July 30


DEFINITIONS


I am close to my Higher Power but I have no words to describe It. I have found it best to say nothing unless asked. When I do speak, it is always about the path I took or the way I held my face. I know the things that changed, and the wind that blew. This is not the sketch most people seek. My skin is brown and my smile broad; this is not from over-exposure to beams of light. Closeness warms me. I glow from standing near. I know the face and form is different for every day; I must not stop for definitions.


Taste silence and smell the words.
*




The Acts of Hope

I cover my head when I pray
in hopes that God wants me sheltered.
I attend meetings to keep alive the hope
that sobriety is the end of isolation.

I talk to the people in my network
hoping I have something helpful to share.
I sit down to the blank page with hopes
that HP still chooses to collaborate with me.

I pick up my paintbrush filled with hope
that color is still my friend.
I inhale air along with hope that each breath
is worth the effort and I am worthy of this life.


You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

July 31

MY BABIES


Too often I have abandoned the infants of my creativity to doorways and charities. Having little patience I did not raise them to their intended station. Joyful parentage need not stop at the cutting of the cord. Downplaying the importance of each birth, I would leave beauty and art to be foundlings and the province of others. I can share the guardianship of these precious gifts and be more than a brood mare for cunning and craft. I have neglected things apparent for the promise of each new conception. Overpopulation weakens the body of my work and leaves my portfolio listless and immature.


Touch your finger with your nose.
*

Charmed by Snow


Warm weather snow falls in fat full flakes;
I am living in a world of dreams and sweet peas.
Sudden dustings sparkle and surprise
leaving as quickly as they came;
yet the world is kinder now.

Beauty is an ambush of the heart.
My breath alters, accelerates,
speeding me to a smile, an illustration of joy.

Crows walk the edge of the hedgerow,
prattling on as they do;
snow to their ankles and food on their minds.
I drive over the mountains
discovering myself as the recipient,
the receiver of all this great gift, this life.


You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

August 1

GAME PLAYING

My Higher Power doesn’t play me like a board game, doesn’t monopolize my time or put me in jeopardy. My trouble is my own. I pursue trivia at my discretion. I take or reject risk at will. I scrabble my thoughts and am sorry when I make mistakes but don’t expect to live in a candyland. When I stick my hand in the mouse trap, or fall down the shoots and need to climb the ladders, I know the game may not be over, but it is far too late to play let’s make a deal.


Keep a game with you.

*
Porcellano


Some days I feel like a porcelain doll;
hard head, hard hands, hard feet
and everywhere else is soft, gormless.

I feel useless and act out my feelings,
stumbling through a day of pointless inactivity.
I know that I belong on a shelf
or propped upon the pillows of a bed,
not fine enough for curio or collection,
merely someone of marginal decorative value.

I have gotten away from the meaning of me,
the thrum of God’s intentions
and am trapped in this world of elaboration;
everything is embellished and nothing is real.

It is time to put my foot down.
To feel the earth solid and right;
to catch my mind and take it out
of its greasy spin from what is descent.

I am not a China doll
and it is time to walk away
from these purloined thoughts

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

August 2

TOOTH FAIRY


I slide my hand under the pillow and am disappointed not to find a quarter. I feel I deserve one though I didn’t leave a tooth; I did leave my bite. I’ve toned down my bark a bit too. It has not been easy; I have spent much of my life snapping and growling at the world around me. I have shortened the leash on these reactive behaviors, many I have put to bed all together. Improved conduct is prize enough but I surely would enjoy a winged visitor if only just for fun.


Applaud your performance.
*

In Plain Sight

When there is a problem, I hide.
As the good places diminish
I end up standing behind a pole.

The trouble with this is
that something always sticks out.
I try weight loss, I suck in my tummy,
I try to blend with the scenery.

Once spotted I act nonchalant;
“I’m just hanging around with my skinny friend;
nothing is the matter,” attempting to cover
with a casual aside what is apparent to everyone but me.

I would be better off parading naked
than endeavoring this piteous disguise.
I can’t fool the crowd and trying to makes a fool of me.

What I have forgotten is that clarity and diligence
removes the target from my back
and makes me invisible to almost everyone.
When I solve my problem I solve this problem too.


