Friendship Survey

[Ginger]

I wasn't sure where to post this—I don't think of friendship as a "fluffy" topic,
and it doesn't really belong on the "lifestyles" shelf.
This seemed the best placement, if only by default.

This Friendship Survey is a departure from what is more often, on the site,
a focus on what kind of romantic or sexual partner we are and want.

Instead, the focus here is what kind of friend we are and want.

And who knows, in an indirect way, it might help people
hook up with each other. I know for me, the kind of friend a person is,
tells me what kind of partner she might be.

Of course, it's also just another excuse to talk about yourself.
Or to go off on one point that the survey triggers,
and ignore the rest.

(It's long—so feel free to just pick the items that "speak" to you.)

All good, IMO, as it builds reflection, and I for one,
need that right now.

:goodluck::goodluck::goodluck::goodluck:

Friendship Survey


Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

4) Are finances a consideration?

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

6) Participating in team sports

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

8) Shopping

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?



:onebutch::1femme::waitinggirl::mountie::walking-poodle::scooter::indiangirl::guitar::bellydancer:

[aishah]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? depends on the friend :) i have a lot of friends who don't live close by, so i see them once or twice a year, maybe a little less. friends i live near, i tend to see weekly or every few weeks depending on our schedules. sometimes more often :)

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? pretty frequently...i use facebook to stay in touch with friends a lot (because i have support groups there with people i'm close to and only see in person infrequently). i'm pretty comfortable with skyping and emailing. phone freaks me out a little but once i get really comfortable with someone i'm okay with talking on the phone regularly :)

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? again, it depends on the friend and activity. i don't have kids but i like kids and i'm totally comfortable being around them. so i'm cool with friends bringing their kids, or not bringing their kids :)

4) Are finances a consideration? yes! i like doing activities that require money, and i love going out for dinner or whatever, but i also don't always have money and a lot of my friends don't have money either. so it just depends on the friend. most people i hang out with, we're comfortable enough with each other to be like "hey, i can't afford to go out for coffee this week, can we have coffee at our house instead?" so i'm really flexible where that's concerned.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? yes! i love going out but will only go out a lot with friends who are sensitive to the fact that i can't go places with lots of stairs, or that if we go drinking/dancing there needs to be a place to sit down and keep stuff...like one of my friends will usually sit and drink and watch our stuff while i'm dancing with other friends, etc. i also can't stand up for long periods so some activities like shopping marathons are hard for me. and i don't drive right now so i'm lucky that my friends are considerate about either finding me a ride or making sure things are walking/bus-ing distance. i have a lot of friends who are vegan so we cook at home instead of going out to restaurants, or who are in wheelchairs so we have to make sure wherever we go is wheelchair accessible, etc. so i'm used to collectively making access happen :) to me it strengthens a friendship.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? not really - i work from home and my hours are super flexible right now.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? because of my health issues, last-minute stuff is really hard for me. i rarely have the luxury of being spontaneous. usually when friends text me at 5pm and are like "hey, wanna go to this bar at 7pm?" i'm like...can't do it tonight. i need advanced notice most of the time.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? i can be friends with anybody :)

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? yes. the only time that's really been an issue is when someone disrespected my partner and treated them like shit...then i cut that person off. but i have friends who don't get along with my partners.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. i have a friend i've been close to for several years and she didn't like the way some of my other friends interacted on facebook, and she can just be really overbearing and a bully sometimes. since i don't always take her side she's been quietly cutting me out of important parts of her life where i used to be included. it sucks and it hurts, but i'm probably better off now. i maintain (loose) ties with her because we have a lot of mutual friends, some of whom i work with.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. i don't think i've ever completely cut someone off, but i've had friends who i was really close to that i've become a lot less close to over the years because they don't accept certain things about me (like the fact that i am queer). i don't completely cut them out of my life because i love them, but at the same time i don't spend as much time around them because it can be toxic.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? it depends on the situation and the friend. ultimately i think it's up to them to choose when/how/in what way they want help. so i can provide emotional support and understanding but i'm not going to try and push or force them into a situation. if they've made the choice to recover i would respect their recovery needs/whatever path they choose. for example, for me, i have had struggles with certain substances and i love the na environment but i have never felt fully comfortable there for certain reasons. however if a friend chose that path i would support them and make safe spaces for them to hang out without being around substances. at the same time, if that recovery environment isn't what they need i'd support them finding a different environment and respect their decisions.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? i would support them emotionally and help them find resources to stay safe and take care of themselves. i would also respect their decisions about how they want to handle the situation.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? again, depends on the situation... :) if they were open to polyamory i'd be willing to give it a try, but otherwise i'd probably just be honest that i have feelings towards them but i want to remain their friend and respect their relationship, so i'm not going to act on those feelings.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? same thing - be honest about the feelings and if they are interested in exploring that and also have romantic feelings towards me i'd give it a shot, but if they're not, i'd respect that and not act on my feelings :)

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? depends on how annoying the habit is and why they have it in the first place...? normally i wouldn't bring that up because there are very few things that annoy me THAT much that it would be worth trying to make someone change.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. probably the situation above re: friends cutting me off/me cutting them off. the friend who is cutting me out of her life...really, part of it is about outgrowing each other. we're just moving in really different directions and don't have similar values/priorities anymore. i don't think it's important to be really similar in every friendship, but in this one it was.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 15 years. we met in 4th grade. we've gone through periods of being really close and not being really close (due to distance, lack of time, whatever.) but we just have a bond with each other where even if we haven't seen each other in a year it's like we can pick up right where we left off :)

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? yes...i'm friends with almost all of my exes. i don't have a philosophy about it, that's just how it is, hehe :) we were friends before we got together and remained friends after we broke up. in one case, for a long time, he was probably my best friend in the world (and is still one of my closest friends). us being in a relationship was a total mistake, though...we're much better suited as close friends.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? i find casual/unattached sex to be really difficult sometimes, so it depends on the person or the friendship. i tend to shy away from "friends with benefits." but i'm not completely against it.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? i don't expect a friend to make a lot of time for me or check in with me all the time. i mean, i expect them to be there if i need them, but the level of emotional/physical commitment is much different. with a romantic partner, i expect to spend more time with them and they're usually the first person i call if i'm struggling with something.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. 16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. i've supported several friends through severe emotional struggles (eating disorders, self-injury, suicide, etc.), and they've supported me and been there for me, too.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? someone who likes to argue a lot or turns every problem in the friendship into an argument...i would rather figure out what the problem is and how to fix it. i don't deal well with anger or combativeness as a first response. same goes for romantic relationships.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? not really sure how to answer this :) i'm a pretty accepting person.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? not important at all...i have friends who are 15 and friends who are 60 (i'm 24).

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? totally unimportant.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? sort of important, in the sense that...it doesn't matter to me if our situations are similar but that the person is understanding about my situation and i am understanding about theirs.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? totally unimportant. although i need them to accept that i'm very religious. (i don't care if they are.)

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? see "economic situation." i find i tend to bond more closely with folks from similar class backgrounds but as long as there's acceptance/understanding it doesn't really matter that much to me.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? not important :)

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? not applicable.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? not applicable.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. i would love this if it were single and/or available! i had a fun time with friends at a queer muslim retreat recently where we did single/available speed dating. i'd go with a friend to a singles event and support them but i often feel awkward at singles events being the poly person.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors depends on the activity. i can't do hardcore hiking, biking, running, etc. but i've had fun hiking with friends on easy (paved) trails. i love swimming and dancing alone or with people. doing yoga classes and stuff like that can be fun together too.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater yes to all of the above :)

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else i'm more of a tabletop gamer, which i LOVE doing with friends, but sometimes also computer games can be fun. i don't really play video games that much but my partner is slowly getting me into them...i prefer stuff like mario kart or jeopardy as far as video games go, not the violent ones.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV not a big sports fan.

6) Participating in team sports i can't play most team sports. i'd go and cheer them on though :)

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) yes to all of the above!

8) Shopping depends on the situation...when i have money it can be fun. when i don't have money, not so fun, hehe. also as far as clothes/shoes go, because of my sizes i have to order stuff online a lot and shopping in stores can be frustrating. and shopping marathons are hard on my body. thrifting can be fun though. or grocery shopping together.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants yes and yes! i LOVE cooking. and eating out :)

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals all of the above, depending on how physically accessible it is :) i love going on trail rides and almost never get to ride horses so that's fun to do together. i like fairs and stuff too. i haven't done a lot of bird watching or anything but i'd be open to trying it :)

11) Other making art together! taking art, dance, or writing classes together.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? can't think of anything.

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? no idea.

[Apocalipstic]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? Some friends several times a week, some every month or so, some once a year, some less. It really varies.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
I text kisses and thinking of your's the most, email some, phone every now and then, have never skyped.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
I have no children per say.

4) Are finances a consideration? Yes, money is tight.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? I have some limitations yes. Allergies, asthma and some mobility issues. Depends on day.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? Yes, I work full time Mon thru Fri and sometimes travel for work, sometimes on weekends.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? I like impromptu fun stuff, having to make plans too set in stone in my free time stresses me out. I like to hang loose and play by ear.

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? I have many Butch and Femme friends.

2) If your partner did’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? I don't have a partner

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. I take breaks when I get stressed out.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. Nothing dramatic, more drifting in and out.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? Depends on how they act around me. Not my business really. I can't be around hard drugs and don't enjoy out of control behavior. I will not be aorund it.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? People usually know they are abused, and mentioning it to them has never worked out well...but I would anyway. I would help however I could if they nedded me.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? Focus on how important the friendship is and keep it to myself.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? Depends on the friend.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? No, and I would prefer if they not tell me about mine.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. Again, people drift in and out for different reasons. Negativity and telling me what I should do make me back off.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? My closest old friend I have known for 20 years, but I have friends I have known for 40 years or more. Sometimes it's hard and we may hang out less, but it comes back around.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? Yes, I am very good friends with several of my exes. I have never been in a relationship with anyone I think is a bad person. We may not have worked out, but the friendship is still valuable.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? Yay :), but can be difficult to pull off.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? I expect way better behavior out of a romantic partner.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. Helped a friend return to the US who had moved to another country with a girl and things did not work out.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. Giving me a place to live, no questions asked, when I needed it. Came and got me when things were bad.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? I take breaks from people who stress me out more than actually end friendships.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? If my love is deep, most of them.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not at all

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not at all

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not at all, as long as they respect my situation

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not at all, as long as they honor my beliefs

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not at all

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not at all

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? N/A

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? N/A. I do however, enjoy most of my friends kids and love hanging out with them.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. Single events scare me, they seem to imply I am looking to hook up. Too much pressure.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors. Would love someone to walk and or swim with.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater LOVE film!

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else. I will play Rock Band and Farm Town. Lol. I will hang out if a friend enjoys playing, but I am horrible and dislike being goaded into actually playing. My nephew says "Aunt Jenny, you are really bad at video games"...

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV. I am not into sports, but it can be fun to go to live games to watch the crowds and cheerleaders. Football on TV puts me to sleep.

6) Participating in team sports. No. I am secret weapon for the other team. SO not athletic.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) Yes please!

8) Shopping. Sometimes, depends on how they shop.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants. Yes please!

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals. I don't like crowds that much and am allergic to horses, rabbits, hay...but I love dogs.

11) Other. I love to hang out at pool and hang out at home and talk and listen to music and just hang out lol

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? Nothing, but I do want to add that I am a Southern Girl and prefer my friends keep their opinions to themselves or talk behind my back rather than giving me their opinions about my life unless I ask them. I can be elusive, hard to pin down and enjoy my time alone.

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?
No, I think your questions were pretty neutral. :)

[thedivahrrrself]

Friendship Survey


Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
Many of my friends live a couple hours away, so usually once a month I see my bestie. My in-town friends, sadly between school and work, don't get a lot more time than that.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Twice a week, unless he/she is a texter, then like every day.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
If they have children, I suppose it would be. I like doing kid stuff, but I don't like taking kids shopping.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Nope

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Not for me

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Yup, I work weird hours, and go to school most weekends. Kinda limits my social interaction time.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
I love last-minute planning. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. Unfortunately, significant others don't seem to like this much, so I'm learning to schedule things in advance.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
LOVE my butch friends! Most of them are not that much fun to shop with though...

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Depends on the reason they didn't like them.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
I can't really think of one, recently. My best friend when I was younger was a gay man, and he cut everyone out of his life to go start a new one.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
When I found them to be dishonest or mean, or disrespectful of my time (she stood me up for get togethers multiple times, very last minute, with no good excuses). I don't have time for people who aren't truly good people in my life.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
This rarely ends well. I tend to say something, they tend not to like the fact that I noticed. And BTW "substance abuse problem" does not mean just using something, it means an actual problem.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
If it's a very close friend and physical abuse, if I'm honest, I'd probably threaten to kill the abuser. I've never been in a fight, but I'm a fierce ally if I love you.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Distance myself until they went away.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
If I was single...Pine.
LOL I don't make first moves.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Probably, though he/she may or may not change it.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
I used to be more interested in having many friends rather than good ones, and as I grew up, I outgrew several friends as my standards got stricter.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
23 years - when we get together, it's like no time has passed at all, though it may be years between our visits.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
No, I'm trying to maintain some semblance of a friendship with my longest-relationship-ex, but I'm really not sure how people make this work. If you can, bully for you!

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
Nice in theory, doesn't usually work.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
I expect my friend to be probably more loyal and more brutally honest than a partner, but then again maybe that's just my experience with partners...

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I drove across the state to pick up a friend after her boyfriend beat her, and yes, I did threaten his life (hence my answer in question 6).

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
I have some of the greatest friends in the world. My bestie has been there listening to every problem I've ever had, knowing how to cheer me up is one of the most difficult things I think a friend can do, and she always knows how to make me smile, no matter how sour my mood.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Dishonesty, drama addiction, snottiness.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
slightly judgmental, know-it-all, shopping addiction :)

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
not at all, most of my friends are significantly older.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
intelligence level is more important than education level. i'm over-educated anyway.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
as I get older, I realize that this should probably more important than it is. I don't necessarily mind, but it can suck to always be the one footing the bill for your friends.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
not at all. (but no preaching)

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
I'm not sure what my class background is...LOL our socio-economic status changed a lot. I don't get along well with really spoiled people.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
not at all

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
n/a. my dogs will probably not like you, at first. Just FYI

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
If I have to drive somewhere for a weekend trip, the chihuahua is probably coming. Get used to it. :) and be glad I left the hairy one at home.

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
meh...if that's what ya wanna do, ok...

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
very, I ♥ walking, even if it's not for "exercise", I walk a LOT.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
can be fun

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
not required, but I have a Kinect, and the Star Wars game just came out I'm just sayin'....

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Not important. I like women's sports. I hate the NFL. I will only do that crap for a partner.

