Why can't I.....

[tantalizingfemme]

go poop around Dapper after being together over 3 years? I worry about what is going to happen when we move in together. I think I am really up shit's creek.

I wonder if it is because I have control issues......


What can't you do around your significant other?

[Ginger]

go poop around Dapper after being together over 3 years? I worry about what is going to happen when we move in together. I think I am really up shit's creek.

I wonder if it is because I have control issues......


What can't you do around your significant other?


Well first of all, tantalizing femme, LOL, I think it's okay to always keep a few things out of your partner's view, to keep a few things behind the curtain, no matter what stage your relationship is in. You know, some mystery?

You say it like it's a bad thing, that you don't "poop" around your sweetie. I think ... it's really okay. Maybe it's healthy to have a little bit of private ground, some harmless bit of inviolable space, within shared space.

Some old movie I remember, it had Jill Clayburg, I can't remember the title—anyway, the man she's dating says he wants them to grow old together, and put their teeth in the same glass, and she says, "I want my own glass."

I was with a woman for ten years and we used to laugh and say, "I want my own glass," sometimes. We let each other have that little bit of separateness, when we needed it.

And btw, congratulations on moving in together!!

[tantalizingfemme]

Well the move in is future. No date. But I mean I can't do it unless I am in my own home and hy is at hys. Hy thinks I'm just really odd.

[Daywalker]

go poop around Dapper after being together over 3 years? I worry about what is going to happen when we move in together. I think I am really up shit's creek.

I wonder if it is because I have control issues......


What can't you do around your significant other?


Lmaoooooo


Ok, well after almost 9 years I have no problem doing most things
in front of mah Wife. However, and this is pushing the envelope
on mah own limits of privacy as to what I post...but when I'm
stepping into mah Strap, the dressing room is closed.

:shocking:

:daywalker:

[Novelafemme]

Well the move in is future. No date. But I mean I can't do it unless I am in my own home and hy is at his. Hy thinks I'm just really odd.


Hahahahahaha :) I was sitting here reading your post out loud to Katy and then read Island Scout's response, and Katy was like, "YES! That! RIGHT THERE! What she said!!!"

I drive her C R A Z Y with my nonsensical privacy issues (of which I have none!) I think some of the best conversations two people can have are sometimes formulated in the bathroom.

She would like everything I do in the bathroom to remain a mystery. ;)

Pooping issues are funny. My oldest daughter refuses to eat before school because the thought of having to poop AT school absolutely mortifies her.

I have been known to fart on the first date. True story.

Perhaps I am the wrong person for this thread because there's really nothing I can't do around Katy. I'm gross like that. ;) My poor, poor honey. :praying:

[tantalizingfemme]

Some old movie I remember, it had Jill Clayburg, I can't remember the title—anyway, the man she's dating says he wants them to grow old together, and put their teeth in the same glass, and she says, "I want my own glass."



That's awesome! Thanks. :)

[starryeyes]

Hahahahahaha :) I was sitting here reading your post out loud to Katy and then read Island Scout's response, and Katy was like, "YES! That! RIGHT THERE! What she said!!!"

I drive her C R A Z Y with my nonsensical privacy issues (of which I have none!) I think some of the best conversations two people can have are sometimes formulated in the bathroom.

She would like everything I do in the bathroom to remain a mystery. ;)

Pooping issues are funny. My oldest daughter refuses to eat before school because the thought of having to poop AT school absolutely mortifies her.

I have been known to fart on the first date. True story.

Perhaps I am the wrong person for this thread because there's really nothing I can't do around Katy. I'm gross like that. ;) My poor, poor honey. :praying:

Me too.... Nothing is a secret. I wish I was more lady like but it just doesn't work that way. But! In front of other people, different story. I would NEVER poop in public. I would rather be in pain for an hour and drive home. Oh well. Haha :-)

[tantalizingfemme]

Hahahahahaha :)

Perhaps I am the wrong person for this thread because there's really nothing I can't do around Katy. I'm gross like that. ;) My poor, poor honey. :praying:

I think that's so funny.... I wisher I were "looser"..... :)

[Novelafemme]

I think that's so funny.... I wisher I were "looser"..... :)

It's not just you, Tantalizingfemme. My best friend lived with his former girlfriend for two years and never ONCE saw her use the bathroom or heard her fart.

That just blows my mind!

You are just a private person! :) Kudos to you!

[Electrocell]

go poop around Dapper after being together over 3 years? I worry about what is going to happen when we move in together. I think I am really up shit's creek.

I wonder if it is because I have control issues......


What can't you do around your significant other?

Step in close the door turn the fan on or open window go -spray an air freshner leave the bathroom come out telling hym it smells like a bed of roses in there ( even though hy knows better -will agree with you and wait until it airs out lol). We are all human and we all do it. But I still have problems crapping in a public restroom at times . My one GF actually told me I taught her to fart lol.

[tantalizingfemme]

My one GF actually told me I taught her to fart lol.


lol.......

