do Butches /Daddys have the green light to be rude and /or bossy in public ?

[DaddyNik12]

I'm sure this is not the same for all of us but Butches /Daddys sometimes have a natural tendency to be rude and or bossy in public.


for example :I was at the speaker in the drive thru at burger king yesterday, and after waiting several minutes for the attendant to take our order, I finally said something to get the attendent's attention. bbgirl pointed out to me that I was rude and bossy. Again at the window after giving him our order, I attempted to correct his mistakes on our order. bbgirl whispered "Daddy, just because your a butch doesn't give you the green light to be rude or bossy."


I should just point out- this isn't the first time that something like this has occurred and it probably wont be the last time :|

But I'm just curious to know if your femme/or girl has ever pointed out when you were being rude or bossy in public ?

[Kelt]

I do my best not to be rude or bossy in public or private.

In answer to the question; no I have not had a femme/girl point out that I was.

I would like to think that anyone I was with would let me know if they though I was.

I am assertive when need be but try to be diplomatic. I don't know how others read me unless they say something, so I might be off.

[gotoseagrl]

Good question. i have worked in customer service before & most of the butches i helped were rather polite. However i've seen some be a little more straight forward than i'd be about something. Though i wouldn't necessarily call that rude. Personally i think there as many "rude" Butches & Daddies out there as there are femmes or other people. i've definitely experienced way more rude other types. However, i would feel uncomfy if my Daddy were rude to someone in front of me. i think respect should always apply, regardless of One's title or identity. As awesome as Butches & Daddies are, i don't think there should be a green light for rudeness ... from anyone. In or out of public.

[Mel C.]

I dont recall a time where my femme/girl has pointed out my being rude or bossy. However, I do have a very short fuse sometimes so I have been rude/bossy. A gentle heads-up to let me know how my behavior appears to others might work...or might agitate me more. I think if I trust/respect the person telling me I'm being rude, I might be more able to snap out of it.

Added: I generally regret being rude even though I think I have a reason. There is a difference between rudeness and straight-forwardness, but I don't necessarily navigate the line between them very well

[WildHorses]

I have never had a femme or anyone else tell me I was rude or bossy. I do sometimes get rude when I am alone if someone is pushing my buttons.

That usually happens on the street more than in a shop or something like that. If I am with someone I might hold my tongue so I do not embarrass them.

And, I just say what I want to back to people.
If that is rude-? But, it really depends on the situation.

No to the green light.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I don't think anyone has the green light to be bossy or rude to those working in customer service by virtue of ANY identity category. Be it Butch and/or Daddy, or Femme.

I think sometimes a masculine appearance or identity can be conflated with being more assertive or aggressive. I don't believe it's necessarily true. Also--what is "bossy" and just "assertive" is sometimes a matter of perception and taste.

I haven't personally noticed that being rude or bossy in public is linked to Butch identity.

[Duchess]

I think it depends on the relationship. Some chicks get off on the humiliation. The Butch in my life will always be the dominant figure, but I will not tolerate rudeness.


Duchess

[Martina]

I do not agree with the premise that butches and Daddies have a natural tendency to be rude and bossy in public.

You don't involve people non-consensually in these dynamics. It's not "natural." It's just bad behavior.

[Femmadian]

I don't think anyone, regardless of ID or relationship structure, gets a green light to be rude. I do think that people who are perceived as being more masculine, male, or dominant get away with bad behaviour more but that's more to do with how screwed up our society is and definitely not because that kind of behaviour is inherent to a certain ID. We're all responsible for our own shit, regardless of where we're coming from. There's really no valid reason for it aside from old fashioned sexism.

On the chilly side of the US/Canadian border, we're known for being ridiculously polite, even passive-aggressively so (but that's another conversation for another day). I think, having lived extensively on both sides, that it's more noticed and definitely more frowned upon here (though not necessarily always directly called out because, hey, that would be rude...). I know if I was with a butch (or anyone, really) and they were rude to someone, especially someone working customer service or in the food industry, I would be very turned off. I think that rudeness, especially when dealing with low-wage workers who can't fight back, is a form of bullying. Everyone has bad days but rudeness, especially if it's habitual, signifies to me that either they consistently look down upon the person or sort of person they're being rude to or have serious aggression issues and/or poor emotional control. Either way, yikes!

Finally, someone who will be handling my food, especially if they're working in a notoriously high-stress, low-wage environment such as fast food, is probably the last person I'd want to piss off... :|

[Gemme]

No one has the right to display bad behavior, regardless of orientation or gender presentation.

There are always going to be jerks who constantly operate at that level and there are always going to be generally good people who may snap at someone else during their day once in a while.

Also one person's 'rude' behavior would not be seen as so by someone else, unless someone smooshed a perfectly good cupcake in someone else's face. There's no good excuse for that nonsense.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I get told quite regularly that I'm bossy. But I'm a girly girl. So instead of assertive, I'm bossy.

