The Booty Call.

[GeeGina]

I was weak. I caved, gave in, surrendered to temptation, and otherwise did that thing I swore I would not ever do again.

Answer the Booty Call.

It was late, I had some wine, and when my phone buzzed I knew that was her on the other end. Who else calls at 11:30 - then follows up with a text saying "Pick up, baby"?

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was Friday, maybe I was just feeling frisky...but I took the call and against my better judgement, was no less than 10 minutes later in a cab headed to her place.

Funny thing is that I don't feel guilty. I got what I needed, gave her what she needed and left next morning without a lot of fuss or muss. I vowed not to do this again...but am actually glad I did. My belief is that avoiding this person - a total player, by the way - gave her all the power. Today, I feel like I took some of it back for myself.

That said, I don't think I'm going back there again. The spell is broken.

[Ginger]

I was weak. I caved, gave in, surrendered to temptation, and otherwise did that thing I swore I would not ever do again.

Answer the Booty Call.

It was late, I had some wine, and when my phone buzzed I knew that was her on the other end. Who else calls at 11:30 - then follows up with a text saying "Pick up, baby"?

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was Friday, maybe I was just feeling frisky...but I took the call and against my better judgement, was no less than 10 minutes later in a cab headed to her place.

Funny thing is that I don't feel guilty. I got what I needed, gave her what she needed and left next morning without a lot of fuss or muss. I vowed not to do this again...but am actually glad I did. My belief is that avoiding this person - a total player, by the way - gave her all the power. Today, I feel like I took some of it back for myself.

That said, I don't think I'm going back there again. The spell is broken.


Next time maybe she can do the cab part.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think booty calls are great. both people get what they need.

people.seem to think there is no "feeling" or connection involved but that's not true. I don't have sex with people I don't feel attracted to or momentarily connected to. its a shared connection for an evening and it can be friendly and mutually beneficial. no one is "using" you or you "using" them. that's like saying someone isn't enjoying themselves and one is "making" the other person be there by force, lies or coersion. last time I checked, the last person I had a booty call with had a good time and got what she needed sexually. so how were either one of us used and what on earth should either of us feel guilty about?

I'm actually pretty shocked things have gotten so conservative over the years. it used to be when I was younger, that friendly no strings sex was actually encouraged. I was encouraged to have sexual experiences with people and my friends to find out what I liked and wanted sexually.
that getting to know someone sexually was just as important as getting to know someone emotionally and intellectually before making a commitment. and if it didn't work out you parted without calling each other of being a player.

a player is a confidence trickster who uses promises of love for sex and lies about other involvements. not someone who is above board and doesn't make declarations of love or promises of Fidelity before you know each other well enough.

I like booty calls and have a great respect for them. I did have one here briefly for a few weeks. shed call late on sat and ask to come over. wed have a couple of beer in the kitchen and then head to bed, have a shag, sleep, I'd get up and putter around doing what I needed to do and make her breakfast when she got up and shed go home. ideal if you ask me.

I'd love another one. or even a weekender booty holiday for someone out of town who comes through now and again. I'd love that while I'm single.

I do find it odd that single people can't get their needs met in a friendly and above board way. wtf happened? it used to be perfectly acceptable. I find them rarer than hens teeth now. hello, I'd like to have friendly connected sex and include breakfast. if it goes well we can do the same thing again next week or every other week or every third week. you are a nice person who is horny, I'm a nice person who is horny. let's have nice person horny sex together.


why is this difficult now?

[imperfect_cupcake]

and yes, etiquette dictates for booty call, that if she call you and asked you to come over in a cab, she should have paid the fair home.

[PoeticSilence]

When I was younger, I had my fair share of booty calls, and yeah, it was very acceptable and maybe even expected that single people participated in them. It wasn't any big secret, and sometimes we'd find out a few of us were all "seeing" the same person, and I don't remember there being any jealousy or bad feelings about it. I remember getting into a relationship that lasted seven years and when it ended, I looked up one of my old "friends with benefits" and spent the night with her. It was like those seven years didn't happen.

I don't know the situation, maybe it's an ex, and those can be awkward, but I still see them as doable. Just make sure you communicate.

[imperfect_cupcake]

oof, recent exes... yeah. I wouldn't advise booty calls with them. I've wound up in very bad positions because of that.

Old exes? sure, why not. it's propper over and if there's still some physical attraction, you know it won't get complicated.