[tantalizingfemme]

You are just a private person! :) Kudos to you!

I just blame it all on my mother..... :)

[Novelafemme]

Another trick I learned is to flush the toilet as soon as you start to poop (OMG I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!) and that way there's no poop noise and a vast reduction of poopy smell. Either that or have a coughing fit if it's a noise issue.

[tantalizingfemme]

Another trick I learned is to flush the toilet as soon as you start to poop (OMG I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!) and that way there's no poop noise and a vast reduction of poopy smell. Either that or have a coughing fit if it's a noise issue.

lmao I would probably be laughing too hard and not be able to go.....

Honestly, it's not noise or smell that stops me. I don't have the urge at all. Even if we have been together for 4 or 5 days straight. (and I'm vegan so I get plenty of ruffage) But the minute I get home, or hy leaves to go to hys.... game on.

[princessbelle]

I'm right there with you tantalizingfemme. The other day i left the bathroom door open a little and my puppy bella opened it the rest of the way.

I heard Bully coming down the hall and FREAKED OUT. I screamed SHUT YOUR EYES AND DON'T LOOK. She did and turned her head the other way. THANK GOODNESS

LOL@Novelafemme....so true!!!

You can also run the water on high and splash your hand around in it while you are on the pot if you are close enough. Then they think you are just washing your face.

[tantalizingfemme]

I'm right there with you tantalizingfemme. The other day i left the bathroom door open a little and my puppy bella opened it the rest of the way.

I heard Bully coming down the hall and FREAKED OUT. I screamed SHUT YOUR EYES AND DON'T LOOK. She did and turned her head the other way. THANK GOODNESS

LOL@Novelafemme....so true!!!

You can also run the water on high and splash your hand around in it while you are on the pot if you are close enough. Then they think you are just washing your face.

OMG...you all have me laughing so hard...

[nycfem]

tantalizingfemme, how about starting with a phone call? You could still remain in separate homes, but give Dapper a call from the toilet when you have to poop. It might be a step towards more intimacy, and toilet flushing tricks wouldn't be necessary because any smell would be a non-issue.

[Novelafemme]

tantalizingfemme, how about starting with a phone call? You could still remain in separate homes, but give Dapper a call from the toilet when you have to poop. It might be a step towards more intimacy, and toilet flushing tricks wouldn't be necessary because any smell would be a non-issue.

Or have Dapper right outside the closed bathroom door.

OMG. I kind of want you guys to video tape this exchange.

Not that I'm weird or anything. :eyebat:

[Electrocell]

lol.......

Whole thing was I think she was serious lol.

[tantalizingfemme]

tantalizingfemme, how about starting with a phone call? You could still remain in separate homes, but give Dapper a call from the toilet when you have to poop. It might be a step towards more intimacy, and toilet flushing tricks wouldn't be necessary because any smell would be a non-issue.

I hope DB doesn't see this, he'll never answer my calls again. :)

That would be a start Jen, thanks! I would probably cover the mouth piece the entire time though....

[tantalizingfemme]

Or have Dapper right outside the closed bathroom door.

OMG. I kind of want you guys to video tape this exchange.

Not that I'm weird or anything. :eyebat:

I'm seriously laughing so hard I'm choking.... I would tape it just so I could see the look on hys face.

[princessbelle]

I don't know tantalizingfemme, Bully and i have lived together going on a year and i still can't do it.

I never even mention it.

As a matter of fact, here in this open forum is the only time i've ever said the word poop since i met her.

(which is actually one year tomorrow. Happy anniversary to us)

PS....i rattled paper here by the computer just now when i typed the P word so she wouldn't hear or know.

[Novelafemme]

I'm seriously laughing so hard I'm choking.... I would tape it just so I could see the look on hys face.

I just peed a little!!!!

[LaneyDoll]

My ex and I were together for YEARS and while I am sure he knew that my body acted like everyone else's, he never got confirmation-lol.

I had a c-section with my first child and everyone who has had surgery knows, they do not let you leave until you can use the bathroom-THAT way. Yes, I know the reasons for it and understand completely.

There I was, body systems were waking up from anesthesia, I was finally able to eat and beyond ready to get home. And I knew what I had to do to leave. But, the ex had NEVER, until that point, been allowed to be near the bathroom at that time.

However, I was post c-section and could not stand up with assistance. I was literally torn between buzzing for a nurse and calling him for help. It is funny now but then, I was mortified. And I ended up calling him rather than take the nurse away from her tasks.

I think that the extreme awareness of things like this may be Southern ;)

Southern product alert: http://poopourri.com/

:sparklyheart:

[Corkey]

I'm of the mind that holding it in is a really shitty prospect....

[tantalizingfemme]

I don't know tantalizingfemme, Bully and i have lived together going on a year and i still can't do it.

I never even mention it.

As a matter of fact, here in this open forum is the only time i've ever said the word poop since i met her.

