Funny Shit

[theoddz]

Bring it.

I'll go first.

Today on my "Recommended for You" Youtube list....was this:

YouTube- Linedance - Cowboy Yoddle Song

C'mon folks, don't keep those laughs to yourself. This thread is for anything funny....stories, videos, jokes....

Share 'em or just join in the ----->>>:superfunny:

(ya, and now I know you're all wondering WTF I'm listening to on Youtube that THEY think I may be interested in this)

~Theo~ :bouquet:

[Ms. Tabitha]

YouTube- Funniest Thing Ever - Hilarious

[MsDemeanor]

Huffpo has a bit on the funniest protest signs of 2009. This one is my favorite.

I don't know which is funnier, the wikipedia-esque citation note or that "sports nuts" is on this guys list.

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/2780/slide_2780_53511_large.jpg

[PinkieLee]

YouTube- MAD tv - Bon Qui Qui at King Burger

[PinkieLee]

YouTube- MADTV Chyna skit 2

[MsDemeanor]

Tabitha,

I LOVE the video. I also LOVE your sig line:

It's Christmas, for goodness sake.
Think about the baby Jesus... up in that tower, letting his hair down...
so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.

[Ms. Tabitha]

Tabitha,

I LOVE the video. I also LOVE your sig line:

It's Christmas, for goodness sake.
Think about the baby Jesus... up in that tower, letting his hair down...
so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.




Thank you ;)

[Ms. Tabitha]

YouTube- Swan - She Look Like a Man

[PinkieLee]

MadTv has so many funny characters... it's so hard to choose!

[Ms. Tabitha]

YouTube- Mad Tv Stuart and the Tooth Fairy

[Jet]

When I was really little like '62-'63
we lived next door to a big family with
real good lookin' kids in high school.

The littlest kid, about 6 years old,
was named Butchie and he was
always hanging around where he shouldn't.

His sisters who were in high school
were gorgeous, and very popular,
and one night his
oldest sister Connie had a date.

So Butch was hanging around the bathroom
watching her get ready to go out. As it happened
the bathroom door was partly opened and he
saw Connie insert a Tampax.

He was a chubby, stocky little kid with white
curly hair and dimples, and he walked around like
he owned the house —real sure of himself.

So he goes into the living room where Connie's
date is sitting on the sofa waiting for her.
And Butch says, "Connie'll be with ya in a minute,
she stickin' a candle up her butt."

Here's remembering childhood, great stories and
the early 60s with Bobby Vee........


sCn3gG3jATA

[AtLast]

A little donor baby (she was about 9 at the time) I know (now an adult) and her little brother (was 5 ) were having a discussion about when they grew up and had kids.

Her brother said, I want a white donor for my baby.

She said, Bob, (not his name), you, idiot, you ARE a white donor!

About a year later, one of their original lesbian parents was transitioning (FtM). Obviously, this was a family in which everything was just talked about openly, including transitioning variables. So......

One day while with her Dad, they were at a fast food drive-thru and had been talking about Dad's transition previously. Right when the the fast food cashier came on the speaker to take the order, she yelled out... Dad, when are you going to get a penis?!
Out of the mouths of babes....

[tiggs]

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third bloke, Fred, says nothing.

After a while, Bill turns to Fred and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control have you got?"

"I'll tell you," Fred replies. "Just the other night my missus came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

The other two were absolutely amazed. "What happened then?", Joe asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!".

[tiggs]

No Sex


A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"

"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

[tiggs]

Butt Measurement


A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

[BestButchBoy]

WrjWtPhO54s&feature=related

[BestButchBoy]

Outtakes from one of the funniest shows...

5XANZCrWmP4&feature=related

[Gemme]

SsWrY77o77o

[Jess]

Guilford County NC

"teach the children well..."

http://images.ibsys.com/media/200X150/24566108.jpg

[Jess]

organ ic veggies??

http://www.wane.com/dpps/news/strange/pea-plant-found-growing-in-mans-lung-ob10-jgr_3539596

[Medusa]

All:

This is a general reminder to be careful in this thread when posting humor that might skate the line of offensive, ok?

Thanks.

[TenderKnight]

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[Jet]

ha ha


http://i333.photobucket.com/albums/m369/twocoronas/funny.gif

[Jet]

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One,
You don't even have to like 'em


We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car.

lmao.........

[Ms. Tabitha]

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. ... A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it !