Actually, when butches *do* tell me I'm bossy, they are usually flirting (which is rare. mostly they just don't speak to me, full stop. Or are excessively polite, which I have no idea how to play with). I usually follow it up with "Yup. I sure am." :D then they laugh and tell me they like bossy/feisty as when I go down, I will go down with some sweet fun to it. That's the kind of answer I like. It's a challenge. It turns into a "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "Well, c'mon then if you think you're so hard!" kind of playful argument.

Though one butch dom I dated told me she could not abide bossy girls or amazon types. I knew it was very short lived. ;)

I have told my exwife on quite a few occasions to chill it. I called her my Dutch Doberman. But it's not because she was butch, it was because of her very assertive personality and she's dutch lol so she will point blank tell someone they are a cunt.

I rather liked that quality about her but I did have to drag her off by her ear at times.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I also think the way people act in personal relationships, and that private dynamic, is not necessarily the same as how one treats others in public. The OP seemed the be addressing an incident where their babygirl pointed out to them that they were bossy and rude to someone in the drive-through at a fast food restaurant.

I am a dominant personality type, and am mostly a Domme in the kinky sense in my relationships. And while I can be very bossy--it's in a way that is desired by both people. I can be a little bossy with friends, but not in a mean way. And I just have a "big" personality, for lack of a better word.

Outside of that--I am generally quite nice to folks working in places like fast food restaurants because I know it's a shitty job where they make next to no money and take a lot of crap from people. I will be assertive if I think someone is really unacceptably doing a bad job, but I'm pretty understanding. And I am kind of the most irritable person ever LOL. I guess it just varies.

Personal dynamics and relationships are different than how one treats others outside of that dynamic. It might seem to make sense that Butches who take a more dominant role in relationships would be more bossy towards everyone, but I am pretty sure it's not that simple.

I'm currently in a Daddy/girl relationship, which is REALLY unusual for me. But I am kind of the bossy little spoiled princess and he is the patient accommodating Daddy--so it works. I would be EXTREMELY surprised if he were ever to be bossy or rude towards anyone in public. I would be more likely to even though it's not my usual M.O.

I know this was originally posted in the Butch Zone so I am hoping the conversation doesn't feel hijacked...

[imperfect_cupcake]

Pardon, I was sort of attempting to say it's personality and culture rather than being butch, in my experience with partners. I know my north american self, even though I'm a canuck and can be overly polite in public in an american point of view, was seen as slightly obnoxious in southern England because I was straightforward in their opinion. which is rude.

I know many people in vancouver find americans treat service people rudely here, simply because of the difference in approach. You have to apologise first, smile, make a joke before you correct someone on making a mistake with an order. If you don't, it is considered rather rude to just straight forwardly point out the error. There is the joke of laughing and saying "well, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel" with a grin, when someone is being too direct without the polite buffering.

[Mel C.]

I think words like "rude" or "bossy" are vey subject to interpretation. I don't want to be rude, but I do want to stand up for myself if I think someone is out of line, doing a poor job, etc. if someone screws up my order, for example, I might politely let them know but if they have a bad attitude, the polite goes away. This is my nature regardless of my identity. I don't like to be pushed around or disrespected and I will respond. I agree with previous comments that labeling behavior is up to interpretation...one persons idea of assertive may be rude by someone else's standards. That being said, I think the dynamic between Daddy and girl is different than that between strangers so interpretation of behaviors may be different as well.

[Jar]

I don't think anyone has the right to be rude or bossy and I'm not sure what butch/daddy has to do with it. I try to always consider that maybe people are really busy, stressed, have personal problems going on and are doing their best to accommodate me. I give them the benefit of the doubt.

With that said.....I can definitely get aggressive if I'm obviously being ignored as a customer or if someone is telling me I'm wrong when I know I'm right (in retail)

And no, I've never been told that because I'm not usually rude

I really don't get the butch/daddy connection. To me it's a matter of just everyday people

[nycfem]

My mom, who is always a good tipper anyway, tends to tip higher if someone is great OR if someone is rude or doesn't provide good service. She says, "They must be having a bad day or hard time in life." Kind of funny.

[Jess]

I don't think that being Butch or Daddy gives anyone a free pass to being rude.
I don't think it is "natural" either, so no excuses there.

I do think that the subject of "what rude is" versus "what assertive/direct is" is something that could be an interesting spin off conversation. I think gender presentation is an interesting piece of that conversation.

Living now in an even more context rich culture, I was recently dismissed from a job after being accused of questioning the authority of my (female) supervisor. The only thing I did was point out to her a couple of mistakes she made in the schedule. I assumed it was a simple over-sight and just said very matter of factly that she may want to take a look at it as it needed correcting.

Apparently here, you do not directly speak to people regarding their errors. I have no clue, honestly, how to do that in another way. I didn't say it in a rude way or make fun of her or even mention it in front of co-workers, so I truly have no clue here how to communicate a simple direct message. (Segue used just for illustration, not derail or discussion.)

At any rate, I think sometimes people need clarity on what someone else perceives as "rude or bossy" as sometimes two people engaged in an interaction may have very different cultural takes on it. Being directly aggressive seems pretty universal to me as it is usually attached to body language which are good "tells" in a situation. "Rude or bossy" can be more subtle as the words themselves are subjective.

Free pass/ natural? No.