(which is actually one year tomorrow. Happy anniversary to us)

PS....i rattled paper here by the computer just now when i typed the P word so she wouldn't hear or know.



omg Belle.... that is soo funny. I'm still laughing thinking about Bully walking down the hall and you screaming "don't look" and Bully's head snapping straight and eyes straight forward. .

PoopS Happy Anniversary

[BullDog]

I'm right there with you tantalizingfemme. The other day i left the bathroom door open a little and my puppy bella opened it the rest of the way.

I heard Bully coming down the hall and FREAKED OUT. I screamed SHUT YOUR EYES AND DON'T LOOK. She did and turned her head the other way. THANK GOODNESS

LOL@Novelafemme....so true!!!

You can also run the water on high and splash your hand around in it while you are on the pot if you are close enough. Then they think you are just washing your face.

LMAO, yes the 2 dogs always follow her in there and sometimes the cat. But never me. Honey I don't try to guess if it's No. 1 or No. 2 :superfunny:

[nekohl]

http://maukamakai.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/everyone-poops-05.jpg

I had a room mate in college and for 4 years she would turn the water on full blast whenever she was in the bathroom. Every so often me or one of the other roomies would mess with her and talk to her through the door while she was in there. I'm sure she was in there thinking "assholes! I gotta poop!"
Yeah, we were assholes.:blink:

[nycfem]

I have a cat who LIVES for me to have to poop. She likes to be petted by me from my seated position on the toilet, vibrating her tail to insist I do it, or gently scratching my lower leg if I ignore her. Sometimes, in addition to trying to produce a poop, I've also got a lap top sitting on the edge of the bathtub and a People magazine in my hands- the last thing I need is to be stroking a needy cat! The problem is that if I close the door all the way, she will scratch the door and cry and try desperately to get inside. If I close it almost all the way, then there is a sufficient boundary from BB, and I just have to hope that she doesn't knock open the door, leaving it grossly ajar, such that the whole spiritual experience of the poop is ruined. Wow, I didn't know I had so much to say on this topic :|

I'm right there with you tantalizingfemme. The other day i left the bathroom door open a little and my puppy bella opened it the rest of the way.

I heard Bully coming down the hall and FREAKED OUT. I screamed SHUT YOUR EYES AND DON'T LOOK. She did and turned her head the other way. THANK GOODNESS

LOL@Novelafemme....so true!!!

You can also run the water on high and splash your hand around in it while you are on the pot if you are close enough. Then they think you are just washing your face.

[princessbelle]

omg Belle.... that is soo funny. I'm still laughing thinking about Bully walking down the hall and you screaming "don't look" and Bully's head snapping straight and eyes straight forward. .

PoopS Happy Anniversary

Thanks!!!!


Oh it's true. So true.

Other ideas...

~ Give "them" a job to do outside and tell them to HURRY and run to the bathroom when you hear the door shut.

~ Turn on the shower, if you need extra time.

~ Take a broom or mop in with you so they think you are cleaning.

~ Sneak in, if they are in another part of the house and gently close the door without them knowing you are in there at all. (this one takes practice)

~ If you are out in a store or something, say "honey, i'm gonna look at the underwear, i'll catch up to you later". They never follow and you have all the time you need to do your um business.

Just a few tricks of the trade i thought i'd share....

[Novelafemme]

13 years, 3 months. And, NO.

I don't even understand double sinks. Not only do I not want to excrete in front of anyone, I don't want to brush my teeth with them.

No.

OMG!

June said excrete.

The world is gonna explode!!!

or maybe just me!!

[princessbelle]

LMAO, yes the 2 dogs always follow her in there and sometimes the cat. But never me. Honey I don't try to guess if it's No. 1 or No. 2 :superfunny:

OMG YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE IN HERE!!!!!

Hurry!!!!! Close your eyes and look away!!!

[tantalizingfemme]

I guess for me, it's the idea that hy knows what I am doing. And turning on the water for me is like sending out an alert to those within earshot that I'm gonna be pooping.... lol

Poop talk is so funny....fart talk makes me lol too.

[Kätzchen]

I just blame it all on my mother..... :)

When I read this, tantalizingfemme, I said, *omg, me too!* --

meaning I blame my mother too!

(for some, not all, bathroom rules;
toilet paper issues, included)

[Novelafemme]

I guess for me, it's the idea that hy knows what I am doing. And turning on the water for me is like sending out an alert to those within earshot that I'm gonna be pooping.... lol

Poop talk is so funny....fart talk makes me lol too.

I. LIVE. FOR. BATHROOM. HUMOR.

Amen.

[Medusa]

When Jackhammer and I were dating long distance I would fly to LA for a week or more and for at least the first 10 trips I would send her to the store.

Generally for Diet Dr. Pepper.

As soon as she pulled out of the driveway, it was a mad dash for the bathroom! Fling open the door, turn on the fan, pre-spray the area with Glade, open the window, crap as quickly as possible while flushing the whole time, and then when done you have to stand there fanning the door back and forth to force the smell out the open window.

[princessbelle]

This is some funny shyt i tell ya.