6) Participating in team sports
I suck at all sports, but I have heart! (dodgeball or bowling preferred. please don't make me catch a ball or swing at anything. it's not likely to happen)

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
YES! please be geeky.

8) Shopping
Important, though I understand if this is not your thing. Must have good taste in shoes.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
I love to eat. I'm learning to love to cook, so bear with me on that one.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
I dig the zoo, I'll probably stick to the rides at the fair. I live in Oklahoma, I've seen enough cows to last a lifetime, thanks. I ♥ the dog park. I'm probably not a good birdwatching companion. I'm a terrible fisher(wo)man, so you'll have to bait my hook.

11) Other
"Other" is very important. Must be an "other" :tease:

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

Geekiness - must like at least one of the following things:

Science (astronomy/physics earns you extra coolness points)
History
Technology
Star Wars/Game of Thrones/Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (bonus points for all three)

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

Yes, it made me immediately think of shoe shopping after I read that.

[Ginger]

From Aishah!

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. i would love this if it were single and/or available! i had a fun time with friends at a queer muslim retreat recently where we did single/available speed dating. i'd go with a friend to a singles event and support them but i often feel awkward at singles events being the poly person.

Aishah, I never thought about that, how it would feel to be poly at a singles event! You just opened my eyes. Your whole survey was so thoughtful.

[Ginger]

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Not important. I like women's sports. I hate the NFL. I will only do that crap for a partner.


Diva your whole set of survey answers is so full of humor. I had no idea you were so funny—and so honest, too!

:)
Scout

[Ginger]

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? Nothing, but I do want to add that I am a Southern Girl and prefer my friends keep their opinions to themselves or talk behind my back rather than giving me their opinions about my life unless I ask them. I can be elusive, hard to pin down and enjoy my time alone.

Apocalipstic, this part is so interesting to me, a glimpse into what you identify as your Southern values. I had never heard it expressed that way. So fun to read your answers!

Scout

[clay]

awesome survey, Island Scout.....my only "concern" is that the replies are all in small and same color font as questions...so I had to forego reading them as they are so long and so small to read....(I have "old" eyes)...lol...carry on

[Ginger]

awesome survey, Island Scout.....my only "concern" is that the replies are all in small and same color font as questions...so I had to forego reading them as they are so long and so small to read....(I have "old" eyes)...lol...carry on

Oh Clay I'm sorry you're having a hard time reading this! I don't how to fix that...

I know it's really long, and I tried to encourage people to just answer the few that interest them, if they like. But so far people have really taken it on in its entirety!

Thanks for writing and Hi,
Scout

[thedivahrrrself]

Oh Clay I'm sorry you're having a hard time reading this! I don't how to fix that...

I know it's really long, and I tried to encourage people to just answer the few that interest them, if they like. But so far people have really taken it on in its entirety!

Thanks for writing and Hi,
Scout

Oops, too late to edit and change the color of the answers. My eyes are not that great either, you'd think I'd be more considerate.

[nycfem]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

Maybe once or twice a month if local and once a year or every few years if not.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

Never Skype, sometimes email, love to talk on the phone if it's someone who can get off when one of us wants without any awkwardness, like the way I talk to my mom (several times a day but often about nothing and sometimes for hours and sometimes just a few minutes).

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

No, not even dog care. I have cats. Purrrfect!

4) Are finances a consideration?

No, if one of us or both of us does not have or want to spend money, I love to walk or sit in the park.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

No. I would hope to always make every accommodation possible for anyone's health or accessibility issues.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

I work a school schedule and take some classes in the afternoon / evening sometimes. I'm free right after school so sometimes it's frustrating to have an evening plan on a week day and have the "wait" time in between.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

I enjoy planned or last minute activities.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

I have both, and let's not forget the FTMs :)

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

If it's very important to my partner, I would not. If it's not important, then I would. BB and I frequently have separate friends, and we don't mind that.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

She got romantically involved with someone more conservative/mainstream and not BF identified and became pregnant, and we just veered in different directions. I think I subconsciously "tested" her by becoming particularly difficult. Subconsciously I think I wanted her to say, "I love you unconditionally. We'll get through this." I also wonder if I was being difficult because subconsciously I wanted to push her to end our friendship. In any case, when she did end it, I went into a grieving like the end of any longtime love, platonic or otherwise. My heart still has pangs.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

She had a mean streak and wasn't there for me during an important time in my life. I wasn't able to talk to her about it or to let it go. I just distanced myself gradually and she took the hint. She was actually a rebound close friend from the one I described above. I remember when we met I told her what happened with the friend I described above and she said, "I'll be your new BFF." I thought, "Wow, how easy!" But of course, friends can't be replaced. Such a silly idea.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

I tend to stay quiet about it unless it is glaring or help is asked for.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

This is always difficult for me. How much to say, how much to keep quiet. It's so hard. I have a few close friends in abusive relationships, and I guess I just play it by ear.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

Since I'm partnered, clearly the answer would be a foursome. Just kidding, but my mind always leans towards the perverse.


8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

My friendships are deep, and I often have romantic thoughts about friends. I am also a flirt but in a monogamous relationship, so that is as far as it goes.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

I don't think it's worth telling someone to act different just for me, so usually just ignore it. Maybe if it was really getting to me, I'd hint or bring it up directly.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I had a gay male friend who was off his rocker, tremendously difficult to deal with, but had a lot of strong points (Don't all gay men!). Finally, I just couldn't take the roller coaster and got off. Sometimes I regret it but mostly I'm relieved.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

I have a friend, Lisa, who I used to walk to kindergarten with. She'd stay home if I was not going. Even though she ended up staying in small town Ohio, marrying a man, and having kids, and generally leading a much more conservative lifestyle than me, we somehow continue to share memories, humor, and love. Our friendship held. She has breast cancer, and I will fall to pieces if I lose her. She and her kids might visit this summer, and I visit them when I go to Ohio. There is nothing like an old friend.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

I have light friendships with exes, and that's how I like it! No contact or very casual contact is what works for me.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

N/A, in a monogamous life partnership with my husbutch

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

I take both very seriously. If I have an issue with a friend, I bring it up. Get ready to process.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I let a friend move in with me when she was going through a nervous breakdown. I've given money I don't have. I'd do anything for my real friends.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

He got me a job at his workplace when I was hating my job at the time.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

I think its individual. Sometimes I'll deal with a lot of shit that someone puts out if there are some key aspects that I groove on. I'm not fond of liars. And I expect you to have my back.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

Narcissism.

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not at all.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not at all.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not at all.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not at all.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not at all.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not at all.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? N/A

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? N/A


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. N/A

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors: VERY much! Love to go on walks.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater: Love this too!

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else: Prefer board games.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV: Ugh.

6) Participating in team sports Ugh

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) If it's something cultural that I'm really into. I'm pretty picky.

8) Shopping Not my thing.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants: Sometimes.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Doesn't sound like my thing.


11) Other: I like to go to the park and sit on a blanket with a friend. Do art, play games, have a picnic.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

What quirks do I bring to a friendship?

I like to do things while I'm talking to you and it doesn't mean you're not interesting. I like to do crafts at all times, stuff I can do while still listening, bonding with you. I'm just weird like that. Don't take it personally.



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

I don't think so.

[tazz]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
seldom

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
at least once a week

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? nope

4) Are finances a consideration?
yep

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
nope

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
yep

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
once in a while i do last minute planning.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
it's kewl

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
yes

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
when they decided not to contact me anymore

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
if someone finds it takes too much energy to be my friend, i don't want them in my life. i'm worth it~and i don't take up all that much energy.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
not sure

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? been there done that... they are grown ups and can take care of themselves. i'm not a counselor.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
keep it to myself, it's no one's business. write about it in my journal or tell my therapist. keep it in a file somewhere. you can like anyone you want... just don't act on your feelings.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
been there done that... now i keep my feelings to myself, or i share them with my journal or my therapist.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
no, it's part of her, and i accept her for all she is.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
we all evolve and change, and part of that change means that some friendships last a very long time, or a season.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
i have known my oldest friend for over 30 years and we do not stay in touch anymore. we are emotionally and spiritually on the opposite sides of the planet.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
nope. once things end, i put the nail in the coffin.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
nope. i wind up getting hurt.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
of course yes!

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? nope

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? nope

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? kinda

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? yes

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

6) Participating in team sports

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

8) Shopping

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

[nycfem]

Scout, we eagerly await your answers ;)

[LaneyDoll]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
Frequently.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Daily.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
Yes; I have children.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Yes, aren't they always? But I can have fun with little money as easily as I can with a lot.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Not typically for me; I am flexible with regards to someone else.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Naturally.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
Not usually, but I am ok with last minute plans.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I value friendships in all forms. I love to have friends that I learn from so another point of view is always welcome.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
It would depend on the reasons. If they did not like "that friend" because that friend was secretly hitting on them, bashing me etc, I would end the friendship.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
A friend once told me I was "getting a big head" and did not really speak to me much after that. It was actually ok with me, she did not really support my new ventures into the D/s lifestyle, although she was part of it.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
I will cut people off if they start draining on me emotionally; I have a lot going on and have plenty of room for all friends, but not friends who always have drama etc.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I tend to not befriend people who heavily use drugs, it is too risky since I have children.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I would be supportive but someone is not going to leave a bad situation until they are ready. If you push, you may lose them entirely.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Remind myself that we are friends and that my feelings are likely to be a crush based on some innocent behavior. It is never worth breaking apart a relationship-or losing one yourself.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
See above; I am in a relationship and I truly love who I am with-no one else can compare.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Possibly but more than likely not.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
I outgrew a lifelong friend from high school last year. She and I have different views and seeing who she has become saddens me.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
All of my life-she is my sister.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
Yes. They are mainly people I dated and we realized that we are friendship material not relationship material. I have one relationship ex that I am friends with but our participation in the D/s lifestyle causes us to be in the same space. Friendship with her and her girl is a lot better for everyone than hatred; especially when we have both moved on.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
I think that they are fine-as long as each person is clear on what is expected of them and for them.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
I expect my friends to accept me fully; I expect a romantic partner to be willing to compromise.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.


16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
Some friends once drove an hour out of their way (two ways) to rescue me from being stranded on the side of the road; it meant a lot since they were on their way out to eat with family.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Lying; cruelty; being drama filled.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
Most anything except those listed above.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
Does not matter; some of my fave friends (and my relationship) are more than 10 years in age difference.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
Does not matter; everyone can teach us something.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
Does not matter as long as they realize I may have to bow out of things sometimes due to lack of funds.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
Does not matter as long as they do not try to force their beliefs onto me.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
Does not matter.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
Does not matter as long as they accept my preferences.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
Does not matter, I do not always let my friends meet my kids,

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
See above.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
No appeal.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Sure

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Sure

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Sure

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Sure

6) Participating in team sports
I am not very athletic but I will go watch

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
Love!

8) Shopping
Love!

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
Love!

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Sure

11) Other
depends on what it is.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
I do not really see anything.



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?
No, but by now, everyone should realize that I do not really judge people. It was a fun survey.



:sparklyheart:

[ruffryder]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? not very often.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? same as above. FB is usually the form of communication with friends.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? not anymore. my daughter is grown.

4) Are finances a consideration? could be.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? perhaps if it is for them.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? yup.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? It happens planned or unplanned.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? they can be a good thing.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? most likely not because there would more than likely be a reason why.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. we didn't have the same views so I guess they felt we had nothing in common?

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. I don't like lying and drama.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I would bring it up so we could talk about it.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? Same as 5. I would tell them they deserve better, no one should be abused and I'm here if they need me. More than likely I would go off on the abuser. I don't like my loved ones being harmed.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? There would have to be a conversation about this as to why there are feelings.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? If I am single I would find out if they feel the same and perhaps take it to the next level if we felt the friendship wouldn't be broken. Ruined the friendship once and worked to our advantage another time. I think both people have to feel the same and not hold back.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? probably.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. I would say in high school and in my 20's and because I just didn't go out to clubs/bars as much as them anymore.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 20+ years. . and continued talking and staying in touch over the years.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? I do. I think space is needed for healing and forgiving before you can approach a friendship again.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? I've been there, done that. In my case It turned into more. I guess it can work depending on what each wants and expects.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? I have higher expectations when I'm in a relationship.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. I was their soft place to land when they needed an escape.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. Kept me sane and offered support and assistance.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? lies, put my life or one of my loved one's in danger, excessive drug/alcohol abuse, drama llama, it has stopped being a give and take relationship, find out they are talking shit.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? quirks, bad habits.. we all have them!


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? not very important

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? not important

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? not important

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? not very important

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? not important

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? not important

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? somewhat important

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? sometimes important


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you? Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater, Attending sports events or watching sports on TV , Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.), Shopping, Cooking, or eating in restaurants, Going to places with the kids, Swimming, Going to the beach, Sometimes clubbing, going to a lounge/bar to play pool.

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?


BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? Nope.

[Medusa]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

It depends. I have several local friends that I see about once a month but I am also good friends with several people I work with who I see every day. Most of my dearest friends live in other states so I see them once or twice a year.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

Every day. I often wake up to at least 1 or 2 Facebook messages or emails and talk on the phone with 3 of my really good friends almost daily. Sometimes we'll go for a week or even two without talking on the phone but it often depends on the ebb and flow of life. I text a lot as well. I don't make it a point to talk to people every day but it often happens organically.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

Not for me since I don't have any kids but it could be if I thought the friend who did have kids wanted to bring her kids to our "girls day out" due to lack of childcare. I might offer to pay for childcare in that instance.


4) Are finances a consideration?

Yes, but we don't start the conversation with "how much dough do you have". I am very frank with my friends about money as they are with me so we sometimes do things that don't cost anything if we're both broke and we sometimes will go all out on something extravagant. I always try to be conscious of knowing the situations of my friends finances so that I dont suggest that we go to Las Vegas if I know they're struggling.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

In the background it is. Like, I am not going to ask a friend who I know has trouble walking long distances to go hiking or something. Even for me, I am not going to be going somewhere that requires me to climb 40 flights of stairs in order to do the activity. (At least not without great pain)

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Yes. My work schedule is CRAZY. Like, I worked 13 hours today and that can happen almost any time and I often end up working on the weekends. My local friends know that I generally do not plan to do things on Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays because my schedule is stupid those days. I also generally do not go out on week nights unless it is a quick dinner in town.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

It does in the way that I have a hard boundary around last minute-type stuff being thrown in my lap unless it's completely unavoidable. Don't get me wrong, the occasional "Hey, when you get off at 5:00pm do you want to go for drinks?" is cool as shit but calling me at 9 o'clock on a Friday night and telling me that you need me to drive you to the airport at 5am because you just "assume" I have nothing to do or didn't plan your shit out will make me growl.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

The vast majority of my very close friendships are with Butches and Femmes and Transpeople. I do believe as well that we are all capable of having friends of varying gender presentations!