And some of my longest and closest long term relationships started with casual sex.

[girl_dee]

I was weak. I caved, gave in, surrendered to temptation, and otherwise did that thing I swore I would not ever do again.

Answer the Booty Call.

It was late, I had some wine, and when my phone buzzed I knew that was her on the other end. Who else calls at 11:30 - then follows up with a text saying "Pick up, baby"?

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was Friday, maybe I was just feeling frisky...but I took the call and against my better judgement, was no less than 10 minutes later in a cab headed to her place.

Funny thing is that I don't feel guilty. I got what I needed, gave her what she needed and left next morning without a lot of fuss or muss. I vowed not to do this again...but am actually glad I did. My belief is that avoiding this person - a total player, by the way - gave her all the power. Today, I feel like I took some of it back for myself.

That said, I don't think I'm going back there again. The spell is broken.

why would you feel guilty? We all have needs. No harm no foul.

[GeeGina]

Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice...

What I didn't mention in my original post was that she and I...well, we have a history. I was more emotionally attached than she was during our time together and was burned by some callous actions...and yet I returned to the scene of the crime (haha). That complicates what should simply be a good time and 99% of why I was feeling the guilt previously.

Today, I'm so not feeling the guilt at all. Exactly the opposite - I'd forgotten what a proper slut I can be when so inspired. So, here's to more "nice person horny sex"...(a term I LOVE)

As for the trip home, I took the subway. A nice post-coital walk on a cool fall morning while sipping a strong coffee rounded things out well. She had me, but she's not keeping me.

[Ginger]

Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice...

What I didn't mention in my original post was that she and I...well, we have a history. I was more emotionally attached than she was during our time together and was burned by some callous actions...and yet I returned to the scene of the crime (haha). That complicates what should simply be a good time and 99% of why I was feeling the guilt previously.

Today, I'm so not feeling the guilt at all. Exactly the opposite - I'd forgotten what a proper slut I can be when so inspired. So, here's to more "nice person horny sex"...(a term I LOVE)

As for the trip home, I took the subway. A nice post-coital walk on a cool fall morning while sipping a strong coffee rounded things out well. She had me, but she's not keeping me.


Yeah I guess she had you. But it also sounds like you had her. And if the mood strikes, you could have her again. Enjoy.

[imperfect_cupcake]

that's a nice way of putting it!

[Medusa]

Consensual booty calls are awesome.

I kinda love it when adults fuck like adults!

[always2late]

GeeGina, I agree with some of the other posters, you've nothing to feel guilty about. The only problem with booty calls is when one of the participants anticipates an emotional connection from a physical act, or when one participant is misled, or under a mistaken impression about what the call means. But, from your description, you've got that part licked (no pun intended :D). And I hear you about feeling empowered...it can be VERY empowering to fulfill a need, act on your desire, take what you want from an encounter and leave it at that.

[Mel C.]

Power to the booty call. As long as consenting adults are honest about their intentions, what is there to feel bad about? No harm, no foul.

[macele]

this thing called booty call, ... i can't. i get so easily attached. i take just as much mental as i do physical. more so mental.

(f)

[LexiLove]

I used to be really good at booty calls. Haha. Meaning, I would have no feelings hurt, have fun, and just go home. I am older now, have kids, (if I am ever single again) I am not sure I could actually deal with booty calls anymore. I have two extra hearts to think about now.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I didn't think I could when I was married. but now, being in the position of never getting any sex/sexual physical contact, when I did have the opportunity for someone I sexually clicked with but didn't really have enough in common with to want to be romantic with - she was *really* into footie [soccar] and her whole life was about it. she was funny and an enjoyable chat for 90 mintues, before the footie chat started up lol and she had a good dominant vibe in bed. She did what *she* liked to do and enjoyed that I completely got off without much effort (because she was doing what she wanted... so... I could reach my bonna 40 times over no matter what she was doing)
And to me that's what makes a good bootycall. good sex, not really enough in common to provide much interest beyond that. but enough to have a good, fun natter and a laugh.

I can't be romantically interested in someone who doesn't talk much or we run out of things to talk about or I'm not very interested in their favourite subjects. Some people like the strong silent type that stares into your eyes. I can do that for a few seconds here and there and enjoy it, but not really much after that. I kind of start wondering if there's something in my eye.