I'm with nycfembbw, i didn't know i had so much to say on this topic either.

I'm giving out lists of ways to cope with the problem. I didn't realize other peeps had this problem too.

Maybe we have a poop phobia or something. Maybe we should start a support group.

[tantalizingfemme]

When I read this, tantalizingfemme, I said, *omg, me too!* --

meaning I blame my mother too!

(for some, not all, bathroom rules;
toilet paper issues, included)

I blame my mother for everything. And TP issues... oh gosh. I remember going to a friends house, I had to have been around 6, maybe 7, and her mother handed me ONE square of TP when I went to use the bathroom.

I wasted more money on the tons of soap and water I used to wash my hands then it would have to cost to hand over one or two more.

[Corkey]

We'd need another bathroom. Having parasalsis (sp) is a real bummer.... No garlic!!!!

[nycfem]

Tantalizing, I would suggest for the first few calls, make yourself more comfortable by not letting Dapper know that this is a "poop call." If Dapper questions any grunting sounds or general exertion in your voice, just tell DB that you happen to be in the midst of preparing a gourmet cheese plate for yourself and that you are having some difficulty with opening a jar of olives. :phonegab:

I hope DB doesn't see this, he'll never answer my calls again. :)

That would be a start Jen, thanks! I would probably cover the mouth piece the entire time though....

[tantalizingfemme]

When Jackhammer and I were dating long distance I would fly to LA for a week or more and for at least the first 10 trips I would send her to the store.

Generally for Diet Dr. Pepper.

As soon as she pulled out of the driveway, it was a mad dash for the bathroom! Fling open the door, turn on the fan, pre-spray the area with Glade, open the window, crap as quickly as possible while flushing the whole time, and then when done you have to stand there fanning the door back and forth to force the smell out the open window.

Lmao... it sounds so stressful.

[Kätzchen]

I blame my mother or everything. And TP issues... oh gosh. I remember going to a friends house, I had to have been around 6, maybe 7, and her mother handed me ONE square of TP when I went to use the bathroom.

I wasted more money on the tons of soap and water I used to wash my hands then it would have to cost hand over one or two more.

My mother, bless her heart, was only trying to make sure I learned 'the rules' the right way - her mother, gramma, was not far behind her either!

LOL!

Matter of fact, I have to have practically a years worth of toilet paper in the bathroom cabinets (it's got a cabinet of its own) or I will feel like I don't have enough toilet paper - not to mention pads, tampons, shampoo, air freshener (I use scentsy's now), and music - got to have a radio or something in there. ;)

[tantalizingfemme]

Tantalizing, I would suggest for the first few calls, make yourself more comfortable by not letting Dapper know that this is a "poop call." If Dapper questions any grunting sounds or general exertion in your voice, just tell DB that you happen to be in the midst of preparing a gourmet cheese plate for yourself and that you are having some difficulty with opening a jar of olives. :phonegab:

omg... that is hysterical.

[Novelafemme]

Tantalizing, I would suggest for the first few calls, make yourself more comfortable by not letting Dapper know that this is a "poop call." If Dapper questions any grunting sounds or general exertion in your voice, just tell DB that you happen to be in the midst of preparing a gourmet cheese plate for yourself and that you are having some difficulty with opening a jar of olives. :phonegab:

OMG.

THIS.

YES!

I can't breathe...

[Kätzchen]

* three pages in less than five minutes*


LOL!


26 members present seconds ago
(several several 'guests')

:vigil:

[Parker]

Oh god, this thread - I am laughing so hard, I am crying over here!

You know, when you have IBS, you have to be ok with pooping anywhere you need to poop, no matter where it is or who is around to hear or smell - I actually carry around a small spray bottle in my pocket so I can continually spray (Febreeze, Glade, whatever) while I'm doing my thang. :winky:

At home, I burn incense lol - and the only thing I do differently when I have company or when I am dating is I shut the door. :sunglass:

[ruby_woo]

This thread is amazing. I can poop at work, at the mall, etc., and not a single fuck will be given, but there's a friend I have kind of a crush on and I CANNOT poop at his house. Or, if we're traveling and staying in a hotel together, I can't poop in the hotel either.

Unfortunately, he has no filter and will say things like "Wow, you sure did let out a big fart in your sleep last night." Thanks buddy.

We're going down to Bumbershoot in Seattle for the upcoming long weekend, and I am not looking forward to 3 days of not pooping. :| I'm hoping I can sneak away to Nordstrom for a few minutes, they usually have nice bathrooms.

[Novelafemme]

Oh god, this thread - I am laughing so hard, I am crying over here!

You know, when you have IBS, you have to be ok with pooping anywhere you need to poop, no matter where it is or who is around to hear or smell - I actually carry around a small spray bottle in my pocket so I can continually spray (Febreeze, Glade, whatever) while I'm doing my thang. :winky:

At home, I burn incense lol - and the only thing I do differently when I have company or when I am dating is I shut the door. :sunglass:


OH NO YOU DI'INT!!!!

