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-   -   PTSD and Trauma recovery (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=531)

Apocalipstic 05-07-2010 02:08 PM
Hey there P&L and welcome!

I have some of the same issues around weight, totally understand!

So glad the achievements you have made are helping with the PTSD. Mine comes and goes depending on what is going on in my life.

Thank you for sharing, you have so much great insight into things that help!

xoxoxo

J

DamonK 05-07-2010 02:17 PM
I have several issues rleated to previous trauma.

I loathe crowds. Although I'm excited, the thought of going to the Reunion makes my blood run cold and makes me want to hide under a table or something. I know my dislike of crowds is associated with lowered self esteem due to...issues in the past, as well as my deafness.

I have horrible nightmares. I've had the same one for almost a year now. No amount of reassurance calms me for the next day afterwards, and I will hear the sounds of the dream for a week.

I used to SI. The last time I did that was a little over a year ago, and for a few hours, that time, it was thought that I'd broken my hand.

I used to be a drug addict. I was a pill popper. My favorite pill was xanax when I could get it. Ritalin was a close second. Either of those combined with pot was awesome.

I used to drink. A lot. I used to go to work drunk. One day I scared myself.


So, sometimes I wonder, with all I've faced, how I came out on the other side? I'm still marked. I'm still scarred. For me, it's the knowledge of all I've survived through. Someone once told me, "You beat impossible odds to become a responsible, caring person."

Maybe I didn't experience the physical abuse. Maybe there was never a mark on my body from what happened to me. I learned to loathe myself. For years, I wouldn't look in a mirror.

Now, I can look in a mirror. And I don't loathe myself any longer.

Jet 05-07-2010 04:13 PM
Hello all,

Just touching base with this journey in progress. The suffering and subsequent PTSD initially occurred from an ordeal that lasted less then three minutes. It was about two days before friends came over and took me to the hospital. The memory and flashbacks of those two days of being highly-traumatized have come back in "sections" so to speak. I'm glad to tell you that everything is out except for one "piece" or section, if you will. It is the piece when trauma was at its peak. When it comes front and center, I believe that 17 years of suffering and leading a "pseudo life" will be over.

I have not known what it is to feel normal or like myself for almost two decades. And that is sad and riveting because as I've aged I hadn't recognized myself. And I didn't because I had done everything to live outside myself, completely denying that what happened didn't happen. With that, I created a sort of co-life for myself as a way to survive and lived on auto pilot ignoring neurological damage, painful shock and extreme fear. Its; the most dangerous thing I could do. And trust me, when I tell you, my psuedo life ran the extremes. I spent 11 years in seclusion, for the most part, and did everything to become straight and feminine, and the person I thought God and everybody expected me to be.

It made me crazy. And the first step was to go back and search for me as I was, as I am created, and as I am innately made. I have crossed rivers and valleys and mountains of guilt, self-punishment, denial, anger and that ungodly, unceasing fear.

Fear, fear, fear.

Again, I fear what's coming next—that brief moment in time when I caved and they rushed me to the hospital. From that moment on, came unconscionable physical suffering in my sternum (shock area), fear and misery. The fear was so bad at one time, it locked my jaws and an oral surgeon has unlock them. there were days I couldn't a coffee cup because of shock not to mention the horrible dry mouth from fear trying to pour out of me a from some level or memory that I had pushed away.

And to think I tried to work at the corporate level for six years? This ordeal ruined my life and took everything from me because I spiraled; I couldn't handle anything outside of my psuedo life, and my life worsened as time went on. I resigned from one job because of the pressure mixed with this condition, and I lost a second corporate job because I fell asleep in staff meetings from being over-medicated. Medication is only about a quarter of what I'm doing do to reclaim my life and myself. I have to face, completely, everything that happened to break the chains of fear.

I ask to ask myself are you a coward? How much more do you want to lose? Is it worth the pain and the unknown you'll face? My family did all they could to help, so did my friends, now it was up to me because this can't be "medicated away". I knew all along it had to be faced, I had to grips with what happened.