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

I am currently friends with a couple of people that my partner doesn't care for. We don't require of one another that we agree on the autonomous friendships of one another and I like it that way. The only thing that would change that is if the friend in question is disrespectful of my partner or relationship. At that point, they'd have to go.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

I had someone stop speaking to me over a perceived slight, something that they perceived me as having intentionally done to them to hurt their feelings. They were going through a hard time in their life and were kinda lashing out at me in a really unfair way over something ridiculous that I really had nothing to do with. I knew in the big picture that was much more about them than it was about me but it hurt. It was really frustrating because they were super unreasonable and childish during that scenario and seemed to completely disregard that I had never once been disloyal to them, had anything but the best intentions for them, or loved them deeply. It hurt like hell.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I had to let someone go for violating my personal boundaries and placing unreal expectations on me. I have the general expectation that my friends are going to manage their own lives and take personal responsibility for themselves and I had to cut a person off who expected me to be a surrogate wife and mother to them. They often placed crazy expectations on me about what I was "supposed" to be doing and then would shame me for daring to live a life that was not centered around their needs. I loved that person for a long time but had to let go with love and be thankful for the good parts and let the rest go.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

If it were someone like June and I thought she was on Heroin, I would fly up to Oregon and drive her ass to rehab myself and then I would kick Kat's ass for letting it go on.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

I would listen and make suggestions and try to encourage them to make healthy choices. And I would tell them my door was open when they were ready to leave. I've been there. That decision has to happen in the heart.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

I am so madly in love with my partner it would never happen but in a dreamland, I would want to tell Jackhammer and we would talk about it between us so that we could address the relationship issue that was causing it instead of addressing the residual attraction. And then I would take some space from the partnered friend.

Years ago, that was Jackhammer and I. We were both living with other people in dead relationships and loved each other in a mutually-silenced way that we never spoke of for 6 years. Eventually, we had to have that discussion and the rest is history.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

Wouldn't happen at this juncture.


9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

Heck no, we've all got our stuff. Now, don't get me wrong, if she liked to eat boogers I would definitely tell her about herself.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I had a friend who was kinda stuck in a really self-loathing, stunted place. I was doing a lot of work on myself and growing by leaps and bounds and that was a journey she could not take with me.


11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

My oldest friend is someone I have known since Junior High (25 years).
We email weekly, talk on the phone, and see each other about once a year (she's about 3 hours from here)

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

Nope. My exes tend to do really hateful shit during the breakups so I gotta keep my distance.


13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

Consenting adults should be able to do what they want.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

I don't expect my friends to fuck me. :)


15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I had a friend who was in a personal crisis for almost a year and was on the phone with her every single night for like 2 hours trying to help her get through her shit. I bent over backwards to make her feel included in my friendship circles and gave her TONS of my personal time and basically made her part of the family.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

I asked some key people to help me make this website happen and they showed up for the job and are still here.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

Someone with shitty boundaries and no personal responsibility. Liars, theives, and con artists also have to fucking go. Messy behavior in people with shitty black hearts who are mean as hell and who want to remain exactly where they are in their life (don't want to do better)


18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

Bossyness. Brattyness. Messy behavior in people with good hearts who want to grow.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? NOT

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? NOT

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? NOT

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? NOT

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? NOT

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? NOT

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Dont have any

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? I don't have any.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.: I'm not single.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors: I love any of this shit!

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater: YES!

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else: I like games!

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV: I don't like to watch sports but will attend them

6) Participating in team sports : Volleyball or baseball please!

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.): I'm all over that shit.

8) Shopping: YES

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants: Love it.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals: All of it!

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

It's pretty comprehensive!


BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

Nope!

[Ginger]

Scout, we eagerly await your answers ;)

OMG I completely forgot ME!! LOL

I'll get right on it!

:)

[Ginger]

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

I don't expect my friends to fuck me.



Ha, Medusa I loved your brevity and honesty and this one made me laugh out loud at work! :)

I also "heard" you about outgrowing a friend who was in a "self-loathing" place. I can be really, really hard on myself and I don't need to be around people who are even worse (at least I try to get out of it).

Scout

[LaneyDoll]

I knew I missed one; I accidentally answered #16 in the place for #15 and forgot to come back to answer after I made the correction...


15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I think it is hard to say when I came through for someone, they would be better equipped to answer that. What I see as day to day friendship, someone else may see as "coming through."



:sparklyheart:

[Ginger]

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? perhaps if it is for them.



Hi, Ruffrider. That's really a thoughtful response. I liked your survey's no-nonsense honesty. :) Scout

[Ginger]

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I would be supportive but someone is not going to leave a bad situation until they are ready. If you push, you may lose them entirely.


LaneyDoll, I know exactly what you mean because that happened to me. I had a friend who was in a bad marriage, and when he choked her during a fight, I came down hard on her, insisting that she leave, and she cut me off. About six months later, I reached out to her, and we started tentatively seeing each other again, but it isn't the same.

Scout

[Apocalipstic]

Oh my goodness, I forgot. I did cut off a friend after she started showing up coked out at 6am wanting to borrow my dog...but hope that someday we can hang out again sans massive cocaine and alcohol.

[Ginger]

[QUOTE=nycfembbw;598740]Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability


2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

Never Skype, sometimes email, love to talk on the phone if it's someone who can get off when one of us wants without any awkwardness, like the way I talk to my mom (several times a day but often about nothing and sometimes for hours and sometimes just a few minutes).

I had no idea you talk to your mom so much!



1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

I have both, and let's not forget the FTMs :)

Right!


3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

She got romantically involved with someone more conservative/mainstream and not BF identified and became pregnant, and we just veered in different directions. I think I subconsciously "tested" her by becoming particularly difficult. Subconsciously I think I wanted her to say, "I love you unconditionally. We'll get through this." I also wonder if I was being difficult because subconsciously I wanted to push her to end our friendship. In any case, when she did end it, I went into a grieving like the end of any longtime love, platonic or otherwise. My heart still has pangs.

This was painful to read. She's nuts!


6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

This is always difficult for me. How much to say, how much to keep quiet. It's so hard. I have a few close friends in abusive relationships, and I guess I just play it by ear.


My experience is that you are there for the friend, and speak your mind, but don't judge if the friend doesn't take your advice.


7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

Since I'm partnered, clearly the answer would be a foursome. Just kidding, but my mind always leans towards the perverse.

Ha Ha Ha you little pervie kitten!


8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

My friendships are deep, and I often have romantic thoughts about friends. I am also a flirt but in a monogamous relationship, so that is as far as it goes.

I didn't realize you're a flirt! I'd like to see that in action.


10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I had a gay male friend who was off his rocker, tremendously difficult to deal with, but had a lot of strong points (Don't all gay men!). Finally, I just couldn't take the roller coaster and got off. Sometimes I regret it but mostly I'm relieved.

yeah, it's never black and white, all or nothing; it's always mixed and you have to go by the proportional relationship.


11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

I have a friend, Lisa, who I used to walk to kindergarten with. She'd stay home if I was not going. Even though she ended up staying in small town Ohio, marrying a man, and having kids, and generally leading a much more conservative lifestyle than me, we somehow continue to share memories, humor, and love. Our friendship held. She has breast cancer, and I will fall to pieces if I lose her. She and her kids might visit this summer, and I visit them when I go to Ohio. There is nothing like an old friend.

I hope she will be okay.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?


14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

I take both very seriously. If I have an issue with a friend, I bring it up. Get ready to process.

HahAHa bring it on!


18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

Narcissism.


Phew!



What quirks do I bring to a friendship?

I like to do things while I'm talking to you and it doesn't mean you're not interesting. I like to do crafts at all times, stuff I can do while still listening, bonding with you. I'm just weird like that. Don't take it personally.


I totally get that.

[Ginger]

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
keep it to myself, it's no one's business. write about it in my journal or tell my therapist. keep it in a file somewhere. you can like anyone you want... just don't act on your feelings.



Tazz, I am thinking about this one. I so agree that we have feelings that flare up and it's not good to act on them—they sometimes go away, on their own, so why mess up a few people's lives because of them? I think that's wise.

I think if I were in a relationship and I really fell hard for someone, I would tell my partner, because it would be a wake-up call as to how much trouble our relationship was in.

But still thinking about what you wrote...

Scout

[Ginger]

I knew I missed one; I accidentally answered #16 in the place for #15 and forgot to come back to answer after I made the correction...


15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I think it is hard to say when I came through for someone, they would be better equipped to answer that. What I see as day to day friendship, someone else may see as "coming through."



:sparklyheart:



That's so true. Little things are ways of coming through that mean just as much, over time, as big things. And sometimes it's a "little" thing that can make the whole day seem better, or give you the boost you need to get through your day.

[Ginger]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

I try to go out with a friend or acquaintance at least once a week, usually on a weeknight. I work in NYC and live further out, and it’s easier for me to go out while I’m already in town. My whole social life is in the City. All the restaurants I like, all the readings are there.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

The phone—only if I have a pressing thing to talk about. Email—same. Skype—never tried it and doesn’t seem worth the trouble.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

No.

4) Are finances a consideration?

My main friends have about the same resources as I do. For a couple years I was friends with an older unemployed person and I treated him a lot. Likewise I’m comfortable dialing it back down if someone wants to go to a really expensive restaurant and I’m feeling more thrifty.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

Not for me, but for some friends, I don’t want to go somewhere really loud because we will have a hard time hearing each other.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

I get off work right at 5. That makes me want to meet earlier, rather than later, but people are usually okay with that.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

I’m fine with it, when it comes up.

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

I would have no problems being friends with a butch. I think it’s crazy to segregate butches and femmes, like some kind of fifties social model. I also get annoyed when all the butches are in one room and all the femmes in another. It’s okay once in a while, but sheesh, let’s treat each other like peers.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

Absolutely. And have. Nobody tells me who I can be friend with.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

I had a very good friend of about eight or nine years, who was in a very depressing marriage. For example once her husband demanded she go to a sex club with him for his birthday, and she was so beaten down, she agreed to go, though she didn’t want to.

Then one time, he choked her during an argument, and when I heard that, I insisted she leave him. I really got in her face and challenged all her reasons for not leaving, and upset her so much she cried, she told me, on the train home.

Then I got an email from her, saying she could no long be my friend, that I “didn’t know how to be a friend.” And when I saw her at an event a few months later and said, Hi, she looked right through me like I wasn’t there.

Eventually, I reached out to her and we see each other once in a while, but we avoid any “trigger” topics, so the intimacy, the confiding in each other, really isn’t there. I’ve been through a lot in the last year and especially in the last couple months, that she has no clue about, though we’ve been to dinner several times during that period.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I didn’t cut her off, but I had to take a break from a friend who sent a group email with two jokes, one about how dumb blonds are (I’m blond), and how dumb Texans are (my parents grew up in the Dallas area).

I wrote her and told her I was hurt, and that I would never send a group email disparaging her ethnicity, and her response was very superficial, kind of a generic “I meant no offense.” We’re back in touch now, acting like nothing happened.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

This happened and my friend’s ex and I found a rehab place that would take her insurance, and made sure (since the ex happened to be her boss), that she would get paid leave.

We then followed instructions from the counselor at the rehab place who told us to call her, one after the other, and say we’d cut off our friendship with her, if she didn’t go. Then we drove her there. She checked herself out early, and I don’t know how she’s doing now.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

I’d open the door for talking about it, and try to have some resources to point her toward. I learned my lesson with the friend who cut me off for insisting she leave her abusive husband, and I wouldn’t come on really strong about it.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

Keep it to myself, and maybe curtail the contact if it’s too frustrating.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

If I were single, too, I would just keep developing the friendship, and let the affection build until we couldn’t resist each other.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

No. People blow that shit all out of proportion.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I was friends with the brother of a dear friend who died, but then I realized the brother was a racist, and it stunned me, and I couldn’t be friends with him.

Oh yeah, and he has a bunch of my furniture and other things in storage (bentwood rocker, hand-woven rugs, etc.), and for years wouldn’t return my calls to get them back. I let it go, but I’m mentioning it here because it’s more evidence that I outgrew him—he’s a worse person than I thought, and just because he looks, sounds and walks like his brother, the friend I lost, he’s not him.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

I’ve been friend with Alex for almost 25 years. She lives in L.A. and I saw her every year or so when my sister lived in San Diego, but that’s slowed down since my sister moved. We talk on the phone, to catch up.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

My philosophy:

If you had a friendship while you were dating, but just couldn’t pull off the romantic thing (and it doesn’t exacerbate the healing of broken hearts), then why not be friends after breaking up?

But if you broke up because the interaction was toxic, it will continue being toxic in your friendship.

I have a friend in Provincetown who is an ex, but we hardly ever see each other. My main ex (10-year relationship), wouldn’t be friends with me because (I’m convinced of this, but could be wrong), her new partner was jealous of me. Another ex wanted to be friends with me, but wanted to hide it from her new gf—no thanks. My ex from college is a very dear, old friend. We don’t see each other much, but nothing big happens in our lives—a move, a death, a birth, a big work success—that we don’t let the other know about.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

I need romantic love, to enjoy sex. But I don’t think there’s a thing in the world wrong with friends with benefits, for others. In fact I think it’s a great solution for people who don’t have the time or energy to invest in a relationship but who don’t want to live without sexual experiences.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

I put up with a lot more shit from a partner than I would from a friend. And I’m just realizing that, as I type it.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I’m connecting a friend now with people who can help her find a job, and when another friend needed to get away from her family, I let her stay with me for several weekends. I’ve given and lent money, and been a good listener.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

An old, long-ago friend, a gay man, went away for a summer, and asked one of his friends, another nice gay man, and an acquaintance of mine, to call me and hang out with me once a week, and he did. I was going through a really lonely time, and he didn't want me to be alone. You never forget that kind of kindess.

Much more recently, a new friend who talked me through a particularly low point in my life is deep in my heart now.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

Religious orthodoxy or proselytizing, eats live octopus, has no indoor voice, just to name a few.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

Insecure about their work (I’m talking about creative work), always late, is terribly vain, that kind of thing. In fact these things are endearing, sometimes.

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?

Another further than 20 or so years in either direction and I might start to feel a generational disconnect.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?

Intelligence matters more to me than degrees.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?

As long as we can find a middle-ground in the way of restaurants we are both comfortable with, I’m fine with that difference.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?

I don’t have religious beliefs, and a person who bases a lot of major decisions on religious compliance—whether it makes sense to them or not—would probably not be compatible with me.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?

In graduate school, my lover was from an old-money WASP family in which the brother denigrated my educational background and another family member said I had no “recreational skills.” I never got their references, when they were name-dropping about schools, resort towns, camps and brands, and when I earned numerous merit fellowships that my partner didn’t get, well, that didn’t go over too well, with either her, or them. So I recognize class can estrange people.

Now, though, I’m older and have been involved with so many types of people, nothing fazes me. I can gracefully turn the tables on life’s various meanies, and from years of working in literacy in NYC, I’m sensitive to people who haven’t had my level of privilege, as well.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

I like talking about that kind of difference, it fascinates me. So that would be plus, if we were different in that way.

