Marriage Titles

[Maverick]

I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject.

Thanks,
Maverick

:cowboihorse:

[always2late]

You could use the gender neutral term "spouse" :)

[firegal]

I think spouse is a great idea! my lil sis and her other half referred to each other as wife...they didn't identify as butch femme.

This site is very familiar with folks being able to choose what fits them or that they identify as.

This is a great topic.

[Breezy]

How about husbutch?

[clay]

Interesting topic.
My GF & I were discussing this recently. We were talking of what would one call the other, etc. Hers would most likely be "husbutch" for me, and mine for her would be "wife". That is just what feels most comfortable to us.

As my great friend doc mentioned, "spouse" is gender neutral, and a good one.

Another great friend, firegal, had a good suggestion, too.

It really all depends on what others are comfortable with...there are many , many wonderful words that could apply in any given situation.

[Greyson]

For me, I am really over the term "My Partner." As a young person I always thought it made my gf and I sound like we were in business together or were partnered to play board games or cards.

I do not see myself as a "husband" because of all the historical misogny wrapped in that term. Spouse works for me. I will admit, I do like the sound of Mr. and Mrs.________.

[DamonK]

I'm with Greyson on Mr. and Mrs.

It shows a united front to me. An unshakable bond.

Husband and wife.

Partner is okay for now because there aren't many options out there for us that are fitting. Spouse is not one I care for. Nor is companion or life companion.

[o222Good]

I thought I would one day hear the words, "I now pronounce you husbutch and wife!"

[Glenn]

Strange..In the thirty or so years I was "married", whenever her family sent us a Christmas card, they would always address the envelope using our first names, but their own family name at the end. When my family send a card, they would use their last names, after our first names. When friends sent us a card or invitation, they used both of our names. We had both of our names on the mailbox.We did'nt call each other anything else besides our own names in all those years. But I still do not see anything at all wrong with the traditional Mr. if you ID as masc/trans for now. I personally, use to like the y used in Syr/Myster.

[Chancie]

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

[The_Lady_Snow]

We use Master and slave, my parents being who they are call him *El Grande* cause my mother has a hard time with calling him slave and pronouncing his name.


Heteronormative titles don't really fit our union, we aren't ever really going to purposefully blend in so what we refer to each other as will be non conventional.

[Maverick]

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

Good question! I agree, I'm tired of the term "partner" and its blandness. My lady likes the term wife and will use that I believe. Husbutch is a cool idea. I keep trying to picture the person marrying us saying "I now pronounce you ________ and wife!" or "Wife and ________", "Wife and wife"? Eh.. "Husbutch and wife" is better. The cool thing is we get to invent what's right for us and don't have to stick with the traditional hetero wordings if we don't want to. Years ago we made up a secret pet word to use in public for each other where we didn't feel safe or comfortable to say "honey" or 'sweetie" etc. We still use that word a lot but not because we're being stealth anymore. We just love the word now for what it represents to us.

[clay]

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

To answer your question, yes, I would.
Though personally not really hung up on titles, per se, I am comfortable with anything respectable.

[Chancie]

We use partner all the time. I don't think anyone has ever thought we own a business together. Our respective families use it too. I think Pete uses 'old lady' sometimes when she's talking about me, which I find charming and kind of funny.

I'm talking about running into a colleague or a friend from the gym, someone you know but your honey doesn't know. If you were in the supermarket or something, would you use 'husbutch'?

[Kobi]

I am very comfortable with partner, significant other, or spouse.

As a woman who loves being a woman and does woman her way, I would not be comfortable with something like husbutch, cuz it doesn't reflect who I am.

The only pronouncement I want to hear after our vows is..... I now pronounce you married in the eyes of the law and God.

[Toughy]

I like the term.....beloved

In ceremonies in SF, I have heard folks pronounced spouse and spouse. I believe on the gender neutral CA marriage license (when it was legal), the paperwork said: spouse 1 and spouse 2.

[Ascot]

An ex of mine has a sister who refers to her husband as "my friend". The first time we stayed with them and I heard her say that I was a bit taken aback, but only because I found myself thinking, "What? I thought they were married." I asked my girlfriend about it later and she said, "Oh, yeah, they are married, but my sister thinks "friend" is a much more meaningful honorific.". The point is, as others have said, go with what works for you. Let it evolve as it is wont to do.

