From the heart of a Tiger

[Gentle Tiger]

Ever write stuff, revisit it and the words/message hits you right between the eyes? I did. So I thought I'd share them here.

My disclaimer: I don't consider myself a writer or poet by any stretch of the imagination!

Invisibility

You see good where others do not
You see potential when others see impossibility
You see solutions where others only see problems
Yet you do not see me

You see light when others see darkness
You see beauty where others see disgust
You see life where others see decomposition
Yet you do not see me

You see so much
Yet you do not see me

[Gentle Tiger]

A War cry of Tenacity

Too many dreams yet to be realized
Too many desires yet to be known
Too many failures yet to be attempted
Too many successes yet to be achieved

I cannot settle
I will not settle for less

Too many battles to hold back the tears
Too many fights to endure the moment
Too many struggles to survive the abuse
Too many wars to keep my life

I cannot settle
I will not settle for less

Too many times being viewed as a freak
Too many times not being seen at all
Too many time being misunderstood
Too many times going without

I cannot settle
I will not settle for less

Too much love held in restraint
Too much passion imprisoned within
Too much kindness waiting to be served
Too much strength waiting to be lent

I cannot settle
I will not settle for less

Though the loneliness eats at me like cancer
and the pain consumes me like the burning bush

Though loneliness plagues me like ten thousand boils
and depression torments me like a restless ghost

Though heartbreak guard my soul like a mother her cub
and despair encapsulates me like a prison its inmate

Though confusion fits me like the comfort of an old shoe
And heartache accompanies me like a loyal friend

This I vow to remember
I cannot settle
I will not settle for less

[Gentle Tiger]

Why do you run?

Why do you run from that which you seek?
Why do you run from that which you crave?
Why do you run from that which you need?
Why do you Run?


Why do you cry for that which refuses you?
Why do you mourn for that which you despises you?
Why do you ache for that which cannot embrace you?
Why do you run?

Why do you run from that which can empower you?
Why do you run from that which can caress you?
Why do you run from that which can calm you?
Why do you run?

Why do you run from that which can comfort you?
Why do you run from that which can nurture you?
Why do you run from that which can befriend you?
Why do you run?


Why...do you...run?

[Gentle Tiger]

Why Do You Run - The Answer

I run because I am afraid
that I will be consumed again
that I will be burned again
that I will be a circus freak again

I am afraid

I run because I do not wish to see
a dream fall apart yet again in front of me
a dream trampled under foot like pigs in the mud
a dream laughed at like a mocking crowd

I do not wish to see

I run because I do not wish to feel
my heart ripped and shreaded as it has been before
my heart dropped to the ground as if it were some vial disease
my heart thrown away as if it were some rotten johnny mop

I do not wish to feel

I run because...
I feel I must

[Gentle Tiger]

A Transman's Cry


Why do you first ask about my anatomy?
Why do you first ask about my plans on surgery?
Why do you first ask about my transition?

Why can't you get to know me?

Why can't you ask what I like to do?
Why can't you ask what's my biggest fear?
Why can't you ask what's my favorite movie?

Why can't you get to know me?

Why do you question me like I am a freak?
Why do you interview me like I am an alien?
Why do you enquire of me as if I am a new species?

Why can't you get to know me?

Would you ask another of their vagina on the first conversation?
Would you ask the size of their nipples after just finding out there name?
Would you ask about clitoral stimulation after just seeing their screen name?

Why can't you get to know me?

I am more than a dick that is not naturally attached.
I am more than a vagina I wish I didn't have.
I am more than breasts that don't belong on me.

I am so much more.


I am a person who possesses a soul and lives in a body.
I am a person who wants to know love.
I am a person who feels more than I care to at times.
I am a spirit that transcends time and space


I am more than a body part.

[Gentle Tiger]

afraid of what will happen next
heart pounding like a semi-automatic
but looking into the eyes of her spirit I see safety

I want to open up
I want to show her what no one has been allowed to see
I want to take her inside where all have been forbidden to enter


What is happening?


I stand in front of her
her eyes telling me she is not afraid
her spirit gently envelops me, reassuring me she is strong and she is ready


I unbutton my shirt and I lower my trousers
she immediately sees past that which is skin and bones
she sees the bandages and all the scars


A storm is raging.