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

When I’m single, I think this is really fun. There’s nothing like comparing notes on the butches in the room, daring each other to say Hi to someone, etc.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors

Biking, hiking, walking.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

Movie theaters are fun.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else

I get sleepy just thinking about it.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

Maybe a Liberty game, but that’s about it.

6) Participating in team sports

You’re joking, right?

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

Yes, yes, yes.

8) Shopping

Really fun with a friend, especially if you have lunch before or dinner after. This is one of those things that is much more fun with a friend, than a lover.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

Restaurants, by all means.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals

Love all this stuff.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

It’s not what’s been left out, it’s what’s been put in. For fuck’s sake, this is a long survey. Whover made this up, Get a life!!

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

The emoticons are kind of a give-away. But I could be wrong.

[Ginger]

June wrote:

I like to be comfortable. I loathe events where there are a lot of people and porta potties.

I don't want anyone up my ass all the time, or vice-versa. My close friends know this about me and anyone coming into the circle gets advised that I am not an "everydaykeepintouchperson". But I'm there if needed.

I expect my partner to keep the recycling moving out of the house!

**********

June, You are cracking me up! And making a lot of sense. Fun to read, thanks! Scout

[Breezy]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

Some of them I see daily, some weekly, one in particular whenever he is in the state.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

Most of them daily.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

No

4) Are finances a consideration?

No

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

Not for me but if it is for them I go to them.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Oh hell yes. I work insane hours. Sometimes friends hear from sitting in the airport awaiting boarding to go wherever the hell the boss send me. I am "usually" supposed to be free on Sunday.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

Ah not so much. I cannot usually accommodate that kind of spontaneity.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

They are wonderful. Most of my friends are butch or FtM or butch gay men.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

Single now, but I'd be saying, um why do they need to meet your approval?
If there were inappropriate issues ensuing and I was partnered I'd be the first to drop the friend and not wait for a partner to feel uncomfortable.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

I was expected to take sides after a break up. I was expected to believe as gospel what one friend said about her ex who was my friend as well. When I did not she blew her stack, told lies about me and her ex and others listened and took her words as gospel. It was sad and painful but I had to let her go. I had overlooked this behavior of hers in the past and lied to myself about her never doing this to me, to us as friends. Reality became clear.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I was young, 23, in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I did not know how to leave. I did not know how to take care of myself emotionally and stayed way too long. He told me he was walking away until I found my way out but he'd be there afterward. He said he could not watch me go through it anymore. I'm glad he was there 2 years later.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

talk to them about it and realize I could not control it. I would tell them I am here when and if you decide you want help.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

I'd give them the local shelter numbers, addresses, a list of things to do to leave safely and keep the light on for them at home.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

Walk away.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

Walk away.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

Nah.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

N/A

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

23 years. We talk about everything. People say we sound like an old married couple and at time we do. He is my best friend.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

No ex's as friends. The endings were horribly dysfunctional. My present ex and I co-parent so it will need negotiating.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

I don't have any.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

They are one in the same with the exception of sex.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I took her 12 year old wild child off the street after she ran away and she lived the summer with us until she and her mom could get things worked out.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

He told me get out of the abuse. He walked away but was there after I left the abuse. I moved in for 5 months and recuperated.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

Drug dealing, killer for hire, pedophile, anger monster, physically or mentally abusive to me and others, stealing from my home or kids, negativity addict,
hacking my computer (in the bad sense), harming one of my kids or grand kids in any way shape or form, racism, bigotry and hate.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

White lies, being in the sex trades, messy (cluttered not dirty) home, handicap, no money not much money,

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not at all.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not at all

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not at all.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not at all.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not at all.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not at all.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Not at all without good reason.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? It's according to the situation.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

Yeah, sounds like fun.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
getting there.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

Yes.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else

Nah.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

Nah.

6) Participating in team sports

Nah.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

Yes.

8) Shopping

Yes

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

Yes

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals

Sure

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

No.

[Scuba]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
Depends on the friends and where they live. My local friends and I get together every weekend when possible. My friends slightly out of town I see about once a month. Friends WAY out of town I see about once a year.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Texting is my preferred method of communication and my local friends and I text often. Less frequently for those farther away from me.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
Always and of course….or they are invited along when the plans are not considered “adult” only plans.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Always and of course…I have no problem go to folks who can’t come to me because of this issue.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Always and of course…it’s always discussed to accommodate.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
All my friends, as well as myself, have a career or school going on so sometimes planning gets a little more complicated.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
Yes and both


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think people make WAY too much of these friendships and ALWAYS…let me repeat that ALWAYS assume that there MUST be something more involved when actually there isn’t. It really bothers me that folks do that. I am butch and have a lot of femme friends…friendship being the ONLY motivating factor in our time spent together.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Of course…this is my choice to make not theirs. And this road goes both ways. I won’t always like my partner’s friends and I don’t have to. The adult thing to do is just get along with each other and be nice.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
Dishonesty and gossip can facilitate the killing friendships…I’ll leave it at that.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
See above answer.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
If it’s affecting someone I love or me then I won’t keep quiet. Speaking up may not change things but it would be a complete disservice to me and those I love to not say anything. I took off the Superman cape years ago. The only person I can save/change is me.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
See above answer.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Leave it alone. We are human and things like this happen. We are not required to act on EVERYTHING we feel….just sayin. My actions define me and home wrecker is not an acceptable action in my world nor an acceptable definition of me.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
I always like to test the waters first to see if it’s mutual. If it’s not then I am more than ok with continuing to foster a really great friendship.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Depends...somethings are just not that important when it comes right down to it.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
Many of the folks I used to hang out with when I lived in the Midwest have gone their own ways and we have lost touch.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
My oldest friend is a guy I grew up with and went to high school with. We don’t talk often anymore but manage a nice drive by “hi” occassionaly…22 years of friendship.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
I do and it all depends on why it ended, how it ended and the strength and maturity of the people involved.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
Not my gig but have nothing against those that like those kind of friendships.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
The only difference is the deeper sense of commitment formed with a romantic partner.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
Being there for someone who voluntarily entered a Psych hospital. Spent a lot of days there and saw a completely different person walk out. I love it when good things like that happen.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
My friend Tim (no longer walking in this world) who supported me when I was at a low point financially in my life.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Dishonesty and distrust…in any form.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
We are perfectly imperfect…let’s pick our battles eh?


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Zealots need not apply

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Don’t have any can’t answer that

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? See above answer


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
Fun :)

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Fun :)

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Fun :)

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Fun :)

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Fun :)

6) Participating in team sports
Fun :)

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
Fun :)

8) Shopping
Eh…not so much

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
Fun :) Although I tend to be the designated taster/dishwaser

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Fun :)

11) Other – Whatever else we have in common… Fun :)


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? Completely had no idea so I guess not :)

[Ginger]

Breezy wrote:

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I took her 12 year old wild child off the street after she ran away and she lived the summer with us until she and her mom could get things worked out.

********

12-year-old wild child? Yeah, that is a REAL friend. She (the kid) was lucky to have you there—and not fall in with someold harmful.

:)

Scout

[Ginger]

Scuba wrote:

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think people make WAY too much of these friendships and ALWAYS…let me repeat that ALWAYS assume that there MUST be something more involved when actually there isn’t. It really bothers me that folks do that. I am butch and have a lot of femme friends…friendship being the ONLY motivating factor in our time spent together.

**************

I'm SO glad you wrote that. I agree, and we have a stronger community when we can friend whomever we feel an affinity with, regardless of class, race, age, etc. AND butch-femme status!!!!

:)

Scout

[Soft*Silver]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
depends on the friend. Some, once a month. Some every couple months. None weekly or daily.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Over the past couple years I have developed an anxiety about talking on the phone. I wont answer the phone and I sure wont call to chit chat. Sometimes, if someone is in trouble or a death has happened, or something of that catastrophic nature, I will call someone and talk to them on the phone. thank god for texting. All my local plans are made via texts. I have to talk on the phone for the store and it damn near kills me. I cant wait to earn enough to hire someone to take calls.

I love emails. I can say so much and it lets people read, and ponder.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
sometimes I babysit my nephews and nieces. So yes, its a consideration if I have them. Most of my same age peers think I am crazy babysitting. Sometimes I do too. But mostly its a nice way to have kids in my life and I get to send them home when my energy wears out.

4) Are finances a consideration?
sadly yes. Sometimes I dont have money to even go to the dollar movies. But friends who are friends will come here to sit in my gorgeous back yard and chat. Or we will hang out at the free museums. Or they pay my way in. And when I can, I pay their way in. Or I do something nice for them.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
we have gone to little shops and they have things upstairs or in the basement and I cant go. I also tire out very easily. I have had to go in wheelchairs a couple time, with people pushing me.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
it hasnt been but it is now. I am opening a store and my time is taken up with getting it opened, or de-stressing my body when I have worked it too hard. friends wanted me to go horseback riding the other day and I couldnt. And you know how I love horses!

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
Last minute get togethers are my favorites!


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I relate differently to butches than I do femmes. I can have friendships with butches but it is a friendship that acknowledges who we are. My friendships with butches are very different than my friendships with straight men. I will not flirt with straight men who are friends. I will with butches who are friends. I will flirt with FtMs who are friends. I never flirt with anyone attached, no matter what. Flirting can be part of friendship, if its acknowledged as a safe and comfortable thing to do. I flirt with some straight girls who are my friends, locally. However, I think they of all the groups, would be the one to push the playing into the range of possibility....

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? I think this is a question that has to be answered based on the persons and the situation. I was in a relationship where I loathed someone they were friends with. Best friends! I was forced to interact and deal with this person on a daily basis. She played us and drove a wedge between us. Everyone else could see it but my partner could not. It was never going to be a good situation so I left. I left someone I truly loved. But love and respect are two different things. And I couldnt give that to him because of how I was treated and I wasnt getting it from him either. So in this kind of situation, no. But, who I am with now, he has a best male friend that I see as a pervert. Nothing about him is likable regarding his morals and values. However, he treats me well, respects me and I do the same to him. We all go out together, he with his wife and me and chrissy. Would I ever be his friend if not for his tie to chrissy? Never! But he is a good person to chrissy and very nice to me so we all get along...

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. when I ended an on line relationship, the person refuses to speak to me now. He believes I was interested in someone else and that is the reason I broke it off with him. Not true at all. But he just wont hear it. So I lost a very good friend in him. Above all else, we were wonderful friends. And this has pained me deeply.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. She would not respect my boundaries about relationships. i didnt want one and she wanted one. I wanted a friendship. She wanted a romance. She would tell me she was ok with a friendship but made moves on me all the time. It got to the point where she was stalking me so i had to cut her out of my life. She wouldnt listen any other way. Again, a deep loss because I really liked her as a friend!

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I am a member of AA. I have offered to go to meetings with people but mostly I just shut my mouth and wait. People know I am in recovery and they come to me when they are tired of being sick and tired. They know I will be there for them. i dont need to push it on them

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
same as above. I use to direct domestic violence shelters so people know they can come to me if they need it. I see signs early on and sometimes I might say a thing or two but mostly, I just give time time. the exception to that is if the person is in danger. Then i speak up and hopefully,they will be ready to take action

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? this has actually happened to me. I said nothing. I gave no hint. I do not destroy relationships. I hae cheaters and I will not be a cheater.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? I am assertive.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? god yes

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. some people might say they never outgrow anyone. I guess thats the PC thing to say. But I know I have. People find a niche and thats where they like to stay, where their happiness and comfort is. I find I am always a seeker. I find things that make me happy, like forms of art, new types of gardening, new ways to express myself spiritually. I gather it, gain from it, then move onto other new things. I love to broaden my horizons. Not everyone does. Sometimes that is frightening/unnerving to people. Those are the people I outgrow. People who applaud my journey, stay with me, and I honor where they like to be as well. But those who deny me the right to move on, well, I have to let go.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?I have been best friends with my Yaya since the first day of first grade. Its been 49 years so far...

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? I am friends with several of my exes. And I dont speak with a few, simply because they just arent in reach. And a couple, I would rather never see again this life

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? never did this. Didnt want to back in the day. Might consider it now if I ever needed to

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? Oh, I dont know. Simple answer is they are they same but the partner is just a deeper committment

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. a friend's barn caught on fire. 29 of her horses perished. Many of them were pregnant. It was devastating. I was there with her, picked hooves and flesh from burnt ashes. I saw trauma in the remaining horse's eyes. I saw my friend's eyes...and hope I never peer into eyes like that again. I pulled together a donation list, where people could send in money and horse items. I helped her emotionally thru the worst first six months.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. that same friend allowed me to come sit under her apple tree in her orchard when my butch husband left me for another woman. I knew i was going to lose my farm, all my horses, etc. I couldnt keep the lights on if the water was on. My daughter's college fund was ever stolen.I had just had a major farm accident and wa experiencing a county wide hate crime against me as a lesbian. I wept under her apple tree for three days straight. She barely said a word. She just brought me ice tea and tissues...

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? a cruel nature of anykind toward anyone or anything. I dropped a coworker friendship because she was horrible to the wait staff whenever we went out to eat together. I mean HORRIBLE.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? too many to list. Just about anything as long as they are striving to be good people.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? I have 20 year old friends. And 80 year old friends. I am 55

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? somewhat. Not that I am an egotist, but I have alot of education and alot of life experience. Someone who isnt evolved in some manner, is going to get lost with me.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? N/A

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? I cannot tolerate the intolerants

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? N/A

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? you would be hard pressed to find someone I didnt get along with in these categories

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? my daughter, who is 28, has hated some of my friends and partners. It was a mess. She is a mess at the moment. She is not well, mentally and spiritually. I know she has affected me. and that affects my ability to relate to the world.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
when she was younger, that was a plus. But I am not into playdates anymore. I dont do things with people with kids. I am old and cranky and more of a baba yaga than a fairy godmother....hahahah...not really. But, I really dont tolerate nasty kids.

[Soft*Silver]

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. not at all

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors what constitutes exercise? Riding a horse? Yes. Running on a treadmill, no. Swimming in a heated pool. Yes. gardening, yes.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater yes

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else I play gnometown on FB. I cant believe I am even doing that. I hate electronic games. I do play Majjong. My electronic stuff is done in solitary fashion.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV again, if it has to do with horses, yes. I have gone with my family to watch my nephews play tag football.

6) Participating in team sports I am so non competitive. In fact, that is one of the strongest characteristics of mine., I wont compete for anything, affection, attention nor medals.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) love doing this

8) Shopping I hate malls. I love flea markets, little privately owned stores (like mine!) garage saleing, etc

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants yes

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals yes yes yes yes, YES

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? rituals. Me and my best friend have a ritual we do to commemorate life events. I can count on her to do it for me when something important happens to me. She just did it recently when I was working in my store that is about to open. I do it for her, and did it last when she closed on her house she just bought.



