Next reunion? I would LOVE to hug each and every one of you!

We all have those days. There were times I would lay in bed with my face to the wall wanting it all to stop. It is healthier to be honest, than to hide behind false cheer and bravato.

I am off sleeping for a couple weeks and this thread gets busy. Sorry, to hear the reasons it is. We are troopers, though. If any of you need/want to talk, PM me and I will be happy to give you my cell.

Update: I only have one more week of radiation left. YEEHAW

Gawd, I wish there was a way that we could all get together to laugh, cry, dance, hold hands and just be together. I know we could all benefit from it. Keep each other in the light.


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For all of those who hurt and heal with courage
 

My UPDATE
 

Can I just be held...please?
 

http://www.georgiagoldengirls.org/heal.jpg

Good morning everyone. Sending hugs to all that come and go and an extra one to clay who needs a hand, huuuuuggggs 2 OneOfAKind, Cat, Debby and allll

I am fighting my way out of a funk this AM, so, what do ya do.Come here and post, write it out I spose........
My friend Milana passed away Thursday. She had been in a nursing home since August 2010, and was doing okay. I had this phone message from Cres, her brother-in-law when I got home from work. "Tommi, Milana passed away quickly this afternoon. She had gone to take a shower, got back to her room, and began to throw up blood, and hemorrhaged. When the nurse came to tell us , the paramedics were already there and took her to the Emergency hospital, and they said she had a cardiac arrest. It was fast.Just wanted to let you know in case you were coming to visit Sat."

I was with my buddy when she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer June-2010. It was too late to operate when found. Told the chemo and radiation were palliative and would help keep the mass in her throat smaller. Her family never accepted that she was gay, and had shunned her for 20 years, but rallied round, and made peace with her when she got sick.

She was a valiant fighter for 16 months, with a trach tube and unable to talk. She thought it was a hiatal hernia because she was having trouble swallowing for a year or more before going to the right doctor. After Placement of a feeding tube, she had to have a trach tube because she couldn't come out of the anesthesia in July 2010. After that, she never came home again. She went from acute care, to sub-acute nursing home. She went through chemo and radiation

She was a great Wii bowler and won at all the games and did great crafts in the nursing home.

To those who feel yucky, or that something just isn't right in your body and being, seek a doctor that gets it. Many times we are just written off by busy and/or incompetent doctors. I can tell you I have fired many of the Doc's I went to. I fired the specialist that didn't want to do a thorough work up, and other scans and tests on me when I was diagnosed with Uterine cancer and prior to a radical total hysterctomy,tubes, ovaries and 16 lymph nodes. An ultrasound had shown my one kidney was twice the size of the other, and she was just "going to have a kidney surgeon on standby, just in case"...no, but hell no. I wanted an MRI, cat scan, IVP, etc. BEFORE the opened me up. She said, " Oh well we will see what kind of cancer it is and go from there..:

I said, :NO,,, we won't" and fired her..I went to a cancer gynecologist who ran all of the cancer screening tests PRIOR to surgery,
okay, I have talked enough. Tiggergirl wants Daddy to hold her cuz it's her turn for attention. (f)
bye computer peeeps(f)

{{{{Tommi}}}}} My condolences on the loss of your friend, Milana. She'll be kicking butt at wii bowling in the clouds. :)

{{{{Clay}}}} I will try to give you a call today. I'm not a huge phone person, but I know how it feels to need a reassuring voice every now and again. Be loving to yourself right now, dear one.

So good to see you, Debby!

Back later with more. :)

I so understand this feeling. Even though a friend came to stay during chemo, I have never felt so alone. The dog, as much as she loves me, just doesn't cut it.

Tommi
For Milana and for you the one who stood by giving care and asking nothing in return, keeping you close in thought.
For those who are still fighting keep hope, i do even when days are dark hope remains.
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I am having an extended WTF moment today...

I have been calling my mother every day since I was there to see her...checking on how she is, pushing for the docs to do whatever it is they need to do so that she can come here.

She's had good days, and bad days, but in all of it I've had the enduring sense that she's not being completely honest with me. I'm not surprised by this...it's the status quo....but it's unnerving just the same.

Anyway...last week I was at a seminar for 4 days....calling her as usual.
Yesterday...traveling home, I tried calling a couple times...no answer, and no answering machine.
Today...a couple times...no answer, no answering machine.

This is what she did when this all first came to light, and she informed us of her cancer with a note in the mail.

It may be nothing more than a broken answering machine, but I doubt it. And I'm trying to reach friends (without starting a panic), and waiting for the other shoe to fall.

I'm completely convinced that she's unplugged the machine and isn't answering the phone...and I'm wondering why.

I did finally hear from my mother. I also still have the feeling that she's not being honest.

She's stalling on coming to Florida now...making excuses about appointments and things that can either be done here (for her) or taken care of at her house by friends.

Either she's worse and doesn't want to say anything.

Or she's feeling quite a bit better and I am once again disposable.

:seeingstars:

1OAK....I LOVE that image...it is so warming, so captivating, and gives me such a warm, comfy feeling..thanks for sharing that with us....


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{{{{Jo}}}} I apologize in advance if this is none of my business, but since I am going through a similar situation with my father perhaps we can commiserate.

I finally realized after this last go around with my dad that I can't make him share with my siblings and I that which he himself cannot even come to terms with. I feel like I have been chasing him around the block since my mom died nearly three years ago and to be quite frank, I'm tired of it. Since I was a little girl I have had my dad on a pedestal I'm not all together sure he is deserved of, and I'm just now...at the age of 38...coming to this realization.

