I signed up too :) thank you very much!!

That is the shit. Great to have a Dr with a sense of humor.

Hard evening. My partner has been sober for several years. Tonight he isn't. His family is his slippery place and that is where he has been.
Yesterday, I had my 3rd of 8 chemo treatments and I don't feel he is going to strong enough to deal with this.
I am scared as all fuck, that I will be doing this alone. My family is 5 states away and I am covered by medical here.
Glad I am strong. I have been thinking tonight. I can take medical transport to chemo, etc. I have wonderful friends to help, I just need to ask!
Why the fuck now? Feels so out of the blue.

Hi, Debby.

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. I would suggest that it is his anxiety and fear about you being ill that as perhaps a reason that he decided to drink.

Even if there is no danger of losing you (I don't recall you saying your diagnosis/prognosis, but I am assuming you are not terminal), something like cancer can create the fear of loss.

I am sorry this is happening when you need him. Hopefully, he will go to the cancer support group he has and get support around the cancer. If he is in AA, I hope he goes back to that, too. Does he have a sponsor?

I am glad that you have friends there to support you. Hang in there. :rrose:

I am floored and heartbroken. The day after I had chemo and two days after our anniversary. He told his family, he can't be here and watch me die. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 2B, triple negative and grade 3. I am not dying!
And no he hasn't been to mtgs lately. I know he has spoken with his sponsor.

Be selfish. Take care of you, and maybe he will follow.
 

((((((((Debby and your SO))))))))))))))
Amazing what dynamics come into play when we are members of this special club we did not ask to become members of.
Maybe this is his way of dealing with the pain YOU are going through. I know partners feel helpless and sometimes act out in the worst ways, and say things that need to be discussed. I know I can't change another's way of dealing with issues, but I know I have to take care of myself.

My best advice...Al Anon. There are gay meetings in some area's, and there are on-line meetings. It really is One Day at a Time.
http://webcache.googleusercontent.co...www.google.com

the stress of cancer
 

Debby, I am so sorry to read that your guy is not there for you right now. Hopefully he will get some help and be back by your side. I was surprised to find out that this happens more frequently than I would have thought. I ended up going to a counselor who specializes in cancer patients in order to understand my ex and best friend who baled on me in the middle of my cancer treatment. Please ask your friends for ANYTHING you need---whether it is someone to take you to your treatments, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to watch a funny movie together. Also. I found it really helpful to see a counselor who specialized in cancer patient's issues. Your guy should find someone to talk to about his feelings as well--a safe place where he can express his fears. Cancer affects the whole family. One thing I used to tell myself on the way to my chemo appointments was "It won't always be like this" ---my mantra
I will be sending lots of loving, healing energy to you and your guy.
Jeano

{{{{{{{{Debby}}}}}}}}}} I wish I could give you a real hug right now. Like mustangjeano said, it isn't always going to be like this...and it won't because things will and do get better! The patient advocate at the chemo clinic had stage 3c ovarian cancer and has been cancer free for almost 6 years now, so no, you are in no way dying!! I can tell you are a strong woman and you will keep the faith and keep going. Can I pm you my phone number in case you ever want to talk?

Much love, support and prayer for you right now, dear one!

Screaming works GREAT :) YAY for the ability to use our voices as a release, huh!!

A few things about anti-depressants and meds. When I first started having panic attacks before my divorce, I had NEVER taken anything other than the occasional aspirin when a headache got too bad. I was all about alternative medicine and holistic therapy. So, the long and short of it was that I suffered tremendously for nearly two months. I lost 20lbs, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, had two small children and a full time job to attend to. Finally, after seeing a wonderful doctor, I eased into taking a med that helped me wake up without that overwhelming sense of dread and soul crushing anxiety. And let me tell you, it made all the difference in the world! I also began talk therapy and sort of over-hauled my life and started dusting out the creepy-crawlies that were lurking in dark corners, but that med is what enabled me to do so...it helped me cope during one of the darkest periods of my life. The most important thing for me to keep in mind was that no matter what, I did not want to be like my mother, who would take to her bed for months at a time when us kiddos were little. I wanted to be there for my girls and be there for me!! I keep taking my little pill...every morning with my coffee...I call it my happy pill. :) I feel so blessed that we have drugs that can help us along through the difficult times and as long as I need it, I will continue to live better through chemistry, one day at a time. :rrose:

ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I don't like this club..lol
 

I do go to Alanon. LOVE Alanon and I know this isn't on me. Some people just don't have the ovaries.

I spoke with a counselor at the cancer center today. This isn't so uncommon that a spouse/partner bales. Sad. I am blessed with great support. Very blessed.

Some moments, this just sucks.

I had my last a/c treatment, so no more of the red devil!!!!!! So, I am at the half way mark through chemo. Now 4 taxol and done with chemo on Sept 16th. Feels great to be half way there. :)

AWESOME! Seems as though it is "hump day" for you!

Congrats!

Btw, I love you sig line...so true, so true. And so many don't know this.

The sig line is a Native American proverb. Its one I have hanging in my cube at work, too. :)

It feels like a hump day. I took a nap after and feel great so far. It is amazing how much attitude can make all the difference.

YAYYYY Debby
 

Congratulations on being half way thru chemo. Great job!!!
I think of you often .
Jeano:

Feeling really good this time too! DAMN

Damn good.Everybody dance!! :hangloose:
http://www.bemidjistate.edu/conferen...g_penguins.gif

Sept 16th I will be ringing the bell and will post a pic! By Jan I am hoping to be finished with everything and have a bright new year.