So the journey continues with facing that terrible moment when I thought I had ceased to exist—and there was only that abnormal, unnatural fear. I didn't realize that facing my suffering would mean facing all of what happened. But it does in order to get it out of my system. I'm staying meds and walking with God on this. And I hope I have reason to celebrate as victorious soon.

WingsOnFire 05-08-2010 09:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DamonK (Post 101165)
I have several issues rleated to previous trauma.

I loathe crowds. Although I'm excited, the thought of going to the Reunion makes my blood run cold and makes me want to hide under a table or something. I know my dislike of crowds is associated with lowered self esteem due to...issues in the past, as well as my deafness.

I have horrible nightmares. I've had the same one for almost a year now. No amount of reassurance calms me for the next day afterwards, and I will hear the sounds of the dream for a week.

I used to SI. The last time I did that was a little over a year ago, and for a few hours, that time, it was thought that I'd broken my hand.

I used to be a drug addict. I was a pill popper. My favorite pill was xanax when I could get it. Ritalin was a close second. Either of those combined with pot was awesome.

I used to drink. A lot. I used to go to work drunk. One day I scared myself.


So, sometimes I wonder, with all I've faced, how I came out on the other side? I'm still marked. I'm still scarred. For me, it's the knowledge of all I've survived through. Someone once told me, "You beat impossible odds to become a responsible, caring person."

Maybe I didn't experience the physical abuse. Maybe there was never a mark on my body from what happened to me. I learned to loathe myself. For years, I wouldn't look in a mirror.

Now, I can look in a mirror. And I don't loathe myself any longer.
Your night terrors have become much less pro dominant in the past year. However I know you try to protect me from seeing them so sometimes I dont even know you have had one.

I am so proud of you and I know that you are working hard to work through self loathing. You have no reason to feel that way about yourself but I understand why you do.

I love you fiercely and I am so proud of the progress you have made. I am proud to know that on Monday we will celebrate our first anniversary. I am proud to be loved by such a wonderful and amazing guy.

Andrew, Jr. 05-08-2010 11:53 AM

This afternoon I received a phone call from my bio-mother. I am just shocked, horrified, and all the other words you can lump in there. For the most part I tend to ignore my bio-parents at all costs. I talk to them briefly, and see them maybe once a year (if at all). They have ignored me, and now that they are elderly...it seems that they are needy of me. No. I just cannot do that. It is like for years and years they made a point of it to ignore my birthday, holidays, and everything else going on in my life. And now that they realize that they are knocking the door to the other side - it just dawned on them that they need to fix the damage that they have caused. I say no to that, and walk away. I am just way too bitter.

Yes, I am a forgiving man. I am very forgiving. In fact, I can and have turned the cheek to help them out, drive them to doctor appointments, the grocery store, shopping, and so on. However when they cross the line of belittling me, Rosie, my healthcare issues, and insulting everything about me, no. I have to just draw the line and say no. It's abuse, and I am stopping it dead in it's tracks. That is just nuts. No doubt about it. All I can do is pray for them.

No matter what I do or say, nothing changes with my parents and their behavior. They need to get a grip on life and living honestly. I am so disappointed and let down by them. :soapbox:

friskyfemme 05-08-2010 05:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 101603)

This afternoon I received a phone call from my bio-mother. I am just shocked, horrified, and all the other words you can lump in there. For the most part I tend to ignore my bio-parents at all costs. I talk to them briefly, and see them maybe once a year (if at all). They have ignored me, and now that they are elderly...it seems that they are needy of me. No. I just cannot do that. It is like for years and years they made a point of it to ignore my birthday, holidays, and everything else going on in my life. And now that they realize that they are knocking the door to the other side - it just dawned on them that they need to fix the damage that they have caused. I say no to that, and walk away. I am just way too bitter.

Yes, I am a forgiving man. I am very forgiving. In fact, I can and have turned the cheek to help them out, drive them to doctor appointments, the grocery store, shopping, and so on. However when they cross the line of belittling me, Rosie, my healthcare issues, and insulting everything about me, no. I have to just draw the line and say no. It's abuse, and I am stopping it dead in it's tracks. That is just nuts. No doubt about it. All I can do is pray for them.

