Femmes Who Strap <3

[Nat]

Hey there my femme sisters - I know I'm not the only femme out there who has enjoyed strapping. Or who'd like to try it. Y'all out there? How do you feel about it, what do you enjoy most about it?

I am going to include an anonymous poll in this for those of y'all who feel shy answering such things.

[Nat]

I've enjoyed strapping but most of the people I have climbed into bed with have not been inclined to enjoy such things. I realized today I was feeling a little wistful about the likelihood of experiencing that again given my other tastes. I don't neeeeeed to strap, but wow it's neat when you're with somebody who enjoys it. :)

[TruTexan]

I think I'm gonna enjoy reading this thread myself. I"m not femme but I"ve often wondered what it would be like if a femme I was with would do this with me. :blush:

[sofimichi]

I tried, but I started to giggle, and my bf wasn't to keen on it ever since.
Whoops! :S

[imperfect_cupcake]

"other"
I strap when requested. I won't on my own as it's not one of my best loved activities but it doesn't put me off either. I've enjoyed it when they have *really* been into demanding it, and loving it and I'm happy to provide something that they really enjoy. But mostly I forget about it as it's not something I wank over in my head.

[*Anya*]

My girlfriend is not stone but is not into being strapped by a femme at all!

I think hell no were her exact words.

I have had the great pleasure in my past lives with others but seriously doubt it is in my future.

I only miss it once in a while...

[Gemme]

I've done it and it was good. A little awkward the first time but what isn't. It's not something I specifically crave nor get requests for, so I haven't strapped in a long time.

When I'm totally stressed out and feel a loss of control in my life, I have strapping dreams sometimes. Those are nice. I've worked out a lot of issues that way.

[Julie]

For me, it depends on my partner. When I was a wee young thing (about 30) my ex and I went into PTown and I convinced her to go to the sex shop. She was not comfortable with me using a traditional strap, so I purchased a thigh harness. Definitely not the same experience as a strap that goes over pelvis, but hot nonetheless.

I grew into a full leather harness and had a plethora of lovely cocks! They were mine and I owned them. So, I would say, I strapped for the next 10 years and LOVED LOVED LOVED it. It was hot.

Today, hell no! If I never experience another strap/cock on these hips - I will be happy. Thankfully, my fabulous Dreamer would shudder at the idea of me strapping. Though, I have thought... Hmmmmm - Perhaps I should just fuck with his head and wear one on our wedding night! SURPRISE BABY!!!!

Oh, and I wish the poll had an option for - I tried it, and I loved it, but today it is not for me.

Julie

[The_Lady_Snow]

I enjoy sex, period, and sometimes the sex I desire, want, crave and need includes me burying my cock deep in some.....


I hope, that more Femme's come in here and discuss this desire, want, need or exploration of themselves without judgment and *eww* commentary..

Thanks for the thread Nat!

[ProfPacker]

I agree with you, Lady Snow. After ending a 34 year marriage (many years of lesbian death bed) I am discovering me love of femme cock, but cock, strapping, etc. I have begun to develop a collection of femme cocks and have recently fallen in love with me femme glass cock (omg). Nothing better than awakening to the fact that I am a sexual human. lol

[imperfect_cupcake]

I find femme cock very attractive. the few femmes I have been very attracted to have been dominant, top, and cock wielding. I may feel a bit "meh" about doing it myself (tho fun in the moment if spurred into it) but its been something that has attracted me to the rare femme. I can pick up on it before I know about it.

I was at a party and this one femme who was a bit "ladette" (hard to explain... wolfish. likes pool, beer, rough humoured, bit letchy) and very funny, but related to me a gentleman/rakish/letchy manner. making me laugh and then staring at my body and grinning - but not long enough to be disconcerting, more like an intense glance.

she gave me a ride to the store for more supplies and sitting next to her my whole body response was... it knew something my conscious brain didnt. she related to me just like my exwife did. we got to talking and she playfully made some kind of comment, I can't recall what it was but it wasn't direct... that she packed sometimes and talked about how she just wanted a lovely feminine girly girl to spoil and bascially fuck the hell out of.

my words. not hers. she was a bit more delicate.

it was one of the very few times I thought, while I was with my wife, oh I so would. its very hard to turn my head in the first place and I had only had three people made think "oooo" when I was with inks. she was one of them.

for me, attraction is about 1) a cock on a female or woman 2) a certain dynamic and that dynamic can actually be found between not just butch-femme (I know. I've spoken sacrelig. but hey, I have had queer dykes who weren't butches treat me with the same intent and 'manner' as a butch has). 3) tomboyish or masculine. she wasn't masculine, but she was tomboyish in a particular manner 4) Dominant

so femme cock is far from "ew" to me. just meh, for me wearing it.

[imperfect_cupcake]

(but thats different than hand using a dildo. which I can have great fun and skill doing. just not fond of looking down and seeing one between my legs. though I might feel different about it if I had a glitter harness and a spectacular disco dildo. Or one shaped like a nun)

[Nat]

I remember when my very first cock and harness came in the mail. I was pretty intimidated by the thought of wearing it, but I knew that the first time I put it on I wanted to be alone because I wanted to know how it felt. I wanted to know on my own if it would bother me or if I'd be cool with it. So as soon as I had some time alone, I unpacked it and figured out the harness and put it on. My first harness was a bit frustrating, but what I didn't know then was that there would in time come a certain satisfaction in tightening one down on me, that the act of fastening and tightening a harness would become a small erotic ritual of its own. That first time though it was a utilitarian effort. And I may have lingered in front of the mirror, may have worn it around for a while while I considered the implications and my future activities wearing such a thing. I liked seeing it in the mirror and I liked that when I looked down, between my breasts I could see it down there hard and ready. I guess it was the beginning of a new friendship, a new knowledge of myself. It felt good to wear it.

Then soon it was time to try it out. I think my greatest surprise was how instinct kicked in just fine. I didn't know if it would. I thought maybe it would be too alien an experience for me to get into. But my body knew what my mind did not.

Normally I don't have any strong desire to pack, but occasionally I've done it under a skirt. I liked being all dolled up and girly, and then knowing what I had lurking underneath, ready to go, pressed against me and waiting.

[ProfPacker]

omg, Nat, you have read my mind, a kindred soul, femme packer (like me) strapping I need to find others who are like minded. whoa, I am dying to go pack

[Apocalipstic]

I don't have to have it, but it blows the top of my head off.

[Nat]

I don't have to have it, but it blows the top of my head off.

Well-said!! :D

[ProfPacker]

wow, I haven't packed in about three weeks. Thanks to this thread I just put on my athletic briefs and packer (femme cock) and I am feeling so good. It's funny how my body just wants to start thrusting with it in.

[Queenie]

Over the years I have worn a strap on a few times. There just something really hot about wearing a strap on for me. I love everything about it! I love the way I look with it on, I love how I can make my other half cum, beg for more and also beg for mercy. Oh I am turning my self on...

[Soft*Silver]

I strap. For decades I vowed I was a femme who would never strap on. I was totally opposed to wearing a strap on. Then I met chrissy. And glory bells and clouds parting occurred! I love the sense of power I have when I am in the depths of our lovemaking! I wish I hadnt wasted all those years of not doing this!

My sexual journey has been an interesting one. He has opened new worlds for me in many other ways as well.

Of the butches I have been with, none of them would EVER have entertained the thought of their femme wearing a strap on, let alone using it on them. If I were single, I wouldnt dismiss a potential butch if he werent willing to try this with me. But I would want an open relationship so I could continue to indulge with others.

So much has changed with my ideals of relationships...

[puddin']

2 o' da greatest sex partners i've had were femmes who adored to strap it on. i have no issue givin' it up. it was hawt, hawt, hawt i say. i think it was mo' enjoyable to feel them feel their own power than to feel it bein' thrust in. (but lawd, that was hawt, too!)

[Nat]

On a slightly different note - perhaps because I have a few pangs of my own on this - and maybe this isn't something people will feel comfortable answering openly but I'll try to at least get the question(s) out there:

Do you as a femme feel pressure not to admit enjoying strapping? Or pressure to not enjoy it? or pressure not to share about it due to how it might cause your sweetie to be perceived should she/hy/he be known to enjoy receiving? Is there shame in femme cock?

And for the more masculine members of the community: Is there shame in taking femme cock? Do those of you who DO enjoy it feel a need to keep that secret so as not to be viewed as less masculine?

I know for a lot of people it's simply not their thing. But does anybody else feel pressure? Because even though I started the thread and even though I confess I enjoy strapping at times, I do have a slight fear that admitting so will make me appear less of a femme or less desirable. I refuse to be ashamed of exploring and practicing whatever range of sexual proclivities I happen to enjoy, but the fact that I have to choose to refuse to be ashamed tells me that on some level I experience shame that I then have to reject.

[ProfPacker]

Hi Nat,

I really appreciate your honesty. I know how you feel since I have just begun to explore my attraction to strapping (which I have done before) and packing which I am just enjoying, as a femme. I know there is some shame because I have only talking about the strapping and packing here on site. I also know that although I would like to pack when going out I have not tried it for fear of reactions if the packing is noticed. I am conflicted because sometimes I think I would like to have it noticed. I am not really sure what the packing is all about. In the past I would have "analyzed" it but now I want to say f**ck that and just enjoy it. Since I am knew to being single I really don't know where to go with all this new found sexuality.

I have had a couple of femmes online like the idea of my packing and being turned on by it but this is still the very beginning of a journey for me.

I appreciate your candor and the fact that it is allowing others to dialogue about it. I guess, although not looking for a LTR now, I am just looking for someone to explore all these feelings with. I want a femme or soft butch to oww and ahh at my femme cock.

wow, surprising myself by opening up so.

[imperfect_cupcake]

as someone who is happy to do it for someone who wants it *and* being single I do feel *on these boards* (but not in my town) that by saying that, people would cross me off for consideration of a date.
most partners, no matter what their sexual proclivities are, generally have not wanted me to out them for anything sexual. that's why I generally talk about vauge exes. none of my partners have "got" my flippant/unconcerned blah blah about sex in a public manner.

[The_Lady_Snow]

On a slightly different note - perhaps because I have a few pangs of my own on this - and maybe this isn't something people will feel comfortable answering openly but I'll try to at least get the question(s) out there:

Do you as a femme feel pressure not to admit enjoying strapping? Or pressure to not enjoy it? or pressure not to share about it due to how it might cause your sweetie to be perceived should she/hy/he be known to enjoy receiving? Is there shame in femme cock?




I don't outside of online venues, outside of online venues how I fuck is not shocking or viewed as negative. I tend to think about how I am going to post or if I am going to on online venues there is almost a feeling of angst typing about how I like to fuck. There is a lot of *shaming*, *belittling*, *eewwing*, and *less than* attitudes when it comes to Femme Cock.

I enjoy it, it's something I am not willing to give up, it's important and vital to keeping me sexually aroused, satisfied, and happy. My enjoyment is met with some pretty ugly, hateful, shameful criticism from others and not only is it placed on me but also super imposed on anyone I decide to date/fuck/partner/be friendly with. Not only are all these things done then people have the weird, sick, odd, hateful, homophobic audacity to place a less than value of judgement on the people who I interact/fuck/love/sex up with. The hateful assignments have gone as far as imply that the people I am with are less than as in half a person for enjoying Femme Cock..

Penetration in online venues comes with this ridiculous assignment that it is feminizing, that only a bottom fucks. girly. emasculates a person etc etc. It's ok for femme/girls/womenwhoarefeminine to be prenetrated, Femme Cock doesn't have the perceived power that butch/masculine/guy/boy/boi/cock does, Femme Cock is assigned as silly, ridiculous, gross, eeewy. ickie and so on, this asumption is continously perpetuated by not only women of the feminine persuasion all the way up to the women who present masculine to self made men in online forums.

*I* personally believe that Femme Cock will continue to be looked upon with continous disapproval by the online venues unless more people open up and talk about their desires surrounding Femme Cock.


I am hoping this thread does that!

[The_Lady_Snow]

as someone who is happy to do it for someone who wants it *and* being single I do feel *on these boards* (but not in my town) that by saying that, people would cross me off for consideration of a date.
most partners, no matter what their sexual proclivities are, generally have not wanted me to out them for anything sexual. that's why I generally talk about vauge exes. none of my partners have "got" my flippant/unconcerned blah blah about sex in a public manner.

THIS in bold, I totally agree and also if they do not cross you off the dating list, they place you on the list of the go to girl for a good fuck, it doesn't matter that you have never even considered them, sexual empowerment comes with assigned shit that is pretty gross and sexist.

Thanks for letting bounce off ya HB *winks*

[*Anya*]

I think it also should be noted of my sister femmes responding to the poll:

10% of us consider it vital to their (our) sex life.

25% of us enjoy strapping and are happy when we get to strap.

13.33% of us never have strapped but want to strap.

That is a grand total of 48.33% of femmes that have positive to very positive feelings/thoughts/enjoyment of strapping.

Just sayin'.

:cheerleader:

[TruTexan]

When I first came out and was with a much older lesbian femme, she loved using hand held dildos, Of which I would figure out ways to use them like a strap on......hee hee, talented little ol' me.
Anywho, I was not really into her doing that to me, I was afraid and young at the time. Well one evening at home with her, she had her way with me and penetrated me with a dildo. Man was that different experience for me. Turned me on huge. She never once made me feel less than the butch I was or tried to emasculate me at all. IT was in later years that another woman I was with that did that. If I asked her to, she would penetrate me using a hand held dildo, but she made me feel less of a butch and I backed off from having any penetration at all and I ended up leaving her in the end.
I think sometimes a butch can be made to feel that way if it's rubbed in your face like it was for me, or in other ways. I know NOT ALL women would do this and I'm glad they wouldn't because it's not a good thing to make someone feel less than the butch that they are for wanting it.
I"ve yet to find a femme lover that would actually strap on and not make me feel less than the butch that I am, maybe one day I"ll find that playful lover/partner.
I don't see anything at all wrong with femmes packing or using a strap-on with their partners. Who's business is it anyway? Certainly NOT MINE or anyone elses what they choose to do in their own homes behind closed doors.
I honestly can't say I"ve ever seen a femme pack either, not in r/t or otherwise.

[hagster]

Sex doesn't make us who we are; doesn't make us butch or femme or gay or straight. You like cock or you don't. Hand held or strapped or any other form it comes in. Why does giving or receiving make anyone more or less than in any given identity? Lots of femmes don't like taking cock and lots of butches don't strap and neither makes anyone less than. How we express ourselves sexually is individual and has no correlation to identity-based personal value. To award that based solely on who fucks whom is buying into the wrong set of standards.

This judgment is part of the hetero patriarchy that so many of us refute and abhor and to use those same standards with each other is assinine. Women are weak, men are strong; to receive is weakness, to give is power. In the straight world, pegging isn't talked about because real men don't get fucked. In our world, the negative reactions to femmes strapping and butches taking it are rooted in those same stale morals and gender definitions. It's ok to say 'no thanks' but it's not ok to make a comment that belies those negative social mores. Sex isn't about power unless that's predetermined between those involved. Why can't it just be about feeling good?

And oh yeah, as a butch, I'd melt if I saw that coming towards me.

[TruTexan]

I think a femme that straps-on would look totally hot and would make me swoon too!! and the sex..........oh soooooo haaawwttt!! woohooo!!

[Gemme]

I agree with Snowy and hb, in terms of how it's perceived and how it's used as a shaming tool. Very few of my partners have been open to femme cock and/or asked for it.

Unlike Snowy, it's not something that I need to add to my repertoire for complete satisfaction, but I see the shaming and 'eww'ing from time to time and it feels shitty even from outside the bubble.

[Cin]

to receive is weakness, to give is power.

It is true that this is how many look at sex. There is no shortage of sexist and misogynistic people that's for sure. Fortunately they don't run my sex life. I prefer to give, but since I take all my cues from my partner it's hard to believe that I am actually the one with the power or even the control really. The illusion is that I'm have the power, that I'm in control, but it's not the reality. I probably have more power when I'm on the receiving end. But anyway I have no problem receiving when I'm in the mood. Truthfully, I am not always open to receiving, I'm just not wired that way. But when I am interested in receiving, I love to be fucked. Fuck me silly thank you very much. I'm not big on receiving oral sex. It feels like too much focus on me. I can't concentrate that hard. Love to give it though. But when it's me being done bring on the femme cock. That's how i like it. Penetration is what works best for me. However, most things are negotiable. And it's not a requirement that my partner strap. There's more than one way to fuck this butch. But if she likes to strap, that's really hot. It's funny I don't look at it as butch cock when I strap, I don't see it as an extension of myself. But calling it femme cock when a partner straps, that makes me smile.