I need to spend quality time hanging out, talking, being emotionally intimate, not just phsyically for me to fall for someone. so if the friendship, time, talk and hanging out isn't there along with sex... I can't fall in love. I need all of it. it's easier for me now. because I'm no longer mistaking verbal proclamations for reality. or great physical chemistry for more than that. I know how to emotionally hang back pieces of myself while enjoying and connecting and being appreciative and friendly.

I don't open myself up to fall in love unless I can have sex, friendship, quality time together, laughter and open emotional sharing and talking about our lives. It just won't happen. Insterting tab A into slot B with a nice chat won't make me fall madly in love.

I do recall people thinking it would though... after all, touching me with your magic phallus/butch cock will make me want to follow you around the globe, pining for your babies. ... *eyeball roll*
and weirdly, those are the ones that call me a slut for not feeling that way....

[GeeGina]

I don't need to have love to have sex. Yes - it's way better when I care about the person I'm enjoying it with, but not always required.

In fact, sex can be pretty damn good when there isn't a strong emotional component. That moment in time when two people are in the same space of mind at the same time and just want to get laid. No one's trying to reconnect, or respond to the other's larger emotional needs...it's just plain lust.

When I was in college and "out" in every sense of the word - out of the house, out of the closet, out in a new city, out on my own - I thrived on booty calls and hook ups. There wasn't much left after school and two jobs, so the casual hook up was a great way to blow off a little steam. I waited tables a girl bar here in Philly, so meeting people wasn't a problem. Another benefit was learning to expand my taste in partners.

I'm still a believer in the idea that whatever happens between consenting adults is their business. I also think it's fun to give in to those base urges we all have...every once in a while. Two people have to be on the same page, though. My mistake in the past with my recent booty call was being too emotionally involved. That blows up the simple beauty of the booty call/hook up.

[free-to-be]

And a booty call should STAY a booty call. Honestly is definitely the best policy!

[Wrang1er]

Is there a booty call list? ;)

[DapperButch]

Is there a booty call list? ;)

Yes. See cara for the list. For some reason she put herself on there 3 times. I am not sure what that is about.

[cara]

Yes. See cara for the list. For some reason she put herself on there 3 times. I am not sure what that is about.

LOL!

:blink:

[girllikeu2]

I am an absolute prude but (having had a booty call many years ago ... as in 12 plus) I feel like booty calls are just a reason to fill in something you are personally lacking (good sex, love, self esteem etc) and if you are in an LTR of any kind, legal or not you owe it to your partner to break it off long before a booty call happens unless a poly amory situation has been hammered out in ADVANCE). If yer single and free to mingle then knock your damn socks off.

Just my somewhat bitter 2 cents.

[Nat]

Heh I just naturally assumed this thread was not about cheating.

[JAGG]

When I was in my early 20's I was a Marine and traveled all the time,I was either just back from a deployment, getting ready to be deployed , or deployed somewhere, so I never wanted anything long term. If I was attracted to someone and she wanted to have some fun that was all I wanted. And it worked out great for me, and it was a very wise thing to do in hindsight. That way when I deployed I was free to do as I wanted. And no one was longing for me to get back to them, and I was able to live in the moment and not be wishing my lover was there etc. So basically every one was a booty call to me.
When I got out I moved to Tulsa AKA femmelessville USA and thought I would settle down find a good femme and get married maybe start a family, like my twin did and all my other siblings. My twin has been with the same femme for 24 yrs.
I however am not so lucky in love so to speak. The dream of getting married and having a family etc is fading . The family thing I gave up on that years ago. But I still held out hope of finding someone to spend my life with. But here lately I'm thinking maybe I should rethink all that. It's been nothing but one dead end disappoint after another. Plus I look at some people and the "partnerships" they are in and they are soooo unhappy and tied to the ball and chain, they are just miserable. Or this one is cheating on that one, or this one is abusive to that one etc. Sometimes I think I don't want any part of that, and I am better off and maybe I am really lucky that I have been alone all these years. Watching someone devote 19 yrs to someone else only to have them run off with another and leave them broke and broken. Nothing to show for 19 yrs except a broken heart. I know some people have been together a long time and don't cheat and are not abusive , but are they really happy? If they were deeply honest with themselves are they really truely happy , as happy as I am? I don't know.
Maybe I don't know what I want anymore. But I have really been thinking more and more that maybe I should go back to my old way of dating. Reading this booty call thread, really makes me think maybe that is the way to go for me. I don't know.