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? you're a femme? I didnt notice who even posted this...I just like filling out surveys

[Soft*Silver]

I need to say, that I have a dear friend on here, the Planet, who has always been there for me, thru thick and thin. He has believed in me and supported me and trusted me to a degree most people would not even of their dearest friends. I love him dearly. He has taught me so much about healing, and recovering and knowing limits and stretching to get past those we set for ourselves before we even know what they truly are. He has been my inspiration many times. My confidante. There were literally times I would not have pulled thru had it not been for him. Seriously...

I have been blessed with some wonderful people in my life. He is in the top three. I would give him a kidney! I wish I could do for him all that he has done for me. He knows who he is. Thank you, Sweetie. I do love and honor you. I am so blessed with you in my life...:bunchflowers:

[Ginger]

Miss Tia wrote:

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. a friend's barn caught on fire. 29 of her horses perished. Many of them were pregnant. It was devastating. I was there with her, picked hooves and flesh from burnt ashes. I saw trauma in the remaining horse's eyes. I saw my friend's eyes...and hope I never peer into eyes like that again. I pulled together a donation list, where people could send in money and horse items. I helped her emotionally thru the worst first six months.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. that same friend allowed me to come sit under her apple tree in her orchard when my butch husband left me for another woman. I knew i was going to lose my farm, all my horses, etc. I couldnt keep the lights on if the water was on. My daughter's college fund was ever stolen.I had just had a major farm accident and wa experiencing a county wide hate crime against me as a lesbian. I wept under her apple tree for three days straight. She barely said a word. She just brought me ice tea and tissues...

**********************

Oh, Miss Tia. I was captivated by your answers to the survey, all around—but these two answers, wow. Such a vivid experience, such a heart-breaking experience, and as a writer I just have to say—WHAT a setting. I see it; the trees, the horses, the ashes. It's so cinematic. But of course, it's not a movie, it's real, it's your experience. A tragedy and another kind of recovery. I loved it. Beautiful.

Scout

[yotlyolqualli]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
Pretty much, daily.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Depends on my mood. I can talk on the phone for hours with a friend and I am rather long winded in my writing... lol

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
No, but having that person open to having a tag'a'long or two, is a consideration.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Not really. If I'm low on cash and a friend wants to do lunch, I'll just offer to cook for us.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
It can be.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
My entire family and circle of friends are "the last minute" types.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think it's not only possible, but healthy. I like to have a diversity in my circle of friends. It gives me a different viewpoint and that is always a good thing.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
I would have to look at why my partner didn't like that person. If it's jealousy, then my partner and I have a problem. If it's just that the two of them don't hit it off, that's a different matter. In either case, I think that ending any friendship (unless your partner see's that it is an abusive friendship) is one step closer to being controlled. That isn't healthy for any involved.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
A friend took exception to my opinion on her parenting skills. Truthfully, I should have handled it differently, but also truthfully, I would never had done so, if I hadn't genuinely feared for the safety and well being of her children. The state eventually took all three children away, so I wasn't off base. Just wished I had handled it differently.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
Does more than one count? In my early 20's I was an emotional and spiritual mess. Everytime I would try and modify my behavior, every time I'd find my way back to faith, I would always be drug down by my circle of closest friends. We drank, partied, were promiscuous and dabbled in illegal drugs (speed for me). So, one day I realized that if I remained within that circle of friends, I would only fall deeper into that lifestyle. So, I cut them all off, though not completely. I simply stopped partying with them and going to them for advice. Eventually, we all went our seperate ways.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I would strongly encourage them to not indulge. Preaching though, gets you and them no where. I would suggest clean and sober friendly activites instead of high risk ones. IE: I wouldn't suggest bar hopping to a friend who is an alcoholic.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I think I would be more aggressive in this case, than in the one I just answered. I've not only seen the statistics, but I worked in an abuse shelter for women and their children. It takes, on average, at least 3 times of "leaving" the abuser, before the abused can stay away from them. Sadly, a lot are dead before they can leave that third time. I would offer support, a place to stay, even a place where she/he can come just to step away from it for a few hours every day.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Build up a huge brick wall between us that had a no trespassing sign on my side of it. I hated being cheated on and there's no way I would even allow myself to be tempted to cause that kind of pain for another person, especially a friend.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
Try and gauge how they are feeling, or outright ask. Instead of distancing myself without explanaton, I would do my best to be honest with that person about what I was feeling. Then, we both, or I could decide if our friendship could withstand a relationship and/or a break up. I'm a firm believer, however, in a relationship starting with a very strong friendship foundation.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Eventually, yes. When I first became friends with my ex, I noticed that she would feed her dog off of her spoon or fork. It drove me crazy and I spoke up about it right away. lol.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
I don't know if we can "outgrow" a friend. I do know that our paths can grow apart. My best friend from childhood was Twila. I met her in Nursery class sunday school. I was 3 and she was just turning 3. We were tied together from that day on. We were in the same grade at school, both attended the same Bible college, both went into the mission field. However, shortly after coming home, she became engaged and got married. I simply had nothing in common with her anymore. We still consider each other the best of friends, but we've both moved forward with our lives.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
39 years. We remained friends by simply reaching out from time to time and touching base with each other. We were together every day at school, then again at church, in the girls club at church, the youth fellowship at church and then the same Bible college. You can't have someone be a part of your daily life for more than 20 years, without that person leaving a strong imprint on the surface of your heart.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
Two of my ex's are friends now, although one, the most recent, is making friendship very difficult. My philosophy on this is that it IS possible to remain friends with an ex, it just takes time and committment and a mutual desire to remain friends.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
For me, sex is an expression of love. I could/would never indulge in sex, just for the sake of having sex.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
My partner will be my best friend, so I don't know that they differ entirely, but most definitely differ in intensity. Honesty is a prerequisite for both, an open mind and heart. I would expect my partner to be romantic with only me, but would not expect my friend to be friends with only me.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
Two occassions, one funny, one serious. Funny one first. A young lady that I attended bible college with was very shy, meek and timid. Lunch there was a "family" affair. The student body ate all meals together as a whole and this day was no exception. A young man who had a crush on said young lady, began teasing her about taking her piece of pie. She blushed and laughed and bent over it a bit. He pushed her face into it. Suddenly, it wasn't so funny for her, in fact it was embarassing and I saw her eyes filling with tears. That day, we just so happened to have been served spinach in a butter and vinegar sauce. I stood up, grabbed a handful of spinach and slapped it in the young man's face. lol. The faculty also ate with us and I was worried about a reprimand, but no matter what, I would do it again. My next class followed lunch immeidately, and this young man was also in that class. The assistant dean of students was the professor of that class, so I entered the classroom rather timidly. While the young man and I both, cleaned up the mess in the cafeteria, the young man had not had time to change his clothes. Anyway, when the young man walked into the classroom a few minutes late, the professor stopped speaking and sniffed the air and grinned and said "wasn't expecting retaliation, were you?" and laughed. No one ever said anything to me about it, but the young lady later came to me and thanked me. Said she had never been able to stand up for herself and was thankful that I had done so in her stead.

Serious. One of my childhood friends, moved in and out of our area frequently. When she was 17, she had been living in a town about 30 miles from where I lived. I hadn't seen her for nearly 3 years. On the day after thanksgiving, my friends mother was driving her to work and hit a patch of black ice and swerved into the path of a semi. Her mother was killed instantly.
I was babysitting at the time, and Mother came and got me, told me "Christols Mom was killed this morning, she's at her grandmothers and wants you to come in." As soon as I was able, I went. I was afraid. I was shy and was in that awful awkward stage of, "what do I say?" When I walked in and saw Christol, and she saw me, she through herself into my arms and just sobbed. She hadn't recalled the accident, but did recall finding her mothers body on the road and laying on it to keep her warm. It took 4 men to pull her off. She wouldn't stop crying and her brother and sisters were all crying, as was her grandmother. Finally, in a small tear shakey voice, Christol asked me to pray for her. So I did. I don't remember what I said, but when I was done, they soon stopped crying and began talking about good memories. Christol later told me that when I prayed for them, she heard her mother say, "I'm ok baby, I'm with Jesus." It doesn't take a lot to mean a lot to someone else. Just be there.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
When Mother died the loss was sudden and dramatic. The days folloowing her death are sketchy for me, at best. At her funeral, a friend who had been friends with me our whole lives, but hadn't really stayed in touch, was there. I don't recall a word she said or didn't say. All I remember was her taking my hand and leading me into the sanctuary for the service, after we said our last goodbyes to Mother. She sat beside me, my hand still in hers. When the service was over and we moved to the graveside, she stood behind me, still holding my hand. When the services were over, she hugged me tight, told me she loved me, she would miss "Aunt Sue" (Mother) and to call her if I needed anything. Then she left. I've never before nor since, ever felt that kind of agape love from anyone. I strive to be the kind of friend she was to me that day.


17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Illegal activites, dishonesty and "two-faced" behaviors and a desire to "control" me or our friendship.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
LOL, anything that doesn't involve the afore mentioned things. lol


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
As much as I tease about this in chat, I am an equal oppurtunity friender!

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
Education doesn't always mean intelligence nor is it an indicator of intellect.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
This is so not even an issue for me.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
Diversity makes life interesting. As long as they don't try and "convert" me, we're good! I like learning about new things.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
Pffffft. There are NOT many lesbian farm girl Mennonites around. If this were an issue, I'd be friendless. lol

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
Again, diversity makes everything more interesting.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
That doesn't factor into things with me. I spend time with my god children and family. I have no children of my own.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
This is a big factor for me. While I am not always in the presence of my god children, my god son specifically, I woud be hugely put off if someone refused to spend time with me when TT was with me. That would be a huge red flag for me.

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
Perhaps.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Would love this!

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Again, would enjoy this.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Not much into video games.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Football! :cheer:

6) Participating in team sports
I'll watch! lol

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
I would love this.

8) Shopping
Not a shopper.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
I enjoy both.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Would be awesome, except no spiders.

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
The kitchen sink? lol



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?
Not at all.

[Apocalipstic]

I am really enjoying reading these answers! :)

[Sparkle]

"I've got friends all over this country, I've got friends in other countries too. I'm got friends I haven't met yet, I've got friends I never knew." -ani

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

It varies wildly, I see my two (local) best friends often. My best Femme once a week, sometimes more depending on what is going on; but my best Bear works 2nd shift and has a very active dating life so I see him once every two or three weeks. I see my sister (who is probably my closest friend) about once a month. But I have very close friends who live abroad or on the "other" coast - and I may only see them once every couple of years.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

I text and/or email with my besties every day, my sister and I gmail chat and text and facetime chat daily, I text/email/facebook with close friends who live far away far less frequently - some weekly, some every month or two, some once or twice a year.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

Yes. For me it is actually dog care, it can be challenging to go away for a weekend or for day trips that are more than 8hours. And my friends with children have to do a lot of juggling in terms of time and competing needs and priorities, and so that often plays a role in what/where/how/when we spend time together.

4) Are finances a consideration?

Yes. Money is always a consideration in *what* we do, none of us are independently wealthy nor do we "come from money"; but it is not a consideration in terms of doing something together - we will all quite happily watch a dvd or eat leftovers or chat over a cuppa tea together.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Yeah, one of my besties works 2nd shift and I work pretty standard 9-5 hours so it makes it hard for us to see one another, except on the weekends and we both have so many other life obligations that 2-3-4 weekends can go by easily without seeing one another.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

Yes, often out of necessity and sometimes because that is just how some of my friends are. Myself, I like a teensy bit more structure and planning, but I do my best to stay adaptable and responsive, because I love them (and spending time with them).


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

Friendship is a human condition, any one can be friends with any one.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

Yes, with sensitivity and clear communication - but resoundingly yes.


3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

When my former partner and I split after a long-time, it was a messy ending. There was a group of people that I considered close friends, they felt that they had to "choose sides" because they were originally friends with my partner, and so they chose her. It made a painful break up more horrible and I remember feeling so adrift without a group of close friends.

(very) many years later my former partner and I have managed to come back around to a place of friendship, and I'm grateful for that.


4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I sometimes drift away from friendships but I rarely cut them off I don't view most relationships in absolutes. I have placed distance in some of my friendships though. One recent example was a friendship that went from "close friend" to "social acquaintance" status because she behaved in ways that were cruel and caustic and unflinchingly unkind and she was not at all sorry about it. I don't dislike her but I would never trust her enough to be close again.


9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

No. We all have annoying and harmless habits, I would try to find my way to loving that about her/him.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I had two friends in college, I call them my "naughty friends", we had a lot of fun and did lots of naughty things; I have some great stories from that time
but I've grown up and moved on and I don't really see a place for them in my life now, some of their core values do not match with mine (and never did).

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

My sister is probably my oldest friend and closest friend, so 33 years. We've managed to stay friends and become closer with every year by being loving and supportive to one another, by talking honestly and being open to having the hard conversations, by listening well, by knowing when the best thing is not to talk but just to 'be' there for each other and by laughing together whenever we can.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

Yes, I am friends with most of my former partners with varying degrees of closeness. My philosophy is that friendship should be the foundation upon which any romantic partnership is built, and if that was the case then there is often the potential to salvage and rebuild a friendship (down the line).

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

I think it is possible for that to work but I found it to be tricky and temporal.


15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

In my close circle of friends - this is what we do for one another, in little ways and big ways, all the time.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:


1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

None of these are important to me, my friends are an amazing spectrum of humanity and that is just the way I like it!

I think that it is more important that we similar in terms of our values.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

I like to go to events (concerts or exhibitions or performances or films) or to cultural institutions; I like swimming and sunning and kayaking and dog-walking with my friends. I love making a meal, a cocktail and having a catch up on our lives. But what we do is far less important than intentionally making the time to be together.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

Just two random thoughts about friendships...

I often think about how long term friendships are a lot like the tides - I think we grow closer and further apart in turn over the course of our lives influenced by any number of internal and external factors. I think it is healthy to acknowledge that and to be kind to ourselves and with our friends during those further away times.

And another thing that I find fascinating and miraculous is that there are some friendships that have this magical intangible connection that is real and close and exists all on its own, no matter the distance nor amount of time between seeing each other.

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

I don't think so. Do you?