I want to run. I want to hide
yet I want to stand and let her read my Braille
I am conflicted


Slowly I remove the bandages which cover my being; no words are spoken
cautiously I guide her hand over my scars, communicating spirit to spirit how they were gotten
petrified yet yearning, aching for her to see, to understand


Thunder rolls. Lightning crashes.


She caresses me and kisses me as I show her the intricate scars over my heart
She applies healing balm to my open sores with her eyes
She gently whispers, "I am still here. I am not afraid."

And she speaks healing to my soul
As I stand before her allowing her to see my naked, wounded soul
I realize for the first time what has happened, what is happening.


There is a gentle and quiet rain.

I am being seen.
I am being cleansed.
I am free.
I am being healed.
I am whole.

[Gentle Tiger]

Cheeks sunken in

Ribs protruding

Skin pale and dry



Emotionally emaciated

Emotionally scarred

Emotionally anorexic



Emotions lost from not being wanted

Emotions trampled from being beaten

Emotions stolen from being starved

Emotions starved from being locked in a closet for days at a time



Emotions sucked out from being used

Emotions deceived from being lied to

Emotions raped and plundered from being fucked over

Emotions abandoned from years of perfecting the art of self-hatred, self-destruction, self-loathing



Emotionally anorexic



And then you appear

Bidding me to come to the table of your heart and eat

You coax me, nudge me, and challenge me

Being ever so sweet and inviting with your encouragement



But I cannot eat

I do not allow myself to eat

I say it is to protect myself from poison

But is that the truth?



Emotionally starving to death



The truth is I don’t know how to eat

The truth is I am too ashamed to eat

The truth is eating at the table of your heart means I must trust you

And that just cannot be



In times past I have taken in the foods of kindness and tenderness

I have ingested hugs and kisses and strokes of the face

But then with the fingers of poisonous thought and deflection I purged myself of such sustenance

For I have come to believe I am not worthy of such things



I am emotionally anorexic



Yet you come before me with arms open wide

And again bid me to eat of you, to taste your fruits of acceptance and affection

To come to your table and with time become emotionally fat

To enjoy the meats of trust, visibility, patience and understanding

And yet I resist



For I have become comfortable in my state of emotional anorexia

It is my crutch

It is my companion

It is my twisted lover



Emotional anorexia



Yet you come to me and say

Come, eat and drink of me

For I am as no other



I stare at the nourishment you offer me

Moving towards that which I clearly crave

You tell me to eat slowly

Instead I try to consume everything you are for fear that I will never know such a feast again



But the moment my taste buds taste things like acceptance and tenderness

The gastric juices of old tapes, rejection, deception, hurt, torment build

And instead of freely enjoying my seat at the banquet table

I can no longer taste what you offer

I push you away and I vomit until there is only dry heaves



Certain you will be repulsed by my emotional anorexia

Convinced that you will run as you see my difficulty to eat

You surprise me



You help me clean myself off, clean up the mess that I have made

You patiently set the table again, return the chair to its standing position

And gently say to me once more

Come eat, let yourself become fat



Staring at the table you have prepared for me

Having now to make a choice

I slowly begin to eat again and pause to say,


Emotional anorexia…

I bid you good-bye

[WolfyOne]

Gentle Tiger, I can feel your pain in all your words. Brother to brother, I want to hug you and tell you that the whole world isn't cruel. I want to tell you without pain we could never find healthy resolutions. There's plenty of beautiful trustworthy people out there. Writing helps me let go of my past and move forward. I hope yours does the same for you. Keep writing, keep sharing.....from someone who knows all to much about trust and pain, but continues to move ahead looking for all that is good. May faith, love and hope be yours today and everyday.

[Gentle Tiger]

An Introduction

I am not the one who took what was not mine to take from you
I am not the one who sees you as less than
I am not the one who trampled over what you held sacred
I am not the one who abused you and left you to heal alone

I am your brother
I am your friend
I am one who believes there is no such thing as too femme
I am a part of you

I am not a traitor to womanhood
I am not your enemy
I am not the one who wishes to keep you under foot
I am not a trifling black man

I am one who braved a journey to be comfortable in my own skin
I am one who still believes that women hold this world together
I am one who is invisible and just like you wishes to be seen
I am one who knows it is not your anatomy that defines your character

I am Malcolm and I am pleased to meet you.

maw - 12/01/2010

[Passionaria]

I really don't know how I missed this thread of your Poetry, but what a joy to see you out here expressing yourself! Your thoughtful honesty is delightful, and moving. KEEP WRITING!

:rose: Pashi