OH...OH....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[princessbelle]

Maybe we could form a support group and get each other's phone numbers and call for back up.

Like...say i call Novelafemme

"Hey this is belle i gotta do the dirty and Bully is in the living room watching TV and i'm stressing out"

Novelafemme could say something like...

"It's ok, just wait until a good part of the ballgame comes on as a distraction and sneak off to the bathroom".

Then i say...

"I CAN'T WAIT. I'M CROWNING. I NEED HELP."

or something along those lines.

[Medusa]

Lmao... it sounds so stressful.

It was!!

What finally got me to just take my dump and be unapologetic about it was that we started having this giggling conversation about how we had been friends for 5 years and had talked about shit in almost every conversation. Jackhammer was like, "What is wrong that we talked about it for 5 years and nobody wants to do it?"

I was like, "You first, honey!"

Needless to say, I was visiting her when the urge hit and I was like "It's now or never in my head". So I boldly stood up and announced, "I'M going to POOP!"

Jackhammer laughed at me and I was all proud of myself.

Off I trotted to the bathroom and boldly crapped with her sitting just down the hall in the living room.

I was so proud of myself!

Until I tried to flush the toilet.

I flushed and nothing went down.

I flushed again and some of it went down and stopped.

The toilet gurgled.

Water started coming up toward the top.

:|

I watched in HORROR as the toilet came within centimeters of overflowing and my "work" made stripes around the bowl.

I considered crawling out the window.

I ran water in the sink to try to make it sound normal.

I waited for the water to recede in the toilet enough that I felt safe flushing again.

I flushed.

Gurgle.

Nothing happened.

More water rose back up.

I realized at this point that I had plugged the toilet up.

Perhaps in my toilet paper zeal.

Perhaps because I had been holding it for 3 days.

:|

I must have been in the bathroom for a long time because, next thing I know Jackhammer is in the hallway, mere feet from the door, asking if I'm ok.

"Uhhhhh.....", I said.

"Babe?", she said.

"Um. DON'T COME DOWN HERE!", I said.

"WHY?", she said.

:|

"GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR, BABE!", I shriek.

"BABE! Tell me you are OK!", she said.

"I'm OK but I.......I need........"

"WHAT do you need?" she asks

"I NEED A FREAKING PLUNGER AND DON'T YOU SAY A FUCKING WORD!", I bark at her.

Needless to say, she bursts out laughing.

I burst out laughing.

And I am laughing so hard that when she says, "Come out of there and let me plunge it", that I literally fall back over the tub and almost rip the shower curtain down.

She wiggles the door handle at this point.

I am laughing and trying to yell at her to "GET. AWAY. FROM. THE. FUCKING. DOOR!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I ended up sticking my hand through the door where she thrusts a plunger to me and I take care of the ordeal myself.

Yes, we laughed.

Yes, I was mortified.

Yes, it opened the floodgates for shitting because after that? I didn't give a fuck anymore. I mean, you can't really go back to being a secret shitter when you stop up the fucking toilet in your honeyboo's house. :|

[tantalizingfemme]

Oh god, this thread - I am laughing so hard, I am crying over here!

You know, when you have IBS, you have to be ok with pooping anywhere you need to poop, no matter where it is or who is around to hear or smell - I actually carry around a small spray bottle in my pocket so I can continually spray (Febreeze, Glade, whatever) while I'm doing my thang. :winky:

At home, I burn incense lol - and the only thing I do differently when I have company or when I am dating is I shut the door. :sunglass:


My mother always complained that my father always pooped right before the guests would arrive at the house for a dinner party. She would grab the lysol and spray the entire upstairs. And because we were little and not invited, we were stuck in our rooms upstairs with the stink. (AND, she would leave the bathroom door wide open and not shut it to contain the smell)

To this day, whenever I small lysol spray, I always think it smells pooey.

[Novelafemme]

O

M

G

!

I am going to bed before I explode.

Amen.

[tantalizingfemme]

"I CAN'T WAIT. I'M CROWNING. I NEED HELP."




This is the best. It's the turtle...

Maybe I can do practice calls with you guys...

[tantalizingfemme]

It was!!

What finally got me to just take my dump and be unapologetic about it was that we started having this giggling conversation about how we had been friends for 5 years and had talked about shit in almost every conversation. Jackhammer was like, "What is wrong that we talked about it for 5 years and nobody wants to do it?"

I was like, "You first, honey!"

Needless to say, I was visiting her when the urge hit and I was like "It's now or never in my head". So I boldly stood up and announced, "I'M going to POOP!"

Jackhammer laughed at me and I was all proud of myself.

Off I trotted to the bathroom and boldly crapped with her sitting just down the hall in the living room.

I was so proud of myself!

Until I tried to flush the toilet.

I flushed and nothing went down.

I flushed again and some of it went down and stopped.

The toilet gurgled.

Water started coming up toward the top.

:|

I watched in HORROR as the toilet came within centimeters of overflowing and my "work" made stripes around the bowl.