No matter what I do or say, nothing changes with my parents and their behavior. They need to get a grip on life and living honestly. I am so disappointed and let down by them. :soapbox:
Andrew,
You and I have a similiar situation. As I have said, I grew up with an abusive, narsicistic, authoritarian, alcoholic dad. In his entire lifetime I avoided him and never forgave him. It was the only empowerment I had with him until he died.

Somethings we heal from; others we shield ourselves from to survive. Do that which is better for you.

Andrew, Jr. 05-08-2010 07:02 PM

FF,

I think & believe you are so right. Thank you. Today just he, my father, set me off. Big time. I haven't felt so much rage in such a long time, and it really was strange. I am very very peaceful. I practice peace. I talk of peace. And yet today...I let myself down. I just am not myself because of my father. He finds enjoyment in my rage.

tuffboi29 05-09-2010 06:42 PM
PTSD
 
Dear PTSD...(yes i know what thread im on)

.....slowly but steadily im beating you...you WILL go away....i have a new stratigy plan and action goals...and you cant get me in my meditations which i found is a new way to rest myself w-out sleeping...HAHA!!anyways i just thought i'd let you know that im goin to get you....so there!!

sincerely
a not as tired Tuff

atomiczombie 05-15-2010 02:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jet (Post 101225)
Hello all,

Just touching base with this journey in progress. The suffering and subsequent PTSD initially occurred from an ordeal that lasted less then three minutes. It was about two days before friends came over and took me to the hospital. The memory and flashbacks of those two days of being highly-traumatized have come back in "sections" so to speak. I'm glad to tell you that everything is out except for one "piece" or section, if you will. It is the piece when trauma was at its peak. When it comes front and center, I believe that 17 years of suffering and leading a "pseudo life" will be over.

I have not known what it is to feel normal or like myself for almost two decades. And that is sad and riveting because as I've aged I hadn't recognized myself. And I didn't because I had done everything to live outside myself, completely denying that what happened didn't happen. With that, I created a sort of co-life for myself as a way to survive and lived on auto pilot ignoring neurological damage, painful shock and extreme fear. Its; the most dangerous thing I could do. And trust me, when I tell you, my psuedo life ran the extremes. I spent 11 years in seclusion, for the most part, and did everything to become straight and feminine, and the person I thought God and everybody expected me to be.

It made me crazy. And the first step was to go back and search for me as I was, as I am created, and as I am innately made. I have crossed rivers and valleys and mountains of guilt, self-punishment, denial, anger and that ungodly, unceasing fear.

Fear, fear, fear.

Again, I fear what's coming next—that brief moment in time when I caved and they rushed me to the hospital. From that moment on, came unconscionable physical suffering in my sternum (shock area), fear and misery. The fear was so bad at one time, it locked my jaws and an oral surgeon has unlock them. there were days I couldn't a coffee cup because of shock not to mention the horrible dry mouth from fear trying to pour out of me a from some level or memory that I had pushed away.

And to think I tried to work at the corporate level for six years? This ordeal ruined my life and took everything from me because I spiraled; I couldn't handle anything outside of my psuedo life, and my life worsened as time went on. I resigned from one job because of the pressure mixed with this condition, and I lost a second corporate job because I fell asleep in staff meetings from being over-medicated. Medication is only about a quarter of what I'm doing do to reclaim my life and myself. I have to face, completely, everything that happened to break the chains of fear.

I ask to ask myself are you a coward? How much more do you want to lose? Is it worth the pain and the unknown you'll face? My family did all they could to help, so did my friends, now it was up to me because this can't be "medicated away". I knew all along it had to be faced, I had to grips with what happened.

