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Today is one of those days that I will be using caffeine as if it were life support.
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is now in a relationship with an ice cold beer.
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Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex. ~ Daniel S. Greenberg
One should always be in love. This is the reason why one should never marry. ~ Oscar Wilde |
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I understand you can't fix stupid, but how do you keep people from using it?
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I have just been told the world doesn't revolve around me, I know it doesn't....... it revolves around the sun which shines out of my ass
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Quote:
medication and sedation... |
Exercise: The process of converting big meals & fattening snacks into muscle, by lifting things that don't need to be moved & running when no one is chasing you.
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I know I am honest, loud, hard to handle, crazy, and funny...... But, please try to keep up!!
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I'm perfectly willing to cooperate as long as it requires no effort on my part.
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I just tried that new fruit-scented Febreeze in the bathroom....now it smells like Shitrus.
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Oh look honey....the Smith's have posted another picture on Facebook.....is that? It IS! Those party animals......they ate dinner again! That makes it what? 30 days in a row? I wonder if it will be beer or wine tonight.........oops yep, it's a beer...... here's another picture. |
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From my favorite misanthrope, Douglas Adams:
It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. You live and learn. At any rate, you live. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot. A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. |
these are nasty but they made me spew coffee today.....
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Quote:
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If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional
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You better hold your breath cause u gonna need when I choke the hell out of u.
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My personal favorite
Opinions are like ass holes everybody has one |
So the other day we stopped by my mom's house to drop off her dog, who we were watching while she and pop were out of town. As I stepped out of the car I was greeted by a pack of 6 year olds riding their bikes down the street shepherded by a man who appeared to be in his mid-late 20s. He was riding a bike with the baby tow tent on wheels thing you see so many parents using. His shorts had slipped down in back to reveal a full......not partial......not plumber's crack......but full moon. Here's what transpired after that;
Wolf; "Excuse me sir but you may want to pull your shorts up a bit." Guy; "What? WTF did you just say to me?" Angry and spoiling for a fight......sigh.......no good deed goes unpunished Wolf; "I said Sir that your shorts have fallen in the back and I was trying to save you the embarrassment of exposing yourself." Guy, who suddenly realized that I was a woman and speaks in a more reasonable yet still annoyed tone: "I'm not embarrassed if my ass shows." Wolf, said mildly: " Clearly not. Well it's a fine ass Sir." Guy; "Thank you." Wolf; "Just like the rest of you. Enjoy your ride Sir, it's a beautiful day for it." |
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