You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

The insanity that precedes the first drink - I thought that had been removed from me but I was dead wrong. In a moment of intense emotional pain, it was back - calling me to numb my feelings. I was just sitting in a bowling alley - one with three bars. Everyone around me seemed to be drinking without any problem. I watched the lady across the room take a drink of her Pina Colada. "I think I need a drink," I said out loud to no one in particular. "The Watermelon Margaritas are excellent," said my friend who did not know I was in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. My friend was proud of me because I had finally furthered my career and would be making more money. She had no idea of the obstacles I had to overcome to get where I was today. She didn't know about the loss of career, the DWIs, the disappointment I had caused my family and friends over and over again. "We should go let off some steam and drink a few one night," she said. "Yeah," I replied, knowing in my heart that I had never "drank a few." I was panicked. I really wanted a drink right now. Less than two days away from my 5 year sobriety date - the most time I had ever put together - and I wanted a drink. "I'm going to get us cokes," I said. I really was thirsty but I'm just going to have a coke. As I approached the bar and saw the bottles lined up behind the counter, the thought crossed my mind that I could do a shot real quick and no one would ever know. My parents who were so proud of me for staying sober and finally advancing my career would never have to know. My young daughter who was counting on me to be there for her would never have to know. The people at meeting would never have to know on Birthday Night. But I knew I would know. And I knew that it wouldn't stop with just one drink. How would I get home? Would I drive my daughter home drunk? What if I got that third DWI and went to prison? What about my new job? "Two cokes and a refill on the Dr. Pepper," I said. I went back to the table. "I have to tell you something," I said to my friend. "I can't drink. I will have 5 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous on Monday."

August 3

SHARING


Please take a bite of my PB&J. I made it myself. It is fine as it is. I slathered the bread and cut it so neatly; still I can’t help but want to offer some to you. I know that to stand and smile next to you, watch you lick the peanut butter from the roof of your mouth, have you dab the jelly from the corner of my lips, will make this sandwich even better. You bring so much to this meal, something bright and so clever. You bring you. I can pull things together and set it all up but somehow my creation is never quite complete until I share it with you.


Withhold a convoy of criticism, advance a brigade of cheer.
*

Big Name

My name has a foreign sound;
my head turns when it is called.
I recognize this as training not identity.

I remember teaching the dog her name.
I called it while petting and praising her,
soon the name was hers.

Now, I think of God.
Did we call long and loud enough
to trigger name recognition on a vast intangible?

Is this how we tagged and labeled the unknowable;
assigned it a place on a shelf;
somewhere to be called up from?

Does the noise sound as strange as the syllables
of my name sound to me?
Does it matter as long as we answer?



You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

I made it! I have 5 years sober today! These past few months have been the craziest ever. I was plagued with fear of success and self-sabotaging behaviors. I have had many periods of sobriety these past 30 years but this is the longest. I breathe a sigh of relief as I begin my 6th year and a new chapter in my life.

August 4


ACCESS

Writing to you, my Sweet, allows me to give what I have available at the moment it comes into my possession. You reading me lets you invite me in when you are ready or willing, possibly both. I can store succulent treasure for you without the least consideration of freezer burn or apathy. You are here when I want you, yearning and prepared. I am yours for the taking in the classroom, the bedroom, or even in your bath. I can whisper or shout to you, rant or tell jokes at you. You can embrace or ignore me, introduce me to friends or keep me your own personal province. We are intimates because I bare my soul to you and you take me into yours.


Recommend your assets.
*

Sleep Tight

Did you dream?
Sleep the sleep of faultless souls?
Or twist the sheets
as in that Gilbert & Sullivan treatment?

Are night time wrestlings an indication
of decadent daytime activity?
Or is it all simply a matter of happenstance?
Possibly something I ate, thought, wished for?

I think to myself,
I should not have gotten into that unmade bed,
should have made it up; the bed and my mind,
should have straighten out the crumpled mass
of discarded dreams from yesterday and started fresh

But instead I climbed in with it all tumbled and tossed,
lumpy and coarse, no smooth sailing in this tangled sea.
What time I would have saved by leveling
the playing field and plumping the pillows.