I considered crawling out the window.

I ran water in the sink to try to make it sound normal.

I waited for the water to recede in the toilet enough that I felt safe flushing again.

I flushed.

Gurgle.

Nothing happened.

More water rose back up.

I realized at this point that I had plugged the toilet up.

Perhaps in my toilet paper zeal.

Perhaps because I had been holding it for 3 days.

:|

I must have been in the bathroom for a long time because, next thing I know Jackhammer is in the hallway, mere feet from the door, asking if I'm ok.

"Uhhhhh.....", I said.

"Babe?", she said.

"Um. DON'T COME DOWN HERE!", I said.

"WHY?", she said.

:|

"GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR, BABE!", I shriek.

"BABE! Tell me you are OK!", she said.

"I'm OK but I.......I need........"

"WHAT do you need?" she asks

"I NEED A FREAKING PLUNGER AND DON'T YOU SAY A FUCKING WORD!", I bark at her.

Needless to say, she bursts out laughing.

I burst out laughing.

And I am laughing so hard that when she says, "Come out of there and let me plunge it", that I literally fall back over the tub and almost rip the shower curtain down.

She wiggles the door handle at this point.

I am laughing and trying to yell at her to "GET. AWAY. FROM. THE. FUCKING. DOOR!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I ended up sticking my hand through the door where she thrusts a plunger to me and I take care of the ordeal myself.

Yes, we laughed.

Yes, I was mortified.

Yes, it opened the floodgates for shitting because after that? I didn't give a fuck anymore. I mean, you can't really go back to being a secret shitter when you stop up the fucking toilet in your honeyboo's house. :|

My stomach hurts I'm laughing to hard.

I can just imagine the horror when you saw the water started rising... and the silent pleading for the water to stay in the bowl.....

[princessbelle]

This is the best. It's the turtle...

Maybe I can do practice calls with you guys...



Anytime!!!! We can call it code green. Brown sounds too icky. Code green in the hospital is a hostage emergency.

I believe this qualifies.

G'night all.

[Medusa]

I farted in June and Kat's bedroom at 3am while Sassyleo snored on an air mattress and Cara was getting ready for bed.

And then both June and I got in trouble because we couldn't stop giggling about it.

[girl_dee]

Anytime!!!! We can call it code green. Brown sounds too icky. Code green in the hospital is a hostage emergency.

I believe this qualifies.

G'night all.

[/B][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

I'm colorblind !!!!!!!!

[tantalizingfemme]

I'm colorblind !!!!!!!!

We could call it code "fire in the hole"?

[Medusa]

Back in the old days on the Dash site, there was a Bash in New Orleans in 2003 (I think?).

Well, I went downstairs to the room where they were having the Meet and Greet and saw like 20 people filing out of the room. I thought for a split second that I had missed it but quickly realized when I entered the ballroom that someone had farted and done that "crop-dusting" thing where they had spread it all around the room. :|

[Sun]

I farted in June and Kat's bedroom at 3am while Sassyleo snored on an air mattress and Cara was getting ready for bed.

And then both June and I got in trouble because we couldn't stop giggling about it.

You need your own TV show.

Priceless.

[tantalizingfemme]

Back in the old days on the Dash site, there was a Bash in New Orleans in 2003 (I think?).

Well, I went downstairs to the room where they were having the Meet and Greet and saw like 20 people filing out of the room. I thought for a split second that I had missed it but quickly realized when I entered the ballroom that someone had farted and done that "crop-dusting" thing where they had spread it all around the room. :|

lol and I bet the culprit filed out first.

[nycfem]

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one. :blush:

[SugarFemme]

I am so shy about the bathroom "stuff", I have been reading this thread wanting, no DYING to post a funny experience but can't LOL. That's how bad I am, Tantalizing:)

[tantalizingfemme]

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one. :blush:

I can't breathe.... lol

[tantalizingfemme]

I am so shy about the bathroom "stuff", I have been reading this thread wanting, no DYING to post a funny experience but can't LOL. That's how bad I am, Tantalizing:)

Sharing is caring. We won't judge you!! :)

[nekohl]

Geez, I really need to go to bed but this thread is cracking me up! I can't stop:giggle:

[tantalizingfemme]

Geez, I really need to go to bed but this thread is cracking me up! I can't stop:giggle:

Me too. I keep looking at the clock.

[Medusa]

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one. :blush:

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

[SugarFemme]

Your ass claps?? I must be doing it wrong LMAO




BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

[Medusa]

Your ass claps?? I must be doing it wrong LMAO

Anal applause!

[SugarFemme]

See now, I think you might have sumthin there. For women that are attention whores and cannot poop in front of partner or in public bathrooms, just think, everytime they poop, they get applause and adulation LMAO




Anal applause!

[nekohl]

Anal applause!

:rofl:

My mother did this the other day. Lol next time I'm gonna tell her it was a lovely applause.

