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I'm on vacation this week...since I am a bit of a workaholic it will only be a matter of time before I start getting on my own nerves. Trying very hard NOT to check the work email, court calendars or bank accounts - I do this every morning after opening the office.
There is so much to do around the house - move furniture around and sort through boxes from my move about 2 years ago. Let me elaborate - my former apartment building was sold and everyone was given a couple weeks to move - we were more or less evicted. This happened about 3 weeks before Pride - I was Co-chair of the Board and had absolutely NO spare time. Also I was working for someone who confused the duties of a paralegal with indentured servitude. And my Mom had died a few months earlier. Shelia took time off work and packed my apartment - she packed everything, except the garbage. After the move I was still consumed by Pride and my job. Then Dad started to clear Mom's things from his house because he decided to remarry. I ended up rescuing a lot of things and my living room became a warehouse. When I moved my home grew from a 640 sq ft apartment to about 1,000 but because of the extra things from Dad's I actually have less living space now. Even with the change of jobs last year I was still not interested in going through things here. Thanks to my counselor I have been able to work through my Mom's death and thanks to the addition of 5HTP/Carbidopa the mild depression has lifted - I am ready to tackle this. By the end of the week there will be many things ready to go to Goodwill and/or the dumpster. I am looking forward to being able to use my living room again - something I haven't been able to do since the stuff arrived from Dad's. |
George is on my mind!!!
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the unexpected...
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Strong arms holding me...melting into a warm body...I may have a fever for different reasons now ;)
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Sometimes just sitting around all day when your on disability will give you too much time to think. What hasn't been on My mind lately? Seems like all I've done lately is think ~ about life, My future, what I want and pleasing others. My mind keeps getting wracked with things bombarding My thoughts to the point where I just wanna shit it off ~ like where is the automatic "off" switch? Some of the things I've had on My mind include:
~ My transition ~ Coming out to the rest of My family and friends ~ Going to school (either physically going or taking an at-home study course) ~ Moving out on My own, and how to do that ~ Work, should I or shouldnt I? ~ Love, and whether or not I'll ever find it ~ Figuring out My sexuality and where I fall in the gender spectrum? There is alot more, but thats just the basics ........... no wonder I don't sleep properly most nights :| |
Sometimes I come in here and feel a wave of sadness passing through. It makes me just want to hug everyone.
Negative digit windchill. Now this I can do without. Why don't people read the sign? No quads on the trail means no quads on the trail. You think we WANT to take your toys away from you? I wish I had the entire day to hang out with the old dude that was ice-fishing yesterday. His shack was old school cool and he had great stories to tell. Last time I asked her on a date she said no but sounded like she wanted to say yes. She did say ask me again sometime. It's only coffee right? All she can say is no again? How many times are you supposed to ask before you give up?I don't want to seem like a jerk. |
- life - the feeling of how good things feel when they all come together..feeling truly loved, and happy for once in my life, and knowing no matter what road bumps come along, we'll always get passed them ♥
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Camel snot
The common cold seems so uncommon when my head becomes a soggy wet roll of tissue and my throat is cactus lined when my lungs express their desire to explode.
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I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY... BUT I am making changes to make "myself happy... tough road but WE can do it :~) |
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sending healing vibes your way, feel better soon :~) Moonfemme |
awww Tomi..hope you feel better....
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I got some great advice from a trusted friend and moving in the healing direction... Moomfemme |
I've been doing alot of thinking, too much sometimes, and have decided to do the one thing that has been scaring the hell out of Me ~ coming out to everyone, including the one friend who I know will probably disown Me because I am transitioning. I've spent too many years trying to please others and never once gave a second thought to My own happiness until now. I deserve to be happy and if that means losing people from My life who can't or wont accept Me as I am, then they don't deserve to be in My life in the first place.
Its gonna be scary, this journey I'm on, but I'll finally be truly happy ~ isn't that all that matters? I think so! |
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Something that shouldn't be....
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What is on my mind is the new Bull Durham pipe tobacco I received. It is in a plastic zip pouch bag. I am anxious to open it up and smoke it. :pipe: |
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It could partly be My anxiety but I'm working through that. I hear you about not wanting to go through this journey alone - I can only hope I always have people on My side :) |
Winning ;)
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What is on my MIND
Why do people lie???? I know we all have our little white lies. But..... it seems the closer people are to each other the more they tell lies.
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Ok my little thing is to wear thick woolen blend heavy socks in the winter. Ivory being my favorite color. Not knee socks but socks with heavy comfortable anklets. For lack of a better word. Wal Mart does not have them. Their socks are miserably thin. Target, Kmart, Kohl's etc do not sell them. Anyone know of a place where I can find them? On line is cool too! Help!!!! My feet get so cold in the winter.
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Thank you Sweet! Bass Pro Shops have exactly what I am looking for!!! Yeah!!!
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Mr Smitty the one eyed rocking on limping kitty is indeed sick. He has hair loss around his neck and its really red and aggravated looking. I thought the other cat was picking on him and biting him. Nope. After the scab fell off, it sure does not look like a bite. I am calling the vet in the AM. Its always something....sighing...
poor old man.... |
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Gathering everything I need and setting it out on My jewelry making table to start designing a very special Christmas present for someone in need of a little help this year. smiles.
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Michelle Rhee, StudentsFirst
She wants to reform the school systems in America :hangloose: |
It's time to get off my sparkly femmie tail and take care of the errands I put off yesterday. The trash is now making its presence known with authority. I need to check my mail, return some now overdue library books (they were due yesterday), get a prescription filled and take some toys over to the Salvation Army Christmas Bureau.
A little lethargic these last couple of days. Met with my Counselor on Tuesday. We've been working on the abuse by my Mom that I experienced as a child. It's pretty draining and leaves me wanting to hide from the world while I regain my footing. Until this session I have been able to resist that urge because my previous sessions have been after work but this week I am on vacation. OK, I had a day to wallow in it but now it's time to get moving. |
Will someone please tell me where the electric screwdriver is hid? I need to hang things on the wall...
thank you... |
life...
truths... lies... purposes... love... pain... today... tomorrow. |
whats on my mind? Living dangerously..thats whats on my mind..my demented old dog who has been losing control of her sphincter has just begged me to come lay on the couch with me and I have let her...she is licking my feet and feeling preciously loved right now...
hey...its an old couch. I planned on replacing it anyway.... |
does anyone have a cat who has been diagnosed with diabetes? What were the symtoms? I have read the internet stuff but I want to hear from pet owners.
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I am now petrified one of my animals will get it. Watch for these things......excessive thirst, urinating where they normally don't and seem to not have control over it. Excessive appetite or no appetite. Staggering, confusion, sleeping a lot, going off and not wanting to be around people like they normally would. By the time my vet had figured out what was wrong with my 15 year old baby it was too late and they couldn't save him. His sugar was so high it was unreadable. But, i did find out that there are many animals that have diabeties and actually survive. You have to check their sugars just like humans and give insulin. I hope this helps. If in doubt, please get your baby checked. Make sure they run a test specifically for blood sugars. Most don't run this. I'll never forgive myself for letting the vet tell me over and over he had a virus when i knew it was more. hugz :bunchflowers: |
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I am bored, I am stressed, I need a job and a life outside this room
Wolfy, who is still hopeful and continues to keep faith even on the days I feel defeated |
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Over-whelming sadness. Endings are never easy :(
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