So the journey continues with facing that terrible moment when I thought I had ceased to exist—and there was only that abnormal, unnatural fear. I didn't realize that facing my suffering would mean facing all of what happened. But it does in order to get it out of my system. I'm staying meds and walking with God on this. And I hope I have reason to celebrate as victorious soon.
Hey bud,

I recognize in your story one fundamental fact of my own: the world just doesn't feel like a safe place anymore. My therapist said that to me recently and it hit the nail squarely on the head. How do you get that sense of safety back? That's the trick, especially when your brain is now programmed to stay in that state of hyper vigilance, fight or flight. For me, every emotion I feel turns into anxiety when the feeling is strong. That includes depression, excitement, even joy. It's like the brain is just wired for panic and anxiety.

I guess the way to dig out of that hole is to start with how you feel about yourself. That is what I am working on in therapy and it's very rough going. What is helping me at the moment is that I am starting my journey of my FTM transition. It gives me a goal, and something to look forward to. At least it's a distraction anyway.

Well, I hope anything I have said might be helpful bud, but I don't know. Keep on pluggin', don't give up. :gimmehug:

Jet 05-15-2010 03:17 PM
You have to feel the feelings, otherwise you'll be pent in for the rest of your life. Fight the fear that is associated with being victimized. Don't think about being victimized, think about fighting the fears within as you face the trauma, and chunk by chunk, it will come out.

AS you take meds/if you take meds, know that they are there to keep your head straight and your anxiety level down.. Each time there is a trigger, or something happens, let the fear come out and give it over to God. By all means don't be afraid to feel the feelings.

I had to stop my transition process because of trauma; I didn't fake feeling well with my therapist. I did not want risk agressive behavior (which some guys have) or the responsibilites which come from a life-changing challenges that transitioning would bring for me. I don't want to go through anything that would level me because of an the unstable and unpredictable lapses from PTSD.

I'm very close I think to coming out the other side—however it may even the summer or fall before I complete this process. PTSD is rough. Facing or remembering something to get rid of it is can be rougher—for one thing, I get really pissed that I suffer from trauma. I'm on meds for this, so that I can stay level without issues around PTSD. Considering that I don't how T will affect me, it's best that I stay on course and deal with trauma and the toll it took on my life.

Good luck all
—J

Andrew, Jr. 05-16-2010 09:45 AM

I was talking with a ptsd survivor. Amazing woman, but we all are. To survive and thrive. God bless us all.


tuffboi29 05-19-2010 12:55 AM
Trying to recover...
 
Well Ladies and Gents,...



I decided it was time to check in and also check up on ya'll too.For the first time in forever it seems i just may be winning this battle.Therapy is starting to kick in and I'm even thinking of intensifing it by going to more sessions per week.There is a new study out to help lesson the night terrors also that I am currently in the works of persuing(when i get the name of it I'll let you guys know).I still REALLY need to get more sleep but am happy to report that I've gotten my appetitie back (3 meals a day!!wowza!!) and can now sleep for a little longer that 4 hours at a time at night.Before i was only getting 1-3 hours tops and was more comfortable sleeping during the day which i just can't do with my responsibilities.I would like to end by saying this...Keep it up guys...if I can see the light at the end of my tunnel you can too.Lets keep encouraging each other.If I hadn't seen some of the post that I've read on this forum I'm not sure if my courage to combat this terrible thing would have stayed firm.YES!!...it's terrifing!!YES!!...this IS hard!!YES!!there is an end to it and a way to fight back!!...Stay strong and don't let this get the best of you because there are other things in life that deserve it much,much more.

And once again,thank you to everyone who posted even just one sentence.Know that I read it AND IT HELPED.THANK YOU ALL.

