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Ooooops, got carried away and posted in the femme zone... sorry!
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I like to be treated as if I were important and worthy of my partner's time and consideration. I like old school manners and someone who is capable of engaging with me on many levels.
This is a previous post and it still stands true. Quote:
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Update! It depends on who the date is with. If we are romantically involved, please do go all out. At this stage in my life i would like to know i am important and that you are present with me. i've never liked the attention that spoiling me comes with, but i am over it. Spoil me. If we are on a first date you obviously have my interest. Talk about something engaging, lose the cellphone, notice me and expect me to notice you. On a first date i am about gathering information, and to see if there will be a second. Maybe they won't want a second, and thats fine too. Be a good tipper if you are paying and walk me to my car. Don't forget to make sure i got home okay. (f) |
Respectfully and like a Lady.
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I like to be treated well:readrules::bicycle:
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This is difficult to find these days. Especially the latter part. No one has attentive time or interest. So many are constantly absorbed with themselves, social media and what is always going on with everyone else. Some don't understand what substance really is, at an intimate level, at least to a girl who has a very active & deep multi-faceted mind and soul.
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It would be nice to be on an actual date. I don't think I've ever been taken on a real date before. I'm not hard to please, but spontaneously stopping at local fast food doesn't count anymore.
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Treat me like I'm Waterford Crystal ......
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<<<<~~ Delicate, very delicate (but durable). :eyebat: |
I enjoy old school chivalry with the flowers and door-opening and a fancy dinner and a certain "formality".
But I also enjoy super casual dates in jeans and heels where we are eating chicken wings and drinking beer and watching the game. |
thinking on this it depends on who the date is with.
One common thing is being able to have a decent conversation and have a laugh.. |
I've never been on a date before, so I don't know what use I'd be answering this.
My favourite is if they were really respectful, that would make me so happy! I would also like ermm ... Good manners/politeness to the staff, wherever we go. No loudness. No drunkness. Someone who doesn't keep looking at their phone (I hate this, it makes me feel like shit :( ). Someone who can keep a conversation going (because I don't know how to). No butting in/talking over me when I eventually do manage a sentence out. ... No constant bragging/showing off/me me me. No looking at other women, ever (instant deal breaker)! No extravagance (unless it's a mutual decision), I cannot handle it. I'd be so happy going to McDonald's, or the likes, and always splitting the bill. I also really hate surprises, of any kind (they freak me out). .... Make sure I got home safely. ....... I can't think of any more, at the moment. Just to get to know each other and hopefully fall in love. I really don't know. No one's ever treated me special, in that way. I think it might weird me out a wee bit. I think I'd cope with 'normalness'(?). Omg, I've just re-read what I've written and I sound so bossy! .. Dreading posting this. |
Whenever my Mum would go on dates with her ex, he would always order more food whenever it was his turn to pay. She didn't like this.
She wants to be put on a pedestal, and to feel like number 1. |
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OOPS! I meant to write "whenever it was HER turn to pay". It won't let me edit it, sorry! |
I'm not dating right now (just being single for the moment).
I don't date people I don't know. So I don't do blind first dates. Got sick and tired of meeting people for the first time on a first date. So, we will be hanging out (just having a meal together, or coffee, talking - talking is a big part of getting to know you, maybe doing a couple things of shared interest), not dating, till I know you well enough to know if I *want* a date with you and you with me. Dates I like? Shared interests: science stuff! - visit the particle collider at UBC, go to the science museum, get tickets to Nerd Night, or tickets to any of the science shows or lectures, history of science or medicine, or philosophy. anything to do with museums, galleries, planetarium, or aquarium. go to a lake for a swim, or wading at Spanish Banks or any UBC beaches. cinema at the Rio/Cinematique (alternative cinemas that show non-hollywood or "B" flicks). go to a sci fi fan light show at the planetarium or a documentary at the IMAX. take out sushi lunch on the rooftop garden of my building. Please don't get drunk or smoke pot during our date (or before). Have a drink or two, sure - but anything past a bit tipsy is a turn off. Save the joint for when you are with your mates or on your own - if you can't, then I'm not a person to date for you. Please don't expect me to talk with you every day. Please have your own life, your own friends, your own hobbies. I want to share some of those with you, not merge into each other. My job is really physical (so physical the government guidelines are no more than 24 hours of work in a week) so I don't want to hike a mountain or go snow shoeing on my days off. If we get to know each other well enough that I think we'll get on for longer blocks of time together, then I'll be happy to go on three day "camping" trips that don't require me sleeping on the ground. Cards, board games, and movies in those evenings; swimming, snorkeling, lake, forest or beach walks in the afternoons. Tea in bed with books and sex in the morning. I LOVE a lay in! Lovely brunches with a view. 3 day city breaks are fun too! Exploring new cities. I'd love to have a week holiday in Istanbul or Marrakech. |
As I was reading these, it struck me I hadn't had a first date at all. Ever. My dates were usually extended visits to me and not a single, "let's do this on this date and time." That made me sad.