[firegal]

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

There is something wrong with you! :fart:

Too funny

[nycfem]

I do that like, allllll the time, and thank goodness BB's mind just doesn't conceive that such weird, contrived things like this go on in the world, so she just sits reading her Kindle beside me in bed, oblivious, as I pull up the covers, roll onto my side, slowly put my hand on my hip like a model, lift an ass cheek and gracefully expel a thick yet silent stream of steaming hot gas beneath the covers. And most embarrassingly, I am sometimes so proud of my feat that I can't resist sticking my head under the covers to get a whiff of what I just pulled off! All I can say is I sure am lucky that BB spends all her time in the BFP arcade and wouldn't roost on a thread like this in a million years!

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

[Corkey]

I'm dying..........

[Medusa]

I do that like, allllll the time, and thank goodness BB's mind just doesn't conceive that such weird, contrived things like this go on in the world, so she just sits reading her Kindle beside me in bed, oblivious, as I pull up the covers, roll onto my side, slowly put my hand on my hip like a model, lift an ass cheek and gracefully expel a thick yet silent stream of steaming hot gas beneath the covers. And most embarrassingly, I am sometimes so proud of my feat that I can't resist sticking my head under the covers to get a whiff of what I just pulled off! All I can say is I sure am lucky that BB spends all her time in the BFP arcade and wouldn't roost on a thread like this in a million years!


AHHAHAHAHAH!!!

I have TOTALLY done the hand on the hip trick too!!!

Like, "Look how sexy I am!"......ssssssssttt!

[LaneyDoll]

Aside from that fact that this thread has had me laughing so hard that I started to choke, regained my composure only to start laughing (and choking again) I have to say that MY FAVE thing about this thread...

is that everyone is getting along and no one is arguing at all. It is really nice to see :)

:sparklyheart:

[Medusa]

Aside from that fact that this thread has had me laughing so hard that I started to choke, regained my composure only to start laughing (and choking again) I have to say that MY FAVE thing about this thread...

is that everyone is getting along and no one is arguing at all. It is really nice to see :)

:sparklyheart:

Bodily functions are universal!!

And it's even better when people admit that it's FUNNY!

I am 35 years old and I laugh every.single.time. I hear someone fart.

[Parker]

OH NO YOU DI'INT!!!!

OH...OH....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh yes I do!! Friends teased me in the past, until they really thought about it - then they wanted to borrow my spray! :winky:

Also - my bathroom is right between the 2 bedrooms, but it's the spare room - my office - that stinks after someone is done in my bathroom, so I dont just light incense in the bathroom, I like one in the office as well. I take care of that shit (pun intended)!

Maybe we could form a support group and get each other's phone numbers and call for back up.

Like...say i call Novelafemme

"Hey this is belle i gotta do the dirty and Bully is in the living room watching TV and i'm stressing out"

Novelafemme could say something like...

"It's ok, just wait until a good part of the ballgame comes on as a distraction and sneak off to the bathroom".

Then i say...

"I CAN'T WAIT. I'M CROWNING. I NEED HELP."

or something along those lines.



I think you all should have a phone tree - then when one of you needs to visit the head, you can call someone on the phone tree and she can call your SO and keep them occupied while you are ... well, occupied! lol

[Medusa]

Do you all observe "poop stall" etiquette when in public restrooms?

(The poop stall is the one that is furthest from the door!)

[Scuba]

....just retire :blink:

[Corkey]

I use the handicapped, placement is out of my hands....

[Parker]

Do you all observe "poop stall" etiquette when in public restrooms?

(The poop stall is the one that is furthest from the door!)

Being the big gal that I am, I try to use the handicap stall if it's available so I can (a) have the room that the small person stalls do not provide and (b) I can use the railings so I dont fall in!

Otherwise, I just try to get as far away from the other occupied stalls as I can - and, of course, I use my spray. :winky:

[Electrocell]

Do you all observe "poop stall" etiquette when in public restrooms?

(The poop stall is the one that is furthest from the door!)

There's etiquette in public restrooms ? :blink::passinggas:

[Medusa]

There's etiquette in public restrooms ? :blink::passinggas:

Ok, now I know who doesn't "courtesy flush"!! LOLOLOL

[Electrocell]

Ok, now I know who doesn't "courtesy flush"!! LOLOLOL

LOL got me.

[sierragirrl]

i can honestly say the one place i could not go poo was when i was dressed in orange.i did learn how the girls freshin up after they have gone poo.it's baby powder,just squeeze the bottle and it was smellin pretty good.some of them did the courtesy flush.my fav was when people used the potty in the middle of the night the toilets suck so hard it hurts ur ears.
by the time i was set free i had a jail baby ready to be delivered.

[Electrocell]

i can honestly say the one place i could not go poo was when i was dressed in orange.i did learn how the girls freshin up after they have gone poo.it's baby powder,just squeeze the bottle and it was smellin pretty good.some of them did the courtesy flush.my fav was when people used the potty in the middle of the night the toilets suck so hard it hurts ur ears.
by the time i was set free i had a jail baby ready to be delivered.