[Nat]

P.S. my two cents: I have no issue with the "booty call" and don't see it as a moral concern. I don't think you have to be in love to enjoy and be enjoyed by another person. I try not to forget that although I'm a human with all sorts of highfalutin ideas about love (yadda yadda), I'm also an animal with animal drives and an animal nature. I'd rather have a booty call than uhaul with somebody incompatable just because I have my lust-blinders on.

I do debate (with myself) whether mutual use is a dark aim and whether that's what casual sex ends up being. I've been accused of "using" even beloved people for sex, so I wring my hands a little about that. And sex can be a great drug - a great painkiller - while it lasts. So on that level, I do *try* to stay on the mutual enjoyment/pleasure side of things and away from the use side. Then again, mutual use can be pretty hot. So my verdict: anything goes but I recommend people try not to do another person damage.

[JAGG]

I should have added, I was always honest and up front from day one with everyone I dated. I wanted nothing long term I just wanted to have fun. If they agreed and were willing then we could go from there. I would not lead someone on in any way. And I would not purposely hurt someone or ever play with someones feelings.

[Sweet Bliss]

Booty calls seem to be the norm for young folks, as I have passed the quarter century mark, I wanted quality not quantity. Thought I found it a couple of times.

I was mistaken. Now past the half century mark, spending 16 years with one person has taught me book full of lessons. Dating has shown me even more lessons.

Now although I foolishly believe the love of my life is looking for me too, I have to face facts.

I would love to visit butches all over the country and ask them to try on my glass motorcycle boot, lol, fairy tale reference, BUT...

I'm freaking tired of the BS. I'm happy just teasing JAGG, chitchating with everyone.

She/He's not gonna knock on my window and play his/her guitar, or send me flowers just because ... great sex?? It's a myth. Yes I miss the tlc, but frankly I am exhausted from jumping hoops to partake.

Some lucky folks out there have the whole enchilada, some of us get chips without the salsa. I want nachos with all the trimmings.
:goodluck:

[Sweet Bliss]

I should have added, I was always honest and up front from day one with everyone I dated. I wanted nothing long term I just wanted to have fun. If they agreed and were willing then we could go from there. I would not lead someone on in any way. And I would not purposely hurt someone or ever play with someones feelings.

Maybe you used up all your booty cards.... semper fi babe. I'm not a fan of the " I just want to have fun" set.

I always still felt empty, alone, un cared for, and used. I felt a part of me die in the exchange. Didn't matter if I agreed to the terms of engagement. I prefer a relationship, even if short lived.

I realized long ago that I don't see sex with another person as just a way to let off tension or steam. I need a soul connection.

[Nat]

I actually feel soul-connection with people whether or not sex is involved. Sometimes it's short-lived, sometimes it's life-long or longer. But sometimes it's nice to just have a good romp and not feel all that. And I sort of hate fun - sex isn't "for fun" to me. (I always think of water skiers when I think of doing things "for fun.")

It's just a hunger and a fire.

[Sweet Bliss]

I actually feel soul-connection with people whether or not sex is involved. Sometimes it's short-lived, sometimes it's life-long or longer. But sometimes it's nice to just have a good romp and not feel all that. And I sort of hate fun - sex isn't "for fun" to me. (I always think of water skiers when I think of doing things "for fun.")

It's just a hunger and a fire.

That's what I am trying to say, thank you Nat, I just want to have fun means let's go camping to me, not "let's get busy". Lol, I sound like I got offers, lol, :seeingstars:

[JAGG]

Maybe you used up all your booty cards.... semper fi babe. I'm not a fan of the " I just want to have fun" set.

I always still felt empty, alone, un cared for, and used. I felt a part of me die in the exchange. Didn't matter if I agreed to the terms of engagement. I prefer a relationship, even if short lived.

I realized long ago that I don't see sex with another person as just a way to let off tension or steam. I need a soul connection.

Your right the connection would be missing. I am sure it would just leave me feeling empty and lonely.

[Sweet Bliss]

Well, maybe you could hold an open house, give a seminar on all the benefits of being your lover. Maybe Unka Jo could help you make a power point presentation for the ladies.

There are several power Femmes here, maybe they can offer some tips?