[Cin]

And for the more masculine members of the community: Is there shame in taking femme cock? Do those of you who DO enjoy it feel a need to keep that secret so as not to be viewed as less masculine?

I just saw this. I'll do my best to answer.

Is there shame in taking femme cock?

Well there are plenty of people who would like to shame me for taking femme cock and admitting I love it. There are those who are more than happy to hand out some shame if I'll take it.

Do I feel a need to keep that secret so as not to be viewed as less masculine?

Well, let's review. Besides being a butch, I am a woman, a feminist, and a lesbian. I use the pronoun she. I admit to wearing both women's and men's clothing including underwear. And my online name is Miss Tick.

I think that ship has sailed.

Do I care? Not really. Maybe a little. I don't know. I suppose so. Yes. No.
All of the above.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Yes, yes, yes on the seeing and experiencing Femme Cock shaming and "ewwwing". It really pisses me off and I try and speak up about the fact that I have a cock whenever it seems like people need to check their assumptions at the door. I mean, how could someone who looks cute and girly use and identify with a cock, right? *facepalm*

I have strapped since my first ever sexual relationship when I was a teenager. It's always been "normal" to me. My boyfriend was a cisman and a lot older and he asked me to strap with him, so I did and I really liked it. Over time, I came to really identify with my cock and wanting to being the one that penetrates and fucks, and there is a lot of gender shit bound up in there that I think Femmes RARELY ever get to talk about. My cock is essential to me, and is a part of my identity. I would love to see Femme cock talked about openly and freely.

I was never SHAMED for it, though, until I came into the Butch/Femme community. The online shaming is particularly bad, I agree with that. Though I have been shamed in r/t and seen my partners shamed in both forums (for lack of a better word). I have been worried about being honest about being open about that aspect of my sexuality before due to these experiences. These days I give less of a shit except for where I feel it's necessary to speak up and be visible, and lend my solidarity as a Femme and also to feminine women being sexually empowered in general.

It gets really tiring to STILL see certain sex activities being AUTOMATICALY labeled as masculine or feminine or dominant or submissive or any combination thereof. For me, my cock is very much wrapped up in my experience as a Dominant--but that's my experience of it. And I have never been less Femme for strapping, nor ever seen my partners as less Butch or less of a man.

I will leave it at that for now, but I really look forward to more conversation and will try to come back at another time when I feel more able, to talk about Femme cock and gender.

[Martina]

It's kinda reassuring to read this re the shaming -- sadly. Sometimes I think this stuff is just me, being overly sensitive, or framing things too often in terms of some ism or another. But it really does happen, doesn't it?

The worst I ever got in this community, offline and on, was not re femme cock but when I first dated a femme (here in CA). Real "ewwwwws" from people who ought to know better. Lots of them. The worst of it is that a few people weren't nice to the woman I was seeing. Oh well. Old news.

[Words]

I think it also should be noted of my sister femmes responding to the poll:

10% of us consider it vital to their (our) sex life.

25% of us enjoy strapping and are happy when we get to strap.

13.33% of us never have strapped but want to strap.

That is a grand total of 48.33% of femmes that have positive to very positive feelings/thoughts/enjoyment of strapping.

Just sayin'.

:cheerleader:

Personally, the idea of strapping leaves me cold (even though I'm very much in touch with the idea of my clit as a real cock in my head). I would add to that that even being on the receiving end of a strap on isn't my cup of tea - it's the visual of the strap itself that makes it all seem just a little too 'fake'

I can only speak for myself (obviously), but the reason why *I* haven't responded until now is that I saw this thread as a celebration of femme cock and didn't feel comfortable coming into a thread that celebrates something to say what I've said in my first paragraph. Your post made me realize though that by not being honest, I'm screwing (excuse the pun) with the statistics.

So no, not for me BUT really glad to see other femmes posting that it's something they enjoy.

Words

[always2late]

I strapped once, quite some time ago, at my partner's request. I didn't enjoy it, but since I've not done it since, I can't truly say if the issue was strapping, or the partner I had at the time. Perhaps, with a different partner, I would have found it more enjoyable...but I honestly can't say.

[Kobi]

And for the more masculine members of the community: Is there shame in taking femme cock? Do those of you who DO enjoy it feel a need to keep that secret so as not to be viewed as less masculine?




Shame? No. It's my body. It is a female body. There is a range of things that makes it feel good. For me to feel shame would mean I am embarrassed to be a woman. That's just not going to happen.

Secret? No. Sex starts way before you hit the bedroom. If someone is treating me in a rigid, stereotypical way when I am upright, it is not likely to change when we hit the bedroom.

For me, it is about seeing me as the multifaceted woman I am vs trying to mold me into a one dimensional person someone else needs or wants.

[ProfPacker]

this has been one of the most freeing threads I have read on my short time on bfp. I came out in 1968 and there was not room for a discussion such as this. You were butch, femme, radical lesbian. The politics drove the definition more than the sexuality. In fact when I was in a group therapy with other lesbians and we talked about our many sexualities we tried to be PC about it, which meant on appearance we were accepting but we were never really sex positive. I probably would have strapped as a femme a long time ago. I probably would have packed under my suede minis at the bars in NY then and reveled in the surprise (if my slow dance partner) felt my femme cock waiting for her when we danced. But I didn't. How I restricted myself.

Even at home when I pack (I haven't been sexual other than online with anyone since I left my partner 1.5 years ago) I find myself not allowing the full joy of experiencing my femme cock. I am though, for the first time, when I pleasure myself enjoying using my many different femme cocks on myself).

I have my first date on Sunday and although this feels like something that I can mention here if and when I get sexual with someone not sure how to approach it

I am too old to let eeewwing get in my way. I have let too many things in life define me even when I wanted to define myself.

I respect the women on this thread who are willing to self reflect and share so that others can follow suit.

[PwrFemme]

I'd like to thank all of you for your posts. I've read each of them. You all seem very self-assured. I'm not going to try to name names but make comments to different things I read that stood out to me.

I strapped once at my partner's (at the time) request. It didn't feel comfortable to me. That said, I have no problem with a femme strapping. I dislike the judgmental people who think it's okay to voice their negative opinions about people not "fitting" into the box they feel each of us should be in based on a label.

my name is PwrFemme for a reason. I don't strap but I see power in being a femme. Some people feel "femme" and "weak" should go together. I also wear the label of feminist and have heard negativity attached to that label as well.

I am attracted to Femme's as well as to Heelbilli, my spouse. That is an admission that I haven't shared much because, as already said, people "eww" you. I guess approaching 50 makes me care less what people think and maybe I'll start speaking my mind more.

I'm joining this thread and I hope it's a place you all will continue to be out-spoken and where I can feel comfortable being me.

[ProfPacker]

pls bear with me because I am putting random thoughts regarding this thread on paper. I am trying to tie what we are saying to what we have all internalized in this society regarding our female development. We are taught what "female" is by our dominant society, mostly white male, who owned females by virtue of marriage and others by virtue of the idea that anyone other can be owned, dehumanized and abused. We are taught many things in our lives that are untrue, particularly in the history of this country regarding power and privilege.

As women we tend to NOT support each other using unconscious micro and social aggressions. That is what, I believe, we are all speaking out against. It goes unsaid that ewww and it's not masculine or feminine or whatever is really bullying. This thread is sort of saying we are going to be supportive of choice and dialogue with the bystanders.

I know I sound "academic" but I am an academic and teach all this but unless we own our own parts in the process that is all it is: academic.

This is important on this site and other places in our lives. Like I said to myself today. What if I did pack outside? Where would I go, how will I handle any perceived "ews" that's weird, etc.

We can as a site, co-construct our worlds. We are already doing it. But social aggression is how "woman" have been allowed to demean other women in the dominant society. Let's be aware of our day to day behavior....and wiggle the finger at ourselves when we act in a heterosexist, racist, ismphobic way. (In class if someone is caught by another student doing something that has been constructed out of demeaning the other: ie. when we say "he or she is on the bottom of the totem pole", "brown nosing, etc). We wiggle the finger and the all discuss our treaspasses not tear each other down for them.

thanks, again for listening

[bright_arrow]

I've never strapped, and the thought has never been one to make its way into my mind. There is no "ew" factor in the least, but it is never something I thought about.