So, my decision is/was to not feed into his BS. I can love him to the moon and back and hope for the best but after all is said and done I can't make him better nor can I make him change his behavior or the way he fundamentally is as a human being. And I have finally come to a place of peace in my heart about this. Well, I still get teary at times over it all, but I have done all I can do and I know how bad it feels to bend over backwards for him and then get this passive/aggressive, shoulder-shrug response.

Hang in there! Are you still coming to AZ soon? xoxo

Thank you so much...and you're absolutely right. I'm just going to need to come to grips with the fact that this is how she is...and cancer doesn't change any of that, of course.

And, yes, I'm here now....just arrived late this afternoon, and just sent you a PM (great minds think alike :) ). I'm only here a few days, leaving early Thursday morning.

Tired and feeling whiney today. Part of my tit and armpit is the color of charcoal and blistered. Questioning why I have to go through this if the plan is to take them off anyway.

hi Debby
 

Hey , got ahead and have a whiney day--this is a long tuff journey and you are doing stupendously.
I am also confused about your sequence of treatment. My breast cancer was a very agressive type and was pretty advanced so I had 4 mo. of chemo, the mastectomies and then radiation treatment last. When I started getting burned I asked the radiation Dr. what to use on it. He gave me some special creme(can't remember what it was) and it did help with the pain and dryness. Have you asked your Dr. what to use?
Sending loving energy your way.
Jeano

Hi Jeano and thank you,

The chain of events:
diagnosed in April - tumor 8cm, grade 3, stage 2b and triple negative
surgery May 2nd - took almost half of my right breast (whine) and lymph nodes (which are clear yeehaw!)
started chemo June 24th - every two weeks, 4 A/C and then 4 Taxol - A/C I didn't have too many side effects from, but the Taxol kicked my ass
3 weeks after chemo, I started radiation and talk to the Dr about next surgery steps Nov 22nd.

The Dr said the radiation burns can get worse with bigger breasts. I wish I would/could have gotten the mastectomy first. It is under my breast and my armpit that is the worst. Dr gave my aquaphor, but working and having to wear a bra and it aggravates it. :(

Sorry to hear you had to go through this, too. I keep reminding myself this is only temporary. Most days, my attitude is good, but yesterday I was whiney and boohooy.

Hugs to all of you, you have all been so supportive.

Debby

Hey everyone. Clay doesn't have internet access, for now. Our glow worm is going in for a repeat colonoscopy next week and she will be having a bowel resection, which hasn't been scheduled yet.

side note:
If anyone is in the same area or knows someone that is, when Clay has surgery, she needs a dog sitter for a week or so.

{{{Clay}}} Keeping you in my thoughts!!! Wish I was closer to pup sit!

Debby, you can complain as much as you like! I think once someone has gone through the big C, they have free range on the grouchy field! ;)

I spoke to Clay, I'll be going down when her date is set, she says to thank all of you for your thoughts and well wishes

Countyfem...you are wonderful! Give clay hugs and keep us updated please. :)

Not only whiney, but been tearing up easy. I am almost done, so WTF is that all about. :(

I was all funky, depressed, and anxious for several months AFTER I finished all of my treatment.

Without going on a long ramble, the thought is that a person can sort of feel adrift after treatment is done. A "what now?" kind of thing. Here they had this major life and death crisis and then their oncologist says, "Ok, you are good to go. Go back to your regular life now. If you get cancer again, we will treat it. See you in 3 months!".

:|

What I did was go here http://www.blockmd.com/ and got blood work done. Got on supplements and started eating as close to vegan as I could tolerate. It makes me feel more in control of my destiny. Is it bullshit? I don't know, but it helps decrease the anxiety about a recurrence.

Not good news
 

Hey, everyone.

My partner's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. We don't know a whole lot besides the tumor is behind her nipple and in a lymph node in her arm pit (I think I said that correctly).

tantalizingfemme is flying out on Saturday to be with her mom for the surgery on Monday. She plans to stay for 8 days.

Please keep her and her mother in your thoughts and prayers.

And Debby, you may be getting lots of questions from me in the future!

Sending thoughts and prayers
 

Dapper, sending healing thoughts and prayers to your Mom-in-law and your partner.
Clay, prayers going out to you.
Countyfemme--you rock!
Debbi, Yep , part of this wild ride is the dang "chemo brain" which can include depression, anxiety, memory loss..... most of it gets better with time but don't hesitate to get help if you want to. And it is like you wrote, you gear up for this fight and then the treatments are done--you have survived the process and then what? Seek out people and things that give you joy.
I am so grateful for this thread and the amazing people who share themselves on here.
Jeano

Countyfem, thank you so much for your caring!! Hugs to you AND to Clay!

Working on the diet changes. I bookmarked the page and will take a look tomorrow. I have a big fear of having to do this again.
Glad to know this is all normal. :)

And Jeano for a resource. :)
So sorry to hear this, I will keep you all in my thoughts Monday.
On a positive note, the recovery from breast cancer is good.

Hugs, Debby

Jeano,

When I feel up to it, I have been going to a cancer support group. It has helped a lot. My memory has improved quite a bit, it was really comical there for a while. :)
How long have you been in recovery? How are you doing now?

Hugs, Debby

I am glad your memory is much better. I "milked" the chemo memory thing for at least a year---but can't really blame it on that anymore--I am almost 7 years past breast cancer. lol I'm doing very well. I just retired and am staying busy working on projects around my little ranch. Thanks for asking.
Jeano

Gives me lots of hope every time I hear someone is years without a recurrence.

I'm gonna pick up my yummy gallon drink on the way home from work today. My procedure is at 9am'ish Monday...wish me luck!

Adventure Club
 

Oh absolutely. Wonderful way to spend Sunday. That yummy stuff, goes down hard comes out easy. :goodluck: with this adventure. :clover::clover::clover:

:pile: