I didn't even do it when it WAS acceptable. I have to say that it really depends on how an individual is wired. Who are the acceptable police? I mean, who deems what is acceptable in a relationship between two people other than those two people? My vagina's business ends at the tip of everyone elses nose.

When women cheat (or even just date more than one person) they are deemed whore, slut, man eater, cheap, loose and so forth. Men normally get a wink and a pat on the back. Stud muffins. (Unless they are high profile and claiming family values, or just being two faced douche bags)

So your point of acceptability is moot, IMO. Cheating, lying, and hiding things from ones partner? Not nice. No matter who you are.

Insurance companies pay for Viagra and most pharmacies carry it.
The same cannot be said for birth control, the morning after pill, etc.
I've yet to hear of a flacid penis be a pre-existing condition, or beating ones wife be a pre-existing condition.
I HAVE heard of childbirth and being a victim of DV justified as reason to deny health coverage.

I guess my point is that double standards run rampant, but not usually in the favor of women.

Dylan using married queers who are divorcing is almost comical considering the incredibly small percentage of queers who are allowed to get married and how very new it is.

Internal dialogue....
 

Interesting posts. I'm new here so I think I will learn as I go, I think, haha

I swear, do y'all just read my posts, and then insert whatever wild thought comes to your head? Do you read my posts at all, or do you just see that I've posted, make up some ridiculousness, and then attribute it to me?

Please show me where I used queer marriages as an example of anything.

I'm beginning to think you misconstrue my words on purpose


Dylan

Oh, I don't know. Where on EARTH did I come up with that?
Because you just feed me the material Rev., I don't have to make a THING up.

p.s. Dylan you are right about sleeping with others while legally separated. Texas and six other states don't even ALLOW legal separation. Who knew? See, I learned something. It has to be whittled down to state law really on a *legal* basis. On a *moral* basis? That is between the couple I guess but technically it IS adultery. So thanks, because I had no idea.

Legal vs. moral, very different concepts. And I'm thinking about personal moral vs. public moral.... dictates, conditioning, power dynamics and money..... on and on.....

There is no way I can put every single person that is unfaithful into one specific category. Nor can I personally define what is morally right for anyone else but myself. Hummm.. actually, the term moral doesn't sit well with me anyway. And I prefer legal sanctions about marriage (straight or queer) to encoumpass no-fault divorce. I have yet to see a divorce in which fault cannot be found with both partners in some way. Sure, there are things like cheating (if partners have an agreement to be sexually mongamous) and/or abusive trump most fault variables, but I am happy that many states have moved beyond fault which has been really based upon moral issues for dissolution of marriage. There are many other variables such as children to deal with. Many of us do own property together and have set-up retirement plans together.

Along with the right to marry legally, comes all the responsibilities of marriage and divorce.

I am just not OK with someone being sexual with someone else and being with me. However, I am very clear about this at the start and want this honesty returned. Sometimes we just have things that are deal-breakers.

I'm just glad I have developed some clarity about what I can accept and not accept and an understanding that all of us are just different in these matters.

to clarify: i used moral as in we each have our own moral compass of what is right and what is wrong.:love1:

Yeppers, I got this!

:2butch:

one of my main credos is I dont accept the unacceptable. When people start to court me, I go through a series of questions that I ask them at different points along the way, and offer my own answers to them. Its a fun little game, but a serious one as well. I even tease (but am serious) about a contract before living together, compiled of things we have discussed and agreed upon. If someone absolutely has to have the sink cleaned out of dishes at all times...they need to let me know that because I am a stacker...I let the dishes stack up until there is enough of them to warrant standing there to do them. You would think this would not be a serious issue, but with two past partners, it was. So I have included this kind of "research" in my "questionarre"
so if I am going to ask about sinks and dirty dishes, you know I am going to ask about morals and values. Let someone say the "n" word and its a deal breaker. Seriously. Let someone tell me its ok to emotionally cheat on a partner,that they believe its not the same thing as physical cheating, they also lose.

I am CLEAR about my unacceptables, deal breakers. Life is way to short to think I can spend even a day with someone who does things that have the same affect on my soul as nails on chalkboards have on my spine....

It's not just disruptive to the sufferer, but everyone who knows them. It pervades every pore of the relationship until it kills it eventually. Maybe not in every case, but in my case, yeah. Some people suffer from the whole triple threat you mentioned, it's sad to feel so un-cared for by the other, that they would not want to get help. But they have to want it for themselves, another person will never be important enough. Like with my own addictions, I had to want to be clean and sober for myself, not for someone else. But I've also learned, for ME, sex addiction is a huge consideration in partnering -- learned like everything else, the hard way. I want no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, and no sex addictions in my life. I want my partner to be able to be as fully in the present as possible. I offer that, and I want it in return. No more compromising my values. There are enough challenges in life without having to face daily addictions as part of the burden. Progress, not perfection -- and for me, progress starts with being free from active addictions, and my partner also. This is a separate issue (but related) from that of honesty and communication which are integral; for me it is impossible to achieve that with addictions in the way.

AMEN. I wonder if these few celebrity cases are doing a disservice to those who really do suffer as sex addicts. IMO it has made the public at large make a big joke about it. Which is sad.

Progress, not perfection baby!

In a way they do shine a light on a pervasive problem. On the down side, it tends to cause people to make light of a serious situation. Not everyone who suffers can get an all-expenses-paid trip to "Promises" or whatever the hell celeb rehab is popular these days. Maybe instead of highlighting those on pedestals, they could offer real solutions for the average person who may need it. It's a very complicated issue that can't be treated with a golf club.

Many sex addicts are not in relationships. With a real person that is.

and, many sex addicts don't feel *themselves* as 'real' people...the whole thing, imo, is that it's all sad, sad, sad and brings that same upon everyone involved...

maudlin this evening, I guess...