Me, I like the ol' classic "ball and chain."

[o222Good]

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

I have given this some thought, and my answer is this. It comes down to whether I am talking to a straight person, in which case, I would not. Only because they wouldn't get it. I actually don't have any straight friends, so I'm not sure if this would happen anyway. Thanks for a good question!

[julieisafemme]

I love wife! I am happy to be a wife. Greyson prefers spouse for him. Husbutch is fine within the queer community for him but I would not use it with straight people. He will be my spouse.

[MsTinkerbelly]

When we were married we had ourselves pronounced as " I now pronounce you as married in the eyes of God and man", And we call each other wife in public. When we say wife it is immediately understood we are queer.

Not personally fond of husbutch, but to each his own.

[Gemme]

I give him many titles.

Asshat. Jerk. Baby. Daddy. Snickerdoodle.

He gives me many titles.

Smartass. Brat. Babygirl. Evil incarnate.

Publicly, though I prefer classic and simple terms.

I call him love or my love.

Occasionally, I will address him to others as my other half.

[LaDivina]

I call Scorp my wifeband :) or spouse, depending on who I'm talking to. I like beloved, though...I might have to start saying that.

She calls me wife. Or wifey-poo. :winky:

In our wedding, the officiant (Scorp's cousin) said, "I now pronounce you spouses for life."

[o222Good]

" I now pronounce you as married in the eyes of God and man"

Wow! I love this!
Thank you MsTinkerbelly!

[TheUltimateButch]

I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject.

Thanks,
Maverick

:cowboihorse:

Been married a year and still trying to figure it out! Thanks for sharing. Glad not to be the only one trying to figure this out!

[jac]

We will also be exchanging vows and becoming legally married thanks to the new law passed in last election and then we will be called _____ ummmm not sure yet what the titles will be.

As for right now I was calling her my girlfriend but since the time I asked her to marry me I have been referring to her as my fiancée. I love the ring that has and it helps folks adjust to the idea that we will be getting married in our future.

I don't foresee having issue with calling her my wife but as for how I am to be referred, well, let's just say that I am not keen on using the typical hetero terminology. I am also not into the whole husbutch thing either. I know for a fact I would never use that term out in my everyday public life. Spouse is okay, but it too is really not doing it for me.

When I became a grandparent, I refused to have the "grnadma, granny, grammy" sort of names. I researched ways to address a grandmother in other languages. I am of Spanish and Yiddish descent. Most of my family uses the Spanish terminologies so I figured why not try the Yiddish... and that's how I came up with the title of Boobeh.

I'm pretty sure I will do the same for this. Much to consider but plenty of time to do so.

[Bevidotcom]

Been married a year and still trying to figure it out! Thanks for sharing. Glad not to be the only one trying to figure this out!

Since you are a veterinarian...how about Doctor & Mrs. ________!!

[psykftm]

I'm so happy this thread is here, just thought about this yesterday. My gf are struggling a bit right now anyway, but I had thought about what would happen if everything worked out enough for us to want to get married in the future. We are both butch...I think she would be fine with wife if only I would be. I would prefer husband, but I'm sure my gf would not. We both hate that "who wears the pants" question, we always answer we're equals, so it would have to be an equal reference too.

Gonna have to follow this thread for sure

[RNguy]

For me, I am really over the term "My Partner." As a young person I always thought it made my gf and I sound like we were in business together or were partnered to play board games or cards.

I do not see myself as a "husband" because of all the historical misogny wrapped in that term. Spouse works for me. I will admit, I do like the sound of Mr. and Mrs.________.

Greyson , I agree very much with this statement. My wife and I are a very unique match in the Sence that She and I have 3 things in common . 1. Same humor , 2. Adventurous as we will try anything at anytime twice not once , 3. We love another and fit like a perfect key despite being opposites in every direction and we both agree that we have no clue Why two people who disagree about everything fit so well.
Like yourself, the term partner , upsets me as bad as your friend !
My retort is thus : I AM A NURSE, NOT A DOCTOR OR LAWYER OR BUSINESS MAN SO I DO NOT HAVE A PARTNER, AND WHAT FRIEND BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS !!!!
My wife is my wife and She prefers that title as do I prefer to call her that.
She will address me as her Daddy/ Spouse .
She will never say husband because She is a lesbian who happened to fall in love with a transgendered individual based on emotional, humor, semi smart haha , cant say goodlooking but She fell in love before any transitional actions .
We have and still partake in councelling for transitional issues etc..
Even what some may view a simple preference as a title can result in tension and lack of understanding . Who would have thought !!!!!! Not me until it occurred .
I think what matters is the end result of finding and agreement to the ultimate happy medium. We were able to do that , as we always seem to do . Sometimes its a rough road finding that place, but what Ive found in my 37 years is NOTHING worth while is ever easy and quick .
:)

