Although this is not specifically about sex toys, it is about conceived ideas about sexuality and multiple partners... and I think this plays into all kinds of assumptions...
I'm dating right now, and the comments I am getting from many have been *SPECTACULAR* at times. Needless to say I don't sleep with those people but my jaw has been dropped on a couple of occasions, by... just gobsmacking ideas around sex and numbers.

So there's a book, a quick review of it and how this still applies even to queers, policing each other's sexuality, when cismen aren't around to do it for us. And how it feels to be a femme, dating in the middle of all that judgement when people are unaware that they are even doing it.

If anyone wants to read it, it's
located right here in this underlined link (or in my signature)

I think that ideas around these things, especially in our own communities should be challenged. I had a andgorenous lesbian only slightly older than me, who was very eco friendly and into burlesque as an art and all this kind of stuff... when I asked if she wanted femmes why didn't she put it on her dating profile... she said "cause I thought I'd just get shallow, fluffy girls. But I'm not sure why."
My jaw dropped open. I asked what she thought that meant about her assumptions about femininity and highly feminine women and their relative intelligence.

fuck. me. sometimes, y'know?

I'm sure I say just as stupid assumptive shit and I hope to fuck people call me on it...

New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

For ME:

New partner (casual or serious relationship) who has a removable cock that is an integral part of his/her identity: No way, that would be like someone saying to me that I needed to get new breasts, and to my definition of things shouldn't even be in the same discussion as "toys." Getting a new cock for a cock-centric butch or transguy is part of who they are and not my business if it's new or not.

New partner in a casual affair that's not likely or uncertain to last: No way, because it would be just too damned expensive and impractical.

New partner in a potentially long-term relationship for whom they are TOYS and not an integral part of his/her identity: Once the relationship got serious, I'd prefer to buy new toys, just like I'd prefer to buy some new sheets, a new dress for a special occasion instead of the one I wore for many previous special occasions with my ex, etc. If I can afford to replace certain things that were an intimate part of previous relationship, even if they're still perfectly functional, then I'm going to! Did I ditch all my old sheets? Oh hell no (though I made sure to keep the best ones!) But do I enjoy knowing that the sheets I'm putting on are new or have never been fucked on by anyone other than me and her? Absolutely. There's no moral implication to it - it's a preference, period. And an excuse to get some exciting new things.

Yes, when they are "toys" to both participants, that makes sense.

For some of us, the cock we wear is not a "toy".

But sure, you want a different butt plug than the ones in my drawer? No problem, lets hit the sex store together.

I to agree new partner new toys.. and I like to let her choose what her "heart" desires. I'd like her to be able to say..Hey lets use the Wednesday one on Friday.. lol She can even call them anything she wants. Cause it is all about her (in my opinion.)Well..that is until we get in the bedroom. ;-)

UGH so torn about this.
I would have to say new partner, new toys, though.

My take on this...
 

with a twist...

new work boots - new socks

New partner yeah we can get new toys, it's fun and sexy to choose and experiment together.


My cock though most definitely does not fall into this category and is as much a part of me as my tongue is and that doesn't change between partners either :D

New Toys?
 

I go with "new" - but the only exception is with butch cock. I don't expect my partner to have a new one lying around in a drawer...or in their pants. Also, I respect the loyalty my partner has to theirs.

Of course, I'll want a good look at it first - and have on occasion even asked my partner to put a condom on it or take a shower with it on (both of which turned out to be kinda fun).

With respect to all, I'm also not of the mindset that butch cock "belongs" to anyone but the respective owner. I'm very happy with them sharing it, though,

So when people are single and they buy themselves toys, to have fun with, do they get rid of them when they get a long term partner??

In my opinion, new partner, no need for new body parts.

And that's why.

:-)

I vote new toys. I know, I know, they are expensive. That's my feelings though. If you are using the toys just on yourself and you begin a new relationship I think it's alright to use your toys if she is comfy with it. My issue is that I wouldn't want someone's ex's favorite sex toy in me. I know it can be washed and all that but it's the principle of the thing.

For those who have body related attachment to it, I can see why you wouldn't want to buy a new one. Maybe that should be on a case by case kind of basis? I don't have much experience in that area but would assume that a good honest conversation with the partner would be in order.

Ok but what if it's not an ex and all toys were used on me. and bought by me, for me.
as in, I don't just have sex when I'm in a relationship. I have casual sex from time to time. In those instances they usually use my toys on me. I don't generally use toys on them.

So if it's NOT an ex, *I* bought it for *me* and it had nothing to do with being inserted in *them*, what about then?

I side with buying new toys when you get a new partner. I've used a toy on two different people and the sex was great but part of me still felt guilty, remorseful, I'm not sure it just wasn't a good feeling. So I will continue buying new toys if I get a new partner.

I see why thats a grey area but it really boils down to honesty. If the person youre using them in doesn't care then that's cool. For me, I guess I feel like if a relationship was the goal I'd just go with the...er respect? Kindess? Whatever... of new toys. It might not bother some people at all though. What's important is that everyone ia open and honest. Thats true about everything with sex really. Thats my $0.02.

Point taken..
Well,safe sex is important for me to and my partner.My butch dick belongs to my gf,alone.Then there's this monster that belongs to the community.I practice safe sex and I use condoms.I just bought some new toys the other day because I respect this new lover a great deal and we plan to have more than a one nighter.

I have come back to this thread a few times and I`m still on the fence. Its such a grey area.

First reaction would be always new. New relationship, new beginning, new US and I dont want any ghosts in the bedroom thank you. {I say relationship as I`m not a casual sex kinda girl}.

However....what I hadnt thought of until reading some of the posts was that Hy may well, and quite understandably, regard Hys cock as part of Hym, and for a Femme to say, `that has to go I want new`, well I can see why Hy would have an issue with that. So on that score if my Honey felt that way my heart would want to respect Hym and all that Hy was though I`m not so sure if I could persuade my legs to uncross. :blink:....although if Hy packed most of the time and as our relationship and intimacy levels built then I suppose I would view it and Hym as whole and one so.....I think that would be fine.

I`m going to get some feedback from Hym, I may post again.

HHmmm :deepthoughts:

Daisy :bouquet:

Alternatively, a butch could buy the same cock over and over again.

I have. More than once. More than twice. More than thrice. :blink:

I don't plan to do that again.

I have to say I don't get the concept of new partner = new toys...not at all...My butch has toys she loves...why would I ask her to go out and spend tons on new things for me? The tools people use are secondary to the pleasure that comes from them. And for butches who consider their cocks body parts not toys, I'd suspect the suggestion may even be insulting. Unless you're a virgin or dating one, everyone has exes. They're part of the experiences that make you who you are. I dunno. It's never a big deal to me. But, to each their own and as long as you both agree, that's all that matters.