do a LOT of negotiating until we could get to a place where we both felt we were getting what we needed. I think for us the most important part was to be able to figure out and name what each of our core needs was.

[anaisninja]

I second the endorsement for The Ethical Slut. I also recommend Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.

[RockOn]

candy _ coated _ bitch and anaisninja:

Thanks to both of you for your valuable replies.
:)

[Ms. Meander]

Opening Up - A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino
is an excellent resource!

[JustLovelyJenn]

*stops by to wave at people and skips back out*

[canadianmusician]

Queer, poly, kinky transguy here.

I agree that Opening Up is a wonderful book!

[Cole]

Hi Y'all!

Currently single and open to poly relationships. Have been in poly relationships in the past and have found that I am much happier when I am not monogamous.

[Mel C.]

Welcome...seems kinda quiet in here but maybe if we keep bumping the thread it will perk people up

[uniquetobeme]

Are there many, any interested in poly-fidelity? My partner and I have discussed polyamory and poly-fidelity looks like the only thing that may work for us, so I'm just curious, It also seems really hard to meet poly lesbians. We've looked at poly events and it seems like it is mostly married hetro/bi and there doesn't seem to be as much polyfidelity from what I can tell.

[DaddyNik12]

Are there many, any interested in poly-fidelity? My partner and I have discussed polyamory and poly-fidelity looks like the only thing that may work for us, so I'm just curious, It also seems really hard to meet poly lesbians. We've looked at poly events and it seems like it is mostly married hetro/bi and there doesn't seem to be as much polyfidelity from what I can tell.

its here with some of us just its not advertised as often or much lolol... just kiddin ... but umm yeah I will say ... im living in a poly household now with two other lesbians :P

[DaddyNik12]

let me say this before some ppl think the wrong things ...


the poly relationship can be in many dynamics sexual and nonsexual , its kinda like one persn can fill your needs and you get your other needs met by another wither it be sexual or non sexual ... but ..i think that all people involved should be on the same page and communicate with each other .

other wise it can lead to many problems down the road or feelings can be hurt ..

and like any other relationship .. some stipulations have to be set with all involved



just my insight others might think indiferrently

[candy_coated_bitch]

For me, the poly world very much overlaps the kinky community. I identify as queer, not a lesbian, but I have come across far fewer poly lesbians in the "vanilla" world. I'm not sure why...

[giggleluver]

I am currently single but am a poly femme in the Pacific NorthWest struggling to figure out the ins & outs ( oh my!) Of this site and have yet to maintain a successful poly relationship. I have not however given up and am looking to get to know other people who share my interests.

[WickedFemme]

Great reading on this thread...

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Can I throw my hat into the poly flirting pool. I have been in both types and many diffrent types of poly relationships. Minogomy amd Poly both have advantages and disadvantages. When it comes to poly though communication 100% honesty 100% of the time then add the rught mix of pepole and energy then all kinds of magic is possible. Can you tell that I prefer poly. Individuals tend to be less jealous and I don't do jealous well so another benefit.

[D Phryxus]

-waves- new on BFP and this thread...obviously.
I think its great that there is specifically a poly flirt thread here. So many sites have a poly forum but only a singles flirting thread and I, like many others, feel too weird flirting on there especially being married.

[Mel C.]

-waves- new on BFP and this thread...obviously.
I think its great that there is specifically a poly flirt thread here. So many sites have a poly forum but only a singles flirting thread and I, like many others, feel too weird flirting on there especially being married.

Welcome to the poly planet!

[D Phryxus]

Welcome to the poly planet!

Thank you! :hk2:

[aishah]

welcome d! :)

[Mel C.]

welcome d! :)

hey you.....nice to see you!

[cricket26]

https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10698456_10152749300374579_7178958002104212489_n.j pg?oh=84c57ebf4bed6121007e4ba3c9727013&oe=54992FCD

[FtMPlus1Seeks1]

New to the site... New to this thread... But going to throw it out there.

We are an Ftm/Femme couple, legally married and together now for 5 years... and searching for a third to complete our triad. Both of us have been in poly relationships before, and we know what we're getting into!

If you're an FtM and interested in an arrangement such as ours... Let's chat!

[D Phryxus]

While I don't qualify in the last post, it did bring up an interesting thought -

For those who are in multiple relationships, how did you meet your partners?

I met my husband online. My last girlfriend I met through friends. Before that I met my girlfriends through the local BDSM and Kink communities I was part of usually.

[WingsOnFire]

While I don't qualify in the last post, it did bring up an interesting thought -

For those who are in multiple relationships, how did you meet your partners?

I met my husband online. My last girlfriend I met through friends. Before that I met my girlfriends through the local BDSM and Kink communities I was part of usually.

I am currently single, however both of my ex's I met online, here in fact. Currently mingling with folks in my local BDSM circles.

[JustLovelyJenn]

hmmmmm.... anyone awake in here??

Are any of you all going to the reunion this year??

[aishah]

hmmmmm.... anyone awake in here??

Are any of you all going to the reunion this year??

reawakening, and yes, i hope to go to reunion this year! :)

[giggleluver]

baby girl looking for friends in the poly community. open to possibilities. I am sober and hoping to find people who also are in sobriety.

[Mel C.]

reawakening, and yes, i hope to go to reunion this year! :)

Save me a dance please :praying:

[aishah]

Save me a dance please :praying:

for you, always! :) (f)

[uniquetobeme]

Hope everyone in the poly world is doing well! I'd flirt, but I'm too tired!

[MitchM42]

Ready willing and able. Well....hold on. I'm having rotator cuff surgery on Wed. so the "able" part is limited to non physical activities for several weeks.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Thinking it is time for me to do some thread bumping
This will be my first one. After all mingling with like minded people is what BFP is about...
As for flirting I will have to dust off that skill before I even think about using it *wink*

[uniquetobeme]

So, I'm about a month away from being 1/2 way through my MEd degree, and I feel like it has taken all of my free time and my new favorite hobby is sleep!

Does anyone else date together, as opposed to seperately, at least in the begining? We do, and it makes it a lot harder to find someone. My wife and I don't have open relationships, but don't mind if the person we're dating does. We've also been open to dating another couple, and maybe polyfidelity or a closed triad or quad. I think it will take a long time to find what we're looking for because we're a bit picky after making a couple bad choices, we're a bit restrictive in how we date, and we hardly ever get out of the house because of school. I miss fun. Lol

[cathexis]

My Partner and I are interested in adding a third or fourth (no children,

please) to our family. We are both politically active as possible here,

open minded, have an ongoing D/s relationship, and are sapiosexual.

Currently we live in the far N tip of NYS, but plan to relocate first to Albany

then to Albuquerque, Gallup, or Flagstaff. We love the west, and not where

we are by choice.

This would not be our first rodeo. We have had two other poly relationships,

but there are some important components missing. Our relationship is

23 years stable, and wish to add not detract.

We have a financially stable fixed government income.

Would be interested in 1) emailing 2) talking on the phone 3) meeting to see

if we can a good fit.

[uniquetobeme]

We visit somewhat near that area (we visit Rochester). We are looking to move somewhere bear Albany or Rochester to be closer to family. It would be neat to have other poly friends in the area when we finally get there!