[Mr Nice Guy]

Friendship Survey



Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
As often as they want to see me.
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Just the phone and mostly to make plans. I do a lot of texting.
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
No, none of my friends have kids.
4) Are finances a consideration?
Nope. I'm happy just hanging.
5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
No
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Yes. With relationships too. I have every sixth weekend off.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
I'm very laid back so I can go with whatever comes.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I've never been able to be a friend with a Femme. Trust me I've tried but it doesn't work. Either their partner gets jealous or feelings pop up. Which makes for uncomfortable situations and I'm not a home wrecker. :)
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Yes. It's my choice. Besides, my friends came first.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
I've never had that happen. Usually it's me because of their issues.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. My friend who dated my gf right after we broke up.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I would support them in any way.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I would kick some ass!
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
I would walk away after being truthful about why I needed space.
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
I don't have any Femme friends so I don't worry about that.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
I have no filter. I always speak the truth.
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
Never had that happen.
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 10 years and we work together.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
No, I have one that wants to but I don't want that. It would be hard and besides she's straight now.
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
Been there, done that
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
I expect my friend not to fall in love with me.
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
Made their car payment
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
Brought me to hospitable for surgery and made me meatloaf after.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Date my ex


18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
I like people for themselves. Flaws and all.
Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
It's not
2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
not important
3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
not important
4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
not important
5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
not important
6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
I'd rather gay friends.
7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
I have no kids.
8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
N/A

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
I love doing this.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors.
Outside
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
both
4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
both
5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Not interested
6) Participating in team sports
I can't. Bad knee
7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
concerts
8) Shopping
I like shopping
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
I can't cook but love to eat.
10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
All of the above.

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

Nothing that I can think of.

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?
Nope. I love Femmes. :)

[Ginger]

Yotlyolqualli wrote:

Serious. One of my childhood friends, moved in and out of our area frequently. When she was 17, she had been living in a town about 30 miles from where I lived. I hadn't seen her for nearly 3 years. On the day after thanksgiving, my friends mother was driving her to work and hit a patch of black ice and swerved into the path of a semi. Her mother was killed instantly.
I was babysitting at the time, and Mother came and got me, told me "Christols Mom was killed this morning, she's at her grandmothers and wants you to come in." As soon as I was able, I went. I was afraid. I was shy and was in that awful awkward stage of, "what do I say?" When I walked in and saw Christol, and she saw me, she through herself into my arms and just sobbed. She hadn't recalled the accident, but did recall finding her mothers body on the road and laying on it to keep her warm. It took 4 men to pull her off. She wouldn't stop crying and her brother and sisters were all crying, as was her grandmother. Finally, in a small tear shakey voice, Christol asked me to pray for her. So I did. I don't remember what I said, but when I was done, they soon stopped crying and began talking about good memories. Christol later told me that when I prayed for them, she heard her mother say, "I'm ok baby, I'm with Jesus." It doesn't take a lot to mean a lot to someone else. Just be there.


*******************************


Yotlyolqualli, I think you said it all when you say: "It doesn't take a lot to mean a lot to someone else. Just be there."

For me the worst feeling in the world, is being alone in a difficult time. It takes thoughtfulness to remember people need other people; not money, not tickets to shows, just sitting with them or picking up the phone. And yet, it's so easy to forget that. But the more we experience that kind of thoughtfulness, the more we integrate it into our behavior, IMO.

:)

[Ginger]

Yotlyolqualli wrote:

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I would strongly encourage them to not indulge. Preaching though, gets you and them no where. I would suggest clean and sober friendly activites instead of high risk ones. IE: I wouldn't suggest bar hopping to a friend who is an alcoholic.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I think I would be more aggressive in this case, than in the one I just answered. I've not only seen the statistics, but I worked in an abuse shelter for women and their children. It takes, on average, at least 3 times of "leaving" the abuser, before the abused can stay away from them. Sadly, a lot are dead before they can leave that third time. I would offer support, a place to stay, even a place where she/he can come just to step away from it for a few hours every day.

*************

I didn't know, it takes three times on average to leave an abuser, but that sounds right... your point about having a place to go to for just a few hours at a time is really smart, I hadn't thought of that but I can see how it's a good strategy for helping someone.

And ha! The kitchen sink! ;)

[Ginger]

Sparkle wrote:

Just two random thoughts about friendships...

I often think about how long term friendships are a lot like the tides - I think we grow closer and further apart in turn over the course of our lives influenced by any number of internal and external factors. I think it is healthy to acknowledge that and to be kind to ourselves and with our friends during those further away times.

And another thing that I find fascinating and miraculous is that there are some friendships that have this magical intangible connection that is real and close and exists all on its own, no matter the distance nor amount of time between seeing each other.

***************

I know what you mean about that connection that stays constant when distance and time fluctuate. I don't know what it is, that makes that happen. Maybe just core values? Very accepting personalities, so changes aren't a problem? I don't know.

***************

Sparkle wrote:

Yes, I am friends with most of my former partners with varying degrees of closeness. My philosophy is that friendship should be the foundation upon which any romantic partnership is built, and if that was the case then there is often the potential to salvage and rebuild a friendship (down the line).

***************

I feel EXACTLY the same way and tried to say it but you say it much better.

:)
Scout

[Ginger]

Mr. Nice Guy wrote:

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I've never been able to be a friend with a Femme. Trust me I've tried but it doesn't work. Either their partner gets jealous or feelings pop up. Which makes for uncomfortable situations and I'm not a home wrecker.

********************

That is so interesting, Mr. Nice Guy. You're the first person who said that, but usually when one person says something, it's true for others who don't speak out.

When you say, "feelings pop up," if you're friends with a femme, it made me wonder if you're talking about your feelings, her feelings, or both.

I have found that some very good friendships start with crushes that die a natural death when one side doesn't return the energy. But that's just in my experience.

:)

Scout

[Novelafemme]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? I see my best friend almost daily since we work together.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? I am so not a phone person. I do my best to reply to texts and phone calls.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? Nope.

4) Are finances a consideration? Not usually.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? Oh yes. During the semester I will generally be invisible until the weekend and even then it's hard to pin me down socially. I try to meet friends for lunch dates during my work day if I can.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? I am totally a spur of the moment girl. I love a last minute date!


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? The same as my other friendships. My best friend is a guy and we've never had a problem.


2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? It would depend on why. I generally see people through rose colored glasses so sometimes it takes a more discerning eye. She is very loving and non-judgemental so unless the person was crossing some serious boundaries, she trusts my choices completely. If she felt strongly about a friendship I would of course put her before any other relationship.


3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. Unfortunately, it has happened twice in my life, but both times were very necessary and mutually agreed upon. I don't regret our decision and wish them nothing but happiness.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. See above. People often want to put me into the friendship choke-hold and that just doesn't work for me.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I only experienced this a few years ago and it was truly a trying experience. I was socializing with people 5-8 years my junior and they were hard core partiers. Thankfully, I only stuck around for 3-4 months before wising up and making a break for it. If it were a dear friend I would be supportive but realistic. You can't fix someone's broken but you can encourage the necessary repairs.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? Get the hell out. Life is way too short.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? Has never happened and never will.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? Crushes are one thing. We all have them and 99% of the time they aren't at all sexual. Again, it wouldn't happen.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? Probably not. I'm not easily bothered by the little things.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. I've outgrown many of the friendships I made when my girls were babies. Mommy friends are a fabulous support when kiddos are little, but I've found we all somehow end up going our separate ways as the kids get older. Although I do have one mom group I've been a part of for 11 years now.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 22 years. And when we get together it's like we are 17 again. I love her to pieces.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? I have less than a handful of exes so I don't have a lot of experience with this, but I am friends with only one. It's taken time, patience and commitment on both our parts, but he is one of my nearest and dearest. We were very close before we became romantically involved. The others I have come to accept that I will never be friends with. And I am very ok with that!

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? Never tried it. Sounds messy.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? They differ in that I don't have many expectations of my friends other than that they be good, honest people with no ill intentions. With my partner I expect a whole different level of commitment, emotional and physical fidelity, and trust. Apples and oranges in my book.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. My bestie has been going through a really rough time lately. Just last night I was up late talking on the phone and texting with him so he could make the drive home feeling less anxious and upset. He's worth it. 150%

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. My wedding day. I had a make up crisis and my dear friend ran to the store for all sorts of make up requests just a half hour before the nuptials. Then she put it all on me. :) I was so grateful to her!

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? Remember that choke-hold I mentioned earlier? Ya, that! And being judgmental.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? Bossy, gassy, thumb sucker. Really...I'm not demanding!


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? -

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? -

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? -

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? -

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? -

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? -

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? slightly

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? i might have a problem if my kids were purposefully not included.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. Like a bar? This does not sound like fun to me at all.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors YES!

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater meh...

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else ish.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV meh...

6) Participating in team sports sure!

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) hell's ya!

8) Shopping yep!

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants yes, please!


10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals sure!

11) Other floating in the pool, listening to music and chatting the afternoon away.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? -



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? the thought never crossed my mind :) I am a sucker for a good survey!! ;)

[Ginger]

Novalefemme wrote:

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

My wedding day. I had a make up crisis and my dear friend ran to the store for all sorts of make up requests just a half hour before the nuptials. Then she put it all on me. I was so grateful to her!


*****************

This made me gasp. What a great friend, keeping a cool head in a crisis! Cool concise remarks throughout the survey and fun to read! And PS, your avatar pic is really glamorous, kinda Mad Men. Have a great weekend,

Scout

[clay]

FONT="Arial Black"]Friendship Survey



Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person
Visits vary...as most all of mine live quite a distance away...as in like few hrs. away or in another state!
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Very often..almost daily with some, weekly with others..and maybe monthly with others...
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
At our ages...smiles...none of us have that to worry about...there ARE perks to being "golden"....grinz...however, we most of us own a pet or two, or three...soooo finding quality, reliable pet sitters is sometimes a consideration, too!

4) Are finances a consideration?
Sometimes but isn't a huge deterrent....as each is considerate of the other's situations...smiles..

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Of course......is just the right thing to do...as with myself, I have limited mobility, can't do stairs at all, and I am extrememly considerate of others with any sort of mobility issue, and of course, one's health is a factor....sooooo...yes.
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Absolutely not...as I am now totally disabled (medically retired)...so am "ready to go at a moment's notice...grin
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
see answer above to #6

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
Twofold...in that I don't have friends based on gender ID....friends are friends based on how our souls and hearts fit one another. Secondly, I have many friends of all spectrums on the rainbow scale....I simply heart them all!!!
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Generally speaking, absolutely. Factors to determine otherwise would be the reason she didn't like them in the first place. Not everyone will always like everyone else......
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
Years ago, someone was in an abusive (physical & mental) relationship...was always calling me up to vent, seek advice, etc...and then....decided to stay in that relationship, and cut our ties all together....
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
For me to do so takes a lot, and I mean a lot, of personal convictions. The last time I did this was hugely in part due to a lack of communication, first on her part, then a huge misunderstanding on both our parts. When someone doesn't communicate with me...then to me, it deems a lack of willingness on their part to communicate and work out whatever issues there may have been going on. Telling me you want the friendship to work and stay intact, yet not communicating...is difficult at best! In my heart of hearts, I deeply regret losing that beautful soul....and I miss her terribly! I will shoulder most of the blame!
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
That is a very difficult path to walk. Half the battle is for someone to admit they have a problem, then WANT to change their behavior. Otherwise, I have to leave that be...as I don't interfere unless my advice is sought. I will not be around those behaviors...at all...
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
see answer to #5
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Moral compass is extremely important to me. Crushes and "likes" are all a part of our human makeup...and are harmless in most cases. I would never cross those boundaries...as I am a firm believer in honoring boundaries with partnered folks.
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
Since this could be ambiguous as it isn't stated if I was partnered, or single... I will respond on both counts. Partnered: see above. Single...if mutual, then would be an avenue to explore...as both would be single.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
That would all depend on what the habit was...tact & couth being relevant!
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
non applicable
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend?
One friend for 43 years, a second one for 45 years. I STILL am very close with both.
How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
Our hearts grew into one another's. Both are very, very special to me, and will always be. One lives in Guam, and the other in my state... Talk with both often, email, and text one in states often.
12) Do you have any friends who are exes?
Yes, I do, in fact.
What’s your philosophy about that?
My thoughts are that a friendship base existed before becoming lovers, then parting ways, so I would hope that remained the case. I know circumstances prevent that sometimes, but I believe we should try to maintain those if at all possible. There are exceptions to all cases however!
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
That was a mutually satisfying relationship to me. I only share these when single, and with select few. So long as both are consenting adults, and are mutually single, it can be very rewarding. Of course, my heart is always involved....on some level. I won't do "casual, stranger" sex...
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
To be quite blunt...I don't believe in fucking my friends!
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I bought someone a car several years ago...
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
During a very scary point in my life, that friend gave up 6 weeks of her life to be by my side, even moving me during that time frame. THAT is a real friend!!! I still miss her!!!
17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Funny you should ask this one. IF I believe deeply within my soul and heart, that a friend is not making a wise decision, I will discuss it with her/hym, and should they choose to end the friendship over it...well....there is not much else I can do. Drugs and alcohol abuse...liars, thieves, and unscrupulous behavior towards my relationship are top of the list for me.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
Almost anything petty, insignificant, or unconsequential would be among things I can overlook, deal with....BUT see #17 above for reasons of exclusion.[SIZE="2"][B][COLOR="Blue"]

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?

Most of these are non essential. If they were to have kids, then when it is not an "adult only" event, those kids are welcomed with open arms...and would be expected to behave accordingly appropriate in any venue we are in.
Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
low on list

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
not
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Muchly enjoyed and appreciated to be doing!
4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
no thanks!
5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Enjoy some sporting events...so would be enjoyable.
6) Participating in team sports
Oh good...golf cart OR electric scooter races....whoohoooo YES!!
7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

8) Shopping
Yes, please!
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
One of my most guilty pleasures!
10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Fun! Fun!
11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
When will we all get to meet you, Ms. Island Scout?!



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

Absolutely not!!! I don't view gender in areas such as these surveys!

[gaea]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
As often as i can

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
as often as possible
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
nope if the kid cant go we shouldn't be making those plans
4) Are finances a consideration?
no, there are all kinds of things to do in life that do not require money
5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
sometimes, i have a friend here with celiac disease so we have to watch her diet
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
yes
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
plan ahead or last minute its all good

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
i think they can work, the hard part is often times my butch freindsh will get in relationships and then i wont see or hear from them for awhile, its ok though because i know they are still there and they know i value my friendships
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
yes because my partner (if i had one)) would be the kind that understood they do not get to dictate whom my friends are or are not, this is up to me and me only, i would show my partner same respect
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
when my friend had a psychotic episode she cut me off and out of her life...i really didn't understand it, she didn't want me to see her go through that.
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
when i learned i was only being used for what i could do "for them"
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I would distance my self
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
tell hym/her get out and if they couldnt just be there for them be a support person
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
walk away....this would not be healthy for either it crosses too many bioundaries
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
knowing me...i would keep my mouth shut no matter how interested i am

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
yes

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
27 years and counting

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
i do my best in this area

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
it doesnt work...at least not for me

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
i would want my romantic partner to spoon me at night...i do nto expect this from friends...a romantic partner is also a friend

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
My freind J...was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had no one to drive her to see her boys, so i did...then i took her and her boys to the tat shop they got matching tats and i sat through it all, i was able to give her a weekend with her boys she might not have had otherwise...i would do it again and again

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
i have had the pleasure of multiple people coming through for me...sometimes..the most recent a phone call in the middle of my tears and she had no idea her timing was perfect.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
finding out im being used....someone saying nasty things about me, abusing the friendships etc..

