Shit My Friends Say

[Arwen]

This thread is for that random stupidity that you hear at 1am at your friends' house when you have been up far too late.

Drunk posting encouraged but not required.

[Medusa]

Is THIS where I talk about the "ice thing"? :shocking::shocking:

[Arwen]

OMG, we should so stick that in the freezer and make an ice.....thing. :|

[Arwen]

If I strap this on, it tells me my heart rate?

[Arwen]

OOOH! I can check my heart rate when I poop.

[Medusa]

OOOH! I can check my heart rate when I poop.


Just to clarify: that was NOT me.

[AtLast]

You (me) are totally neurotic! :thud:

:eating: Last time I invite her over for dinner!

[Arwen]

Are you two talking about renting a femme?

[always2late]

"Well, isn't that the cat calling the peddle black!"

[Medusa]

"Dear GOD, it's a 'Billy the Exterminator' marathon!"

[Thinker]

Just to clarify: that was NOT me.

For some reason, my first thought was Jack.

*shrug*

[Just_G]

"Dude, you are totally on my top 5 do-able list.....well, if I was into butches and shit". :boink:

[torchiegirl]

"They fumble with that thing form the time they are born until the day they die, they just can't help it".

~Grandma~

[Julien]

"Whatever" a dismissive phrase and I can't stand hearing it.:censor:

[Gemme]

"Okay, he's really cute and I like him and everything, but I don't have to tell him I'm still married, do I? He could be The One!"

:blink:

:wtf:

[Rockinonahigh]

I over herd a young butch sayin while at the local sex toy store to another young pup...I wonder how long I should get this thingamajig.Thought I thought I would choke on my bubble gum.

[Mister Bent]

"Glitter is the herpes of crafts."

[TickledPink]

Dial-a-Dom :superfunny:

[Gemme]

"Glitter is the herpes of crafts."

That's so 2007. :blink:

Try: "Glitter is the H1N1 of crafts."

[torchiegirl]

"they take that thing in their hand, and boy, they're gonna rule the world"

~Gramma~
(at 92, she just kinda throws it out there)

[Jess]

Not MY friend.. but a friend of my sister..

Him: Oh, you went to New York City? That's where the Entire State building is!

Me: Yep. The whole thing.

[NJFemmie]

(one co-worker's response to another co-worker's remark)

That's not true! It's not posted on Facebook, so it can't be true!

[Gemme]

"Okay, he's really cute and I like him and everything, but I don't have to tell him I'm still married, do I? He could be The One!"

:blink:

:wtf:

Same friend, same situation, same guy, says to me last night:

"He broke up with me because of the situation with me and X!"

*insert befuddled look and lip quiver*

"What should I do????"

:blink:

Seriously, I'm too old for this shit.

[apretty]

"they take that thing in their hand, and boy, they're gonna rule the world"

~Gramma~
(at 92, she just kinda throws it out there)

i <3 your grandma!

[AtLast]

Same friend, same situation, same guy, says to me last night:

"He broke up with me because of the situation with me and X!"

*insert befuddled look and lip quiver*

"What should I do????"

:blink:

Seriously, I'm too old for this shit.

Saying DUH, might clear things up..... Issshhh...

[NJFemmie]

"He says he's a vegetarian. The only thing he eats is pizza. He's no fucking vegetarian, he's a pizzatarian."

[NJFemmie]

This guy at work told me a story about one of his friends who was to be admitted into the hospital. A friend of hers was helping her fill out her proxy forms and got to the section where it asks for your religion:

Friend: "... religion?'

Soon-to-be-patient: "uum ... vegan."

(Seems to be a veggie kind of day today....)

[NJFemmie]

".... tell Sharon that there isn't a gold plated bathtub, but the Archbishop's toilet bowl handle is quite plush ...."

(three second pause)

"....oh, excuse me your Archbishop-ness, you scared the hell out of me...."

-- one of my co-workers recording the conditions of the Archbishop's living quarters

(I guess having hell scared out of you is another ticket option to heaven, eh?)

[Gemme]

"So, um, Gemme....if you are ever running from the cops...which I don't recommend, but if you are running from the cops....don't let the dogs get you. That shit hurts! It felt like it {canine officer} was tearing my leg off."

Yeah, um, I was considering it, but now that you say that....I guess I won't.

:blink:

[afixer]

I've been knowing them.

[Jett]

A good friend late night at a pub:

"Yer like this vase, that my mother had way up high on a shelf... and we weren't allowed to touch it... I just wanted to touch it, that's all..."

[Medusa]

Just overheard:

Niceguy to Wolfy: "...Maybe it's because you look a little Gay..."


:|

[Medusa]

After viewing this link: http://pooandweesong.com/



Niceguy: "....and there's pee coming down!"

a few minutes later: "They look like brown pickles".

Wolfy: :|

Niceguy: "Or really skinny potatoes..."

[AtLast]

After viewing this link: http://pooandweesong.com/



Niceguy: "....and there's pee coming down!"

a few minutes later: "They look like brown pickles".

Wolfy: :|

Niceguy: "Or really skinny potatoes..."

WHOA!!!

:goodluck:

[tuffboi29]

Me:<inset dramatic unforgetable speech that I forgot>

Friend:Im goin to have to completely diagree to DISAGREE!!!


<insert confukled look>

[Medusa]

*While eating Lemon Icebox Pie Ice Cream


Niceguy: "This is just not right."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Niceguy: "This ice cream, it isn't right. Ice cream that tastes exactly like something else? That isnt right..."

*Pause*

Niceguy:"......This is going to cause Cancer or something...."

[Ebon]

A friend of mine was telling a story about why he broke up with his ex....

"I wonder why they call them 18 wheelers?"

[Arwen]

Bumping this thread.

We're going to need it for the Reunion, I'm sure. :|

[Gemme]

I was on fire tonight. That's all I'm going to say about that. :blink:

[deathbypoem]

dumb babies.

[CherylNYC]

A close friend who IDs as mostly a dyke, speaking about some gay men she was boinking:

"They're MEN, and I'm a WOMAN. It's NOT NORMAL!"