JustBeingMe 05-19-2010 11:00 AM
Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I won't go into it here because it's deeply personal, but just know it was a HIGHLY TOXIC day, and it's been hugely difficult to go through when this happens, and it's happening alot for me. I can't control anyone elses behaviour but when it affects me like it does, it brings out a part of me that I hate. There are times when I can handle not engaging in it, but there are times when I feel so overwhelmed by all the yelling going on, which sets off my PTSD and Anxiety and Depression, and I just can't take anymore. I know it's situational thing but damn it's totally screwed up havin to deal with it. I just wish my other stuff was overwith so I can move on with my life. Lord help me to be stronger and help me to NOT engage with the Toxic stuff, and help me to remain calm in my times of need.
I went to the clinic yesterday to do blood work and other testing, and finally have an appt to see the new doc on June 1st. I just wish it were sooner so I could be put back on my anxiety meds, cause it works for me well.
Take care everyone, and I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Andrew, Jr. 05-19-2010 11:10 AM

I am in a bad place right now. I am fighting my depression. Sometimes others, for whatever reason, find enjoyment out of edging me on. Do you guys and gals find that to be true?

Today I listed my smilie as this one = :blues: It just describes me best for now.


Liam 05-19-2010 11:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 109814)

I am in a bad place right now. I am fighting my depression. Sometimes others, for whatever reason, find enjoyment out of edging me on. Do you guys and gals find that to be true?

Today I listed my smilie as this one = :blues: It just describes me best for now.

I don't know that I would call it edging me on, I do think there are some people, who enjoy being antagonistic toward me.

I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now, Andrew. I hope that changes for you, soon.

JustBeingMe 05-19-2010 11:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 109814)

I am in a bad place right now. I am fighting my depression. Sometimes others, for whatever reason, find enjoyment out of edging me on. Do you guys and gals find that to be true?

Today I listed my smilie as this one = :blues: It just describes me best for now.

Unfortunately yes, I have someone in my life that edges me on in a bad way. I am not sure they get actual enjoyment out of it, I think it's just part of the way they are now and how they live life, yelling and screaming, blaming, all that drama stuff that adds to my own depression. It's hurtful but,I cannot control how they behave, I can only try my damndest not to engage; but it happens at times that I get caught up in it so much that it makes my depression much harder to deal with and the thoughts I have that derail my thinking and they go very deeply negative. So if you see me post highly negative, it's because I am having to deal with someone that is toxic to me.
I am sorry your going through that Andrew. Is there anyway you can not include those people in your life? Me, unfortunately right now I can't do that, but hopefully I will be able to do so, soon, and love them from a very far distance.

Andrew, Jr. 05-19-2010 03:11 PM

Liam,

I am talking about in real time, not online. Online I can handle. Does this make sense?

I need to find coping skills for this, Justbeingme. The person is my adopted sister. She has a huge heart of gold, but she can be just a major pain in the ass. Everything revolves around her. Everything. I love her, but she is a princess by all definitions of the word. And she pushes all of my buttons.

Andrew

Liam 05-19-2010 05:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 109991)

Liam,

I am talking about in real time, not online. Online I can handle. Does this make sense?

I need to find coping skills for this, Justbeingme. The person is my adopted sister. She has a huge heart of gold, but she can be just a major pain in the ass. Everything revolves around her. Everything. I love her, but she is a princess by all definitions of the word. And she pushes all of my buttons.

Andrew
Sure, Andrew.

JustBeingMe 05-20-2010 11:51 AM
Sorry Andrew. I understand.

Andrew, Jr. 05-21-2010 09:40 AM
TGIF!
 

I hope everyone is doing ok. Remember it's TGIF!

PearlsNLace 05-21-2010 11:26 AM
I learned this through sobriety, but it really has had a postive impact with dealing with my flashbacks.

I notice that when I get HUNGRY
ANGRY
LONELY
TIRED
I am more susceptable to flashbacks. And panic attacks.

Recently I learned that when Im excited even about GOOD THINGS, I often cannot differentiate between early panic attack vs happy excitement. Crazy? dunno. Its been really oddly helpful to tell my brain - hey things are ok, this is good stuff! and focus on breathing, and then I DONT go spiraling. Cause, well, for me today, life IS good. and I certainly dont want to ruin another moment in my life over :nailbitin: yanno?

Apocalipstic 05-21-2010 12:41 PM
Just checking in to say hi!

It's been a rough time lately, all the flooding here has brought up one of my traumas, which was a flash flood that we were caught in when I was a kid. Our whole city is traumatized. Several members here weer trapped in their homes or ended up in shelters.