Perhaps you need to have more parties at your place? Show off those BBQ skills? Flex your griller muscles? Lol, that is the best part of nursing a beer, watching muscles! :)

How about a slumber party? Sponsor one of those lingerie home parties, serve wine etc., tell your butch friends to bring their checkbooks and each femme to bring an available femme friend.

Just some ideas to get you started.

Who loves ya!? Aunty Bliss !!!!

[Amber2010]

I have done both.. One thing I did learn from the "Booty" call is to communicate right from the start and don't make it something you have established as a weekly/monthly thing with this person because the booty call can end up to something more to one or both people were looking for. This did happen to me where I developed strong feelings again for this person and when this person broke it off for good I realized it became more then what it started out to be for me.

[Kobi]

I have only done the booty call thing once in my life. I didn't care for it.

Recreational/casual sex works for some people. It doesn't work for me. I have never had the desire to be a sex toy or tool for another's gratification. Doing so made me feel cheap, used, and just awful about both me and them.

For me, it is kind of like being hungry and settling for fast food when you really crave a fine dining experience.

[peachy]

I have had my eyes peeled for the right booty bud for a while and no luck yet. I used to dream about finding the one, and a while back I really thought I had done, but everything changes, I have discovered. Maybe the One I was looking for isn't in one person, maybe the one is more ethereal, like a melody, and there are many violins taking turns as the lead. I am getting less sentimental as time goes on and I value honesty more than romance these days. An honest booty buddy who likes and respects me and on those days when it suits us both...why not...

[Nat]

I don't mind feeling a little cheap sometimes myself, but I think it really depends on the people involved whether either party goes home feeling cheap or used. I've been told by more than one past person (not on this site) that I made them feel used for sex even when my heart *was* engaged (oops) - so I guess feeling cheap isn't reserved just for booty calls either.

[Aud]

Booty call: sometimes it's just what the Dr. ordered!
But never without emotion--I'm too mammalian for that.

I could never have sex with someone I basically disliked, or someone I
am just physically attracted to, but think they're as dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks.
Sooo, if there's friendly feelings, mutual consideration & honesty, why not?
It's a lot more fun than an evening spent playing Scrabble.

[deedarino]

Used to do the booty call thing in my youth, never worked out for me as I would always "fall in love" and end up broken-hearted or even worse the opposite would happen and I would be stuck cleaning up that mess.

Although I am sure I would handle a booty call better these days, and it sometimes seems attractive, I am probably better off staying home with my vibrator until I can get reservations to the steak house down the street. (Kobi, fine dining doesn't put enough on my plate :))

[imperfect_cupcake]

Maybe you used up all your booty cards.... semper fi babe. I'm not a fan of the " I just want to have fun" set.

I always still felt empty, alone, un cared for, and used. I felt a part of me die in the exchange. Didn't matter if I agreed to the terms of engagement. I prefer a relationship, even if short lived.

I realized long ago that I don't see sex with another person as just a way to let off tension or steam. I need a soul connection.

See that's where I differ from most lezbonics. I cannot, cannot, cannot do the sort term relationship soul connection thing. It leaves me ripped up and wibbly and full of drrrrraaaaama.

Lots of people can do the casually in love thing... And by that I mean the short term soulful connection... I can't.

So booty calls are great. I care about the person in a friendship type way, but not in a romantic way. There is a connection in a friendly way, but not in a stare into my eeeeeeyyyyyeeeeeezzzzzz way.

It doesn't feel empty to me at all. And I don't feel I use anyone. I give just as much pleasure as I take. There is no using going on. We are sharing lust, happiness, and sex. And having a laugh me breckfast in the morning and then they go home.

I can't do casual romance. It hurts. And too many lezbeanz I know require it for their sex sessions. To me it feels like being used. Probably because I don't let anyone in that far and when I do, I fucking bloody well mean it. And when I mean it, I mean it to stay.

So I don't do that unless I know that we've already had great sex, we both have common goals, we both feel like we deeply get each other, she feels like my friend, there s lots of laughter and banter, we really bounce off each other. *then* I will make a romantic connection.

I have sex with people before I date them, preferably.

So booty calls, for me, are fun possibilities that can either be just sex, or if there's enough chemistry and friendship that grows out of it, and I learn to trust them, then something good.

But I don't do casual romance. That's like stapling my own hand to my face and eating through it. Just like some people can't do casual sex.