Aren't those toilets in the open in those stalls (spent one night --that was enough in jail). I wouldn't of went either lol.

[sierragirrl]

each room had one two girls per room i was in for 2nights 3 days in Arkansas first time to have sweet tea.i don't like so much.food wasen't to bad not healthy stuff i was kinda shocked..oh first and last time i will ever be locked up..

[Electrocell]

Just one night for me lol was a bad boi and partied to much in a hick town I lived in lol.:blowingitup:

[sierragirrl]

mine was from that really big bad :cannabis:

[Medusa]

Question for partnered people: Who tooted first?

[Bard]

Question for partnered people: Who tooted first?

that would be me Desd is way to delicate of a flower to do so NOW her sister well the conversations we have had on this subject

:police:

[princessbelle]

Question for partnered people: Who tooted first?

The jury is still out. She must have silent ones. I've never heard it. Sorta weird really. I really wish she would though. I could relax then. The veil will have been lifted...so to speak.

Of course i don't toot at all and if i did i would certainly hold my cheeks together tight and get up on my tip toes and pray it is silent.

Just sayin...

[Daywalker]

Question for partnered people: Who tooted first?

Would you be surprised if I said I don't remember.

:smokejoint:

:daywalker:

[Daywalker]

Just for Dusa


"...if you spread the cheeks a lil,
then they're air gasers n no one hears them."


:blush:


:daywalker:

[Novelafemme]

Question for partnered people: Who tooted first?

Take a wild guess. ;)

[princessbelle]

Being a nurse, i hear a lot of toots.

There are several different catagories.

There are the "walking toots" that i find amazing.

Every step you hear a little, minor E, high pitched beep really. I have figured out, (just from being around them, not as first hand knowledge mind you,) that if you wear flip flops that if you are having these the flop of the shoe hitting your heel will drowned the sound.

Just fyi.

[Medusa]

Jackhammer was the first to let it go in our house! :)

I was so relieved that I *immediately* released the one I had in the holding tank!

[Breathless]

Maybe it is just me, but I would rather turn green holding it, then use a public bathroom, and do the walk of shame if anyone was there, to a) hear it, and have to hide my face when I came out of the stall or B) smell it, and look at me like I was the culprit..
I just cant do it, I will hold it till I get home, even if that is hours or even sometimes days. Just can't.Do you all observe "poop stall" etiquette when in public restrooms?

(The poop stall is the one that is furthest from the door!)

[lusciouskiwi]

I'm dying..........

Me toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oh shit cn't see the screen think i'm having asmatha attack!!!!!!! OMG arse clap shit

stop!

[lusciouskiwi]

My dog just came over and looked at me.

Mdm Butterfly and H.R.H aren't too impressed when I toot. If my (long time ago) ex or I farted, we'd say that the floorboards were squeaky. ;)

Wow, there's nothing like a good belly laugh!

[Medusa]

I say that Jackhammer has a baby elephant living in her butt :byebye:

[Mike]

lights a match, its smelly in here

[Electrocell]

My dog just came over and looked at me.

Mdm Butterfly and H.R.H aren't too impressed when I toot. If my (long time ago) ex or I farted, we'd say that the floorboards were squeaky. ;)

Wow, there's nothing like a good belly laugh!

LOL had a GF that called it a barking spider. 1st time she said did you hear that barking spider I laughed so hard I couldn't catch my breath.

[Electrocell]

mine was from that really big bad :cannabis:

Quit that when I was 27 lol it was either smoke or have a job lol--------chose the job. Plus it was getting to were all it did was put me to sleep.

[tantalizingfemme]

Question for partnered people: Who tooted first?

It wasn't me. :)

[tantalizingfemme]

I always feel bad when I go in a public bathroom and the person in the next stall is clearly waiting for me to leave for privacy. lol

[BullDog]

TMI moment: I honestly don't fart a lot. I am not sure why. I do have to pee like every 15-30 minutes, which is a royal pain in the butt.

So last night we went out to dinner. When we got to the restaurant I of course had to pee. Belle said she would wait outside for me.

So I go into the bathroom, close the stall and start to pee. Pretty soon I feel this hand on my leg. I'm thinking, hmmm is that her or someone brushed up against me by mistake. So... I keep peeing. Then here comes that hand again from the other stall.

Cut it out Niki! :pirate-steer:

[Novelafemme]

I always feel bad when I go in a public bathroom and the person in the next stall is clearly waiting for me to leave for privacy. lol

That would be me. Sitting there cursing at you in my mind.

[clay]

:confused:hmmm....never could figure out why my deceased wife would say things like "honey...that could peel wallpaper off a wall" or "punky, OMG! I need a teargas mask".....:seeingstars:.....:fart:

[tantalizingfemme]

:confused:hmmm....never could figure out why my deceased wife would say things like "honey...that could peel wallpaper off a wall" or "punky, OMG! I need a teargas mask".....:seeingstars:.....:fart:

TMI!!! lol ...