I totally get not feeling safe, ever. The hypervigilance.

I take my medicine, go to therapy and a psychiatrist and still it is a long road and I worry my friends, family and co-workers will just give up on me. I feel too empty to add the stress of worrying about other people's stress if that makes sense. Like an empty tube of toothpaste. still trying to make sure all are settled and have places to live after the flood.

Vacation starts tomorrow, I will try to check in, but plan to spend as much time as possible just relaxing!

xoxoxoxoxox

JustBeingMe 05-21-2010 01:37 PM
Have a Great Vacation and yes, relax as much as you can and are able to.

JustBeingMe 06-01-2010 03:41 PM
Yipppieeeeeeeee i got to see the new doc and got some anxiety meds again. Thank God/dess for doctors that don't hesitate writing Rx's for PTSD and anxiety issues. And thank God/dess for the meds too.

Jet 06-04-2010 05:24 PM
The effects of my trauma are nearly over—it came with remembering everything. I went through some very difficult days. I'm still a little skittish with certain things, but I feel I'm about 80% better than I was. Here's wishing everyone better health.

j

Canela 06-04-2010 06:15 PM
I am a total mess right now...the depression is at its peak, I don't want to talk to anyone, much less do any business or work...I want to sleep as much as possible and eating too much ice cream or whatever I can get ahold of...crying has started and I am trying so hard not to let myself be swept away into this but its so hard right now...all I want to do is hide in my bedroom and not see anyone, not my honey especially because I feel I am disappointing hym...my children don't understand they just say, "get over it mom"...and my pets, my babies they are confused...mama usually has it all under control...the trigger? So many things, one after the other after the other as if I had a ball machine just spitting balls at me with no bat to swing at 'em with...

I am praying that this will pass quickly...

Please God help.

atomiczombie 06-04-2010 06:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jet (Post 122735)
The effects of my trauma are nearly over—it came with remembering everything. I went through some very difficult days. I'm still a little skittish with certain things, but I feel I'm about 80% better than I was. Here's wishing everyone better health.

j
AWESOME!!! WOOHOO!!

atomiczombie 06-04-2010 06:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleShug (Post 122769)
I am a total mess right now...the depression is at its peak, I don't want to talk to anyone, much less do any business or work...I want to sleep as much as possible and eating too much ice cream or whatever I can get ahold of...crying has started and I am trying so hard not to let myself be swept away into this but its so hard right now...all I want to do is hide in my bedroom and not see anyone, not my honey especially because I feel I am disappointing hym...my children don't understand they just say, "get over it mom"...and my pets, my babies they are confused...mama usually has it all under control...the trigger? So many things, one after the other after the other as if I had a ball machine just spitting balls at me with no bat to swing at 'em with...

I am praying that this will pass quickly...

Please God help.
HUGS to you. LS. Remember you are not alone.

tuffboi29 06-04-2010 06:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 95237)

Tuffboi29,

Yes, they are night terrors. I have those. I find myself kicking, hitting, screaming, and the like. Go see a sleep disorder doc. Get a study done. Then from there you will be sent to a therapist. Go. See if you can get relief.


I took your advice and ran with it wholeheardedly.Ive been hacking at this for a little while now and have been properly diagnosed which led to proper treatment.The nights are still rough but I'm sleeping longer.My therapist is pleased with what progress I've made in this seemingly short amount of time.All in all I have a renewed sense of hope.The misdiagnosis I had lived with for years is almost a distant memory and I find myself grateful that I no longer have to live with the shame and fear it brought to my life.For with the label that was tacked so carelessly on me there was no hope or cure.At least now I am learning new coping skills and have hope for the future for if I keep at it...I WILL get better,because now there is the option to.Don't get me wrong I know that this will never fully leave me...but there is a better way to live with it and overcome the fear and 'fight or flight' that plauges me everyday.

Lastly I would like to give my thanks for this thread.I am no longer alone.I have a place to ask for help or simply leave my fears.I find myself coming back in here often just to reread everyones words.I find them a comfort when I can't sleep knowing one of you may be reading the same thing and are...in some way sitting up with me.