All is not lost, there is always tonight.
Sweet dreams straight ahead


You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

Being honest and standing up for myself is one of the hardest things for me. Being such a people pleaser, it is extremely painful. But I know in my heart, that if I do not do it, I will not make it in the program. To Thine Own Self Be True.

I love how hearing something at a meeting can spark something in my own head. Last night the speaker and another person sharing talked about how once they put down their binge/trigger foods (my substance of choice,) all the feelings they'd ever had in their entire life came crashing down on them at once. After that happened, one woman said the thought came to her that "[eating] this will make me feel better."

The spark in my head said, "it won't make you feel better, it'll make you feel LESS."

Something important for me to remember on days when I struggle. Thanks for "listening."

And congratulations EnchantedNightDweller, that's awesome!

August 5



STUBBORN


When the donkey won’t move forward it’s time to stop running. No need to make an ass of myself through force or coercion. The dumb animal may be mute but its actions speak. Reluctance is a warning. If my animal nature is balking, listening not shoving is the preferred course. Super intelligence can’t best good horse sense. I must stand with my intuition; that creature depends on my survival for life.



Balance your shoe with your foot.
*

What are We Fighting For

Instead of competition for dominance
we would benefit from cooperation for survival.
The struggle to become the very best destroyers in the world
very well might make us postmortem champions.

Why is it that the lions don’t work to eradicate hyenas?
They could, but they don’t.
Why not, is the ever present question on my mind.

I have no answer as to why we strive to conquer.
A thousand platitudes come to mind,
but nothing fast or tight, nothing that holds water.
So, the question remains; why are we hell bent?



You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

Just had a major moment of clarity while driving home. A sure sign that you are doing something that's not good for you is when you don't share it with your sponsor. You don't share it, because you know she will ask you those questions that make you think about what you are doing. And then you will realize just how insane your thinking really is.

"We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the ways these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended us, we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

Alcoholics Anonymous - How It Works p. 66 - 67

This quote has literally saved my ass a couple times.

How can we, as recovering people, hold anger and resentment towards others who are us?? We just can't. Even when it's right in your face and personal as all get out.

Thanks for posting it. I obviously needed a reminder :doh:

A 4th Step Resentment Prayer:
"God, Please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.** Help me to see that this is a sick man. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Thy will be done."(66:2, 66:3, 66:4, 67:0, 67:1)

**Dear God, I have a resentment towards a person that I want to be free of. So, I am asking you to give this person everything I want for myself. Help me to feel compassionate understanding and love for this person. I pray that they will receive everything they need. Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment. (BB, Freedom from Bondage: 552)

These instructions are for the above prayer (Big Book, Freedom from Bondage, p. 552):
'If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free...Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.'
You can, also, include the Freedom from Bondage Prayer in the 4th Step Resentment Prayer.


I use this instruction and the prayers a lot :cheesy:

:tea:

Your welcome! It's my favorite prayer in the Big Book, lol, I guess because "resentments are the #1 offender"! That and finance and romance. I needed it as a reminder for myself today.:praying:

Rule 62 - Don't take yourself too seriously! :huhlaugh:

August 6

ALICE


Because I even wore out my welcome at the Mad Hatter’s house, I can sit on my hands at my sponsor's table and listen, listen, listen. If I had been able to make a place for myself with the looking-glass folk, I could never have let myself lose my eccentricities and join in the fellowship. Going down further than a rabbit hole, I lost my need to chase or scramble after bunnies for time or card tricks. No more illusions for me. I am awake and shaded by the tree of AA branching over me. Sisters I didn’t know take my hand.


Dance with change.
*



I didn’t mean to make you laugh


You think I’m witty, well, yes, I have always been like this,
no one knew quite what to do with me as a small child,
but I have grown into this acumen,
or possibly grown out into it, is closer to accurate.

I was dark witted when I was young,
I think of myself as less so now,
optimism is a blessing I have gained through the years,
it feels good and I keep it close.

I need to be a blithe spirit to travel the road I do.
Tears have their place, I know that for sure,
but I rather not go around with a puss on all day and all night.
Additionally it is so much about perspective; you see,
the honey makes the peas taste funny
but now they stick to my knife.


You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

I love that and need that! Thank you LWF!