My first girlfriend and I never used any toys - honestly, I am not sure I even KNEW about them at that age. Same went for my second girlfriend. It actually wasn't until I dated my last boyfriend that I even OWNED any toys. So, I came out fully, met a girl, and she actually shamed me for liking penetration period. We're just talking basic, slim, not-cock-realistic $10 vibrator here. I was informed that I was NOT a lesbian if I liked penetration. Well, okie-dokie, toys went into the trash and we parted ways. After that, I have only been partnered with stone partners (I feel the need to comment that it's just happened that way, it's not like I told myself "Okay, no more giving sex, just taking it!")

So, I have only been on the receiving ends of strap-on's. Sometimes it's the last thing I want, sometimes it's the one thing I want (and a lot of dirty words and hair-pulling, but I regress..). If my partner ever requested it, it is something I would be more than willing to try. In the mean time, it will just be one of those area's I've not yet explored, but by no means would I ever shame or make anyone feel lesser.

I personally would not cross someone off my list for strapping/NOT strapping/wanting ME to strap.

Just my .02 :)

[Soft*Silver]

I have been scolded as a femme for liking my cock. Even to the tune of saying I am transitioning into a butch. The hell I am! I am a femme, no matter what I do or who I am with or how I look. For a brief second I actually considered this was true and then shook it off me like a cold rain.

I remember Kobi commenting on some of my posts about strapping and she was so encouraging. I have to thank you for that, Kobi. It made a huge difference in my psyche. I knew I was enjoying it and didnt really give a damn what others felt but it sure felt good when a butch said WOWSA! in a positive way.

The thing I battle, is that my mate is a male and no one and I mean no one wants to hear that hetero male (in their eyes..which is so fucking far from who he is) enjoys being fucked. Its even better that it would be between two men, than a woman fucking a man.

[*Anya*]

The thing I battle, is that my mate is a male and no one and I mean no one wants to hear that hetero male (in their eyes..which is so fucking far from who he is) enjoys being fucked. Its even better that it would be between two men, than a woman fucking a man.

Actually, there are many hetero men that like, enjoy and desire anal sex.

There is even a word for it: pegging.

Per the Urban Dictionary:

"Pegging
When the tables are voluntarily turned on heterosexual anal intercourse and the female servicee becomes the servicer for the man. Because most women don't have penises, a strap-on dildo is necessary."

I think we need, in general, to stop policing how each of us has sex!

Why do we judge each other? Why are we not allowed to enjoy sex in the manner and in the way that best works for us?

I know that I have been guilty of it myself and reading everyone's posts has never made me more aware of it before.

If I am judging you; I am judging myself.

I am going to work on that.

[LilyTheCat]

Done it but would absolutely LOVE to try! :)

[Runner]

The uber confidence my ex got from strapping were the hottest experiences I've had.

For me sex is the ultimate platform for self expression and if it feels good who cares about whether or not it fits neatly into a particular ID "box".

I genuinely feel that people who judge others on how they live their (sex) lives may be better served by taking a look at their own.

[MacMastr00]

As a Butch I enjoy the female form...the tenderness...soft curves..perfumed skin..even more so during intimacy...
But I also enjoy the strength of a woman her intelligence...sense of humour and tenacity just to name a few...
That being said...if I was to be in another relationship again...and she suggested her interest in strapping...I would not head for the hills..as I want My partner to know that I support her...and that it is not all about Me

[Soft*Silver]

I have heard of the term Pegging...but like Fisting, not everyone has heard of it. And when I have even subtly indicated our preference to a few other friends and acquaintances, wide eyes happened. Man could we see the judgement. He frankly could give a shit what they think. LOL. He is pretty strong in his sense of Self. I am just stunned by it, because well, its new to me and I wasnt expecting judgement. I dunno, I expected a more congratulatory response..lol...so naive am I!

[Just_G]

NOW we're talkin'!! :winky:

For years I thought about it, but the women I dated were not into showing any type of interest in femme cock, and I knew better than to ask. I also feared that my "butchness" would come into question if I asked. (I definitely know better now and don't give a shit what people think about me!) :clap:

I think it is awesome how many femmes are in here discussing this! I am not so much into the disecting of "why" people like it or don't like it...just putting it out there that as a total switch, I dig it.

Carry on....:winky:

[Miss_J]

For me it has always been about the energy created with a lover. If I'm there and open to exploring with you than why not do what makes us both have an incredible experience. I enjoy it and have truly been very excited by it with a couple of partners but its not something I miss if its not there.

There was a point in my life where I would'nt have even considered it because I felt that it would make me seem less femme. I was young and inexperienced with a very small world of comparison. I am damn happy I did not remain so narrow in my views or was unwilling to explore, as I am much more confidant in me now.

Thank you to all for sharing!

[TruTexan]

NOW we're talkin'!! :winky:

For years I thought about it, but the women I dated were not into showing any type of interest in femme cock, and I knew better than to ask. I also feared that my "butchness" would come into question if I asked. (I definitely know better now and don't give a shit what people think about me!) :clap:

I think it is awesome how many femmes are in here discussing this! I am not so much into the disecting of "why" people like it or don't like it...just putting it out there that as a total switch, I dig it.

Carry on....:winky:



WOOT WOOT !! I second that opinion, although I've not had the opportunity YET to be strapped by a femme, I have however used double head or they have hand held one using it on me. Man that's HAWT HAWT !! WOOOT WOOOT !! And I hear you G, about your butchness comment. Mine was attacked once by a gf because I asked for her to fuck me with one hand held. Needless to say.............I stopped seeing her end of story. I won't have my butchness attacked or criticized by ANYONE I'm dating or partnered with...PERIOD.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I actually never heard it called pegging.
I was with quite a few men (and "straight girls") before I discovered butches, had a lot of casual sex. And only one out of X didn't like being fucked. I had my strap on Loooooooooong before I was a dyke.
Bend Over Boyfriend series came out a couple of years after I went nancy pants.

http://www.fatalemedia.com/images/covers/bend_over_boyfriend_230.jpg

http://www.heyepiphora.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/tristan-taorminos-expert-guide-to-pegging.jpg

I do recall getting irritated with the women's sex shops exploding into "how to fuck your man" kits when I was just getting into butches.

But my two favourite dils to use came from here:
Divine Interventions (http://divine-interventions.com/religioustoys.php)

I have used Jackhammer Jesus (<3 loved that one) and really enjoyed using that...
And if I did strap I would prefer to use the Diving Nun.

[dixie]

Love love love it. From the minute I strap up I take on an attitude that I can't quite control. It comes from within...changes the way I feel, gives me a fierceness and an aura of confidence that I sometimes don't have otherwise (in certain sexual situations). I enjoy it immensely. Not to mention the fact that I find the act so freakin hot I can get off just on strapping my butch (or other femme, or whoever is in the mood for it lol). ;)

[~baby~doll~]

i have done it when told too, but strapping and having a cock between my legs has never been my favorite thing. Now when my Femme lover straps well this is altogether different. i find in sexy and lusty. woo woo ride me cowgirl. :hk4:

For me not so much but for Her any time She gets her femme cock on i am ready.

[AnnRkey]

I am not one to label myself butch or femme. But as Lady Snow mentioned, I love sex, period. I read the poll on the site and thought to myself well I wish I could find femmes like that! I see no reason to restrict sex to certain acts. How boring. I want a partner that is comfortable enough to be everything and anything when it comes to sex.

[Licious]

I've never really wanted to do it. I do not say ew. I say, femmes strapping is hot! And I'm enjoying reading the posts. The femme spectrum is a wonderful and varied thing!

[Asari]

I'd like to try it out, but there is no one willing to volunteer. :simplelaugh:

[Toughy]

A question or two.

Are we talking hard strap on for fucking or soft pack for going out or both?

I've known Femmes who do all three....although for some reason my experience trends toward hard packing for both going out and at home.

How many Femmes pack for going out? Back in the day when I would occasionally bottom to a High Femme Top/Domme it was an almost guaranteed Goddess help me please, weak in the knees, trying not to fall down, experience when I hugged her and leaned into that, oh so incongruous hard pack, under those garters and stockings and shoes............anyway...

Femmes: hard pack soft pack? going out or staying home?

(waving hi to all)

[candy_coated_bitch]

I have packed hard in the past, both at home and for going out. I LOVE going out and having that (seemingly) incongruous raging hard on under my skirt along with all my other Femme accoutrement. I also pack hard at home as a surprise for my lover. That *discovery* either when at home or while out is the HOTTEST. THING. EVER.

I've never had a soft pack, but I have thought about getting one. I am interested in playing around with that more to wrap my own mind around some gender stuff I feel as a Femme with a cock.

That's my short answer for now.