Canela 06-05-2010 11:55 AM
Praise God...I feel soooo much better today! Thank you all of you who prayed and who wished me well...I feel like my old self again...the battle is over! Amen!

Here's wishing all of you here a better day too!

Canela 06-05-2010 11:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie (Post 122778)
HUGS to you. LS. Remember you are not alone.
Thank you so much, Zombie I appreciate your support! You're a sweetheart! God bless you

Leigh 06-05-2010 12:45 PM
(((((((((((((((Shug)))))))))))))))))))) Glad to see your feeling better hun :)

tuffboi29 06-06-2010 02:03 AM
Im having a :blues: kind of moment...


I tried to sleep...Im sure you know how that goes...and now Im here...


I want to sleep but Im :worried: one of those dreams will come back.


I'll try again in 15 minutes.

JustBeingMe 06-10-2010 11:51 AM
:vigil::praying:

Apocalipstic 06-11-2010 01:48 PM
Back from Vacation to lots of drama and sad stuff, but I am OK so far.

I have missed you all and am glad you seem to eb doing better!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Canela 06-14-2010 05:22 PM
Hello my PTSD brothers and sisters!

Here's wishing you a ton of happiness, smiles, peace, comfort and love. I pray we have an amazing week with little to no trauma, amen?

Love to all!

Shug

:rrose:

JustBeingMe 06-15-2010 01:46 PM
My Ptsd, depression and anxiety are being set off more and more each day. My night terrors are just that, full of bad crap in them. It makes it hard to fall asleep knowing they are more frequent these days. I just wish I could get throught this shit I am going through with support from my friends. I wish I had more friends to talk to on the phone, but sadly I don't. I am very greatful for the short list of 2 that I speak to when I can. I wish I could move on with my life and this shit was done and over with so all my sypmtoms would calm down a bit and leave me to a more peaceful life. Hopefully whatever will happen will be soon, but it's Not going to be soon enough. It's not easy walking in my shoes as of the last few months. I hate what's happening but there isn't much I can do about it except go through the process of the shit that's being done. I can't wait for it to be over with, done, Finito !!
signed,
one stressed out planeteer.

Andrew, Jr. 06-16-2010 09:17 AM

Justbeme,

I wish I could give you some inner peace. I feel your pain. It brings me tears, as it does you. From what you have written, I sense that you and I are quite a like than different. Have you talked to a therapist about your PTSD and anxiety?

The one thing that has helped me tremendously over time is meditation and prayer. It was a gradual process of learning for me. It is about refocusing my energy onto the good. Let me give you an example. I have a sheet of paper that I write down who is sick, who needs what, who is mad at who, and of course wildlife, my pets, and world events. One day I will meditate and find my center of being and be silent. And all of my energy goes into reflecting on that topic. I use white candles to burn, as well as incense. It is cleansing for me.

Another example, I have found that being a caretaker for my dying sister was a wonderful gift. I was first devistated over her death, and still am to a certain degree. But now I am able to really put her life in a place and go on living. Her 2 sons are a tribute to her mothering. And I see that now. Before I never did. Today her husband and 2 sons and I have a different relationship. We are closer, but more understanding and loving towards each other. Make sense?

Life is like waves coming and crashing on a beach. It never stops. It is constantly there. For some it is relaxing. For others it is devistation. Again it's perception. Everyone has a different take on 1 thing. That is why I think prayer and meditation work wonders for me. I highly recommend it.

I wish you peace.

Andrew

Andrew, Jr. 06-28-2010 12:34 PM

Hi Everyone,

I hope that everyone here is doing well, and staying cool in this heat. :hangloose:

Jet 07-01-2010 07:26 PM
There is an event related to my trauma trapped in my psyche. Feelings of a jolt coming on are getting severe. I guess because it's going to surface soon. It's unavoidable and I'm way passed deep breaths.
My prayer today:
Dear God, thanks so much for so much.


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