[TheUltimateButch]

Since you are a veterinarian...how about Doctor & Mrs. ________!!

I am down with that and we are addressed that way. My problem is more about how she refers to me. Neither one of us are going to refer to me as her wife( dying just thinking about it). I am not her husband , just trying to find something that comes easily to both of us. Are you married? What do you refer to one another as?

[pinkajl]

Chiming in late to this thread. We love "husbutch", as we both think it captures the essence perfectly. I actually used it with a bunch of straight friends recently and it got an overwhelmingly positive response.

[cinnamongrrl]

Chiming in late to this thread. We love "husbutch", as we both think it captures the essence perfectly. I actually used it with a bunch of straight friends recently and it got an overwhelmingly positive response.

I heard a similar term that I love...."husbian" I give marks for creativity ;)

[imperfect_cupcake]

my ex-wife is butch. She was into butch-femme and was absolutely fine with it. I wouldn't have called her "my Mrs." though. Wife, to me, is not feminine. it's just female. She saw it the same way. But neither of us bought into hetero ideas of marriage either so we were fine.

I personally loved look across the room, grinning and say "oh the loud shouty laughing dyke? Yeah. that's my wife." I loved saying "that's my wife." thrilled me too bits. saying "that's my spouse" wouldn't really have the same... impact. for me. But I know if one is transqueer in terms of sex (not female) then I can see it not fitting. absolutely.

I wouldn't be able to call someone husbutch. It makes me cringe a bit. It just doesn't sound right to my ears, it sounds clunky and awkward. I'm sure to some couples it's great, but to me it's like writing "wimmyn" - constructed and uncomfortable. I'm just not one for it. But then I don't say "oh my femme friends..." or "see that butch over there?"

I think I just spent a long time in London where although people ID, it's just not called up much. It just kind of is. So all the qualifiers seems really... over used? to my ear. it's sounds like putting "gay" in front of everything. I'm taking my gay partner to see my gay friends and we're going to to a gay BBQ to eat some gay meat.

I prefer saying "me and the awesome fuck puppet are headed out with some mates to shove some nutrients in our talky holes. You in?" people know who I am and my friends genders and sexuality is irrelevant. No one's gender or sexuality is needed in that sentence.

But I know lots of people might find that verbiage awkward. Viva la difference...

[DapperButch]

I wouldn't be able to call someone husbutch. It makes me cringe a bit. It just doesn't sound right to my ears, it sounds clunky and awkward. I'm sure to some couples it's great, but to me it's like writing "wimmyn" - constructed and uncomfortable. I'm just not one for it. But then I don't say "oh my femme friends..." or "see that butch over there?"



Husbutch is very old school. It made me smile when I saw it because I haven't heard it in a while. Like you, though, it has always sounded clunky, just like wimmin has felt awkward. Perfecta adjectives for my experience, as well.

You helped me see wife in a different way...I did always think of it as "woman", rather than "female". Useful. Thanks!

[Greyson]

I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject.

Thanks,
Maverick

:cowboihorse:



For a lifetime I and others have been waiting for this Marriage Title,

Unequivocally Legal and Equal.

Today could be the day.

[BstlMyhart]

Someone who I was with for many years and whom I exchanged rings with, though never could legally marry here called me "Hersband". Worked for her and I didn't mind it either.

[~baby~doll~]

We use Master and slave...


Hetero-normative titles don't really fit our union, we aren't ever really going to purposefully blend in so what we refer to each other as will be non conventional.

i have to go along with Snow here. The hetero-normative terms just do not fit. Master would be replaced with Goddess or Mistress though. i speak of my partner usually as my Goddess and even in the straight community they see it as a term of love or respect. i may say, "my Goddess is over there." and get no strange looks.