Interesting conversation? Yes.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I think gender presentation absolutely has to do with what is perceived as "rude" or "bossy". I think in many cases assertive women are viewed in a more negative light. As in, stereotypically femininity is seen as more "weak" or quiet or mild or whatever. And I'm just talking stereotypes here. I don't believe them to be true, but I do think gender presentation affects where they are perceived to cross the line into inappropriate behavior. I also find that an interesting aspect of the conversation.

Also, I am in complete agreement that culture plays a role in what is considered rude, and what good manners are. I'm from Massachusetts and have also lived for a period of time in NYC. Both Massachusetts and NYC have their own standards of behavior and "manners". When I lived in the south it drove me fucking nuts how "polite" people were. It felt false to me. I am used to being very direct and assertive. In a way that I don't consider rude. But I prefer for people to just come out and say things and the underlying expectation in the south seemed to be--just smile and be nice even if you don't mean it. It completely baffled me. I actually missed being in places where people were "rude".

I don't really know how else to explain it, but I do think gender differences and cultural differences are relevant to the conversation.

[Runner]

I'm sure this is not the same for all of us but Butches /Daddys sometimes have a natural tendency to be rude and or bossy in public.


for example :I was at the speaker in the drive thru at burger king yesterday, and after waiting several minutes for the attendant to take our order, I finally said something to get the attendent's attention. bbgirl pointed out to me that I was rude and bossy. Again at the window after giving him our order, I attempted to correct his mistakes on our order. bbgirl whispered "Daddy, just because your a butch doesn't give you the green light to be rude or bossy."


I should just point out- this isn't the first time that something like this has occurred and it probably wont be the last time :|

But I'm just curious to know if your femme/or girl has ever pointed out when you were being rude or bossy in public ?

If you were being assertive due to bad service well yes, that's acceptable.

If you were being an asshole then no, that's not acceptable, how you ID makes absolutely no difference!

[Tuff Stuff]

I am very dominate by nature,so if one does not make their mind up about something I will generally take charge.I can be assertive in many ways,if it concerns something important.I can be aggressive,but not physically.I want my partner to speak her mind and not be affraid to tell me anything,i suppose that's why I hang out with women who do just that..speak their minds..cause I definitely speak mine.I don't like seeing others be rude and bossy in public..either butch or femme..anyone for that matter.If people are rude or try to be bossy with me I will just ignore them and walk away.The only time I can turn physical with others who are rude and bossy with me its when I feel physically threaten by them or they threaten my family.

It's not hard to spot an asshole.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm sure this is not the same for all of us but Butches /Daddys sometimes have a natural tendency to be rude and or bossy in public.


for example :I was at the speaker in the drive thru at burger king yesterday, and after waiting several minutes for the attendant to take our order, I finally said something to get the attendent's attention.

Kinda depends on what you said, right?

Where I grew up: "excuse me, is someone there? Hello? I'd like to make an order please." Would be the socially correct and polite way to call attention.

Unacceptable and rude: "HEY! HELLOOOOO... Move your lazy ass to the speaker??"

Or making a playful, but mildly sarcastic joke would be acceptable and likely get you faster service.

Again at the window after giving him our order, I attempted to correct his mistakes on our order. bbgirl whispered "Daddy, just because your a butch doesn't give you the

Again, depends on how you said it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, there seems to be en error with the meal you've given me. This isn't the right burger. Could you please correct that for me?"

Would be the acceptable manner.

Rude would be to appear very annoyed, using a harsh tone, raising your voice and talking about how unacceptable the service is. That would be rude, bossy and Id be embarrassed if I was with someone who did that. I wouldn't say anything if we were just dating, but that shit would be noted. It's fast food. Not the purchase and delivery of something highly precious and delicate that requires highly paid workers.

If I am being served cheap goods by minimum wage earners I tend to expect the minimum with some errors. Life is too short to tell off people who work two jobs to pay rent because they didn't put pickles on my sandwich. Perspective.

[MsTinkerbelly]

In **my** opinion bossy does not equal rude, and rude to any service person in public is unacceptable.

Go home and be a dick if you have to, but leave people working hard for their money alone....and keep in mind that people have been known to spit in the food of rude/bossy people. :|

[Tuff Stuff]

In **my** opinion bossy does not equal rude, and rude to any service person in public is unacceptable.

Go home and be a dick if you have to, but leave people working hard for their money alone....and keep in mind that people have been known to spit in the food of rude/bossy people. :|
I agree with your opinion,this is why I always leave a nice tip.

The spit in food thing I don't like,but you're a nice person to give rude/bossy people that warning.

[imperfect_cupcake]

"Bossy" in my universe means pulling authority and giving orders/advice over someone else you don't have the permission/social contract to do so with.
Like telling some random person how to dress "properly" without having been asked for an opinion is bossy.
You boss telling you how to dress properly for work when you have shown up in unacceptable clothes is not bossy.

Telling someone how to do their job, when you aren't their boss, rather than just pointing out their error, that affects you, is bossy.

I'm bossy:D
But I get told off about it in playful sarcastic ways that make me laugh.
Plus, you know, I don't mind getting taken down in fun ways ;)