[ProfPacker]

I soft pack and find it very hot. It is also good for exploring my gender feelings about what is butch and femme. Since I have just come "back into the world" after a very long relationship I was not aware of The Crash Pad Series where I am getting to enjoy my fantasies that were not explored in my youth. Lots of femmes who pack... butch cock..and ftm makes my desire to pack as a femme greater,

[Erryl]

The wife and I have been together about 15 years so that's relevant to my response. ;)

Over the years we have gone through a variety of sexual phases and oh so so many toys y'all!!
There toward the beginning it was a struggle to even have a vibe! Poor wife was kinda shy in the feisty sex department. Once she starting opening up to toys it got interesting. I was the only one who would strap it on, my slightly butch wifey just felt like she .. idk.. wasn't supposed to even like it let alone put it on. Once she got over the feelings that liking it somehow made her less gay, she starting getting more into trying it both ways. Now, many years later, it's hard to get that thing away from her! If it's out of the drawer she's got a firm grip on it. lol! Stingy broad.

[fatallyblonde]

I have tried it... I hate it... and... I am TERRIBLE at it!!!!

[Ms. Meander]

Historically, strapping on has never been my thing. But I am an evolving creature and the idea is growing in me with more and more allure. Change is coming! ;)

Thanks for the thread, Nat!

[LaneyDoll]

I don't, never had the interest in doing so. Which is a good thing since the post surgical and very extreme sensitivity of scar tissue in the area would make it impossible. I have nothing against anyone who does it is just not something I ever wanted to do.

:)

:sparklyheart:

[Terrifina]

I love a strap on either way it's pointing.... <sigh> LOL

[swampberry]

I think that one of the most attractive things in the universe is someone that is comfortable and open in their sexuality. I present a unique dichotomy; I look one way (embracing and loving that) while feeling another way internally and that shows up in my sexuality. Strapping feels completely natural to me and most of my partners, no matter how they define themselves, end up wanting that from me. They have told me it is the energy I exude when I am strapped that makes it so appealing to them and honestly, I do feel like I am in a position of power which is the opposite from my daily interactions. Whether you strap or not should not define your femininity, just like it doesn't prove your masculinity. Balance is vital in every situation and being fluid will result in amazing encounters.

[yourexwife]

Fluid. Sexy. If I am
lucky to find a partner who wants to be loved up like this.

[Nat]

Y'all make me smile. :D

[Rolo]

My ex asked me to so I'm down for whatever and of course I've thought about it over the years. So there we were...I'm familiar with the strap as it's the one she uses with me. Is this a favorite of hers?! I don't know. Did she use it well? Ye she did! I'm excited but at the same time thinking what have I agreed to I hope I can pull this off. First task, put it on... It doesn't look as sexy as I thought it would and certainly not the style I would like. She laughs, I laugh, but we're still excited. We go for it...I had no stride and the strap starts to ride. My hips grew tired, and I couldn't imagine doing this for a long period of time...mind you I'm no pillow princess but I commend those who strap I'm fully aware of it takes! I'm tired just thinking about it. It wasn't working for me or her so we quickly called it quits. I felt bad for her...she let me, it was horrible and I hope she'll let someone else do this with her in her future and I didn't completely scar her lol.

Will I do it again...I want to say no, but I can't. So, maybe, but let's hope I learn a thing or two by then.

[ProfPacker]

I love my cock. I no longer think of it as butch or femme. It is just my cock. I hope others enjoy it as much as I do

[candy_coated_bitch]

I find I am missing my cock lately. I feel a tad bit like something is missing from sexuality. My partner finds it very sexy when I strap, and we have a cock that is specific to him/us. I'm not sure why I am having a difficult time getting over that hurdle lately, even though we've talked about both wanting it!

I think there are some things I need to explore within myself about how I feel in my body and headspace when I strap. I definitely still feel Femme, but there's also this genderqueer, boi-ish side in there that wants to come out. I feel both at the same time--fully powerful in my Femme identity but also feeling a little bit like a boi.

Does anyone else feel like this about their Femme cock?

[Nat]

My boy side and my strapping have converged on occasion though they haven't always. I've really relished when they have.

[1TruFemme]

I admit I have tried it because I wanted to please the butch I was with but I was terrible at it. And all I could think was it's going in the wrong direction.

[ProfPacker]

I went through a time when my packer was tucked away. For some reason, I am feeling the need to wear it as much as I can. Just saying that I am loving my cock and its strap.

[vagina]

I had a Butch ask me to strap it on for her and I got so giddy and excited.

I am still waiting to try it out. Someday, hopefully. I am pretty sure that I will suck at strapping someone down, but hey.. it takes practice and patience.

[WickedFemme]

yes, yes, and yes!
I enjoy getting my femme c--- sucked by a willing boi or girl. ;)
and.. I enjoy f---ing very much.
I recall years and years ago always receiving... then finally someone i was with wanted to be fisted.. yay for me! yeah, I strap.. however, i'm not going to refer to it as pegging... lol... but to each their own.

[ProfPacker]

I have strapped as a femme and now the switch as butch, but however I id strapping and femme cock is wonderful

[Nat]

Bump bump bump ;)

[bright_arrow]

I have quite a new found love for strapping, much to my pleasant surprise. It hasn't changed how I identify and I still feel femme to the core, albeit very powerful.

I second though how tired the hips can get! Clearly I need more practice to build up the stamina.

Grr! ;)

[Nat]

T5I_zl48VGI

:) ran into this today

[thedreamerin]

I'm an old soul, don't I know it? The new things are a bit awkward for me at first. However, if I am paired with someone that has the patience and willingness to take on the challenge of my sexual naiveté, well I think we could have a ton of fun. It's about trust. I've never been strapped or given it... My first response to the initial question was "me? Strap? HELL NO" and not because it is in any way disgusting it is just, hmm, I think I would need to understand the body of my lover more to be comfortable enough to wield a device and offer pleasure.
There is a popular trend these days where women are looking for women who are experienced, and can 'throw down' so to speak. That is all good I am sure, but the reality is that not everyone is at that champion gold metal level yet. That doesn't mean that the sex can't be good or even fantastic. I think it's just seldom is anyone willing to take the time to 'become' the better lover...
Now I have ranted, my apologies!
All of that wording and I just wanted to say this. I am shy of trying the strap as a femme, but if she wanted it, and was willing to have some patience with me, I'd give it a try. :D

[TruTexan]

I'm an old soul, don't I know it? The new things are a bit awkward for me at first. However, if I am paired with someone that has the patience and willingness to take on the challenge of my sexual naiveté, well I think we could have a ton of fun. It's about trust. I've never been strapped or given it... My first response to the initial question was "me? Strap? HELL NO" and not because it is in any way disgusting it is just, hmm, I think I would need to understand the body of my lover more to be comfortable enough to wield a device and offer pleasure.
There is a popular trend these days where women are looking for women who are experienced, and can 'throw down' so to speak. That is all good I am sure, but the reality is that not everyone is at that champion gold metal level yet. That doesn't mean that the sex can't be good or even fantastic. I think it's just seldom is anyone willing to take the time to 'become' the better lover...
Now I have ranted, my apologies!
All of that wording and I just wanted to say this. I am shy of trying the strap as a femme, but if she wanted it, and was willing to have some patience with me, I'd give it a try. :D

I gotta love your attitude ! You go girl! Enjoyed reading your post. Woot ! Woot ! Woot!

[bright_arrow]

I'm an old soul, don't I know it? The new things are a bit awkward for me at first. However, if I am paired with someone that has the patience and willingness to take on the challenge of my sexual naiveté, well I think we could have a ton of fun. It's about trust. I've never been strapped or given it... My first response to the initial question was "me? Strap? HELL NO" and not because it is in any way disgusting it is just, hmm, I think I would need to understand the body of my lover more to be comfortable enough to wield a device and offer pleasure.
There is a popular trend these days where women are looking for women who are experienced, and can 'throw down' so to speak. That is all good I am sure, but the reality is that not everyone is at that champion gold metal level yet. That doesn't mean that the sex can't be good or even fantastic. I think it's just seldom is anyone willing to take the time to 'become' the better lover...
Now I have ranted, my apologies!
All of that wording and I just wanted to say this. I am shy of trying the strap as a femme, but if she wanted it, and was willing to have some patience with me, I'd give it a try. :D

Trying it on by one's self is entirely different from wearing one with/for a lover, just a small thing to remind yourself when you're standing in front of a mirror thinking how foolish you find yourself looking (these may have been my first thoughts). Patience and the ability to laugh during sex I find are also very important. Don't be afraid to speak up and say "I/We need to do this to make it better/more enjoyable/etc." Chances are your partner will go right along. Is it sex after all, and who doesn't want to enjoy it? :sunglass:

[thedreamerin]

Trying it on by one's self is entirely different from wearing one with/for a lover, just a small thing to remind yourself when you're standing in front of a mirror thinking how foolish you find yourself looking (these may have been my first thoughts). Patience and the ability to laugh during sex I find are also very important. Don't be afraid to speak up and say "I/We need to do this to make it better/more enjoyable/etc." Chances are your partner will go right along. Is it sex after all, and who doesn't want to enjoy it? :sunglass:

:D You are exactly right. I will keep that in mind.

