relapse spin
 

today I couldnt remember if I took my medicine for that shift. I still felt safe and didnt think I Needed another dose but if I missed my dose, then it could come screaming back at me in an hour or so....and then I got upset with myself for not measuring it out and taking it by a swig. I can do that with almost anything but oxycodine. I realized I was setting myself up for a relapse if I didnt straighten it out NOW. So my measuring spoon is beside my bottle and my times are marked on a sheet next to the spoon. My roomie comes to tell me its time.

I'm working with my best friend on a look book for a cosmetic company. She's farting her ass off. This room is lit the fuck up!!!!..DAMN..Where's the Gas-X?

Duchess

It's almost 2am and I just finished talking to my mom. I've been out for 7 years, with my partner for 5, but I never talked to her directly about coming out. Twenty some years ago, when I first did so, heartbreak followed. I've been sitting on it for years, now. The situation was finally "right" and I just told her. She was totally fine and I am so relieved and happy. I showed her photos and my rings, told her all about Candy, and told her about our plans to have a ceremony. She said she'd be there. It was rather anti-climactic and also wonderful, I am not going to be able to sleep. Yay. :)

I said something to someone I care a great deal about yesterday afternoon. I am certain it hurt her feelings and pissed her off.

I talked to the sponsor lady last night about it and she straightened me out in a big hurry. Woooooo ... ouch! Slam dunked with love! I needed to hear every single thing she said to me and she said a whole lot. At least I was willing to stand there and listen to her ... the old me would have thought or said "f*ck off" ... then I would have bolted. Today, running away is the easy way out.

I apologized to the woman I hurt but feeling sad about it this morning that I did that to her.

I came here this morning, trying to read funny things you people post here at the Planet in a seemingly futile attempt to pick myself up from feeling so bad ... but think I am only whistling in the dark.

I hate when open my mouth like that, say thoughtless things before I think.

Sometimes I think it would be better if I would go mute and only hang with my dogs ... but that would just be a subtle way of running so I cannot do it. Must face the music and try harder. I am a person with tons of room for improvement.

Honestly? I feel like I just need to go back to bed.

Lover and I frequently feed the squirrels in our apt. complex and this morning I noted that one of them had some extensive injuries on it's body. When I went back outside to see if I could get a closer look I noted four young boys about to throw rocks/acorns at it.

It might not be my place to school/scold the youngsters in my area, but with no one else doing it I find that I come across this role very quickly. I asked them what they were doing and was greeted with three of the four very shamefaced - but the one holding the rock was just rolling his eyes.

I don't know why this affects me so terribly, but it does. After trying my best to educate them as to why they shouldn't hurt a squirrel that is already injured I came inside and just wept.

If not even the kids of today are innocent anymore than how will our future ever have any goodness.

...meanwhile, I just spent 15 minutes on the phone with the dept. of transportation... about a deer that has been on our road for the better half of a week.

sigh.

Ignore the media
 

I am thinking that most people are reasonable, and good and that the media caters to the the loud mouth bigots simply because they are, well, loud.
I would like to believe that the majority of the every day people I run into in my life are live and let live kinda folks. This theory bears out in the people I meet and the students I teach but sometimes I forget because of the hate spewed by the media. I need to remain scrupulous in my choices to ignore the jerkfaces of the media and focus on the many many people I see every day. I think that this is the only way I can preserve myself from loosing hope for our future.

Vacation over with. Starting back to work tomorrow :(

Its Fall time. And even though things will slow down at work its the time of the year for my bosses to be real asses.

Local News Crew was at my church today interviewing people over the Would Jesus Discriminate Billboards that are around DFW.

my good friend JoSchmooze sent me a beaitiful set of three nighties for my stay at the CC. In the CC I was getting lovely compliments about them and couldnt wait for them to get washed when I got home so I could wear them around the house too.

well tonight I read where they had hired Diane Von Furstenburg, to design gowns for the CC! I saw her first designs and i had worn one for my surgery! It was so much more comfortable!

Do you not have a street or a sidewalk you could stroll down?

I used to catch garden snakes when I was a kid, but these country snakes I don't touch
If I can't identify it as a simple garden snake, it's time to walk away

steak bloody rare so can lick the blood off the plate when I am done

rubbing lotion on my feet about 5 times a day each

wearing something that isnt button down the front

riding a horse

wondering what the scale is going to say next time I go to my surgeon's

remember those scales that spoke to you when you got on them? You dont run into them at garage sales and fleas. I think people got mad at them and took out their batteries. I wonder if thats considered abusive?