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
it is not up to me to judge character flaws...sometimes character flaws is what makes a person unique so they aren't flaws at all

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
not at all important, i have a great many friends 20 years older than i

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
everyone has a different education therefore this does not matter

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
again this is of no importance as to how a freindship is built or sustained

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
not at all

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
nope we all come from different degrees of so called classes

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
not an issue

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
it is up to me to like my friends, not my children

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
not important factor...sometimes we do sometimes we do not

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
that would be fun lol

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
i would love this

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
i do this now with friends...

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
pinball!!!! racing....would be a blast

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
yep i do this

6) Participating in team sports
I do this as well

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
I enjoy these events as well

8) Shopping
i despise shopping i am not a good friend to do this with however i try....and i make attempts now...and im planning a shopping trip with someone

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
yep love this too

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
I have friends i do this with as well
11) Other
For the above 10 questions, i have many friends in life that i can do all the above with not one person has to match all of this...different friends meet different needs...the best of the best are the ones i can call up and say hey i just need an ear...they know who they are...and they know that when they need an ear im there for them.

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
I liked this survey....Friendships are unique in and of themselves...as no two friendships are exactly the same...they are like fingerprints.

I also like that a femme created it...

[Breezy]

I need to re answer a question. If I had a single friend, and I am single, to whom I was attracted I'd see where it went, if anywhere beyond, friendship slowly.

[Ginger]

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
When will we all get to meet you, Ms. Island Scout?!


********

Hahaha be careful what you wish for you just might get it ;) Seriously it would be fun to meet you and the lovely Miss Scarlet. I hope I do someday!

Great survey and I was thinking about your response on the q about friends in abusive relationships, how your friend would vent to you about it, then stayed in it and cut you off.

I know for me personally, it's kind of embarrassing to complain about a relationship and then stay in it... I wonder if she was just too embarrassed to stay in touch.

Some things we will never know, right?

Take care!

:)

Scout

[Ginger]

Gaea wrote:

..different friends meet different needs...the best of the best are the ones i can call up and say hey i just need an ear...they know who they are...and they know that when they need an ear im there for them.

***********

So true, right?

Gaea wrote:

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
i think they can work, the hard part is often times my butch freindsh will get in relationships and then i wont see or hear from them for awhile, its ok though because i know they are still there and they know i value my friendships

************

I know what you're saying, and I think for me it's true for all friends. Once they are partnered, they're not as unconditionally available as before. The last time I got into a serious relationship, I think it made one of my close friends a little annoyed at me. I was still available, but not always on a Saturday night or for a whole weekend, and she didn't get to sleep over (we would have sleep overs but it wasn't sexual).

That's another thing I've been annoyed about myself during long single periods of time—I would get tired of being relegated to the "B" nights, while my friend's lover got the premium nights (Saturdays, holidays). I'm not talking about jealousy, just feeling like, when you're single, you never come first with anyone.

One of the good things about my current relationship is that while my partner is almost never available to go out with me (she has a kid and childcare is an issue), she doesn't begrudge me my time with friends, or doing stuff by myself. Right now, in fact, I'm in Maine. I took myself on a vacation.

It's beautiful here. I drove for five hours today, and I'm going to rest then go somewhere nice for dinner. I really needed the undisturbed writing time.

If I disappear for a while, that's where I am. :)

[genghisfawn]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

As often as possible. We're all busy people but we tend to put quality time over quantity of time.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

If I don't see my best friend for a few weeks (we live in different cities) we text each other private jokes and random blather to keep things going. I have other friends that require more maintenance, but even if my response isn't immediate, they know it's coming.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

Not for me. Some of my friends have young kids, so I just head over there and hope for a few minutes of grown-up time. :)

4) Are finances a consideration?

I have friends of all ages and stages. Besides, there are as many fun free and cheap things to do as there are costly ones.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

Nope. One of my friends actually trusts me to drive her wheelchair van (at her peril, folks, at her peril, hahaha.)

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Yes, unfortunately. I'm single, thus I'm busy. I work 40-48 hours a week, I'm involved in the performing arts when in season, I have my mother and brother who love and need me, I'm a church-goer who is in the choir and social justice committee... I see you when I see you, but we make it a hell of a good time.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

I do last-minute when I can... it's fun that way, and I feel all daring when someone says, "Hey, want to meet me at Cranberry Flats in an hour and bring your camera?"


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

I have butch friends, femme friends, man friends, woman friends, kid friends, dog friends, etc. Friendships are precious, period.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

I'd need to know, honestly, why. My close friends know me so well that any partner of mine would probably do better to befriend them rather than be jealous or annoyed by them. Even if they didn't get along as friends, I'd want them to be civil to one another and have my partner respect the friendship and my friend respect the relationship.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

My friend Sadie from university was a close friend. She and I were inseparable. We took classes together, hung out frequently, shared everything, slept in the same bed and called each other "wifey". I tend to make very intimate connections with close friends, and so does she. When she was getting ready to move to another city, she cut our friendship off at the root in order to cope with having to leave and the friendship having to change. I grieved her for a long time, and not a day goes by when I don't think of her, but I respected her need because I loved her.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I'm in the process of doing it right now, unfortunately. I've tried hard to get the friendship to change and progress, but one person can't do that in a mutual relationship alone, so I'm gradually reducing the amount of time and energy this friend has of mine and eventually I'll have to let it go. The time we spend together only stresses me out, and cutting the friendship off is a last-ditch resort after trying everything else. It sucks, but it has to be done.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

Been there. I love them and support them and suspend my judgement.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

Been there, as well. I learned from my first serious relationship, which was abusive, and how my friends responded when we were 18 and 19. Now that we're grown-ups and we've agreed to help each other out when this stuff comes up, we're honest with one another. I don't push, but I do tell them what I see and let them know periodically that I have their back. If they need me, I'm there.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

It's happened. It's not worth the bother it would cause by telling them, and I'd never do anything about it, so I just try to find out why I'm attracted to them and hope that I can turn the feelings into a better friendship.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

Sometimes romances begin as friendships. I would never get a crush on a close friend, but when I've developed a crush on a new friend or acquaintance, sometimes I've let it be known (but I'm usually too shy.) Sometimes things have happened, and sometimes not, but I figure most people like to know someone thinks they're a hottie!

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

If it really gets under my skin, I tell them. I've also been in the horrible position of having someone say, "Be honest with me. (Particular destructive behaviour)... is it a bad thing? What do you think?" and I have to be diplomatic but honest.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I've outgrown my high school friends all within the last year. The stress of their infighting got to be too much, and it hasn't changed in so many years, and I needed to be free of it. I still see them one on one sometimes, and I enjoy it, but I can't be with them in a group or talk about the others with them.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

My oldest friend and I have known each other since we were 14 and 15 and met in the youth orchestra. She was 2nd clarinet, and I was 3rd double bass. It was an unlikely pairing, but today we are the bestest of besties and I'm glad I complimented her Our Lady Peace shirt that day.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

Most of my exes are friends, or we were friends after the relationship but had to come apart for various reasons. The two exes I never speak to anymore are unspeakable for various reasons, and I just leave it at that. Sometimes it's because we were better off as friends than lovers, so why not be friends?

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

Did it. Emotionally screwed me up. Won't do it again.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

Physical intimacy and first point-of-call are the only criteria I require out of a partner and not my friends. The airing of bullshit and relationship advice are things I require out of friends and not from a partner.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

Last summer, one of my close friends had a serious mental health breakdown. So many years of shit came out in the process. His wife at the time was pregnant and had the 3-year-old and 13-year-old at home, they were down to one salary and they needed help. I gave them food, I had the wife over a lot and let her drink my coffee, eat my Gaviscon and lie on my living room floor and cry. At the time it was all I could do, but I took care of her so she could go home and take care of everyone a little better.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

This past summer was the worst of my life. I'd been dumped, my life had gone 180, I was sick and stoned out on painkillers, I was waiting for surgery and I couldn't work. Oh, and because I was on EI I was painfully poor. My best friend came home for the summer (she's a teacher) and basically dragged my ass back from the depression which accompanies an illness and got me to rejoin the world. Bless her. I love her more than life itself.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

I don't have hard limits with friendships. People are people, no matter what. I've had to stop being friends with people, though, when the way they live is incompatible with the way I live (heavy drug-users, heavy partiers, etc.) out of self-preservation.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

Most things, actually. Everyone is quirky, and I am certainly not exempt. I can put up with a lot of quirks, eccentricities, specifics, etc. but I sometimes call people on destructive, manipulative or aggressive behaviours for their own sake and mine.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? - Not important.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? - Not very important, but I need a high level of conversation.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? - Not important.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? - Not important.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? - Not important.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? - Not important.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? - Haven't got any.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? - Haven't got any, but I don't mind including theirs sometimes (but being the single, kidless one, I'm the friend they go to for grown-up time anyhow!)


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. Like a bar?

Sure. I'm a great wingwoman.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors

Ex...ercise? Like they do on teevee?

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

Once in awhile.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else ish.

Meh.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

Only Saskatchewan Roughrider games!

6) Participating in team sports

Depends on the sport, depends on the team. My bestie and I like to go curling and skating in winter!

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

Absolutely!

8) Shopping

I really have to be in the mood.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

All the time!

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching

You bet. We've already planned trips to Cranberry Flats and Batoche for the summer.

11) Other

Bonfires (summer and winter), picnics, summer festivals, WalMart jousting... the list is endless!

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

I think people value different things in their friendships, so the survey itself was a good preliminary exercise in evaluating how I see my friends and friendships, but also got me thinking about the deeper, more personal things. :) Thanks for writing it!

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

I doubt it.

[Ginger]

Genghisfawn wrote:

My friend Sadie from university was a close friend. She and I were inseparable. We took classes together, hung out frequently, shared everything, slept in the same bed and called each other "wifey". I tend to make very intimate connections with close friends, and so does she. When she was getting ready to move to another city, she cut our friendship off at the root in order to cope with having to leave and the friendship having to change. I grieved her for a long time, and not a day goes by when I don't think of her, but I respected her need because I loved her.

Genghisfawn, that's a big love, that enables you to respect someone's need to reject you. I was struck by that when I read it, and wondered if I would be able to have that generosity. I think so, but I'm not sure.

This past summer was the worst of my life. I'd been dumped, my life had gone 180, I was sick and stoned out on painkillers, I was waiting for surgery and I couldn't work. Oh, and because I was on EI I was painfully poor. My best friend came home for the summer (she's a teacher) and basically dragged my ass back from the depression which accompanies an illness and got me to rejoin the world. Bless her. I love her more than life itself.


And I think you would do the same for her, if the occasion arose.

How important is it to you that: 2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? - Not very important, but I need a high level of conversation.

That's it. That's it exactly.


6) Participating in team sports

Depends on the sport, depends on the team. My bestie and I like to go curling and skating in winter!

Curling? Really??? I think I would enjoy that too; I can be so obsessive in narrow ways for short periods of time, when I can't let go of the outcome.


7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

I do last-minute when I can... it's fun that way, and I feel all daring when someone says, "Hey, want to meet me at Cranberry Flats in an hour and bring your camera?"

Your life sounds nice.

Scout

[laruss]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
I have a lot of friends and I see someone almost every day.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Many times a day. Text is the most common, but for deeper conversations if we can't get together we phone or skype

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
Only a few of my friends have kids, and we usually do something that includes them. My kids are grown now so it isn't an issue for me.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Everyone has different financial situations, I do different things with different friends

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
I have friends with different health issues from allergies to brain tumors that put them in a wheel chair. We always accommodate whatever the situation

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Not right now as I work from home, but when I was in Corporate it really was an issue as I lived for my job. But in saying that, I am on a number of different boards, I have my own work to do, I take classes and I have so many friends that I schedule almost everything. I love to be spontaneous, but only where I have a break in my schedule or if an opening comes up.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
I have some friends who will never step in last minute and I have others who love too. Depending on my schedule I will definitely, if available.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think anyone can be friends, it doesn't matter what you identify as.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
I definitely would, but I would work on the why's of the dislike. Jealousy doesn't fly with me so that wouldn't be acceptable from my partner, but if they had a valid reason to dislike I would examine my friendship. But I have learned a valuable lesson... If most of your friends don't like your partner, you should reexamine your relationship with your partner. I have many close friends and I value their opinion immensely.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
I can't really think of a time someone cut me off, but I have had many friendships run their course. I strongly believe that people are brought into your life for a reason and they will leave when that purpose is fulfilled. I may miss them, but I understand. Life is ever evolving.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
I had a friend through high school and when I got married and had kids she was going through a heavy partying phase that didn't mesh with my young family. I wrote her a letter explaining we were at different places in our lives and I needed to be there for my family. 5 years later we ran into each other and this September celebrate 30 years as friends. She is like a sister to me.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I have been there for some friends through some of the worst. I do what I can, but I now put myself and my family first. Too many times I took time away from my family and myself to look after others. But, my friends know they can count on me.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
Abusive, cheating, any negative energy directed toward them, I am straight up honest and there for them if they want to do something about it. I try not to judge where they are at, but if they choose to continue in it I will pull away. Letting them know I am always there if they need me.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
I would keep it to myself, it is not fair of me to burden them with that. I am an adult who can constrain myself.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
I would let them know, it may take me time as I would want to determine how it could affect my relationship with them. Recently I told a friend of 8 years that I had been in love with her for the past 6. But, one or the other of us had been in relationships so this is the first time we were single at the same time. We value our friendship too much to commit to each other when we are in such different places in our lives, but she means the world to me and I let her know that regularly.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Probably, but all my friends are pretty straight up people. We are pretty honest about things with each other.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
See above... friends come and go from our lives. We need to appreciate them while they are there and accept when they have moved onto other things.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
30 years. We have evolved into a sister relationship. We really don't have much in common anymore, really haven't since high school, but we are okay with that and as family just accept each other where we are at.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
I do have friends who are exes. I think it is the healthiest way to have things. Unfortunately not everyone feels that way and I am very grateful to have had one ex move to Australia from where I live here in Canada. lol

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
I am in favour of it, as long as everyone is on the same page. It has to have very real, open and honest communication for it to work. I have a few, always have unless I am in a committed relationship.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
I expect my romantic partner to be there for me always, as I would be for them. I don't mean we live in each others pockets, but if we have something going on good or bad, we are there for it. And depending on the dynamics of the relationship would likely be the only one in my bed.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I can't really think of one. I do things for my friends all the time, some I find insignificant and they feel are of the utmost importance. I have done everything from help them move out of their marital home after finding out their husband was cheating to letting a friend stay with me through his psychotic breakdown and finally committed him so he could get the help he needed.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
My friends do this all the time. The most important was when my partner died while I was in Berlin visiting my brother. My long time friend came to the house because I couldn't reach my spouse and found them dead in bed. She has been greatly traumatized by this. Then before my plane landed, as it took me 24 hours to get back home afterwards, a group of them came into my home and helped my spouse cross over and did a clearing on my home so I would not walk into that energy upon my return. It has bonded our friendship in a very unique way.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Abusive behaviour and dishonesty

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
Most, as we all have flaws

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
Not at all

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
I need to have intelligent people around me, but they do not have to have a formal education. I just don't do stupid well

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
Doesn't make a difference

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
This depends, I am open to many beliefs but if you try to convert me I will smack you once, and the second time I walk away.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
I have friends from all types of backgrounds

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
Makes no never mind to me

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
My children live elsewhere, but if they really didn't like someone I would have to take a look at why. My kids are pretty open minded so if they took issue with someone I would pay attention

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
My friends love my kids. We are even having a big shower for them tomorrow as both my girls had babies in April and my friends have been waiting to meet the babies. My girls, my brother and my dad traveled here to share this with my extended family. My friends are part of my family.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
I do this with some friends

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Different friends for each of these activities

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
I have certain friends that I always call for going to the movies

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Not my thing, and I don't have many friends who are into it either. Except maybe wii on occasion. We have had a couple of wii parties. Drunk yoga is fun.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Again, usually different friends for each event

6) Participating in team sports
I'm not much into playing team sports. Did I mention I don't do stupid well? I find team sports bring out the stupid in players and spectators

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
Love these events and have different friends I hold seasons tickets with to different cultural events.

8) Shopping
I am more of an online shopper or an alone shopper. I get in, get what I need and get out. Unless I am traveling and I have to check out the souvenirs, art and other touristy stuff, but again usually better off alone for the shopping part

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
Do this all the time with almost all my friends, either just two of us or in groups. We often have dinners of 16-24 people and know which restaurants can accommodate all of us and the assorted food related issues they all seem to have.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Yep, different friends for different activities, although some do overlap

11) Other
We often get together to do Spiritual work in a group. Whether it be 3 or 4 of us for reiki or 20+ for a drumming circle. Sometimes we will travel to do a ritual. We have also done day trips to visit different Medicine Wheels, Alberta has many.

[Ginger]

laruss wrote:


2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

I definitely would, but I would work on the why's of the dislike. Jealousy doesn't fly with me so that wouldn't be acceptable from my partner, but if they had a valid reason to dislike I would examine my friendship. But I have learned a valuable lesson... If most of your friends don't like your partner, you should reexamine your relationship with your partner. I have many close friends and I value their opinion immensely.

I agree about the jealousy part, and actually I wasn't even thinking of jealousy when I wrote that question; so many people have brought it up though, realize it's a common experience for lovers to be jealous of their partner's friend/s. I remember now a gay man I was very tight with, in the nineties. He was an academic and I'm a writer so we had friends in common and often saw the world the same way. We also shared a sense of humor, and watched Kids in the Hall reruns together, and would spend weekends together at my house upstate where he would paint till 4 in the morning and I would write and we would talk nonstop. My lover, a corporate lawyer, and I didn't have the same rapport in the same ways, though we had it in others, and she was very jealous of him. She wasn't nice to him. Eventually I lost him as a friend, and that was a contributing factor. I'd forgotten about that till I read your post for some reason.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
I can't really think of a time someone cut me off, but I have had many friendships run their course. I strongly believe that people are brought into your life for a reason and they will leave when that purpose is fulfilled. I may miss them, but I understand. Life is ever evolving.

I wish I were as philosophical about you at losing a friend. I just tend to be sad and bitter :(

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
I had a friend through high school and when I got married and had kids she was going through a heavy partying phase that didn't mesh with my young family. I wrote her a letter explaining we were at different places in our lives and I needed to be there for my family. 5 years later we ran into each other and this September celebrate 30 years as friends. She is like a sister to me.

What's cool is that she understood, and didn't hold it against you, when you needed space away from her. She does sound like a very good friend, a real keeper!

I enjoyed reading your responses.
Scout

[Mr Nice Guy]

Mr. Nice Guy wrote:

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I've never been able to be a friend with a Femme. Trust me I've tried but it doesn't work. Either their partner gets jealous or feelings pop up. Which makes for uncomfortable situations and I'm not a home wrecker.

********************

That is so interesting, Mr. Nice Guy. You're the first person who said that, but usually when one person says something, it's true for others who don't speak out.

When you say, "feelings pop up," if you're friends with a femme, it made me wonder if you're talking about your feelings, her feelings, or both.

I have found that some very good friendships start with crushes that die a natural death when one side doesn't return the energy. But that's just in my experience.

:)

Scout

Hi, it's never been my feelings. I don't go there. If I did have feelings for someone who's involved I have to question why and see if I could just be friends and not more. I would never come between two people. I've been down that road where it has happened to me. I have respect for my friends and would never want to hurt them. More times then not I think it's just how I am. I can be very sweet and I'm a great listener and very Butch. Straight women are attracted to this because I think something's missing in their relationship so they see in me what they want from a man. I guess that's why I here from their Moms that I wish my daughter was gay because your so nice and you would treat my daughter right. I'm just me and I'm nice because that's my personality. I can't help it. Sometimes it makes me sad because there's a lot of people in this world that aren't happy with themselves or they're afraid to just be. When it comes to lesbian Femmes it's mostly the Butches that are nervous or get jealous. Being online I can be friends with anyone without worrying about this. :)

[Ginger]

Hi, it's never been my feelings. I don't go there. If I did have feelings for someone who's involved I have to question why and see if I could just be friends and not more. I would never come between two people. I've been down that road where it has happened to me. I have respect for my friends and would never want to hurt them.




Yes, you earn your screen name, Mr. Nice Guy.

I am meanwhile, a Scout, IslandScout, on a island of my own making, looking around for a boat, wondering if I'm already on it.

(sorry for the flight of cryptic musing; I'm on vacation and sitting on a deck in a the middle of trees eating a homemade scone and getting ready to go biking and really in a dreamy mood!)

Scout

[Mr Nice Guy]

Now that sounds relaxing. I'm jealous. Lol

[always2late]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? As often as our various work, school, and childcare schedules will allow. I have friends I see every week, some I see only monthly...and some I don't actually see for years.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? I don't like talking on the phone, and I don't have skype...but I am a textin' fool! My friends and I text daily.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? Yes

4) Are finances a consideration? Sometimes...if I'm broke, or the friend in question is...we alter our plans accordingly.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? Yes

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? Yes

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? Normally our plans are figured out beforehand..but there are times when life gets in the way, and we have to do some last-minute adjustments.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? I think, as in any other types of friendship, there are more important things than how someone IDs that either bring you together or tear you apart. I have both butch and femme friends.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? I think it would depend on why my partner didn't like them. I would talk to my partner and find out exactly what the reason was. If there was a valid reason for my partner not being happy about the friendship (i.e. the person is a serial killer) then I would have to consider their opinion. If the reason was invalid (i.e. "I don't like their hair") then I would remain friends, and probably question my relationship.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. A friend once cut me off when she remarried. I was friends with both her and her ex-husband, and I think it made her and/or her new husband uncomfortable.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. I have cut off friends if they bring nothing but negativity into my life. As I've gotten older, I find that I am more selective about who I allow in.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? If they were at the point where they wanted help, I would do everything in my power to help them. If not, I would try to be there for them but I would not enable them.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? I would try to help them, if they were open to help, however as with addiction, you can't help someone unless they want your help. I would do everything in my power to try to get them away from the situation if I could. If they weren't at the point where they were willing to leave the relationship, I would make sure they knew I was there, would always be there, and would never judge them. Sometimes that is what someone needs in order to take the first step.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? Nothing...I would deal with the feelings on my own. I would never disrespect anyone's relationship, especially that of a friend.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? I would probably talk to them about it.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? Yes

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. I had a friend who wanted to bar/club-hop every weekend and just couldn't understand why I, as a single mother, could not do so. She ended up getting annoyed with me because, as she put it, "You never want to do anything fun anymore." I realized that we were in different places in our lives and our friendship kind of fizzled out.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? I've known my oldest friend for almost 40 years. We've managed to stay friends for so long because our friendship is built on understanding and on mutual trust and respect. There have been times in our friendship where we haven't been in contact for months, due to work or other obligations, but we've always been able to come together again, and the friendship picks up right where we left off. :)

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? Yes I do...I think having a friendship with an ex depends on why they became an ex in the first place.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? Been there, done that...it doesn't work unless both parties KNOW that it will never be anything but that.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? I think my expectations for both are very similar...There has to be common interests and goals, mutual respect and caring, compromise and flexibility, and most importantly, trust.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. A friend gave birth to her daughter a few months after I gave birth to my son. She had to be hospitalized for a few months due to a medical condition..so I took her daughter while she was in the hospital.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. I had to have an endoscopy and my friend drove me to the hospital at 6:00am...and stayed with me the entire time.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? Any type of abuse (physical, mental, verbal), lying, theft.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? Anything that doesn't fall into the above categories.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not important

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not important

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not important

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not important unless they make it so. I've had a friend who recently found "religion" and basically told me that I'm living in sin...so yeah..then it would be important.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not important

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not important

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Important...because I've found that when my son doesn't like a particular friend..he is usually picking up on something that I am not (and his assessment has usually been right).

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? Important...because my son is such a huge part of my life. That doesn't mean that he is ALWAYS with me...but it's important to me that my friends are willing to include my son.

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. I'm not single..but I would accompany a friend to a singles event for support.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors Yes

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater Yes

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else No..I don't really have any interest in video games

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV Yes

6) Participating in team sports I don't belong to any teams...but I would be willing to give it a go if a friend suggested it.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) Yes

8) Shopping Hmm..I'm not a big shopper...but I do enjoy window-shopping

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants Yes

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals Yes

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? Wow..it's pretty comprehensive...can't think of anything that was left out.



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? No

[Blade]

Friendship Survey[FONT="Verdana"][/CENTER]


Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? Daily
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? Daily for some weekly for others every few months for others
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? Not normally. Most of the time anything I do with friends is appropriate for children. If not they know it before hand.
4) Are finances a consideration? no
5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? no
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? no
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? yep I can be pretty spontaneous
Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? I have femme friends, I have butch friends not as many as femmes though.
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? depends on why they didn't like them
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. when they made assumptions and didn't communicate with me about their assumptions.
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. It's rare that I close all the doors and windows. I usually leave a window cracked open.
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I would help them all they would allow me to. I'm a realist, and I realize that you can't help anyone until they admit they have a problem and are ready for help. Then I'd support them as long as they needed me to.
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? This is a hard one. Abusive has many subcatagories. I'd encourage self esteem, and personal strength, to encourage them to make the decision and take action on the right thing to do for them.
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? this would never happen. I know my role, this would never happen8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? I'd get to know them better and then decide if what they offered and what I have to offer would be a good mix.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?yes
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. Don't know that this has happened completely. There are people that I'm still friends with we just don't socialize as often as we did at one time.
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 40 yrs, we are total opposites. Several 30 yr friendships. I think when you grow up with people and continue to be a part of each others lives even if it is occasional, it is beneficial for maintaining a growing and maturing relationship. Especially as we age.
12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? sure, I try to always stay friends with ex'es, sometimes it's all good, sometimes..not so much.
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? if both parties can keep this in check, I think it is ok
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? It would depend on to many variables to discuss in this survey
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. I had a friend who was being released from prison. She couldn't be released until she had a place to live and a job. I went to her previous job and ask them to hire her back, and I told her she could live at my house as long as she was drug free. I let her drive my truck to work every night.
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. He let me use his credit card to buy a fridge. I had bought 3 used ones in one year and the last one went out the first week of June last year. I paid him back, but had he not been generious enough to do that for me, I guess I still wouldn't have a working fridge.
17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? lack of respect, breaking a confidence, spreading rumors, stealing, abusive behavior,

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
People are the way they are you either accept them they way they are or you distance yourself from them

[Ginger]

Always2Late wrote:

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

A friend once cut me off when she remarried. I was friends with both her and her ex-husband, and I think it made her and/or her new husband uncomfortable.

I hate it when that happens. I've had a similar experience when I lost friends who "went" with an Ex. It stings at first, but then I decided, they weren't a true friend, after all. And then even later, when I'm not feeling hurt at all, I can look at it is, they're just confused about what "loyalty" is, and are trying to do the right thing but messing up in the process.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

I've known my oldest friend for almost 40 years. We've managed to stay friends for so long because our friendship is built on understanding and on mutual trust and respect. There have been times in our friendship where we haven't been in contact for months, due to work or other obligations, but we've always been able to come together again, and the friendship picks up right where we left off.

That's the magical thing about long-lasting friendships—they don't atrophy during time apart. I don't know why that is, but I keep hearing it as a characteristic of a long-term friend. I've been thinking, it has to do with both people being pretty accepting of others. You accept each other at one phase in life, and then you re-accept their changed self in another phase of life. I think people who are less accepting of other people, who are more rigid and judgmental, have a harder time maintaining long-term friendships. Just a theory of course. :)

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I had a friend who wanted to bar/club-hop every weekend and just couldn't understand why I, as a single mother, could not do so. She ended up getting annoyed with me because, as she put it, "You never want to do anything fun anymore." I realized that we were in different places in our lives and our friendship kind of fizzled out.

Ha ha I have to kind of laugh at how clueless your friend sounds. For you at that time, fun was probably having three hours of uninterrupted sleep, and dressing up probably meant wearing something that didn't have baby vomit on it. :)

Scout

[Ginger]

Blade wrote:

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I had a friend who was being released from prison. She couldn't be released until she had a place to live and a job. I went to her previous job and ask them to hire her back, and I told her she could live at my house as long as she was drug free. I let her drive my truck to work every night.

Wow. That is trust. It must have felt so validating to her, to be trusted by you, to that degree.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

He let me use his credit card to buy a fridge. I had bought 3 used ones in one year and the last one went out the first week of June last year. I paid him back, but had he not been generious enough to do that for me, I guess I still wouldn't have a working fridge.

What a nice guy, your friend, to loan out his credit card like that. And what a relief for you, to finally get a good fridge.

It sounds like you trust others, and they trust you. Only good can come of that! :)

[Blade]

[I][CENTER]
]


[COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?[COLOR="DarkOrange"]It doesn't matter I have friends of all ages
2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?doesn't matter
3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? doesn't matter
4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? doesn't matter
5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? doesn't matter
6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?doesn't matter
7) …your small or adult children like your friends?doesn't matter
8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?doesn't matter

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors sure
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater sure

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else sure

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV sure

6) Participating in team sports sure

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) sure

8) Shopping sure
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants sure

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals sure

11) Other im open

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?



:onebutch::1femme::waitinggirl::mountie::walking-poodle::scooter::indiangirl::guitar::bellydancer:

enjoying the thread