I don't expect a gift unless we've been communicating for long enough for you to know what might be appropriate. Best gift I ever got were door pulls in the shape of a pink heart and a pink star. Please don't bring flowers. You probably won't know that I love carnations. Also, if I have a cat (I don't at the present time) flowers are a nuisance as I don't know a cat that doesn't love them. Be clear up front. I was brought up that the inviter paid unless something else was agreed upon in advance. I don't mind going dutch given the price of everything these days. You should be sparling clean; it's not necessary that the exterior of your car match. The interior should be clean (I'm never driving on a date. Oh wait, I only have a scooter now. Never mind.) Please don't plan to spend a lot of money. This is a first date. I'll be more impressed by you than by what we do. Please make it somewhere we can talk and hear each other. You know the restaurants you can't hear yourself think much less anyone else speak; avoid them. No coffee houses please; I don't drink coffee and the scent of coffee does not appeal to me. What you do and how you do it will factor in to the decision on a second date. |
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It really doesn't take money to date a person. If I was interested in dating anyone (I'm not) these are... Dates I would enjoy, that I'm writing about because you can use them in your situation. movie night at home (a nice film - or just a great tv show, bowl of cherries, plate of cheese and crackers). Cost- maybe $10? You can leave the cherries out if you like. The price could be less just by having dinner at home with the movie - salad fixings are cheap. going for a hike where it may be scenic (bring water and a snack, and a blanket to sit on). With some great conversation and maybe birds nearby or wildlife. How would I want to be treated? Hold the door open for me, help me be seated at the table. Intellectual conversation. Absolutely no sexual moves (it would be too early in the dating time period), look into my eyes, act like what you genuinely are - a person of class and taste. Years ago, this butch in Malibu I was interested in would use scented dryer sheets when doing laundry.. and his shirts would be soft and the scent was nice. I'm saying this as an idea for the butches reading this. Just some ideas for you... Here's wishing you all the best. Deborah |
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i've always been the most impressed when a date remembers something i said or an interest of mine and then plans our time together around that. just the fact that you care that much to please me is a turn on. nothing is more attractive than a women with a plan not just a "what do you wanna do", uhhh idk" , especially in the very early stages this really impresses me. say she loves horror films ? maybe visit a pumpkin patch and pick one to carve followed by netflix binging on scary movies after . complete with popcorn and of course cuddling. femmes loves that shit lol remember even though the gold star femmes are out there many of he girls ur dating have been with men before aka extremely thoughtless for he most past when it comes to this stuff so you have a lot to work with and it usually doesn't take much more than thoughtfulness to really wow them and have them how romantic and considerate you are. |
I like for the girl I'm with to have everything planned out, and be creative with it.
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I want to be treated like a lady. I want the door opened for me, I want the chair pulled out for me, if we're at a restaurant, flowers would be a nice touch but not necessary, good intelligent conversation. Of course (it's obvious therefore I shouldn't even have to write this) a clean car- inside and out is important.
Deborah |
I think it depends on the type of person you're dating. The original poster remarked about their inability to date due to finances. Well, there are many things in life that are easier with money, but also many that are necessary for ones well-being, money or no.
If the kind of person that turns you on is a full-on high-maintenance Femme that you know expects (demands?) to be wined and dined, well, you have your situation clearly laid out for you, don't you? If you haven't got the finances then your chances with them may be limited. But not every femme is like that. I'd say courtesy and a reasonable degree of adaptability are more important - for both people involved in the date. And yes, make an effort with your appearance by all means, but make sure it's YOU that you're presenting, not some stereotype that is purely for the purpose of luring 'em in. Butch or Femme or wherever one is on the spectrum, not everyone has money to spare, but everyone needs affection, and it pains me to see people believing that they have to be rich to go seek that special someone. I've experienced being wined and dined, but the person I fell deeply in love with was as poor as I, and the simple pleasure of being in their company and doing things together sufficed, for me, be that watching a video at their place, or having a cuppa in a cafe after some window-shopping and a walk in the park. Just being with Them, and knowing that They are as interested in you as you are in Them is magical - for me. Dating is not just for the rich. Money can make life easier - but it doesn't create affection, and ultimately, that's what dating is about, no? |
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I adore a butch that I am dating to have all the qualities that a person with integrity would have ~ as well as being romantic ~ knowing I LOVE little gifts impromptu in shiny wrapping paper ~ cologne , combs for my hair , nail polish's , or a pair of silk panty hose etc. When I knew I liked them enough to date so many of the caring, and their own ways of loving had all ready been a part of them or my interest never would have been peeked. The romantic little gifts , gestures, and requirement...... is such a turn on ! ohhhh baby babyyyy ~
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..like i matter
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How do I like to be treated on a date? I remembering answering this one awhile back but here it is again, like the fucking queen I am!
However since I first posted that whenever that was, my dating life has diminished quite a bit and now? I would just like to be treated to a freaking cup of coffee. LoLoL |
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Wow, this is a really fascinating discussion.
It's something I've thought a lot about, as a very feminine woman, but also as a huge feminist. I've often asked myself, "To what degree are gender roles involved in dating? To what degree should they be involved?" For example, I think it's pretty unfair to assume that the more masculine person in the relationship should pay for everything. The rule I always go by is whoever asks out the other person should at least offer to pay on the first date. I think that's a nice gesture to show someone you value their time. But afterward, on second and third dates, things should be a bit more equal, like "Oh you got the cab, let me get the drinks!" Because in the same way that femmes (and straight women, too) don't like to feel taken advantage of for sex, butches (and masculine folks more broadly) don't want to feel taken advantage of financially (I would assume.) On the other hand, I have to say that as a femme, some of the dynamics of a date are inherently related to gender. So, in the interest of trying to help atomiczombie, here's a little list of things I feel are important: 1. Respect and attention - I don't mean to be redundant, since a lot of femmes have already mentioned this, but just turning your phone off and being present during the date is essential. I think the most valuable thing you can offer someone is your time and if you're constantly texting, that's a big red flag! 2. Honestly some chivalrous stuff like holding the door open for her doesn't hurt. Part of me wants to say that's some archaic heteronormative bullshit but the other part of me loves it!! Why is this so attractive?? Someone needs to answer that for me :P 3. Maybe the most important component is planning a date according to your date's interests. I once had someone take me to a sushi place even though I'm vegetarian. It was awkward and I felt so bad for not eating anything! 4. Just make it clear that you have a real interest in getting to know her as a person! Like you mentioned, don't dominate the conversation and don't ask invasive questions. 5. Like everyone else is saying, don't worry too much about money! Some of the best dates are cheap - like picnics. I've always wanted to go on a hike for a date, but maybe that's a better second or third date idea, once you get to know each other a bit more. :) I hope this was at least somewhat helpful!! Just don't worry too much and try to have fun! |
cut & pasted from ardentfemme's above post...
2. Honestly some chivalrous stuff like holding the door open for her doesn't hurt. Part of me wants to say that's some archaic heteronormative bullshit but the other part of me loves it!! Why is this so attractive?? Someone needs to answer that for me :P For me, it has to do with showing courtesy & respect.... I open doors for someone as courtesy, it is just part of my core being, my own self respect of others.......it is having good manners...it is being spontaneous and not performing or being expected to do so...perhaps therein lies your own attraction for having that done so by butches rather than straight men... Hope this makes some sort of sense to you ardent.... Perhaps you find it attractive when the butch does it as she is hopefully actually showing good manners & respect... |
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This, completely. Being wined and dined is NOT my cup of tea. I almost insist upon cooking, because what I do in the kitchen is almost as amazing as what I do in the bedroom...or whereever...; ) My favorite activity is hiking, thrift shops, art museums, etc....very low cost venues. I don't need fancy or wealthy, I need present and kind. |
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