The weekends over ALREADY? Boo!

:stillheart:

intelligence & sensitivity-
 

:rrose: :rrose: :rrose: femmedyke :rrose: :rrose: :rrose:

oh drat...I didnt mean the Diane gowns were so much more comfortable thant Jo's nighties....I meant Diane's gowns were more comfortable than regular johny gowns with the backs out. Jo didnt want me walking around with my butt cheeks smiling at everybody so he made sure I had decent nighties to wear...lol...

this is what happens when you post and are taking narcotic meds...

LOL! The last place I lived was smack dab in the middle of grain fields... alternated yearly between corn and soy ( wheat was beforehand) and EVERY year for 16 years when the corn got cut... first came the onslaught of field mice to be quickly followed by the snakes chasing the mice! It was like a three week menagerie/ nightmare every year. Ya get used to it after a while, but I tell ya, I'm not sure my lady could have dealt with another year of the snakes...

Good luck! Your area has brown recluse also, so do be careful with the spideys!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_1nA4OmsnqJ.../cute-dog1.jpg

MONDAY AGAIN?

The crazy messed up rearranging of everyone's schedules at work right now. I can't wait until its all figured out.

This is what's on my mind at the moment...
 

I worked ICU this evening at the veterinary referral hospital that I work for and it was really rough. It's a very large, nice hospital and I've never covered the evening criticare reception position. I had six emergencies in two hours - ranging from a very sweet kitty hit by a car, a year old female golden retriever who had managed to undo all of her spay stitches to an a crazy (cute) little Yorkshire terrier with a cracked toe.

The cat, Bagheera, belonged to a young 14 year old girl. He was so amazing that after he got hit by the car he somehow found the strength to crawl into a gutter to hide - he also crawled out of that gutter to his owners repeated calls. It's times like these when I'm not sure why cats are so resilient. He was so far gone and treatment was going to consist of three surgeries and cost over $7,000, so they decided to euthanize. It really sucked to look at that young girls tear streaked face, being just as strong as she could be. So I'm sending my love out to little Bagheera.. and Rachel too. . . Meanwhile, I'm squeezing my own little babies tight. . . trying to find some kind of understanding in a shower of salty tears.

Going through the hell part now of having opened my mouth and said something that hurt someone badly this past Saturday and I deserve every bit of it and much, much more. She is getting her anger out now and I am hanging with her. I am taking every bit of it because she deserves the opportunity to express how she feels about what I said. I will not run off and abandon her again. I am hanging with her to the end of this, wearing my big boy boxers and taking it like a big boy - regardless of what happens.

When I am insensitive as well as selfish and do not think about what I am saying ... there are consequences. I do not want to hurt her like this ever again.

Damn, as she has always said, I can really be a 2x4 butch. Oh, I wish I could erase what I said. Everything was going so good and smooth on Saturday, then I had to go and be a dickhead. :(

Big changes are in the making for me. It does not matter if she decides she will or will not want to speak to me again - I am determined to change this particular trait in me and by damn, I will!

I am just praying we can move past this incident. I do not want to lose her again. I cannot stand the thought of not being able to talk to her anymore. It makes me so sad to think of that.

Will this ever blow over? Last Saturday afternoon seems like an eternity ago. I am stressed to the max. Oh well, too bad - it is all my fault. This one is entirely on me.

I love her.

Happy Day to all you Planet people!

if i asked you to chase me, would you?

:moonstars:

Watching 'Hannah Free'.. hoping that when I'm older, and my hair is turning grey, when my wrinkles from years of laughter give away my age no matter how vainly I may try to deter it, that I'll still be loved and be with the one I love, no one stopping us.

for about a block maybe

that's right, cause then i'd leave you in the dust as i speed off on my trike!
:girlonatv:

Dear Jo,

Please bop her upside the head for me?

love,
rhonda

That I am tired of seeing these spiders and them scaring the life out of me!

Please keep all your spiders away from Oklahoma......just saying :|
I'd rather play with snakes at least I have a better chance of knowing which ones are poisonous

Maybe I'll get the job offer this week. Maybe it will be at a reasonable salary. Or, maybe not. Trying to adopt a "what will be, will be" attitude. I'm no Doris Day.

::biting nails::

On the eve of the Day of My Birth - what will 8:15am tomorrow morning bring?

:candle: