I have to admit the concept of "femme's femme" and "butch's femme" is a bit mind boggling to me. I can't actually wrap my head around either of those concepts.

I know dykes that will shag anything that moves regardless of who's in the way of it. I kind of stick everyone, regardless of sex/gender/sexuality in that same box. I guess because I don't hang out with butch-femme community much, but a very mixed one, I put all horndogs in one box.

People I trust to sleep next to my partner naked? well I think I'd trust my partner? I have to admit I'm really failing to grasp that concept either. I think concepts are just not translating for me. I've become borg!

sorry. the terms are really swishing over my head. And I don't think explaining them are really going to make me understand. I think it comes from context of community. That's ok. I'll just nod. Or quietly sip something and play with some spilled salt on the table. I think I used to understand. somewhere, off in the past fog of my head before the Limeys got me thinkin like them...

First: I totally snorted out loud at "horndog"! I freakin' LOVE that!

Thing about trust is that I do trust my partner implicitly. I'd like to have a similar level of trust for my girlfriends. That's all :)

shagging in the loo . . . always socially appropriate

i'm with honeybarbara - the first thought i had when thinking about people i'd trust to sleep next to my partner naked was...well, i trust my partner.

i absolutely get the part about honesty and authenticity and that's something i demand of people i have close friendships with as well. it just feels like there are other assumptions happening in this thread that i don't personally understand.

I'm sounding in on this late, but I will say that I am another who goes against the grain.

You can't help who you fall in love with... Things happen.

Now, granted, I am not saying I want my ex to start dating my best friend the day after we split... However, I will say more power to you if it's something true and not a rebound (or finding out that you've already been secretly seeing that person while we were still together).

Okay, I am not a Femme but I do have an opinion on this sort of thing. One of the first things I learned as a Baby Butch in my late teens and early 20's is that your buddies current and/or ex was off limits. Out of respect for your friend and even for her/his ex, it was better to just leave it alone. Maybe in time if you still felt a desire to date her/his ex, you would go to your friend and tell them your intention. It was not asking for permission. It was to be honest with your friend and get an idea as to how far along they were in their healing process or just simply letting go of the ex. If it is clear your friend is still grieving and healing, then it was up to me to make my decision.

Maybe this Old School Butch Code was not in all circles but I know it was part of my group. Did all live by this, no. However, it was clear there could be consequences. The consequences were you hurt someone you care about and/or you might even face some sort of physical fight, smack down.

As for "harmless flirting," sometimes it is harmless and sometimes it is not. I have experienced someone "harmlessly flirting" with my girlfriend in the threads and the next thing I know somehow this harmless flirter is their next butch. (No, not and this site or with regulars that frequent BFP.)

Obviously there was something not working in our relationship. There had to be or else the harmless flirter could not have wormed there way in. My point, flirting can be so much more then harmless.

---if you are in my circle of friends, I will not date your ex. To me that is like moving from sister to sister. In this life there are some things you just do not do. This is one of them.--------

this is like a loaded question ....

If someone wants to date one of my exes, you have my blessing.

I couldn't be happy with them, but who am I to deny their (or your, or any of my femme friends') pursuit of happiness with them.

If I were still in love with any of them, I guess I would feel differently, but I can't know for sure.

One of them, I knew I was over her when I heard she was dating someone and my gut response was a panicked urge to warn and protect the femme from going through what I did.

But that's the only strong reaction I've had, about any of my exes being with someone else.

For the most part, my exes are decent people, just not a good match with me. And there are so few choices out there, IMO, of people who are right for us. I don't want to make the field any more narrow for someone else.

When it comes to making what some would view as inappropriate choices of a lover, I also look with hope at the example of my sister, who fell in love with her neighbor.

She was married and had a toddler and a small child at the time. Couldn't possibly have been messier—not to mention, they had to alert their chief officers in the governments of two countries, because the men worked together in a sort of tricky configuration.

"Bless her heart," said my best gay male friend in his Texan twang. "An international incident."

I agree. I say bless her heart, which she followed.

Because now, 20 years later, instead of having endured with the wrong man, (who I love like a brother, but I understand why she didn't want to remain married to him), she is living with her best friend and lover, and they have the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever seen, with lots of common interests, flirting, laughing, trust and a strong emotional bond.

If one of my exes if your truly right person, your once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness, or even if you just want to have some fun with her, I say, Go for it, and again, you have my blessing.