[Tuff Stuff]

Hummm,thinking...no,not for me.But i'll tell y'all what,i like to watch femmes,lesbians,women,men,strap it on and watch 'em pleasure their partners,seeing as i'm so big into voyeurism and all.

Not a crime...hey,i always ask permission to watch!

yeaah right,prove it!! :detective::goodluck:

[jools66]

Hi everyone,
This is a brilliant subject.
If I had to label myself, it would be maybe as a soft butch.
But labelling is not something I care for.
Having been someone who as strapped, and who has been on the receiving end to, I have to say I really enjoy both.
To me its about what the other person likes and how it makes them feel as much as my own needs and desires to.
I would like to think that a person I choose to have a relationship with would be open to new experiences.
Even if it was to try it once.
Having said that, I would never make someone do anything that they absolutely didn't want to do.
I have felt ashamed on occasions for bringing up the subject of me wanting to strap for someone who was more butch than me.
This I found a very uncomfortable feeling, and their negative reaction prompted me to never talk about it ever again with them.
This felt like I had to hide what I really wanted and I felt restricted.
I truly felt by their reaction that I was less of a woman somehow.
That it wasn't my place to ask for what I needed and wanted.
I had my role, and it wasn't to be deviated from.
The consequences of this reaction was that I really feel with future lovers, that its a should I ask for it or not dilemma.
This is something that you shouldn't have to even need to repress.
But yet you feel ashamed to request it because of a negative reaction.
My first gf wasn't even bothered about me strapping, she liked it, and l liked her doing it to.
We should all be able to feel free enough to explore new things with the person we are with.
Its just hard to know what their judgement of you will be if its something that you have never approached before, even if you think you know that person pretty well.
And sometimes its just embarrassing and intimidating to bring the subject up if your not that confident.
And this shouldn't be the case in this day and age, but sadly its still a reality.
For me personally, well I have now come to terms with the fact that I'll be damned if I am not able to say and ask for what I want.
Is just a question of approaching it in a comfortable way so that the other person doesn't feel like they are under pressure to do it, or to think that if they don't its going to be a major issue.
I am interested to know more about this femme cock topic that so many of you are talking about.
Please enlighten me.
Great post btw

[DapperButch]

I talk about what I like in bed even before the first date if I think I am going to like the person. For me though this is about being Stone. I tell them what that means for me (my boundaries) at the first date if I think things are going to go somewher. I would have no interest in dating somebody who isn't sexually compatible. So, if you decide that strapping is a "need to have" in your sexual relationships, then only date those people. Things get complicated if you don't tell people prior to getting attached.



Hi everyone,
This is a brilliant subject.
If I had to label myself, it would be maybe as a soft butch.
But labelling is not something I care for.
Having been someone who as strapped, and who has been on the receiving end to, I have to say I really enjoy both.
To me its about what the other person likes and how it makes them feel as much as my own needs and desires to.
I would like to think that a person I choose to have a relationship with would be open to new experiences.
Even if it was to try it once.
Having said that, I would never make someone do anything that they absolutely didn't want to do.
I have felt ashamed on occasions for bringing up the subject of me wanting to strap for someone who was more butch than me.
This I found a very uncomfortable feeling, and their negative reaction prompted me to never talk about it ever again with them.
This felt like I had to hide what I really wanted and I felt restricted.
I truly felt by their reaction that I was less of a woman somehow.
That it wasn't my place to ask for what I needed and wanted.
I had my role, and it wasn't to be deviated from.
The consequences of this reaction was that I really feel with future lovers, that its a should I ask for it or not dilemma.
This is something that you shouldn't have to even need to repress.
But yet you feel ashamed to request it because of a negative reaction.
My first gf wasn't even bothered about me strapping, she liked it, and l liked her doing it to.
We should all be able to feel free enough to explore new things with the person we are with.
Its just hard to know what their judgement of you will be if its something that you have never approached before, even if you think you know that person pretty well.
And sometimes its just embarrassing and intimidating to bring the subject up if your not that confident.
And this shouldn't be the case in this day and age, but sadly its still a reality.
For me personally, well I have now come to terms with the fact that I'll be damned if I am not able to say and ask for what I want.
Is just a question of approaching it in a comfortable way so that the other person doesn't feel like they are under pressure to do it, or to think that if they don't its going to be a major issue.
I am interested to know more about this femme cock topic that so many of you are talking about.
Please enlighten me.
Great post btw

[jools66]

I talk about what I like in bed even before the first date if I think I am going to like the person. For me though this is about being Stone. I tell them what that means for me (my boundaries) at the first date if I think things are going to go somewher. I would have no interest in dating somebody who isn't sexually compatible. So, if you decide that strapping is a "need to have" in your sexual relationships, then only date those people. Things get complicated if you don't tell people prior to getting attached.


Hi dapper,
You are way more confident and know who you are than some other people.
Some people like myself would not be so confident to bring this kind of subject up with someone on a first date.
I would never approach that subject until I knew the person, but seeing what you wrote has given a new perspective on things.
Your approach is less complicated, and honest.
Maybe it cuts all the wasted time out, but I have to wonder if by doing this you may lose a potential good friend in the long term.
If you get along with that person and you bring this up, and you said no this is what I like and that's it, you may alienate someone who would become a very cherished important person to you.
This is just my way of thinking, but again dapper, I can see that your point of view makes sense to

[Daisy Chain]

Gosh.....where to start..?:blink:

So many points I can think of.

OK, in no particular order. I agree with Dapper in that I think its important to know what each others wants, needs, likes, dislikes, boundaries and deal breakers are in the bedroom..{or over the kitchen table etc etc..}. It would be pretty soul destroying to date/interact for any length of time, grow close to someone and have hopes of being together only to discover that sexually you were incompatible. For me it wouldnt have to be on or before the first date but fairly soon after.

In a personal reflection.....and with respect this is specific to me...as an old school Femme....I am often expecting {and happily so..no martyrdom here} that there is a fair chance the Butch I was drawn to may be stone. And can see a stone Butches need to make this clear from the get go, the same as a stone Femme would/may want to also. I myself would not claim being stone as a label...I am fluid with this. I am stone if my partner requires it, it is of no major importance to me either way. There is a whole wonderful world of pleasure out there to be enjoyed in many many ways is my point here.

For me personally, I have never, nor wish to strap. I am certain it would feel completely alien to me. Equally, for Femmes who enjoy to, I celebrate and support your choice to.

What I think is of real importance is knowing you have the absolute right to feel able to say that something is either very important to you to have in a relationship or that something is unacceptable. Please dont ever let anyone shut you down in stating your personal preferences.

As for thinking you may loose a potential good friend in the process. Wouldn't such straightforward honesty be a firm building block in the beginning of a friendship ? And if you were to be `only friends` after testing the water on a romantic level it should make no difference to that friendship at all what the details of each others sexual tastes are.

Be true to yourself and proud of who you are, whether that be a stone Butch, strapping Femme, a switch or any of the many many other identities we may or may not be at any given time on our journeys, with or without any given partner.

Thank you for reigniting this interesting topic.

Daisy :bouquet:

[Poss]

me wearing a strap-on!

As I read through this thread, a nagging thought kept popping up 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!' I'm glad I didn't because this is a topic being discussed between my partner and I at the moment.

Neither of us have ever had anything to do with them before. I don't know what the concept of 'packing' means or a woman having a 'hard on' is. What I do know is, that since my partner and I started talking about them; my partner is more and more frequently coming up behind me and thrusting into me repeatedly, as if she's already wearing one.lol It really turns my on when she does this too. I'm like 'come on, I'll race ya to the bedroom' ...and off we bolt.lol

We are actually looking at buying one. We have google searched them and are discussing what would best suit our needs and desires. There is a lesbian sex toy shop in Melbourne where we are intending on buying it. I'm thinking of ringing ahead to talk with the owner before we venture there.

I have never been in a sex shop or anything like that in my life before, so it's a bit scary and intimidating to think of going in there. I do want us to see all the different kinds there are and make this purchase together. It's a very personal and important item for us to buy, so I don't want to buy it over the internet.

What's made my mind boggle at this thread, is the thought of me wearing it. We have spent the whole time discussing my partner harnessing it on and penetrating me, not the other way around. I really hope my partner doesn't want me to strap it on because I am not wanting to at all. What's bothering me is that my partner may very well want me to, just so she knows what its like for me.

My partner is butch, dominate and on top. I'm femme, submissive and on the bottom ...and that's how I like it. Even when my partner rolls me on top of her sometimes, she's still in control and continues deeply penetrating me. I sexually touch my partner too, but it's not in the same way. I know I'm going to have to ask my partner this question, but what if she says 'yes'?

[DapperButch]

but what if she says 'yes'?

Be honest with her. You have a right to set a sexual boundary, just like she, or anyone else does.

You can tell her you are not interested in that. Full stop. End of story.

Or, you can say you don't see yourself interested in it, but you are open to seeing how you feel after you all get it and she wears it. The other thing to remember is that even if you are the one wearing the strap on, she can still be in control.

There is nothing wrong with either of the above responses. It is ok if it is a firm no from the beginning. People should never puts themselves in uncomfortable situations in order to please their partner. Some things just don't "feel right", and that is ok.

Definitely talk to her about it before you buy it. Then you can let go of that anxiety, or any barriers that would impact an otherwise fun time while buying it.

[Poss]

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.

[ButterflyATX]

I definitely still feel Femme, but there's also this genderqueer, boi-ish side in there that wants to come out. I feel both at the same time--fully powerful in my Femme identity but also feeling a little bit like a boi.

This is an AMAZING thread!

I am totally in awe of femmes who pack and/or strap. I am SO envious of that power you must feel, but I just can't imagine ever doing it, myself..... even if a partner asked me to.

[giggleluver]

Oh yeah! I thought I was the only one who's strapped on as a femme. It's been a while since I have had the pleasure of using the strap on my Butch as the last 2 people that I dated were tops exclusively.... I am still open to using one if it is pleasurable to my lover.

[DapperButch]

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.


I don't know, Poss. What I am hearing here is that you are willing to put your partner first, even if it is to your own detriment. That really isn't healthy....for either of you.

It is one thing to say you feel awkward but are still willing to give it a go, but it hearing it side by side with someone that is horrid for you, but is something that MUST be done is really uncomfortable for me.

Sexual acts shouldn't be equated to having to do something that is hard, yet needs to be done.

When your partner says she loves you and thanks you for helping her with the cattle's head it is because it is a necessary evil. I can't imagine that your partner would want you to strap on for her if she knew that your discomfort in doing this is not as bad as it is with the cattle, but that it is a similar process.

Maybe I am off here.....all I can tell you is that reading that you would do something sexual that seems to be quite uncomfortable to you, only to make your partner happy, actually makes me feel a little ill. I am imagining how horrible I would feel if I knew my partner did something she didn't want to do just to please me. It would feel like I am violating her, I think.

I can't imagine any healthy partner wanting you to do that for them.

[Angeltoes]

This is a good thread. :popcorn:

I can't imagine myself strapping. I'm not against the idea, but I'm pretty sure I have no skills...lol.

[*Anya*]

I have a couple of thoughts.

First of all, boundaries are critical for anyone.

We all may have a hard boundary. Mine is anything anal for myself. I don't have to justify it to my partner or to myself.

It just is.

I do want to say, however, that this is different than my trying something sexual for the first time and any associated discomfort or anxiety I may have if I have not done it before.

I felt scared and anxious the first time that I kissed a woman, the first time that I touched a woman sexually and the first time that I went down on a woman. Actually, the first time I did all those things with my first bio male boyfriend, I felt unsure and anxious, too.

The first time I strapped, I felt awkward and very unsure but I soon let go of those feelings and enjoyed it immensely.

Penetration is a hard boundary for my GF so, that is off the table and I totally respect that.

My point is that a hard boundary is very different from feeling anxious and unsure about our sexual skills in a particular area. No one can tell us what is right or wrong for us but ourselves. It may take us a while to figure out which is which, but if we trust ourselves and our partner; we will come to know what is right for us.

[Gemme]

What's made my mind boggle at this thread, is the thought of me wearing it. We have spent the whole time discussing my partner harnessing it on and penetrating me, not the other way around. I really hope my partner doesn't want me to strap it on because I am not wanting to at all. What's bothering me is that my partner may very well want me to, just so she knows what its like for me.

I'm seeing this from a different perspective than the others, although I agree with the discussion on healthy boundaries and not doing anything that will put you in a bad place.

You say yourself that your partner and you are only talking about her strapping. The whole time it's come up, with the no deviance. She's the one to strap.

My question to you is this: why are you stressing yourself out about something that's not even on the table? It seems like unnecessary stress to put yourself through. Let it go. Unless there's something else going on, it seems like your partner is happy to be the one to strap and that seems like what you'd rather have anyway.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Poss, I'm not all that fond of strapping, mainly because I'm submissive and a bottom and it's super rare I've been someone I know that is dominant, top, and masculine and still wants me strapping.. But you know what? It HAS happened. And it's not nothing like suddenly growing a cock and becoming dominant and it's really awful and I can't deal.

Actually it just turns out it's a plastic toy I am not connected to but am wearing in a submissive way to have my partner use from me to please themselves. They stay exactly who they are. They don't morph, I don't morph, no one changes and a good time is had by all.

It's not the strap on. It has no magic qualities. The same strap on worn by a stunningly sexy Butch bear dominant top, worn by a bottom boi doesn't suddenly make them by magic into a dominant. They stay just as much a bottom as before they strapped it on.

You won't change if you wear it. I personally cant wear the same strap on a lover wears if it's realistic. It puts me off. Kind of squicked me out. So She me bought one that she wanted me to wear. It was dark blue and had grooves, not a head. Then she tied my hands behind my back to help me feel less toppy the first time, and threw me back, and used me like a post while grabbing my boobs and at no time did she become less masculine. There wasn't a single iota of feminine girly squeal that came out of her. It's was all Butch musk. So, no one becomes something they aren't just by strapping on - or by using the strap on the other way round.

I also fist people, but I stay submissive and they stay all boy, all Butch, and in charge.

If you can't imagine that, then perhaps you've just never been exposed to it. I've been in a hella lot of sex parties, fuck clubs, bdsm fetish play nights, etc and I have seen and taken part of even Dominants getting whipped with a flogger by their sub and STILL being in charge. One of my exes used to get me to flog her and she did it as a release for emotional reasons. I was simply there to serve her. She was absolutely in charge of it.

We don't have to fit inside a bog standard box. But if you have never seen it or been told, you might not know.

There is more than one way to be top, dominant, and masculine.

I'm not saying you have to, but if you are worried because the only thing you've read on this site is the whole "connecting with you cock" thing.... Well, that's only ONE way of many that people use them. I have never, ever connected with one. And it doesn't change who I am. But if it's what a top/Dom wants, then by all means, put it on me and make me take it :o !

;)

[Poss]

The replies to this thread since my last post are amazing and thought provoking. I have seriously taken on board what you have all written. It's wonderful that we feel so open to honestly discuss this subject matter in here. Social networks sites likes this are almost non-existent anywhere in the world. It's certainly encouraging me to view this topic from different angles.

I do think I've been over thinking this whole issue of being femme and strapping on for my butch partner. Right now if my partner was involved in this discussion, she'd look at me and say "YOU THINK!" lol

The thing is, if I don't sexually explore further than where I've already been before; then how will I ever know if I'd like it or not? How will I know if strapping-on is really a boundary, unless I go that far to find out?

It was me that initially raised the discussion between us about using a strap-on during our love making. We aren't getting any younger and its very rare now that we are able to continue making love all night until the sun comes up; like I'm 51 in a few weeks time and my partners in her mid 50's. I was thinking it would be easier on us both if we used a strap-on and some lubricant. We are in our 18th year together and spicing things up by utilising a sex toy seems like a good way to go about it. I just hadn't thought of strapping it on for my partner until now.

Who knows, we could get to the shop and find out that there are strap-on's for femmes and for butches. We could buy one of each and go on living a sexually active happy, healthy and loving relationship long into our retirement years.

If I keep this thinking up, it might be me asking my partner if I can strap-on for her ...just kidding (I think?).lol Because I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable about going into sex shop for the first time, doesn't mean I shouldn't go in there. So if the situation ever arises that I strap-on and find it very difficult to penetrate my partner; then I'll concede that it's a sexual boundary for me, but not before.

[DapperButch]

The replies to this thread since my last post are amazing and thought provoking. I have seriously taken on board what you have all written. It's wonderful that we feel so open to honestly discuss this subject matter in here. Social networks sites likes this are almost non-existent anywhere in the world. It's certainly encouraging me to view this topic from different angles.

I do think I've been over thinking this whole issue of being femme and strapping on for my butch partner. Right now if my partner was involved in this discussion, she'd look at me and say "YOU THINK!" lol

The thing is, if I don't sexually explore further than where I've already been before; then how will I ever know if I'd like it or not? How will I know if strapping-on is really a boundary, unless I go that far to find out?

It was me that initially raised the discussion between us about using a strap-on during our love making. We aren't getting any younger and its very rare now that we are able to continue making love all night until the sun comes up; like I'm 51 in a few weeks time and my partners in her mid 50's. I was thinking it would be easier on us both if we used a strap-on and some lubricant. We are in our 18th year together and spicing things up by utilising a sex toy seems like a good way to go about it. I just hadn't thought of strapping it on for my partner until now.

Who knows, we could get to the shop and find out that there are strap-on's for femmes and for butches. We could buy one of each and go on living a sexually active happy, healthy and loving relationship long into our retirement years.

If I keep this thinking up, it might be me asking my partner if I can strap-on for her ...just kidding (I think?).lol Because I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable about going into sex shop for the first time, doesn't mean I shouldn't go in there. So if the situation ever arises that I strap-on and find it very difficult to penetrate my partner; then I'll concede that it's a sexual boundary for me, but not before.

One word.....Excellent!

[*Anya*]

The replies to this thread since my last post are amazing and thought provoking. I have seriously taken on board what you have all written. It's wonderful that we feel so open to honestly discuss this subject matter in here. Social networks sites likes this are almost non-existent anywhere in the world. It's certainly encouraging me to view this topic from different angles.

I do think I've been over thinking this whole issue of being femme and strapping on for my butch partner. Right now if my partner was involved in this discussion, she'd look at me and say "YOU THINK!" lol

The thing is, if I don't sexually explore further than where I've already been before; then how will I ever know if I'd like it or not? How will I know if strapping-on is really a boundary, unless I go that far to find out?

It was me that initially raised the discussion between us about using a strap-on during our love making. We aren't getting any younger and its very rare now that we are able to continue making love all night until the sun comes up; like I'm 51 in a few weeks time and my partners in her mid 50's. I was thinking it would be easier on us both if we used a strap-on and some lubricant. We are in our 18th year together and spicing things up by utilising a sex toy seems like a good way to go about it. I just hadn't thought of strapping it on for my partner until now.

Who knows, we could get to the shop and find out that there are strap-on's for femmes and for butches. We could buy one of each and go on living a sexually active happy, healthy and loving relationship long into our retirement years.

If I keep this thinking up, it might be me asking my partner if I can strap-on for her ...just kidding (I think?).lol Because I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable about going into sex shop for the first time, doesn't mean I shouldn't go in there. So if the situation ever arises that I strap-on and find it very difficult to penetrate my partner; then I'll concede that it's a sexual boundary for me, but not before.

Yes! This!

I still feel a little strange going into an emporium of sex! I realize it is my own very puritanical, rigid, upbringing that makes me uncomfortable looking at sexual things and implements in a public place.

In my city, there are a couple of very nice sex shops-type places in regular shopping malls!

All around me in the stores, there are younger and older folks going about their business; not paying me a bit of mind and I then begin to relax. Well, I relax until I have to bring a chosen dildo up to the register. That's when I hand it to the girl-friend for the transport and paying!

We are both older than you and your girl-friend!

How do I know anal is a hard boundary for me?

I have tried a few things with partners over the years and accepted that I did not like it and never wanted to do it again.

No one ever forced me to try it. I wanted to see what it was like and did.

Kudos to you Poss for your spirit of exploration and for maintaining an 18-year relationship!

Both are not easy to do.

:moonstars:

[storyspinner70]

for me, personally, it's a no go...lol...i'm just not a strapper. my butch would enjoy it though it wouldn't be her favorite of our activities and wouldn't be very often, but i will always like being strapped not doing the strapping. would i consider it if she asked me? maybe. probably. would i really get into it? i doubt it. it would be too out of character for me. but i'd do my best anyway to make her happy.

do i see any stigma in it one way or another? no. there is no stigma in sex to me. not in any form. what you and yours are happy with is what matters. nothing else.

[Poss]

This little femme Possum here knows thy partner well. Of course, it helps when one consciously looks for and spots the little sign posts along the way. Knowing my darling butch for 30 years wouldn’t have anything to do with it …right! lol

Last Sunday morning after finishing our traditional cooked brekkie, we enjoyed a cuppa together and leisurely chatted about this and that …as we do. Suddenly Poss panics, there’s so much to do and how many more weekends are there left before chrissie? Darling butch with typical calm, cool and collectedness, says two. Poss is anything but cool, calm and collected saying loudly “ONLY 2?” I went into a tail spin about all the things I’ve got to get done in that time. I could see thy butch started looking out towards the distant paddocks …dreaming of a quick exit out of this situation. Out of the blue, I said …”and when are we going to Melbourne to buy our strap-on …like it is a few hours away.”

That got my darling’s attention, as she showed me her empty cup for a refill. We got into a conversation about them again, covering old ground. I could sense my partner was thinking something that she wasn’t saying. I went quiet and then hesitated a bit before I asked her if she would like me to use it on her. Sheepishly she nodded and said she would like me to. I smiled, nodded in return and looked deeply into her eyes as I said ok. I leaned over and gave her a soft loving kiss in support of her feelings and desires.

Basically my partner didn’t know how to approach this with me. For me, the sign post was this thread. I thank you Nat for starting it up and of course for you all contributing to it and assisting me to get where I am now. In the course of a week, I went from thinking no way would I do that, to I really would like to give this a go. I want to experience all manner of pleasures with my partner. We will look to buy 2, maybe even 3 different types of strap-on’s. Our minds are opening up to the many ways we can utilise them for sexual pleasure during love making.:blink:

I am so thankful my partner didn’t bring this up with me before I first had an opportunity to think it through myself. My partner instinctively knows how to give me my space and I know I do the same for her too. This thread was my starting point and I even joked with you all that I might even ask my partner if I could strap-on for her. My partner doesn’t call me her Possy-Pie for nothing.lol

[Nat]

Aww Poss, your post makes my heart happy. I have been going through a bit of a modest phase and sometimes I wonder if I just have shared too much, but if starting a thread like this has helped one bit in bringing about a moment of real sweetness like that moment sounds like - I'm so glad to have played my little part in that. Thank you for sharing it. <3 I don't think the acts are nearly as important as the connection and it sounds like you've got that. It's a good base to try anything. Thanks for the smile. :)

[*Anya*]

Poss, I love how you write and how you put your heart into words.

Another adventure for you! Remember, it may feel strange and you may fumble at first-don't forget to laugh a little with your love. It breaks the tension and reinforces that very deep bond the two of you have!

You will either love it, like it, or not be crazy about it; but you and your long-term partner embarked on a new adventure! This adventure, you may want to repeat or you may decide it is not for you.

Some adventures are terrific, some may be, some may not! But you are expanding your horizons and it will add to you life that you gave it a whirl!

What more can you ask for out of love and life??!

(((Hugs)))

PS: If you like it, you are still the femme that you always were.

Maybe, with an additional skill....

[FemmeTastic]

Strapping is not something I would come up with myself, but if my partner were to ask me to strap (which she would NEVER do, I think), I'd do it, it's not like I am grossed out by the idea of me strapping or anything, but the idea just gives me the giggles, and not in a sexy, kinky kinda way, it just makes wanna laugh at myself, more or less like I would laugh at myself if I was wearing a moustache. :)

[highfemmetop]

As a femme who loves to strap it on, I'd say this thread needs a revival! I can't get enough, fucking someone with a cock is one of the the biggest turn ons for me. Especially when I'm with a tough butch dyke who can give it as well as she takes it ifyouknowwhatI'msaying. :callme: